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    • #15143
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      i"m a compulsive gambler, it’s been going on for 10 years.  I have lied to my husband, family, and friends to gamble.
      My husband turns his head to my problem, as he has a severe drinking problem.  I decided today, after a gambling binge that I do not want to live like this anymore.  I went on the chat room tonight to get support.  Thanks, Bettie and ddsroad for all the support!!  Tommorrow I will be going to my first GA meeting!  I’m scared and excited!  This disease has cost me all of my savings, plus sleepless nights of worry. I don’t like myself right now.  I’m a educated, smart woman, but I can’t control my gambling.  I see how gambling has affected my relationships.  I have put the gambling before my family, friends, and responsibilties.  I sound pitiful right now.  I don’t even know myself anymore.  I want the old me back.  I’m ready to fight this!  Well thanks for listening!  I want my self-respect back.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15144
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Just leaving the house to go to my Mom’s.  Looking forwards to a few days away!!!  Hvae a gf day everyone!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15145
      vera
      Συμμετέχων

      Enjoy your trip Lizbeth…take care!

    • #15146
      lynn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth,
      Enjoy your time being away! I thought I should pop in to say hi and catch up with your posts.

    • #15147
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Vera and Lynn, a few days away is just what I needed.  I enjoyed being with my Mom and my Husband had a good time also.  It is always nice to get home though.  I’m going to work out tomorrow at Curves.My friend whom I exercise with already came over to remind me about tomorrow.  It is good to have that support.  Believe it or not, I did miss not working out.  Next time, I will get a traveling pass soo I can work out when at my Mom’s. The next 3 weeks are going to be very busy for me.  My Grandson will be staying with us Mon-Friday.  His Mom ***** to study after work for the next 2 weeks, and then will be gone to Seattle for 1 week for her actual training class for work.  She ***** to be able to get certified so she can get a promotion at work.  So, I will be taking and picking him up during the week to his summer school camp.  He will be spending the weekends with his Dad. This will give us some one on one time, and I can spoil him a little more.  Ha Ha!!!! Anyways, it’s good to be back.  I missed my friends here!!  Hope everyone had a good day!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15148
      pp
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      Just wanted to say hi its been a while.. Glad you are doing the work outs, well done.  I find physically to move helps me move through things emotionally too, so glad you are doing so well on this journey. 
      Day 19 today

    • #15149
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Pp, good to hear from you. I did my workout this morning.  I did get through it.  I bought a Britta waterbottle today, it has it’s own built in filter, as I don’t like the taste of the tap water here.  Tastes too much like minerals.  Carole, I can stop buying bottled water now, and stop polluting the environment with *******.  Hubby and I are off to a RV show.  When he retires in 4 1/2 years we want to buy a RV and travel during the hot summer months here.  Carole, I can’t wait to visit you in a couple of months.  It is going to be a blast!!!  Have a great day everyone!!! Seize all the good things in life

    • #15150
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      The RV Show was awesome.  We (Hubby and I) agreed on the some one.  A 30 foot Class A Motorhome.  Of course we will be buying a used one with low mileage.  It was exciting to know that this is reality, it is really going to happen.  I took back over our finances over 1 month ago.  We both agreed that it was in our best interest for me to pay the bills.  He has been blowing alot of money, and now that he is on a allowance he is making his money stretch and last till the next payday.  We set up a budget, we make enough to pay our bills, groceries, gas, and some extra.  We are striving to be able to start saving money by the end of the year.  Things are looking up financially, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It feels good that I can trust myself with money. When I have had some urges to gamble, I haven’t thought about taking money that is set aside for bills.  I am getting stronger day by day.  Day 210 GF, 124 no smoking!!!! I can’t believe I have come this far!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15151
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      OMG Lizbeth
      210 days!!! that is so wonderful and giving up smoking, 2 addictions down that is fantastic.  Hope you are proud of yourself.  Sounds like things are really turning around for you, motorhome sounds awesome. 
       P – Living and Learning

    • #15152
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      LIz! 210 days of no gambling!! That is absolutely amazing! And quitting smoking too! And exercising! I don’t know how you do it, but whatever you’re doing, it’s working for you. Way to go Liz!! Carole

    • #15153
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth. Each morning I see a post off you on my thread but never get round to posting on yours. I am full of admiration for you, youve really got to grips with this recovery thing. Thanks for all the support you have offered to me over these last 6 months. This thread I’m sure motivates and inspires many of us, I’m sure of that. When I was behaving so patheticly you stood by me and offered great support, I’ve just been reading back my thread the support you offered me was first class, it might have fallen on deaf ears then, but believe me it has helped since.
      What an inspiring lady you are. Thank you and well done on your big turn around.
      Geordie.I dont gamble.

    • #15154
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hey Lizbeth,
      Wow….you have been busy.  I have missed you and have thought of you often since my laptop was at the doctors.
      Who would have thought we could have a life with no gambling in it?  You are doing it and i am sooo proud of you.  Not only that, but the steps you have taken to look after your health is nothing short of inspirational.  I need to look to you and get of my bum before it wont fit in the chair anymore!!!!!
      Hope to see you soon,
      Love Kathryn ***
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #15155
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      HI Geordie and Kathryn, I have found my inspiration from all my friends here.  I thank God that I found this site and all the support to help me in my recovery.  Today is a blah day for me.  Didn’t feel like walking this morning.  I couldn’t sleep last night.  As busy as I was yesterday, I thought I would sleep like a log.  Oh well, I’m going to get up off my butt and go grocery shopping and get moving.  I hope everyone has a great GF day!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15156
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      My workout went well this morning.  Picking up my Grandson this afternoon from summer camp. Slept well last night!  I was real busy yesterday cleaning, doing laundry, and grocery shopping.  Looking forward to my trip to Canada (first time), in 2 months, to visit Carole.  We really connected here on GT, and have decided to meet.  How exciting is that!!!  It was a hot one here yesterday, 104%. Good time for a dip in the pool, maybe that’s what my Grandson and I will do later today.  Hope everyone has a GF day!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15157
      pumkin113b
      Συμμετέχων

      Hey Lizbeth! Thanks so much for your post. Youre an inspiration to all 🙂   Pumkin 

    • #15158
      jean
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz Wow a trip to see carole wish i could come to meet you both but its a bit to far.Where do you get all your energy from you could share a bit with me lol.Take care xlifes to short

    • #15159
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for the kind reply.  I find that staying positive is soo much easier and productive than being negative.  So, when I find myself down, I try to get out of it by thinking good thoughts.  Hope that doesn’t sound too strange.  I just find that it works for me.  The garage sale was awesome.  I suprised my Sister with some sweet tea, which she loves.  I spent $25 and you wouldn’t believe what I got.  5 shirts which look like new, a pair of pants, 2 pair of shoes (which were brand new), 2 games for my Grandson, a purse, and my greatest find: a winter jacket (for when I go to my Mom’s), and I only paid $1 for it.  I was soo thrilled!  Little things excite me!!!  My Husband and I went out to dinner (Mexican Food)  It was nice to sit and have a conversation.  It was really enjoyable for both of us.  I really think that we don’t give each other enough time.  After 28 years of marriage things get stale.  We are going to try to take more time for each other.  That is really progress for us!!!  I didn’t get the flowers planted yet, so tomorrow we are going to work on it together.  No thoughts of gambling!!  Yeah!!  One day at a time!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15160
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I’m trying to get motivated today.  Need to go to store for some potting soil.  I just got off the phone with my Mom ( 1 hour) and it was an emotional conversation.  Still having relationship issues with my oldest Daughter.  She’s very hurtful and rude, very it’s all about me.  My Grandson is in the middle of this.  My Daughter started a arguement with me in front of him, and I didn’t react the way I should of.  I should of just left because she was out of control.  It was ugly. I apologized to my Grandson and told him that it would never happen again.  I know that I made mistakes as a parent, I’m not perfect.  But my children always came first.  Now, my Daughter who is in her 30’s blames me for everything that is wrong in her life.  I have listen to her and tried to relate to what she’s feeling, but I don’t get it and I’m not going to shoulder the blame for alll of her issues.  She seems very, very angry!! It’s very complicated.  I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells with her.  It’s like I’m in a no win situation.  I listen to her but she doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say.  Sorry about the ranting, just had to get it off my chest!! My Husband is getting tired of her attitude and supports me fully.  It’s all compl;icated and a long story.  We raised my Grandson the first 2 years of his life because of addiction issues with my Daughter and his Father.  Thank God they both went to rehab and continued counceling and have been clean for 4 years and are both parenting him now.  I know my Daughter lost alot of time with her son, but she has alot of hostility and jealousy towards us.  We need to work through this and come to some kind of resolution. There is alot of tension!!!  I’m happy to say that this didn’t trigger any gambling issues!!  I think having my Husband’s support help me. Going to get off  the sofa and to the store.  Have a great gamble free today!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15161
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Liz! Sorry to hear the content of your post. I would have thought that your daughter would have got past the point of blaming others after 4 years in recovery. I know that her life would be a lot harder were it not for the practical support you give her. Most grandparents don’t look after their grandkids even close to the level that you have. It’s unfortunate that she can’t see the gift that you have given her and her son, and appreciate it. We can’t change people only how we react to them, and don’t be hard on yourself because you didn’t react the way you would have wanted to. None of us are perfect! Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Happy Recovery Day! Carole

    • #15162
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I planted my flowers and it made me feel much better.  Beautiful, yellow, red. and purple flowers on my patio.  Thanks Carole for the post, it helped me alot.  Going to bed early, feeling tired. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15163
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I’m having a great day! My car is done, new struts, and it drives beautifully.  I finished cleaning today, and I’m making dinner right now so we can just pop it in the microwave tonight.  Picking up my Grandson from school today and he is spending the night. I am having Easter here this Sunday.  I have the ham but need to go to the store tomorrow for the rest of the dinner.  My Sister is bringing her cloud salad, one of my favorites and my Grandma’s receipe.  We are expecting 10 people, and all say they are coming.  Grandson and I wll color eggs on Thusday.  Keeping busy!!!  No urges!  Have a great gamble free day everyone!! Seize all the good things in life

    • #15164
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth, what is a cloud salad?  Is it a bright cloud or dark cloud LOL, sorry my silly sense of humour.  I am so envious that you have your grandson close to you.  I have two Grandsons they are turning 5 and 2 next month, but it’s 2 x 2.5 hour flights to get there.  We do Skype, but I can’t get to give them hugs through the computer.  We are going to see them in July… I can’t wait.  We saw them 4 ***** for two weeks each time last year.  I think we will only get 3 trips out this year.  When I hear you say you are colouring eggs with your Grandson that is the type of things I miss doing with my Grandson. Wishing you a day free of gambling and a wonderful recovery day.  P.S.  Hubby is not drinking as much and I notice that it makes a difference to how I feel.  It is causing him too many stomach problems.One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15165
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi!  A cloud salad is cool whip, pineapple, and fresh cranberries, and it is a bright cloud.  LOL!!  You put it in a blender until all the cranberries are chopped up . Yummy!! I had a good but busy day.  Took my Grandson to school and went and worked out.  Then I drove across town to take my Nephew to the bank to start a checking and savings account, and out to lunch.  Dropped him off and went to the grocery store to pick up the rest of the food I need for Easter dinner. Now I’m tired. Whew!!!  Thank goodness that we have plenty of leftovers for dinner.  Got to tell you a cute one.  On the way to school this morning, I asked my Grandson what he would like for dinner on Thursday.  He said baked chicken thighs and legs, mashed potatoes, and green beans.  He just turned 6.  Well, at least he knows what he likes, and he didn’t say ice cream and candy!  Had a scare with my pc today.  It wouldn’t shut down, it has never done that before.  I had to unplug it and take out the battery pack and force it to shutdown.  I was soo scared that it wouldn’t boot back up when I plugged it in, but it did!!!!! Going to catch up on threads and relax the rest of the day.  By the way, my flowers I planted on Sunday are doing great and they look fantastic on the patio.  Have a great gamble free day everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15166
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth,
      I’m not posting much these days. I’m still as a board! My head feels like it weighs 20 pounds and the back of my neck hurts too! Dr apoligised 2x about not getting me off the 2nd pill sooner, He says I should be feeling better – in about a week! Oh well this too shall pass.
      Glad to see you posting and your grandson sounds cute as a button!
      Glad u are back!
      bettie

    • #15167
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks forthe post Bettie. Get well soon!  Noting much going on today. Going to the dentist, have to go every month to have gums checked and have teeth relined. It was one of the best things I did for myself.  Picking up Grandson from school and he is spending the night and no school Friday, so he will be here till Mom gets off work.  We will color eggs, fun!!! Take care everyone and have a great gamble free day!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15168
      i am hope
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      Good you are going to the dentist, i think a common thing for us cg’s is to neglect to do things like that for a long time and good to see that you are today.  You have done very well with this recovery lizbeth, i only hope i can get there too some day.  Mentioning the dentist always reminds me of colin in brum.  Whatever is he doing these days i wonder.
       Living with Hope

    • #15169
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post Hope!! Yeah, what happened to Colin? I had a awesome day!!  My Grandson and I played with some of the kids who live here this afternoon.  After dinner, we colored and decorated egg, soo much fun.  He just fell asleep after a warm bath and a few bedtime stories.  Love, love, love. He is spending most of Friday with me (no school).  We are going on a walk tomorrow and of course playing cars, his favorite thing to play.  Today the weather was fantastic, 80 degrees with a slight breeze.  What else can you ask for.  Good night, and sweet dreams.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15170
      amyyy
      Συμμετέχων

      Recovery suits you lisbeth and in ur posts there is no despair or anguish or confusion. You are not tormented because of gambling anymore.
      When i read your posts i read Freedom.
      I dont know you personally ofcourse- but by what you have written here it seems you are enjoying life’s simple beautiful gifts- and dealing with all the ‘stuff’ as best you can- but u sound un-burdened. (if this makes sense?)
      Your posts are inspirational to read- about how your recovery does become about your life- and everything positive and wonderful in it- and embracing those things- sometimes we cant see that evolution will take place when we are at the start of the process and still in the midst of the emotional storm- and the gambling has its claw in us. We cannot see beyond the struggle. But your posts show the light at the end of the tunnel- and how carefree and happy our focus can be after the storm settles.
      Really inspiring to read- and hope you continue forward with a life free of gambling.

    • #15171
      gunner27
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth great to see you back and posting regularly, your posts are very wholesome and reassuring! Really pleased you are well and to hear about your smoking milestone too, well done to you. Jim

    • #15172
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Woke up early, can’t sleep. Grandson is asleep and Hubby just left for work. Hubby has his compression stockings now and is wearing one on the left leg where the stents were placed.  He wore it all yesterday and when he took it off before bed, the swelling was gone.  He is feeling better.  Yesterday he went out to lunch to Mcdonalds with Grandson and I.  A big shocker as he doesn’t ever want to go anywhere. Grandson was soo happy. Nothing going on here.  We did have a nice storm yesterday afternoon.  But it has been real humid here, so we are staying inside alot.  I bought a new book," Chicken soup for the Soul, Shaping the new you,".  I need some motivation as I started dieting yesterday.  I am going to lose this 25lbs. Another lifestyle change!!!  I hope everyone has a great gamble free day!!!  Going to lay down and see if I can go back to sleep.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15173
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz,
      Just stopping by to say *****.
      I think when I get back from vacation I am going to join a weight loss group. Very expensive-but HEY! I’m worth it!!
      OPAAT! ( One pound at at time!!)
      bettie

    • #15174
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Doing well on my diet, 4 days now.  Grandson and I are going to a new bookstore today, then to Michaels to get some new crafts to do.  Maybe Mcdonalds for lunch, I can get a salad.  LOL!!!  We had to cut out the Wii for awhile as he is getting soo obsessed with it.  Isn’t it strange how addicted we can get to things even as a child?  I was limiting his time playing and we have always been careful to what he has watched on TV and he can’t watch it for more than 2 hours daily.  He told me that he thought he was addicted to it!!! From the mouths of babes!! So we will do some craft things and work on his Lego ship he picked out while we were on vacation.  Going to get myself together so we can get out and about before it gets too hot!!  Hope everyone has a great gamble free day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15175
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Liz! Checking in with you to see what you’ve been up to. I can’t believe how well you manage a lot of stress in your life. Losing weight dieting, in the midst of lots of stress. You seem so disciplined since you gave up gambling. Good to hear that your hubby is feeling better and getting around better. Maybe he will feel even better after he has his second surgery, and will want to participate in activities with you and your grandson more often. I feel like I’m coming down with a cold but morning will tell- coughing and sniffling and tired. Good night friend! Carole

    • #15176
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Well Carole, I blew up today.  My Daughter and I got into a big one.  The private school my Grandson got into isn’t all that she thought it was.  Both her and my son-in-law are big procrastinators.  They waited until one week till school starts to find a school for him.  I recommended a school in our neighborhood that I was told about from another Grandparent and I asked her 3 months ago to look into charter schools.  They are state ran, free, small classes, and some are highly recommended.  She never listened.  Now she tried to blame me for the whole school fiasco.  What the heck???  I told her that she dropped the ball and to stop blaming me for all the things that go wrong in her life.  I honestly don’t think that I can have her live with me.  I think that she ***** to seek some help for her bi-polar issues.  My poor Grandson is stuck in the middle of this!!!  I really wanted to eat a gallon of ice cream this evening!!  LOL!!! I have the worst headache right now.  I have to deal with her to see my Grandson.  Oh boy!!!  Hoping that everyone has a great gamble free day!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15177
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      OMG!  Daughter just text me, can my Grandson spent tomorrow night with me?  After what she did this evening? No apologies!!  I am not going to answer.  Something is wrong with this picture!!! Seize all the good things in life

    • #15178
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Liz! Seems like your daughter has reverted to her old behaviors of not taking responsibility for her decisions. There has to be some sort of solution other than her living with you for a couple months while she gets enough money together to get a place of her own. She has a job and works long hours. What is she spending her money on? What about if you take your grandson in for a couple of months and leave your daughter to find a place to stay for those few months with friends, etc. Best not to punish your grandson because of his mother’s nasty behavior. Do you know if she ***** you to look after your grandson for personal or work related reasons?  Carole 

