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    • #28224
      seri68
      Účastník
    • #28225
      seri68
      Účastník

      How do I start a journal ?

    • #28226
      p
      Účastník

      You start to write a journal exactly as you have done now.. you just keep on posting on the thread that you start on..

      P

    • #28227
      seri68
      Účastník

      P x

    • #28228
      seri68
      Účastník

      Hi , I’m not sure where to start on how my life has been affected by gambling and have never tried writing down my thoughts to try and help me stop. Or whether I’m writing this in the right place , but maybe its just for me anyway . I’ve gambled today and for the best part of my life everyday which has caused me a catalogue of pain , regrets and destroyed my life. I want to stop to have a normal life and hope one day I can achieve this . Its hard to know what to write so probably leave it at that for tonight but the aim is to take one day at a time and try and put
      into place steps to help me

    • #28229
      p
      Účastník

      Well there you go Seri you have started.. you have started your journal.. its a place you can record your journey and have support at the same time. Well done for coming for help. Gambling addiction is a very sneaky one.. that is the single biggest thing i see in this addiction, how self deceptive it is…. its amazing really the trickery our brain comes up with to allow us to continue to gamble.. you have done the right thing and a wonderful step is put in place already by you by reaching out, seeking help and starting your journal.. the one on one helpline is good when you need to talk too.
      Just get through today Seri.. break it down and get through short periods of time first.. when you get urges, try not to sit there and let them intensify.. if you let someone know straight away you have the urges then get busy and do something else.. you could also find Gamblers anonymous meetings in your area which are a good support too.
      You can ban from gambling places, cut up cards, put blockers on computer, go to counselling, there is lots of help available.. and know this.. you are not alone…

      P

    • #28230
      monique
      Účastník

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team


      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
      privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #28231
      monique
      Účastník

      I have just sent you an ‚official‘ Welcome. You have already had a welcome from someone else who uses this site, who has given you also some wise thoughts and encouragement. I am one of the volunteer counsellors here. I facilitate a Drop-in group at 20.00 hrs (GMT) and a focussed therapy group at 21.00 hrs (GMT) on Wednesdays. There are many other groups (see under Support Groups at the top of the page) and a Helpline as well as this Forum, where you can write your own Journal and receive support and information from others who have struggled with gambling addiction and continue to use the resources here to help them live a life in recovery. You can also find help through reading the Journals of others.
      You are right when you say it is best to take one day at a time – sometimes just one small step at a time. You also say you ‚want to stop‘ – that is the motivation that will help you forward. You are starting out on a journey that most people cannot make on their own – and it is not good to have to do alone. That is why others are here to support you. It is wise and a sign of strength to use support and not to try to struggle alone.
      So I wish you well on this new part of your life.
      Very best wishes,
      Monique

    • #28232
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thank you for your welcome . I don’t know where to start ,whether to write down my life story of gambling that led to prison or to focus on looking to tommorow as a new start and try to forget the past . I’m a positive person but carry everyday regret that I cannot undo and live a life that Im a thief and I’m destined to be on my own.Bit deep for a Saturday night but Its good to write this down and it may help x

    • #28233
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Hi Seri, welcome to he site and well down on taking this important step to recognise and sort out your gambling problem.
      As for the journal- it is your journal . Write what you feel Kiel writing about . One day you might like to write about how you stayed gamble free, another you might like to write about how your addiction began.
      There is no right way to write a journal.. There is no wrong way either

      Write what comes into your head at the time ..

      But we would all love to hear your story when you are ready to share it!

    • #28234
      kpat
      Účastník

      Welcome to the forum!
      I started here in October and the people here have helped so much. Once you start writing, I found it helpful to go back and read my earlier posts. It reminds me of how desperate I was when I first tried to seriously quit. I had tried for nearly two years on shear willpower. (I found that was not working). I finally banned myself and started my journal.
      You can stop. It really is worth it.

    • #28235
      monique
      Účastník

      Hello again. Yes, it’s your journal, as Sad wrote; no wrong way, no right way to do it. Perhaps it is useful to think of what is going on for you today – in the ‚here and now‘; practical things and also your thoughts and feelings; things that seem good, as well as what feels bad. As you think and write about ‚now‘, you will inevitably talk about how you got to be in this place (physically and emotionally), so that will involve discussing the past. If you start thinking about how you would like things to become, you will inevitably consider your potential future. Past, present, future – all part of who you are right now. Make your journal a place to think ‚out loud‘ about all this and see what comes back to you from others. The process itself will lead you.
      The most important thing is that you use this process to help you.

      Monique

    • #28236
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Hi Seri.

      Like you I’ve been to prison because of the thieving I done to feed my gambling addiction, in fact I used to have a season ticket for court I was there that often.

      At first my crimes were what most people would call „petty“ but like the gambling itself, my criminal activities were progressive. I had been to prison 4 times by the time I was 24 and never went back again for 17 years. I stole, robbed, and deceived many people when I was a gambler.

      I found one of the hardest things to come to terms with when seriously trying to quit was the guilt about the things I had done, and the lengths I had gone to just to fulfil my „need“ to gamble. Many times I would go back to gambling to get away from those guilty feelings. Then I would feel more guilt for going back to gamble to escape. I found that counselling did help me come to terms with the guilt in some ways.

      I don’t steal now, I don’t tell lies and above all else I don’t gamble. Do I feel guilty? Well to some extent I think I do, but that guilt dosn’t weigh me down the way that it used to, it dosn’t make me depressed and I dont dwell on it. I (we) can’t change the past I have had to learn how to accept things, I accept I was a lying deceitful criminal, I accept that I was hopelessly addicted to gambling and I accept that that is all in my past.

      It does take a lot of hard work to change the way your mind works, but that is what I’ve had to do. For me it wasn’t just the giving up gambling, I found that far too difficult, but I realised that I had to change my whole way of life by doing that I found the desire to gamble slowly disappear.

      I used to be quite an avid poster on this forum and like many have had my fair share of gambling relapses along the way, I know how difficult it can be. But really it dosn’t have to be too difficult. I think a big flaw that many of us have is ignoring or just dismissing the advice that people give us.

      You most certainly are not alone and you can beat this but in order to do so you really must be committed to life without gambling, it is a huge commitment however if you can get through just one day without it then there’s no reason you cant get through the next.

      As others have said it is your journal and up to you what you write about, on my first thread here I wrote about what had taken me back to prison on an 18 month sentence after 17 years a „free“ man. I found it did help to get that out. In subsequent posts I wrote about the guilt.

      I wish you all the best as you start your journey of recovery and hope that you do take some of the advice you will be offered along the way. Self-excluding and and blocking software if you gamble online, for instance.

      Its a big step posting on here for the first time, but it can be a big step in right direction. Well done on finding GT.

      And All the best!!

      Geordie.

    • #28237
      jansdad
      Účastník

      Hi seri and welcome. There’s no one proven way to quit gambling. You have to search and find out what works for you. The lot here swears by ‚on day at a time‘ and i’m sure it worked for some, but for many it never did. If you try it make sure you find something rewarding in it. ‚cos anyone can go without gambling a day or a two, but what then, you brain will ask you? You tortured yourself for a day or two, fighting your urges and now you still crave more than ever.
      Try and find a way to trick your brain, change perspective on gambling, change your mindset. I think only that will work in the long run. If you have to fight your urges you’re doing something wrong. And most people are not strong enough to fight their urges.
      Read „the easy way to stop gambling“ by Allen Carr. I found that book invaluable. Again, it might not be your piece of cake. You have to search for what will work for you.

      Nice post geordie. I really wish this discussion forum had the option to search for posts by particular user. Almost all discussion forums have that option, along with total number of posts, private messages between users and many, many other options that are a standard nowadays. Any particular reason Monique why this forum’s software is so very limited in functionality?

    • #28238
      monique
      Účastník

      Hi Jansdad. I am a volunteer in the GT team, trained in counselling but not involved with the technical side of things. If you have particular questions about the software, maybe you could ask Harry or Janey.
      All good wishes,

      Monique

    • #28239
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks for all the messages. I know I’m not alone with this problem and have tried different things to try and stop ,including counselling and ga but have always drifted back into gambling . I haven’t gambled today but like you said jansdad its only one day and I’ve had a lot of first days , always dream that I could say a memorable date like today 1st of Feb 2015 was the last time I gambled. But I do think its finding something that would work for me . I only gamble in betting shops and have self excluded myself before for five years but as I’ve said drifted back .Don’t know what’s in my mind that I don’t want to exclude myself from them again , the bottom of my street , but its in my mind to do it again , sorry if this post is just a load of rubbish , just what’s in my mind .

    • #28240
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Seri, you are keeping your options open perhaps ? While you still have an avenue to gamble , there is always a chance that you will get the big win and everything will be all right. You will make gifts to family and friends and life will be sorted

      When you self exude from everywhere Seri and make all your barriers at high as possible , that fantasy is gone .. Now Its down to you !
      You have to a manage your money and build the life you want.
      The big win is no longer there to bail you out.
      It’s sometimes not gambling that’s hard to let go of .. It’s the realisation that the fantasy is gone..
      The big win even if it materialised would be gambled away.
      We have all been on the journey long enough to realise this..

      Let go of the dream, the fantasy Seri .. Give it a year … It will sill be there and see how your life looks in a years time.

      So 1st feb next year ….

    • #28241
      jansdad
      Účastník

      I don’t know that it is the lure of a big win that drives us back to gambling. Most of us gambled away so much over the years than nothing short of a major lottery win would win us back even a portion of what we have lost.
      Seri’s betting sports, how much is he going to win even if he wins big? 10 times on his money? 20 times on his money? It’s nothing in the grand scheme of things.

      I often found that I wanted to gamble just to gamble. Even to lose. I’d rather lose than not gamble at all. As a matter of fact I gambled many, many times when I was so exhausted that I literally had no chance of winning at poker; I gambled to lose. And I couldn’t stop until I lost everything I had available. It was like I wanted to punish myself for something.

      Even a few weeks ago, after I stopped I wanted to gamble. I was tired and I knew I could only get about $200 online, nowhere near to give me a fighting chance of winning back what I had lost previous weeks. But then I said to myself ‚it doesn’t matter that I will lose for sure, I will have some fun that’s certain, and it will be worth the $200‘
      It is a minor miracle that I didn’t give in that time, I was so very close.

      I’m trying to say we gamble for different reasons and we gamble for different reasons at different times. It’s not only the lure of winning big.

      You have to see gambling from a different perspective Seri. Like those optical illusions. Once you see it for what it really is you can no longer be fooled.

    • #28242
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Hi Jansdad .. I gamble because I love to gamble . I love the buZZ. I also harbour a hope that I will get the big win and sort out all my debts . I also like the escape gambling gives me . There are probably several more reasons that we gamble .

