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    • #20751
      cat438
      Участник

      I have been considering a new page for a while, but never quite got round to doing it. I feel with the challenges of the new updated GT that it was time. I joined GT in June, 2011 and started my recovery journey. I am a work in progress and as a cg always will be!!!

    • #20752
      cat438
      Участник

      I truly hope that everyone will start posting again soon. I want you to know that you are missed as I do like to hear how you are doing on your journey and in your life. Wishing everyone a day free of gambling!!!!

    • #20753
      cat438
      Участник

      I am missing hearing how everyone is doing. I wish everyone would start to post again. I know that the new updated GT website does take a little time to get used to. However, I believe it is important to keep trying to figure it out as it gets easier every time. They are also getting the kinks worked out. It is amazing really how when something changes we struggle with it. It’s like when we start recovery and stop gambling it is so difficult and we have to keep trying until we get it right, or until we accept that we are compulsive gamblers and we are powerless and in my situation with the slots/vlts. I believe that I am worth the inconvenience of struggling with the challenges of the new site because I know that I need the support of others here, and I also want to support others as well. Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!

    • #20754
      cat438
      Участник

      I find that as I get closer to a milestone with gamble free time that I get nervous and scared that I am going to blow it. I get anxious as I get closer to a date and afraid that like so many other times I will end up gambling again. I try not to focus on gamble free time, but more about not placing the first dollar in those machines. I know that once the day is here it is just another day to work at one day at a time. I also know that just like that I can be back to Day 1, as I have been there many times. I know that I do have fear that I will gamble and have to fight to get back in recovery. The thought of that terrifies me as I know how hard it is to get back on the right track when the addiction takes hold again. Not that it is gone as it is always there, and out of nowhere it tests me as those thoughts come up about going just once, just for an hour… or maybe I would be okay now. I know that those machines are not my friend as I once thought they were. They are my enemy and I must stay away from them. I know they want me back, but I know it is a friendship that I cant go back to. I have to remember what they did to me and the pain they caused me. Oh how I hated myself when I had lost all my money. The chasing of „my money“ that they stole from me, but alas they did not steal it from me. It was me that kept feeding the machine throwing away money that I needed for other things. The running from the machine to the ATM and feeding it again and again, because it was due to pay out. I rubbed the glass of the machine, I prayed, I just wanted my money back and the relief I felt when I had a win and got my money back, and of course I lost it all again. I will continue on my recovery journey taking it one day at a time. I want to thank all the wonderful people on GT who have helped me in this journey. I know that I can’t do this alone and that is why I will continue to post and support others when I can.

    • #20755
      icandothis
      Участник

      You are such a support to others. You describe everyone’s story so well. I am suffering/no we (my husband and I) are suffering the consequences of my insanity. I like to read your posts that keep us reminded of the uselessness of gambling and then the damage of giving in just once, which damages our recovery. I have to keep reminding myself that I am in recovery. I am struggling today. Just getting started with my day. I am going to grab my journal and focus on what it means to work on recovery. I know the woman I don’t want to be, but I need to focus on the woman I want to be and then figure out how to get there. Today, the gap between the woman I am and the one I want to be feels like it is as large as the Grand Canyon! Enough about me. Have a great day, Cat. thanks for your support and congratulations!

    • #20756
      cat438
      Участник

      I think there is a movie „the never ending story“ and when I think of it for the compulsive gambler it is „the never ending recovery journey“. It is the way it has to be for me as I know if I don’t do it this way then I will have a life full of turmoil. I know that some people say they do not fear gambling again as they have accepted they can’t gamble. I know that I am a compulsive gambler and so I can’t play those machines again yet I still have fear that I do. I know that I have changed since I started recovery, but I still have a long way to go. I think my fear is that it is like being on a diet and then you stop and you eat everything in site. I need to post on Bettie’s page and ask her about the difference between abstinence and recovery. I need to have Faith in myself on this journey, but the fear is there. I will continue to work on myself and recovery ODAAT. I have to remember that I will never be cured of this addiction, therefore, it is a continual journey. It is good for me to write about my fears as it tells me that I am not focusing on today. All I can do is take it one day at a time. It shows me that when I start thinking ahead that is when the panic sets in. I know that for today I do not plan on gambling. Sorry for the rambling!!!

    • #20757
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! Thanks for your posts to me. You are so supportive and have such a positive, uplifting attitude!!! You should be so proud of yourself in the way that you are handling your gambling journey. I have learned over the last 6 1/2 months to put faith in God’s hands that I will be strong enough to do what I need to do to move on without my Husband. Although it has been difficult at times, I am making my way. I have had a few slips with gambling during this time but have dusted myself off and continued on my path. I am so glad that I found GT and friends like you Cat, as if I hadn’t, I think that I would have been out of control (gambling) instead of facing the pain and dealing with it. I think that when we stop working on ourselves, no matter our age or our problems, that we stop growing and become a shell of a person. I love your honesty in explaining your feelings and I get it! Take care of yourself and have a great day!!!!

    • #20758
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat so pleased to see that things are still going so well for you. That is really wonderful. Thats great you started the October thread too. See you round soon.

      P

    • #20759
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat, even if the forums are quiet keep posting. The others will come back when they are ready and might just need to get used to the new site a bit more. I miss them all too but we can be an example by continuing to post despite the change.
      Hope you have a good day Cat. I will always support this site as it has supported me over the years. Its too good to let go of

      P

    • #20760
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! You have done an incredible job with your recovery. It’s crazy how we know exactly the outcome of what would happen were we to gamble, and yet we at times still want to indulge in it. I can so relate to occasionally winning our money back, and then going on to put it all back in, plus more, and walking away feeling like crap. And we forget that so seldom do the machines even give us the choice to walk away with our original money we walked in with, as they seldom pay. That’s part of the insanity of this disease. Nice to hear that you’re going to be with your son and his family for Christmas. I don’t know where I’ll be for Christmas this year. Danny and I have been spending some time together but he is still difficult to get along with. He’d like to reconcile but I can’t go back to how we were living. If he can’t get along with me without getting angry when we aren’t living together, we absolutely couldn’t get along living together. He gets angry over nothing and is argumentative over lots of things. I am enjoying living alone with my two cats. My new cat Pablo is such a joy!! He was a barn cat until he lost his eye, and then became a resident of the vet clinic that treated his infected eye. Now he lives with Ferris and I, and the cats just love each other. They spend 90% of their time together and I get the crumbs when it comes to the rest of the time. It’s OK though as I know they are happy together, which makes me happy. I’m at my daughter’s looking after my granddaughters while their parents are whopping it up in Vegas. My daughter and son-in-law are not gamblers and said the last time they went to Vegas they put in $40. They went ziplining yesterday and there are 13 of them that went together to Vegas. I’m off to put the turkey in the oven and to shower. Carole

    • #20761
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat. I used to love that movie the neverending story. Our recovery is a journey and a neverending one I agree. I love how you are living in each day. Living with the day at a time motto. Is it is easy to say not as easy to live sometimes but you are doing it. I love how far you have come. Hope to one day bump into you in chat.

      P

    • #20762
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat. I used to love that movie the neverending story. Our recovery is a journey and a neverending one I agree. I love how you are living in each day. Living with the day at a time motto. it is easy to say not as easy to live sometimes but you are doing it. I love how far you have come. Hope to one day bump into you in chat.

      P

    • #20763
      cat438
      Участник

      I thought I would do a post as I am procrastinating about getting started on what I should be doing, and that is de-cluttering and doing other stuff around the house. I think it is time to set the 30 minute timer to get me started. I am feeling good though, but just don’t have the motivation to do the stuff I need to do. I want it all done, but don’t want to do the work to get there. Now that sounds like wanting to stop gambling, but not wanting to work on myself to stop. I am reading and learning about myself. In fact I have progressed since I started recovery, it is a continual work in progress, but as long as I continue I hope that the good things will become habit or the „norm“. I know that if I am ever in a situation with slots that I need to be very very very aware. I don’t go to the Casino and I don’t go to bars for vlts, but you can be out for dinner at a restaurant and they have a lounge with vlts. They are all around and I can’t change that, but I know that I can’t put one cent/dollar in them as I am powerless as soon as I place that first bet in a machine. I know that sometimes when I don’t expect to see those machines and they are in front of me, there is a yearning inside of me to just go put a dollar in, as I do miss being able to play them, but as a compulsive gambler I know that it is but a dream… because the compulsive gambler is not a dream and I would be back to sneaking around, telling lies, hating myself, losing money and piling up debt. I know that I don’t want that life again, but I also know that I am not cured and never will be, I have to continue on this journey by taking it one day at a time. It is not easy sometimes, but anything worth having is worth working for. I now need to think that way about losing weight and getting more exercise LOL I never know what I am going to post, but it seemed to me that I needed to post this today as that is what came out!!!!

    • #20764
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! You have done an amazing job of staying away from those machines. You’ve dealt with the death of your grandson and Ruth’s passing away, which I know affected you deeply, without gambling which is something a lot of us here at GT, could have never done. You need to give yourself credit for every recovery day you have. You deal on a daily basis with your husband’s addiction. And you work fulltime in an emotionally draining capacity. You really are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I like the 30 minute timer idea and if I can remember to buy a timer, I may try that myself. Keep doing what you’re doing Cat, and when you’re ready, the eating healthy will come. I’m doing the myfitnesspal on the internet. Carole

    • #20765
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks (((Carole))) for your caring post. I have so much to be thankful for and yet I get caught up in self pity at times. I read in a post that Deb did somewhere about turning up the music and dancing or something like that. I used to do things like that, but not so much now a days. It is amazing if you put on a nice upbeat song it can brighten your mood. We all have choices and it is up to us what we do with them. I have chosen to stay with my hubby of 41 years although he has a drinking problem/addiction. I am working on living with this, but putting up barriers as to what is acceptable to how I am treated. I am reading a book about barriers and it talks about treasuring myself and for me that is such a new way of looking at things. As I am more mature (getting older) LOL I understand the saying „I wish I knew then what I know now“. I cant change the past, it is what it is, and what is the point of looking back as that is not the way I am going. I am thankful for all that that I have been blessed with and the most important is my kids and grandkids. I know that I need to work on myself more with barriers and learning to treasure myself and look after myself. It is a work in progress and I have come a long way, but know there is still work to be done. I will look at this as an opportunity to work on myself one day at a time, and try to rewire the brain that I am a treasure worth working on. Wow, does this every sound deep this morning. I will continue to do this because I am worth it and I deserve it. Now, I have to remember this when I want to eat the wrong things… chocolate, fries, ice cream LOL and also when I cant get started on exercising. I am just thinking if I was not a compulsive gambler I would not have started on all this barrier setting etc., and would not have met so many wonderful people on GT so there is always a positive side to everything. We sometimes just have to remember that!!!!

    • #20766
      trulyshi
      Участник

      I so admire your upbeat attitude and never-give-up approach. I also have several addictions besides gambling – overeating and smoking, to name a few. I decided that it was better to tackle one at a time and the since the most harmful one was gambling I did that one first and gave it my all. I feel I am in a good place with that one now and my next thing to tackle is the smoking. Bill quit yesterday and since I don’t want to smoke in front of him I know it will help me to begin at least cutting back which I hope will eventually lead to a full quit. I hope you didn’t take offense to my post on Carole’s thread, it wasn’t meant to be offensive or an attack. You are right, it is up to us to choose which methods to use in our recovery, I simply wanted to point out that I hope everyone continues to give advice and suggestions, even if they are not the right ones for us individually. If current things aren’t working then sometimes it’s good to try something different. I fought all suggestions on banning myself but that was what everyone was suggesting for me and guess what? It was the right one for me and I’m so glad I finally gave in and did it. You are a very warm and caring person, Cat, and your posts helped me through some very dark times. Yes, I have rediscovered my love of dancing in the kitchen and have a radio and CD player on my counter just for that purpose. I plan to continue dancing till I drop, lol. Luv ya girl, hang in there, you are doing great. Deb

    • #20767
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks Vera, I have been thinking lots about retiring lately and our plan is that we will retire in 2015. I am finding work a bit of a challenge right now. My patience is not what it used to be. I know that if I was a nurse like you that I could not handle the physical aspect of the job. It is tough as we get older as sometimes our mind is not there yet, but our bodies and physical stamina is away ahead of our minds. LOL I say that and then I think of the people who are in their 70s and 80s and are running marathons. I wonder if our mind makes us old. It’s interesting as I was listening to the Radio yesterday, it’s talk Radio and the on-air person was talking about using your mind. How we have to keep interested in things, whether it is politics or things that are happening in the world. He said if we did not use the mind we would get bored and sit in front of the TV and then die. What a lovely thought, but I believe I understand what he is saying. I know that at present I have things that I want to do, but I keep saying that I will do it when I retire. Our daughter is moving home so it is good as we are renovating the basement, and I think this is the third time since we moved in the house. It is actually good as it is making me and hubby do stuff that we were putting off. Our daughter is helping us, but boy I wish I had the stamina she has. It is amazing the difference it makes when you are 30+ years older or younger. There is a reason for everything so I just need to get the enthusiasm and start running those marathons LOL:):)

    • #20768
      finding_laura
      Участник

      LOL Cat, what a great post! Wish I could train with you for a marathon 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts on where you are in recovery, and what it can be all about. I think it was Harry and my CG counsellor I used to see, that said to me.. „that the gambling addiction is only 10 percent of the problem“. The tip of the ice burg that shows. The remainder or majority of the problem lies underneath the surface. As we deal with the gambling addiction we begin to work on those other issues beneath the surface. I myself think it will be a life long effort. The great thing is that gambling recovery has given me a lot of the tools that I need to work on those other issues. We are all growing through our recovery processes. Keep up the great work Cat and thank-you for your very very insightful posts. Have a great day! Laura

    • #20769
      cat438
      Участник

      The last time I played slots/vlts was Nov. 1, 2012 and I know that I am not going out tonight to play them, so that is one year that I have not played them. Has it been easy, no it has been so hard at times, and yes there were times that I wanted so bad to run away and escape to oblivion. I was out running around today doing errands and I ended up drawing cash from the ATM that I would go to close to the Casino, and I also ended up driving past the Casino. When I was drawing the money from the ATM the thoughts that came to mind were how I would be in such a rush to get to the Casino, the excitement, anticipation of getting in to play machines. I then thought about all the money I had wasted, and the way I felt about myself after I had lost too much money. The self loathing, guilt, fear of the addiction and not being able to stop. I thank God (Higher Power to others) that I have been able to stay away from those machines. I also understand so well how easy it is to end up back playing those machines. I do know that I can’t play those slots/vlts as I am powerless and not able to stop once I start. I know that it is one day at a time that I have to continue on my recovery. I hope and pray that I can continue to stay away from those machines, but I know that I cant get complacent as all it takes is putting one dollar in a machine and then I am powerless. Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free day!!!

    • #20770
      cat438
      Участник

      Laura thank you for the post. It is true that there are lots of underlying problems that contribute to gambling. I am learning so much about myself since I started recovery!!! I know that there is so much that I am needing to work on and it is going to be a continual life of recovery. I will get there if I take it one day at a time!!!

    • #20771
      kathryn
      Участник

      Hiya Cat,
      Wow…..a year!!!! Congratulations my friend, yes, its not easy, yes, its a struggle….the only thing that has stopped you gambling is you!!!! I hope you are so proud of yourself, if may just be another gamble free day, but you have managed your addiction every day of the last year. That is something to rejoice!!!!
      Love K xxxxxxxxxx

    • #20772
      Dunc
      Отговорник

      Hey Cat

      A huge congratulations from me, you’ve worked so hard to alter your life, you’ve shown a true commitment, you’ve taken on board advice you didnt want to hear, youve made sacrifices to ensure that this year would come.. Im so proud of you Cat

      Cat, I have to say this as it does become an issue even in the strongest of recoveries. Now is the time to focus on the nest 2 big potential issues. Complacancy & Testing, im sure your aware of them. Keep going and dont let these thoughts enter your mind.

      Way to go Cat

      Take Care

      Harry

    • #20773
      finding_laura
      Участник

      Had a lot of „aha“ moments for me Cat. I have been stagnating. I haven’t been working my recovery. I haven’t been working on me of late. Time to refocus. On the up side I have very slowly and painfully been managing to tackle my decluttering. I make a list, not with the expectation that I’ll do it all, but that I’ll try and tick off a few things. Sometimes I don’t get back to the list for a day or two or week or two but slowly things are getting done. I used to just freeze up at the thought of all that had to be done and then I did nothing. Thanks for sharing once again Cat! Have a great day 🙂

    • #20774
      finding_laura
      Участник

      Very proud of you Cat for all of the growth over this past year. One day at a time you built your year of recovery with your hard work and willingness to grow and change. It makes me fuzzy inside to share in your success! A milestone gives us an opportunity to pause and look back at the progress we’ve made. Stringing together our one day at at times. Thanks for sticking around GT Cat and sharing your daily thoughts with us. I wish you continued recovery, ODAAT of course. xo Laura

    • #20775
      cat438
      Участник

      I am smiling with all your wonderful encouragement and kind words. They do make a difference when we are battling this addiction.
      Harry I had a big grin when I saw your comment about being complacent and testing myself. I think in the last two and a half years I have possibly got a bit complacent, and also tested myself with those machines. It was interesting as every time I tested myself the results were the same. I was back to gambling. I don’t trust myself around slots/vlts so I try to avoid being where they are as much as possible, but it is getting harder to do that as they are everywhere. I have a fear of putting a dollar in them and being back on the road of destruction. I hope and pray that this feeling stays as it keeps me away. I am still a work in progress and I know I will never be cured from this addiction. I have a long way to go and I know that even if I had 2, 3 , 4, 5 or 20 years not playing those machines that I can’t get complacent or test myself as the results would be the same. I am a compulsive gamble with those slots/vlts and that will never change. I know that I need to work on how I deal with things and I hope and pray that I have the courage and strength to do this!!!