    • #15179
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

       I told her no. Carole, she wanted to have a night out with her friends. I watched him last Friday night so she could go out. So, my Grandson’s Dad showed up to pick him up this afternoon.  It’s not that I don’t want him here, it’s that she should be spending time with him. I am tired!!!  She is a complusive shopper, that’s why she isn’t saving any money.  She has a 2 bedroom apt full (and I mean FULL). She also has a storage unit (big) full of stuff. She would never let my Grandson live here as she would feel like she has lost control.  She has been going to councelling for a long time.  When she is angry, I hear that everything that has been wrong in her life is my fault.  I don’t think I was a perfect Mom.  I was a young Mom, 19 years old. But I always tried to do my best!!!  Anyways, he was glad to see his Dad.  They had a early dinner here and we played a few board games before they left.  He told me that he would see me tomorrow.  I had to tell him that it was the weekend and Mom and Dad were off, so I would see him on Monday.  I am soo tired of him being in the middle of her mess!!!!  I am mentally drained and I need to vegg the rest of today.  Tomorrow I will get the condo back into order and clean while Hubby is at work.  Didn’t mean to rant soo much.  Hope everyone has a great gamble free day!!  Take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15180
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Liz! Well good for you for saying no. We all know that you love that little guy dearly, so no one would ever say that it was because you didn’t want him there. Nice that his Dad showed up and you all had dinner together and played some board games before they left. So it seems that your daughter traded one addiction for another. If she is compulsively shopping, she isn’t going to save any money while staying at your place.  Maybe she has a large debt load from all that shopping, like credit card debt. Maybe she’s on the way to becoming a hoarder as well. Maybe it’s time to stop enabling her. You could make it clear to her that you don’t think that her moving to your place would work for either of you, but that you would be willing to take care of your grandson till she can establish a place of her own. She seems to have a lot of friends. Maybe she can go stay with them and save money. Having your grandson is more than a fulltime job, and I know I couldn’t do it due to age, fatigue, etc. Why can’t she sell some of her "stuff" and get the money for a damage deposit and first month’s rent. It’s all about choices! Seems like she cares more about her "stuff" than her son. That’s very sad!  Some might see taking in your grandson as enabling, but I see it as protecting him. Your daughter ***** to start taking responsibility for herself and she won’t do that until she is forced to, or refuses to do it. I had my first baby at 19 too and I was far from the perfect single Mom, but it is what it is. Your daughter has to deal with her issues and move on, just like the rest of us. My 2 cents Liz! Carole

    • #15181
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole!!!  I totally agree and get what you are saying. We all have to make our own choices. I feel like I have been protecting my Grandson all of his life. And that will not stop. I have been enabling her in ways, and I can stop that.  I feel I must and this is the time to for me to start. I am off to a slow start this morning.  Need to get some things done around here.  Need more caffine!!LOL!!!  Have a good gamble free day everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15182
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Wow, I slept real good last night.  Yeah, I’ve had some sleepless nights lately.  I am going to do some shopping today.  It looks like we are going to have some rain.  Nothing else going on here. I hope everyone has a great gamble free day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15183
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am having trouble sleeping.  I am soo filled with anger right now!!  To make a long story short, my Hubby is friends with the man who is leasing the condo next door to us.  The man upstairs from us has just recently got on the board (HOA), and it has gone to his head.  He has it out for our next door neighbor, don’t know why. And he started a nasty rumur about him. I stood up for the guy as I know he is *****. So, because of me standing up for him and my Husband being friends with him, he and his wife are no longer talking to us.  I am fine with that because the guy is arrogant and insulting.  But he has a son 2 years older than my Grandson and they like to play together.  Well, now he is not letting his child play with him. I tried to explain to my little guy that sometimes adults act more like children that children do.  Anyways, it’s a bad situation. Why do people have to act soo crazy??  It’s just hurting the children.  I need to release this anger and move on.  Thanks for listening and if you have any suggestions about how to handle this situation please feel free to post!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15184
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Went to my Grandson’s school’s open house this afternoon with his Parents.  I like his teacher, she seems very caring and kind.  This is a new school for him and I really liked it.  He starts on Monday, so we have a few days to spend some time together doing fun stuff.  Everyone had dinner at our house.  I can’t wait for summer to be over as it was 115% here today.  Way too hot!!  Going to bed, tired.  Hope everyone had a great gamble free day!!!  Take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15185
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I had a good day with my Grandson. We went out for lunch, pizza, and played games there.  He is starting school on Monday.  It is soo hot here it’s hard to be out there too long.  Trying to find things to do inside.  Said NO again to my Daughter today.  She wanted me to bring my Grandson home when she got home from work, as she had a long day and was tired. It was rush hour time and she lives a good 25 mins from me.  I told her to pick him up on her way home.  She only had to get off the freeway and go 10 mins out of her way.  Hey, it felt good saying NO!  Guess what, I was tired too!! Being the people pleaser, letting others walk all over me is going to stop.  Yeah!!!  Hope everyone had a great gamble free day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15186
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Glad to see the site is up and running again!!!  I spent the day with my Grandson. He is starting 1st grade on Monday, how exciting.  The time is flying by way too fast!!!  Tired, going to bed soon.  Hope everyone had a great gamble free day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15187
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Got up early and took some DVD’s back and ran a few errands before it gets too hot here.  Hubby came home early from work, Saturday is a slow day.  I wasn’t too happy to see him.  I don’t have any feelings towards him anymore.  His drinking and lack of consideration towards me or anyone has done a number on me.  I care about him as a human being but I don’t have any intimate feeling towards him.  It is like living with a roommate.  I finally said it, I have been holding this in for sometime now.  Wow, it feels great to say how I really feel.  Tomorrow, I am going to spend the day with my Sister and oldest Nephew. Maybe we can go out for lunch.  My diet hasn’t been too successful, one day I’m good the next day I blow it!!! I haven’t been able to go to Curve’s for 3 weeks as I have been watching my Grandson while his parents work.  Monday, I will start back on my exercising regime.  I know that will get me motivated and hopefully I can stay on course. I have tons of gambling urges today!!!  I am trying soo hard not to act on them.  I need to stay busy and remember the aftermath of gambling.  Take care everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15188
      trulyshi
      Συμμετέχων

      Welcome to the roommate club Lizbeth.  I’ve been living that way for a long time now.  It takes some getting used to but I’ve found that when you recognize the fact that the love and desire is gone it also takes away a bit of the anger and I’m able to cope better.  I didn’t realize that school was starting already, I thought it didn’t start until the first week of September.  You and I are in like situations since we’re both living with someone who has their own addictions.  Just remember to keep taking care of yourself.  Debbie

    • #15189
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Vera and ican for your posts.  My Hubby had his second round of chemo today.  His white cell ***** went up and the platelets went down, but not enough to stop the chemo.  He goes in for a ct-scan in 2 weeks, if the tumor has shrunk he will have his 3rd round of chemo, if not, he isn’t doing any more chemo.  He got a prescription for some cough medicine with codine.  Hopefully, he will have some relief tonight and we will get some sleep.  He is also experiencing some shortness of breath, which goes along with the lung cancer.  It was a long day and we were glad to get home.  One of the nurses gave him a homemade quilt (throw) to bring with him while he gets chemo.  He really appreciated it as he is cold all the time.  The 2 chemo rooms were full today with people getting treatment.  We talked to some nice people and they had us laughing, it made the 3 hours go by more quickly. Ican, I have been to the lung cancer support group only once, but I am going to go back as the people there were very nice and supportive.  Thanks to you all for your support.  I will never be able to tell you how much it means to me.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15190
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hubby stayed home today, as he is very tired. (from the chemo)  He didn’t cough as much with the new medicine.  I am going out today to fill up the truck’s gas tank and then to the store to pick up some jucies and soups.  Take care everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15191
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth, so glad that your hubby had a good sleep without coughing, and I am sure it let you get a better sleep as well. Take care and have a gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15192
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks cat, Both my Husband and I slept well last night.  I think the codine is knocking him out as I checked on him this morning and he was really sleeping hard.  I went this morning and gased up the truck and did some shopping at Walmart. It was soo nice just to get out of the house and I didn’t have to rush.  One of our neighbors came over and visited with my Husband while I was gone.  I don’t like to leave him alone for long as he is soo weak and sometimes unstable on his feet. He has a walker and cane to use, but doesn’t most of the time.  We talked and agreed that his driving days are over.  He is accepting his limitations more and I think is out of the denial stage.  I know this is very hard on him.  He didn’t have any side effects with the first dose of chemo, and soo far isn’t having any with the second dose. We have the anti nausea ***** if he ***** them.  I guess he is more fatigued today. I thought of gambling today as it was payday for both of us.  Instead, I paid the bills, ect…  I did spluge on a top (clearance for $5) when I went shopping. I am not going to throw away our money at the casino as we need to hold on to every bit we have.  I will not gamble today!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15193
      neva
      Συμμετέχων

      You deserve something for yourself!  Hope that new top feels good and makes you happy! Sounds like you had a good day and you kept it ‘good’ by not gambling.  ******!!

    • #15194
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks neva for the post.  I couldn’t sleep last night, kept waking up.  Hubby is sleeping much better with the new medicine.  I did get away for a few hours yesterday and it did help.  But I woke up realizing that this week was a tough one.  Hubby only worked 6 hours this week and he is starting to go down mentally and physically.  He couldn’t remember a women’s name who has lived in our condo complex for years.  He kept on calling her Jackie, and no Jackie has ever lived here.  When I said her real name, he still didn’t remember, I could have said any name.  He was in a angry **** again yesterday and refused to eat.  It is soo hard to see someone you care for deteriating right in front of you.  I am taking care of everything now, him, our finances, house, cars.  It is overwhelming.  I pray for God to help me have the strength to get through this and not lose my mind.  We see the Dr. again in 2 weeks and I am asking for him to put the order in for hospice.  I think I need help.  I did feel like gambling and to be honest, I want to gamble right now.  But I don’t have the money, and I know it is just a fast fix for alll the emotional stuff I am going through.  It is not the answer!  Today, I need to get a new battery put in the truck and it ***** a reall good cleaning. I need to ask anyone out there that has been in my situation (with Hubby’s health).  Did you ever feel resentful of the situation? Sometimes, I just want to get as far away as I can.  I am not going to gamble today!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15195
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth:  First let me say that I am so sorry for what you and your husband are enduring right now.  You are being incredibly strong.  Please stay that way and avoid gambling because you truly need to feel all the emotions that you are feeling right now.  It will help with the healing process eventually.  You asked if anyone had felt resentful as a caregiver.  I have not personally gone through this with my husband, but my mother-in-law spent the last two years caring for my father in law who had cancer as well.  He went through a massive amount of emotions and LOTS of anger, also refusing to eat and chasing my mother in law away when she wanted to assist.  She had to get away, and often, so she accepted the help of everyone in the family who offered help.  Sometimes, she went away for whole weekends with her siblings, so she could feel a bit normal again.  What you’re going through is SO hard … a real test of your strength.  You will only get through it in one piece if you take extremely good care of yourself.  The saying that you can’t care for anyone unless you care for yourself first is very, very true in this situation.  You are not being selfish if you need time away, remember that.  Take the hospice care, get family, friends, neighbours … anyone at all to help so that you can have a few "normal" hours as often as you can.  I will remember you and your husband in my prayers.  Love, RG

    • #15196
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Lizbeth, a close friend of mine is going through something similar to you right now.  Her daughter is at the pallative stage of her cancer. She is living with her, her daughter’s husband and their 11 month old twins. I know that my friend said it is trying sometimes as her daughter can be difficult to live with, on top of that she is looking after the babies so it is a very difficult time for her.  I know that she ***** time away just to regroup and get away from it all so it sounds quite normal what you are going through. I don’t think any of us can appreciate or understand what it is like unless we have gone through it or lived it.  It is different for someone to go and visit for an hour or so as we then go back to our own life.  However, to be continually in that environment must be so challenging for you.  I think the anger thing for the person with the cancer is normal as well, as my friend’s daughter is like that as well. Although she has been having lots of pain and that obviously has an impact as well.  One thing I would suggest is spend as much time as possible with your little Grandson as it is amazing how the little ones can lift your spirits. I will remember you and your hubby in my prayers.  Look after yourself Lizbeth as this is a very emotional time and grab all the help and support that you can to get you through!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15197
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hey Lizbeth
      It is very challenging being a carer. You need to definately take time out for you for some relaxation. If you dont you will go insane.. It is normal to need time away. Then you are in a much healthier frame of mind when you return for both yourself and your hubby. Can you do something really nice, get your hair done or something that is special and relaxing to you. Take time out with a book, movie, fave food. Thinking of you and think you are going through something really huge!!
      P

    • #15198
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks RG, Cat, and P for your posts today.  Thanks for your replys, I will take care of myself and I don’t have a problem asking other’s in my support group eg, family, friends, for help so I can get away.  Just getting out does help me from going insane. I have that superwoman complex, but this is not the time, and I realize that.  Cat, I really feel for your friend and her daughter.  That must be soo hard caring for her daughter and 11 month old twins.  God bless her!! Hubby is having a hard day, he is sleeping again.  My neighbor put a new battery and windshield wipers on the truck for me today.  Since I will be driving it for awhile till I can get my car repaired I need it top shape.  I took it to the car wash and cleaned it real good, and my neighbor came and visited with Hubby.  I got a call this afternoon from my Husband’s co-worker.  He locked himself out of the building and needed back in.  I drove down and let him in with Hubby’s keys.  I guess my Husband having lung cancer has caused him to stop smoking.  He has been 3 weeks smoke free now.  That almost made me cry, that is a good, positive thing to come out of his illness. RG- I do feel like I am being tested.  We live in a condo, and have a condo above us.  In the last month, they have had 2 pipes burst, which caused flooding in our condo.  It caused minimal damage, which is being fix, but a big mess to deal with.  Then my car breaking down.  But that is life, you have to deal with it and move on.  P, I will take your advice and get a pedicure next week, it’s been awhile.  I have to get my mammagram, and physical next week.  I thought of putting them off, but I need to take care of my health and that would be crazy to put them off. It is 84% here today, beautiful.  I am going to sit outside and get some sun, that always makes me feel better.  Take care everyone.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15199
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today is a good day.  The weather here is lovely, 76% and overcast.  Hubby just grilled some hamburgers.  It has been a long time since he’s grilled.  It’s something he has always enjoyed doing.  I am finishing up laundry and cleaned up a little around here.  Going to vegg the rest of the day.  Hope everyone is having a great gamble free day!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15200
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I drove my Husband to work today.  He wanted to try and work, so I took him.  It was soo said to watch him struggle to get in the truck and move slowly up the steps to his workplace. I don’t know what to do as there is no book or guide to tell you what you are supposed to do when someone you love is terminally ill.  He wants to have a purpose and his job has been a big part of his life.  I understand, but when is it enough?   Last week, he worked 6 hours.  Today he was animated that he try to work.  I guess, it will be a day to day decision, and at some point he will just be unable to go.  This is really hard.  I am going through alot of emotions right now, loneliness, depression, anger, grief, isolation.  I can’t even begin to understand what must be going through his mind.  I need to remember to be kind, loving, and happy for the time we have now.  My oldest Daughter and Grandson came over for dinner last night.  Hubby was glad to see them.  It help me too, to have family around.  This is a journey I must travel, and hopefully I will learn something from it. It would be easy for me to gamble now, but I have made sure that monies have gone to pay bills. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15201
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Just got back from taking Grandson to school.  He spent the night and it does help having him around.  We laugh alot and that’s good.  Hubby was exhasted from work yesterday and is still sleeping.  The last 10 days, I have seen a dramatic decline.  He is sleeping more, barely eating, and moving real slow.  There has also been a decline in his mental health, he acts confused alot.  We need to schedule the lung ct-scan before his next chemo on the 21st of this month.  Then it’s time for hospice.  I tell him everything that is going on, example going on hospice, but I don’t know how much he is understanding.  We talked about retirement, and he agreed it was almost time.  Retirement takes 2 to 3 months from start to finish.  He has enough paid leave to cover 5 weeks as he has used alot already.  We should have the money from the insurance policy around then or a little later.  We will manage somehow and make it through.  One day and one step at a time is how we live.  I am not having urges today to gamble.  I nee to make some phone calls and run a few errands.  Take care everyone and have a great gamble free day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15202
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this. I can only imagine as I have worked with caregivers and it is lonely, stressful, and isolating for them. I’m amazed that you aren’t stressed out all of the time. It’s a challenge to manage everything concerning your life together as well as your husband dying before your eyes, and I suspect that you don’t have the time or luxury to deal with your own feelings at this time. You are doing what ***** to be done and I commend you for being able to keep it together. You are an amazing woman with a lot of strength. Carole

    • #15203
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for your supportive post.  Friends (like you) and family members are really helping me stay strong by the support and posiive thoughts that you are sending me.  My youngest daughter came for a visit today.  It was good to have her here.  Hubby has always had a soft spot in his heart for her. She kept it together until she left the room and lost it.  It had been 2 weeks since she had seen him last and she was upset on how he has deterioated. Both of the girls are coming around more, and it is good for us and them. His CT-scan is scheduled for the 14th of this month. So, we will know more about how the tumor is reacting to the chemo then.  He has slept most of the day. He had a ice cream sandwich today.  I don’t care what he eats as long as he eats something.  It is really strange, as he has never had a sweet tooth and now he loves sweets.  Carole, I am trying to deal with my feelings as I try to go online to a cancer support group when I can. I can’t fall apart now, there is soo much to do.  I have my moments, usually at night when he is sleeping and I’m alone,  usually when we’ve had a bad day.  It isn’t going to get better only worse.  I’m sure when it is all over, the feeling will surface and I will need grief counceling.  My oldest daughter brought over a few books for me on grief which I found really enlightening.  I am tired today, going to see if I can take a nap.  Take care everyone.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15204
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      ((((Lizbeth)))) sometimes what we need more than words is a hug so hope that this one reaches you through cyberspace.  I know my friend’s daughter is "living with cancer" not "dieing with cancer" and one thing she said that really had an impact on me was "After crying for days once she was told there was no treatments that the only thing she had control over was how she spent the time she hass".  I just thought what strength.  My heart aches for her and her family.  The same as it does for your and your family.  Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.  Enjoy the gift of every day that you have with your hubby!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15205
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for the hugs.  People don’t know what to say to you when it involves CANCER.  Some***** a hug can carry you on, especially when you are havinga bad day.  I’ve been up since 4:30, waking Hubby up so he could try to go to work.  He is too tired, he is still sleeping.  I don’t know if the quality of his life is that great as he sleeps most of the time.  The one thing that I am very thankful for is that he is not experiecing any pain. I got my yearly mammagram and they already e-mailed me saying that everything looks fine.  Thank God!  My oldest Daughter came by yesterday after work and brought a picture of my Husband and Grandson from our vacation last summer.  They are standing on the beach with the ocean behind them.  She blew it up to a 8 by 10.  So, I put it in a frame and it is sitting on his dresser.  I am also grateful that my oldest Daughter completed a rehab stay recently and is going to outpatient counceling 3 ***** a week, 3 hours each time, after work.  She is also going to support group meetings 3 nights a week.  I think that this time she is really serious about staying off the *****. This time I see a difference in her, a light shining all around her.  So, I do have positives in my life and hope.  Hope everyone has a great gamble free day!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15206
      sherrie
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizbeth it’s humbling to read your updates. I admire that you look around you and see the positives during what must be a difficult time. You inspire me.
      Sherrie
      xoxoxox

    • #15207
      reds2
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Liz –
      I have had some problems accessing this site so couldn’t send you a message fo a long time, although I wanted to.  You have been much in my thoughts, I admire your positive outlook.  I cannot imagine how difficult it is to be facing the challenges you are.  I hope you have good family support from friends and family so you can look after yourself.  I wish I could be there to help out.  Hugs to you, take care..
      reds

    • #15208
      icandothis
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth, Sending you prayers of comfort.  I remember, too, being aware and appreciative of the simple things of life that surrounded me as my mother was dying.  One such thing, was a family of swans that were swimming in the lake we could see from my mother’s hospital room.  Every day I looked forward to seeing the swans swim by.  After she ****, someone sent us a sympathy card with a picture of a lake filled with swans.  I also found a picture of a swan in a National Geographic magazine that was in flight.  I glued that picture to the image of the swimming swans.  The flying swan represented my mother moving on to a better place…free from this world and moving on to the next…for me it was a comforting, beautiful image, not unlike the picture of your husband and grandson.  An image representing life.  No matter what, we can always cherish and honor life.  I am honored that you are sharing these moments of your life with us, Lizbeth.  God bless you and your family.