      I was referring to Seri saying that he doesn’t know what’s in his mind but he doesn’t want to exclude from them again.
      I said perhaps its the hope of the big win.
      If course it may not be .. I was just suggesting that it might be a possibility.
      I understand that even with sport betting you can do accumulators and things to win big . …it’s just an idea for Seri to explore.. Of course I may be way off the mark …

    • #28243
      jansdad
      Účastník

      You’re right sad. All options are on the table 🙂
      We just don’t know, most of the time, why we gamble while we gamble. Pleasure, fun, escape, hope of big win, adrenaline rush, to punish ourselves, to reward ourselves, combination of these and other things…

      read that book Seri

    • #28244
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      It really dosn’t matter why we gamble, or what we get out of it, you could go crazy trying to put your finger on it. The bottom line is we are addicts it has never ever done any of us any good what so ever.

      The important thing is that we stop.

      As a compulsive gambler, gambling becomes the „norm“ a „normal“ life gradually becomes alien to us. We need to reverse this distorted existence in which we live as compulsive gamblers to kick the addiction in to touch.

      My advice Seri would be not to worry so much as to why you do it, but what you can do to make it easier for yourself to stop. Not self excluding at least from your local bookies is keeping the door to gambling wide open. It has never done you any good..go and exclude tomorrow, take someone with you if you don’t feel strong enough.

      Believe me you will be walking out of that bookies a winner when you come out with that self exclusion.

    • #28245
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Brilliant advice Geordie !!! One sure way to stop gambling … Have barriers so high u just can’t gamble !!

    • #28246
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks for posts . There are a lot of bookies in my city and outskirts , then my job doesn’t help in travelling around the country each day and having a taco break each day. But the barriers are how big you build them to whether you want to get through them ,bit like building a dam .One day at a time

    • #28247
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      I’m also a driver Seri, although I’m always double manned so my breaks work different to yours. But, like you, I travel far and wide but 1 foolproof barrier I use when I’m at work is to carry very little cash and never take my debit card. Of course there are ways around this, but it does make it harder to gamble, and thats what its all about.

      Of course in an ideal world we would just decide to stop and that would be the end of it, unfortunately that is not the nature of the beast we are saddled with, I’m not suggesting it would be practical to exclude from every bookies you go near to, and only mentioned your local one because you did but surely it wouldn’t do any harm to exclude from that one just in case!

      Geordie.

    • #28248
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks Geordie . I’ve just banned myself from the bottom of the street so now at least a pint of milk won’t cost me a £100 quid . Day 2 , and haven’t gambled , don’t have any money today but little steps 🙂

    • #28249
      seri68
      Účastník

      Hi Monique , just wondering if you could tell me how the support groups work , just looking there’s one tonight 19.00 till 20.00 😉

    • #28250
      monique
      Účastník

      Hello again, Seri
      When you log in and have the home page in front of you, click on ‚support groups‘ and this should give you the list of groups available. When it is time for one to start, you will find the word ‚join‘ on it; click on this and you should be taken in to that group, where the facilitator will welcome you and you can ‚talk‘ with him/her and any other people who come in. Some groups have an entry time limit – you must log in during the first 15 mins, some are drop-in groups, which you can join at any time during the hour. Hope you find this works ok for you.

      Best wishes,
      Monique

    • #28251
      p
      Účastník

      You need to be logged in to your account to view the groups that are on too.. i find the easiest way is not the timetable as sometimes the little join sign is not there for me.
      If you click on helpline any groups open are displayed on that page at the bottom and are visible if they are on. Thats just more simple for me so may be for others too.

      P

    • #28252
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Hi Seri . I see I just missed you on chat. In can be hit or miss but well done on giving the groups a go.. You are going to succeed in giving up gambling for good because you are taking so much positive action to make sure you do !!good on ya!!

    • #28253
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks Sad68 , I could have chosen your user name ,would fit me perfectly 😀

    • #28254
      seri68
      Účastník

      Im finding this site rather hard to navigate , to look at users journals like to the people who have advised me in the last couple of days to see where they are in there battles , should there current message not come up first ,not where they where 4 years ago ! The ups and downs. Nobody on chat for the second time ,but I’m good tonight although up mega late for me No gambling for me today although no funds and did have break in betting shop . First obstacle for me is weekend 😀

    • #28255
      monique
      Účastník

      Hi Seri. When you look at someone’s thread, you should see on the right hand side of the page a note of how many ‚new‘ posts there have been. If you click on the ‚2 new‘ or ‚4 new‘ etc, you will get the most recent posts from the person.
      Do keep working at ‚navigating‘ – and maybe have a word with someone on the helpline, when it is open? Good luck with this and your recovery.
      Monique

    • #28256
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks to users tonight and Monique , feeling focused and well , odaat x

    • #28257
      monique
      Účastník

      It was good you could get to group.
      Continue well.

      Monique

    • #28258
      seri68
      Účastník

      My dads gave me £30 tonight which I had agreed with him ,he’s also filled my fridge and got my bait stuff.I want to be able to keep it but also still get out at the weekend , a gamblers trait I suppose . Probably shouldn’t have taken the money off my dad , my money , but just causes problems and anxiety . Ive been great all week and just need to try and relax. I need to find a way of keeping money in my pocket ,easiest answer is don’t have money ,but how can I ever hope to live a normal life if I can’t go anywhere without a penny in my pocket . Just going in the bath then put a pizza in and then at least I won’t be going out gambling tonight. Odaat for me x

    • #28259
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just up , sleep is a great healer for me . Going to have a good day . Reading on posts about odaat , I’m thinking that its maybe about just keeping away from that first bet ,rather than counting days , same idea I suppose but everyone’s brain is wired up differently x

    • #28260
      seri68
      Účastník

      Good weekend so far with no gambling .Have had lots of urges but continued walking ,impossible not to go anywhere near betting shops , they are everywhere.Today I’m going to think about goals to set ,I’ve made a start this month in paying my debt but will be July at that rate. But its never about money for me ,what I have or haven’t got , it all just went . With my dad handling my money things will be tight. But all good and I’m still on this journey , and so thankful that i have a roof over my head, warm bed and food .And most of all a mam and dad that still care about me after the pain through gambling I have put them through . That’s my only goal really ,to thank them .And I can only do that one way , give up gambling for good .x

    • #28261
      seri68
      Účastník

      Started my week well and set fair for the weekend ,as off Friday aswell. This may seem shallow when a lot of people are going out of there minds with debt and lots of other things but this is my journal. The carnage that has resulted due to my gambling in my life has meant for the last 3 years I’ve been on my own .I always hope that if I could stay gambling free I could maybe meet someone again and start again . With my prison record it would be difficult to try and explain to someone without lying to them about my past life . Maybe getting way ahead of myself , need to be gambling free before I can do anything .,But commercial valentines day this week on a weekend that I’m off , so need to fill my time positively and not dwell to much on the past and be thankful for the things I do have x

    • #28262
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just up to start another day ,feeling positive and optimistic

    • #28263
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Thanks for the post on my thread Seri, you pose a difficult question. I have been in many difficult situations where no doubt my chequered past has held me back. Most vividly is losing a great job a couple of years ago because of my criminal record. I think the key for us all is acceptance, it really is quite difficult to accept the things we’ve done in the past, at times, but that is what we have to do.

      Half the trouble is, I think, is that we think we know how the other person will react. However there is only one way to find out. You are not being dishonest by withholding things on a first date or a job interview, but some things are best left unsaid until a more appropriate time.

      People are more likely to be understanding and compassionate once they get to know you.

      The past is in the past and can not be changed, to be guilt ridden serves no purpose at all, (much like worrying serves no purpose). I’ve found over the years it has been much harder for me to accept the things I have done, than it has been for other people. I now accept all things a lot easier and I accept the despicable way I used to live, and the sickeningly depraved lengths I went to to get gambling money are in the past that’s how I used to be. I can accept that and live with that safe in the comfort I’m not like that now. If other people can’t accept that and it severs what appeared to be a good opportunity or relationship then that I’m afraid is their problem.

      Geordie.

    • #28264
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks Geordie for your words of encouragement .On my up days and gambling free days I can tell myself that I was never a bad person just a lad with a problem with gambling and handling money. But again from ga , god grant me the serenity to forget the past and try to make amends the the people I’ve harmed .Thanks again

    • #28265
      seri68
      Účastník

      The weekend is here . I’ve had a positive gambling free week and now off for the weekend . On my mind is filling my time , I’ve thought about trying to join a group but find it hard to let go because of my gambling criminal past . So find myself on my Todd , but one day at a time and will try and fill my time positively this weekend x

    • #28266
      kpat
      Účastník

      Hi Seri
      With each new thing I try and every time I fill my time with positive experiences, I am retraining my mind to find the fun in life. For the longest time, nothing seemed like fun except to gamble. There is some great information about the excitement center of our brains. The studies show how the CG damages that area and everything else understimulates the addicted brain. With time and filling our time with other things, I believe we can begin healing that area. I am beginning to really enjoy things again. A good movie, a nice lunch, a brisk walk, are all starting to feel like fun again.
      I couldn’t hold a decent thought for ten minutes without getting fidgety and short tempered when I was gambling. Staying clear of gambling is allowing me to experience real life again. I am a more attentive friend, wife, and mother lately. I like these benefits a lot!

    • #28267
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks kpat . That’s good advice and what I try to do by getting out and enjoying life . My concentration span has never been good and so fidgety thinking about gambling or where to get the money for the next bet . Thanks x

    • #28268
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just starting to feel the benefit of not gambling , been out all day and progressed a little . So home now at peace with myself , did a little to repair faith with my dear dad so sleep sound tonight to be able to start the week again in a positive way x

    • #28269
      seri68
      Účastník

      Getting off the bus at 8pm last night and walking home , cold Sunday night with rain coming down heavy and not a soul in sight , the only light on is in the betting shop at the bottom of my street .8 pm on a miserable Sunday night , no other shops open but this bookies with all lights blazing , some random foreign football game on the 56 inch plasma television and two staff behind the counter .For only one reason , that someone will come in a do there rent money in the machines !!!!!!!! How can the government not ban these machines !!!!!!!!!

    • #28270
      kpat
      Účastník

      That“s what all gambling establishments look like underneath all the glitz. They patiently wait or else mail you lures to keep a gambler stirred up. They wait for us SUCKERS to give them our hard earned money. They should be more honest in their advertisements. The name over the doors should read, Sucker’s Isle, Loser’s Palace, or maybe Destruction Centre.
      I hope you kept walking. We are worth putting those places in our rearview.

