I’m glad you are feeling calmer today – I hope that lasts. I think we often ‚regress‘ at the moment of ‚challenge‘ or ‚shock‘ and it is easy to be temporarily thrown off course, but the ability to re-think , as you have shown, is of great help in these situations and ‚bad moments‘.
Again, I really identify with those feelings about ‚control‘ and ‚letting go‘ with our grown-up children!
Your job seems to need a lot of your strength right now, so probably you just have to concentrate on feeling able to get on with that and looking after yourself.
I hope the chemotherapy is not too difficult for you.
Best wishes,
Monique