    • #15209
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Sherrie, Reds, and Ican for your caring posts.  Both of the girls are coming around more to spend time with us.  My youngest came tonight with a miniture pink rose bush that we are going to plant and some ice cream sandwiches as that has become one thing that my Hubby will eat. Her and I were sitting outside and she broke down crying because he has lost soo much weight in the last 2 weeks.  I told her to look at the positive that he wasn’t in pain.  It is a blessing.  I was coming home from the Dr’s today and a old Michael Jackson song came on the radio," You are not alone.  I cried all the way home. " I started journaling when we found out he had cancer.  It helps me to get my emotions and feeling out and when he passes I will have those memories down on paper.  This bad thing has brought my family closer together and for that I am grateful. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15210
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi lizbeth,
      I wanted you to get this info, caring for the caregiver
      http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/
      Thinking about you
      bettie
       

    • #15211
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Lisbeth,
      Lifes problems seem small compared to what you and your family are going through.  When someone is dying the stress and constant worry is horrific, life seems to come to a stand still and yet others around us keep on living and doing the same things we always did.  I am so pleased to read of your daughters progress in her own recovery.  It seems your family is coming together, which can be such a blessing.  Lizbeth, i cant do much but i want you to  know that i think of you almost every day.  
      You are an amazing woman, i am honoured and blessed to know you.
      Im happy to read your husband is pain free.  Remember to be kind to yourself,  you are going through this too.
      Love to you,
      Kathryn *****
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #15212
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Bettie for the info, and thanks to both you and Kathryn for keeping us in your thoughts.  Thanks to everyone here for your support and thoughts as it helps me to stay strong.  Grandson spent the night and his allergies are horrible.  He is staying home with us today.  Hubby coughed alot last night and is still sleeping.  I am going to have to wake him in a few hours as we still haven’t received that packet from the insurance co.  I think it may have been missent. What a hassel, but something that we are ******** on to keep us going financially at some point when Hubby runs out of vacation time and sick leave, appx. 6 weeks. As retirement takes 3 months to complete.  I asked Human resources if they could speed up hs retirement under the circumstances.  And of course they said no.  I am not asking for special treatment as I don’t think he will be here in 3 months.  After 34 years with the same company, I guess he is just a body to them.  Also, someone he works with (only 6 of them and they’ve been together for 15 years) complained to the supervisor that he wasn’t doing one function of his job.  So, the last time we saw the Dr., I asked him for a note, and he said that he didn’ want him dealing with the public anyways because of the risk of infection.  I retired from the same company and I always went out of my way to help co workers who were ill, or had terminal illnesses.  Shame on them!  Kathryn you are soo right, when I am here with Hubby, it’s like we are in our own world, isolated, and when I go to the store, ect… people are rushing around, living life.  It is like our life has come to a stand still.  Every moment has become important.  I haven’t been thinking of gambling the last few days.  So much going on here.  Take care everyone and have a great gamble free day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15213
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! Hard to believe the insensitivity of some people in your husband’s workplace! Sorry that you have to go through that. Being forced to quit a job and go into "retirement" is a huge loss for most men. When a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness, there are many losses that occur along the way for that person. I have heard the uncontrollable coughing of people diagnosed with lung cancer. As tragic as my brother’s death was, it did reconcile many family of origin relationships. I had had no contact with my mother for almost two decades. We now have a friendly relationship. It’s good to hear that your daughter is seeking recovery, and that you’ve all become closer. That was the silver lining in my brother’s death. Carole  

    • #15214
      pumkin113b
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi ((Lizbeth)). All I can say is thank you for your kindness, caring and compassion for me while you are going through such a rough time. Reading what you are dealing with and then realizing that you took time to reply to my post —– it shows what a special person you truly are. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  Pumkin

    • #15215
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole and Pumkin for your posts.  Today is not a good day for Hubby. I had to call the Doctor and get some pain meds for him as he is experiencing abdomenial pain. My Newphew and Daughter’s boyfriend came and hauled off my old living room sectional couch, and my car. I am going to put the hopital bed in the living room so he has the large picture window to look out of.  Mt Daughter’s boyfriend is a mechanic and he told me he would fix my car for the parts, no labor charges.  He told me I could pay him when I had the money.  He told me not to say no as he wanted to do this for me.  I was soo thankful!!!  Carole, I hope the person at the workplace who complained about my Hubby, never has to experience the things my Hubby has.  He is never going back to work, and that was a large part of his life.  It is heartbreaking to watch. He does cough uncontrollably, especially at night.  The prescription cough medicine doesn’t help anymore.  I have to prop him up with ******* and he sleeps upright.  Please pray for us!  I know it isn’t going to get better.  Pumkin, I always have time to post to you.  You are in my thoughts.  Take care of yourself. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15216
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth:  I will pray for peace and comfort for your husband.  And I’m wishing strength for you and the ability to lean on those who can and want to help.  I think that it’s lovely that your daughter’s boyfriend insisted on helping you.  Just say yes … to every offer of help.  It’s what my MIL did and what kept her sane in the two years of helping my FIL.  I hope your husband has a lovely view from the picture window and that the sun shines on him every day.  Love, RG

    • #15217
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks RG, i will stop being soo stubborn and accept other’s help.  My oldest Daughter is spending the afternoon with us.  Her boss lost his Mother to lung cancer, so he is very understanding and told my Daughter she could have any time off work to be with her Dad.  It took 2 trips to the pharmacy to get Hubby’s pain meds.  The weather here is terrible.  Severe rain, wind, and hail.  He took his new heartburn medicine and the pain pill and is ***** down.  I am hopeful that this will give him some relief.  I have nothing to sit on in my living room.  Was going to go to a second hand store and try to find a loveseat or recliner.  My Sister called and her work is having their annual garage sale, and it’s always a big one.  She is going to see what they have and give me a call.  All I have to do is go get it and my Daughter and her boyfriend said they would go over this weekend and pick up the loveseat or recliner for me!!! It seems like people are coming forward to help us, and I deeply appreciate it!!!  Take care everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15218
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Lizbeth, I asked my friend whose daughter has cancer (she has pallative care nurses come in daily to help with pain meds etc.,) how she manages to deal with it.  She said that she deals with it one day at a time.  She gets up in the morning and depending how her daughter is dictates what will happen that day.  Her daughter may be able to go out for an hour or so or she may spend her day lieing on the couch. I know that her daughter is in pain as I can see it in her face.  I can also see how she is spaced out at ***** with the pain meds.  She is fighting to enjoy every day that she has.  On top of this my friend is looking after the twins who will be one year old this month. The other grandparents took the babies for a few nights and I know that my friend told me she had to get out the house today. I suppose what I am saying is that she is the carer, although her daughter has a husband, and she ***** a break from being the carer. I know you mentioned just going out and doing something helped give you a break, please take as many breaks as you can.    Family and friends want to help as they feel so helpless and want to help lighten your load, so accept all the help that anyone offers. It is so wonderful that your daughters and son-in-law are helping. Thinking of you and saying a prayer for you and your family. One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15219
      neva
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizabeth, I’m sorry to hear that your husband’s co-worker was complaining. That is shocking that they wouldn’t have compassion and do what they can to help him. But, it sounds like you have good people in your life too.  Hope the furniture brightens your life a little and your car gets fixed and running like new.  Has your husband signed up for SS disability?  I’m not sure how that works but I know people on it that aren’t disabled and could be working.  If they got on it, your husband should definitely benefit from it.  Hugs to you Liz.  Sherry

    • #15220
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts Cat and neva.  I got my car back and I am soo happy.  It is soo much easier to get my Hubby in than the truck.  I bought a shower chair and assisted my Hubby with a shower today.  I checked for the beginings of bed sore and found none.  Thank goodness!!  I gave him a nice back massage.  My Sister and youngest Nephew came over last night to visit.  I am getting a bigger support group and I am thankful!  Neva, SS disability takes awhile to get, on the average 1 to 2 years.  I know of people on it who don’t deserve it also. Hubby was coughing up a little blood this morning so I called the on call Doctor.  He said to make sure he takes the cough medicine every 4 hours and that this is common with lung cancer. He is resting now.  He did sleep well last night with the pain meds. So, the coughing has settled down for now.  Going to finish some laundry.  Didn’t think about gambling today!!  Take care everyone!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15221
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Very tired today.  Didn’t sleep much last night as Hubby was coughing alot and medicine didn’t work.  He has slept most of the day.  I have him up and sitting on the patio.  He has eaten 2 spoonfuls od applesauce.  My Mom called today and is coming down at the end of the month to stay 5 days to help.  She asked if she would be in the way.  I would appreciate her help and company.  As the garage sell didn’t have hardly any furniture, my Sister called and said she was looking for 2 recliners for me.  She is also coming by Thursday, her day off, to bring lunch and spend some time with us.  Carole, I think you are right, this sad event may bring my family back together.  Something positive has to happen from this heartbreak!! Oldest Daughter and Grandson are coming over for dinner and then she has a support meeting for a hour. I will have some special time with him.  Hanging in there is all I can say.  No thoughts about gambling today. Hope everyone had a great gamble free day.  Sorry that I am not contributing to other’s post much, I do care but never seem to have the time.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15222
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! It’s good to see that your family is rallying around you and your husband. A suggestion may be to use some of the time that family is visiting to get out and recharge your emotional batteries, or simply to nap, so that you don’t get sick yourself from the stress of caregiving. You are very competent and that is not a sign of weakness to look after yourself. You can’t do it all yourself. I know that because I have worked with many palliative clients and their families. One of the things that happens with terminally ill people in the progression of their disease is anorexia. The person loses interest in eating. My mother-in-law would get angry if family members tried to force her to eat, so they finally stopped making her eat. I think of you every day on this journey you and hubby are on. Carole  

    • #15223
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for the post and very interesting about the anorexia.  Thanks for thinking about us, it helps me alot.  A neighbor sat with Hubby this morning so I could drop the insurance papers off at the Drs.  Well, he is on vacation this week, so I will bring them back next Monday.  I didn’t want them ***** around for a week to get lost.  Another roadblock!!  That’s what it feels like!  I feel like I am really being tested, everyday.  I know there is something I need to learn from this. Hubby is doing about the same, sleeping alot, and eating hardly anything.  My Family is being awesome.  Daughter brought him 3 new bed ******* and a back pad that heats up and massages.  We are hanging in there.  Grandson will be here this afternoon and will be spending the night.  My bright star in all of this!!!  Take care everyone and have a great gamble free day.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15224
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      I am sorry for what you are going through and i am thankful that in your time of hardship you are posting to me wishing me good thoughts. I knew someone going through the anorexia thing, they wouldnt eat when their illness progressed but they did manage to have some really thin chocolate. High in calories and was at least something. They seemed to like this because they couldnt get the food down but managed with little bits of chocolate. Happy you have your grandson, children and animals always lift the spirits i think. I love them.
      P

    • #15225
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Lizbeth, I think of you often and I am so glad to read that your family is supporting you and your hubby at this difficult time.  I hate cancer and the pain and suffering that it causes to anyone who has it. I brought a silever bracelet for my daughter’s friend that says **** cancer, it looks lovelyand was designed by someone who had cancer and some of the money goes to cancer research.  I may be feeling a bit more emotional about what you are going through right now because of my friend’s daughter.  She is in pallative care right now to get her pain under control.  I pray that your hubby does not suffer too much pain and they are able to control it.  One day at a time Lizbeth that is all any of us can do.One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15226
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P and Cat for your posts.  My Husband **** this afternoon.  He had a sizure and was taken to the emergency room.  I decided I wanted to have hospice, and the hospice nurse came and we got all the paperwork done and he was transported to hospice.  When he was transfered to his bed at hospice he took his last breath.  It was a shock as he went soo fast, he was diagnoised in January.  My oldest Daughter was with me and we sat with him for awhile.  At least he didn’t die in the ER.  The social worker at hospice helped us make the arrangements for cremation and is helping us with grief support.  I have my family around me, my Mom, Sister, 2 Daughters, Nephew, and friends.  I am tired and numb right now.  But I have been grieving since we first found out he was sick.  Thanks to all here for your support, and prayers.  He is not suffering anymore!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15227
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth. Im so sorry for the loss of your husband. You can be proud you were with him in this journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
      P

    • #15228
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Lizbeth))), my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15229
      icandothis
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizbeth, I am so sorry.  That must have been a shock.  I am glad, at least you were able to get hospice involved, and he didn’t die in ER.   I hope they provide some comfort.  From my family’s experiences, I can’t say enough good things about hospice.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. 

    • #15230
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I’m sorry to hear that your husband ****. I hope that you can take comfort in the fact that you provided him with loving care in the past months, since he was diagnosed. And also that he didn’t linger suffering. He is at peace now, free of pain and worry. As Vera said, it was wonderful that he passed from this life surrounded with people who loved him. Numbness is a gift at this time while you complete paperwork that ***** to be completed, so that you can move on to this next chapter of your life, as you grieve your loss. I told Danny that your husband had ****, and he asked me if I wanted to go stay with you. I told him that you would have family surrounding you, and that you would have much paperwork to attend to. But know that I am thinking about you. Carole 

    • #15231
      velvet
      Συντονιστής

      Dear Lizbeth
      I have no words but my thoughts and prayers are with you tonight and will be every day in the coming weeks.
      Look after yourself. 
      Velvet

    • #15232
      paul315
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Lizbeth, I too am sorry for your loss. In ***** of adversities the best words I can think of is Mercy, Mercy, Mercy; may God have mercy on his soul and on all that share in your grief.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #15233
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Dearest Lizbeth,
      I am so so sorry for your loss. I remember praying day and night for my brothers recovery until the call came that he had taken a turn. I then prayed God take him quickly and in His Infinate Grace he did so.
      thinking of you and yours,
      bettie

    • #15234
      trulyshi
      Συμμετέχων

      So sorry to hear your news Lizbeth, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.  Big hug from Canada.  Debbie

    • #15235
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks everyone for your kind posts. Today my family helped me get alot of things done around the house.  I am feeling numb and haven’t been able to sleep since my Husband passed.  I am tired now and think that I can finally sleep. My Grandson hasn’t been told as he has been sick with a cold.  Tomorrow, his parents, along with the social worker from hospice are telling him.  Carole, tell Danny thanks for thinking of me. I walked around this evening feeling like I was lost.  Almost 29 years together.  I am startng a new chapter of my life.  I have no regrets, and I was glad to be with him at the end.  Going to bed. Thanks again everyone!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15236
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth, you have been through so much since I last was on your post. I hope you are managing to get a little sleep and things are starting to become more bearable. You are very much in my thoughts and prayers.Life is too short to be anything but happy!!

    • #15237
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hanging in there!!  Dealing with alot!!  My condo was broken into! Car is still messing up, waiting for money to fix it! It seems like everything wrong is happening right now.  I did accomplish alot the last few days, I picked up my Husband’s ashes, a very hard thing to do, and I finished all the paperwork for his benefits and everything was faxed and mailed off.  It feels like alot of burden was lifted off my shoulders.  Surviving and keeping the faith!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15238
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Oh Lizbeth!
      I hope you were not home when the break in happened!
      "What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger"-ha! You must be Superwoman by now!
      bettie

    • #15239
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Yes Bettie, thankfully I wasn’t home at the time. In the 20 years we have lived here, we have never had this happen.  There are only 34 units here.  We have only one owner, who lives right next to me that has caused any issues.  The police were called the night before my break-in due to her Brother whom lives with her.  I think this was retaliation.  He thinks I called the police. Since no one saw anything, nothing could be done.  The police told him to leave me alone and that they would kindly be back if they were called. Everyone that lives here is aware of what’s going on and it has been real quite next door. Anyways, my front window is being replaced today.  The insurance is taking care of the things that were ******.  I am in a better place mentally today to deal with it.  My councelor from hospice said alot of people exerience things going bad or wrong when they are greiving.  I feel like I have had my share, and I’m ready to move on from it.  Today was a little better!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15240
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      Such an awful thing to happen to you at this time. Was very sad to hear that. Like you need more stress right now. Glad you are hanging in there. Be kind to you Lizbeth. Lots here care about you
      P

    • #15241
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts and support.  I am soo lucky to have friends here who care.  I have had alot of support from my Mom as we talk on the phone daily, otherwise my family has not been very supportive.  It doesn’t suprise me, but it hurts.  Some family members were disappointed when they didn’t receive anything of my Husband’s.  It’s not like we are rich and have alot.  My Husband was a simple man, never interested in material things.  I feel like this is inappropriate behavior on their part.  I have friends who have been more supportive and caring than family members.  I am lucky to have them!!! I feel like I am mentally stronger.  I didn’t want to make any large purchases with the money that I am getting from my Husband’s benefits, as I wanted to take my time deciding what to do with it.  It looks like I am going to need a different vehicle, as mine ****, I don’t think it is worth fixing as it is going to cost alot.  Alot to think about!!!!  I live close to stores, banks, ect… soo I can walk till I can get a different car.  Friends have offered rides also. So, I am hanging in there, trying to do the best I can. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15242
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth, what a truly horrible experience when you are already dealing with so much. You seem to be so strong in how you are dealing with everything, but I’m sure you must feel overwhelmed at *****. You have been a huge support to so many people on here, you deserve support now. People can be insensitive at *****, but I also learned that when we are grieving we can perceive things differently, so go easy on family members..you are all grieving! Keep strong and as Vera says take your time with any changes.. Remembering you in my prayersLife is too short to be anything but happy!!

    • #15243
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Vera and Sad for the posts!!  Sad, I am talking about the same family members who have let me down time after time.  I don’t know why I thought they would be different now.  It is what it is!!!!  Today, I’m walking to the mall and looking around, need to get out!!  The weather is beautiful here!!!  Take care everyone.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15244
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Ach I know exactly what you mean Lizbeth. I kinda have no expectations of people anymore, which is strange cos I know so many wonderful people! Glad to hear you are out and about. I am being so silly and sensitive today because of a dishonest person on ebay who has left me quite slanderous feedback. I am taking it most personal and can’t seem to get past it. I am sure there is a lesson there somewhere for me, but can’t identify it.. Maybe it’s to let things go.. But I can’t. So if I was a bit preachy forgive me.. I even feel let down by complete strangers I will never see!!! Keep strong Lizbeth!!Life is too short to be anything but happy!!

