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Originally posted by Martinloon

… i have a massive gambling problem …
… My head melted with thoughts about how close i came to getting out. This should have been the best day of my life in five years instead its the worst. …
… please tell me i wont go back searching for the big win …
… What am i?

Good evening Martin, welcome to GT. My name is Larry and I am a compulsive Gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009.
Your story is a repeat of many of the stories here, we have all experienced the things that you have, we have all shared in your losses, pain, and fears; you are not alone.  Your last question, "What am I?". is answered in your opening statement, from your own descriptions, you are a compulsive gambler. A person overpowered by one of the most  baffling, insidious, compulsive addiction that plagues us.
Your other question does not have a quick answer; you can not be told that you will not go back searching for the big win. However, I can tell you that this can be the best day of your life, and not the worst; and that if had won that big dream, you would have gambled it all away – it is the nature of the beast to chase the bigger wins and the losses. You coming here can be the start of your recovery that can help control the outcome of your return for the big win – the gamblers fantasy dream.
Start reading the post and searching for ways to limit your opportunities to gamble and restrict you access to funds. Ban yourself from the bookmakers, stop cash advances on your credit cards, have someone take control of your money; gambling took control of it, now give that control to someone you can trust.  Visit the group sessions and chat rooms here, and get in touch with the Help Line; do something positive, take action.  Keep coming back and you will be able to get "OUT".
God’s speed, use your higher Power to strengthen and guide you.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.