    • #20776
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! Congratulations on scaling the one year mountain!!! That journey started with a single step, when you started recovery, and look where you are today! Girl, you need to treat yourself big time! You so deserve it!!! Wish I was there so we could celebrate you! Carole

    • #20777
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Congrads on being gamble free for a year! That is not a easy feat. It takes a lot of hard work and determination to accomplish. I am very proud of you. I agree with Carole, do something nice for yourself. You deserve it!!

    • #20778
      Анонимен
      Гост

      And I mean that with all sincerity, our dear Cat. It’s an amazing achievement and at the moment a distant dream for me. I am so very proud of you for your tenacity. I know how hard it is, how the urges try to break resolve, how anger, sadness, loss all conspire to drive us back to the machines. So it with the deepest respect that I say a massive „congratulations“ my friend. You are amazing.

      Love, RG

    • #20779
      p
      Участник

      Cat… one year.. that is just wonderful. You had a long time before that too i remember so you have had so many days in recovery that is just amazing. Your year is amazing but dont discount those other gamble free periods you also had if you add them all together thats a lot of recovery going on there, well done, so pleased for you.. thanks always for your support.. you never forget thank you

      P

    • #20780
      velvet
      Модератор

      Hi Cat
      I am so pleased that I popped over and read you have reached (and better still passed) your one year anniversary.

      Your monthly thread ODAAT is fantastic to watch scrolling up – you are inspiring others and I can think of no better way to avenge yourself for all the pain your addiction gave you.

      Just like Laura I feel fuzzy inside when I see any post in ‘My Journal’ that says the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result. I use the words all the time in F&F because I ‘know’ it to be true.

      The sky outside is grey but my spirits are light – well done

      Velvet

    • #20781
      icandothis
      Участник

      Congratulations, Cat! What an accomplishment. That’s a lot of ODAAT’s! Looking forward to continuing the journey with you and so many others.

    • #20782
      p
      Участник

      Hope you are having a good day today cat.. sounds like your work is a caring profession and it must be draining some days, i think you would be very very good at your job..

      P

    • #20783
      bettie
      Участник

      Wow Cat!
      I had no doubt you could do it!
      Congrats and plan to have this party again next year!
      you go girl!
      bettie

    • #20784
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, I am getting caught up on posting today, and just wanted to thank you for your concern and kind words on my thread. My daughter is doing a bit better. She is healing, but it is a process, and it is going to take time. Kind of like recovery. As I am writing this, she is on her way home from a job interview. I am not sure what she is going to do, but I think she got the job. Seriously, she must interview very well….I have to go. She did get the job! She is calling me….

      I know I talk about my daughter a lot, but her life is so much more interesting than mine!!! lol

    • #20785
      Анонимен
      Гост

      Thanks for always thinking of me, Cat and bringing my posts to the fore. I am so happy that you made it to your anniversary and I hope you spend all month being good to yourself. That being said, I realize the folly of being too aware of milestones.

      On my end, things have been rough. I have had a very difficult emotional event over the past two weeks which has left me shattered. Not a death of a family member, but the death of a relationship with family member whom I held very, very dear. It is painful to even write about it – even obliquely. It’s a long story, but suffice to say that it’s left me drained, teary and weakened.

      I’m sure you will not be shocked to hear that I have gambled from time to time. I want to get back on the wagon, but I’m not sure I’m in the correct frame of mind yet. That may not make sense to some, but it makes sense to me at the moment.

      On the up side, I’m trying to enrich my life with little improvements. I’m trying new recipes, learning new skills in the „feminine arts“ – would you believe DARNING – of all things. I find that I’m quite interested in learning how to fix things. I’ve never been good at sewing, but I’ve been exploring YouTube and finding all kinds of ways to fix articles of clothing.

      I’ve always found it very wasteful the way we North Americans throw away clothing that have become a little tight or have little holes in them. In other parts of the world, people still repair things. So I may look into a sewing machine for Xmas to do repairs and alterations that I pay a fortune for now. I’ve already done an invisible mend on my youngest son’s jeans – what a hoot. My husband couldn’t see where I repaired it without his glasses.

      Tonight I made a gorgeous, melty, cheesy manicotti. My boys were totally impressed with my skills – even my dog gave me the paws up for it.

      It’s time for me to start living and stop dreaming about the better life that I envision for myself. The lack of a job is a sore point, but there are tons of other things that I could do to bolster my soul before I start working again.

      OK … enough ranting about myself. I do hope you are well. I haven’t read much, but you don’t seem to be posting to your own thread too often. Let us know how things are going now that you’ve moved to a new level in your recovery.

      Love, RG

    • #20786
      p
      Участник

      Hi there Cat

      I really hope that things are going well for you lately. You’ve done such a great job of this recovery. Hope your days and nights are going well these days.

      P

    • #20787
      Анонимен
      Гост

      Just checking in to see how you’re doing. Haven’t seen your name around for a few days. Post and let us know how you are. Love, RG

    • #20788
      p
      Участник

      Hi again Cat just checking in. I know you will be busy with stuff but i want to say hi and let you know that i am here posting again, how could i leave? what was i thinking. Hoping things are good for you today and look forward to seeing you post.
      P.S. Good to see you post RG, 🙂

      P

    • #20789
      bettie
      Участник

      Thats what you are Cat!
      I am proud to know you!
      bettie

    • #20790
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Thanks for the post on my thread. You are right about what you said. I would rather have just about anything happen to me than to watch my daughter suffer. It’s funny you talked about control. I was just thinking about that. About all the things going on in my life right now that I have no control over. Especially my daughter’s happiness. Then I thought about the things I did have control over, which really is only one thing…ME…and then I only have control over how…ME…responds to all those things that I have no control over! So I have made a simple plan each day…to feel good. It’s a simple plan, but it’s not always an easy one. This simple plan has helped me not to gamble because if it is my sincere desire to feel good today, then I couldn’t possibly choose to gamble. And I know how I will feel tomorrow if I gamble today…NOT GOOD! Have a great day, Cat!

    • #20791
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks for you wonderful posts. I am bad for not posting on my own page lately. I find sometimes when I start posting here that I go on and on and on LOL It may be that when I need to post to work something out or just to get something off my chest that I come here and do it, and then when I feel okay then I don’t feel the need to post as much. I am always trying to analyze and understand things about myself now. I am also in a positive place right now as I am thinking of our upcoming visit to see our grandsons and our brand new baby granddaughter and spending Christmas with them. I know it is like a tonic for me to see them. I am soooo excited. I am truly blessed and I thank God for our new baby granddaughter. I know she will help heal some of the pain for my son and daughter in law with the loss of their still born baby last year. I know that no one will replace him and he will always be in their hearts and mine and many more, but a new life will help them. I cant wait to hold her, hug her and kiss her!!!

    • #20792
      icandothis
      Участник

      I am so happy for you and your family, Cat. What a blessing! I know the loss of your grandson touched you deeply. May you enjoy all the blessings you and your family will be sharing this holiday season and may you be touched deeply by the joy of it all!

    • #20793
      p
      Участник

      Cat I just have to say that you are one of the kindest people around. You are so so supportive of everyone and you have done so much in your recovery. I love how you always re emphasise the day at a time of living, it often reminds me when i get too far ahead of myself. I know you have gone through a lot of pain and suffering, you deserve this recovery so much and you have made your way through it helping others at the same time. Im proud to know you cat, just wanted to say..

      P

    • #20794
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! I’m excited that you’re going to be with your son, daughter-in-law, and precious grandkids this Christmas! You are going to get to hold that precious granddaughter for the first time. I am staying away from the machines. I am seeing so many programs on TV where cgs get themselves in real trouble. I don’t want that to be me! You are doing so well in your recovery and there’s nothing new under the sun when it comes to gambling. It’s like an alcoholic having one drink. It’s never enough!! One day at a time! Carole

    • #20795
      p
      Участник

      Well done on starting the December thread.. i love how you add to this little community, you always put in that little bit extra effort and by you doing that has created a whole new thread that people can add to. I love it. I might start another positive thread to like what was the best part of our day today..
      Hope you are having a good day Cat

      P

    • #20796
      cat438
      Участник

      I thought I should post something as it is a while since I posted on my thread. It is only two weeks until we leave to go see our grandchildren. There is so much that I have to do at work. I am also having a Christmas Dinner here before I go for my son and wife and daughter. Although our daughter is coming out to spend Christmas with us at our son and his wife who live out of Province. I don’t know why I get so panicky about things. I can only do what I can do. I will get there if I break my to do list up into manageable pieces. I can do it that way!!! It is amazing after posting I now realize that this all the things I need to do are overwhelming me. I need to just take it day by day!!!! One day at a time can relate to everything not only gambling!!! Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free day!!!

    • #20797
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! I thought of you today and since I haven’t been posting very much lately, I wanted to see how you are doing? I am excited for you in seeing your Grandchildren. I only have the one but he is my everything!! He has helped me get through the last 8 months and kept me grounded. I get very overwhelmed also when I have a lot to do. I found that if I just take one thing at a time and accomplish that task, I have the energy to complete everything else! Have a great Xmas and have fun with the Grandkids!!!

    • #20798
      cat438
      Участник

      I am starting to realize that when I get overwhelmed and stressed that gambling thoughts come to me more and more. The thoughts cause me to panic as it makes me realize how easy it would be to be back playing machines and gambling. It really scares me as I know that although I do not want that life that just like that I could end up putting a dollar in a machine and it would be the same old story. I am going to write down what I need to do, both at work and at home before I go on vacation. I will try and assign some of my work tasks to my staff and that would lighten my load there. I will try and take Friday afternoon off so that I can get some of the personal things I need to do done. I need to take it one day at a time. I know it will all work out so why am I doing this to myself. Now in that statement lies the answer… „why am I doing this to myself“. I need to let Go let God. I am only human and can only do what I can do. I find it interesting that when I am feeling like this that I tend to post more. I am hoping that it is me realizing that when these times come that I am better to come here and post rather than escape to gambling. It also tells me that we have to be aware and not get complacent. We are all the same when it comes to placing that next bet no matter how much gamble free time we may have. I know that is one that Larry always told me and I miss his posts. I do hoe he is all right as he has not posted for a while. I pray for all of us today to have a gamble free day and reach out for support and help. I know there are so many wonderful people in despair because of this addiction.
      I am thankful for so many wonderful things in my life and I don’t want to do anything to spoil that. I have to focus on the positive today. I am thankful that I can come here and post to others who understand what I am saying.

    • #20799
      desdemona
      Участник

      Hi (((Cat)))! I spoke to Larry through email and he is fine and not gambling. He reads posts but is working on some issues in his own life. I also spoke to Vera through email and she is not gambling. They will both come back and post on GT in their own time. A lot of us compulsive gamblers have been type A personalities and perfectionists in the past. It’s been all or nothing for us. Could you just prioritize what needs to be done before your trip, and only do that, and not the „it would be nice if things“, and just do the basic. One day at a time! Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. Ask for help with the Christmas dinner; it doesn’t make you less than, if you ask. My mother had a cleaning obsession, and she has stated that she maybe shouldn’t have cleaned so much. As kids we don’t remember any good times with our mother, only that she cleaned crazily. My kids and grandkids will remember the good times we had, not that their grandma’s house was spotless. Give yourself a break (((Cat.))) Be kind to yourself! Keep reminding yourself of what life was like when you were actively gambling. I know that you don’t want to jeopardize your future by doing the one thing we cgs can’t do, and that’s gamble. I hope that you can retire soon so that you don’t have the workplace stress. As we age, I find that I don’t have the patience for workplace nonsense, nor the energy and stamina I used to have. It depletes a person’s emotional energy in the kind of job you have. I’m going to remind you again of one day at a time, as it seems that you’re worrying about everything personal and workplace related you have to do, for December. You can get through today, and that’s all that is required of you. Carole

    • #20800
      desdemona
      Участник

      Thinking of you (((Cat)))! A day at a time! I know this is a very busy month for you work wise. Is there anyone that you can delegate to attend some of the functions to. What date are you flying out. My question mark key is not working. I get a É instead of a question mark. We are leaving tomorrow the 13th and won`t be back till the 17th. I am feeling 65% better than I was. Maybe I`ll be 75% better tomorrow. I`m hoping anyways! Carole

    • #20801
      p
      Участник

      Hi there, hope you are doing well these days and i want to thank you for your continual support to me.. whenever i feel that there is no one there, i get a little message from cat, its amazing how it pops up at the right time. So thank you cat. You are very caring about the people here too and it wouldn’t be the same little community without you in it. Wishing you happiness today.

      P

    • #20802
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! It has been awhile since I have posted to you. I hope that you are having a great time with the Grandkids!!! Mine always put everything into prospective for me. Thanks for being so supportive and being there for me. Have a great day!!!

    • #20803
      desdemona
      Участник

      Merry Christmas Dear Friend! I think of you being with your grandchildren during the holidays. I can’t imagine anything better for you! I look forward to seeing what the new year brings you, and am wishing it is blessings raining down from heaven. Thank you for being such a good friend to me, and for all the support you have given me on my recovery journey. Carole

    • #20804
      icandothis
      Участник

      Happy Holidays and Happy New Year, Cat! I hope you had a Merry Christmas with your grandchildren. Looking forward to hearing all about it. I would like to add my thanks to Carole’s. You are a blessing to this site!

    • #20805
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! You are missed on the site, and I wished I would have asked you when you would be returning home. Please let us know when you are back and about your visit. Happy New Year Cat!!! Carole

    • #20806
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat!! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Have fun with your Grandchildren. Thank you for being such a supportive friend. Take care!

    • #20807
      p
      Участник

      How are things? Maybe you are still on holidays.. I hope you are having fun with those kiddies.. see you when you get back

      P

    • #20808
      finding_laura
      Участник

      And thank-you for your support and caring over the years. It has been gratefully accepted by this recovering CG. Sounds like your month has been a crazy busy time! I hope you have had a very Merry Christmas with your family and that you are enjoying a lovely holiday. As I read back through your month you reminded me of my issues with getting overwhelmed by too much too do and not enough time. A little at a time, I can only do what I can do. You too 🙂 Happy New Year Cat! Laura

    • #20809
      cat438
      Участник

      Carole, Liz, P, Ican and Laura for your wonderful and encouraging posts. I had such a great time with my Grandkids and met my new Granddaughter who is adorable. I feel so blessed to have been given these three grandchildren to love. I know that I miss so much of the fun stuff as we don’t live close to them. I do so treasure the time we do get to spend with them. Christmas was as it should be with two boys 3 and 6 totally wonderful. I find for me I get so much joy watching them as they open their presents. We were able to go and watch the 3 year olds at his skating lesson which is a real treat for us. We also got to watch our 6 year old play hockey which was awesome. It is so much fun to be able to be involved in their activities. I love the excitement and joy that children bring to our life. I loved holding our 2 month old granddaughter in my arms. I really needed the break and although the kids are active it was a truly relaxing break and just what I needed. We had a couple of days we were snowed in and it was just fantastic to be able to relax and spend time with our grandkids, our son and daughter-in-law.
      My spirit feels renewed and I feel so much more relaxed than I did a few weeks ago. It is always tough when we have to leave them and come home. I know when we retire we will be able to spend a month or two with them. I went back to work today, but I felt so much more relaxed and happy. I know that I need to get started working on our house again, but I will take it one day at a time and I will get there. I know that if I change my attitude and take it one day at a time I will get the decluttering of the basement done. Hubby has a really bad flu just now. He has gone from not being able to get warm to being too hot and he is aching all over. I feel bad for him. I have a work function to go to tomorrow evening and he was going with me, but I am not going to press him and will just go by myself if I have to. It is no fun to go out when you are feeling so bad. Also the weather here is absolutely freezing right now. It is the coldest December we have had for a century. I hope that January is not like this. All you do is rush from your house to the garage to get in your car, drive to where you are going and rush in to the shop or building you are going to. I wonder why we moved to a climate like this. I think as I have got older it bothers me more. It’s strange how as you get older everything seems to bother you more LOL
      I have been trying to read and catch up on your pages, but I thought I would do an update on my page as I have not posted for a while, and I don’t have time to catch up on everyone’s page right now. I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you a Health and Prosperous New Year!!!!

    • #20810
      icandothis
      Участник

      Good to have you back posting, Cat! Happy New Year!

    • #20811
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! Your time with your son and his family does sound to be just what you needed to rejuvenate your spirit. We all knew what a blessing it would be for you to spend time with those precious grandchildren of yours. There is nothing quite like seeing Christmas through the eyes of children. Wishing you a Happy New Year and a gamble-free 2014. Carole

    • #20812
      cat438
      Участник

      It is interesting how our emotions/moods go up and down like a yo-yo. I don’t know if everyone is like that, but I can go from feeling great to feeling in a funk as I like to call it. I don’t know why I am like that. I seem to go through stages where I go into a reclusive state and withdraw from everything for a while. I continue to read the posts, but don’t seem able to post and support anyone, but I still like to know that everyone is doing okay. I am thankful that I am feeling that I am out of it again though, until the next time.
      I don’t know if it is the New Year that is making me think about so many people we have not heard from for a while. Just to name a few I wonder how RG, Sherry, Pumpkin are doing. I hope and pray that they are okay and that they have found a way to deal with this addiction. Wishing everyone a happy gamble free day!!!

