Gambling Therapy logo
#47925
jen3
Deltager

Nice to meet you Faye! I hope you find the help you need. I will pray for you. To the rest of you I totally screwed up!!!! Here we go again tomorrow being day one…. I am so flipping stupid.. seriously it’s so easy choose to be missrable or choose to be happy. Why do I let this flipping addiction control me. Why do I let Satan win over and over and over again. Here goes……. I said scratch offs were not my trouble. I can buy a few. What harm can that do??? I bought some won, lost, won, lost more. I was out about 70.00 (which is nothing to a nut case like me) . So than o thought i will stop this crap. The odds are horrible”. I decide to go to the bar and win it back and than quit.. went to bar….. won 275.00 on a machine, managed to get off. Put 2.00 in a pull tab machine won 500.00. Done, done, done ….. so I thought. All I did is feed the monster… it will never die until I stop feeding it (even crumbs keep it alive) Stoped at another bar won a few more hundred than being the compulsive idiot I am I lost 400 back. I managed to go home while still ahead But of course woke up the next day only to go try and win half of my 400.00 back…. you know once we win we think it’s our money now. Well I did but than I proceeded to loose that and than more. I went back today to collect my money and swore I would only play 100.00 and take my losses… long story short I lost again. I managed to leave with money but still that damm 70.00 cost me 1300.00 when all was said and done. Instead of having my money and 800-900 hundred extra, I some how lost 1300.00. Imagine that. Uggggh! I have no idea what to do anymore…. I know all the guidelines…. I should have no access to money but I have no idea how not too. Ugggggh! Ugggh! Ugggh!! I am ok financially but 1300.00 on top of 4800.00 (last relapse) on top of the time before and the time before and the time before. When will it click???? I does right after the relapse but as soon as the adding and subtracting and the what if’s and the what nots pass I am right back into the same hell hole!!! Help!!!! I can not take this anymore!! One last thing…. not only did I lose money…I lost time and a little more time a little more sanity and I by the way I look like hell. Urgggh! Why why why??? How come some can manage to stay g free and others like myself are chronic relapserss???? I hate this part of my life. I just hate it!! I know I am not alone BUT i just want to be like the ones who manage to live gamble free!