    • #28271
      seri68
      Účastník

      Tough day today and feeling rather stressed , but not going to gamble 😉

    • #28272
      p
      Účastník

      Keep going Seri. The urges are temporary, they will go away. When they come distract yourself. Wait an hour do something else. For me the more I focused on the urge the more it grew. I had to learn to be tricky to the addiction like it is to me…

      P

    • #28273
      seri68
      Účastník

      I’ve had a better day , talked to harry from gt about triggers to gamble , I don’t know what they are ? To think what happens for me to want to gamble ? I don’t feel sad , maybe unsettled and fidgety ,restless. I have no debt and know I could have a great life if I stay away from gambling . Any ideas ?

    • #28274
      seri68
      Účastník

      God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change , courage to change things I can and wisdom to know the difference. This weekend I will have a programme , I may not follow it exactly but I will keep myself busy and focused .

    • #28275
      p
      Účastník

      Hope you are going well. Love that serenity prayer it is useful in lots of areas… Glad you are using the support… Keep going

      P

    • #28276
      seri68
      Účastník

      I’ve had a good weekend with no gambling . I’ve used the resources and ideas that I’ve spoken to people about and feel I’m progressing . I’m taking each as it comes and gratefull for a lot of things . Last night surfing online I discovered two people from my past had died and at work today another lady had passed away due to cancer , she never told anyone and died 4 weeks after discovering she had it . We were not close and she was a lady I just delivered to , but just a stark reminder to me that time is ticking and be glad for what I have . Reading a lot of the journals aswell I can’t help but feel I could do so much better in life , not to be a dick , but my life can be so ,so simple . I have no debt , or commitments so life can be whatever I choose it to be at any time . God grant me the strength to be humble x

    • #28277
      charles
      Moderátor

      Sounds like progress to me Seri 🙂
      well done

    • #28278
      seri68
      Účastník

      I’ve had a positive week with no gambling although I’ve had very little money . This weekend I get paid and my dad has my card so I have no access to any cash and all my bills will get paid .He will also fill my fridge and freezer so that will be so good and peaceful . I will also be able to pay him back some of the money he bailed me out with after my meltdown day last month. So again I’m so thankful that he ,along with my mam , still love me to do all this for me .And that really is my only goal , not to let them down again , by being honest with them and trying to progress in my life x

    • #28279
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      I don’t post as much as I’d like to Seri. Just wanted to say you’re doing champion, it does take time to get there, but you’re definitely going in the right direction.

      Your Mam and Dad will be extremely proud of the new you I reckon.

      Geordie.

    • #28280
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks Geordie, just been in group session and asked about Gordon moody techniques or things they may do ,nobody was really sure what they do . Can you give me something to try ,maybe for anxiety that I’ve been feeling tonight ?

    • #28281
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      I didn’t see your reply til this morning, I’ve been out since 04.30 and just back.

      Anxiety I know is an awful thing, but cant really advise you on anything handy to help with it. I’m sure though its just like a bad withdrawal symptom of the gambling, GM will help you to make a lot of realisations about your whole life and not just the gambling. You’ve gambled a long time and at the moment „not gambling“ is relatively new to you, you’re bound to feel anxious with this big change in lifestyle. However I found that once „not gambling“ started to be the new normal for me things like anxiety and depression slowly disappeared.

      I know one thing though coffee and high dollops of caffeine in things like coke and red bull don’t do you any good if you suffer with anxiety. If you drink lots of tea and coffee through the day try and get de-caf that certainly makes a difference. Horlicks also helps me to unwind, but that could just be because I’m getting old.

      With regards to what goes on at GM, things are different now to how it was when I was there so it wouldn’t be right for me to tell you how it was in my day, but maybe Harry on the live helpline would be able to help you a bit more. Nothing sinister though, I know it helped me leaps and bounds and without any shadow of a doubt if I hadn’t of gone there I’d either be inside, sectioned off, or dead by now.

      Hope you get a place there shortly, take care.

      Geordie.

    • #28282
      seri68
      Účastník

      That’s really spooky Geordie !!!! For a long time I have drank lots of coca cola and I’ve asked a few people including my doctor whether coca cola would have any bearing on my gambling ,anxiety and depression , mmmh !??

    • #28283
      seri68
      Účastník

      And here’s another to make you laugh Geordie , when in prison coming out with my spends in my plastic bag , I had three 1.5 litres of coca cola , and always remember someone in the queue saying he must be a coke addict .lol

    • #28284
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Aye it did.

    • #28285
      seri68
      Účastník

      So I’ve got to a month without gambling today ,I’m not really counting as Im in the premier league of compulsiveness ,is that a word ? . I’ve made good progress in paying my debts and all my bills have been paid on time , mainly because of my father doing it . So I’m in good shape and can always be thankful that I’m still here ,without being dramatic. Another month starts and I’m going to try and focus on some of the ideas that the great people of this site have suggested. Although its too early to run , i need to start and make some sort of goal to achieve . Maybe a relationship is too far , so chocolate will have to do miss p , I m too fragile to try and start a new relationship but the one thing that I’ve really tapped into is having someone to talk to about the ups and downs of my life . Last week my head was battered over problem at work but just talking it through in support groups with Monique and Charles it eased, although problem still there. So to that end , I’m thinking about joining a group , I’m not shy but with the burdon of the past and prison its easier to just stay in the shadows.
      I hope everyone is at peace with there lives this weekend and if not can find the strength to keep going x

    • #28286
      monique
      Účastník

      Well done on the month. As you say, counting days etc is not the most important thing, but good if it gives you a sense of achievement.
      Go easy on yourself, too, about what you take on. It is good to develop healthy interests, activities and relationships, but probably not good to rush into too much. You know yourself and what kind of pace suits you. Maybe think of one thing that might help you to begin to emerge (gradually) from those shadows of prison experience, etc – something relatively simple and accessible that might help give you a positive interest and some joy – then concentrate on making that possible. It is One Day At A Time re not gambling, but this can be a good mind-set for taking up other things, too – slow but sure.
      Best wishes,

      Monique

    • #28287
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling stressed tonight , the problem I had a work has surfaced. The positive person in me can say that I haven’t done anything wrong and they will eventually see that, but the gambling ,worrying , nervous person will worry like hell till its resolved. I just don’t cope with worry .But just got to tell myself to be positive and that I’ve been in far ,far worse situations when I actually have done things wrong .

    • #28288
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      That month seems to have gone so quick mate, well done. And full credit to you for making the changes you have so far, I know how tough it can be.

      Worrying dosn’t really serve any purpose mate, it dosn’t change the outcome. Its easy for people to say „dont worry“ I know, but at the end of the day that is not going to help you.

      Talking to people has got lots of benefits as you know, and I’m pleased that you’ve managed to talk to people.

      A big flaw in my recovery is not having a very active social life, and I know it can be a hard thing to do, so cant help you much in that but I reckon if I’d have joined some groups or out of work activities in the past I wouldn’t have gambled so much in the not so distance past.

      Recovery is a work in progress, really pleased you’re making such a positive and good start on journey of recovery mate.
      Dare I say please dont worry so much about the issue at work and let it knock you out of kilter, what ever will be will be.

      Keep up the good work mate.

    • #28289
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      That month seems to have gone so quick mate, well done. And full credit to you for making the changes you have so far, I know how tough it can be.

      Worrying dosn’t really serve any purpose mate, it dosn’t change the outcome. Its easy for people to say „dont worry“ I know, but at the end of the day that is not going to help you.

      Talking to people has got lots of benefits as you know, and I’m pleased that you’ve managed to talk to people.

      A big flaw in my recovery is not having a very active social life, and I know it can be a hard thing to do, so cant help you much in that but I reckon if I’d have joined some groups or out of work activities in the past I wouldn’t have gambled so much in the not so distance past.

      Recovery is a work in progress, really pleased you’re making such a positive and good start on journey of recovery mate.
      Dare I say please dont worry so much about the issue at work and let it knock you out of kilter, what ever will be will be.

      Keep up the good work mate.

    • #28290
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks a million Geordie . I could have done with someone to talk to tonight , can’t talk this my dear dad as would stress him out and make him ill , and got no friends . But like I said I just need to convince myself that things will pan out OK . One day when I’m gambling free for a long time , days like this I will be able to cope with ,to be able to hold my head up high and be happy and proud of the person I am but until that day comes I will just have to do my best .

    • #28291
      seri68
      Účastník

      Don’t you think its time
      We started
      Doing what we always wanted
      One day were going to get so high

    • #28292
      vera
      Účastník

      You can be proud of yourself today, Seri. No need to wait for some day in the distant future.
      I don’t know what you problem at work is, but Im wondering if you are in a Union? I had work problems last year and found my Union very helpful.
      Why not avail of the Unmoderated chat at night , if you don’t want to stress your dad (very thoughtful of you!) The Samaritans will always lend a listening ear!

    • #28293
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just woke up to start my weekend . I feel I’m doing OK but know that I have to keep focused everyday. I want to have a good weekend to be able to start work on Monday in top shape with Cheltenham . I know Cheltenham is just another race meeting with horses running round a track but the media goes mental about it ,to claw you in , and its everywhere.
      So need to get my plan together for the weekend , not get bogged down and agitated on the things I want to do and be focused.
      Hope everyone has a good weekend gambling free and can find the strength to keep going x

    • #28294
      monique
      Účastník

      Have a good weekend, Seri. Good includes gambling-free! I wish you the strength to stay focussed on what is right for you and a calm frame of mind.
      Monique

    • #28295
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just up and its 3am , feel I’ve got a cold coming on . Still go into work but maybe a long day . Gambling wise I’ve had a smashing weekend and my thought of the weekend was that I was so settled . I wasn’t thinking about getting up to check some random football game from Azerbaijan or to collect winnings and try again .It’s a good feeling . x

    • #28296
      seri68
      Účastník

      Got through today with major urges to gamble . Stayed back at work till racing had finished and came home .Its going to be a long week but Im ready to plan my week to the Max and keep busy .

    • #28297
      kpat
      Účastník

      That is a very positive post. You put a barrier between yourself and the addiction. Way to go Seri!!

    • #28298
      seri68
      Účastník

      The weekend rolls round again and I’m at peace with myself , going to try and really make this weekend a relaxing one .I’m in a good place at the moment and want to try and capture this feeling and build on it .
      I’ve now paid back £1100 of the £1700 I lost 7 weeks ago and I think my dad can see that I’ve made an effort .That’s with him having all control of my funds but its so much easier . He’s even bought a mother’s day present for me , something I usually struggle with a would go out to town and a £30 present usually ended up £300 spent , £270 in the bookies.
      There will be a time where I’m debt free again and and have 100% of my wages again but will have to think about how I can live a normal life without ever carrying money , I’m world class in compulsiveness.
      But that’s down the line . Hope everyone is able to cope with the problems that arise from this terrible addiction this weekend and has a good one x

    • #28299
      charles
      Moderátor

      Hi Seri, when you are debt free maybe don’t go back to that 100% of your wages again.

