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    • #2686

      I am 30 year old female.  I am extremely close to my family and grew up afraid to take risks. I am financially stable and have a savings account that makes me comfortable.  I always stress about what could be instead of appreciating what I have in life.  I told myself I would never settle and I would get everything I deserved in life.  Then I met my fiance….and he has brought the greatest happiness and sadness into my life.
      He is also 30 years old and is the most intelligent person I’ve ever met.  He knows how to have fun but somehow finds time to stay on top of world news, global issues and the financial market.  Most of all, he is a communicator and knows how to calm me down and appreciate life.
      A year into our relationship, I found out that he had a gambling problem.  Although he had a great job, he would juggle his job and gambling day in and day out.  He was also in debt.  I thought this was a problem that could easily be solved–he was only 28!  We worked together to pay off his debt–I lent him money to pay backtaxes, bookies, and the collection agency.  He lost his job twice due to his lack of focus but made big strides when he got a job at a top U.S. company.  We got engaged and things were going well (minus the once every 4-month gambling fall).  He started to see a therapist and attend GA sessions.  At this point, he owed me about $25k.  He moved to New York and I cosigned for a apartment.  It was alwaways ups and downs…but I was determined to focus on the ups.  I thought he could make it through this disease.
      It’s been 3 years into the relationship and we are making wedding plans.  I handle ALL finances and the paychecks come directly into my account.  I give him allowance until he can prove to me that he is capable of managing his own fiances.  He agrees with this agreement.   (Writing all this out makes me sound crazy….)  He still falls and finds money to gamble every 3-4 months but I make excuses for him because a disease has ups and downs, right?  He lies about where he is and what he’s doing and there is no trust in the relationship.  I tell him that I feel like he is cheating on me with gambling but he dismisses it by saying it’s not the same.  I feel betrayed and hurt.  I love him…why can’t he see that we can make this work?
      Well last night, I found out that he’s been using his corporate credit card to buy things and sell them for gambling money.  I think it’s time to re-evaluate my future with him….it’s so hard but I have to see the light someday.  I can’t be around to bail him out everytime he needs me.  He needs to figure it out for himself and want to fix this problem himself…yet I keep thinking he needs my help.  It’s so tough….I’m at a fork in the road….how do marriages work?  Is it suppose to be  this stressful?
      Do or don’t do….there is no try.– 21/09/2010 08:23:49: post edited by tim.

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