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#77839
lauren2021
Deltager

G Rec
Thanks for your reply. I’ve joined the beginner support group and attended many Monday and Thursday meetings (with Charles). We’ve chatted and brainstormed and talked about my triggers. Yes, you’re right on the money- Accountability is extremely important.

I totally get what you’re saying about accountability, I don’t have anyone right now who can take care of my finances. Long story but people in my family have trouble handling money (credit card debt) and I would be scared to hand over my account to a family member. They would spend my money in a heartbeat. Not that I’m any better at this moment of my life. What turned out to be some innocent fun gambling online has turned into a complete nightmare.

I need to figure the finance part as I move through this journey. I’m not in my manic compulsive state right now. I placed a bet a few days ago not knowing the bet was today. Thankfully, it lost because I didn’t want to start the vicious cycle again of winning and chasing my loses.

Last night I was very excited to start my new saving plan. Now at 1AM I’m thinking how can I save money? The only way to save money as a compulsive gambler is NOT TO GAMBLE. I will never win because I can’t stop. I have saved huge amounts of money years ago stashing away money into savings. Actually I was quite obsessive and would not spend any money. I would save then splurge on vacations for my family. For the first time, I’m excited to save money again. Throwing money into a savings account and watching the number go up (not down). I’m in the raw stage of this gambling free and my mind can easily play tricks… telling me I can gamble and win, but we all know this is not TRUE.

The longest break without making a bet within the last two years was 14 days. I’ve made a few 5 day accomplishments as well. Thanks to Charles.

Today I went to the gym and did not look at tonight’s NBA lines. Time to close my online gaming account (just don’t open another one). Same old story, I sound like a broken record. Will keep journaling.