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#38386
Monica1
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This was the topic this evening on some good shares
My emotional triggers
Start of compulsive gambling
Relationship going west on day I came out of hospital, big blow to my self esteem
Two of my front teeth falling out when I was at work in a meeting, yes really
Lack of physical affection and touch from anyone
Not facing the relationship issue and working away from home to avoid it. But I did not gamble and was happy away from home. Would start to gamble as soon as I got home
Lack of emotional support throughout my life
All members of my family constantly asking for money when I was doing well
Loneliness
Boredom
No personal or home life
Wondering why I had the life that I have had

Perpetual abstinence and relapse cycle
As above. Going past the point of no return financially and knowing the siuation was irreparable
My business collapsing as I used all the money to gamble with
Feeling unlovable and knowing I would never have a relationship again
What’s the point?

Final relapse
Trying to move to my daughters house by the coast knowing that this environment calmed me is the sea. Took a job to be closer. the job did not work out and I realised that there was no room in their house and the commitment to build a granny flat was never going to happen.
Going to step change and realising that 2 grAnd a month on my debts till I retire was undoable and losing hope and w ting the suffering to end.
Being hounded for years by debt collectors and bailiffs.

Now there is some honesty.

Went through Step 1 written work. My sponsor said that listening to it was painful and how did I feel about it. I said I no longer feel any pain about it. Have cried all my tears and it is what it is.