    • #15245
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Sad, I value what you have to say and I didn’t take it as being preachy!!  I did walk to the mall today but only made it to the grocery store.  I did get some exercise, which is what I needed.  I was talking to my Mom this afternoon and started crying about my Husband again, I miss him! I received mail today telling me that his employer had received the benefits package that I mailed on Monday and that they converted our health insurance into my name only and that they were expediting his monthly pension check for me.  That was good news!!! This is hard being without him.  I am getting through everday with support from people here and the hospice support groups I attend, and friends, and family.  I know it will get better with time. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15246
      neva
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizbeth, that’s terrible that anyone would break into your home.  I heard there are alarms you can buy that go inside your windows so if someone tries to open them, or break them, a loud noise or alarm goes off and scares them away.  It might be worth checking into unless you can afford a real security system.  You need to feel safe in your own home.
       

    • #15247
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth,
      My sister lost her husband in a tragic accident just over 2 years ago, one thing she said to me was that she would wait a year before making any major financial decisions.  I think its a good idea.  She has just returned from a 10week holiday around the world! 
      As for the break in…..how disgusting!  What a terrible thing to have to deal with.  Im glad you can vent here.  You are a very special woman and have shown amazing strength.  I am sending you (as my very good friend Meg says…) love and light, it always made me feel better seeing those words, so im sure Meg wont mind if i share……
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #15248
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth,
      I saw something reciently about people letting us down. I was a bit offended when they said we are to blame! Really? But it went on to say we set ourselves up for the dissapointment knowing that these people, for what ever reason, are unreliable but much like Charlie Brown letting Lucy hold the football, we repeat the same actions over and over with these people and expect a different result. Some people have good intentions but when push comes to shove they never seem to come through.
      I think this is a part of my cg "love of drama".
      I hope you are not offended by this post. When I started thinking about it, and people it applyed to, is really made perfect sense to me.
      I am learning to "protect" my feelings-and not trust others with them so much.
      Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
      bettie

    • #15249
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      No offense Bettie!!!  You are right!  I keep thinking certain family members will come through for me, especially in my Husband’s death.  Why did I think they would? They were never there for me before. Hopeful thinking on my part.  I realize that they are incapiable of this. I feel like I have to protect my feelings from them, not let them too close to me.  Kathryn, I am going to have to make some big financial decisions.  I am getting my car fixed, trading it in and buying a new one.  Also, I need to pay all of my Husband’s debt, medical bills, credit cards, ect… soo I can file the paperwork on the condo in 6 months to get it into my name.  I am talking to a financial adviser and a trusted friend about this, so I  am getting guidance. I am trying to make sound decisions. Neva, I am going to look into some kind of alarm for the condo.  In 20 years of living here we have never had our place broken into.  I really feel it is the person I think it is and he likes preying on women.  It has been quiet on the homefront the last few days.  I am getting ready to go on a walk to the post office and bank.  Take care everyone and have a good day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15250
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizbeth I have not posted on your page but I continue to pray for you to find strength and peace at this difficult time.  You are doing great and never be frightened to cry to get through this.  Your grieving will take time and there will be good days and bad days.  I know when my Dad lost my Mum he said that he could go out and do things during the day, but the hardest part was coming home to an empty house in the evening, and that he really missed her then. I am going to Ruth’s Celebration of Life Service today.  I believe it will help her hubby, mother and brother find closure.  It is the final tribute to an amazing young woman who showed such courage and dignity as she fought cancer.  She loved to laugh and never lost her sense of humour.  You continue to be in my thoughts (((Liz))) One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15251
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today is going to be a good day.  My Grandson is coming over after school  I am making dinner of spagetti and meatballs for him and his Dad .  Yesterday, I had some awesome news, my friend is coming for a visit.  I am reallly happy about that.  I have been keeping myself busy around the condo as not having a car can drive you nuts.  I slept pretty well last night.  I think I am dealing with my Husband’s death a little better now.  I miss him alot, but when I get real sad I think about the happy things we did, especially our last vacation, last June with our Grandson.  That always brings a smile!!  Take care everyone.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15252
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz, so happy to read your post that you are having a better day.  Awesome that your friend is coming to visit as it is something to look forward to.  And of course your little Grandson coming for dinner always makes you happy.  Wonderful that you are having happy memories of your hubby.  There will be good days and bad, and I believe when we lose someone we love there is a saying that it never gets better, but with time it gets easier.  Stay strong my friend.One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15253
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks cat for your post.  I  was with my Grandson for a few hours till Mom picked him up and I will see him again on Wednesday.  I think he is my saving grace.  He talks openly about how he feel about Papa dying, and how he misses him. No one else seems to relate or is as open as he. It brings me peace.  It has been raining here.  I am going to venture out today and walk to the post office, bank, and mall.  Taking my unbrella just in case. (not raining at the moment) Have a great day everyone!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15254
      neva
      Συμμετέχων

      Grandchildren are a blessing from above.  I’m sure your grandson appreciates you as much as you do him.

    • #15255
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I’ve been busy this morning doing my laundry and straightening up the condo.  I will see my Grandson this afternoon for a few hours.  Really looking forward to that.  I slept well last night.  The first time since my Husband’s death, even with sleeping *****. I think I was soo tired from walking around the mall yesterday that I just gonked out. I have had thoughts of gambling the last few days.  Crazy, right??  I am glad that I can’t act on those thoughts (no car), as that is the last thing I should do.  I know I am having these feelings as I want to escape from all the emotions that I am going through right now.  As soon as I have a car, I need to go back to GA, and continue working on my recovery. Otherwise, I am doing okay.  I am working through the greiving process and have joined a on line widow support group.  I have all the household bills paid for the month with some left for groceries.  I am thankful for all I have and thankful for all of my friends and support here at GT!  Have a great day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15256
      maverick.
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi lizbeth, I just wanted to say you should be proud of yourself, keep doing what you know works for you, you sound like a really strong women and I wish you all the very best in your recovery but also life, all we can ever do is take life one day at a time, take care and hope you dont mind me posting on your journal, wish you well love Maverick.

    • #15257
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Maverick, it was good to see your post and Vera, I am not going to gamble.  I walked down to the store and picked up 2 prescriptions and some groceries.  I woke up very early this morning, I think I will need a nap this afternoon.  Going a little stir crazy without a car, but I will get mine fixed as soon as I can.  Take care everyone!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15258
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I didn’t sleep well last night.  Getting depressed!!!  I am going to tear up my kitchen today and clean it thoroughly.  I need to stay busy.  I miss my Husband and feel soo lonely.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15259
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz, I don’t think anyone knows what it is like to lose their hubby/partner unless they go through it.  The impact of the loss of your hubby is felt more by you than anyone.  You are the one who is facing him not being there all the time.  As much as our loved ones may feel for us it is a different experience for them, as they go and they get caught up in their life.  You are the one whose life has been impacted more than anyone.  You are facing so may things now, going home to an empty home, not having to check in with someone, not hearing how his day went, someone to share how you feel with.  It is not longer Liz and hubby, it is a huge adjustment, plus missing him.  It will take time.  I know that we all grieve differently.  I find it tough sometimes as I want to talk about losing my grandbaby and other people deal with it by not talking.  I have to respect their way, but have to find a way to help me grieve to suit me.  I think the support group is a good outlet for you as if it is people who have gone through losing their partner and they understand more than anyone who has not gone through it.
      I am sure that you know all this stuff Liz, but I just want you to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.  As you know it is good days, bad days and all you can do is tke it one day at a time and be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.  Thinking of you!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15260
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts and support and caring thoughts.  I am finding my way through the grieving process.  Some days are good and others are bad.  Some days I cry and some days I don’t.  I think I am doing what I can do to help myself, support groups where I can talk about my loss and where others can relate and tell their stories.  A place where I can feel alright talking about my Husband.  I understand about others who have not lost a spouse not relating or tiring of me talking about him.  But my issues with certain family members is a lot deeper than what is happening right now.  These things have been going on for a long time. I don’t have the energy to deal with them right now.  Maybe down the road I can address how I feel and move on from there, with them in my life or not.  Everything is still new (32 days) without my Husband.  I am taking it one day at a time, one step at a time.  I know I will have to find a new path for myself without my Husband.  Yesterday, I did half of the kitchen: cleaning out cabinets, washing walls, blinds, windows.  Today, my goal is to finish it.  Trying to keep busy!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15261
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I fell asleep early last night and now I’m awake at 3:40am.  I fall asleep thinking of my Husband and I wake up thinking of my Husband.  I am kind of freaking out about the condo (and his daughter) and waiting for his benefits.  I have heard horror stories from my online support group of someone (like his daughter) coming in and contesting everything and holding stuff up in probate for years.  I don’t know why I am getting these thoughts in my head, probably because I have soo much time to think.  I try to let it go, but the thoughts are always there!  The end of this month Carole is coming for a visit.  I can’t wait!!  I am soo unsure of myself and I feel like a shell of myself right now.  I am going to walk to the grocery store this morning.  I can use the exercise.  When will I start feeling normal again??  I am glad that I have no money and no way to get to a casino as I think that the way I am feeling right now would make me want to gamble!!!  Hanging in there!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15262
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz, sometimes it is hard to find the words and that is how I feel right now.  I am so happy that Carole is coming to visit as she is a wonderful person and it will be great to have her there with you to talk to.  I wonder if it would help you to get some anti-depressants or something for a while to help you through.  I don’t know how all the things work with probate and your hubbies daughter.  I hope and pray that it all goes smoothly for you. One day at a time dear (((((Liz))))). One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15263
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post Cat!!   I don’t know what the future holds for me with this financial mess.  It is what it is and whatever the outcome, I will survive, I know that.  It is just the stress for all of it to be over.  I really don’t want to take any ***** right now to help me get through.  I am just having some ups and downs right now and I think that is normal.  I am glad that Carole is coming to visit also as I feel like I am shutting myself off from others right now.  Maybe I need a kick in the butt!!!  I’m going to make it and be alright, It is just going to take some time. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15264
      neva
      Συμμετέχων

      If you and your husband bought the Condo together then his daughter probably doesn’t have much to say about it.  But, if he bought it before you got married (and never added your name or you refinanced together) then she might be in line for it since it was separate property and not considered community property. I deal with that kind of stuff through work. It’s good that you have a lawyer. If you have to walk away from the Condo, you’ll also get to walk away from any money secured by the Condo.  At least your husband set you up to collect his income and you’ll be able to move on.  Maybe it’s a blessing that you don’t have money right now because it’d be too easy to drown your worries and sorrows in front of a slot machine.  Things happen for a reason and maybe it’s meant for you to move somewhere else and onto a better life. Good things happen to good people!

    • #15265
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Neva, it is his separate property, I am entitled to 1/2 and 1/2 goes to his daughter because he had no will. I will have to buy her out.  I don’t know what I want to do now.  We were married twice.  After our divorce and before our remarriage, he bought this condo and I bought a house which I sold some time ago.  I wouldn’t have bought this place myself but we did live here together for 12 years and I contributed to the mortgage, ect… so according to Arizona law 1/2 of the property is mine as it falls under separate property that has become community property.  I have talked to a lawyer, via phone consultation and he will be the one I will use to take care of this issue.  I am thankful that I don’t have money to gamble!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15266
      neva
      Συμμετέχων

      Who knows, maybe the daughter will take a small amount for her equity in the Condo since prices are still down. I’m sure she doesn’t want to pay half the mortgage and half the maintenance fees.  Glad you’re getting a lawyer. This will all be behind you soon. 

    • #15267
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Hey Lizbeth,
      If property values are down like they are around here and you have little to no equity it could work in your favior. In my situtation she would be lucky to get $15k. On the other hand if she forced a sale I would stop paying the mortgage and let her have it.
      I am sure it will all workout.
      bettie

    • #15268
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      In Arizona they take the property value less what is owed on the property, and she gets half of that, which is $22,000.  If she tries to play hardball with me, I will walk away and buy my own property.  I will deal with this when I am ready, it may be months down the road.  I am having a ok day.  Going to see my Grandson soon, for a few hours.  It is windy here today, real windy, blowing around the pollen windy!!   Have a good day everyone.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15269
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts.  Laura, I am a lot stronger than I thought I was.  I am having more good days than bad days now.  Tomorrow morning I am taking my Grandson to school than off to the airport to pick Carole up.  I am looking forward to having some time with her.  I got my car back yesterday, new engine and all.  I am giving it to my Mom as she has a real old truck which she has been babying.  She is excited about it.  I bought myself a new Nissan Rogue last Friday.  I am so glad I did. Getting ready to go to my Grandson’s baseball game, if the wind dies down.  It may be called off.  I am going on a road trip the middle of May to take my Mom to see her last sibling, her oldest Sister, who is 90 years old.  I am excited to see my Aunt, as we have not seen her in 5 years.  I am hanging in there but I do have my moments.  Trying to keep busy!!  Take care everyone!1Seize all the good things in life

    • #15270
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth:  Congratulations on the new car.  I googled the Nissan Rogue (not much of a car girl, can you tell? )  Anyway, it’s just lovely.  What colour?  I am so happy for you, you deserve something nice after all you’ve been through.  It’s going to be lovely to have Carole to chat to and then to visit your aunt.  My dad is 91 and I visit him every week.  There is something wonderful about visiting elderly relatives.  I always come back feeling like I’ve gained something after I visit my dad.  It’s good too that you’re spending so much time with your grandson.  Nothing is going to stop the pain and grief you’re feeling, but it is good to have these little pin*****s of light in dark *****.  Wishing you a wonderful and happy day.  Love, RG

    • #15271
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi RG,  My new Rogue is silver, and gray and black inside.  I am still loving it!!   Carole came in yesterday and we are having a blast!!!  We went shopping and Carole bought my Grandson some clothes from the Disney store and she treated us to lunch at the Rainforest Restaurant.  Today she is downtown checking out the Jodi Arias ****** trial.  We are planning a road trip for this weekend.  Watch out Thema and Louise!!!  It is good to have her here. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15272
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I am so delighted that you have a new car and it sounds awesome!!!  Also, thrilled that Carole is there visiting you as she is one special lady.  I am sure that you will be a wonderful support for each other being able to chat away.  A road trip sounds like so much fun!!!  Have a great visit!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15273
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

       
      Yesterday Carole got into the trial of Jodi Arias.  There were only 11 seats available and she got one!!!  Exciting stuff.  Getting ready today for our road trip.  Take care everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15274
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Love that you got a new car Lizbeth.. so happy that you and Carole are together, say hi to her for me i really miss her round here. Hugs to you across the seas
      P

    • #15275
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Have a great time you two!
      bettie

    • #15276
      neva
      Συμμετέχων

      Hope you girls are having the time of your lives.

    • #15277
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      We came back today from our road trip.  Carole got to see some of Arizona.  We had a great time.  Tonight I am taking her to the airport.  The time went by real fast but I am soo glad we had some time together!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15278
      vera
      Συμμετέχων

      ‘Hope you won’t miss Carole too much Lizbeth! It is great to know you have such good friends and with your new car you can visit your mom and other family members more often. You are coping well.Thank God! Odaat!

    • #15279
      neva
      Συμμετέχων

      Tell Carole we miss her too.  Glad you got to spend time together…lucky girls!!!

    • #15280
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizbeth so happy that you had a nice visit with Carole.  Your condo will probably feel quiet now that she has gone.  I believe you mentioned that you were going on a trip with your mother soon to visit an Aunt so that is something else for you to look forward to.  Take care Liz!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15281
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts!!  I did miss Carole today, but we will see each other again.  I spent the day with my Grandson at school helping his teacher.  He is having such a hard time with the death of his Papa and teacher and with the split up of his Mom and Dad.  He is seeing a counselor and he is talking freely with me.  I just worry about him, so young, and a lot to deal with.  Tomorrow, he and I are going on a private tour of Chase Field, where the Arizona Diamonbacks play.  I bought tickets several ***** last year for Hubby to go to see them play.  My Grandson is excited as he is playing on a baseball league.  They are trying to get people to buy tickets for the games.  I will buy a few game tickets as my Grandson loves to go and watch.  Trying to get some stuff done around here as I leave a week from tomorrow for my California trip with my Mother.  Looking forward to that.  Take care everyone.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15282
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I was going to email you, but my email is asking me for a password, and for the life of me, I can’t remember it, as it hasn’t asked me for a password for many, many months. I’m going to have to take my computer in and have it cleaned I think. I arrived safely last night after midnight, and I was given a room that had to be 100 degrees. I called the front desk and the girl said that I must have been given a "hot" room, and that she had a list of "good" rooms. I got another room and slept 5 or 6 hours, and got up and drove home. I saw a coyote walking in the ditch on the drive home. I went to my daughter’s and the souvenirs were a great hit with my granddaughters, especially the astronaunt ice cream. I’m getting a bit concerned that there is no verdict yet. Being in the courtroom during the day of closing arguments for the prosecution was a dream come true.  Thanks Liz for the awesome week. I’m looking forward to our next visit. Your grandson was a litte charmer and so smart. Say hi to him from me. Carole

    • #15283
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      I am jealous!
      Glad you had a good time. Chicago would have paled on comparison!
      Bettie

    • #15284
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, if your reading this, I did email you yesterday.  I am glad that you made it home okay.  Thinking of you and the fun we had.  I think Louisana is our next venue as our Duck dynasty boys are from there.  Just a thought.  Take care and I am worried too, as the jury is taking more time than I thought they would.  Take care.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15285
      finding_laura
      Συμμετέχων

      glad you ladies enjoyed your time together 🙂 Good to see you keeping busy Liz. Safe travels to California!
      take care,
      Laura

    • #15286
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! Louisiana sounds awesome!! We’ll have to find out where  Monroe is, as that is where the duck boys live. The snow has disappeared in my yard so spring is here. That story of those 3 women and a 6 year old child being found in that house alive after being kidnapped is insane. I had shivers when they showed that story yesterday. And those 3 criminal brothers are so ugly and creepy. What a nightmare for those poor women. Danny did a lot of work in the yard when I was gone and put in a new bathroom sink and new taps for me. I’m having coffee and trying to wake up and then I’ll be going over to clean the renters’ house. I’m waiting for a verdict today. Carole  

    • #15287
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi!  I am okay, Carole.   The verdict came in, awesome!!!   Dealing with a bad headache all day!!! Seize all the good things in life

    • #15288
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Sorry to hear about your headache Liz! Is something bothering you?? I’ve been doing well since I got home, and have been working hard cleaning at the renters and laundering bedding. Danny is actually making a chicken stirfry and rice tonight. He would never **** before, and seems to be nearly an expert at it now. I found 3 puzzles today that I’ve never done so my kitchen table will now turn into a puzzle table. I’m not putting a garden in this year as I have enough flower beds to weed. Come help me weed!! Carole

