Hi MM
I expect I will ‘see’ you tonight but I wanted to push a few thoughts around.
Your husband does not have the ability to ‘learn’ about his addiction so I would imagine he is hanging on to your every word for understanding. Because he doesn’t have support groups and information he will not be gaining the level of understanding that he would have had in other countries. It could therefore be argued that he is not able to adapt his patterns of behaviour to fool you. However although I don’t want to overestimate or underestimate the manipulative ability of the CG, the addiction to gamble it is one hell of a pernicious enemy. Money equals gamble and therefore the sole aim of a day or relationship is to get that money. With one goal in mind the CG’s every fibre is geared toward gaining the wherewithal to gamble, you on the other hand are thinking of many different things at a time.
I think that mentioning the G word is often a waste of time; it seems to bring out the worst of the addiction and who wants to hear more lies and excuses? From all you have said I still think that your return to Cuba is the right decision for the person that is ‘you’. It might not be right for everybody but you need to know for your sake what the true picture is. Once F&F emerge from the dark and fully recover I think they can safely cease to fear being near the addiction – however, although you are not at that point yet, you want to see your husband again which to me is understandable – I wouldn’t want to give up at this stage either.
You will go to Cuba therefore armed with an arsenal of knowledge of which your husband is unaware. You are stronger than his addiction but in view of all the above you are also extremely vulnerable – love can be a real pain can’t it?
I sense you are in limbo right now, wanting to approach the man you love but afraid of the addiction he owns – what are the options – never to return to him or go and see for yourself? In other words it is time to make your own informed decision. That is what I believe you came on this site to learn to do and that is what I believe you are doing.
It will be the most cynical thing I ever say but I think that to trust your husband at all would be totally unwise. If your husband is asking for trust it is implies he is not accepting his addiction yet as he should know he cannot trust himself. Trust will take a long, long time to rebuild and nothing can hurry it but healthy actions over a long period.
I am interested as to why you are feeling awkward about questioning your husband – if you didn’t question wouldn’t it imply that you are accepting there is no concern – in which case it would be a dishonest assumption.
Hope to speak tonight
V
