[coklatpuddin]

9/6/17
I have been gambling online for the past 2-3 years. Won some, loss plenty. Yet, i keep on depleting my saving account just to keep on gambling hoping that i can win big. Deep down i know it is impossible, but the urge is too strong.
I have becomes somebody that i hate, i lies, i stole from my family, i am the eldest and accomplish nothing this few years due to time spent with online gambling. Instead of giving my parents money, i had to borrow/steal from them.
So on this date, i emailed the gambling site ‘d*****t.com to close my account, and guess what, they replied by offering me more bonuses just to give it one more try.
I accepted the bonus but due to work commitment, i didn’t gamble.

15/6/17
Reached home from work. Decided to gamble online using the bonuses issued. I won, felt good. Play with disciplined and kept reminding self to have self control.

16/6/17
With the money i won, i paid some of my debt. Thinking, maybe this is my luck and going to keep on playing till i can pay all of my debt. Back of my mind, i was thinking of stopping and closed my account as intended, but i didn’t. I played from morning, by night time, i loss it all again. I managed to keep some cash in my wallet, probably can help me survive till next pay day.
I hate myself for relapsing again and again, i could have paid off all my debts by now if i stopped whilst i was ahead.
I remember when i first discover this website few weeks ago and reading some of the story, thinking to myself, is this what i want?
Years of gambling, wasting money and life away, and have nothing in return or to show for?
Finally, i emailed them again to close my account. I made up my mind that i can start again if i choose to. Gambling is not the answer or way of life.
So at 2100hrs, my account was finally closed. I felt relieve. Then i went to bed. I still think of gambling, what could have been and all, but at least this time i couldn’t gamble even if i want to. First step to recovery….

17/6/17
Woke up today, still gambling was on my mind. I know it not easy and will take time. I will take it one step at a time.
Today decide to do some financial planning, to help me get back on track.
Reason i write this journal is to share with others, to help reminding myself and also to inspire, give hope to others as well.
Time for lunch…. 🙂

Hope you all have a nice day!!

ps. English is not my mother tounge, so sorry for bad english/grammer

Bye

>>>Lets start making the change TODAY!<<<

[velvet]

Hello Coklat and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Coklat
Your English is just fine and everything you have written is understood – well done.
Keeping a journal is an excellent way for you to kick start your gamble-free life – it means you can look back in the future and see how far you have come.
How did you get on with your financial planning? Do you have anybody who can handle your finances for you?.
The weekend is often quiet on the forums but I hope you will soon receive more replies from others who are walking on the same road as you – it is easier to change one’s life when one has support.
If it wasn’t possible to stop gambling i wouldn’t be writing to you so keep posting and sharing your journey to recovery
I hope you will use our groups and get to know you are not alone.
Velvet

[coklatpuddin]

Thanks Velvet 🙂

Got some extra cash yesterday, got bored and ended up re-open my account. Felt so ashamed of myself. Lose it all.
So i asked for the online casino to ban my name from re-open/re-register a new account.
Next step, need to blocked all gambling websites.

No one knows the demon inside of me. I can’t share my problems with my family and girlfriend, cause i can’t bare looking at them thinking of what i have becomes.

There’s no such thing like GA meeting at where i live, so this is the only outlet for me to share my problem.

For now, will try to survive for few more days till my next payday.

Have a nice day guys!

[JayKay82]

Hi there,

Been on this site for roughly 7 months, initially i did relapse after the first week, but for the last 30 weeks i have been gamble free. You can do it, use all the tools on the website. Re-read your old posts and very quickly life will start to get better. Not sure if any of this helps, but some times its nice to know people care and are wishing you the best.

[ssbaby]

I can understand exactly where you are, how you feel as I have the same issue as yours. Closing account is not go enough, you should do the self exclusion for one or two years, by doing that you cannot reopen the account.
Try to stay with your family or someone when you have nothing to do as it is so easy to turn on the computer and gamble, but if someone is next to you, you dare not to gamble in front of them.
As I always say, winning is not a good thing for gambler as they will continue to gamble, they think they can win more next time. Now you should forget what you won or lost, try to make the financial plan properly. Listen, life is hard, it is harder when you don’t have enough money to live but at least you stop bleeding.

[coklatpuddin]

Hi Jaykay,

Yeah,it is so easy to relapse. So one of the way i keep on reminding myself to remain on track is by doing this journal. Reading others stories, watching videos on the issues.
Congratulations on your 30 weeks achievement. Hoping for more weeks/years to come for all of us here 🙂

[coklatpuddin]

Hi ssbaby,

I totally agree when you said winning will keep us gambler going until we have nothing left to gamble.
I have closed my account with permanent exclusion and asked my name to be banned from reopening the account. I also installed gambling blocking apps, my target is not not to play for 1 or 2 years, i want to totally erased gambling activity from my life. 🙂
It does feel good to wake up in the morning without the need to gamble. It just gave me so much anxiety before.
Writing this journal help me to focus my energy elsewhere.

[coklatpuddin]

21/6/2017

2 days ago, i asked for D*****t.com to permanently banned myself from re-opening or re-registered a new account. Then, i installed a gambling blocking apps.

The past 2 days i woke up feeling much better version of myself. I don’t go straight to my laptop to gamble online. Instead, i took time to have a proper breakfast, do some chores and went out with my girlfriend.
From time to time, gambling still crossed my mind, but it wasn’t the urge to play, just the regret that why i started at the first place. I watched some videos on Compulsive Gambling, how they talked about addiction, brain etc…. am i really that sick or addicted??

Anyway, then i said to myself i should stop watching this videos if i want to stop gambling. Out of side, out of mind they said. So the only gambling related thing i will do is to write this journal, talk to nice people at gambling therapy and share the positive energy.

For today, i am doing my financial planning, just to put thing into perspective, to find out financially where do i stand and to make some goals. Then, time for lunch…hehe

I can’t change the past, but for sure i can change my future for the better! 🙂

Have a nice day guys!!

[ssbaby]

You did it very well, I wish I can be like you. I put myself into self exclusion for a few site already but once I have spare money I will find another site and open new accounts, after I lost all my money, I regretted and close the account again. Honestly speaking, I won most of the time but I never wanted to leave the computer, finally it went back all to them – lost all winnings plus my deposit. I am a single mother, my pay is just enough to live and REPAY all my debt from the past, and I need more money to live so I gamble because I think if I can withdraw my winnings on time but it never happen to me. I know my thinking is wrong but I can’t control myself. I know very well how to stop myself from gambling but it never stays long, maximum two weeks.
I am a loser, I can repay all my debt quicker if I don’t gamble but I always remember those days I won.

[coklatpuddin]

I know exactly how you feel. But because it is too much of a hassle for me to always open a new account, i only kept with one online casino account, which i already closed and opt for permanent exclusion.

Previously i relapsed just like you did, but this time i installed a gambling blocking app, and changed the admin password into something that is so complicated that i myself won’t even remember. So right now if i try to browse any gambling websites, it will be blocked.

I believe you can do is ssbaby, just know that gambling is not the answer and we can’t win in the long term. After reading all the stories here, i realised many have spent 10, 20 to 30 years gambling, and have nothing to show for. It will only bring shame, disappointment and empty bank account etc.

I am only into my 3rd years of gambling, i decided that i couldn’t do this any longer, destroying my future, so i stop and took necessary steps to assist me with my plan.

Sharing my thought here helps too…

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