    • #15289
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am feeling better.  Grandson’s baseball team won tonight!  I had a hard day, kept thinking of my Hubby.  Tomorrow will be better.  I really haven’t been doing constructive things since you left.  I need to get with it tomorrow as I am leaving for my Mom’s  next Wednesday and then off to California for a few days.  Wish I could come help you weed!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15290
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Lizzy)))- good to hear that you’re feeling better. Some days are going to be very hard on your journey of grief. Also good to hear that your grandson’s team won! He must have been excited!! You’ll know when the time is right to cross the border. I hope you and your Mom have a special time together and with other family members. It’s good to have things to keep you occupied while your heart and soul mend. I started a zigsaw puzzle last night, which is usually a winter activity for me. Gambling thoughts are far, far away, so that’s good. I know that I don’t want to live the old life of compulsive gambling again. Danny set up a live trap in the shed to capture the critter (probably weasel) that has been living in the shed. Two days later we haven’t caught anything. Watch as soon as Danny leaves today, the critter will be in the trap and I’ll have to drive it somewhere, and release it. The kicked out renter jumped out of his truck last night, and came over with a big bouquet of flowers and a card, begging to stay. I said I wasn’t doing this with him anymore. He asked till the long weekend in May to stay till, and I gave him till Saturday 7:00 pm to move. I refused the flowers and the card and told him to give them to the girl he had in his bed. He said he didn’t even know her name, and I reminded him that her name was Nicole. He is not going to get any extensions to stay from me. I’m sick of him and his boundary issues. It’s too bad his wife doesn’t know he’s sleeping around with strippers. I would want to know if my husband was doing the same, so I could divorce his a**. I found a empty box of condoms in the bathroom garbage can. Two and two always make four, unless it’s Jodi Arias doing the ********! LOL! It has gotten really crazy with her since the verdict came in. I think she thought she was going to walk out of the courthouse to freedom that day. I believe that she is a control freak and knows the jury will return with a death sentence, so she is making a preemptive strike by saying she wants the death penalty. That way she is back in control of her life. I really believe she has a borderline personality, but that doesn’t make her insane under the law. Carole 

    • #15291
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Feeling better.  It took a long time for the headache to go away.  I am treating myself to a mani/pedi (spa) tomorrow, I have never had one.  Looking forward to it.  Carol, Jodi is one messed up person.  I think she is trying to use reverse thinking on the jury, as she would have no one to pay any attention to her if she was on death row.  Your bad renter is something else.  Why are people married when they sleep with other people. I have never understood that.  I am headed for bed.  I am really tired tonight.  Take care everyone.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15292
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! So glad to hear that you are treating yourself to a mani/pedi, and I wish I was sitting next to you getting a mani/pedi too. I checked the live trap today and the only thing in it is a full can of rotting tuna. The more I reflect on Jodi Arias’ behavior and words, the more I am conflicted about whether I want her to get the death penalty. I believe what she did is horrific, but I also fully believe that she is suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder, and maybe a Disassociation Disorder. Had she gotten some serious mental health help, this tragedy may have been avoided. As you know my oldest granddaughter has borderline personality disorder, and one of the key features is a huge sense of abandonment and rejection, as well as huge **** swings, and blaming others for what happens to them. I believe in the death penalty but not for individuals who are clearly mentally ill. Thus I think she should get natural life in prison so that she doesn’t execute anyone else. Prisons aren’t known for attracting the best psychologists/psychiatrists, so I can’t see her getting the intense mental health care she *****. On another note, I am taking my three granddaughters to the fair that has come to town today, and the two little ones are having a sleepover tonight. My evicted renter has started to pack his clothing I saw yesterday when I went into his bedroom. He called me last night to say he had found somewhere else to live, but wanted to know if he could move on Tuesday. I said no and that it had to be Saturday which is today, after he finishes work. He hasn’t paid any rent for May, so I’m doubtful whether he will pay me before he leaves tonight. Carole    

    • #15293
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, have fun with your Granddaughter’s at the fair.  It’s good that you are getting rid of the bad renter as he seems to not have any respect for you or your house.  He sounds like a lot of trouble.  I enjoyed my mani/pedi.  It was wonderful and relaxing. My eyebrows look real good (threading).  It was much better spending money on myself and feeling relaxed and de-stressed than spending money at the casino.  Tomorrow I am going to a Mother’s day luncheon with a friend.  Have a great Mother’s Day everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15294
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! Hope you have a Happy Mother’s Day!! You deserve it! I woke up today with a sore back and a headache, probably due to the way I slept last night, which was not well at all. I  went over to the house yesterday evening to see why Rob the bad renter wasn’t moving out. He gave me a letter saying that I had bul***d him, and a bunch of other garbage and that he was going to be ***** me. He claimed to have receipts for rent paid for May, signed by me, which is totally a ***. He got verbally aggressive with me and  said that I was going to listen to HIM. I told him I didn’t need to listen to him and walked out. He said I could call the police if I wanted to, and I left the house and called them and two police cars drove into my place, with one officer in each car. The police officer came over to my house and asked if I would let him stay last night as Rob told them he worked at 5:30 am, and I was adamant with the officer that he could not stay, and that I wanted him escorted off my property. The police said they were there in a peacekeeping role and that the renter hadn’t committed any crime under the criminal justice system. I told the officer that unless they escorted him off my property, that Rob would not have  a job the following day as I was going to phone the oil field company he works for and report his **** use. That’s when the police decided to escort him out of my house and property. Wow! I never have had to evict a renter before and it got ugly on his part. I did fear for my safety when I went to bed as one never knows what a person like him will do, as he was insistent that I couldn’t have him removed frm my property. He has food in my house still but I am going to make it clear to the other renters that he is no longer welcome to visit them in my house. They can bring him his food but the police will be called if he shows up here again. Other renters told me last night that he would urinate over on the grass while standing on the verenda, and that the young woman he brought home woke them up with her clicking high heels, walking through the house. He is a married man by the way. One of the guys who rents from me works with the evicted renter, so that should be interesting. Rob is on self-destruct and it won’t be long before he loses his job himself. He has "ran" my house since the day he moved in, like it’s his own, with no respect for other renters. Oh, the glamourous life of a landlord! Carole  

    • #15295
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Happy Mother’s Day everyone!!!  Carole, what a ordeal with Rob.  You did the right thing in calling the police, as this ordeal would have just dragged on and on.  Watch yourself, you never know what is going through someone’s mind or what they are capable of.  Look what happened to me with the rocks through my window.  It still is going on as when we were on our road trip, my Sunday newspaper was taken and one of our friend’s here had left a package of baseballs for my Grandson on the patio table and they were taken also.  Never had any problems before and I think it is retaliation for me calling the police on the neightbor’s brother.  Anyways, her condo was foreclosed on and is going to auction tomorrow.  A investor was here yesterday looking at the community and asking questions about  how much rent he could get per month.  I don’t wish bad on anyone, but they are bad news and are creating a lot of problems here much like your bad renter.  I haven’t been very productive today, but that’s okay as it is Mother’s Day!!  Have a good day everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15296
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I too have been unproductive today, though I will have to go to the renters’ house and clean there. I just take my time and that way it isn’t stressful. Danny said I should have called his brother to deal with the situation with the renter, seeing as he’s not home. I think I managed it in the best way I could by staying away from Rob after I left the house, and while the police were taking to him, so as not to escalate the situation. I’m sure he will blame me for his life going bad, as he is one of those people who can’t accept responsibility for himself.  I’m very relieved he is gone from the house. I am going to leave a written communication for the other guys that Rob is not welcome in the house to come and get his food, or to visit any of them. He has a boundary issue so I can see him thinking he can come back and visit the guys. How did you find out your neighbour’s condo had been foreclosed on, and that it would be auctioned off tomorrow? That whole family are toxic people and the sooner they are gone the better. I believe that they are retaliating on you, and I feel that Rob may retaliate against me also. I won’t be going anywhere overnight for a while, as I need to keep an eye out for what’s going on here. It seems that Rob can afford strippers but not the rent. I emptied his garbage can and there were magnets with pictures of strippers, thanking him for the good time. I don’t care about the unpaid rent, only that he isn’t in my house anymore. Carole

    • #15297
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz
      So glad you and Carole got to catch up. Keep finding things for you to do that you enjoy in life. Be good to yourself Lizbeth you have been through a lot.
      P

    • #15298
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hey Sweet P, thanks for your post.  I was a little sad today as it is the first Mother’s Day without my Hubby.  My ex-son-in-law is coming in a few hours to take me to dinner.  Sometimes family (blood) isn’t who your family ends up being.  All I can say is that since my Husband became sick and his death, it has been friends mostly and a 2 family members who have been there for me. Others have seized the opportunity to not be in my life due to thinking they were entitled to monetary gain from my Husband death. Sad but true!  Blood isn’t always thicker than water!!  I feel like my friends are my family and I am grateful to have them in my life.  Carole, the investor who is bidding on the next door neighbor’s condo was here yesterday, asking questions about the community and talking to a owner here.  He is going to have fun evicting them as he will have to go through the courts to do it.  But if he has bought other places I am sure he has ran into this before.  Yes, you be careful concerning Rob.  I think you handled the situation the right way. Hope everyone is having a great day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15299
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I think I am being tested!!  I went out this morning to take the car (not the new one) to get emission tested.  The battery was dead.  I have triple A, so I gave them a call and they came out and replaced the battery.  Another thing that my Husband would have taken care of.  Now, I need to drive it some more as the battery going dead wiped out the driving cycles on the new engine.  So, after I drive it some more, then it’s going to the shop again to be put on the meter so I know if I will pass emissions.  This car has been a stinker!!  But I will win!!  Not sleeping well again, keep thinking of my Hubby and replaying a lot things that we did together over the years.  Makes me sad that he is not here!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15300
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I went to the casino last night.  I didn’t do too much damage, but I feel so ashamed of myself.  I came home with a headache and feeling like crud!!   I sat here letting myself get depressed and instead of doing something constructive, I went and gambled.  I didn’t get any pleasure from it only a sleepless night and beating myself up.  I did get a lot accomplished here today, cleaned condo, getting ready to purchase my new living room furniture.  My Grandson is spending the night and that is joyful. I have to forgive myself as I can’t get into that rut again with the gambling, that would be a disaster.  Have to move on!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15301
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) you are going through so much right now dealing with the loss of your hubby and it is a very emotional time, and I would imagine it must be quite lonely and scary for you as well.  I know that you are an intelligent person who knows gambling is not the answer, but we are human and I can imagine in your situation that I would want to escape from everything.  It is good that you posted about it as then you know we are all looking out for you.  I was speaking to someone who lost her hubby and she said that right after it happened she had to keep busy and she worked lots of hours.  Also, a friend lost her husband a number of years ago and she was still working, but she totally decorated her home and was always busy doing that.  Although she was younger then and able to do it.  I wish I knew the answer for you Liz, but I know you will find out what support and help is there for you and take it.  I would say don’t beat yourself up as you are dealing with so much right now.  Keep posting Liz!!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15302
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for your post!  I am keeping busy and get counseling to help me deal with my Husband’s death.  I think that when I am alone, I start reliving my Husband’s illness and the day he ****, over and over.  Sometimes, I can feel him everywhere.  I need to do something when I feel depressed so I will not gamble.  I am going to my Mom’s this weekend.  We are going to spread my Step-fathers’, sister in law, and my Husband’s ashes.  I have found a beautiful place, which is kind of isolated and the view of the mountains (tipped in snow) during the winter is awesome.  I think it is the perfect place.  It is going to be hard as I already have butterflies in my stomach thinking of it.  When I was at the casino, I kept thinking of my Husband, sitting at the bar having a beer and watching some sports game.  That is what he liked to do. I just want to find some peace within myself.  I think that it will take time.  I am trying to find my way. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15303
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth:  You have done an amazing job considering the stress you’ve suffered over the past months.  I know that you know what you need to do to keep this slip from becoming an all-out relapse.  Just remember, you are worth so much more than burying your grief under nights of destructive gambling.  Do more things that you love.  Plan a big holiday with a friend … someplace you’ve always wanted to go.  Give yourself something to look forward to in the long term.  And keep going on those spa appointments.  Take care of yourself.  Love, RG

    • #15304
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks RG, I did get a mani/pedi today!!  Best thing ever.  I will be alright.  I need to find somewhere to volunteer once a week, preferably on a weekend day.  Playing Wii sports earlier with my Grandson!!  We are getting ready to go to bed and do some reading before sleep.  Hoping I can sleep tonight. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15305
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz, I notice the difference in your post when you have your little grandson around.  He gives you a focus and keeps your spirits lifted.  I think you should volunteer somewhere that you can be with kids or cuddling the babies in ICU.  Although it depends if you want adult company when you volunteer. I also know there are seniors that are lonely and need a visit. I don’t know what I would do if I volunteered at something.  My work keeps me too busy right now, but I know that I would love holding the babies.  I went out last night with friends, there are 10 of us in a book club but sometimes we don’t even talk about the book.  It was the wind up for summer so we went for dinner.  It was so much fun and I notice that it has lifted my spirits.  There are about 5 of us that are going to the theatre in a couple of weeks – a light comedy about girls. I am looking forward to that.  It shows me that I need to do things for me that I enjoy.  I know that you go to different support groups and that is awesome, but is there any organizations/groups that you could get involved with just for fun.  The book club we go to is so much fun – laughter seems to help lift the spirits.  Take care Liz and be kind to yourself.  I am going for a pedicure soon – and I am going to start thinking about it now!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15306
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Cat, My spirits and focus is definitely different when my Grandson is around.  There are tons of places where I can do volunteer work.  I will make a decision on that after the summer is over.  I agree, I need to find some group or organization where I can have fun and do activities with other women my age.  Today has been good.  We played games, read books, did some drawings, and went swimming. OMG, I’m tired!!  Tomorrow the car goes into the shop so they can put the meter on it again to see if it will pass emission testing.  Everything was wiped out when the battery went dead this last weekend.  I called my oldest Daughter today and we had a good talk.  She is coming over next week to help me go through my Husband’s personal belongings.  There are a few things that I want her to have. Another sleepless night last night.  I am going to take a sleeping pill tonight. Take care everyone and have a good day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15307
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz, it is hard for any of us to understand what you are going through.  I know when I read about your daughter coming to go through your husband’s personal belongings my heart just felt for you.  I would imagine that it is going to be very difficult and emotional for you.  I am glad that your daughter is coming to help as that will be a support for you.  All I can say is keep doing what you are doing as you really are working your way through this difficult time the only way you can.  It is one day at a time – good days and bad days.  It never gets better, but with time it gets easier.  I hope you had a good sleep last night.One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15308
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Cat, I did sleep well last night.  I think I was so exhausted!!  I have mixed feelings about going through my Husband’s things.  My Daughter wants some of his things, which I don’t mind giving her but I don’t know if I am ready.  I don’t even know if I can spread his ashes this weekend.  It just doesn’t feel right to me yet!!  I don’t know if I am being silly or if I should just force myself to do it.  God, I miss him every day.  Maybe I am holding on to his ashes just to have him here with me, I don’t know.  I am doing better I think in general but I always have this sadness hanging over me.  No one can really relate unless you have been through it.  It hurts so bad, you feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest.  I try to sleep at night but I keep re-thinking about the cancer that ate at him till it took him from me.  I remember from January 10th when we found out that he had cancer to March 12, when he ****.  It just tears me up!!!  The look on his face when he was dying and me holding his hand telling him that I loved him.  OMG!! Cat, I hope it gets easier with time, that I deal with it better.  I hate being alone!!  It sucks!! Seize all the good things in life

    • #15309
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz it’s only 3 months since your husband **** and it is going to take time to grieve.  All I can say is be patient with yourself and just do what you feel is right.  If your are not ready to go through his personal things then just wait until you are.  There is no time line for grieving.  It’s what feels right to each individual.  I have heard of a charm where you can put a few of the ashes and wear on a necklace.  It may be a way to do both.  You could scatter his ashes, but keep a little bit to keep a part of him close to you.  I just did a quick search and this is a ling if you are interested in finding out more about it http://www.evrmemories.com/ 
      Have you gone looking for your new living room furniture yet?  What are your plans today?  One day at a time and you will get through this.
       One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15310
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat, what you said makes sense and I know things will get better, it’s just hard right now!!  I have heard of cremation jewelry.  Thanks for the link, I took a quick look and I found some things that I liked.  I will look later, it may be for me.  I am looking at living room furniture next week.  I am still having some issues with the car that I want to give my Mom.  I am going down to the dealers again this morning, maybe I will be through with the car issues today.  I am not going to let anyone, even family, rush me into doing something that I don’t want to do.  I will deal with things when I am ready.  Thanks for the advice!!  I am going to my Mom’s tomorrow for the weekend, so I need to pack and do a few things around here.  Have a great day everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15311
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I wasn’t going to say anything about it maybe being too soon to scatter your husband’s ashes, but seeing as you mentioned that you may not be ready to do so, I thought I would put in my thoughts about it. I wouldn’t recommend it till you’re good and ready on your own time schedule. I know your mother has your best interests at heart but it has to be your decision. If you do things too soon, it may send you into an emotional tailspin. Grief cannot be rushed as much as we want the hurt to end. Thinking about you (((Liz)))! Carole

    • #15312
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, I agree, I won’t be spreading my Husband’s ashes this weekend.  It is too soon for me!  It doesn’t feel right.  I have been thinking of you too and missing you!!  The car passed emission testing and I have current tags on it.  Yeah!!  That has been a journey itself, but now it is done.  Cat, thanks for the link to the cremation jewelry.  I am buying a necklace for me and one for each daughter.  That way, he is always with us!!  Getting some things done around here and tomorrow morning I will be off to my Mom’s. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15313
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I’m so glad to hear that you did what was right for you. I understand a little about not being ready to scatter your husband’s ashes, as it took us 4 to 5 years before we were ready to scatter our "best" dog’s ashes. Please don’t think that I’m comparing scattering your husband’s ashes to a dog’s ashes. It was just too painful to even think about for both of us. There is no time schedule to buy new living room furniture or go through your husband’s personal effects. Be gentle on yourself (((Liz))). Carole 