      Think of it this way: having someone else „control“ our money is actually the opposite – with your dad holding your money haven’t you had more control over it than you ever did when you had access to it to gamble?

      Maybe ask him to keep helping you for a while – it’ll still be your money to spend on what you want, just not gambling.

    • #28300
      seri68
      Účastník

      I have had a great weekend and then m in a good frame of mind . I can’t start getting complacent as know I will always be a CG , but if I can plan everyday and look out for the signs , bit like final destination films , I can progress in my life .
      But for tonight I can just be happy that I’ve still got my health and home .And also that I’ve seen my mam today and thanked her for all she does for me and has put up with .
      So another week starts and hope to carry on .x

    • #28301
      seri68
      Účastník

      I’ve had another good week with few urges to gamble ,in what has been a week full of memories .
      But its my future I can change so I need to keep focused .
      The GT groups this week have been full of anger , I think that’s what gambling does to you , a real desire to become the person you want to be but its never easy .
      I have enjoyed the chat and taken on board a lot of the ideas and wisdom from the facilitators and members but its finding something that works for me .
      The weekend is here again and I have no reason to gamble so will make my plan again and try to keep to it .x

    • #28302
      vera
      Účastník

      Hope your weekend is going well Seri. Your mention of Cheltenham brings back memories. A cousin of mine got a few grand redundancy money in his twenties ( almost 30 years ago) Huge money in those days. He was fond of the gigis Went over to Cheltenham. Didn’t have the fare left for the return ferry. There must be Gambling problems in my family (lol) Also my brother was a Big Fan. Used to tell the story of Jonjo O Neill’s chat with Charmaine Hill after Dawn Run’s big win . He was to „look after“ the stable guys . She agreed to „look after“ the yard lads They were all expecting at least 50 quid each (big money back then) She bought them a cake to celebrate !!!
      Goes to show how wealthy these people are. Money follows money and CGs made them even richer! (I wonder is William Hill any relation of hers?lol!!) Probably all before your time Seri!! Back to the present…Can you find someone to talk things though with in real life before you take responsibility for your own funds? I know Geordie always says here that talking out issues prevents him from gambling. Put a plan in place well in advance, Seri! It’s too easy to get caught when we drift!

    • #28303
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks Vera for your support .
      I’ve had a real positive weekend but that’s what I’m like up and down. Can go into this week in good shape , payday on Friday so have no access but can look to make it easier for my mam and dad . They got me shopping this weekend and the prick I am was thinking what the f#### this ! Healthy food !!! But it can be easy shopping for someone else and should be grateful not critical .
      So many things I can be doing to get straight and progress but I find it hard to get focused . Recently I’ve been thinking of getting some real counselling for things , which are all linked to gambling but part of my life’s issues . As much as my dad helps me ,I know he’s incapable of just talking as would stress and worry him even more than I do now . Having said that my dad could help me implement any changes and plans that I could cone up with .
      Sorry for the ramble , I’ve had a great day today and on an upward curve ,saw my dearest granma today ,96 , 50 years older than me .
      The bottom line is that my life can be whatever is want it to be , I can forget the past but learn from my mistakes .
      Hope everyone tonight is OK , probably not , but can find the strength to cope with whatever life throws at them .xx

    • #28304
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling good today and no reason to gamble . Could never understand my thought of making money through gambling , never worked out as even when I did win ,it would be gone the next day or the one after.
      My dad has paid my bills and took me shopping which I find hard but it keeps me safe . I’m doing OK but feels like I’m just existing .How will I ever live a normal life if I can’t trust myself to ever pay my own bills .
      But that’s how it is at the moment and I will always be a CG or at least a hopefully a recovering CG .
      So its 6.32 now, amazing that even when I’m off work I need to get up , and can plan my day to have a good one and spring into spring and Easter .x

    • #28305
      seri68
      Účastník

      The weekend rolls round again and I’m in good shape ,calm and at peace with myself . Probably should explain “ at peace with myself “ , just when gambling I would a!ways feel so agitated about everything , money , bets , where the next money was coming from or next bet.
      I have good plans for the weekend to keep me busy ,doing things that I enjoy . The holiday weekends are always a difficult time for me that always highlight that I’m on my own because of the total hash I’ve made of my life because of constant gambling. But this weekend but I’ve got a plan and that’s progress for me .
      Happy Easter everyone x

    • #28306
      vera
      Účastník

      I was just about to post to you when your post popped up!
      Great you have a Plan for the weekend. Hope it involves Easter Eggs!!!
      Yes, gambling is like walking on a tight rope. It creates major anxiety!

    • #28307
      seri68
      Účastník

      Ive had a teriffic day doing something I enjoy .
      This for me is my way forward . I cant handle money at this point in my life , whether I ever will be able to ,I don’t know .
      Today I haven’t had any money and haven’t got any now . My dad has got it , which has worked so ,so well . No money is such a good barrier for me .So hopefully in time I can learn ways of handling money by being accountable as without my dads help I know I would struggle .
      But today’s been a real day to remember and the hard work I’ve put in will help me in staying on track and paying my debts .
      Its simple and daft to say but I know exactly what u have to do to keep myself from gambling . Just need to do those things .
      Happy Easter everyone x

    • #28308
      vera
      Účastník

      Brilliant Seri!
      A reward for all your effort!

    • #28309
      vera
      Účastník

      Can you get a colleague to go with you tomorrow Seri? Or even bring your dad. Just say you are taking him for a run with you. Does you work allow you to take a passenger? If you are not alone, you won’t have the chance to gamble.

    • #28310
      vera
      Účastník

      You ll just have to rely on the Man Above, Seri!
      I’m laughing at the thought of you bringing your poor dad to work!! I thought picking up cash was a once off. I guess you do it all the time. Being aware of the danger is half the battle!
      It will be relief to you when you get the task completed!

    • #28311
      p
      Účastník

      Glad to see your posts.. i have missed our group a few times, the times have changed for me and its earlier for me here and i already get up at the crack of dawn.
      Stay strong, and break the day down.. if handling the money is so tempting all the time, maybe there could be some other area of the job you could ask for? not sure just a thought, sure you know what you are doing..

      P

    • #28312
      Liberty
      Účastník

      It was good to talk to you in chat, you survived, you came here, I don’t have the answers but I do know you are back in recovery.
      Thinking of you Seri. x

    • #28313
      Anonymní uživatel
      Host

      Hi ya Seri

      Havnt really kept up to date with your thread, but read tonights post then scrolled up a bit and read the last few days worth.

      You ask rhetorically, “ how can you not win 200 hundred from 6 grand “

      The first thing that popped into my mind was „Why would you want to?

      I thought that because on Sunday you wrote, „Ive had a teriffic day doing something I enjoy …this for me is my way forward . I cant handle money at this point in my life…..Today I haven’t had any money and haven’t got any now . My dad has got it , which has worked so ,so well . No money is such a good barrier for me“

      Mate why do you want £200, you are evidently happier without it.

      I’m not patronising or being condescending mate or talking down to you, I’ve been there many times over I do know how the head of a CG works, I really do I’ve had one on my shoulders for years.

      Of course what you done today was stupid, first and foremost you’e stolen money to gamble, the consequences could have been a lot lot worse, a lengthy prison sentence and an almighty kick in the teeth to your Mam and Dad, not to mention the effect on their health.

      I was a taxi driver for years mate, a ridiculous job for a CG people who cared about me and knew about my gambling told me for years to quit the taxis. Eventually I did, if I were still a taxi driver theres no doubt I’d still be gambling, if I werent in prison or dead mate.

      If its a regular duty of yours to pick up cash mate, I’d seriously consider changing your job.

      I cant remember if you had applied to GMA but if not I think it would be in your best interests to do so. If you have applied I’d give them a ring and see if you can speed it up a bit.

      It’s a hard struggle Seri, no doubt about that, and sacrifices need to be made. But if you’ve got your HGV and CPC it shouldn’t be too difficult to find a new job, I could point you in the direction of a company in Spennymoor and Garforth that are looking for Class 1 and 7.5 drivers if you’re interested.

      Picking up large sums of cash for any CG is a risky business even for those that havn’t gambled for years, I wouldn’t do it. To be honest mate, as you’ve proven today to do it at this stage in your recovery is skating on very thin ice.

      I wish I had of read your thread last night I would of suggested you pulled a „sicky“ today.

      Why we do the things we do as CG’s nobody knows. Thats the way it is for many, its wrong, its obscene and its wicked.

      I really really really empathise with you Seri honest I do, but mate I have no sympathy I’m afraid. That said its no good dwelling on it.

      There is no reason you should ever gamble again. Or go to prison. Or wreck your family. I don’t accept that slips are just part of recovery. You didnt need to that today. But you (or I) dont ever „need“ to gamble.

      I do hope you get it sorted mate, I really really do, but there’s only you that can change you.

      All the best with it.

      Geordie.

    • #28314
      seri68
      Účastník

      I’ve just deleted my last few posts , prob shouldn’t have as journal won’t make sense to anyone reading it .
      Just pure paranoia that someone would read that I know and put two and two together .
      But I can act on the good advice if been given . But as Geordie says its really down to me , and as I know deep down , collecting is just not something I should ever ,ever ,ever be doing .x

    • #28315
      vera
      Účastník

      Seri. I’m reading between the invisible lines…
      What can I say, that Geordie hasn’t said already , except let it be a lesson to all.
      I got a text earlier to say I am to come and pick up a four figure sum that is owed to me.
      I will definitely NOT go alone . In the past I would have been doubling this amount in my mind. Rubbing my hands on the way and conjuring up lies to cover my tracks….
      Gambling is a sick occupation!

    • #28316
      seri68
      Účastník

      So its been an up and down week . I’ve took a bit of a battering in the GT support groups ,not in a bad way ,but feel like I’ve shocked a few with the pure level of my stupidity regarding gambling . It sort of makes me laugh really and that is so wrong ,this total cavalier attitude I have to money .
      But it isn’t a laughing matter at all and tomorrow I’m going to get 3 exclusion forms from 3 different bookies and photos then get them into the places I’m most vulnerable ,like the one 5 doors down to where I collected this week.Should have done it before now as no reason not to ,in my head I maybe didn’t want to .
      But onwards and onwards I go , I didn’t lose anything this week apart from my sanity and have got to accept that I can’t handle money .If I can get through a few more weeks things for me can get better .

    • #28317
      vera
      Účastník

      Most CGs are unshockable Seri and NOBODY would be laughing or think you stupid…

    • #28318
      seri68
      Účastník

      Another week starts and I’m feeling a bit flat .But I know the things I need to be doing and just need to get off my backside and do them .
      Things for me are progressing and I could be in a so much worse position .
      Onwards x

    • #28319
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling vunrerable and stressed tonight but taking strength from Geordie’s journal that one thing is certain that things won’t be any better if I gamble .

