Dear diary,
Today I return from a support group meeting feeling below:
How many have tried committing suicide only to return back to gambling
How many was put behind bar only to return to gambling after their release
How many scholars memorized the recovery program only to gamble drink or steal
How many pastor, priest and addiction counsellor was telling others not to gamble, drink, prey on vulnerable people for sex or steal only to do it themselves
How many promises was made to God and love ones only to be broken
Until 2014, I still believe that the only time I can stop for good was after I die, dead man cannot act out in destructive ways.
How many hypocrites have I witness since 2005, too many until I start to believe I was hopeless and no different from them.
I can never imagine and never thought that I can be where I am today.
My life has change, I was blessed by messenger from God
If I consider my last gamble and drink, I would have gamble and drink for more than 30 years
Along the way I become a workaholic, sex , food addict,
I didn’t like drugs after trying when young
I listen to my God’s messenger
focus on God one day at a time
try to read God’s words as much as I can
learn to refer to God ‘s scripture and words when I need to made a decision
I start to be mindful and look after my mind and body after learning that my body is His temple.
Most importantly I start praying more regularly
This my story.
I could not change.
God gave me Grace, and change me.