    • #20813
      p
      Участник

      Well i totally understand the human yo yo cycle of emotion.. you know i do right, because i live it too.. Ive come to realize I’m a yo yo of many things, i eat good some days not the next, I’m happy one day not the next, I’m grateful one day and moody the next, i want to gamble one day and feel weak and then feel strong and in recovery the next.. and the list goes on. Its always good to see you post. I love it when you do. I had to laugh as i was in grocery shopping a few days ago and i hear the taylor swift song, i thought of you instantly when you used to say how you thought of gambling that way, never ever ever getting back together… it gave me a giggle and made my shopping trip a little more fun.
      I hope that you are having a good week

      P

    • #20814
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! I did run into Pumkin in a chat and she’s still making that long commute to her job. She has taken a rest from breeding her cats, but still has several cats. She still has some of the same challenges she had. It was soooo nice to know that she’s still around because I too wonder how our friends are doing. I also ran into Sherry on chat and they have bought or built a house. It’s been a really long winter this year and according to my Aunt who lives where you live, you have had a lot of very cold weather as well. Do you have any training or workshops you could attend where I live? I have airmiles you could use plus you could stay with me and my cats. I’d love to see you again and have some laughs with you. Carole

    • #20815
      desdemona
      Участник

      (((Cat))) I’m booking a flight to your city today as my Mom took a fall and injured her back though the paramedics said they didn’t think she required transportation to hospital. I spoke to her and told her I would fly out tomorrow to spend a couple days with her. I will also be visiting her twin sister, My brother and with you of course. Maybe we can go out to dinner. Carole

    • #20816
      cat438
      Участник

      Hi Carole, it was so nice chatting to you on the phone. I am sorry that your mother had a fall, but and I am excited to see you when you get here.

    • #20817
      bettie
      Участник

      Hey how nice that you gals get to meet up again! I know that I sure enjoyed our visit -my only regret was that it couldn’t have been longer!
      Maybe it’s a New Years thing but I, like Miss P, find that I am missing the „old“ members too. I reread some old emails from Larry last night. I really miss his daily posts. It’s like one of those „moments in time“ that you wish hadn’t ended and you wish you had apreceated a bit more when it was happening.
      bettie

    • #20818
      p
      Участник

      Hows things… glad you are catching up with Carole.. i always love to read about the members here meeting face to face.. i think its a wonderful thing to connect to those we have chatted to for so long. Hope all is going well for you cat these days and hope to see a post from you soon too, says me who has been ultimately slack

      P

    • #20819
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat it was good to see you started the February thread, its thoughtful of you to do that each month and think its beneficial.
      I hope that you are doing well in your life today and i miss seeing your regular posts these days, I’m fighting for all us old timers of gt to get back to regular posting, can only do it myself though ahhhh acceptance is the key right.. happy one day at a timing to you and hope you share a post soon

      P

    • #20820
      cat438
      Участник

      I have not been posting lately as have been on a feeling blue streak, and tend to get reclusive when I am like that. I need to give myself a swift kick in the *** and get going. Our winter this year is never ending and it does tend to bring you down. It is time to think about all that I have to be grateful for. I have not gambled, I have a roof over my head, food to eat a job I love, although I am finding that a bit too much lately. I have a husband who drives me nuts with his drinking, but he stood by me with my gambling. I have three healthy kids and three healthy grandkids.
      I am needing to get my mo jo back and not be so lazy, and by that I mean being a couch potato when I come home by just sitting watching TV and zoning out.
      I will take today and be grateful for all that I have. Wishing everyone a „happy gamble free day“

    • #20821
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat
      I was so glad to see a post from you.. made my day. I was worried you were stepping away but here you are and it is wonderful to see. I have gone through those times too Cat and i understand. I had to get some anti depressant medication as it got so bad for me i was so unmotivated and couldn’t move forward, everything became too hard even little things and i was stuck. Now things are improving and i am so glad i got help. I also stay connected here and do a lot for my recovery every day as i did do a lot of gambling and never want to go back.
      I am so glad you are still gamble free and you are ok. Things will improve. Its just a phase and if you can’t get out of it ask for help maybe for this like you had to for gambling.
      Wishing you a better week ahead, here comes my thoughts from across the seas to you cat, open your arms and catch them

      P

    • #20822
      desdemona
      Участник

      (((Cat))) You work fulltime in an emotionally taxing position, so no wonder you just want to chill when you get home. And we’re not spring chickens anymore!!! You deserve to relax at the end of a day! This Canadian winter has been long due to the extreme cold and all the snow we got. Most people are just plain tired of it! Spring is around the corner and soon we’ll be complaining of how hot it is! Sorry you’re feeling blue! Has your daughter moved in yet?? How is the basement downsize and reno going?? Carole

    • #20823
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat

      I hope that you are having a good week.. i miss seeing your posts when you dont post but i also understand sometimes you just dont feel like it.. do whats good for you and do something nice for yourself too.. you deserve it you have done a great job of this recovery..its ongoing, it goes through phases, happy to hear about all of the phases, positive, negative its all part of the process.. sometimes it helps to get it out

      P

    • #20824
      desdemona
      Участник

      It was so nice to talk with you yesterday on the phone, and it was reassuring that you weren’t in crisis, but rather just pondering retirement and your life. I hope to be able to visit you if I can travel to see my mother this summer. She isn’t going to be around forever! That will depend on what my work situation is. If I’m working, I won’t be able to take time off. Carole

    • #20825
      cat438
      Участник

      I wonder why it is so difficult to keep a positive attitude and see the good things in life. I have been struggling lately with feeling negative about things. I know that I need to count my blessings and yet I find myself wallowing in a „poor me“ attitude for no reason. I read Lizbeth’s posts and she is so positive that I think I want to be like that. It all comes down to choices – I can choose to be positive or negative. I am going to work on counting my blessings again. I will work on eating healthy, being a bit more active by working on the house, and take it one day at a time!!! I miss RG’s posts as she was always posting about books and positive things on her page. I am so blessed that my friend Carole called me to see how I was. She is one of the many blessings in my life. I am going to work on posting something positive every day.

    • #20826
      desdemona
      Участник

      (((Cat))) I believe that it’s OK to do the „poor me“ for a short period of time, as long as we don’t get stuck there. You are facing the prospect of a life altering decision of retiring, with no firm plans of what you’re going to do with all that extra time on your hands. Reduced income and a husband that drinks too much are legitimate concerns. Will retirement be an excuse for your husband to increase his drinking as he will no longer have to be responsible for holding down a job? Will that affect you?? Yes it will! When I look at you (((Cat))), I don’t see a person who should lose weight. I see a wonderful caring understanding woman who laughs easily and is fun to be around. I tend to compare myself with (((Liz)) who is a tower of strength and courage. I always come up short compared to her, but I’m not her, and will never be able to make all the changes she has made. She quit smoking and stayed quit during her husband’s diagnosis and subsequent death and through her grief and bereavement. As we work our recovery, we change. I became unable to tolerate Danny’s abusive behavior towards me for another minute. It happens very often when an addict recovers that spouses/partners grow estranged as one person is growing and changing, and the other one isn’t. Relationships often don’t survive a spouse recovering. Vera told me about divorce Irish style, which had me laughing out loud!! Because many Irish people are staunch Catholics, they do not divorce, but rather keep living together, but do their own thing and have their own life, while still living with their spouse. Carole

    • #20827
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat
      I felt for you in your last post.. cat you know how much i have battled the ups and downs too and its still good to see you here, your posts dont have to be positive post about both its all part of recovery and life. I had to reach out for my depression and not coping by getting medication and it has helped me unbelievably.
      Maybe you could come into a chat group one day and chat, its really good, can be great to be able to communicate with others especially when you are feeling like you are now.
      What about counselling for yourself? Would you consider it?
      I miss seeing you posting. I come here and post negative posts then positive posts, i was negative for a long time but thats how i felt and i couldn’t shift it with any amount of positive thinking. It wasn’t until i got this medication when things got so hard that things turned around for me but took a long time. Its ok to ask for help if you need it in whatever way that is. Keep posting cat, you have friends here. Im one across the seas and my hand is always outstretched for you to grab onto. Good to see you again

      P

    • #20828
      reds
      Участник

      Hi Cat –
      So good to see you posting again and that you are well. Retirement is a huge change for sure. I hope you can redesign your life in ways that are satisfying, and hopefully even fun. I love your commitment to staying positive. Have a wonderful day of recovery and know that we value your presence here.
      reds

    • #20829
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! I don’t think you see it but I find all your posts on my thread very positive. You always have something positive to say and I take your advice to heart. You have been inspirational to me!! I look at myself and say, oh, I wish I was thinner, I had less wrinkles, ect… But I am learning to accept who I am and I am trying to improve myself for me!!!! Remember, no one looks like you or me, we are all unique and beautiful!!! I know you are a beautiful person, you just need to realize that. I hope retirement is awesome for you!!! Find things that Cat wants to do!!!! Take care, friend.

    • #20830
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks for your posts Carole, P, Red and Liz. I am typing this at home knowing that I should already be at work in my office. I don’t seem to be able to get going in the morning. It is interesting as a few years ago I was at work an hour early and started working. I feel as if now I am always late, but as the boss in the office I do have freedom, but I always feel guilty if I don’t go in on time. It is interesting though as I often have meetings in the evening and I am late getting home, but don’t take that into account. I know that I need to look after myself more. I believe that part of the problem is feeling tired, which can be related to two things the medication for depression and the weight gain. I just need to work my way through all this. I know that it will take time. It could also be related to getting older LOL I am rambling away here, but that is okay as it helps to clear things in my mind. Well I now feel that I have to go as the guilt is getting to me. Have a great gamble free day everyone!!!!

    • #20831
      bettie
      Участник

      Thanks for your post on my thread. I did go to the doctor and I have an upper respitory infection. I do feel better today and I will go to work even though I don’t feel like going. I just turned on the Hawks game and am going to sit back the rest of the evening.
      bettie

    • #20832
      cat438
      Участник

      I seem to have gotten to a place of fear with my gambling. I know that if I start playing those slots I can’t stop, so I have a fear of them. I don’t know if it is the right way, but if it keeps me away. I suppose I can change the word „fear“ to „powerless“ over those slots. I know that if I put one dollar in a slot then I can’t stop, and also I am never satisfied with one visit, all then the never ending cycle starts again, and all I can think about is getting back to gambling. I will continue to take it one day at a time as that is all I can do. I can chose to make this a gamble free day, and that is my choice today.
      I will work on counting my blessings and I am a work in progress and always will be. I read all these books about improving myself, but I have to remember that it is progress not perfection. I am choosing to look on the positive side of things today. Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

    • #20833
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Just wanted to say hi. I hope you are feeling more positive. I was feeling so positive yesterday. Now, today, I am feeling low and unmotivated. My feelings can change so quickly. We had a huge snow storm yesterday, but today it is bright and sunny. Really, quite beautiful. For WINTER that is! lol Have a great day, Cat!

    • #20834
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat, I hope you are having a good day. I know that I always have to keep myself in reality with my gambling addiction. My triggers are boredom, stress and anxiety. Yesterday, I was surprised that I didn’t have any gambling urges with what my Mother said. I had stress but removed myself from the situation and went home to my own environment. (stress free) I take in one day at a time also. That’s all we can do! I know it would be a disaster is I started gambling again. I would be in that vicious cycle!! I think looking at the positives leads to healthy living. You are doing the right things!!! Have a great gamble free day!!

    • #20835
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks Ican and Liz for your posts. We had more snow again last night and it is difficult to keep positive with this „never ending winter“. I so love spring when the flowers come up, but it is going to be a while until they are here as there is still so much snow to melt, and there is more forecast for Thursday. We have about 4 ft of snow in our back yard. This is apparently the worst winter for 35 years. We came to Canada 34 years ago, and I can tell you if this had been our first winter I don’t think I would have stayed LOL
      I am finding with having put on weight that I am more tired and I feel lazy, and everything is such an effort. I sit at a desk most of the day and then I come home and veg out in front of the TV. It is not healthy and I don’t like feeling like this so it is up to me to do something about this. I need to start working on ODAAT with my eating and exercising. I can do it, I can eat healthier and do more around the house, and go for a walk. I need to go see my counsellor. It is another new one as the one I was seeing has moved Provinces. I really miss the first counsellor I saw, but she retired. This will be the 4th counsellor in just under 3 years. It is what it is and I need to get that appointment made.
      GT is quiet right now, but I will come and post as I need to for myself. Wishing everyone a Happy St. Patrick’s Day and a gamble free day!!!!

    • #20836
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! Winter here in Alberta has been a long cold one as well, but having spent 26 days in your city, I can say that yours has been much colder and more snow has fallen, so I feel for you. When you said that this will be your 4th counsellor in 3 years, it reminded me of my sister who had 2 psychiatrists die on her when she was getting counselling. If a person has rejection/abandonment issues it can be triggering. When a person doesn’t feel good about the way they look, it affects how we see the world and how we interact with it. I was doing well with my weight loss efforts till I spent those days in your city. I haven’t been able to get back on track and have gained the weight I lost, back. I too feel stuck in a rut with my life. But only I can change that, and I don’t know what that is going to take. But you’re gamble free for a very long time, so that’s a HUGE achievement. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!! Carole

    • #20837
      cat438
      Участник

      Your post really means so much to me. Your support over the years has never wavered. I am sorry that you are having a challenging time getting back on track with your weight and also that you are feeling in a rut. I hope and pray that you get a call for a second interview, or that something else works out for you. It is challenging that we are not „independently wealthy“ LOL as then we could retire, travel and in general do what we wanted. Well we would not be able to gamble as we would not be wealthy for long. Although, wealth with money may seem like the jackpot, in reality our health is worth more than money can buy. I believe once the weather gets better it will help. I did try yesterday to eat a bit healthier, and did to a degree, but today is another day so I will try again. I am not giving up and that is a step in the right direction.
      Have a great gamble free day everyone!!!!!

    • #20838
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Just wanted to thank you for all your support. I would not be where I am in recovery…which is a better place than I was 2 years ago if it weren’t for GT and people like you.

    • #20839
      cat438
      Участник

      Ican thanks for your post, and it is so true that we would not be where we are today in recovery without the support of GT and the wonderful people who helps us in our recovery journey. I don’t know if anyone has come here and not had a slip, a gambling binge along the way. How many times I came here and posted about another slip or gambling, as Vera calls them. The times I did not want to post that I had gambled that I wanted to hide away and lick my wounds, but I forced myself to admit to everyone that I gambled again. The care, compassion and suggestions to help me get on track again that I needed was right here for me. I know that some days I would love to go play machines and just escape and have a night of excitement, but all it does is make me feel worse again. I go back to the self loathing and hating myself. I don’t think I can go through that again, but I know that all I need to do is put one dollar in a machine and that is what will happen. I am one bet away from that and it scares the he** out of me.
      I have to work on looking at life on a more positive light and start enjoying things again. I am a work in progress and I will continue to work on myself, but I am a slow learner LOL as I keep sliding back into old habits with my self talking. I am not giving up though. I love to read Liz’s posts as there is a serenity that comes across in them. I am working towards finding that serenity for myself. I procrastinate something terrible, but I am also not a quitter and will not give up on myself. Well I had better go and get ready for work and I just might make it on time LOL Although I had a meeting last night and the night before so I have worked an extra 6 hours over the last couple of days so I should not be so hard on myself if I go in 30 minutes later, but for some reason I feel guilty if I do that. That is some of the things I need to work on. I am rambling but it helps get my thoughts out. Have a wonderful gamble free day everyone!!!!

    • #20840
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! I know that if I hadn’t came to GT and didn’t have all the support from all of you here, I would still be gambling. It takes a lot for anyone to come back here after gambling slips. I know that I have after slips and everyone was here to support me. Cat, I changed a lot about the way I look at things since my Husbands death. That is a positive thing that came from his death. I know you are not a quitter!! You have always said a lot of positive things to me when I was feeling low. Don’t forget how you are there for others. I think that is one of the most endearing qualities about you. You are a caring person. All we can do is keep working on ourselves. I know that I have a lot to work on and I am trying. Sometimes it seems like we are not getting anywhere. Changing ourselves takes time. Take care and do something nice just for yourself.

    • #20841
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! I do feel like I am living in a snow globe and that some jerk is shaking it in a sadistic way. I am so done with snow and cold, as you are! I am looking forward to complaining about how hot it is outside!!! How are the basement renos and organizing coming along? When is your daughter moving in? There is nothing new under the sun when it comes to gambling, so we’d best keep our bills in our purse, instead of allowing some greedy government to devour our cash. Gambling is habit and distraction from life for me. You have done exceptionally well with your recovery. Way to go!! Carole

    • #20842
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! I read on someone else’s thread that you had a problem with a staff member showing you attitude. I’m from the old school where no matter what is going on in a person’s personal life, you don’t bring it to the workplace. If someone is your supervisor, you respect that person even if you don’t agree with them. I can’t imagine ever giving a supervisor „attitude.“ In my day that was called insubordination, and a person could be dismissed immediately for that. I believe that a lot of kids are being raised not to respect their parents and other significant others, and that the world revolves around them. That’s hardly preparation for life as an adult. Carole

    • #20843
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Cat, Thanks for your post on my thread. Your posts calm me and make me think straight. I think, Mother and Daughter relationships are hard!!! And like you said, communication is the key to a good relationship. I hope you are having a awesome day!!

    • #20844
      icandothis
      Участник

      Cat, thank you for your supportive post. You are right. The mind is so powerful! Just for today, „I can’t gamble“…so I am going to focus on the things that „I can“ do instead. My mind is clearer than yesterday. I have had this week off, so today will be a day to regroup and get ready for next week. Also, to ask what changes can I make.

    • #20845
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! I see you haven’t posted on your own thread for some time. I hope you’re well and happy! I’m back in the city till Friday, and then will return to my acreage. I am moving back to try it again with Danny. I was dreading it but Bettie mentioned that it might not be as bad as I was anticipating. That changed the way I decided to approach moving back. I managed to pull myself back from the brink of disaster after my last bout with uncontrolled compulsive gambling. I have to admit that I got scared that working recovery was over for me. I gave up my debit card which has been so helpful to me. I can’t access cash advances from my credit card as I cancelled that some time back. I pay my bills online so no reason to go to the bank. I finally was ready to not have a debit card. If Danny gives it back to me, I will cut it up in front of him. He doesn’t understand that I can’t gamble in a controlled manner. I am watching My 600 Pound Life, waiting for my granddaughter to come home with ice cream. Lol! Carole

    • #20846
      icandothis
      Участник

      Happy Birthday, Cat! Enjoy your special day and Easter, too!