    • #28320
      monique
      Účastník

      Yes, that is a good thought to keep hold of. Gambling never helped you before and will not now – remember it can only offer false hope.
      What have you found that can give you real hope? What will set you on a good path forward? Help you feel you are doing something worthwhile with your life? etc etc.
      Use all the support systems you have at your disposal and try to live in the moment.
      I wish you well and hope you will find your way through this bleak time. You have done well – do not let despondency take over. Reach out and I hope you find what you need.

      Best wishes,

      Monique

    • #28321
      Liberty
      Účastník

      How you doing not heard from you for a while, hope you are ok.

    • #28322
      seri68
      Účastník

      The idiot that I am , it maybe would have been a good idea to post that I was going offline for a while when putting my tablet in for repair at John lewis . Mm m but after saying it was going to take 20 days to turn round they couldn’t so they have given me a new shiny one , hooray !!
      And gambling wise I’ve had a good period , works still up and down but overall I’m good . Xxx

    • #28323
      charles
      Moderátor

      Good to see you back posting Seri, maybe see you in a group later.

    • #28324
      seri68
      Účastník

      Well ive had better days than today. My boss has set me up and I just dont have the strength to fight back . But its my fault really , I work for this company because it was a life line at the time but if I hadnt gambled so much in my life I would not be working for such a company.
      I feel a little mellow tonight , defeated , deflated but still a spark inside me . I always think of the old superman movies when he gave up for lois but he found the green crystal that would still burn , guess you would have to have seen that film , lol.
      So I will wait for the decision on my working future . Sometimes I think im so mad as anyone else wouldnt bat an eyelid , I would be not much worse off being on benefits , so why does it upset me so much ?
      If I had money tonight I think I would have gambled , evening racing kicking in for the summer , but I havent got any money so that’s one thing and will try an relax and watch barca tonight.
      I think I will use geordies wise thoughts tonight , life can be tough for us all , but one thing is certain , gambling isnt going to help the situation .

    • #28325
      seri68
      Účastník

      The weekend comes eventually and I have some respite from work . Just need to get some good rest as with bank hol looming the weekend next it will mean I will be busy next week .
      But after my week of hell I havent gambled so feel good tonight . My plans for the weekend are to continue with my crafts , bootsales and flea markets . With my dear dad helping me so much with alot of things in my life it has brought us so close . Its hard to think of any benefits from gambling but this for me is one .
      Wish for anyone tonight struggling with life and not just gambling issues that they can find the strength and guidance to survive and keep going . X

    • #28326
      kpat
      Účastník

      I think you should be proud of yourself! Getting through stressful times without gambling is a great sign that you are heading towards a new way of coping. It’s nice to see positive change in your life. 🙂

    • #28327
      seri68
      Účastník

      Ive had such a peaceful day today , cleaned entire house and cleared away a lot of junk .
      Back to work tomorrow with the problems still there but at least I can go jn clean and tidy looking the best I can ( as per ga ) . Hopefully I can have a quick week as off on friday and long bank holiday weekend . Its also payday so my dad will pay my bills and get some food and stores . And I can also pay my mam and dad back another chunk of my debt to them .
      So all in all just got to keep positive and going and doing the things that i know can keep me safe .

    • #28328
      p
      Účastník

      Well done and so nice to see you moving forward, be proud of yourself for every day you do not gamble, great to see

      P

    • #28329
      seri68
      Účastník

      Its been a tough week for me and im struggling a little . Have no friends and talking to my mam and dad would just worry them . But im still pushing on and have 3 days off to relax abit a regroup myself .
      Things all round are ok , not great just ok so I just need to hold onto the positive things and keep going and think how good things can be if I stay away from gambling . Geordies words always resonate with me , things maybe shit bit one thing is certain they wont be any better if I gamble , win or lose . X

    • #28330
      vera
      Účastník

      You are doing GREAT Seri!
      Keep it up!

    • #28331
      seri68
      Účastník

      God on high , hear my prayer ,
      in my need , you have always been there,
      he is young, hes afraid ,
      let him rest , heaven blessed,
      bring him home, bring him home , bring him home .x

      Ive had a great weekend and going along ok . Feeling spiritual tonight that I can get to a place I want to be if I can continue to stay away from gambling .
      Made some goals last night in my diary to try and achieve . Some small , some big . Think of charles and that he thought he would always be single , so one goal would be to meet a special lady to share my life with . Supose thats a big ask but god loves a trier .
      Going to bedfordshire now as have meeting in morning but heh worse case is never probably going to be in worse times that ive already been through. Onwards . X

    • #28332
      seri68
      Účastník

      Survived today by not fighting for what is right .
      But I need my job to continue to pay my way .
      I have gambled since I was 8 or 9 , 2p doubles with my dearest grandad . 37 years later im working for such a dire company and that is the price ive paid for all of those years .
      But thats not to say that my future cant be good and if I can continue to work hard and build my confidence , I should be able to move on in my life . X

    • #28333
      monique
      Účastník

      Sorry you’ve had such a tough time at work. I wonder if you can find a way that is ok for you to assert your rights (or your innocence etc)? I know it is not at all simple and you need to earn a living, pay your bills. Try to stay strong and use all the help that is available to encourage you.
      All the best,

      Monique

    • #28334
      vera
      Účastník

      Sometimes we do have to turn the other cheek, Seri.
      And sometimes we don’t!!
      Saving your job at the expense of your dignity may not be the best thing in the long run.
      Can you get further help?

    • #28335
      seri68
      Účastník

      An example , I asked for a day off , hols start april and they are acrued , he said had I acrued enough days ?
      My mate is off tomorrow and has now had 12 days of his annual hols , eh ! !

    • #28336
      seri68
      Účastník

      Ive had a gamble free weekend which has made it a good one.
      Today ive been busy doing something I enjoy and although its only 8 pm now im away to bed totally bushed to try and get myself together for another week at work .
      Thank you to all the members who have supported me in my struggles at work .
      So I go into this week in good shape mentally which is good as my support as in my dad and mam are going on holiday on Thursday but they can set me up to continue getting along .x

    • #28337
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling majorly positive tonight , making plans and tidying up loose ends of junk , bills , unworn clothes ( how many painting t shirts do you need to keep lol ) .
      Its June 2nd and nearly half the year gone again and my half term report would say could do better , so my plan is by blackberry week im in a better place .
      Onwards x

    • #28338
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling settled tonight after a positive day .
      My support in the shape of my dad is away on holiday so felt a liitle more pressure with the money he left me , so I spent the lot on bits and pieces so now I have something to show for it . Enjoy so much buying then doing them up or reseaching them ,one of today’s buys is a wood basket made from new zealand swamp kauri , interesting .
      Then in my return home today found a set of old ladders , very in with todays shabby chic . Then 4 doors up from my house an old set of draws that someone wanted rid of . Not worth much and weighed about a ton , but so lights me up as I love old wooden things .
      So my thought tonight is I havent gambled , have maybe doubled my money when I put a bit work into a few things and have a lovely set of draws .
      My have to keep at it every day to keep myself safe from gambling but today’s been good so roll in tomorrow .x

    • #28339
      seri68
      Účastník

      Sat in bookies today on my dinner . I had no money at all so wasnt going to gamble although another day when I do have money it may have been different .
      One lad playing on the machine with his two mates egging him on . He kept stuffing twenty pound notes in , winning a little but gradually losing . His two mates went outside but he continued on , still putting twenties in . He then hit a payout of 496 pound , but still kept on going . Twenty minutes later he had lost that and went to his wallet again .
      He had a hi vis jacket on and I was thinking he would be from the nearby building works , I was thinking maybe hes rich and can afford to gamble his weeks wages ? Prob not .
      I left and on my way home thought that ive done that so many times and how could I be so stupid ? Looks so crazy as it seems that nobody will ever win . I counted the tv screens , 26 that was without the machines , all blazing .
      Then a bloke floating about asking continually would you like a cup of tea or coffee ? Talk about madness ! Pure madness . They should serve verve cliquot champagne with truffles !
      I shouldnt have been there today and its a habit I need to quit and do something else on my break.
      But at least im ok today and haven’t gambled and just need to keep at it . X

    • #28340
      vera
      Účastník

      I think it did you good to look on and see the insanity of it all, Seri!
      Think of how hard that guy worked for the money he threw away and how easy it is for the fatcats who empty those machines and laugh all the way to the bank!
      Gambling is a mug’s game!

    • #28341
      Liberty
      Účastník

      It was good to read that you saw the madness of that place, nice weather, nice bench for lunch instead maybe?
      Am not sure it does our mental states any good going to the very place that has caused so much damage in our lives, as you did say if I had money it may have been very different, if I was on a diet I would not spend my day in a cake shop just saying …..
      It’s good to read about your positivity and the plans for all your new found goodies, hope your parents had a good holiday.
      Stay safe Seri x

    • #28342
      jennaraye88
      Účastník

      It was interesting to see that I’m not the only one that has revisited the ‚scene of the crime‘. I’m an online slot mug, so i have found myself going onto websites and playing in ‚demo mode‘ in the past when I have been gamble-free for a little while (like you say, could’ve been different if I actually had any money). But be careful doing this… I have ‚won‘ big amounts playing on demo before and it has made me think ‚what if that was real money, I could’ve used it for this or that‘. Truth is, even if it was real, I know it would’ve ended up back in the virtual machine anyway!

      As long as you can see that it really is a mugs game and you have no urges to try yourself, then perhaps it’s not doing any harm. But that may change some day. Keep alert seri, this addiction is a sneaky bugger!

    • #28343
      seri68
      Účastník

      Have a liitle patience . Missed charles patience topic group tonight as ive been out .
      But thought about it and the things that it means to me , paying back my mam and dad the debt I owe to them , its not a great deal but just need to have patience to go steady then do better in the future .
      But im ok tonight and with heavy rain due tommorrow think 8 will just chill out a bit and take it easy .
      Just have a little patience . X

    • #28344
      seri68
      Účastník

      Captains log stardate 9.45.14.06.2015.
      Feeling a bit flat tonight , it was good that I had barriers in place today or would have gambled. Two parts of the earth , wind and fire triangle were there but not the three.
      So another week starts on my contiunuing voyage of my quest to a better time . Payday comes round again this friday and another chunk of debt paid with it , feel like im just existing .
      But things could be worse and just need to keep going .
      The needs of the many , outway the needs of the few or the one.
      Live long and prosper . X

    • #28345
      vera
      Účastník

      Sometimes its good not to carry a box of matches Seri.
      Nice when things light up but we know where all that leads for a CG?
      Gloomy mood here too.
      The urge to be FREE is probably my greatest urge.

