I’ve had a pretty good few days. It was my bday on Thursday and although I spent that day alone I was ok with it. My good friend took me for dinner last night which was super sweet of her. I’ve never celebrated my bday much. There was a few years in my life that friends had little parties for me but I’ve never liked the whole celebration thing for it. This stems from my mom dying around my bday as a kid. She was supposed to have a party for me as I was a child still and she ended up passing suddenly from a drowining accident around that time. My counselor told me since I’m becoming a new me I have to try and maybe celebrate my bday now for myself at least. So going out last night and actually letting someone buy me dinner was huge for me. I never let anyone pay for my stuff. I have a hard time with that as I’ve always felt guilty if anyone does. I’m always the one that pays for everything. So this is huge progress for me. I’m trying really hard to make changes to all areas of my life so that I can have a better life and recovery. I owe it to myself to be happy. I was talking to my sister and a friend of mine from high school the last few days. Both are severe alcoholics that were drunk each time I was on the phone with them. They’re lives are so incredibly chaotic and it made me realize what I could of turned into if I didn’t quit drinking in my early 20s. The gambling was starting to take away who i was to I became way more isolated and depressed. Though I wasn’t hammered or stoned from drugs I was messed up emotionally to the core. I couldn’t even go into stores without being afraid of people. That was covid related to but I was just lost all around. I can finally go shopping now without losing my marbles with full on anxiety. It took me until recently to get to that point. I dont isolate at home much either other than resting when I get home from work during the week. I started reaching out to more of my gfs. I actually didn’t realize how many friends I had till I got single and started making the effort to see people. My relationship took alot of my spare time away so its nice to rekindle old friendships. I made a promise to myself to not let another relationship take that away from me. This weekend I found another car show to go to so I’m going to get out of my comfort zone and ask some strangers about maybe learning restoration techniques from them. That’s gonna be a tough one for me but you don’t learn or get yourself anywhere if you don’t put yourself out there either.