    • #20847
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks everyone for your posts. I have been so busy with work and have not had time to think about anything else. It is a blessing as when I am busy like that I don’t think about gambling. I believe it proves to me that I have to keep myself busy as I am happier when I don’t know what to do first. We had a big fundraising event and it went great!!! It’s now all the clean up to do after an event, but it is so rewarding when you work hard and it is a success. I also know that after it is over there is still lots to do, but not the same deadline and that is when I have to be careful not to think of gambling. It’s almost like brides get when they are planning a wedding and then afterward they feel a bit down as they have been so focused on the wedding and afterwards they don’t know what to do. I have enough to do though, but it is keeping the motivation going. It is at times like this that I think, do I really want to retire as I do enjoy the challenge. I wish I could get the motivation that I had for the event to come to me for the stuff I have to do in the house.
      Our daughter has now moved back so we are working on the basement. She is going to help with it so she will be the one pushing me to get things done LOL, it’s like a role reversal, as when she was younger it was me telling her to get things tidied etc. I know that I will be happy once we are finished with the basement. Also our son, dil and grandkids are coming in the summer so it has to be finished by then. I think it helps when you have a reason to get things done by a certain time, as it does help to motivate you. I do need to get some energy back though, but at least I do feel happier. I believe the winter was really getting me down this year as it was so long!! The snow is almost all away YEAH!!! I now need to focus on losing some weight and eating healthier etc. ODAAT Wishing everyone a wonder gamble free day!!

    • #20848
      cat438
      Участник

      I am sitting looking at a picture of lambs on my desk. I love lambs, but it is the saying on the picture that is important… „Don’t count the days, Make the days count“ I can relate to that with counting gamble free days, and it is so true when we are not gambling we don’t always make the days count. We are so caught up in our thoughts of wanting to gamble that we cant think of anything else.
      I know that I need to get on with the boxes in my basement and other things, but have been procrastinating and carrying around this guilt that I have not done them. It’s time to get going though. I am noticing that with the sun shining and the snow gone that I am feeling a bit more optimistic. I am so looking forward to having a few days off from work, and hopefully I can do some of my boxes. I will get there eventually.
      I am so grateful for many things that I have been blessed with and I just need to remember to be „nice and kind“ to myself. It may help me better to get things done than berating myself all the time!!!
      I am rambling, but hey, if it helps me that is fine by me.
      Have a wonderful gamble free day everyone, you deserve it!!!

    • #20849
      Анонимен
      Гост

      Hi Cat

      Firstly thanks for the great reply that you left on my thread last week. I do work long hours and by the time I get home most nights I just havn’t got it in me to write anything, although sometimes I go to sleep drafting a reply in my head which never materialises.

      I’ve read a few of your posts in the last couple of days and what shines through the words to me is a lady who has grasped recovery good and proper with both hands, and its really good to see.

      Recovery is there for us all and you are showing the way to many I’m sure.

      You have had a lot to deal with in life over the last few years but you’ve dealt with it and shown that the way forward is to do exactly that, deal with it, not hide in front of a slot machine or escape into some other avenue of gambling.
      Good on you, rambling is better than gambling, so you carry on rambling its good to read. I hope you don’t find your boxes too daunting!

      Thanks.

      Geordie.

    • #20850
      bettie
      Участник

      I was doing a bit of bed time reading and thought I would say hello before I jump in the sack.
      You know procrastnation is just a waste of time. I know thats true as I am the queen of procrastination!
      I really need to quit smoking and tried Chantax for a week-until I realized it was making my blood sugar crazy! I am a bit dissapointed and went and spent money on a carton of cigs! At $100 for 10 packs ( About 1/2 that in Indiana where my meeting is) that $300 a month that I spend on yet another addiction~how stupid am I?
      Oh well before I continue to hijack your thread I am off to bed and wishing you a wonderful weekend.
      bettie

    • #20851
      cat438
      Участник

      I don’t know why they come, but they do, the thoughts and yearning to go and play the slots. My mind plays tricks with me and I think I could go just one more time. I miss my machine as when I am with her I don’t think of anything. I have no worries, cares and everything is wonderful. I am sitting watching and waiting for the big win that my machine will give me. I have been to the Cash Machine for more money so many times that it has to be due to pay. My machine who I thought was my friend is now laughing at me, telling me that I am a mug, my friend has taken my last dollar and I cant get any more cash. I was so enjoying escaping from life’s challenges and now all that has happened is that I have more challenges. I have lost so much money, how will I hide it from my husband. Our savings account has dwindled since I started playing machines. And yet I keep going back as just maybe this is my lucky day. I might win the jackpot and that would solve all my problems. I sat and cried in the car many times wondering how I could hide my addiction. I got money from my credit card and that is what allowed me to gamble and hide it from husband. I kept going and hoping for the big wine to clear my debts. The big win never came and all I did was get deeper into debt. I know that I can’t gamble responsibly as I have tried it so many times. And yes it has just passed 18 months since I last played machines, and yes I do get thoughts/urges at times, and I thank God that he has given me the courage to change the things I can, and that is to stay away from gambling machines. I know that I am not cured and just like that my gamble free time would be gone. We are all the same time away from our next bet. I don’t get the urges as bad as I did when I first stopped, but I know to be aware as if I put one dollar in a machine then I am back to the dreaded Day 1.
      I am rambling on here, as when I first posted I was having good memories and thoughts about being able to play machines, but slowly the reality of playing them kicked in.
      I thank God for that as I know I cant do it alone.

    • #20852
      cat438
      Участник

      I had a lovely surprise last night as my son and daughter-in-sin as I call her came by to give me my birthday present. We had plans to get together closer to my birthday, but we had to change as my husband and son had to work so I was not upset that it was a couple of weeks late. I got a lovely Pandora bracelet from them, along with tulips and they brought a lemon meringue pie. We had a lovely visit and my daughter was here as well. My daughter gave me an early Mother’s Day present which was two charms for the bracelet. I felt really spoiled and special. My daughter-in-sin and I had a long chat on the phone a couple of weeks ago and it was wonderful and open and I think it helped both of us. It is interesting how communication is always the answer to everything. I feel more content today. Now that does not mean that I have started on my boxes in the basement yet LOL I am just grateful and thankful for the many blessings that I have been given.
      My daughter has moved back home for a while and we are slowly working on renovating the basement again. I am looking forward to it being completed, but I have to remember to take it one day at a time!!!
      Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!
      Has anyone heard from P in the groups? I don’t like when she does not post as I get concerned about her.

    • #20853
      peacegirl
      Участник

      I read your post Cat above where you said you miss your machines and all that, and wow it was like I was writing it myself! I feel exactly the same way!! But 18 months is huge, what an accomplishment.. And for you to keep posting and realizing that you still need to is amazing. I can only hope in 18 months I have not gambled and that I am still working on things and coming and getting my feeling out! Thank you for that post!!!

    • #20854
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks Vera and Peacegirl for your posts. It is interesting when we read posts from others as we understand and can relate to them so well. I find it interesting as sometimes I just start typing and it amazes me what comes out. It is like my therapy. The same thing would happen when I went to see the counsellor I would just start talking and it was amazing what came out.
      I had a great weekend and got lots done around the house. It’s terrible when you judge your weekend on how much stuff you did in the house. It was an absolutely gorgeous day on Saturday, the sun was shining and it was warm. I did my laundry, changed the sheets etc on my bed. I worked on the basement. I got rid of some furniture on Kijji so gave me some space. I felt that I actually achieved something. Now if only I could keep the momentum going. Had a lovely visit on Skype with my grandkids, son, his wife and my son and daughter were also here. It was a good day. Any day not gambling is a good day. I am rambling away, but that’s okay I am allowed to do that. It’s Monday morning and I know that I have a busy week ahead of me at work. It will get a bit easier soon. One day at a time. I do not plan on gambling today!!!

    • #20855
      cat438
      Участник

      I think it was Peacegirl who asked why we continue to post even when we have gamble free time. It really made me think and for me it makes me accountable. It also made me think of the word „trust“ and I know that I don’t trust myself around machines. I know that the urges and thoughts don’t come as often if you have some time since your last bet, but out of the blue they still come. If I was not posting here would I say to heck with it and go and play those machines. I know that I don’t trust myself not to play them, so I continue to post. I know that when I first started recovery and I am not talking about all the times I stopped before I came to GT, when I got to a week. I am talking about when I joined GT and then went on a week’s gambling binge. I slowly worked on it and got to 90 days, and I thought I had it beat LOL I was devastated, how could I have been so stupid to gamble again. I had other milestones along the way and had many Day 1’s. The difference now is I know that I don’t have it beat like I did the first time I got to 90 days. I know that if I put one dollar in a machine it will be the same old story. I feel bad about the amount of money that I wasted. I now have a different perspective of money and now that we are wanting to retire I think, if only I had all that money in our account. I know that it will not magically appear and there is no such thing as a BIG WIN for a compulsive gambler. We all learn from one another and I know that it gave me hope when others who had gamble free time posted. It also helped me when others who had a slip/gambled posted. I don’t know how many times I came and posted after a slip/gambling and I found support and caring here on GT. I know that when I read about anyone who has slipped/gambled I feel for that person and want to support them. We all want to help one another with this horrible addiction and although I may have some gamble free time now, I also know that I am not cured, and just like that it could be me posting that I am on Day 1. I believe that gamble free time means we don’t get the thoughts/urges as often, but we have to still be on guard when they do come, we also know that we are all the same when it comes to placing the next bet. I wish that there was no such thing as a compulsive gambler and addiction to gambling and all I can do is hope and pray that we can all have a gamble free day today!!! It took me a long time to accept that I am powerless with slot machines. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I said this prayer so many times when I started recovery and I continue to use it. I am a compulsive gambler is hard to accept, but I am, no matter how much I want to change it, I have to accept it.

    • #20856
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Just wanted to say hi and thank you for all your posts…to me and to others as well. Something you said about the impatience of CG’s really struck a chord with me. Especially, when I realized that a year had gone by since I started my thread. I couldn’t believe it. I don’t want another year to slip by as I continue to slip, slip, slip! I am hanging on to a quote that says, „The days are long, but the years are short.“ Today is one of those looong days!
      Like you said, we like instant gratification. Especially on these restless days. Making this year different…changing our lives…begins with the choices we make today. Patience, patience, patience…ODAAT! Thanks for all your support. I hope you realize the importance of your posts to this site and that you know how much we appreciate your contribution.

    • #20857
      peacegirl
      Участник

      I think when I first came here in Feb,and talked to everyone and then banned myself and thought well now I am done, that I felt for some reason that I didn’t need to keep posting.. I actually lost the way to get on here, and it wasn’t until 2 months later when I fell and fell hard, that I realized, and realize now that we have this outlet to use each day as we move forward and we are never „done.“ We are compulsive gamblers and will always have to guard ourselves. I see that now. I am humbled realizing I have no power, that I can’t just say I am done and expect no urges or things to come up. So, I understand why we post- but it does impress me when someone is gamble free for 3 years and still posting! I think it’s amazing and wonderful that they never loose that thought in their head that we are just one little bet away from being right back to square one. For myself with the passing of time, I often forget and I just hope in 3 years I am still here, still posting and still taking it ODAAT! All the best Cat and everyone else too!

    • #20858
      p
      Участник

      Thank you cat for supporting me.. i appreciate it, its a struggle right now mentally, financially, emotionally, physically.. all of my own creation.. thank you for thinking of me

      P

    • #20859
      cat438
      Участник

      I hate this disease and what it does to so many wonderful and caring people. I read the pain that is written by so many as they struggle with this addiction. There is no easy or magic pill to keep us away from gambling, in my case, slot machines. How can it turn people into doing things they would never consider doing under normal circumstances. I remember pay day was a trigger for me as I had money I could gamble again. I went from someone who always paid their bills on time to this person who did not care about that any more, but wanted the money to put in machines. The reason I went for help was that I was devastated on how much money I had lost. I believe that is the main reason anyone goes for help. I could not believe that I was addicted to slot machines. How could any normal, intelligent person sit and watch machines go round and keep feeding money into them. It does not make sense, but it is what happens. The addictive brain does not see it like that though, all we want is the high, the buzz or whatever we want to call it, or is it just to escape. I don’t know what the hell it is, but it causes so much pain and suffering to so many. I am angry about this right now. I don’t want people to have to go through all this. The funny thing is I am so mad about it that I want to run to and play a slot machine. Now how frigging stupid is that. I have to calm down and breath as this is not helping me. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I am getting out my anger and frustration and I apologize if my words offend anyone.

    • #20860
      peacegirl
      Участник

      Out at a thrift store, I saw a slot machine for sale, and I wondered as well if I had it in my house would it even appeal to me at all. I thought maybe it would be fun a little, but I would likely tire of it easily. Why is that we don’t tire of the machine in a casino where our money goes in and never comes out!! Strange..

    • #20861
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks for your posts (((Vera))) and (((peacegirl))) I played the free slots a few weeks ago and I stopped as all it did was make me want the real thing. I know that I am not cured and there are days when I would love to play those machines, but I am a compulsive gambler and once I start I can’t stop. Do I like the fact that I am a compulsive gambler, NO, do I wish I could be a normal gambler, YES, but no amount of wishing and dreaming will ever make me a normal gambler where those machines are concerned. It is what it is and I have no choice, but to accept it, the other consequences don’t even bear thinking about. I continue to have a fear of ending up playing those slots again, which is helping to keep me away. I know as someone who quit smoking for over 14 years and started again that you are never cured from an addiction. I now have to work on quitting smoking again. I wish I could get addicted to healthy eating and exercising LOL Although, I should not laugh as for some people that is a real addiction. It is just when you are overweight and don’t exercise you think it would be wonderful.
      I am proud to say that I started on my boxes in the basement on the weekend and have been busy discarding and organizing them. I have still lots more to do, but I feel as if I have got some interest in doing it. I am focusing on my home just now and it is helping me have a more positive outlook with the boxes. I am also seeing progress in the renovations we are doing in the basement, so one step at a time. I find that I do need to have a focus as it does help to keep the mind away from my „friend the slots“ NOT my friend, but the mind plays tricks on us. When the thoughts and urges come to gamble it is difficult to get our mind onto other things. We just want to go one more time, but alas it is never ever one more time. How do I know this, because for me I have gone back one more time again and again and again, and the results never changed as I ended back in a gambling binge fighting to stay away. I have to write that down so that I continue to remember that part of this addiction. It is just like an alcoholic taking one drink, a smoker taking one puff it never ever stops there. I am a compulsive gambler and I am powerless over those machines once I put one dollar in. I do not plan on gambling today!!!

    • #20862
      bettie
      Участник

      Surrender ! I hear it in your „voice“ and we can do it every day if we need to!
      I love that gift of spring from my customer today. Very lovely-the mom sent the son in with it and I hugged him-twice! lol!
      Keep venting and sharing and don’t forget to pat yourself on the back. You’re doing a great job Cat!
      bettie

    • #20863
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks Bettie you are as sweet as always!!!

      After I read Liz’s post it is really hitting me that I need to change my attitude towards my husband’s addiction and try and encourage him to get help. I am angry at him because of his drinking, and I am pulling away from him emotionally, which is not healthy for him or me. I know that he has to be the one to stop, but my pulling away from him is not the best way to deal with it. I have this anger towards him inside me though about his drinking and I am not communicating with him like I should be. God help me find the strength and courage to deal with this in a healthy way for him and me.

    • #20864
      velvet
      Модератор

      Hi Cat
      You know the only person who can control your husband’s addiction is him and you are angry because he is not doing so and you cannot save him. I would imagine a lot of your anger is because you have faced your demons – so why can’t he?
      Do you have an Al-anon near you to support you?
      It is easy to assume that because you have controlled your addiction you will understand how to cope with living with someone with addiction but I don’t think that follows at all.
      Pulling away in the sense of protecting your mind from his problem is probably a good way forward in that you must not allow his addiction to pull you down. However pulling away generally is possibly making him feel unwanted, unlovable and unworthy, all of which are excuses/reasons/triggers for him to drink. Attending AA and Alanon together hopefully might let him know you want to understand and support him.
      Do you ever have a drink with him Cat?
      It will take courage and strength to deal with your husband in a healthy way but you can do it but please protect yourself first because your health matters – if you go down because of his addiction you will not be able to protect yourself and ultimately you being in control of your addiction is the best thing you can do for both of you.
      Velvet

    • #20865
      cat438
      Участник

      Velvet thank you for your post and I do appreciate that you took the time to post. I have been dealing with hubby’s drinking for years and I think to some extent it may have been part of the reason that I ended up going to the Casino. In the evening he comes home from work and drinks. He has stopped drinking hard liquor and now it is just beer. He limits himself by only buying 8 or 10 cans a night. He would call me some evenings on my way home from work if I had been at a meeting asking me to pick up more beer. I told him that I will no longer pick up beer for him which he now accepts. I thought it was an interesting question you asked.. did I ever have a drink with him. The answer is NO. I am a social drinker and it is few and far between that I drink a glass of wine. He was not really a drinker either, sure when we were younger we would go out at weekends, but then we had kids and we would go out sometimes, but drinking was not the main focus. I realize now that I let him treat me very badly when he was drunk, meaning he was verbally abusive when he drank hard liquor. We had a bit of a blow out about 5 years ago. We were at a cabin for the weekend and he was totally drunk. His sister and her husband were there as well. After that I told him that I was not going to be around if this is what life was going to be like with him. We were talking about retiring and I think I just panicked that this was going to be my life in retirement. He stopped drinking hard liquor and went to beer. I think the long and the short of it is that I am angry at him for the way he treated me, which I allowed for years, when he was drunk. I now wish that I had done something sooner, but I cant change the past. We are getting closer to retiring and I do find myself not looking forward to it with his drinking. He is a functioning alcoholic as he works full time and also does renovations around the house.
      I have for years been saying that I want to go to Al Anon, but have not done anything about it. I have suggested that he go to AA but he said he could not do that. I suppose to some degree I am burying my head in the sand and not dealing with it. It is unusual for me to even post all this so that is progress. I know that gambling is not the answer, but I now understand that going to the Casino and playing slots was like a numbing feeling for me to escape his drinking and any stress that I had in my life. I know gambling is not the answer, but I still have to be aware that I do want to run and play slots to escape. One day at a time. I do not plan on gambling today!!!