    • #28346
      seri68
      Účastník

      Major shift in my world.
      My dear dad has just been up to see me with abit tea.
      All is good and I told him what pay I was expecting (it fluctuates each month with overtime ) and also what my bills that he pays for me are (again goes up and down ) .
      So that would maybe leave me so much after ive paid him back another chunk of the debt I owe to him and my mam .
      But he then said this month dont pay anything back to me and just budget your month so you have enough stores and food but to last the month with what you have . Then pay him back in later months .
      This has come as a little surprise as ive thought about this before and talked to charles about it , of not paying as much as I could back and living very tight , charles suggested this , but to take smaller steps of paying the debt . This is something I talked to my dad about but he said at the time to just keep going the way ive been going .
      So ……… what does this mean to me ?
      By the way ,im sorry if this journal sounds mad but ive always thought its just for me anyway.
      So I have my full wage which after bills will leave me with an increase in disposable income of 4 times what ive been spending for the last 6 gamble free months .
      But does this different approach change anything ?
      Apart from I really should get my dad a really good fathers day present .I just dont know x

    • #28347
      p
      Účastník

      Thank goodness you have those barriers in place. if you can do them then use them,. what a wonderful thing that they stopped you gambling that day.. good you are sorting your money out to for your pay and making a plan ahead of time.. with no plan its dangerous with money coming in.. well done on your progress..

      P

    • #28348
      Liberty
      Účastník

      I am sure it would feel good for you to be able to buy your Dad a good present for Father’s day, but I am sure he will not be expecting that, time with you is priceless to your folks.

      Four times what you have been used to having these past six months, will that scare you? Does Dad still have control over it for you? As you do not want to put yourself in a position of suddenly having ‚spare‘ funds that could lead to temptation, or maybe there is something you would like to get for you? treat yourself to something good whether it be an activity or a material reward, after all you do deserve it, you have worked so hard in every way.

      Doing great Seri, nothing sounds mad here not at all, only mad thing is gambling.
      Hope you are feeling good today Seri.

    • #28349
      seri68
      Účastník

      At peace tonight and have made a good start to the month. All my bills are paid and up to date thanks to my dad and my fridge is full .
      Top tip , if you ever come to my house for tea , always come the day after pay day , when fridge is full of nice things , leave it to the end of the month and not so tasty.
      I hit ms just at the right time and was stalking the whoops lady to good affect .
      The one thing that feels better tonight with not paying back my dad this time is that I dont feel as pressured at work in the coming week . Im not going to quit but its certainly taken a load off .
      The other big event of this weekend was that I passed a kidney stone .
      Must tell this joke now ive said that . Doctor to patient ..do you have trouble passing water ? Patient .. well I did have a dizzy spell once coming over the tyne bridge .
      The funny thing about the kidney stone was that without going into details , someone , something , definitely watches over me .
      And im so grateful for that .
      Happy fathers day to my dad and Im blessed to have him x

    • #28350
      seri68
      Účastník

      Lifes getting a little easier. Ive had a gamble free weekend and thats the key to my better life .
      I still carry around each day so much pain and regret and have low moments each day .Mainly of how on earth could l have done all those things that were all driven by my need to gamble . The brief counselling that I had 8 years ago said when these thoughts come , not to follow them through and
      immediately consciously try to think if something else.
      But Im in good shape tonight and start another week , wrote in my diary this week a guage of my life , had it at 54 . I supose thats pretty good as my life is over half full . Based that on work , love life , finances , family relationships , friends .
      And if you knew me that would be a surprise as i have so little in my life really due to gambling . But thats a goal to have if this year I can get my guage up to ……. 60 ? My hopes , my dreams , ambition , to find someone to love , to put right the wrongs in my life .
      Alot to ask , but one day at a time x

    • #28351
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just up and its the weekend . Its been absolutely glorious sunshine everyday this week and I get to the weekend when im off ………… and its chucking it down .
      But I feel good today and dark , dank days I can chillout a little and stay on track with my plans . Have plenty of nice food and have bought a few quirky items to restore . Im also on track to be able to pay back some money of my debt which will be significant progress as it will mean it will be the first month in I dont know how many , that ive managed my money the way non gamblers maybe do and have something left . This weekend is done and only have next weekend to negotiate to roll round to payday again . X

    • #28352
      seri68
      Účastník

      Ive had a good day without any gambling. My thought tonight was stemmed from one of my favourite programmes . On salvage hunters he said that you have to put yourself in the line of luck , make your own luck . Ive done that today in a way without any gambling and its been good .
      I think my conclusion is that I dont need to gamble but all of my past life and disasters through gambling that I still need to keep having a go in life and not hide in the shadows.
      Its only one day but I need to build on this feeling and one day get so high . X

    • #28353
      seri68
      Účastník

      That was me kicked out of support group tonight and couldnt get back in . Happy birthday slot j xxx

    • #28354
      monique
      Účastník

      I’m so sorry you could not get into the group when you wanted to come back. As far as I know, it will be because that group has a 15 minute entry time, so you cannot enter after 21.15 hrs and, if you log out after that time, you cannot get back in either.
      I thought you were just leaving to get on with cooking your meal.
      I hope the time you had was useful. And maybe we will ‚see‘ you again, soon.
      Monique

    • #28355
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks monique , it was no problem , my hit to send text is very close to sign off tab so I do it alot . X

    • #28356
      seri68
      Účastník

      Been really busy over the last few days and even now as I go to bed im thinking I need to get up an hour early to do a few things . And all of this helps my non gambling quest as keeping busy is so important to me . Had one wobble early tonight , had been out doing things and needed to sit down and have a drink . With joe c right across the road I nearly succumbed but managed to keep walking.
      Its payday this weekend again and my achievement this month of being able to still give my dad some of the money he bailed me out with when he said dont bother this month is one I havent done in alot of years . That is manage my finances myself like normal people must .
      So onwards again , im enjoying the sun and scratting about for junk and just need to keep doing the things I know will keep me safe .
      This year started really badly but hopefully the last 6 months of this year can be great . X

    • #28357
      p
      Účastník

      I like how you say the year started badly BUT…. thats hopeful, yes the last six can be great. you can make them great by not gambling just for this day each day.. just today dont gamble and things will fall into place eventually.. good on you

      P

    • #28358
      seri68
      Účastník

      Any thoughts anyone on new bbc programme ?

    • #28359
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling so good tonight . Reading adams journal and his never ending quest against coors im very similar as havent got alot to say at the mo . Which in its self is a bit scary as I seem to be waiting for it all to go @@@ @ up .
      But ive had a fantastic day today and have some nice photos that I need to get hard copies of . These are my days to remember . That was number one when I was born oct 1968 , what was number one in the charts ?
      Just need to keep it all going . X

    • #28360
      seri68
      Účastník

      Lifes getting better and thats down to not gambling .
      The suns shining today and im going out for the day .
      In my darkest days of gambling I would spend every penny on gambling but it was never about the money . But money does make my life easier when I can handle it .
      So just need to keep it all going and make some firmer plans x

    • #28361
      p
      Účastník

      Well done on not gambling I love hearing of the improvements in your life, what a difference

      P

    • #28362
      seri68
      Účastník

      Haven’t posted for a while as been so busy .
      But that’s so good and I’m gamble free for a good period.
      Got a super plan for this weekend for no gambling to keep busy.
      1. Go to my mams for breakfast ( always get fed and its lush )
      2. Go to tabletop sale at church next to my mams .
      3. Go to pub with my dad and watch my team beat man u , ok maybe not .
      4. Go home via shopping and £10 meal deal .
      5. Friend coming for tea and dvd tonite.
      6. Up early and shabby chic 3 sets of ladders with duck egg blue paint .
      7. Go to carboot sale for more junk for my bh sale next week.
      8. Come home and rest up for tough week ahead as im manic busy the week before bank hol .
      Now thats a plan .
      And in the words of a song off bridget jones
      “ keeping busy everyday , I know I will be ok “

    • #28363
      Simon15
      Účastník

      Seri, I joined here recently and just read some of your posts. Your weekend sounds fantastic! Even if I had a billion pounds I couldn’t think of a better plan. Enjoy!

    • #28364
      seri68
      Účastník

      Bank holiday weekend 2015 .
      When I look back in time august bank holiday always seemed to be the day in my life that was a total disaster , ending in pain , regret and pain .
      So this weekend I made a good effort for it not to be and it hasn’t been . Stuck to my plans and now the weekends over its a good feeling .
      My efforts to keep busy with my junk recycling came to fruition and now by 14th ? Sept friday . I will be debt free to my dear mam and dad .
      Then another time in my life will begin . Ive had a liitle extra cash recently but have continued to pay back my dad , but as of next week im there ..
      I cannot remember a time I ever didnt owe somewhere. It doesnt change much as im not going to change much with my finances but it just seems easier in my mind .
      So again I move on again into my favourite season of the year as the nights will be darker and I will go out in the dark to work and come home in the dark but it will be good to always have my bills paid and to not worry about paying heating bills . X

    • #28365
      Liberty
      Účastník

      Wow, how great a post was that to read, all the effort and hard work you have been doing in your recovery has really now come into fruition.
      If the debts to Dad are paid, do you have plans for the extra money, what you are going to do with it?
      Yes, bills paid and not sitting there shivering as no money for heating, not any more Seri
      You have come a long way Seri, please have plans in place for the extra income when debts are paid to protect yourself. x

    • #28366
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just been reading some of my past journal entries and wanted to be in a better state by blackberry week ( not that I know when that is ) , sometime soon . And I am in a good position at the moment .
      So thats where I want to stay and keep going and go into the winter months not worrying about putting the heating on and also to be able to blow a couple of strategic shifts at work . I have never ever stayed off work when I wasnt sick in my 30 years of working , and 30 years of gambling , as always wanted the funds to continue gambling . I may not end up taking time off but its a great feeling to know that I can.
      Its a lovely day up here today and im going out for the day looking for salvage projects .
      Just need to hold onto this feeling and keep it going .
      If I stay away from gambling my life can get better and better . X

    • #28367
      lizbeth4
      Účastník

      You are doing great in your recovery. Keep doing what you are doing. Your life will get better without gambling.

    • #28368
      seri68
      Účastník

      Hit the jackpot today , nothing to do with gambling .
      Bloke was clearing out his garage into a skip just as I went past. Lots of old junk to repair , polish , clean and dust down .
      Life can be good if I take one day at a time x

    • #28369
      seri68
      Účastník

      Well feeling a little overwhelmed tonight.
      My life of gambling on this rollercoaster hit a high today . Ive done my hobby today which now means that I’ve for the first time in as long as I can remember that I actually have some savings .
      That sound’s pretty crap in a way but to me its massive .
      Onwards x odaat x

    • #28370
      vera
      Účastník

      I was thinking of you earlier, Seri. My son had a girlfriend here who’s mam is into restoring, re cycling and selling her wares. Her had does the heavy work i.e the uplifting and restoration of pieces of furniture. Her dream always was to have a shop. She has achieved that goal now after years of hard work They are in their late 50s. I was thinking „Seri could achieve that“.
      Go for it Seri. It’s your passion. Gambling is a waste of time.

