[trulyshi]

I am going to take Janey’s advice and start a new journal since my old one just wasn’t working the way I need it to. Starting a new one should solve the problems and, after all, isn’t a new start what we are all looking for? Change can be scarey and we can either avoid it or embrace it and move forward. For all of us old timers out there, lol, let’s all start a new journal and continue on our journey together. Hope to hear from everyone and it’s good to be back on GT. Debbie

[trulyshi]

Cat, I hope you will read this. I’m not sure whether you were able to go on your trip with Carole because of her foot injury, but Bettie and I would love to have you join us in Chicago the week of Oct. 13 if you are able to. Let us know, instead of Thelma and Louise we can be the three muskateers, lol.

[p]

Hi Debbie
So glad to see someone starting a new thread too. Glad to be back into the posting again. I am glad you are going well with life at the moment and gambling to you now must seem like a distant memory. i cant wait to hear of the Thelma and Louise episodes or The Three musketeers. What fun! Wish i lived closer

P

[p]

Hi Debbie well it looks like its you and me so far on the new threads hehe.. They work fine if you create a new one which we have done.
I hope that your days are going well since you last posted. How long is it till you meet up with Bettie again?

P

[cat438]

(((Debbie))) thank you so much for inviting me to join you and (((Bettie))) and I know it would have been so much fun, but I cant swing it right now, but I know I will meet you in the future!!! I am so excited for you to have this trip. You so deserve all these wonderful things that are happening in your life. I am so proud of you girl and I know that I need to take a page out of your book and be more positive. I love your upbeat posts!!!! I know that you will have an awesome time with Bettie.

[cat438]

Hi Debbie I don’t know why, but I believe that you have a special Anniversary date in October. I wonder if that is happening when you are on your Thelma and Louise Trip. I just wanted to let you know that it stuck with me for some reason!!!

[trulyshi]

You are right Cat, coming up on the 24th is not only my birthday but the date that Barry ended our relationship. I’ll be back from Chicago on that day and will be celebrating with my family, friends and Bill. Barry said that day that someday I would thank him for dumping me and at the time I was so full of hatred and despair I told him that would never happen. I was wrong. He did what I could not do, I was too dependant and too afraid to do the right thing. I am now looking forward to the future and wake up each morning with a song in my heart. My gambling urges over the past year have not subsided completely, but they have become significantly less and I am far more capable of reasoning them out and conquering them. Barry was a HUGE gambling trigger for me and by running away from him and gambling I only punished myself. Imagine, I was basically supporting him, paying rent, buying groceries and supplying his benefits, yet I would run down to the casino to escape from his abuse. A lot of growth and change has taken place over the past year and I learned from that experience. I will never place myself in that kind of situation again. Taking care of ME is my priority and those who truly care for me. This will be a happy birthday this year and the anniversary date of my freedom and independence. Thanks for remembering, Cat. Debbie

[trulyshi]

My manager at work is in charge for the Run for the Cure against breast cancer so today is a jeans and pink t-shirt day for me. I was up most of the night baking pink shortbread cookies and rice crispie squares for the bake sale. Much more satisfaction in staying up all night for a good cause instead of feeding a greedy slot machine. A little over a week and I will be in Chicago. Bettie has informed me that she has bought tickets for us to a Broadway play. It will be my first one ever and I am so excited. Looks like we are in for some thunder storms today so I will be driving to work instead of walking. I am off to babysit Sarah after work, she is growing so fast and is ready to take her first steps anyday. I am so in love with that little girl that my heart overflows when I am with her. Being a grandma is the best experience ever! Take care all, and have a terrific weekend. Debbie

[p]

Happy late birthday wishes to you Debbie. I love how much you have grown i can read it in those posts. Over the time you have really moved forward and changed your life for the better. Real rapid growth and recovery. Congrats Debbie you deserve it and i cant wait to hear of the adventures with Bettie

P

[trulyshi]