    • #20866
      p
      Участник

      I love your strength in this recovery.. you have done a great job. I really admire you. You are facing life and its problems without gambling and always so kind offering advice and help to others.. i really thank you for being here Cat. Im struggling badly, have ruined myself really.. but i am here. Its words like yours that keep me going, we never know when we are helping someone

      P

    • #20867
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! First, I would like to tell you how important your posts are to me. Especially these last few days concerning my daughter. I found comfort in them and when I was down, I would reread all of the posts. They helped me get through. Cat, you know that my husband was a functioning alcoholic. He held down a job and would help do things around the home. He was very anti social. He had work friends and family. I couldn’t get him to take up a hobby especially as the years went by. In the beginning of our marriage, we fished a lot with the kids and enjoyed the out doors, but when the kids grew up, he stopped doing that also. I would have to say that Al Anon was a good for me. I attended many meetings and it helped me understand my role in his drinking. I never bought him his beer. I rarely drink. I had 2 foo foo drinks when my oldest Daughter and I went on our spa trip. That was the first time I drank in 5 years. It is strange but growing up around a lot of addiction, I made the promise to myself not to be a alcoholic and drug user but I couldn’t escape a gambling addiction. I think that I gambled a lot to escape my husband’s drinking issues and our home life. It did numb me. Maybe think about Al Anon. You could try a few meetings and see how it goes. I used to worry about when my husband retired and if he was just going to drink all the time. I was trying to make plans for us to travel, ect… He was going to retire in 3 years but he didn’t make it. I want you to have a happy retirement and not a stressful one!! I hope I am not over stepping in saying these things. I just want the best for you.

    • #20868
      cat438
      Участник

      P and Liza thank you for your supportive posts. I think we all go through different things in our life’s. It is interesting, that if we as a child lived with a parent with an addiction it could impact you in different ways. My mum did not drink and did not like drinking as she lived through having an alcoholic father. I can remember when I was a child, probably around 10 years or so, she locked my Dad out the house when he came home and had been drinking. My Dad did not drink very often, but she just had such a strong feeling against drinking that she would not put up with her husband drinking. The sad part is my brother is an alcoholic and I know that it caused her years of worry. Sadly she has passed away and my brother is still an alcoholic. He is a very happy drunk though, but I am sure my sister-in-law, who does not drink now, would prefer he did not drink. My Dad was a gambling addict though, it was the horses and sometimes the dogs, and he spent his time at the betting shop. I know that I hated gambling because of my Dad, and I was always so careful about going to the Casino and gambling because I did not want to become addicted. Well for some reason I did end up addicted, even though I was aware to be careful. I now forgive my Dad for all the hurt he caused because of his gambling. I don’t know if that was one of the lessons I had to learn so that I could forgive my Dad.
      I was never too concerned about drinking as I was not in a situation as a kid where drinking was a problem. I now know that drinking and alcoholism is a problem. I actually said to my hubby the other evening that I was not retiring until he had stopped drinking for six months. I will see how it goes. I also know that I do need to go to Al Anon and I don’t know why I don’t go. I think it is because I like to pretend to the outside world that my life is wonderful. I also know that it is not a healthy way to live. I need to do what is right for me and my emotional health. I am so grateful to have the support of people who understand and have gone through similar situations. I will keep working away at myself, it is taking me a while, but I will get to Al Anon eventually.
      I am busy slowly working on going through boxes and „stuff“ in the basement. I don’t know why it seems like such a monumental task, but it is. I am making progress though and have gotten rid of lots of „stuff“ and organized things I am keeping and packed them away in labeled plastic tubs. I just have to keep the momentum going. We also have the bathroom in the basement ripped out and we have bought a new bath and hubby will be plumbing it in. We had a shower in before so it will be a bit more complicated for him. We will need to buy a new sink and toilet as we are totally renovating it. We also got a new window installed in the basement bedroom, which means it’s a legal bedroom. We are really renovating it and doing the work ourselves. It’s interesting as hubby said when we did this 25 years ago it was done in no time. Also the boys were teenagers and helped with a lot of the stuff with him. As you get older the stamina is not there.
      Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

    • #20869
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Cat, we all have to live our lives the way we see fit. I hope I didn’t come off as preachy to you as that wasn’t my intent. I wanted to share something with you. I left my Husband because of his drinking and we divorced. We were apart for 5 years. We had contact through work and were friendly to each other. During that time I fell in love with someone and we were going to marry. I called off the wedding and we broke up. I still was in love with my Husband. We got back together and remarried. He was still drinking. None of that changed. So, who was the sick one?? I went right back into the same mess. My Husband refused to go to AA. I was just saying that Al Anon helped me cope with his drinking. I am glad now that I did go back as I am afraid that they would have been no one to care for my Husband during his final days. And for that I am grateful that I was there for him. Life is strange. I try not to think about how different my life would have been if I had remarried. I believe things happen for a reason. It is obvious that you love your Husband. It sounds like you have been real busy going through stuff in the basement. A big undertaking with the remodel. All we can do Cat is work on ourselves. I know that I am a work in progress and that I still have a lot to learn. Have a great day!!!

    • #20870
      cat438
      Участник

      Liz I did not feel that you did came off as preachy to me, you came off as very supportive and helpful, sharing information that may help me, and I really appreciate that you did. It is true I do love my husband as you did with your husband. Thank you for sharing what you have been through Liz, and I know you have gone through so much. Life can be challenging, but we have to keep working at it. I think for me my problem is that sometimes I keep things inside and don’t share with others. I know that I am a work in progress and I will continue working on improving myself and how I deal with things. I know I have to take it one day at a time.

    • #20871
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Thanks for your post. I don’t know why my Mom likes to mention going to the casino to me. It is very hurtful and really gets to me. Maybe that is why she does it!! I love my Mom but our relationship is very superfical and I would never confide to her about any issues I have. I have done that in the past and either she stares at me blankly or throws it in my face. At least I can now recognize this and I don’t go there with her anymore. I think it was Carole that told me that I might never get what I need emotionally from my Mom. I am trying to accept my Mom for who she is. Sorry to take up so much space in your thread. Anyways, I didn’t gamble and I pushed the urges out of my mind. Take care.

    • #20872
      cat438
      Участник

      Liz thanks for your post and anytime you post to my thread you are never taking up my post. It is challenging when the person we want to be there for us the most is not there. It is a difficult thing to deal with. We sometimes just need someone to lean on and provide emotional support to us and I know that for me my mother was always there for me in that way. It would not matter what I did she would always be there for me. I realize now that I am older that my Dad loved me in his own way, but it has taken years for me to realize that. He was the strict disciplinarian and had a gambling addiction and his was betting on the horses. I hated him for years because of it. There were times we could not get things as he had to have his gambling money. I believe that I was given this addiction so that I could forgive my Dad. Life is strange at times.
      I am finding it interesting how the negative thought pattern impacts us and I am not just talking about with gambling. I have done quite a bit with sorting my boxes and organizing things in the basement, but I don’t take time to say a positive word to myself in my head. It’s still negative thinking about I need to get off my but and go through the stuff still to be done and get it finished. I have probably done about 60% of it, but I don’t look at that, I look at what I still have to do. I know that I will get it done. I also need to get out this weekend and do some weeding and plant some flowers. I know that I will feel so much better if I do it. I love to have it looking nice, but I don’t like the work associated with it, even though the exercise is good for me. It is two fold I am getting older and I don’t have the stamina to keep going as I did when I was 30 and also being overweight and out of shape does not help. I work full time plus and I am wanting the basement finished. Well, I can only do what I can do, so I will take it one day at a time and I will get there. I do not plan on gambling today. Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!

    • #20873
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Thank you for your post on my thread. Very encouraging. I think I will take you up on your suggestion. Right after I post, I am going to print out a calendar for the rest of the year. There are still 7 months left. I really want this, Cat. I know where I went wrong. I can use this to do whatever I can to not let it happen again. I think the calendar will keep me focused, and a way to give myself positive reinforcement. Speaking of…do the same for yourself. Give yourself some kind of reward for each box or something bigger for more than one. Maybe try to think of ways to make the job more appealing. When I clean or straighten, I like to listen to speeches on youtube. Usually something motivational. I like that I am taking time to listen to something worthwhile, humorous, educational, or just entertaining, and I am also getting something accomplished at the same time. Or, as Deb might do, listen to some foot stomping music! You already know how to be kind to others, and you know it more than most! Now, is the time to give it to yourself, Cat. I think this is very important, Cat. Not something you say you should do, but something you begin doing today. Maybe it’s a CG thing. Even when we are not gambling, we can still find things to beat ourselves up about. Try not to do it anymore, Cat. I think it will make a huge difference in the quality of your life.
      Not trying to preach. Thinking of myself. Thinking of how I must try not to beat myself up. So difficult when I have messed things up so badly. These days will pass, and before I know it, I will have a calendar full of smiley faces and stickers and happy memories of many, many gamble-free days! You are right, Cat, I can do this.

    • #20874
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Cat thanks for your last post. I always find you very supportive and caring and it is comforting to me. I think I was having a pity party when I posted about my Mother and Sister. It is what it is!! The only difference is how I let it affect me and what I learn from it. I know that I have a lot to give and I am going to meet new people and find new friends here. It is just hard sometimes when the world as you have known it for 29 years is taken away from you and you have to start over. I have days that I struggle without my Husband but I have good days also. He is always with me!!! A good thing is that I haven’t had many gambling urges and I have been able to squash them quickly. I hope you are having a good day!! Take care.

    • #20875
      p
      Участник

      Things are bad. The worst so far. Just hanging on to a shred of sanity and trying to come to terms with the damage. Starting over today AGAIN

    • #20876
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Thank you for the birthday wishes. Being the procrastinator that I am, I just printed out a blank calendar for the rest of the year. I have decided to put a big green dollar sign on each day that is gamble-free. I think this will also symbolize…and hopefully attract lol…money flowing in from other sources other than gambling. Also, symbolizing money that will not be flowing out and wasted on gambling. I have also resumed putting a quarter a day in a glass jar. Which, ironically, is shaped like an elephant.
      When I went to see a counselor about my mother’s drinking problem, she talked about addiction being the elephant in the room that no one wanted to talk about. In this case, I am going to literally feed the elephant, the elephant that is not the addiction!
      I am glad that your husband is at least working on his drinking problem. I have to admit I could relate to the starting on Monday thing. I have been going to start doing or not doing something on Monday for the last 40 years!

    • #20877
      p
      Участник

      Hoping you have a good day today and pleased to see your hubby taking a break from the grog.. i was reading on lizbeths thread.. It would be hard to live with and i think you are doing an excellent job.. i hope he finds the strength.. would he consider AA.. maybe not his thing.. thank you for your support too, you are always there helping everyone along.. you have come a long long way in your recovery.. i admire you

      P

    • #20878
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Thank you for your supportive post. I cried also when my Daughter showed up here asking for my help. I am happy to hear that your Husband is trying to fight his addiction also. I don’t have any expectations like I have in the past because it hurts so much when things don’t happen the way you want them to. But I have hope!! I am taking good care of her, feeding her well and giving her vitamins and telling her how much I love her and holding her in my arms. I am praying for her to be strong enough this time and to want to be sober and to follow through this time. All we can to is live one day at a time. Take care Cat!!

    • #20879
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Thanks Cat for your post! I am sad about my Daughter but I am not giving up hope. Here in the states, or where I live, it is costly to go into a good residental treatment center. I have told my Daughter that we would figure it out and that I would help pay for treatment. She was in treatment once when she was a minor (17 years old) and was covered by my insurance. She did outpatient treatment also and was clean for about 6 months. The main problem for her is in cutting all ties to her so called friends, (users). Anyways, I am still hopeful that she will want help again. Well I’m off to take my Grandson to take his school testing. Have a great day Cat and thanks for your support.

    • #20880
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks for your post Liz and we never know what challenges people are facing. I find that I appreciate the support that I receive at GT. I went for my counselling appointment on Friday and I am glad that I went. I am going back next week and I am looking forward to going. I found it interesting when I started talking that what came up was the fact that next month it is two years since my grandson was stillborn. I did not realize how it was on my mind. I have been having lots of thoughts about gambling lately and I am sure that is part of the reason. I was driving home from work today and I started thinking it would be wonderful to go to the casino to have some fun, to relax and just escape from everything. I got my mind away from it, but the longing of being able to go somewhere and spend the day and hide from everything keeps coming. I know that playing those machines is not the answer, but it does not stop me wanting it. It makes me aware that I have to be very careful right now when I am having those thoughts and urges. I know that for me if I went once then it would be the same old story having to fight tooth and nail to stay away, the gambling hangover, losing money, the guilt, the remorse, hating myself. It is one day at a time. I just thank God that I did not act on my thoughts and urges. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    • #20881
      cat438
      Участник

      Thanks for the post Vera. I am thrilled to hear that you have not been gambling. I always remember you in my prayers. Did you really sell your car? If you did and it is helping keep you away from gambling then it is worth it. I am sure that you miss your car and the independence it gave you, although is going to the Casino really independence. It is better to have no car and not gamble!!! I know that I have to be careful right now in regards to playing machines I just feel it and know it. It is not because hubby had a few beers it’s just stress, emotions and wanting to run away from everything right now. I know though that this will pass!!! Gambling would make it worse!!!

      There is an event that I am meant to go to on Friday for work and it is being held in a function room at a Casino. I went last year, but I have decided that I am not going this year. You have to walk through the area will all those machines to get to the meeting room area!!!! I don’t feel strong enough right now so I will have a couple of staff go. I am getting better at delegating LOL I am also getting better at realizing that I am at a point where I have to be careful.
      I went shopping after work last night and boy was that depressing. I tried on some outfits for work, but did not buy a thing. Would you believe that I looked terrible in everyone of them. Why can I not go shopping and buy clothes that make me look 50lb lighter LOL It is a reality check when you go shopping and you need the bigger size and you look in the mirror and you can’t believe what you are seeing. I know that I am the only one that can do something about it. Why could I not be a procrastinator about eating…. funny how that works where we procrastinate about doing things we need to do, but not about the things we don’t need to do, like eating the lovely desserts.
      I am rambling away here, but it is just one of those days where I need to change my attitude. I think I need to go back to bed and get out of the other side LOL
      I need to change my outlook today and remember to count my blessings and think of the many things that I have to be grateful for.
      I will take it one day at a time. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can (losing weight) and the wisdom to know the difference. Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

    • #20882
      cat438
      Участник

      Vera thanks for the post, and I am so delighted that you have a brand new „our“ car. It made me think that you made a big step doing that. I know that I like my own car and my independence and the thought of having and „our“ car again with hubby would be challenging. Although, you are right in that the expense of having two cars does not make sense when you retire. I think I will keep working longer now so I can keep my car LOL I was so ready to retire in the winter time, but now I don’t think I am ready yet. It is a scary thought for me to retire. I think we had such a long freezing cold winter last year that I just wanted to be able to get our of here, but now the sun is shining and I am feeling better the doubts of retiring come back. I keep saying a couple of years, and now it is getting close to saying one year I don’t think I am ready for that now. It is so confusing. I know that I do find my job stressful at times so I may need to retire from that, and then I could do a part-time job at something, then of course I would still need a car LOL. I will take it one day at a time and see how I feel this winter. I am rambling away here as usual, but sometimes it is good to ramble, as it helps to get your thoughts out and what is bothering you.
      Vera I continue to remember you in my prayers. One day at time is all we can do. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!!! I notice that the Serenity Prayer is in my thoughts lots lately. Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

    • #20883
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat, I was thinking of you today and decided to post on your thread. You will know when it is the right time to retire. It is scary, but it is the start of a new life. When I retired early it was because I didn’t want to work for the company I had been with for 28 years. There were so many changes happening and I was just tired of it. With my Husband’s encouragement I retired but I was scared at first. It was the best thing for me as I was able to spend more time with my Grandson and around the home. I know you will love retirement when you choose the right time to do it. I hope you are having a awesome weekend. Take care.

    • #20884
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! Do you think that the fear of retiring is because you will lose your professional identity? Who will you be after you retire? A mother, a wife, a friend, and what else??? Working does provide a certain level of socialization. As negative as this sounds, you may have to give up your dream of your husband becoming a recovering alcoholic, as he is the only one that can stop drinking. I don’t say this to be mean and you know me better than that! I will be in your city as my daughter, 2 little granddaughters and I are flying in on July 3rd and will fly out on 6th, so hopefully we can get together for a bite to eat and a chin wag! Carole

    • #20885
      cat438
      Участник

      I don’t know why, but I have this feeling that if we all got together we could have a fun time, and I don’t mean gambling!!! I think sometimes I fear telling people about my private challenges and it does not help with the gambling, but I am open here and say what is bothering me. I don’t feel the same pretense or superficial way that I am at times in person. I am not sure if I am explaining myself very well.