    • #28371
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks V x life can get better each day without gambling.
      Have a trip away at the weekend and such a good feeling that I have funds to be able to do it x
      Onwards odaat x

    • #28372
      seri68
      Účastník

      hello its been a while since I’ve posted .
      But that’s probably testament that things are moving on .
      I’ve went a few months now without gambling and I’m now beginning to see the benefits .
      There isn’t a magic cure for me as I’ve gambled for 30 years and I’ve had so many periods of abstinence . I dont think I will never gamble again but I just feel that I’ve really hit a point where im sick of struggling , the stress of it all.
      So thats what keeping me straight at the moment as the feeling I have that my xmas is sorted and bang on track and hoping the new year can kick on .
      I’ve never posted on many people’s jourmals as if I cant help myself I dont think I could help anyone else but I hope that everyone can find the strength to keep going and survive .
      just for today I will not gamble .x

    • #28373
      maverick.
      Účastník

      Seri, It is so good to hear you are gamble free and doing so well, keep doing what seems to be working for you and in fairness don’t worry about others for now, you are doing great and if you can continue to stay gamble free you already know how your life changes so very much for the better.

      Take care and wish you well, always remember you must do whatever works for you, thanks for sharing and all the very best.

      Maverick

    • #28374
      monique
      Účastník

      It’s good to read your positive message. You help others simply by sharing both your struggles and your achievements. This encourages and inspires others.
      But it is also just good that you feel better in yourself.

      Monique

    • #28375
      seri68
      Účastník

      I’ve had a great day and everything is on course.
      Only blip today was major urge to gamble and I had the 3 things .Gambling doesn’t ever change but everything came off for me today so why get this urge to gamble to celebrate or destroy all my work.
      Got out the door today but turned back round , maybe someone was helping me again as weather was shocking.
      But I survived and can go again as tomorrow’s another day . x

    • #28376
      charles
      Moderátor

      Hi Seri, well done on not gambling.

      I would argue that having a major urge to gamble and not acting on it is far from a blip, it’s a success.
      You can learn from today though, if you had decided to gamble how would you ahve funded it? How can you reduce that access?

      Keep posting and again well done on not gambling.

    • #28377
      seri68
      Účastník

      my thought today . looking towards xmas and what I need to get and do its clear that without gambling I have more money than I have ever had at this time of the year.
      I was always waiting for that big win just never came or lasted .
      Im not bragging to anyone that is struggling at this time and my funds im pretty certain would not raise an eyebrow of anyone but in my world im ok.Mind you still have to be up at 530 am for work and its cold .
      Onwards x

    • #28378
      lizbeth4
      Účastník

      Hi Seri68. It feels good to not gamble and to have that money as the holidays approach. Keep going!!!

    • #28379
      seri68
      Účastník

      5am .popped up an hour early to start the day well . Watch abit on catch up tv , breakfast and get wrapped up well.
      Payday tomorrow and no pressure or stress at all but I still need a plan to keep myself from gambling.
      So onwards I go and after starting this year badly this year can end well x

    • #28380
      seri68
      Účastník

      daft thought today .
      needed a pair of safety boots for work . I went and bought a pair ,would never do that when gambling as wanted to have boots but also keep money for gambling.
      bounced about at work today as my feet were dry and warm and not sore which made the day easier.
      small steps but so worth it .x

    • #28381
      seri68
      Účastník

      Sunday night and a long week ahead of me . But I’m in good shape in all departments , health , wealth and mentally. With Christmas fast approaching I have no concerns which is massive for me .
      I need to get a xmas card for my mam and dad (im not a fan of cards as I think there such a waste , gamblers trait I supose ) but in it in going to write a quick note of thanks to them as I dont know where I would be tonight without everything they have done for me . I cannot undo what I have done this year and the past but if I can stay away from gambling each day then things will get better and better .

    • #28382
      seri68
      Účastník

      Sunday night rolls round again. Just watching version of the sound of music .
      Xmas fast approaching and I’m looking forward to finishing work on xmas eve. I’m all sorted for the holidays so I should have no problems.
      Felt abit lost today .As im thinking of the year ending although I’ve have ended well I cannot say its been a good year.
      My problems are not all gambling related but gambling just mixes the pot .
      I’ve googled how to start your life again , at 47 have I got the energy , the will , the strength.
      My shit job , no friends or partner ,my mam and dad constantly worried about me . My lack of ambition .
      But onwards and I can work on each part of my life .
      But as geordie said earlier this year , one things certain gambling will never help . x

    • #28383
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just read back my last post . Not good really after reading a few other posts.
      I have a job , warm safe home , a great family and so much more .
      One poor lad has 17p .
      and there’s me b*****ing on .
      Hope anyone struggling tonight can find the strength to cope .x

    • #28384
      vera
      Účastník

      Being grateful for what we DO have, helps a lot , Seri.
      Let’s count our blessings!
      It’s much easier to see what we don’t have or what we wish we had.
      Every parent worries about their „children“, big or small.
      I wish I was 47 again but age is only a number.
      You have done so well your parents must be VERY proud of you.
      (Yes, there is always some one worse off. My daughter sent me photos of a friend’s very sick babies She does charity work in S E Asia. Made me feel sick when I thought of the money I gambled.)
      Put your life in God’s Hands Seri.
      He is very capable of looking after all our needs.
      Who needs gambling?

    • #28385
      riverdaleboy
      Účastník

      I am new to this and this is my first post apart from a poem I posted earlier. I have been reading through some of your posts and I am hopeful I can do as well as you have over the months. I have been a serious gambler for over 40 years and really need to change my life. So I will keep an eye on your progress. Well done for everything you have achieved so far.

    • #28386
      seri68
      Účastník

      And so it is xmas and what have we done , another year over , a new one just begun.
      One day at work to go then off for a few days . Really looking forward to the rest above all else . It seems that I’ve been heading towards this point for a while and in some ways I just want to be back home on boxing day with leftover meat and veg and just to chill out .
      Earlier this year I felt my guage of my life was 58 but I have maybe climbed to 61 or 62 which means I still have so much work to do in all areas of my life .
      Thanks to charles ,monique and all the regular support group members . Merry xmas everyone xx

    • #28387
      charles
      Moderátor

      Hi Seri, I hope you had a great Christmas.

    • #28388
      seri68
      Účastník

      New year . Feel good tonight and a sense that I can move forward in my life.
      When I said last week in groups that I wanted to start to kick on I was swiftly knocked down by several quoting the ga guide of one day at a time . If anyone reads my posts I do that alot as im only ever one step from where I was. But I also need to start trying to live a little . It took me all year to pay back what i lost in 45 minutes on jan 7th 2015 but in my misguided head, boy what I could do with that money this year if I continue onwards .I’m going to continue on with my dad having my cards but to try and do all the things I need to do . I’m going to have a think and make a list to post of things I want to achieve this year .
      Who knows what 2016 will bring for me but if I can keep away from gambling im sure it will most certainly be a better year x

    • #28389
      p
      Účastník

      Well done on your gamble free time.. all the best for a great 2016. Hope to see you in the groups again soon, recovery is different for everyone, whatever works, so long as it works

      P

    • #28390
      charles
      Moderátor

      Hi Seri,

      I’m with you on this one. Recovery means that we can plan things, can look forward to stuff. Yes, we can and should not gamble one day at a time but that means we can plan life like anyone else.

      I know GA literature can vary in different countries but in the UK version it has a list under the heading of Definition of a Mature Person. Included on that list is…

      „Plan things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the moment.“

      You are doing well and by continuing to do the things you are doing, by continuing to focus on your recovery, you can make those plans and I look forward to both hearing what they are and then seeing you achieve them.

    • #28391
      seri68
      Účastník

      My journey to torpenhow in 2016 part one.

    • #28392
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling a little flat at present in all areas of my life .
      Read geordies latest post and it resonates so much to me in that will I ever change for good .
      But … if I think of this day last year after jan 7th , I’m in a so much better place .And that’s maybe a better way for me to look at it . Not just the old boring ga of one day at a time but just counting my blessings for each positive thing that happens in every day .

    • #28393
      p
      Účastník

      I also had the same thoughts as Geordie and i think those of us who have fallen a lot seem to think that too at some point. I am seeing it as a good thing now though, i think its just seeing in reality how it was and how it can be if we keep going back. Whatever happens we are getting back up.. i think thats the point and it takes someone with strength to keep rebuilding.
      EVeryoes journey is different i realise and also some people come in to recovery at differing stages, some may have come in at rockbottom some may not till they find rock bottom.
      I think its individual as to where we are at in recovery. Some people have stolen others haven’t, some have been in prison others haven’t, some have lost houses, cars, relationships, others haven’t.. i think its all to that point of being absolutely flattened, when we give up the fight. Sometimes being honest and realistic is good i don’t think its ever a bad thing to look at things in reality. You are doing really well Seri, i look forward to seeing you again in groups, don’t give up.. everything is temporary and its good to work through thoughts and feelings if they are negative or positive

      P

    • #28394
      seri68
      Účastník

      Its been a slow start to the year but everythings ok , not great just ok .
      Ive been trying to come up with a list of goals to aim for this year as I’ve always thought It was one of the aspects of my gambling that never helped .Month after month just trundling along hoping for a win that did come but just gave it all back the next day
      For me keeping busy is key .
      So after googling it lol , my first step is what do I want to achieve .so …………..
      1.most important to me is to show everyone who knows me or I meet that im not a bad person just someone who had a gambling problem.
      2.to have a steady , productive and content 2nd half of my life.
      3.eat healthier.
      4.be financially secure , not rich . But just enough if I had an emergency.
      4. Have a social life.

