[steamyhot]

Hi everyone, I have been on and off this website for a couple of months now. It has done me great deal of good when I visit every day. Sometimes however, the demon gets a strong hold of me and I stay off for a little while. When I do that I usually go gamble. I also have a drinking problem. When I drink and gamble, I get that extra bit of courage to bet more and more haphazardly. The problem with this is I have won a few times with this behaviour so in my mind I can do it all the time which usually turns out disasterous. Even when I win I find it almost impossible to pay off the things I should. I hold on to the money until I lose it all again. The thoughts I have that usually make me go are I have dug such a big hole that What’s the difference if I go gamble? I can’t pay what I have to by normal means. I have had suicidal thoughts but what keeps me from this very selfish act is all the hurt I will leave behind. I have already lost most things that people hold dear such as wives, houses, jobs and self respect. I am going to make sure that I visit this site every day to know that I am not alone with my problem. I have a hard time keeping positive when everything seems to be going wrong. I know I must force myself to be positive because that is the only way I can stay ahead of this addiction. Thanks to all of you who open up here. Your struggling friend, Dave 

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