    • #15314
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post Carole.  I came back today from my Mom’s.  I had a good time visiting with her.  I felt so much of the pressure was taken off me in deciding not to spread my Husband’s ashes.  Both of my Daughter’s have picked out a cremation necklace they like and I haven’t decided on one yet.  A great idea Cat!!  My Sister text me today and we talked via texts, but that is a start.  I am looking at living room furniture tomorrow.  Hopefully, I will find something I love.  Carole, I am trying to take my time in making decisions as I am not good at making decisions right now.  A little hesitate.  I was glad to get home, back to my surroundings.  I feel comfort here!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15315
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I bought a couch and tv console and new mattresses for my bed.  My friend came with me and it was fun picking out new furniture.  It gets delivered on Friday.  Tomorrow, my Daughters are coming over to help me go through some of my Husband’s things and we are going to look at pictures, have lunch and swim.  Just making a afternoon of being together.  I am really tired, not sleeping well.  Going to bed.  Hope everyone had a good day!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15316
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz, sorry that you are not sleeping well, but I think that quite often happens when someone has lost their spouse.  It will take time so be patient with yourself.  I am glad that you had fun picking out new furniture and that you had a friend go with you.  It will be nice for you when it is delivered on Friday and it will help make the living room more your own.  I hope that your new mattress also helps a bit with your sleeping.  It is nice that you have your daughters coming over and though it will be difficult to go through some of your husband’s things with them, it is good that you are also planning to have lunch and swim with them.  Its important to remember that you do things when you are ready not when others think you should be doing it. I hope you had a better sleep last night.  Take care and I hope that you have a good day with your daughters. One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15317
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for the post.  I was sleeping so well and someone called at 600AM,  wrong number.  But he called 4 ***** afterwards!!  OMG!!  I am ready to go through my Husband’s things.  It will be easier with my girls here.  I think the only way that I can stay here in the condo is by making it mine, my style.  We had bought it from my mother in law before she went into a senior living apartment and it ***** a lot of updating.  I am going to do a little at a time till I have it the way I want it.  Patience is something I work on daily Cat.  I am hard on myself.  I am looking forward to a nice day with my Daughters and Grandson.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15318
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts everyone!!  The visit with my Mother was awesome.  She was feeling better when I left.  We have a major wildfire in the Northern part of our State.  19 Firefighters gave their lives saving people’s homes and our forests.  Will everyone say a prayer for them and their families?  Very sad!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15319
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz so glad that you had a great visit with your Mother, and I am sure that she really enjoyed it as well.  You are sounding a bit better just now which is great.  My heart goes out to the 19 firefighter’s family, what a horrible tragedy.  I said a prayer for their families.  Have a great day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15320
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for your post!  I am doing better emotionally with the loss of my Husband.  My oldest Daughter and I are forming a healthy relationship which I am grateful for.  So, something good is coming out of the loss of my Husband.  I feel like I am functioning better and thinking clearer.  At some point, my Mother will have to move to where I live so we can have daily contact and so I can help her more.  She isn’t at that point yet but at least we have a open line of communication, and she is willing to talk to me about it.  She is functioning well physically and mentally but it is hard to have her 2 hours away and she is slowing down a lot.  I just want to be there for her like she was for both of my Grandmothers when they could no longer take care of themselves.  My Grandson spent the night and we are going for haircuts today and then back home.  It has been so hot and humid here, we have had a heat advisory the last week.  No gambling urges lately, good news.  I hope everyone has a great gamble free day! Take care.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15321
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth that is so nice that you and your daughter are growing closer together. That will be a help to you emotionally in these days.. i admire that you are not gambling through the stress you have been through. It is a wonderful thing that you have faced all this yet you didnt go into a full on relapse. I think i remember you went once but then back on track, dont know how you did it but you did, got straight back on the horse.. off and running again. Well done, i truly admire how you are living these days without gambling and being positive
      P

    • #15322
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post P.  Today we both had haircuts.  I had mine cut a little shorter than usual but that’s ok as it is so hot here.  We went and bought some new shoes for both of us.  We did some swimming and had a play date with one of the kids whose Grandmother lives here.  I am getting tired.  I have been sleeping much better this last week.  Tomorrow, we are going to see Dispecable Me 2.  We are both looking forward to that.  Well, I hope everyone had a good day.  Take care.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15323
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth,
      Your grandson is keeping you busy!!! 
      So pleased to read you are living your life.  I wish I could have shorter hair, unfortunately I look a little like a boy!!! (well I think I do!), Im going to end up on one of those talk shows where the woman hasn’t cut her hair for 20 years and they chop it all off!!!!
      Have a lovely day,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #15324
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Kathryn for your post.  I’m sure you have beautiful hair.  My oldest Daughter had hair down past her butt for years and she cut it this year to her shoulders and donated her hair to cancer victims for wigs.  She looks awesome with shorter hair.  The movie was cute!!  I am doing some laundry and my Grandson is eating lunch, pizza.  Trying to keep cool as it is 117 right now.  Take care everyone and have a good day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15325
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I have been having gambling urges today.  Probably because I am alone as my Grandson went home.  I am keeping busy and trying to get through this.  I have a lot to do around the condo as I bought some new flowers to plant in my planters.  So, tomorrow I will get up early and plant the flowers and do some errands.  One day at a time.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15326
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz sorry that you are having gambling urges, but you are doing fantastic by not gambling with all that you are going through, and as you know gambling is not the answer. I know that I  would love to go and escape sometimes, and just forget everything for a little while, and just have some fun and excitement.  In our minds we can think of all these things and forget the other side of it.  The self loathing, hating ourselves and the despair that we lost so much money that we cant afford to lose, and then the urges are even stronger.  I think it was good for me to type that out as sometimes when I think of playing the machines I remember only the escaping and excitement!!!  What and when is the next little trip that you have planned?  I think it is good to have something to look forward to as it can keep our focus on something positive.  When are you going to see your Mother again?  How is your living room looking with your new furniture?  Are you planning to do anything else to your home?  When is your Grandson coming to stay again?  I am not being nosey with all my questions I am trying to get you thinking of other things and not urges.  Take care Liz and be patient and kind to yourself.  I almost forgot to wish you a Happy Independence Day!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15327
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      I understand you would be having urges.. I think you are doing amazingly well. Keep doing other things. I know gambling will appear to be very appealing but it will only appear that way. Its not the truth of what happens when we go. I crave it like mad some days Lizbeth, it is temptation for me big time but i know what happens. I have to go by my history. For years i tried to stop and i couldnt this time will be no different. I cant stop if i start and i know one bet and i may not be back here. I cant live with the urges and guilt that follow a relapse. I dont want that for you either. Hang on Lizbeth, stick to the forum. Do you have GA in your area. could be good to join.
      P

    • #15328
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat and P for the posts.  I have kept myself busy today and although I have had few urges to gamble, I wont!!!  I did a few errands today and took the car out for a spin and got it cleaned!!  I am staying home today for the 4th of July as I can see fireworks from my house.  It is 115 outside right now and real humid, so I am staying cool inside. I am going out to brunch with a friend tomorrow and then my Grandson is coming over to spend the night.  Missing my Husband today as he would be out there grilling right now for the 4th of July and wanting to invite family over for a barbeque.  Hope everyone has a good day!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15329
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth,
      Happy July 4th (im a bit late)
      How were the fireworks?  Its wonderful to read the strength in your posts.  Your determination not to gamble is inspirational. 
      I have to say, I am missing the hot weather, it has been bitterly cold here.  It seems that since I lost my weight I have been freezing all the time, I can never get warm!  I miss being hot..lol.
      I hope you are being kind to yourself, I can only imagine what you are going through.  Your grandson is such a blessing in your life.  Enjoy every bit!!!
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #15330
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Kathryn for your post as I have had a bad day.  The day started out good, I had a nice bunch with a friend and my Grandson is spending the night which is always enjoyable.  My Daughter went into one of her angry rants when she dropped off my Grandson.  I tried to diffuse it so he didn’t have to witness it and to be honest, I am tired and done with that behavior from her.  Then she called me wanting to continue and I hung up on her again.  I am afraid that she is doing ***** again.  She went into rehab again while my Husband was sick and she has been clean for 31/2 months.  I can see the signs.  She has been battling this addiction for 8 years now with many relapses.  I have always been there for her but I won’t take abuse from her.  My Grandson is the innocent in all of this mess and I will protect him any way that I have to.  Just very discouraging and heartbreaking!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15331
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizbeth so sorry that you had a bad day.  It must be challenging for you having to deal with your daughter when you are already dealing with the emotions of losing your husband.  I hope and pray that she has not relapsed with *****.  My heart goes out to anyone with an addiction.  However, having said that I get annoyed with my husband and his drinking.  It would be nice if your daughter was there to support you right now with your emotions and the loss of your husband.  Your Grandson is so blessed to have you as his Grandmother.  Take care and stay strong Liz!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15332
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Cat, thank you for the supportive post.  It is a challenge dealing with my Daughter’s **** addiction.  Honestly, it makes me want to run and gamble, so I don’t have to deal with it for awhile.  But I am not going to do that.  That’s not the answer.  I have always been very supportive of her but not when she is abusive, I will walk away from that.  She is the commander of her soberity, not me.  All the blaming of other’s for her **** use and not taking responsibility for her own actions keep her from moving on in her journey to keep clean.  My Grandson is spending more time with me and the truth be told, he would just live with me and see his Mom sometimes.  A real sad situation.  His Dad is aware of the problem and does his best to be with his son as much as he can.  He works long hours and out in this heat here, it was 116 today.  That takes a toll on you.  I can only be there for my Grandson as he is the innocent one in this situation.  Sorry for rambling!!  I just needed to vent and get this out!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15333
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am enjoying my time with my Grandson.  My Daughter should be here soon to pick him up.  I am hoping that some of the rage she showed yesterday is gone.  I plan to do some grocery shopping this afternoon and then I am going to start a new book.  I just plan to have a relaxing day.  Hope everyone has a good day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15334
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      My Daughter is so full of anger.  When she picked up my Grandson yesterday she was fuming.  I think she is angry with herself.  And I have changed the way I react to her, I walk away now.  After my Husband’s illness and death, I changed a lot.  The last 10 years of my life were spent dealing with people’s addictions and mine too.  My Husband was a acholic, my Daughter’s **** problem, and about that time my gambling addiction started.  I am tired of it all!!  I can’t bail someone out of their addiction, they have to work on themselves.  My Daughter is 34 years old, she can’t keep blaming other’s for her actions.  I have let her manipulate me, and I think she is angry now that I have put my foot down and said no, it’s enough.  I have enabled her.  Life is too short.  I can’t keep living through others, I want my own life and experiences.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15335
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz, you are dealing with the loss of your husband and that alone is difficult enough.  I am sorry that your daughter has relapsed again with the *****.  You are being really strong in how you are dealing with everything, but I can’t imagine how very difficult it must be for you.  It is good that you are able to walk away from your daughter when she is angry and not get caught up in arguing with her.  It is difficult not to be an enabler and know what to do.  Addictions are so tough for all of us, and sometimes I want to go gambling rather than deal with my husband’s drinking, but I now know that is not the answer.  I thank God that your Grandson has you to look out for him.  Stay strong and look after yourself.One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15336
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for your support.  My Sister says my Daughter isn’t doing ***** but is drinking.  Ok, well obviously she has substituted the booze for the *****, which she has done in the past.  Cat, I didn’t walk away today from her ranting.  We played phone arguing until I turned off my cell phone.  I realized it wasn’t going anywhere.  I was so upset that I let myself get caught up in all the drama.  I wanted to seriously go gambling.  I didn’t though.  I was good and went to the plant nursery and bought some new plants which I planted in pots.  My patio looks very nice!!!  I feel like most of my family members think that I should be through grieving for my Husband by now!!!  It’s been 17 weeks since my Husband **** and NO, I am still grieving him and missing him everyday.  I just need to do what is right for me, and it’s okay for me to feel the way I do. I guess that unless you go through a death of someone close to you, you don’t know how it feels.  Thanks for everyone’s support.  You all have been so kind and understanding.  I have many true friends here!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15337
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today has been another trying day with my Daughter.  My Grandson was here and she showed up being belligerent and stood in my front yard screaming and calling me names.  It was embarrassing as all my neighbors who were home heard her but more troublesome was that my Grandson was standing there hearing everything.  I had talked to her ex my Grandson’s father, as he and I have a good relationship, about her behavior of late and the concern that she is doing ***** or drinking again.  He talked to her about it and it fueled her to be mad.  I am being threatened again with not seeing my Grandson.  My ex son in law said that would never happen as he would make sure I would see him.  This is all so sad and depressing.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15338
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Lizzy))) I am so sorry to hear about your huge stressors with your daughter. It does sound like your daughter has relapsed, whether it is ***** or alcohol. You are so right that your daughter is responsible for her own recovery. It’s like the grief journey. People have to travel it alone, with the support of others. Nobody can grieve for us, just like nobody can work our recovery for us. Your daughter knows where to access the resources she ***** to live clean. As a mother it has to be so worrisome. Your grandson should not be witness to verbal and emotional abuse directed towards you, as children live what they learn. One thought that does come to mind is that your daughter ***** you to look after your grandson, so the chances of her stopping you from seeing your grandson pretty much don’t exist. Your grandson’s Dad seems to be an A1 guy, and like he said, he would make sure you had your grandson. Even your grandson who is way beyond his years in his ability to understand and communicate would badger his mother about going to see you. Danny is going to be home for 3 weeks at the beginning of August. I will find out the dates and if you want to visit at that time, we can stay at my place in Edmonton. Sounds like you need a break from that heat as well. I will have an air conditioner by then as well. You know that you can invite yourself to my place ANYTIME. And I know that I can visit you ANYTIME. I guess I’ll have to clean my car if you’re coming. LOL! Carole

    • #15339
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for your post.  I didn’t sleep well last night and I didn’t realize how much my Daughter has stressed me out.  I was literally sick all night to my stomach.  I text her this morning telling her that she is no longer welcomed at my house and how I was really concerned about her behavior especially in front of her son.  I told her that she could go through her Ex regarding my Grandson.  I will meet her in the parking lot to get my Grandson and I will take him out there when she comes to pick him up.  Her Ex agrees with this arrangement and he said he totally understands where I am coming from.  I have to set the boundaries with her now as her behavior and abusive actions can no longer be tolerated.  So, I am going to take a shower and maybe go to the store.  I need to start moving and do something.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15340
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Good Job (((Liz)))! I was going to suggest maybe meeting somewhere else or having a third person drop off your grandson, like your grandson’s Dad, or other responsible individual. You did the right thing for you and for your grandson. Keep setting those boundaries with your daughter and expanding them if you see the need. Teach her that it’s not OK to treat you that way or to act that way in front of your grandson. I spoke with Danny and he is going to look after Ruffuss and the renters’ house so that I can visit with you for a week. Anytime from August 1st is great to fly in. Let me know when you book your ticket. I’m excited now!!! Carole

    • #15341
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) Come for a week so that we can go on a road trip like to Banff and the Rocky Mountains. Let me know what date and time and I’ll be there at the airport. Bring a swimsuit as Banff has hot springs. Carole

    • #15342
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz,
      First it rains and then it pours!
      Enjoy the good ***** when they come because when things get rough our addiction takes it and runs with it.
      Glad you will be able to see Carole. Have a great time.
      bettie

    • #15343
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I had a couple of gambling thoughts today so I am safeguarding myself by not going to town till after 4:00 pm, as my bank will be closed by then. Yesterday I had a few gambling thoughts but I made sure that the errands I had to do started at 3:00 and lasted till the bank closed, so I kept myself safe. Instead of planning how to gamble, my thoughts and actions were geared towards not having the opportunity to gamble. It’s a different mindset than I used to have. I invited Cat to meet us in Calgary and go to the mountains with us. She’s a lovely person and you would really like her. She lives in Manitoba and only one province separates her from me- Saskatchewan. I don’t know if she will meet us, but the invitation is there for her. Carole

    • #15344
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Oh, Carole, I would love to meet Cat!!  I hope she can come!  I too have had a few gambling thoughts, especially after the scene with my Daughter.  I have been able to get through them also.  Everything is set, I have my flight confirmation and all I have to do is pack!!  We will have a great time!!!  So excited!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15345
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am a happy woman this evening as I was able to talk to my Grandson on the phone via my Ex-Son-In-Law.  He is leaving to go to Disneyland on Friday (his first time) and he is so excited.  He told me he would come over after his trip to tell me all about it.  I will be able to sleep well tonight.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15346
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I’m so happy that you got to speak to your grandson tonight. And also happy that his mother is following through on her promise to take him to Disneyland. I have been feeling lonely since I stopped running around with my move and everything else I had to do. But in actuality, I’ve been lonely in this marriage for many, many years. so really it’s no different. The only difference is lonely without compulsive gambling. I am going to miss my little granddaughters when I move, as I see them frequently. They are in Winnipeg visiting my family and I miss them. It was so hot here today that I feel sick physically. I took Ruffuss to Dairy ***** and bought him some ice cream. Of course that was after the bank was closed. LOL! He has separation anxiety since the other dogs left the house. He was howling when I went to clean the other house. Now I have to take him pretty much everywhere, and if I can’t take him, I have to hurry home so he doesn’t get too distressed. He’s my biggest barrier to gambling right now. LOL! Hope you sleep well and hope I do too. Carole

    • #15347
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for your post.  I slept ok as I had to get up early for my cardiologist appointment.  All is well and I don’t have to go back for 1 year.  I have to have some blood work done in the morning and then I am going to my Mom’s for the weekend.  It is a little cooler there! Seize all the good things in life

    • #15348
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Leaving for Canada tomorrow, yeah!!  I had a peaceful day.  I had lunch with a friend who always has great stories to tell.  She is 80 years old and a fire cracker!!!  She is one of the most interesting people I have ever known.  I love to hear her stories about adventures she has experienced.  Her Mom lived to be 104 years old and was a live wire too!!!  Good genes!  I think I am progressing in my grieving for my Husband.  I seem to be coming out of the fog and thinking clearer.  I get sad but it isn’t taking over my life.  I just need to figure out what I want to do with my life now that I am alone.  I have had gambling urges here and there, but I haven’t acted upon them. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15349
      ready2change
      Συμμετέχων

      hi Liz hope you and carol have a great time from the sounds of it use will. its great to get away on a break with good company. take care

    • #15350
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am leaving early tomorrow morning for home.  I have had a wonderful time with Carole.  She took me to Banff, we rode the gondola, Lake Louise was breathtaking, and we were on top a of glacier at the Columbia Icefields. The hotel we stayed at had a beautiful cave grotto hot pool, so relaxing. We had fun shopping and doing a lot of eating. I miss my Grandson and he started 2nd grade today. I am sure he will have a lot of things to tell me about his day!!   Seize all the good things in life

    • #15351
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Way too much eating!!! Glad you arrived home safely. Kevin asked where his Dad was, and his sister had to tell him that his Dad had **** a few years ago. Brain injuries are just so sad! Carole

    • #15352
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Yes Carole, way too much eating!!  LOL!!!  I feel for Kevin and his family.  I had a awesome day with my Grandson. We went to the butterfly exhibit, the largest one in America.  It was awesome!   I had a big butterfly on my head for the longest time.  Finally, I asked a worker there to remove it.  We went to Walmart afterwards to get my Grandson some new school clothes as he has outgrown everything.  I also bought a toy organizer for his room here.  We came home and went swimming with all the kids who live here.  A busy day!!!  We are going to meet my Daughter in the morning at church.  Afterwards, she is going to show me their new apartment and my Grandson’s new school.  We plan to go for lunch also.  My Grandson has been stuck to me all day.  He missed me a lot when I was in Canada. I feel the same!! No thoughts of gambling for me!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15353
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Oh, I am moving slow today.  Yesterday, we went full blast all day!!  We are going to the later church service today. I had thoughts this morning of my Husband but they were happy thoughts.  I need to contact my lawyer this week to get the condo issue taken care of.  I feel like that is the only negative thing hanging over me.  Two women who live in the condo community have asked me to go to dinner with them soon.  I know one real well but not the other one.  I didn’t hesitate and said yes.  I need to put myself out there more as I would like my circle of friends to be larger.  Being married for so many years, I didn’t pursue a lot of friendships as he and I were together most of the time.  So, at 55 years old, I am trying to make new friends and adventures.  My old life is gone as I know it and it’s time to reinvent my life being alone.  Exciting and scary at *****.  What’s that saying?  Life is what you make it!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15354
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz, I am so happy that you had the opportunity to go visit with Carole.  I hope that one day we get the opportunity to meet.  Your are such a big part of your grandsons life and it is such a blessing for both of you and something to be cherished!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15355
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Yes Cat, I hope we can meet someday!  My Grandson and I saw Planes yesterday.  Very cute movie!!  I had lunch with my oldest Daughter today and we went to my Grandson’s school and I met the Principle.  Her new apartment is very nice!  I feel that she is in a good place mentally and is doing all the things she ***** to for herself and her son! She hugged me when I left like she really meant it, and it brought tears to my eyes.  I am doing laundry and cleaning today.  Yeah, not fun but has to be done!!  No thoughts of gambling today!!! Seize all the good things in life

    • #15356
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      It’ so good to hear that you and your daughter are friends again (((Liz))). Your daughter seems to be managing well as she has secured herself a nice apartment. It will probably be better for everyone concerned now that she is on her own with your grandson. I bought an antique looking table for my bedroom for beside my bed today. it requires assembly and so far I’ve taken it out of the box. Why can’t things like that come preassembled for people like me? I’m signed up for the Tuesday evening recovery support group. I’ve also got an addiction counsellor again. My oldest granddaughter and I are signing up for beginner’s yoga starting in September. Carole

    • #15357
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, I bought a toy organizer for my Grandson’s room and it is still in the box!!!  LOL!!  I am going to tackle putting it together soon!!