      I have been on vacation last week, along with hubby or as they call it now staycation when you don’t go anywhere LOL I will be glad to get back to work for a rest as I have been doing physical work, packing and lugging boxes. I am too heavy and out of shape that I really notice that I cant do things like I used to. I don’t think it’s my age that is the problem, it’s being out of shape. When I see people who are 80 and over running marathons and weight lifting I think it shows us that we can do things if we put our mind to it. I need to work on pushing food away from my mouth and not into it!!!
      I feel as if I achieved something this week and that is the first time I have been feeling that way for a while. Also hubby achieved lots as well. The new bathroom is taking shape. The bath is installed with shower and plumbing is all working. I think the bathroom will be finished in two weeks. Our son who lives in town has been here helping one day a week for the last three weekends. Our daughter who has moved back in is helping with the painting, ripping out carpet and whatever else. We got a new bedroom window installed, thank goodness we had someone else do that. The bedroom carpet is now out the walls painted and virtually just about ready for new carpet. Our daughter will be starting with the next room ripping out the carpet soon. I have been going through all our stuff in the basement and getting rid of stuff, shredding old paperwork, packing and organizing things in large plastic containers. It definitely gives me a feeling of accomplishment. Our son, his wife and our grandkids will be here in just under two months so we still have a lot to do. We had completed the laundry room and storage area earlier. And we have decided if we get the bathroom and two bedrooms finished, then we can leave the living room area until after they have been, if we run out of time to complete it.
      It is all carpeted and painted, but we just want to paint and put new carpet in. I am so focused on this it is helping keep the thoughts of gambling away. I have also been seeing a „new counsellor“ again. The last one moved to another province, just as well that I don’t have abandonment issues LOL I really like the new counsellor so I am happy about that. I was having a really tough time as the anniversary of our grandbabies second heavenly birthday is coming up, but going to the counsellor is helping me. I know before that I would have ended up gambling.
      I enjoy being busy and motivated, but sometimes I just cant get going. I am still looking into researching loneliness, retirement etc.
      Carole, I believe that you are right in your comment about my identity and work as it is a huge part of who I am as a person. I have to go and get started doing some more stuff around here before I go to work this afternoon.
      I appreciate so much all your comments and suggestions as it makes me think. Wishing each of you a wonderful gamble free day.

    • #20886
      p
      Участник

      Hi cat i just wanted to say hi and hope that things get a bit easier for you sounds like you are going through some challenges.. youve done so well in your recovery i hope you are proud of yourself.. i too love my food cat and am finding that a challenge.. i am going to really make an effort to make sure that what goes in is healthy and try to stop the snacking quite so much… i know what you mean about seeing older people doing weights and being fit.. we can do it too just small steps to get there.. i get so impatient i want to wake up fit.. it hasnt happened yet hehe.
      Im going to make the effort today just to stop and think before i eat something and try to stop doing it mindlessly which seems for me to be all day.. i can so relate
      patience and baby steps with everything i guess.. bye cat and have a great day today

      P

    • #20887
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! It sounds like there has been a significant amount of work done on your basement. Way to go!!! Also nice that your son and his family will be visiting you. I will call you when I’m in your city and if you’re free, we’ll get together spontaneously. I have my Mother, Aunt, and Brother and his family to get together with. I’m looking forward to seeing you and having a meal with you and a conversation. It’s been since February 10th, and I have not had a status report on the lady yet. Carole

    • #20888
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat how are things with you.. i think you may be busy with your family visiting.. i hope it was a wonderful time for you.
      Strange not seeing you post so often round here. I would love it if maybe one day we could all meet up in the chat room here it would be fun i think if we could get a few of us together.. not sure how to do it but i am sure it could be organised

      P

    • #20889
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Just put my last green dollar sign on my calendar for the month of June!!! Thank you!

    • #20890
      desdemona
      Участник

      (((Cat))) Of course I’m going to find time when I’m in your city to get together with you. I just don’t know when at this moment. I have all 3 of your phone numbers already in my purse. OMGosh! The mosquitoes are so bad here these days that a person can’t even go outside, even in the daytime. We are staying at a hotel close to Polo P… Carole

    • #20891
      Анонимен
      Гост

      Your support on my thread was greatly needed tonight. Tonight, the angel won – but I know that I there are many battles yet to be fought. Pay day is tomorrow, and in this short time that I’ve been working, I’ve managed to go every pay day. Granted, it was with a set amount, but like clockwork, I was there.

      It really helped to write everything out as I came in from work though. Just making a list of the other possibilities drove me forward and I made dinner, went for a long walk with the dog, came back, then ran out again to get burger meals for my eldest son and his friend who are sleeping at the friend’s house tonight.

      Now, it’s 11 and I still have to clean the kitchen, have a shower and then perhaps 15 minutes with my book before lights out.

      It’s a small victory tonight, I’m not looking forward to the battle tomorrow. Why must it be so damn hard?

      And now I’ve selfishly used your space to blabber all about me. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve spent your staycation so productively. Doesn’t it feel awesome to have done so much to beautify your home, instead of wasting all your hours in a dark, artificially lit space?

      I admire so much how you’re still taking care of your recovery every day, never slipping into complacency. In the book I mentioned on P’s thread, the author said acute withdrawals took several months and post-acute withdrawals could take up to two years and more. It sounds like a really sneaky thing, that can derail a person just when they feel they have their footing. So, it seems you’re being very wise to stay focused, keep up with the counselling and never fool yourself into believing that a little „flutter“ will be ok.

      One day at a time, making wise choices each day has really worked for you. Keep up the excellent work – you’re an inspiration.

      RG

    • #20892
      desdemona
      Участник

      (((Cat))) The best thing and the only enjoyable thing about my trip to Winnipeg, other than being with my daughter and granddaughters, was the time I spent with you. Thanks for making the effort to come meet with me. Carole

    • #20893
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat, I am glad that you and Carole were able to spend time together. Her Granddaughter’s are adorable!!! You have come along way with the basement renovation. Good for you!! I hope you are having a awesome day. Take care!

    • #20894
      Анонимен
      Гост

      You made my day today thinking that I’m young!!!! I’m not – I’m just immature, that’s all. I had my babies a bit later that’s why I still have teenaged boys. Anyway, the whole weight loss thing is a big, fat pain, isn’t it?

      I am hell bent and determined to lose at least 30 more pounds. I am one of the „more mature“ ones at work and it’s really hitting me for the first time. Add to that the fact that I now have the zest for getting back to where I should be in my career and it’s even more important that I lose weight. I know if I do, I can look quite youthful and pull off 10 to 15 years younger. But it’s going to take a LOT of work, because it seems that no matter how hard I work, I lose S-L-O-W-L-Y.

      I hope you get to walking soon. I know it’s exhausting after work, but the more you do it, the less exhausted you are at the end of the day. It’s a classic Catch-22.

      How are things coming along on the declutter and renovation. I think you can definitely count that as exercise. (So, you see, you’ve already started without even knowing it 🙂 ) My poor garden is the worse for wear because I haven’t tended to it all summer. Time to start. I figure that’s more exercise I can add to my daily quota.

      I’m happy to say I have no urges. Hubby and kids still away, but I came home and broke out the mower and hit my front lawn.

      I’m going to have an early night tonight because I have to be up super-early tomorrow because I’m lagging a bit on a deadline. Tomorrow will be my catch-up.

      Hope all is well with you.

      RG

    • #20895
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      RG, you beat me to Cat’s thread. Cat thanks for your post. I know I am going on about things like the house. Many people here probably don’t care to hear about things like that. I post what is going on with my life and affecting it. Everything plays a role in our life and how we react to things, good and bad. I agree with you that my Mother has a depression issue, but she chooses not to address it. She also refuses to get any help. I think that when you retire, you will have more energy. You can set your own schedule. You will love it!!! Take care.

    • #20896
      icandothis
      Участник

      Cat, Thanks for your post and all your support. I think you are right about the „empty nest“ thing. But, I am working on creating this next stage of my life, and I am beginning to appreciate the advantages it has to offer. Also, we are planning on visiting my son and daughter-in-law next spring. Nothing definite yet. I haven’t let myself think too much about it because of the cost and also, I am scared of flying. But I think I should. It would be good to have something to look forward to, as Vera has said. I also could use a little brain work. So, maybe I will begin to study some history and important landmarks.
      Have a great weekend. Ours will be busy. We are having friends to the cottage. My daughter texted this morning and said she was coming on Saturday morning. I have to admit, I am a little disappointed, as I was looking forward to just spending time with our friends. Maybe, I am more ok with this empty nest thing than I thought! lol

    • #20897
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat, You have been quiet. I am sure you are busy with work and all! I think I still have empty nest syndrome. It was hard when the girls grew up and left home. Now with my Husband not here, I am getting use to living alone. It has been a big adjustment. I think I am progressing pretty well. Hope you doing alright. Take care.

    • #20898
      kathryn
      Участник

      Hi cat,
      Looks like you have been busy! I just wanted to check in and say I hope you have had a wonderful gamble free day.
      Love K xxx

    • #20899
      Анонимен
      Гост

      Hi Cat: Thanks for your post on my thread. It’s so true that when we have even a short time away from gambling it seems ludicrous that we could be caught up for so long watching spinning reels. For you, it must seem like a whole different universe. How long have you been gamble free now? You have done remarkably well and on a whole new journey of discovery.

      For me, I’ve reached four weeks. I know in those wretched weeks in June, I felt it was impossible to get through a whole week. I’m happy to say the thought comes fleetingly and there are no long drawn out urges, even when I have bad days at work, of which there have been quite a few lately. There is much drama on the project and I have a nightmarish coworker who has made me her personal torture project. Wrong person to choose!!! It’s a long story, but suffice it to say I’ve found my voice and the poor thing has more than she bargained for.

      It’s a long weekend and yesterday was payday and I didn’t even think twice about it. How lovely that I’m enjoying going shopping instead of gambling. I have been very good with my workouts, but the last three days I have been getting home after 8 p.m. and been so exhausted that I couldn’t attempt it. But it’s so on tomorrow!!

      Have you started getting to workouts yet? How is your house coming along? Are you busy with your visitors? Please post a nice long update on your thread.

      Have a gorgeous long weekend. We started off on a rather stormy note tonight and I hope it gets better tomorrow.

      RG

    • #20900
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat
      Im up having coffee just thought i would send you a little hellooooo from across the seas. I dont see you post much anymore to your thread, hope is all ok for you or you are probably just super busy

      P

    • #20901
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat,
      I was thinking of you and just wanted to say Hi! Have a great day!

    • #20902
      cat438
      Участник

      I have not posted as I am dealing with so many things right now. I have not been gambling. I am feeling stressed as there are so many things happening, but all I can do is take it one day at a time. My hubby who has had a drinking problem for years was diagnosed with liver problems and there are other complications. We are working on the house for our son, wife and grandkids coming to visit in 6 days. I have been working full time…. I feel so stressed. I just thought of something. I believe typing all this out has helped me realize, all I can do is take it one thing at a time. I am also having a biopsy on my leg on Tuesday as there is a mark there that keeps changing. Funny that I did not think about that part until the end. God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I am so looking forward to seeing my grandkids, and their smiles will make everything seem so much easier to deal with. Sorry that I have been unable to support anyone lately.

    • #20903
      monique
      Участник

      It looks like you have a lot on your plate right now, so it is you who perhaps needs that support.
      You are so right – you just have to focus on one thing at a time and try to live in the peace of that serenity prayer. Writing about this, as well as reminding yourself by saying the prayer and mentally putting aside worries about things over which you have no control, all help. I hope it helps also to know that people here will be thinking of you and wishing you well.
      I hope you have a great time when the family visits with you and I wish good health to you and your husband.

      Best wishes,

      Monique

    • #20904
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat i am sorry to hear you are going through such stressful times right now.. this too shall pass as the saying says its just for now it is difficult… I hope you are receiving some support at home Cat as it sounds like you are continually helping others, where is the help for you..

      P

    • #20905
      Анонимен
      Гост

      Hi Cat!! I’m hoping that as I write this you will have had a relaxing Sunday and are in a different, more peaceful head space. I’m sorry to hear that things are not going too well for you at the moment. The biopsy thing and waiting for results has to be the ugliest of all things. I’m completely paranoid and it makes me crazy, but I’ve learned to hand over control to God in times like these. Let go and let God. Sounds crazy, but I write letters to God to let out all my fears.

      As far as the house goes, I know some days can feel like it’s all too much and others you’re proud of the progress. You sound like you need to give it a bit of a rest. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Your lovely son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren are coming to see you, not your house … although I know I like things to be pretty. But just remember, you need to take care of you first.

      I had an interesting chat with my hairdresser yesterday. She’s new to me, since my old hairdresser became ill recently. She is close to forty but looks 20 and works around the clock 7 days a week. She has four boys and works so that everyone can have a good life. But she told me that she NEVER skimps on herself. Having her nails done regularly, always having pretty hair, giving herself space and vacations are priorities for her. I admire her so much for saying „I’m my first priority. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t be a good Mom!“ There wasn’t an ounce of guilt in that announcement. It was said matter-of-factly and intelligently. I am going to follow her lead. You should too.

      Love, RG

    • #20906
      icandothis
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Hope you are enjoying your family. My son and DIL were touring and camping in Scotland last week. So, of course, I thought of you. They loved it and thought it was absolutely beautiful. While camping, though, they discovered Midges. To use their words, they were eaten alive!

    • #20907
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! That mark on your leg that keeps changing…….I wonder if you were still gambling if you would of even noticed, and if you had, would you have sought medical care? I think sometimes we forget how immersed in gambling our lives used to be. And forget the emotional pain our gambling brought to our lives prior to recovery. I remember sitting at the casino and my phone ringing several times, and finally I checked it, because it was annoying, only to discover that Danny had been hospitalized for his COPD. I left the casino to go to the hospital, and stayed only a few minutes, just to make sure he wasn’t dying, and flew back to the casino. I resented having to leave the casino. There was another cg that I used to see at my gaming venue. She was diagnosed with cancer and died three days later. How did she not notice she was ill? Maybe she did but ignored it! I hope your mark on your leg turns out to be nothing serious! Your email about your husband made me think, as I only really think of the emotional consequences of having a husband who has an alcohol problem. It made me think that there is a toll to pay physically as well. Sometimes I have blinders on and don’t think about all the consequences of behaviors. I hope that this becomes a wake-up call for your husband, but as we cgs know, we only seek help when the consequences of our behaviors become worse than the pain of quitting. I was talking to my sister last night and she went to rehab for a suicide attempt and alcoholism. She says that she is having a glass of wine or two, after stressful 12 hour shifts in the ER at the hospital she works at. I am not a believer that alcoholics can ever drink alcohol responsibly after they have crossed the line and become alcoholics. I’m sure you will enjoy your family visit! Carole

    • #20908
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat, Enjoy your time with your Grandkids. I am sure that everything will be fine with the mark on your leg. You are taking care of it and not ignoring it. I will be praying that it will be alright. I am sorry that your Husband is having health issues related to his drinking. We all know that the body can only take so much abuse. Maybe this will be his wake up call. It is out of your hands Cat. No matter what we say, we can’t make anyone change, they have to want to. It is hard watching someone you care about destroy themselves. I’ve been there. Being a CG, I firmly believe that sitting in the casino and not eating properly or exercising enough helped propel some of my health issues. Live and learn!! I am happy that you are not gambling as you are under so much stress. Take it one day at a time friend. Take care. PS you don’t need to apologize for not supporting other’s right now. You need the support!! You have always been one of the first to be supportive. Take time for you Cat!!

    • #20909
      p
      Участник

      Hey Cat, all the best with your medical tests.. wishing you well and hoping you have a great gamble free week

      P

    • #20910
      bettie
      Участник

      Hey Ms Cat!
      Hope things have calmed down a bit. I thought my head would explode with everything going on at the end of June/early July.
      Things are better but always changing. I am getting a new boss-don’t know how that will be but it is what it is.
      Take care!
      bettie

    • #20911
      cat438
      Участник

      Thank you friends for your wonderful posts!!!! It has been a whirlwind of activity the last 10 days with our adorable grandkids and their parents staying with us. It is amazing how a grandchild’s smile just lightens your heart and your day. Our home is going to be so quiet as we took them to the airport today and they are on their way home. I miss them already, but I am so blessed to have had them here with us.
      My hubby is looking better and has not been drinking since we had to go to the hospital with him and he was diagnosed with liver problem, and other problems related to his drinking. He is seeing an internal medicine specialist this week so we will know more after that. I am still waiting on results from the biopsy of the mark they removed from my leg. I realize now that I was not being active enough and that contributed to all my weight gain. My goal is to start eating healthier and getting more active. I think we can sometimes make ourselves older than we are!!!! I still have things to do for finishing touches to the basement, but some of it is fun stuff, like putting up pictures, ornaments etc. I still have to go through boxes that are packed in our garage and decide if I am keeping everything or not, and also to organize and find storage in the basement for them. I will take it one day at a time though!!! I have not been thinking of casinos or playing slots lately, but I know that thoughts will come, and that’s okay as long as I don’t act on them. I just wanted to give a quick update to everyone. I have been reading some posts and will get round to posting to you eventually. Have a wonderful gamble free day everyone!!!!

    • #20912
      p
      Участник

      i was glad to see a post from you and so happy for you that you had family there with you.. maybe this will be a wake up call for hubby re the drinking? might be his rock bottom if he finds out there is some damage going on from drinking. Could be a blessing in disguise and i dont mean that to sound awful i just mean it may make him think of what the drink is doing to him.. in saying that look at when i gamble, if i was told i cant do that anymore because its affecting me would i have stopped.. hmm i know the answer to that one so i guess its if that line has been crossed to compulsive.. i hope for his and your sake that he is able to stop.
      I like the healthy plan you are setting for yourself. I think exercise makes us feel better mentally and physically its just hard to start.. i started however i have hit a hiccup so will re start today..
      Lovely to see a post from you.. just hoping my words come across the right way today.. then thought should i even post it but then i thought yes i think you know what i mean..

