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Welcome! We can’t go back and change anything. We can only move forward and make our lives better. I agree with Jen. You need to work your recovery. GA groups are free and you can get support there. Do you not have support or are you apprehensive about reaching out to someone you knoe? We are here for each other. You may feel hopeless now but things will get better if you stop gambling. Take time for you and your happiness. I’m thinking of you today and sending hugs. Hang in there! Keep posting!