    • #15358
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I put the toy organizer together last night! Yeah!!! I am not doing much today, cleaning the condo.  I am feeling content being at home doing things around here.  Have a great gamble free day everyone!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15359
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz, I am just checking in to see if you are okay.  I know that I don’t always post on your page, but I always read your posts to see how you are, and I noticed that you had not posted yesterday.  Have a wonderful day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15360
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! That is obscene that it was 109 degrees yesterday where you live. It was hot here as well but not that hot! It at least cooled off enough here to sleep, with all the windows open and the fan blowing. I didn’t dream about gambling, but woke up with a feeling that I had gambled yesterday, and I have to reassure myself that I didn’t. I’ve never had that happen before unless I had really gambled in real life. I certainly wouldn’t want to go to my group next Tuesday and have to say I didn’t have a good week. I’m going to drive in to the city for the group as I think it’s really important that I go on a weekly basis. I notice that when I slip and have a gamble, that my clear-headed thinking evaporates for a few days, which I don’t like. I ran to the bank yesterday evening and deposited all the cheques and cash that have been in the house since August 1st, as Danny hadn’t deposited them. I took the grandgirls as no gambling insurance. I notice that Danny is creating his own bachelor pad. He bought himself a Keurig coffee maker, has peanuts in a dispenser beside his lazy boy chair, has beer and premixed cocktails in the fridge, has organized the pantry, has went to the butcher and got himself things he likes to eat like different kabobs, etc. It’s good to see he is moving on, but I detect a certain level of anger. He mentioned that someone had told him I was on Facebook again. He made a comment about now having to explain to other people why his wife was living in the city. I asked him what time he was leaving yesterday, and his response was that he was leaving when he was leaving. I have to sort out the vehicle insurance as unless I do, Neither one of us has insurance as of August 18th. Carole    

    • #15361
      bdesai1986
      Συμμετέχων

      I’m glad you’ve taken a step toward getting your life back together. I’m just like you, I’m new here as well and looking to fight this disease to have a brighter future. I know we all can, there is so much support here from everyone and it’s amazing. The way I see it is that you already have my respect. It takes courage to take the step you’ve taken. I hope you stay strong and not give in to the urges. We are always here for you and you will have my support.forgive but never forget

    • #15362
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts.  I enjoyed the weather while visiting you Carole.  It will be at the end of October before I can open the windows, ect.. and let cool air in.  LOL!  Cat, the last few days I have been real busy.  I’m okay!  Tomorrow I am going shopping with my oldest daughter.  She is looking to buy a new bed for her son.  Maybe we can have some lunch while we’re out.  My Grandson is spending part of the weekend with me.  We haven’t decided whether we are staying home and chilling or going to do something.  I treated myself to a medi/pedi today.  I love going to the salon as the 3 women who work there are so entertaining.  They have me laughing the whole time.  No gambling thoughts lately. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15363
      finding_laura
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz,
      just popping in to see how things are going in your world. You seem to be doing well through the challenges life has sent your way. I read your post on Carole’s thread and want to say that you are such a thoughtful kind person. Sending a big hug your way! I hope you have a great day 🙂 I’ve been enjoying my summer with outdoor activities, the weather has been lovely and we’ve been out boating a lot. Just soaking up nature and the blessings in my life. One of those rare ***** in life where everything that matters is ok, family health, relationships etc. Keep stepping bravely forward Liz! Your hubby is smiling down on you.
      take care,
      Laura

    • #15364
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Laura thanks for your post!! I am glad that everything is going well for you. I think my hubby is smiling down on me also. I did have a great day!  I spent the day with my oldest daughter.  She found a bed for my Grandson and it is going to be delivered next week.  (wood bunk beds with built in drawers and a desk)  Now he can have sleep overs!!!  We had a nice lunch together.  My Grandson is spending the weekend.  It was 114 degrees today.  I would like to do something with him this weekend, but what do you do when it’s that hot outside??  We’ve seen every kid’s movie and done all the indoor things this summer.  Well, we will figure out something.  Have a good weekend everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15365
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      We spent the day indoors playing games ect…  I went through all my Grandson’s toys and organized them.  We have a lot to donate!!  We are getting ready for dinner.  I made lasagna and garlic bread.  Yum!!  Going to go to church and sunday school tomorrow.  No urges to gamble!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15366
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! Good to hear you didn’t gamble and that you’re feeling better. Sorry to hear that your grandson is in the middle of family drama once again. I loved the bunk beds you bought your grandson and the bedding that was on them. I woke up this morning to the first day of living alone in my new place with no company, other than my cat. If you read on facebook, I have had an interesting week. When I was in the country I dropped a heavy table on my foot and it burst a blood vessel and I had a lump almost the size of an egg on the top of my foot, as well as swelling, bruising, and lots of pain that first day. The blood has mostly reabsorbed in my foot, but I still have a small amount of pain, my foot is still swollen, and I have bruising. The next day I take my car into the dealership to have a complete major service where they look at everything, and I find out at the end of the day that they couldn’t do the service as they didn’t have the right parts. My appointment for the car was at 8:00 am. The next day I figure nothing can go wrong and I take my car into the dealership where I bought it in the city, to get a new windshield, and the company that does the windshields hasn’t been booked for me. So no new windshield. I call telus as I supposed to receive a new big screen TV for a 3 year commitment on my cable and internet. I was told 2 to 4 weeks and I had the installation done July 19th. The woman tells me that August 29th the request was sent to their warehouse to send me the TV and that it will take 2 to 4 weeks for me to get that TV. I told the woman that I was on my last nerve concerning telus. She gave me a bit of a discount on my next bill, but it is nothing compared to the aggravation I have gone through with their company. Then yesterday I get up at 6:00 am to attend my re-scheduled CPR/First Aid course, and the fire alarm keeps going off in the building due to water in the basement from a rain storm. I’m re-re-scheduled to attend next weekend. On the positive side, I figure that this coming week something I try to do, will work out. I have my cat and he is settling in with me. There is lots of family drama going on in Danny’s family, and I’m glad I’m not there to even see it. For all the things that haven’t worked out for me, I had no control over any of them, with the exception that I was the one that dropped the table on my foot. The person that borrowed the tables 2 months ago was supposed to return them and didn’t so I told her I would pick them up instead. "V" got her results for the 2 days of testing regarding her heart. She did not have a heart attack and she has no blockages anywhere. She was expecting the worse so she said she felt like celebrating. Kevin’s memory hasn’t improved one iota and he is taking up an acute care bed in the country hospital while his family waits for him to get into a brain rehab facility. I don’t believe that Kevin will ever be able to live independently again. His short-term memory is terrible and he seems stuck in another time. Every few minutes he asks the same question and doesn’t remember that his dad has ****. When he asks where his dad is, and he is told that he **** 5 years ago, it’s like it’s the first time he hears that, and gets very depressed. I suggested that the family steer the conversation to something else when he asks about his dad, as he is deeply hurt every time he hears that info or that they ask him where he thinks his dad is. Carole 

    • #15367
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Wow Carole, you had a heck of a week.  When it rains it pours.  Things can only get better!!  I have had a great time with my Grandson this weekend.  Today we went to the Zoo and Aquarium.  So much fun!!! We went and had Mexican food afterwards.  In for the rest of the day.  Tomorrow, doing homework as he only has two days of school this week.  He is amazing.  He has never complained about his fractured wrist or the cast.  His cast will be replaced this week with a new one (glow in the dark) that he has to wear for 2 weeks, then if everything has healed properly he can return to his normal activities, karate, baseball, and being able to play on the playground at school. He is a little trooper!!1Seize all the good things in life

    • #15368
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I missed how your grandson injured his wrist. You are sure spoiling him in a nice way. I’m sure that some things will work out this coming week. My granddaughter had a freak-out about something I posted on her fb. I told her to delete me off of her fb. If you’re posting something on a public domain, you can’t get freaked out when someone comments on something! I let her be angry and later she apologized to me, saying she was angry at something that had happened with her friends at the bar the night before, and she allowed that to fuel her anger at me, and didn’t use her skills in dealing with me, because she had been drinking the night before and hadn’t got enough sleep. So that got resolved. I also had some calm words with V as I felt that she had talked about me behind my back. All I wanted was a "I’m sorry! I had no sleep the night before and was drinking." It was just a little thing she said but I was hurt by it, so I wanted to mention it to her. We are in the process of working it out, as neither one of us wants to lose a long-term relationship over this. I’m sensitive to criticism coming out from my relationship with Danny and his family. It isn’t that I haven’t talked about people behind their back; it’s just that some friendships I don’t expect that person to say anything negative about me. Nor would I ever say anything negative about them.  Carole

    • #15369
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today we did some shopping came home and had lunch.  It’s cloudy and gloomy here today.  Nothing much going on.  I am a bit tired, it’s not easy keeping up with a 7 year old.  Looks like my Daughter won’t be here till evening time.  Long story, part of the drama!  I am doing what I think is best for my Grandson.  I can’t change anyone or their behavior, it is up to them. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15370
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I had a great weekend with my Grandson.  My Daughter and I had a talk this morning via the phone.  We are working on our relationship but it has not been easy.  It will take some time but I feel good on the progress we have made.  Little steps!!!  We are learning to listen to each other and I am working on my patience level.  I am trying to not jump to conclusions, and I am working on letting go of past experiences and focusing on the now!  I have found that how I react to events has a profound effect on the situations going on.  I am responsible for my actions not others actions.  I will continue to voice my opinions about my Grandson when I feel it is in his best interest, but I can’t cross the line with anger, I must use the voice of reason.  I am learning so much about myself.  It is never too late!!  I am going to finish going through my kitchen today, downsizing.  I have decided if I have to move from the condo after the probate has gone through, it may be a good thing.  I will have the memories of my Husband with me.  A fresh start in a new place might be a good thing.  We will see how this all plays out.  I am staying positive.  Going to the donation place today to drop off some boxes of kitchen stuff.  Going to be busy today, no urges of gambling!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15371
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) You have mentioned moving from your condo a couple of *****. I love your yard and the fact the pool is right in front of your condo. You will know if you should move and when. There may be some great deals in the upside down real estate market where you live. That may be easier than renovating in an older complex, as the value of your condo is also determined by what other unrenovated condos are selling for in your complex. I hate that part when they ****** the value of your home, as they take three other similar properties and what they are selling for. Thanks for the post on my thread. I think I am running into people in my life that have never had to take responsibility for their actions with me. Even Danny says he has always treated me nothing but nice and kind. Is he delusional?? It has been not nice nor kind. I read to my daughter what messages V and I had exchanged privately on fb, and my daughter said I didn’t say anything aggressive. V said I could talk to her if something was bothering me, so I did. I have decided not to worry about it, as it upset me for a few days. I can’t make anyone take responsibility for their words or actions, so the rest is up to her. I vacuumed a little today, cleaned my kitchen, cleaned my bathroom, and am laundering bedding. Hopefully, I’ll get my new windshield today! Tomorrow I am going to the office to pay for my professional dues and submit a learning plan and a self-******ment of my practice skills. Then I’m going to an out of town vet clinic to see about adopting a cat with one eye, as the cat with 3 legs is not up for adoption because of health ***** related to his missing leg. Ferris will love having a companion once they adjust to each other. Then I can start looking for a job. I had an anxiety attack yesterday. I tried to play it off to myself as low blood sugar and that I hadn’t eaten. So there I am shaking so badly that I had a hard time drinking orange juice and eating cheese and crackers. It reminded me so much of the anxiety attacks and the going blank in the interviews I had last year while I was looking for a job. I haven’t been gambling!! Carole

    • #15372
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      My dumb hot water heater went out today! I really didn’t want to spend anymore money on this place till I find out what’s going to happen with the probate.  I have a company coming out this afternoon to give me a estimate.  I didn’t let it get to me as things happen.  Get a new one and move one!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15373
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Sorry about your "dumb" hot water heater (((Liz)))! When you sell the condo, you can say  "there’s a brand new hot water heater!!" I was driving down Whyte Avenue today and thought of you, thought of all the places there, we hadn’t gone into. I took that big ugly rooster off my kitchen counter, and put him in the corner when you first walk into my door. Hopefully we’ll be able to see each other again, sooner than later. I’d still love to do the Oregon Coast as it’s my favorite place to go. I would have to leave the driving to you, as I’m getting to be a not so good driver living in the country all these years. Once I start working, I won’t be able to be spontaneous about travelling. That sucks for me!! Carole  

    • #15374
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      The guy is here working on draining the water heater.  It is full of calcium deposits, so draining it is a pain.  Hopefully, this won’t be a all day deal.  Carol, I am sure we will have a lot more adventures together.  I did laundry this morning and dropped off 2 boxes of stuff at the donation place.  The kitchen is now done, all the cabinets and drawers have been gone through, cleaned, and I have downsized a lot.  The next place to attack is my master bedroom and bath.  It will have to wait till next week as I am going to my Mom’s this weekend.  So, while this guy is working on the hot water heater, I guess I will play games, read, or watch TV. Seize all the good things in life

    • #15375
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Hope your Mom behaves and you have a good weekend with her!! Carole

    • #15376
      trulyshi
      Συμμετέχων

      Catching up on threads and was reading yours.  You have been so busy!!!  Wish I had some of your energy right now.  I need to take a trip to the dr’s since my right foot has been acting up the past two weeks and I am limping like crazy.  I may have damaged a nerve or ligament.  It’s frustrating since I walk to and from work each day and it takes me a lot longer than usual.  Sounds like your place is getting very organized, I love my uncluttered apartment and come home each day in amazement at how my life has changed so much for the better.  Take care and keep up the good work, Deb.

    • #15377
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Truly for your post.  I am a organized type of person, so decluttering works for me!!  I am going to spend the day with my Grandson as he has no school.  Not much planned for today.  I am sure we will find something to do.  Have a great gamble free day everyone!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15378
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! The TV has finally arrived!!! I’m going to try my hand at hooking it up later today. I woke up with a headache and am feeling tired so I may have a nap with my "boys." They haven’t fought at all, though Ferris hissed at him a couple of *****. They actually touched noses a few *****, so we’re off to a good start as far as compatibility goes. Pablo comes to me for affection as well. I can imagine how hot it is where you live. It’s been scorching here, and I’m tired of the heat. Carole 

    • #15379
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am hanging out with my Grandson today!  We have made a trip to Toys are Us and McDonalds already.  LOL! My Daughter brought over a stuffed bell pepper and grilled brussel sprouts for my dinner tonight.  She is a excellent ****!! Oh, we did get the car cleaned and gassed up while we were out.  It is 107 here today and humid.  I will get some relief from the heat when I am up at my Mom’s this weekend.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15380
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I cannot imagine living where it is so hot during your summer months, and then still hot during the winter months. It makes me appreciate the 4 seasons here. I can understand that you don’t want to spend a lot of money till you get the condo issue settled with your husband’s daughter. I’m sure that situation is stressful for you. I applied for a job that I think would suit me perfectly. It’s doing SW in a rehab facility. I really want it and I hope to be asked to interview for it. I am just so much more relaxed in my own place and life is good. I saw positions advertised in the heart of the inner city and considered applying, but in reality, I’m too scared of contracting lice, scabies, and especially bed bugs. That would stress me out too much. My two cats are getting more used to each other and are play fighting. I was telling my granddaughter that I told Danny about getting another cat, and she thinks he went quiet and didn’t get angry because he thought I was going to tell him that I had someone in my life. Why would I want to complicate my nice relaxed life with a man?? Today I am going to go out for groceries, and launder my bedding. It will be great that you can cool down at your Mom’s this weekend. I am on course the next two days and it is in an air conditioned building and I get to socialize with the other participants. My foot is still hurting so I will wear socks in the classroom as opposed to sandals. Carole

    • #15381
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I have been busy today cleaning, ect… I have had a headache all day long!  Getting ready to leave in the morning for my Mom’s.  It will be about 20 degrees cooler there and some relief from the heat.  Have a good weekend everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15382
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz, just catching up your posts, and of all the posts you have made the one that made me envious… is the one about taking your grandson to Toys r Us and McDonalds, as that is what we do with our two grandsons when we visit with them.  We are going to take a trip and spend Christmas with them.  With the exception of  last Christmas, we have spent every one with them.  I also notice that you are busy de cluttering and I know that I need to do that as well.  I am my own worst enemy as I think of all that I need to do and then I get so overwhelmed and want it all done immediately.  I have been setting an alarm and saying okay you can do it for 30 minutes and it has been working.  I hope that you have a good visit with your Mum and also enjoy the cooler weather.  I am planning to continue de cluttering this weekend.  I will keep doing the 30 minute thing and I will eventually get there.  By the time I am finished doing the house it will then be time to start again!!!  I can really see that you are getting stronger in dealing with the situation with the condo and your husband’s daughter.  You are dealing with it even though it is difficult, but you are accepting "it is what it is" and wanting to get it resolved so that you can move on.  As the song goes… You’ve come a long way babe!!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #15383
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Cat thanks for your supportive post.  I am getting help from my Daughters in my de-cluttering efforts.  I like the 30 min rule, I might try that too!  I am not as overwhelmed by things as I first was after my Husband’s death.  I am not sure what I want to do once the condo issue is finished.  My Husband bought this property.  It is nice, but not what I would of choose.  Maybe it is time to move on and find my own place.  A lot of thoughts are racing through my head concerning moving.  I am going to take things slow.  I will figure out what is the right thing for me.  It is raining here.  I am leaving soon for my Mom’s.  Have a great gamble free weekend everyone.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15384
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I had a great 1st day with my Mom then I started getting sick.  I think it’s a bad cold.  I came home this morning so I could sleep in my own bed.  It rained 2 hours straight on my way back home today, still raining here.  I think my immune system might be low as I have been having trouble sleeping again.  I guess I need to start taking the sleeping ***** my Doctor prescribed to me till I can sleep on my own again. Otherwise not much going on here.  I am just hanging out in my pjs  taking it easy!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #15385
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) Sorry to hear that you’re not feeling well. Much better to be home in your own bed when you’re sick. You have been under a lot of stress since the beginning of this year. Hope you feel better soon! Carole