      P

    • #20913
      desdemona
      Участник

      Dear (((Cat)))! You have had such a busy time with your basement renos, your family visiting, you working fulltime, and everything else life throws at you. Those boxes in the garage could yield money. My daughter and I had a garage sale and we made $964 for my 9 year old granddaughter’s education fund. I am finding that so many people I encounter in my life are attached to things. Without their things, they feel poor! I made up some pink neon poster boards with big black letters and we had so many people come to our sale, even though my daughter lives in a sub division that not a lot of people are familiar with. Do you have any time off coming up? My mother keeps falling almost regularly but she is stubborn and doesn’t always use her walker. Carole

    • #20914
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! I am so happy that you had a good visit with the Grandkids!!! That is awesome that your Husband hasn’t drank since his health problems. Maybe this is the wake up call for him! Please keep us informed on your biopsy results. I know that I have contributed towards my health issues. I know when I go to the gym, I feel so much better both physically and mentally. Just take it a little bit at a time. Walking is one of the best forms of exercising. Your life sounds real busy. Take time for you!!! Take care.

    • #20915
      p
      Участник

      Hey cat i just wanted to pop in and say all the best with those results.. i really miss seeing all your posts.. the forum has gone quieter again but i know you are so busy in your life and that life doesnt involve gambling so that is wonderful.. hopefully see you soon

      P

    • #20916
      cat438
      Участник

      I don’t know why I have such a challenge leaving the Subject line empty, but I feel as if I need to put something in it LOL
      Thanks everyone for you posts and kind words. I have not posted for a while, but I do continue to read and see how everyone is doing.
      I am finding myself starting to take more interest in life again and not just watching TV at the weekend. I am finding that I want to do things around the house to get the finishing touches to the basement, and of course go through the storage boxes of stuff that I am keeping and get them more organized. There are still half a dozen or so to bring in from the garage, but I will get there.
      I got the results from the biopsy of the lump and growth on my leg and it was benign, so I am truly thankful and grateful about that. My leg has still not healed completely, and there is going to be a scar there for a while, but I don’t have slim beauty queen legs anyway LOL
      It is different now with hubby not drinking and I am finding that I need to think differently. We actually go out together for supper once a week or so, and he even suggests it. I know it is baby steps, but one day at a time is how I will do it. It is difficult to know what he is going through as he does not talk about it. I know that he has to do it his own way.
      I am finding the weekend is to short as I don’t seem to be able to get everything done that I want to do in two days. I think it is two fold… one getting older… and two being overweight. I think if I lost the weight I would not feel so old LOL I know that if I lose weight I will have more energy to keep going… like the energizer bunny LOL
      It looks like we are retiring next year, but it will be more at the end of the year for me. Probably about a year from now. I could change my mind though before the time comes. I know that hubby is definitely retiring at end of August or September so we will see. I don’t need to make my mind up today. Yesterday, I drove past one of the Casinos that I used to frequent and it really made me think about gambling. I did think what would it be like to just go in and play machines and forget about everything. I did not think about winning money just about playing the machines and escaping without a care in the world LOL It is amazing how our gambling brain can totally change our normal way of thinking. I thank God that I did not go in, but it made me aware that no matter how long we have not played those machines they have a pull on us. I am finding the house so quiet since our grandkids left. I miss them so much and all their laughter, smiles and hugs. We are probably going to see them in October though for our granddaughter’s 1st birthday. I am rambling away here as usual, but sometimes it is good to just ramble. I am still going for counselling and that is helping me deal with things in general.
      Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free day!!!!

    • #20917
      Анонимен
      Гост

      First, I am thrilled to hear that your leg lump is benign. Phew, what a relief that must be for you. I didn’t want to write on my thread about my ailments, but I’ve been suffering ongoing nausea and I was terrified that I had ovarian cancer because my Mom died of it. Turns out I have gall stones and I’m waiting to book a surgeon. Not looking forward to surgery, but I’ll be happy to feel normal again. It’s been pretty awful.

      Anyway, about you – LOL – see how easy it is to slip into talking about oneself? I’m so proud of you for how well you’re living in the present. Isn’t it true that weight ages us tremendously. I know that once you have that gorgeous house just how you want it, you’ll start on your fitness regime. It’s coming, I can feel it.

      Have you read the book Younger Next Year? I highly recommend it. It’s not just about getting super healthy for the Last Third, it’s about living your life to its limit. I love it. AND it recommends NEVER retiring. That’s my plan – I’m never retiring. They’ll have to carry my wrinkled old torso out of an office somewhere. I love my work, I never want to stop again.

      There we go, back to me again. Glad to hear that you and hubby are having date nights again. I’ve been insisting on them too. Very important.

      OK – now I’m going to try to drag hubby’s butt away from the sofa and to a late night walk with me.

      Talk soon.

      RG

    • #20918
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Cat, I am so happy to hear about your leg. It is awesome that your Hubby isn’t drinking. Now you can have a new life together. It will be great when you both retire and can have good, quality time together. I am glad that all is well with you. Good for not gambling !

    • #20919
      p
      Участник

      I was so pleased to see you posting here again i have really missed you! I am so happy to hear your results were all good and that you are still gamble free and getting on with life..
      What fabulous news also that your hubby is no longer drinking.. that is just fantastic for you and him..

      P

    • #20920
      vera
      Участник

      Thank God that lump was benign, Cat! You were very courageous to have it investigated. I am a coward when it comes to things like that. I’d rather put one leg up on a stool in a casino and play slots to my heart’s content , pretending that leg belonged to someone else!!! How flawed is that!
      Strange how hubby stopped drinking just like that. ….is he getting help? I believe my father did the very same. After years of heartbreak and grief, but before my time…
      I notice you speak in the plural a lot Cat! Preparing for the idyllic „pipe n slippers“ retirement?? Plan it well, Cat. It was different for me. I only worked since 2005, following a 19 year career break.
      Great to see a post from you!

    • #20921
      bettie
      Участник

      Wow Cat looks like you are coming right up on 2 years „clean“. I remember fighting so hard to get 2 weeks, 2 months, etc. I too am over the 2 year mark and frankly we haven’t missed out on a thing!
      We gain alot when we become „quitters“!
      bettie

    • #20922
      p
      Участник

      Omg.. wow. Almost 2 years gamble free are you kidding me? wahooooo.. you are doing so so well.. keep going Cat. I hear loud and clear in your posts its just for today and that you know exactly what happens if you place one dollar in a machine.. i think like me you totally get that it is never just once.. it goes on to so much more than that.. well done Cat.. keep posting!!

      P

    • #20923
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! Thank you for your post on my thread. Please keep praying for my Daughter. Wow, 2 years gamble free!!! Congrads!! Take care!!

    • #20924
      p
      Участник

      Hey Cat
      Thank you for posting to me i was so pleased to see a post from you and congrats again on your time gamble free.. i got through my urges and i know that you know the same thing, once we start we cant stop.. yes.. the binge would go out of control and devastation would follow.. just so glad to see a post from you again.. have a great gamble free day and i hope to see you again soon.. maybe one day you could try the group chat here, would be so wonderful to connect..

      P

    • #20925
      vera
      Участник

      Great to see you posting again, Cat!
      All your prayers are being heard. ODAAT!

    • #20926
      cat438
      Участник

      I have not posted for a while, and I am feeling so agitated right now, so where do I come, somewhere I know that I will not be judged. I have not played the machines and it is coming close to 2 years for me. The last time I played a machine was November 1, 2012, but I know that I am not safe no matter how long it is. I have been struggling with depression a bit, and when I get like that I tend to pull back. I am still working and had a meeting last night that reminded me of how it used to be for me at work. I am trying to figure out if I am the problem and it is a control issue with me, so I am using this as my release valve to try and get my thoughts down. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Change is challenging is my thread name, and yes it is challenging at work as well. I was struggling with the thought of retiring next year, but I believe how the meeting went last night as helped me to realize that I don’t want all the stress and headaches any more. If I want to work then I will go and do something that is less stressful. I am getting to old for all this sh** I know I have to be open to change, but I also have to stand up for what I believe in. It does not mean that I don’t want change, it means that I was side lined last night with someone who had their own agenda. I realize now it was two weeks since this person had information and was going to discuss it with me, but did not bring it up to me individually, but at a meeting in front of everyone. I am thinking that this person definitely had their own agenda as he wanted to have this committee formed to look into something which would have provided him with the opportunity to move forward and get what he wanted. I suppose I put a road block in his plans. It seems funny writing all this and not being able to provide the full details, but sometimes just typing this helps clarify things in your head.
      I need to talk to someone who is involved in our organization and is a level headed person, and who knows me and how emotional and passionate I am about what I do. I am going to call her and see if we can get together. She is not the type of person who will give me the answer I want to hear, but will discuss it with me and help me. I am sorry that I am so vague about all these things, but it is all confidential stuff and working with a Board can be challenging. I think just typing this out has helped me. One day at a time, and again God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
      I am reading posts and will post soon, thanks for letting me try and figure things out here!!!

    • #20927
      micky
      Участник

      Hi Cat it’s good to get things out of your system , Get calling that friend of yours and you feel even better 🙂 Micky

    • #20928
      p
      Участник

      I am so glad to see a post from you again.. i was wondering how you were and was just so happy to read you have not gambled all that time.. wow you have done so well.. i understand the depression. Sounds like you need change but think on it and maybe talk to a counsellor maybe? its good to talk to people who are there professionally to help rather than sometimes emotional advice from those close to us..
      Im just glad you are here posting.. you are missed and i hope you continue to post.. how about popping in to the chat one day for a chat.. it is fun to catch up with others from here

      P

    • #20929
      cat438
      Участник

      I am glad that I came here and posted yesterday as I did learn something, and that is even when I do have those tough emotional challenges that I am better to sit down and write about it and get it out of my system. I am feeling much better today, and I know what I am going to do to deal with it…. Life is a challenge at times, but that is life. Unfortunately, as much as we want the road to be smooth and perfect, that is not life. It is how we handle those bumps, challenges and emotional upsets that matter. My life is different now as my hubby is not drinking, but he is doing it on his own without any help. It makes me wonder if that is what you would call abstaining, rather than being in recovery. I would not have known the difference if I had not started recovery for compulsive gambling or gambling addiction.
      I am still going to see a counsellor every few weeks, and it was interesting as she said that you can be a „dry drunk“. It really made me think and to see how things go. As far as I can tell he is doing okay with it. It has been 3 months since he last had a drink, not unless he is sneaking any, but I don’t think so as he knows health wise he cant drink.
      Life is strange, as with everything that happened the other evening at the meeting at work, it made me decided that I am definitely retiring at the end of next year. I cant handle the stress like I did before. If I need money I will try and get a part-time or casual job, or if I need some social interaction.
      I am slowly noticing a difference in my interest in our home again. I think since we did the basement and it looks good, just finishing touches to do, like the fun stuff pictures on the wall, ornaments to put out and other little things. It makes such a difference.
      I have so much to be grateful for and I think that has to be my focus. I can focus too much on what I don’t have instead of being thankful for what I am blessed with. Wishing everyone a good gamble free day. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!!!!! Let Go Let God.

    • #20930
      p
      Участник

      I hope that things are going well in your world today.. have you started the exercise.. i actually dragged out a little machine and started on it.. only done two days so far but its a start.. still eating way too much but hey. One thing at a time. Hope you are going well, what is happening with the job are you still thinking of leaving..

      P

    • #20931
      p
      Участник

      Hi cat how are you doing these days.. i hope that life is treating you well since you last posted. How is the exercise going.. mine stalled but im making a pact to start again tomorrow..
      Hope to see you soon

      P

    • #20932
      bettie
      Участник

      Hey Ms Cat it has been awhile!
      I understand the work stress! The company I left 18 years ago was sold and they are laying off staff. If I had stayed I might be retiring this year. When I left I had $15k in stock. When I cashed it out due to gambling it was $80k and now it’s just a blank piece of paper.I can’t imagine how much I could have had by now. My guess is over $500k. I could beat myself up but instead I choose to believe that that wasn’t my intended path. Funny how we see the „good“ that could have been but the „bad“ also comes too. Maybe the blessings that I have in my life wouldn’t have happened if I had stayed. I doubt that I would have ever been able to buy my condo because my wages were very small. I could run the „what if’s“ all day. It just wasn’t meant for me.
      I am glad that you are still seeing the consuler. I hope for your husbands sake he seeks his own recovery. I understand the „dry drunk“ issue. Like all addictions we have to face what the issues are that make us „escape“ or at least try to escape because those of us who denigh history are bound to repeat it.
      bettie

    • #20933
      vera
      Участник

      Thanks for posting to my thread, Cat!

      It’s great that your husband is „off the drink“ as they say in Ireland . Going it alone shows he is determined. For his health sake, I hope he stays „on the dry!“
      I hate drink!
      I can tell you first hand, Cat, lest you have any lingering illusions, the „FUN“ is gone from those slot machines! Long gone! You might as well go straight to the loo in the casino and start flushing your money down at high speed. It would take far longer to disappear there, than it does in the „slots!“
      I think the name should be changed from Slot Machines to STRESS MACHINES!
      I hope you make plans for Retirement. Cat. In my case my recent „service“ was short, so it wasn’t like retiring at all.
      My real retirement will be from gambling.
      THIS IS IT FOR ME!
      I’ve had enough!
      I’m retired!
      Would you consider retiring to „home“ ?
      At least you will have time to travel when you finish work. It brings a great freedom but ONLY if wedon’t gamble!

    • #20934
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! I am glad that your Husband hasn’t drank for 3 months. That is awesome and doing it on his own too!!! Life does change when we are gamble free. When I bought my new home I was interested in decorating it and changing things. It is still a work in progress but it is all me!!! You will enjoy retirement. I swear that I am more busy now than I was when I worked. LOL!! I am always finding things to do! I was reading Bettie’s post to you and I also went through my retirement fund, IRA, after I retired. I gambled most of it away! Sad but true! I am lucky that I have my Husband’s and my pensions and was left some life insurance or I would have to get a job. Live and learn! I think that is healthy to focus and be grateful for what you have. I try to do that everyday! Take care Cat!!!

    • #20935
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat it is so nice to see you on here again.. i have missed you. Great news about hubbies drinking that is really fantastic as it used to be such a stress to you and i am sure no good to him..
      Way to go on staying gamble free all this time Cat it is an amazing achievement. I never hear that Taylor Swift song without thinking of you.. it always makes me smile and i think thats Cat…
      Hope to see more of you

      P

    • #20936
      vera
      Участник

      I’m thinking of you especially this Christmas, Cat. I haven’t seen a post for you in a while!
      I know you are thinking of taking retirement in the near future.
      I want you to know that are in my thoughts and prayers as you plan the next phase of your life.
      There is a time for everything! You will KNOW when that time is right!
      God bless you and your’s this Christmas!

    • #20937
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat! Thank you for your post and for checking in on me. I am doing good and looking forward to a new year. It is awesome that your Husband isn’t drinking. You must really be proud of him! I know of the health problems associated with drinking as I experienced them with my Husband. When we get older, it is so much harder to rebound. I will keep him in my prayers. Have a Happy New Year’s and take care friend.

    • #20938
      bettie
      Участник

      Happy New Year Cat!!

    • #20939
      icandothis
      Участник

      I hope everything is going well for you, Cat. I thought of you this morning as I need to get caught up on putting my green dollar signs on my calendar. As I do this, I am going to imagine money flowing in to our lives from other sources other than gambling. I have no idea what those sources might be though. lol A girl can dream!

    • #20940
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      I know that you don’t post much here anymore but I wanted to say hi. I hope all is going well with you. I think of you often and appreciate all of your support. Take care.

    • #20941
      p
      Участник

      Just wanted to say hi and wondering how things are going for you these days.. still think of you when i hear that Taylor Swift song. Hahahah.

      Hope you are doing well these days Cat 🙂

      P

    • #20942
      p
      Участник

      i am just wondering how you are doing.. you are not here so often now and i miss seeing you round the place.. i hope you are ok and still here reading

      P

    • #20943
      p
      Участник

      Hi Cat im just wondering how you are doing and i have that Taylor Swift song drifting through my mind because it comes up every time i think of you hahaha.. thats a good thing..
      Hope you are doing well and miss seeing you round the place

      P

    • #20944
      p
      Участник

      Are you ok? You used to be here so often and always in on the monthly pacts, i hope things are going well for you, i always worry when i dont see people here, i always want everyone to be ok

      P

    • #20945
      p
      Участник

      I just wanted to say hi, im coming after you girls, in hiding, away from GT.. just want to say i miss the days you were here, im thinking of you and no matter how much time passes.. i still think of you and the taylor swift song, whenever i hear it i think of you.. hope you are ok, hope life is going good for you

      P

    • #20946
      p
      Участник

      Ok, thats long enough since we heard from you Miss.. i really hope things are going well for you.. i hope life is gamble free and good for you today.. please post again sometime to update us

      P

    • #20947
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi cat! I needed to bring your thread up to the top so I could respond to your post on my thread. I am sorry to hear that your Husband was in the hospital. I am glad that he is feeling better. We both seem to put ourselves last. I totally agree with you that I am not attending to my spiritual self. I need to go to church. I know it would be beneficial for me. I love that your sweet Grandbaby is your guardian angel. I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you to lose a Grandchild. I feel blessed everyday that my Grandson is in my life. He will be my only Grandchild, but he is enough. Thanks for your concerns and advice. Take care of yourself also.

