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    • #12603

      It’s been 6 days now since I gambled last.  I already feel better.  I finally have a blocker on both my computers which I managed to get on free trial for 28 days – sufficiently long enough for a bit of ‘cold turkey’ without comitting too much to a laptop that is on its last legs.  So that seems like a happy balance and its working out well – soon as you try to load a gambling page (and I confess I have), it just closes your browser!
      I am having a bit of stress at work which is causing me significant distraction too.  The background, without being boring, is that I have been working in this job now for 1.5 years and I am (without sounding egotistical) known to be an excellent employee, very efficient and hardworking, conscientious – and am very popular with management given that they recognise my abilities and genuine work ethic. I am the kind of guy at work who is always polite, helpful and solving problems instead of creating them.   Despite my VAST own life problems, and my intense clinical depression, OCD, etc,  I somehow manage to make it through the day at work with great success.

      That did all sound a bit arrogant but it is just fact and nobody is going to blow my trumpet for me!  Anyways – basically what has happened is that a management position has opened up, and it is a role that I have done previously for another company for 6 years – like literally the same role. I have a wealth of experience in that, as it was a job I started straight from school and worked my way up in the role until I became management. I left the job because my mental health and eating disorders really went full throttle and I needed some ‘time out’ which is what then led to me being unemployed for a while, and then getting the job I am in now. Anyway.  I was told a while ago that I was being considered for the role opening up in the company as they had 2 people already working for them who they liked, and I was one of them.  I didn’t mention this within my team as we are all on an equal footing and I didn’t want to cause any bad feeling but I told my boss to keep me informed. 
      I just found out that the other guy from another department that they had lined up for it has his job at risk of redudancy so he apparently automatically gets priority over me. And that they are already training him up. But I also heard that his job is actually not at risk and that they are just using that as a way of getting him in the role without having to properly advertise it. Anyway, I have no hard feelings to this guy I just feel generally quite slighted and jaded at how I’ve been treated and that I work so hard here with little recognition.  I have more things to say on this subject but will write more when I have time, it helps me if nothing else, to get it off my chest.   I have some things to say about my co-workers, it will be nice to have an outlet here as I am sure my work issues contribute to my other stress manifestations such as gambling. I feel demotivated and like "why do I bother?" when I could just stand here like a mannequin and get the same money. It has knocked my self esteem a little. 
      At least it is now the weekend and I can relax with Dexter and get some sleep and forget about work. And not gamble.
       – 06/07/2012 09:30:58: post edited by Levi.

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