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I just woke up from my sleep and reply to an earlier message from Vera. My relapse is affecting me very much, I think about them in the day and even in my sleep. When I woke up today, I hear a message to turn to the story of Job in the bible.

Job Loses Everything

13 Job’s sons and daughters were having a feast in the home of his oldest son, 14 when someone rushed up to Job and said, “While your servants were plowing with your oxen, and your donkeys were nearby eating grass, 15 a gang of Sabeans[a] attacked and stole the oxen and donkeys! Your other servants were killed, and I was the only one who escaped to tell you.”

16 That servant was still speaking, when a second one came running up and saying, “God sent down a fire that killed your sheep and your servants. I am the only one who escaped to tell you.”

17 Before that servant finished speaking, a third one raced up and said, “Three gangs of Chaldeans[b] attacked and stole your camels! All of your other servants were killed, and I am the only one who escaped to tell you.”

18 That servant was still speaking, when a fourth one dashed up and said, “Your children were having a feast and drinking wine at the home of your oldest son, 19 when suddenly a windstorm from the desert blew the house down, crushing all of your children. I am the only one who escaped to tell you.”

20 When Job heard this, he tore his clothes and shaved his head because of his great sorrow. He knelt on the ground, then worshiped God 21 and said:

“We bring nothing at birth; we take nothing with us at death. The LORD alone gives and takes. Praise the name of the LORD!”

22 In spite of everything, Job did not sin or accuse God of doing wrong.

Dear diary,

I have experience this awesome God yesterday that gives me and take away from me. In my darkest moment, the most impossible happen, I receive abundant from God. God is telling me He is here.

This is my story

I was lost and confuse when I approach the money lender to help me when I have none. They told me I had a bad history in their record and turn me down. I cannot imagine that these high interest blood sucker will turn me away. Thank God those money lender was blind and turn me away, I was saved from a lot of misery.

Who intervene and save me?

The same night, something happen, I saw abundant money in my bank account. The one and only bank I apply for a credit line the previous night has approve my application.

Those money lender say I got a bad history but the bank must have saw my good credit rating.

This is when the real message and lesson for me start !!!

I have not surrender 100% to God, my self-will run riot. I could not manage these gifts. Unless I surrender 100% to God, my enemy will take these gifts away from me; I will gamble them away.

I did not wish to be honest about this part but I must do this to give glory to God.

The Truth has surface. I have not surrender to God 100%. After I receive the abundant cash, my self-will took over and the rest is history. I lost most of the money away.

God has promise and delivered. My trust in God only grew stronger from this experience.

Now I also cannot hide that I have not surrender 100% to God, I cannot deceive myself, the truth is so obvious that I cannot lied to myself anymore.

God was faithful to us but I was not faithful to God and I suffer the consequences.

Sister Lizbeth4 ask me what I am going to do differently next time, I can only say that I am going to learn how to surrender to God completely to the best of my ability.

I have not done my best! I have not done anough! I can do better! Wrong again.That is me, I , myself, my ego talking…Without God, I am nothing! I am setting myself up to fail.

I am going to turn to God to help me surrender to Him 100%. By the mercy and grace of God, I will finish this year strong.