      Ok . Just rambling but its a start , next is to break down those 4 and to take small steps to achieve them .
      TORPENOW .
      Is a village in the lake district in the uk and its name translates I to top top top .
      Thats my goal. X

    • #28395
      kathryn
      Účastník

      Hiya Seri,
      A start is all you need!!!! That little list could end up being one of the best starts you ever made!!!!
      So a couple of years ago I started a book….. It was a book of things I wanted to achieve…. I cut out magazine pictures, words and the like and started sticking them in the book. My goals for that year were to get fit, learn to cook, go on a holiday to Fiji and read more. Apart from the cooking I did everything on my list!!!! I spent hours on it! In fact, you have got me motivated to try again. I did put a map of the world on my wall and stick some pins into where I’m going to go one day! The power of positive thinking is amazing, surround yourself with your goals and see what happens!!!!! I’ve got positive sayings all iver my house, on mirrors, on walls….. Sure, they don’t work all the time, but what have you got to lose?
      Looking forward to hearing how you are going with it all!
      Love K xxx

    • #28396
      p
      Účastník

      Hey that is wonderful i love that you are writing a list.. Im a list person too.. somehow i find when i write something down it tends to happen more so than if i don’t.
      You are doing well Seri, I’ve missed seeing you in group so often, but hopefully will see you again soon. Its always good to see you there. Im always there, i think i just cherish these groups, cherishing my recovery. These groups are a wonderful little motivator and its so nice for us to all connect over the world. Keep going and staying strong Seri, even if you write a list for each day of little things you need to do, ticking even a few is an accomplishment. Just for today Seri, see you soon

      P

    • #28397
      seri68
      Účastník

      Tomorrow I’m going to have a great day .
      I wont be in a hurry , I will look out over the sea and be grateful for what I have .I wont look as best as I can but I will feel the best that I can .
      Just for tomorrow I wont gamble .x

    • #28398
      p
      Účastník

      Good on you Seri you are doing really really well.. see you again soon in group

      P

    • #28399
      Jrb
      Účastník

      without being detailed, there are many people fighting the same/similar issues. where are you from?

    • #28400
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling anxious tonight. Reading some of the other journals and there’s so much pain that gambling causes .
      I’m ok tonight but feel impending doom that I cant shake. I’ve been trying to tell myself that I’m ok and whats the worst that could happen . I live such a simple life in the sense that I have no commitments or anything .
      Sometimes I feel like I could just go walkabout or run across america like forest gump to reileve my anxiety .
      But I can never figure out why as really I have no problems . X

    • #28401
      monique
      Účastník

      Hi Seri. I think these feelings are sometimes just part of being human in a complex world. They are not comfortable, but they do not necessarily last and they do not need to take over your emotions or life in general. For some, gambling brought some excitement/thrill/risk etc – a buzz that seemed to make things brighter and more interesting and kept anxiety and gloom at bay; then came all the downsides, of course. So, when you are living a more safe and stable lifestyle, maybe the very quietness of it all leaves more room for the feelings of doom to play on your mind? You wonder about going ‚walkabout‘ or ‚running across America‘ – what are those thoughts telling you about what you might need just now? Do you need to find some new hobby, physical challenge or something like that? – something that would be good for you physically and emotionally. Also, when you have been through experiences that created pain and anxiety, those feelings have become familiar to you and can creep back up on you. But you are now in a different place.
      Just my thoughts on reading your post. Wonder what you think?

      Monique

    • #28402
      seri68
      Účastník

      Payday 2009 to 2015.
      1. Paid at 12am . (I worked nights at the time )
      2. Bought nice lunch .
      3.Put £30 in work bandit . ( sometimes won , mostly lost )
      4. Finish at 8am .
      5. Buy paper and scratch cards .
      6. 10.am Go to betting shop . ( its only £20 )
      7. Lost . Won.
      8 Lost ( another £20 ) (another £ 20 )(another £20 )etc
      9. Go home to bed agitated , stressed , no bills paid .
      7. Won .
      8.Go home to bed , smug but still agitated . Bills partially paid ?
      10. Up again 1.pm lost try to win back morning losses .
      11. Lost all wages that I worked 20 night shifts for
      10.Up again at 1.pm . Try and win again .
      12. Just one entry for 12 both ways . Lost everything . Maybe would have got some shopping or paid bills if won .
      So many years .
      My dear dad pays my bills now and goes shopping with me .
      I don’t feel good about this , I’m 47 .
      But this month and every month for a while now my fridge is rammed . My bills are paid , in fact I’m in front with them all.
      And I also have a little left over to do a few hobbies and start ti enjoy life a bit more .
      Its not ideal but its keeping me from gambling and thats a start . X

    • #28403
      vera
      Účastník

      There is a lot to be said for a full fridge and paid bills, Seri.
      We all need a bit of „hurdle“ help from time to time.
      It won’t be for ever. In ten years time you will look back on this period of your life with gratitude.
      For now, just accept things are they are. I know CGs are impatient. We want to press „fast forward“ to better times.
      Thank God your dad was there for you or you could be writing a very different type of post.
      Nothing in this life is perfect. Hang in there!

    • #28404
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thursday night and not far off bedfordshire. Just been asked to leave new members support group because I was wearing trainers lol .
      Just joking . I can maybe see some benefits of a new members group if someone wanted to ease into therapy but not sure if it will be used allthough good that its available and plenty of other groups available. I couldnt find feedback to why gt feels this is a good policy . Considering in my view there only seens to be 50 ? Tops members that regularly use the groups I use .
      Still onwards all ok with me .

    • #28405
      seri68
      Účastník

      Keeping my barriers high so progressing with each day . By staying clear of gambling my life is moving on . Feel better in myself so need to stay focused .
      Started this year with a good feeling that this would be a good year and although its started slow I have good hopes that it can be .x

    • #28406
      seri68
      Účastník

      8th of march.
      My dear dads 75th birthday.
      I’ve had my ups and downs in my relationship with him but in the last few years hes become my best friend .
      So through total adversity , pain , regret , remorse there has been something good that has come from this life that I have lived .
      I had a good weekend aswell going out with my mam and dad for mothers day , cost me alot for lunch . But I actually had the money which in my world is progress . X

    • #28407
      vera
      Účastník

      Seri, your parents are blessed to have such a wonderful son.
      You must be the best thing that ever happened in their lives.
      Take a bow!

    • #28408
      seri68
      Účastník

      I wish that was true v. But its not .
      But things are progressing and getting better so maybe oneday.

    • #28409
      seri68
      Účastník

      My journey to torpenhow is ongoing but by this time I should be maybe 1/4 of the way there .
      But I’m not . Feel as though I’m still at base camp . Ok maybe not .
      I’ve always thought my life was a journey but I’m thankful that I’m still on the road .
      So hopefully now the light nights are here things will pick up pace. X

    • #28410
      monique
      Účastník

      It is good that you are still on the road and that it is the right road to be on, also. I can sense frustration, too, which is understandable, as you seek a life that is more fulfilling and purposeful, perhaps. But, as Vera said, this is not for ever, even though it seems as if it might be, when things go so slowly and it’s hard to see how they will change. But you have done a lot of important ground work, that has given you patience, perseverance, the ability to resist temptation etc.. You can pay your bills and buy the things you need. You are safe. You are using your creativity when you get the opportunity. I think something you don’t yet know about will become possible one of these days and you will know it’s right.
      Best wishes,

      Monique

    • #28411
      seri68
      Účastník

      Feeling positive tonight . Had my dinner in betting shop today . My colleague knows I’m trying to stay gambling free but my work place is full of gamblers. I didnt have a penny and felt so strong today so had no urges to gamble
      I didnt have to follow him but dont want to alert him to the fact I have such a problem with gambling .
      But the best bit was that there was a ‚machine tournament ‚ on with a ‚ free chance to win something ‚ .
      In my darkest day’s its what hooks you in and I’ve no doubt the people who think up this bookmakers strategy just love it .
      The saddest part was that the bookies had it set up as though it was an event with little bowls full of mini Mars bars .
      All just to hook you in . Those mars bars cost someone today £100 each if not more .
      One day they will ban these machines but not for a while as its all just politics and money . An arguement that I’m too old to fight for .
      About 6 people came in to the shop whilst I was in , not one of them put an actual bet on and 4 of them played the machines.
      I shouldnt have been in there today but feel inspired . I supose its easy when I feel like this as other days I wont .
      But I came out with a handfull of Mars bars and as I drove up the A1 it gave me a boost going into the weekend . I just need to keep it going x

    • #28412
      seri68
      Účastník

      Significant point of progress .
      Phoned in sick today !!!!!!!
      In 30 years of work and gambling have never ever done it . Never been sick much anyway but would never just blow a shift in hail or snow .
      So today I’m off just to relax , catch up with everything . X

    • #28413
      seri68
      Účastník

      Hello back again in 2017 .
      Been gambling on and off but made good progress in off times .Seeking solace tonight as im stressed to bits .
      My dearest dad who has been through so much with me has been looking after my money for a long time now .
      I did so well last year doing my hobbies financially and progressed so well
      The problem tonight is that my account is short and it is diwn to my dad who has always gambled .
      I supose I hear you say who put a compulsive gambler in charge if there finances Yeah !,
      Its not the money , I dont need a thing ,
      Its the thought of my dad in pain to be anxious and tense .
      Hes got gallstone removal op at the end of this month so prob not a good time to stress him .
      Theres enough to cover up and he will put it back as we are not talking thousands.
      But the one way I can help him is to be strong myself . X

    • #28414
      vera
      Účastník

      Welcome back Seri. You were on my mind all week but I just didn’t get time to search out your thread.
      I knew your dad was looking after you money but if he has a gambling problem, perhaps the pressure was too much for him.
      Next time, try your mum!

    • #28415
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks V hope your well.
      Its always been one of those unspoked subjects in my family as if I estimated my dad would have gambled absolute thousands.
      So to bring the subject of my finances when at 48 I really should be doing them myself would never be a good conversation .
      I just need to do well myself x

    • #28416
      Jonny123987
      Účastník

      Hey Seri,

      I know the feeling. 41 here and have my mom looking over my money. Gambling is a horrible disease. You definitely need to take your money and let someone else watch it for you. Sounds like way to much pressure for your dad. Try to find a tactful way to do it though as to not stress him out about a few hundred. At the end of the day a few hundred probably doesn’t change much anyhow. Gambling sux!

    • #28417
      seri68
      Účastník

      Just updating my journal.
      Dads op yesterday and everything steady ,
      Not great just steady but I’m thankful for what I have.
      Years started slowly but if I continue to work hard I can progress.
      My thoughts are with anyone struggling tonight x

    • #28418
      monique
      Účastník

      Good to hear from you, Seri. Hope all continues well for your Dad and that you can find the right way forward regarding keeping your finances safe from now on.

      Best wishes,
      Monique

    • #28419
      vera
      Účastník

      Good to read an update from you, Seri.
      Wishing your dad a full and speedy recovery. One day at a time.

    • #28420
      seri68
      Účastník

      Aug 2017
      Doing ok . Good days and bad .
      Lost my dearest grandma in march so cant say its been a good year . She never condemned me for all the things ive done and her hand written letter’s that she sent to me in prison I will keep till my last .
      Onwards in search of peace x

    • #28421
      vera
      Účastník

      Condolences on the loss of your grandma, Seri.
      I often wondered what became of you.
      Glad to see your post.

    • #28422
      seri68
      Účastník

      Thanks v.

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