This Thursday, the 24th, will mark not only my birthday but one year since Barry and I broke up and he tossed me out of his house. What a year!!!!! It has been an eye opener and probably one of the best years I have ever had. I have been on three vacations this year compared to none over the past 5 years. The most memorable one was my recent trip to Chicago to visit Bettie. I had the bestest time EVER. I think I ate my way through Chicago, lol. Went to a fabulous play and met Bettie’s two wonderful kitties (one bit me, but we’ll overlook that). Seems the only time I really enjoy shopping is when I am with Bettie and I tend to buy way too much, but then again, I’m worth it. My relationship with Bill is solid and growing every day. Apparently Barry is on his 4th or 5th girlfriend and all I feel is pity, for him and for her. Time now to get ready for work, I have an exam today and have been stressing over it but it will soon be over and I remember stressing over this in the past and everything worked out just fine, as I’m sure it will this time. Luv to all, Deb

[Anonym]

Hi Deb: Happy birthday for Thursday. I have to do this now or I will forget. Congratulations on turning your life around completely. You are truly and inspiration. I’m in a dark place in my life at the moment. Not only due to the gambling bug which rises up and bites me in the butt every few months, but I’m just lost generally. Reading your post gives me hope that things can change — and WILL change when I’m ready. Just this morning, I felt that there wasn’t a place in this world for me. I often feel that way after the kids leave for school and my husband leaves for work. I am so adrift without a job and I still pray that something good will come along.

You give me hope. Thank you.

Love, RG

[cat438]

I always find it so uplifting to read your posts and I wish that I was more positive like you. It is awesome, it’s as if you are in love with life!!! That is an incredible way to be. So happy for you and you have come a long way girl!!!!!!!

[p]

Congratulations debbie you have really done so well. I knew you and Bettie would have so much fun.
P

[Dunc]

Hi Deb, Happy Birthday. You’ve worked so hard on yourself to give you this life; you truly deserve all the happiness that’s come your way.

One question, you wrote “Apparently Barry is on his 4th or 5th girlfriend” how do you know.. maybe its time to stop getting this information after all is it really benefiting you

Take Care

H

[trulyshi]

Thank you my friends for your early birthday wishes. One more day of being 53, sigh! I PASSED MY EXAM. That definitely deserves capital letters, lol. I got a whopping 80% when only 75 was needed. Worst case scenario was that I would have had to rewrite it in about 2 months so I just focussed on the questions and decided to stop stressing and do the best I could. I am off to babysit my granddaughter Sarah today and have not seen her in over a week so I am excited since at a year old I know there will be changes in her. Bill took me out for dinner on Saturday with his kids and my daughter for an early birthday celebration and it was wonderful. There was a beautiful vase of two dozen GREEN roses waiting for me on the restaurant table (my favourite colour). I am also the proud owner of a beautiful GREEN coach purse (my first), thank you Bettie I love you. I look forward to the coming year because I know that more good things are looming on the horizon. There will also be bad things, unexpected things that will challenge my addiction, but I am learning new coping mechanisms every day and am embracing the changes in my life. I still get urges but I don’t want to risk my happiness and the happiness of those close to me by giving in to them, the momentary rush of gambling will not replace the peace and self worth I have found. Hope everyone has a terrific day, hang in there RG, one day at a time will eventually turn in to a change for the better. Debbie

[vera]

Green roses!!
That’s a new one on me Deb! I thought only shamrock was green! Lol!
Thanks for posting to my thread. Retirement, like returning to work, will not take away our addiction, neither will changing our friends, our men our cars etc, that old “demon” will still linger in the shadows.
As Geordie says “Just because the monkeys jumps off your shoulder, doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”
I will have to be on my guard now until my (small) lump sum, whenever I get it , is tied up. I will just have to put my debt repayments on the long finger. I’m not going to stress myself over money because if I do, I could easily make one last ditch attempt to clean out the casinos ! As if!!!
When I was your age , Deb, I went back to full time work after a 19 year career break. I took to it like a duck to water and enjoyed every day. Of course the intention was to pay off my then huge debt. Little did I think that, not only would I lose all I earned but on the strength of my earnings, that I would borrow beyond my means (the banks were throwing money at people in the boom) and lose that too….Ah well! What’s done is done and I’m paying for my fun now in more ways than I could ever dare to write on this Forum.
By the way my boss has also retired. He is 54. That also helped me to make up my mind. I never had a cross word with him, unlike the person who is taking his job….’nuff said!!