    • #20948
      vera
      Участник

      Great to see a post from you Cat. Sorry to hear of your „ups and downs“. I pray for you a lot. When you finally decide to retire , things will improve. Work is rewarding but it can bring a lot of stress and pressure. When you enter a new phase of your life you will be surprised at how more relaxed you will feel. Acceptance and gratitude go a long way in keep us focused and balanced. True joy comes from being at peace with our Maker.
      „If you worry why pray; if you pray why worry“!

    • #20949
      female g
      Участник

      Cat, I can’t imagine your pain. I call my grandchildren Angels all the time. I can’t imagine them leaving this earth too early. I will say a prayer for your lose.

    • #20950
      cat438
      Участник

      It is 3 years July 20 since our little guardian angel was taken. He must have been really special to have been taken so young. I know my Mum will have him in her arms looking after him as she loved babies and children. I do wonder what he would have been like. He is gone but not forgotten. I am so blessed that I got to hold him. God works in mysterious ways. We don’t know why these things happen, and we may never know, but there was a reason that Reid was here.
      I am feeling stressed, but I just have to take it one day at a time. I have days that I am so looking forward to retirement and other days there is a panic at the though of it. Change is always challenging and scary, whether it’s good change or bad change. I think one of the things that concerns me is the financial aspect, but if we need money I will go and get a little part-time job.
      I have sent a text to Carole and she is working away and seems to be enjoying it. I do miss her posts, but it is good that she is working and not gambling.
      I worked 6 days straight with only one day off so I was out today weeding, and also grocery shopping.
      I have a busy week ahead of me, but that’s okay I will just do what I can. I think it is interesting as with retiring I am so busy at work and I just can’t imagine what it will be like just finishing and not having work to go to. I have to say that I do enjoy my job, and I also wonder if I have made the right decision retiring, but hubby wanted to retire, so like the dutiful wife I agreed LOL I can’t blame it on him as when I told them in January that I was retiring at the end of this year I was relieved, but now the time is getting closer I start questioning the decision. If hubby’s health is okay we are going to rent a house in the Province that our Grandchildren are and just be Granny and Grandpa for a while!!!
      I have not posted for ages, but it might be a good idea for me to start again as it does help me work through things. I have not played those machines since November, 2, 2012, but yet I do sometimes get the urge/thoughts to go, but I have not acted on them.
      Have a great day everyone!!!

    • #20951
      p
      Участник

      Firstly congratulations onyour gamble free time! Wow that really is amazing and wonderful that you havent gambled in all that time. I am hoping you will enjoy retirement. You could start new hobbies. I am so glad Carole is ok, i miss her posting but she sounds busy working and not gambling now too how fantastic. Cat im so glad you came back posting again.

      P

    • #20952
      cat438
      Участник

      Vera, I was just re-reading your post and the acceptance and gratitude really made me think. We go through life always wishing or dreaming about having a bigger house, a bigger car, more money, fancier clothes or whatever and not being grateful for what we have. Life is not about material things, but somehow we all get caught up in, if only I had this or that I would be happier, and don’t show gratitude or feel gratitude for what we have. I believe more and more it is all about inner peace. Inner peace could mean different things to different people. It can be your Faith, it can be your spiritual self, it can be loving who you are, as you are. We all face our own struggles or demons or whatever we want to call them. In searching for this do we end up at a Casino or gambling wherever because it is filling a void and numbing our inward struggle for peace. I don’t know the answer and I don’t know if some people may think I am „crazy“, but if it makes me think it is a good thing.
      I get so caught up in trying to control things instead of letting go and Let God. I find if I can accept that it is not in my control that it helps with the inner peace. There is no doubt about it.. I am a work in progress.
      I don’t think I take enough time to be grateful for all that I have. I am retiring, but I am having a hard time letting go. I do love my job as I work for a charity and it provides a fulfillment for me. I have worked for next to nothing at times, I have given up financially by staying. I have worked hard to get it to where it is and it is doing well now, and I should be proud of that. However, it is time to let it go and let someone else come in and tend to it. To help it get bigger and help even more kids. It is a few months until I retire, but it’s time for me to think about what I want and start looking forward to that. I have worked most of my life, well except for about 10 years when my kids were young, but even then I was volunteering or organizing something. I don’t know what the future holds, none of us do, but with Faith I know I will be fine. I don’t know if I will end up working part-time, but I do know I need to take time off and see how it all works out.
      I am rambling away, like journaling here, trying to understand.
      I have to get back to „just for today“ way of thinking. Just for today I will have Faith and not gamble. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
      Have a wonderful gamble free day everyone!!!!

    • #20953
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat. I enjoyed reading your post! It’s hard to make changes in our lives. You will enjoy retirement and spending time with your Grandkids. I agree that most of us always want more and don’t appreciate what we have. I wake every morning and I feel gratitude for my health and life, my surroundings. We know that tomorrow we may not be here. I agree that things center around our inner peace. You are a awesome person. Thanks for your support.

    • #20954
      p
      Участник

      I liked that post. Thanks, sometimes reading something helps someone else. You are such a giver, I hope that kindness is returned to you cat.

      P

    • #20955
      vera
      Участник

      I hope you are preparing well for your retirement, Cat. In Ireland they run courses for retirees. I think I told you that before. The nurses who worked with me for their whole career attended but in my case it wasn’t necessary. I had had a 19 year career break. A friend phoned me a couple of nights ago. I met up with her and a few others this time last year and we had lost contact since. She was just coming near retirement when we last spoke and like you, she had mixed feelings. Long story short, she told me she feels a great sense of relief now and like most people say, after they retire, it was only when she didn’t have to work any longer that she realised how much she had been pushing herself in the last few months. I felt the same. My health was going down because when I worked I gave it 100%. Compulsive to the finger tips! lol!
      I look on my retirement as a holiday, Cat. I miss work and three or four staff keep in touch with me. One, on a daily basis would you believe ! She tells me all the nonsense that goes on and sometimes I feel I would love to be caught up in all the drama (it’s like a Carry On film at times) but it’s good to be able to stand back and say „Thank God I don’t have to face this stress anymore“. As we get older we can live on very little Cat. We have a garden with produce that would certainly keep us alive and healthy for years but of course I add the unhealthy foods which put nails in my coffin. One of these days, I will cut out ALL the junk and stick to the natural food. Having grandchildren keeps a person young. My sister is nine years older than me. She has lots of grandchildren She minds kids in her own home (still) for cash and always has some of the grand babies at weekends. Superwoman! Personally, I think she’s daft but it keeps her fit.
      You will be a doting granny to your G children Cat and as you spend more time with them, you will ask yourself why you didn’t retire sooner!

    • #20956
      cat438
      Участник

      It is ten weeks until I finish work, but I have two weeks of vacation in that ten weeks so I have 8 working weeks. I am stressing out trying to do so much before I retire. My hubby is getting annoyed with me as he tells me that I need to let it go. I know that he is right. Today I was driving past the Casino and I so wanted to go in and just escape from all the thoughts in my head. It made me stop and think about who was putting all the thoughts, worry, negative, poor me etc. in my head. I thought why am I doing this to myself. I can only do what I can do. Change is challenging, whether you chose it or not. I know that I am concerned as my identity is so entwined with my work. It’s not healthy, but I suppose that is what has happened over the years. I think it’s my way of coping with other things, for example, my Grandkids are not in the same Province so I don’t see them often. I bury the fact that I am not in their life like I want to be. I like the social part of work, the pay cheque and I work for a charity and what I do is rewarding. I am going to be finding out who I am at age 63. I know that if we need money I can get a little job or something. I have put so much weight on that my focus when I retire is to get healthier, but I could start now. I know all the things I should do, but don’t look after myself. I have so much I want to do in the house and I keep putting everything off until I retire.
      Vera, your words are so wise and I do appreciate them. I am my own worst enemy, but I am a work in progress.
      Thank God I did not go into the Casino as then I would be in a terrible state now. I need to count my blessings and look on the positive. One day at a time. God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I need to have Faith as I know he will take care of me.
      Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

    • #20957
      cat438
      Участник

      I hear this comment so many times and I use it to help me let go of things, and not try to control situations or others. It does say so much, we can’t control what others think of us, we can’t control situations or things that happen. We can control, however, how we react to them and accept that not everything is our responsibility. We are responsible for ourselves and how we react to situations, and so all these things that I have been trying to control, I have to realize that thinking and worrying about them it not going to change anything.
      My mother passed away over 20 years ago, and I think about her often, but she was on my mind yesterday and I just felt sad and I open my Facebook and the first thing that came up was „Jesus Loves Me“ which she sang all the time, even when we were older. I know it may seem strange to some people, but others will understand that she knew I needed a sign, and she is probably trying to direct me back to Church.
      I am rambling on, but I just need to do this for me right now.
      One day at a time.

    • #20958
      vera
      Участник

      Just turned on the laptop and saw your post on my thread. Thanks Cat!
      The 12th is the day money goes from my Current Account to an online Savings Account that I started in June. It is my latest Plan to restore some of my Retirement Fund which I very foolishly depleted in a few foul swoops when I got the brainwave to try Online Gambling in March 2015 . My Account went from a healthy 5 figure sum to zero in about ten days/nights. I nearly had a nervous breakdown and a heart attack all in one go. I would not wish the experience on my worst enemy. I kept checking my account online every hour for about a month to see if I had had a dreadful nightmare. Sadly, it was not a dream. It was reality. It was devastating. Some multi millionaire now has my Retirement Fund that was meant to last me for the rest of my life. The worst part is that my husband thinks my „stash“ is safe. I will never tell him what happened. I can barely cope with it myself. Nobody except GT readers know. That’s why I am so intent on getting a sum of money together as fast as possible. I have two payments made. Twenty eight more to go. I can’t dwell on it or I would die with stress.
      So learn from my stupid mistake, Cat and don’t ever dream of trying online gambling.
      It will take me 30 months to restore my account to where it was in March of this year. I will just keep my head down until that happens . I also have huge debt repayments still. All due to gambling.
      ‘Nuff said for now Cat.
      The moral of the story is, of course, that CGs NEVER WIN!!

    • #20959
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat. I do believe that it was a sign from your Mom. She was reassuring you that everything is going to be alright for you. You are facing a big change in your life, retirement. I am more busy now than when I was working. The best part is that you can decide what fills your day! I am still learning that I have no control over others and situations. I have control only over myself and how I react to others. I am doing a lot better with this but still have some things to learn. In the end, I think our happiness and well being should be number 1 for us. Then everything else will fall into place. Take care Cat.

    • #20960
      p
      Участник

      How’s things going for you today? I hope you are well. Always happy to see an update, I get on here and hound everyone don’t I, lol. Just like to keep the connection.

      P

    • #20961
      vera
      Участник

      Thanks for posting to my thread Cat.
      What to do?
      Tough love or compassion?
      Is there a difference? Sometimes Compassion can be like a surgeon’s knife. Very sharp!
      I remember phoning a friend many years ago to say I was „stuck“ after losing a fortune in a casino. I was 30 miles from home and asked him could he come with 50 euro to rescue me. He said „tough“ and hung up the phone! I did a lot of freewheeling on the hills to spare the juice that night but I can tell you it was a while before I ventured out again.
      Sometimes I say „push me under a bus“ (the rolling pin might be a bit severe!!) and at other times I need TLC. It’s complex.
      What brought me to the casino? A mixture of escape, excitement, risk, habit, thrill, but mainly lack of discipline and greed.
      If I tried as hard NOT to gamble as I do to arrange a G trip, I would never gamble.
      GA says members ONLY need to have a desire to stop gambling. ONLY!!
      Show me a CG who has that desire!
      Most stop because we HAVE to. We are either broke, threatened , fearful of the consequences, under surveillance of a loved one or a job. All good ways to encourage us to stop but my personal belief is I can only stay stopped by God’s Grace. Every time I gamble it is because I resist His grace.
      Over and out!

    • #20962
      female g
      Участник

      as a cg I know that I have often taken advantage of my hubby“s compassion and love for me. It never serves me well, because its too easy to take either the money, the acceptance and run right to the casino. On the other hand though when I have gone way over board and know i have taken full advantage of every angle I need the compassion to just continue with living . Its what I need to start again.
      I resent the tough love approach but it at the same time it has saved my bank account and me I guess. It is complex to be a cg and to trying to figure out what works can change on a dime. Going to stop the ride all together and just quit gambling is what I need to do. FG

    • #20963
      vera
      Участник

      Hi Cat,
      You posted on August 2nd, that it’s „ten weeks until you finish work“.
      ?????????????????????????
      Ten weeks til Christmas, now.
      Tempus fugit!

    • #20964
      cat438
      Участник

      Did I ever think that when I was in the midst of playing those machines at the Casino that I would every have 3 years of not playing them. The answer is no, I could not imagine never playing those machines, they were my escape, my excitement, my fun… Do I wish I could be a normal person when it comes to playing those slots, yes I do, but I accept that I am powerless over them. I know that with the blink of an eye the 3 years could be gone, and it would be back to Day 1. I saw too many Day 1s in my recovery and I am not cured and with those machines I will always be a Compulsive Gambler.
      I still have a fear of putting a dollar in a machine. I know that I could tell myself that I am cured, I could limit myself, I could control what I did, but I know that I would be lying to myself!!! I know all it would take would be once and nothing would have changed. The fear of not being able to stop once I started is what scares me. I had too many Day 1’s and once I started I could not stay away. The addiction was in full action I craved it. I would go back once more to chase my losses LOL I was in a trance sitting in front of a machine.
      Is my life perfect since my last bet on those machines, definitely not. There are the ups and downs of living and accepting that life is not perfect and neither am I. I find working on no trying to control everything or everyone has helped me. Accepting people for who they are.
      It has been a challenging time for me with my husband’s health, but he seems to be doing better now. He has liver problems so he has stopped drinking. It’s 15 months since he had a drink. He still has challenges, but I have to take it one day at a time. We retired a month ago, although he was off sick most of the summer and then again just before he retired. Retirement for both of us is an adjustment. It is time to start doing all the things around the house that I kept saying I will do when I retire. I know this is a time when I have to be vigilant in regards to going to the Casino. I don’t know if I would have retired if my hubby had not been having health problems. I do miss my job, but not all the stress that went with it. We can’t travel right now because of hubby’s health, but we may be able to next year.
      I am rambling on, but hey this has been good for me and maybe it’s something I need to start doing again…
      I continue to follow a number of you through GT as you were such a God send to me and continue to be. I wish I could wave a magic wand and we were all normal gamblers, but alas that is but a dream.
      Wishing everyone a Happy Gamble Free Day!!!!

    • #20965
      Dunc
      Отговорник

      Hey Cat

      What a fantastic read. Please carry on rambling its posts like this that show recovery is totally achievable irrespective of age and situations… if you truly want it.. recovery is there if your prepared to fight for it

      Keep going Cat your an inspiration to many

      H

    • #20966
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Hi Cat. Thanks for your awesome post and support! Congrats on your gamble free time. We know that it is not easy. Sorry to hear about your Husband’s health. Happy retirement to both of you. Being able to spend more time with family, traveling and just being able to do what you want without working is awesome. Enjoy! Take care. I will always remember your kind words and support when my Husband was sick and after his death. You will never know how much that meant to me.

    • #20967
      vera
      Участник

      Welcome back, Cat. Thanks for your post to my thread. The purpose of this site is to offer support to one another. Giving a little „hurdle“ help is often the best we can do. Nobody can change the other person’s past, or our own but we can be here to listen, to empathize and share our good and not so good times. And to have a laugh!I prayed for you especially in church Cat and for your husband’s health problems.
      The best we can do is count our blessings. Be grateful and take it one day at a time.
      I smiled when I read your plans for catching up on things we neglected in the home when we were working. Hope you’re not in for a shock Cat. None of us is 25 any more. The tasks seem heavier now and they take much longer to complete so take it handy as my kind ex boss used to say and he sure did!
      See you in a Live Group soon
      Past my bed time now.
      Meeting an ex work colleague for lunch tomorrow.
      Good to keep up contact.
      God bless you and yours.
      Brilliant that you are G free!

    • #20968
      velvet
      Модератор

      Hi Cat
      Some posts have me grinning from ear to ear and this is one of them – fantastic – well done
      Velvet

    • #20969
      cat438
      Участник

      Thank you and Wow, did you ever make me feel special with your posts. It was interesting for me after I posted I actually felt better about life, it made me realize that over the years I have used this as my journaling tool and how I would come and just start typing and how something that was bothering me just came up. I know that we are all on a never ending journey with our gambling. We learn so much from the posts of others that they don’t even realize it. In transitioning into retirement I took something that Liz posted one time, and it’s not verbatim, but about doing something every day or every day is the same. I have been dealing with dental appointments, eye appointments and other medical things before my hubby’s benefits stop. I have gone out for lunch with different friends two or three times a week. Hubby and I have been out for supper and the big one is him and I shopping together LOL I have also been with him to all his medical appointments and spent the day at the hospital with him last week, but lucky enough everything was fine.
      I ask myself am I enjoying retirement? And for the most part I can say yes. It is a big change for me as I loved my job, and it was a huge part of my life, and not just 9am – 5 pm it was all encompassing, but I can honestly say that I definitely don’t miss the stress.
      I have so many things to do around the house and I will get there. I just need to use that one day at a time attitude with the things I want done. Well I must go and get ready as I am going for lunch with a friend. Have a happy gamble free day everyone!!!!

    • #20970
      lizbeth4
      Участник

      Cat, good to see you posting. You are a special person! It will take you some time to get used to retirement. I am more busy now then when I was working. LOL!! But now for the most part, I choose what I am going to do. I have a list of projects. Enjoy your life! Take care.

    • #20971
      charles
      Модератор

      Great post Cat. if that is you rambling then please – ramble away!!

      What I like about it is that it shows that recovery isn’t easy, life still has it’s ups and downs. What it also shows though is that the effort is worth it.

      Well done, you show how one day at a time can achieve great things.

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