I’m so happy for you Deb! From the bottom of my heart , I am!
A new grand daughter! A new man friend and above all a friend as dear as Bettie! And it all happened in the space of one year!,
What could be better! The world, as you enter your 54th year is at your feet. I hope and pray gambling will not spoil one moment of your wonderful life!
That is my Birthday wish for you!

[velvet]

Dear Deb

I am glad I popped over today in time to wish you the happiest of birthdays because you sure deserve it.

Congratulations too on your exam results – we all know on here that you are terrific but it is great when you prove it to others on paper too.

You are very special and I am glad that Bill is looking after you. I am so glad that I have been able to see your journey from the start – I knew you could do it and now you know it too.

I hope you are having the most wonderful time

You are one amazing woman and I am so, so proud to have ‘met’ you

V

[trulyshi]

Thank you Velvet, you made my day. It was a wonderful day. I went out for dinner with Bill and then over to my daughter’s where little Sarah toddled over to me with a birthday card from “grandma’s girl”. I’m full and tired so going to turn in early, hmmmmmm…… must be getting older, lol. Debbie

[icandothis]

Happy belated birthday, Debbie! What a difference a year makes!

[trulyshi]

Arghhhhh, I dislike working Saturdays. Oh well, just have to get through this day and I have Sunday off. Happy weekend to everyone

[vera]

Banks are closed in Ireland on Saturdays and Sundays, Debbie! As this is a Bank holiday weekend, they will be closed Monday too! Do you get extra pay for Saturdays or a day off instead?
Think of all the Saturdays we wasted in the casino….and Sundays, and Mondays, Tuesdays etc etc.!
I could visualize little Sarah toddling over with your birthday card! These are the memories we should be storing in our treasure chest, Debbie. Better than the memory of staggering from a casino like zombies, fumbling for the car keys after yet another losing streak. Think of all you would be missing if you were still gambling! I have no grandchildren Debbie (my grown up kids can barely fend for themselves) but I am close to my nieces’ and nephews’ children and I love watching their antics . The youngest baby in the extended family born in July ( a honeymoon baby) and she is going on her first holiday to Spain tomorrow. My sister’s grandchild. I felt a bit peeved that I wasn’t asked if I would like to go with the family group since I’m now free and easy. Every holiday my sister ever went on when she knew I was working, she would send me a text saying “We would all LOVE you to come with us. Why don’t you ask for time off?”. This time she just texted me to say “we are leaving for Spain on Sunday” and listed all the family members who were going….makes me feel like having my own little private holiday in the casino, but I WON’T. I will arrange the week ahead and save my (now limited) cash for better things!
Hope you have an easy day Deb!

[trulyshi]

Had a wonderful visit at work yesterday by a little girl dressed in an Elmo costume. My daughter brought Sarah by to show off and she was such a hit in the bank. It really made my day. I’m going to babysit tonight so they can go out on a date night and I’m already excited and wish my work day was over. Vera, I know what it’s like to be excluded from events. There are times my kids go bowling or to the movies with their dad and I find out about it after. It hurts that they rarely ask me to do activities with them but I actually do understand. I have been so unavailable in the past that they just stopped asking. Well, I’m available now and Rome wasn’t built in a day so it will just take time. It’s that time now to put on the makeup and head out the door, hope everyone has a great weekend. Deb

[velvet]

Dear Deb

I think your comment ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ is the comment of a CG who is living the gamble-free life and living it with maturity and understanding.

I have felt exclusion as a result of my behaviour during the years the addiction was affecting me, even if it was vicariously. It has been a slow process but with my eyes open and a mouth that has learned to stay silent at appropriate times, things for me are changing and changing to something really special.

In my opinion, our old behaviour takes time for others to forget totally – we know we are changed but trust is difficult for those who lived with our old behaviour. I am sorry that you feel hurt at times but the new you will be winning more trust every gamble-free day. You could ask to be included in a bowling or movie trip – your kids have possibly gone so long, without thinking of asking you, they may feel that maybe you don’t want to go. Taking the first step is the hardest – as you know.

I hope you have a great weekend

V

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