    • #15386
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      I hope that you get better soon.. I think you have been really brave on this journey since the passing of your hubby. I love what you do with your grandson he is really lucky to have you and i know vice versa. Get better soon.
      P

    • #15387
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I am checking your thread to see how you’re feeling. It’s good that you have your daughter checking in on you. You have done incredibly well since your husband became ill and then passed on. I know I would have totally fallen apart, and yet you haven’t. You are truly an inspiration! I know that you are under stress with dealing with the condo issue and your step-daughter. "This too will pass!" I hope that it gets resolved quickly. Hope you feel better soon! Carole

    • #15388
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P and Carole for your posts.  Both my Daughters have been by checking on me.  I have the flu, I finally ate something today.  (hadn’t eaten anything for 3 days) I haven’t been this sick in a long time and it sucks!! Thanks for saying that I am brave and have done well with my Husbands illness and death.  Sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions.  This is a hard journey I never wish on anyone.  I still have some hard decisions to make concerning where I live.  I know that everything will be alright.  Sometimes change is good and I don’t know if I can move on emotionally or mentally living here.  I will make the decisions when I know it is right for me!!  I miss my Grandson as it has been 6 days since I have seen him.  We talked on the phone and he knows Grandma is sick.  I am going to rest some more so I can get better soon! Thanks for caring.Seize all the good things in life

    • #15389
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hope you are feeling better soon Lizbeth,
      I know you think you are just going through the motions, but im sure you are making huge strides in your life. 
      Have a lovely weekend, get well soon lovely lady,
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #15390
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) It does sound like you have been really ill with that flu. Anybody who has lost a family member knows what an incredibly hard journey grief is. I had a day when my brother **** that I felt very suicidal as I didn’t think I could bear such emotional pain. It’s important to ask for support, and if a person can’t get it from family members, then they need to get it through resources available in their community. With grief a person has good days and bad days, and also very bad days. I thought that it was amazing that you were able to still take your grandson as much as you did, take your Mom to see her sister, and make the journey to come see me, so soon after your husband ****. I know that you are stressed out about the situation with your husband’s daughter, which by the way, seems ridiculous that you should have to share any of your and your husband’s assets with her. Once that is resolved, you won’t be as stressed out. It sounds to me like your decision to move to other housing, is already made, reading between the lines. A new start will probably be good for you. Experts recommend that a person wait a year before making any big changes when a person is grieving, in case a person regrets those changes down the line. Hope you’re 100% well soon. Carole  

    • #15391
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, I am not suicidal or having issues with the grieving process. I don’t know where that came from but it was kind of hurtful for me.  I am physically ill right now. I almost went to the ER 2 *****.  I think I am getting a little better as I am able to eat a little and I am drinking fluids.  In the states we are asked not to go the ER for the flu unless we have an immune system disease or we are having chest pains or are infants or elderly.  Resting and trying to get better.  Have a great weekend everyone!! Seize all the good things in life

    • #15392
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I’m sorry if you read that I was thinking you were feeling suicidal because I meant nothing like that! I was talking about myself in the very early grief process when my brother ****. That’s the thing with communication online, sometimes we don’t get exactly what the other person is saying. I’m sorry that you felt hurt by what you thought I was saying. I knew you were physically ill with the flu. If I thought anyone was feeling suicidal I would phone them, not communicate online. I was saying that I thought you had managed incredibly since your husband ****. That you were inspirational on how you have handled things. Carole

    • #15393
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am glad to see that the new site is up and running! I have been gamble free. Although I have had a few urges. After over 3 weeks with the flu, I am almost at 100 percent. It really knocked me down. I am leaving on Thursday to take my Mom to see her 91 year old sister again. Her Parkinson’s is getting worse and I fear that this might be the last time we see her. So, on the road again to California. I haven’t heard anything from my lawyer concerning the condo and my step-daughter. She hasn’t responded yet to the letter sent to her 10 days ago. It has cooled down a little here and swimming season is coming to a end. That’s all for now. I need to do some cleaning and laundry before I leave on my trip. Take care everyone.

    • #15394
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz,
      Hi!
      Your thread is scrambeled eggs!
      I saw posts from 2013 and 2011 on the same page!
      Take care!
      bettie

    • #15395
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Bettie, I too noticed that my posts are out of order! I am feeling much better, that flu knocked me down for over 3 weeks. My Daughter and Grandson and I went out for dinner tonight and spent some time together. Thursday I leave with my Mom for California as her only sibling, her Sister who is 91 years old is not doing well. Her Parkinson’s has gotten worse and she is very weak. We will be gone almost a week and although I know it is going to be a sad time for my Mom, she will be able to spend some quality time with her Sister. She didn’t want to go at first, but I asked her to think about it as I didn’t want her to have any regrets when her Sister dies. I will be able to see some cousins whom I haven’t seen in years. I think it will be a good journey. I am doing well emotionally and my youngest Daughter and I are almost done sorting things out at the condo. I have one last ****** to tackle and I am done. I haven’t heard a reply from my step daughter yet. I am going to contact the lawyer when I return from my trip and discuss what we should do next. I haven’t had any gambling urges lately! Trying to stay busy! Take care everyone.

    • #15396
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Lizbeth))) I was just checking to see how you are and why you have not posted, but I am relieved to see it is because you are away with your Mother on a trip to see your Aunt. I look forward to reading your post when you return. I hope that you are having a nice visit with your Aunt!!! Have a great day.

    • #15397
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Cat! I am home from my trip. I am tired as I drove straight though to my Mom’s house yesterday, 13 hours. It was a good visit with my Aunt and Uncle. They are both so frail. We had a big dinner with my Cousins, whom I don’t get to see very often. Glad to be home. There’s no place like home!

    • #15398
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Oh, I have another cold. I think I am just getting run down. I need to take better care of myself. I have a appointment on Monday with the lawyer. He had to hire a skip tracer to find my step-daughter as the last address I had was not good and the letter he sent was returned undeliverable. I have decided that when the condo is in her and my name that I will have a appraisal done and then she can buy me out or we will sell it and split the proceeds. My oldest Daughter, Grandson, and I are moving to northern Arizona, about 1 hour from where my Mother lives. My Daughter has bought 40 acres and wants to build a house and I will buy a house there. The population is only 15,000 and we think it will be a good change for us. She is opening her own business there and has already found a retail shop to rent. I am hoping to be able to stay here till after Christmas. My Daughter isn’t going to move till next May when my Grandson’s school is over. I can buy a house and get settled before they move. It will be a change for us but I think a good one. My Husband’s 58th birthday would have been October 14th. Both of my Daughters, Grandson, and I are going to San Diego for 2 days as it was his favorite place. He wanted me to take him there before he died so he could sit on the beach but that wasn’t possible. We are going to spread his ashes there. I am ready to do it and I think he would like it. My youngest Daughter has helped me go through the whole condo and I have downsized, it will be easier when I move. I haven’t had any thoughts of gambling.

    • #15399
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth: Just a very quick note in the wee hours of the morning (3:00 a.m. for me). I just read your post and I am so amazed at how strong you are and how well you have handled things since your husband’s passing. I hope you’re giving yourself credit for the remarkable way that you’ve handled things. Way to go!! You’re proof that not matter what our troubles, we can rise above it and that hard times are no excuse to gamble. Good for you!!

      Love, RG

    • #15400
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz – I am sorry that you have another cold. I hope it does not get as bad as your last one. It is wonderful to see how you are getting stronger in dealing with the loss of your husband. I know that you are still grieving and that you have good days and bad days, but you are moving forward to have a new life. I hope that you get the Condo situation sorted out soon as that would be something else resolved. I would imagine that the weather may not be quite so hot in Northern Arizona!!! I am sure that you will be able to help your daughter out with her retail business as well and it would be a new beginning for both of you. Your Grandson will be with you as well so it would be perfect. It is nice to have a plan for the future. Take care of yourself and be sure to go to the Dr. on Monday.

    • #15401
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks RG and Cat for your posts! I am thankful to have such supportive friends. We just finished having breakfast and my Grandson and I are going to the sporting goods store to get some new baseball pants. He has practice this evening. He is so happy his cast is off and he can do everything again. Thanks RG for your comment on giving myself credit. I don’t do that enough, I think I am the hardest on myself and expect a lot. But I have come a long way since my Husband’s death and I have made a lot of positive steps along the way. Moving and starting a new life is just another step. I am excited about purchasing a new home and moving to a small town. There will be less traffic, better air to breathe, and I love hiking and fishing and exploring new places. I think it is a positive change. Cat, it is warm in the summers there but nothing like Phoenix. I will have to get used to the snow, they get a little not tons of it. Maybe, I will learn to snow ski. Who knows? I will be closer to my Mothers as I will be her caregiver when the time comes, if I can physically handle it. So, all in all, I think that I am doing okay. I will miss the condo, but it was something my Husband purchased and I can take the memories of my Husband with me. Have a good weekend everyone!!

    • #15402
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I have spent a good day with my Grandson. We bought some Halloween decorations and decorated the front windows in my condo. He is going to be a ninja for Halloween and is practicing his moves with his toy sword on me. Fun!!!

    • #15403
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Too funny (((Liz))) about your grandson and his ninja moves. I can visualize him doing that! Are you planning to live with your daughter and grandson in your new digs?? I am very much enjoying living alone as I find it relaxing. No complaint or mean comment around the corner, so much better for me emotionally. No dealing with Danny’s family anymore! It’s all about me and what I need to do for myself, at my own pace. Carole

    • #15404
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz I hope that you are feeling better with your cold and that your Dr. appointment went okay. It is awesome to read about what you are up to with your Grandson. The two of you are a blessing for each other. I find that when I am with my Grandsons I look at things so differently. I look at the world or whatever through their eyes. It really helps to make you feel like a kid again yourself. I love the excitement and innocence that comes from little ones. I am so looking forward to spending time with them at Christmas. Their excitement is contagious and life is wonderful when I am with them. Have a wonderful gamble free day.

    • #15405
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Yesterday I had a appointment with my lawyer about the condo. We have decided to move forward to a formal hearing in front of a judge as the mortgage company is pushing for a personal representative to be appointed and my Step-daughter isn’t responding to the letter sent to her. It is a little more costly than I anticipated but needs to be done. I talked to the bank yesterday and I am going to get prequalified for my mortgage loan early next month. I can get a good interest rate and I intend on putting a large amount down on my new place. Then I will find a realtor in the town that I am moving to. I have a realtor here who wants to sell the condo for me. It feels strange to be selling and buying homes without my Husband. I guess it is just another part of my new journey.

    • #15406
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Nice to see things are going well for you. The new place can be like a new chapter for you and new beginning. Wishing you good thoughts across the seas

      P

    • #15407
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today was a good day! I showed my car today, he said he needed to talk to his wife first. No problem if he doesn’t want it as I will keep showing it till I get it sold. It will pay for my lawyer. My oldest Daughter is have a jewelry party are Friday, so I went over to her place today to help her clean and we went shopping for the food and drinks. She and I are getting along a lot better. It is bittersweet as I think my Husband’s death brought us together. He would be happy! It looks like it’s going to rain here. Nothing else going on. I hope everyone had a great gamble free day. Take care!

    • #15408
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today was a busy day for me. I found a realtor in the town I am moving to and on Saturday I am looking at 4 houses. She suggested no more than 4 at a time so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed. I am excited. She sent me a list and I picked out the 4 I liked. Three of them are backed by forest. Hopefully I will be in my new home by Thanksgiving so my kids and Grandson can have our holidays there. I will be going back and forth as I am still going to help out my Daughter with my Grandson. I can stay with them in their apartment. My Daughter and her business partner are opening their retail store the day after Thanksgiving. My Daughter will be up on weekends but will be in the city during the week working. My youngest Daughter and her boyfriend were over today and they are going to help me move. They said I am not paying for movers when they can do it. It looks like things are falling into place! My lawyer’s paralegal called today and I have a Monday appointment with him. Coincidently, my Husband’s 58th birthday. I hope he is going to tell me that our court date is soon. I have been doing pretty good emotionally. I still have small breakdowns but I think that is normal.

    • #15409
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I was just thinking about the name of my thread. Feeling hopeful, that is how I have been feeling the last few days! I sold my car today (the one that I was going to give to my Mother, but she didn’t want) and I am off to a jewelry party hosted by my oldest Daughter this evening. Tomorrow I am looking at homes to buy. I have come a long way since my first post here. A lot has changed in my life and I feel like I have grown a lot. The weather here is beautiful, 78 degrees. I have a lot to be grateful for. No gambling thoughts either!! Take care everyone.

    • #15410
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz I think the word “awesome” describes how well you are doing. It’s like there is a new spring in your step as you are making plans and moving forward in your life. I know that you still think of your husband and have bad days or moments, but you are taking things in your stride. I am so happy to see it as I know you have been through so much. I don’t mean that you were not close with your daughters before, but it’s like there is a new closeness with them. They sound as if they are there to support you more. I am so excited and happy for you to be looking at a new house. It sounds as if your weather is at a more bearable level now. I hope you have fun at your daughter’s jewelry party. Keep posting about all the great things you are doing as you move forward!!!!

    • #15411
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      I loved your last post, you have come a long way. You are moving forward and you have had a huge amount to deal with. I know you will have days that are terribly hard, i know you will always miss your hubby. I am proud of you. You are doing so well. You are not gambling, and you are moving ahead and doing what needs to be done in a positive way.

      P

    • #15412
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! Your life seems to be moving along pretty fast. You are a get ur done type of girl!!! Good to hear that you sold your vehicle and for the life of me can’t figure out why your Mom didn’t want that nice vehicle with a brand new motor. I’m excited to hear that you are going to have a new home. I need to come see your new place once you settle in. Is it possible that the judge could award you the entire equity in the condo? I am hoping that happens as it was the work that both you and your husband did that build up that equity. What kind of retail business is your daughter opening up?? I’m at my daughter’s looking after my granddaughters while they whoop it up in Vegas with their friends. I’ll be back at my place by Monday evening. Carole

    • #15413
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, I posted on your thread a few mins ago. My house hunting was disappointing yesterday. I understand that my choices are limited in a small town but really, some of these places were terrible. More work than I am willing to do. The last home I put a bid on but cancelled it this morning as I had time to think about it and there were things I really didn’t like. I am hoping that I will be able to go back this week and look before Friday as we are going to San Diego to celebrate my Husband’s birthday. Nothing else going on. Not gambling although I have had some urges. Keeping busy!1

    • #15414
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth i wish you well on your house hunting. So pleased to hear that even though you had some urges you haven’t acted on them. Do they have any GA or support groups near you? if that kind of thing suits you. Have a good day

      P

    • #15415
      vera
      Συμμετέχων

      Thinking of you today Lizbeth on your husband’s 58th birthday. so young!
      (Its 15th here , but still 14th with you!)

    • #15416
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Vera for thinking about me today. My day started out sad with it being my Husband’s birthday. Another first to get through. Both of my Daughter’s called me this morning with little things that they miss about their father. They both considered him their Dad as that is how he treated them. He never made a difference between them. It helped talking about good memories of him. I saw my lawyer today and filled out and signed a lot of papers for probate court. I will be going to court in about 6 weeks. The skip trace is still being conducted to find my Step-daughter. It will just take time since I had little information, just her name and last address. If for some reason she was never found, than I have to keep her proceeds for when she reappears or after 2 years I get to keep them. I have no doubt that she will be found but in the meantime I will be the personal representative once we go to court. I am going up to see 5 more properties on Wednesday morning that look very promising. Then Friday we are off to San Diego to celebrate my Husband’s birthday and life. Today was just bittersweet!!!

    • #15417
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz sometimes you just cant find the words to express what you want to say. I am thinking of you today as your face another first without your husband. Can you think of a special birthday of his that you shared and the happy memories. It is wonderful that your daughters called this morning as they are also thinking of their Dad, but I am sure they are also thinking of you and what you are facing.
      You have come a long way Liz!!!!

    • #15418
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for your post. Both of my Daughter’s and I have grown closer since the death of my Husband. It was rough in the beginning but I think everyone of us were trying to make sense of his death and find our way. This coming weekend when we celebrate his life and birthday in his favorite places and spread his ashes it will bring us even closer together. Everything is falling into place. I think that I will find my house tomorrow and I could possibly close by the second or third week of November. Going to pick my Grandson up from school at noon as it is early dismissal day. Nothing else planned. Have a good day everyone.

    • #15419
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! That sounds like a wonderful plan to celebrate your husband’s birthday and to spread his ashes the same weekend, in a place he loved! I can’t imagine that’s going to be easy for you, as it’s another final goodbye. I hope that you find just the right house for you that you can just move in to, and not have to do any major renovating. Carole

    • #15420
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am getting my stuff together for our San Diego trip tomorrow. Helped my Grandson finish his book report and we are just waiting for Mom to show up. I bought a house!! Wednesday I made the 2 hour trip to see some more homes and I found one that I really liked and it felt like home to me. My condo has never felt the same since my Husband’s death. I put a offer in and they accepted right away. I am closing on November 13th. It isn’t too far from my Mother. I have a view of the pond and it has been renovated, new carpet, paint, dual pane windows,ect..and alot of updates. It is move in ready!!! I have a nice backyard area with alot of nice trees and shrubs. Also it is all electric which I wanted as most of the places also have propane, which is very costly during the winter. I am really excited!!! Nothing else going on! Hope everyone has a great day!!!

    • #15421
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am getting my stuff together for our San Diego trip tomorrow. Helped my Grandson finish his book report and we are just waiting for Mom to show up. I bought a house!! Wednesday I made the 2 hour trip to see some more homes and I found one that I really liked and it felt like home to me. My condo has never felt the same since my Husband’s death. I put a offer in and they accepted right away. I am closing on November 13th. It isn’t too far from my Mother. I have a view of the pond and it has been renovated, new carpet, paint, dual pane windows,ect..and alot of updates. It is move in ready!!! I have a nice backyard area with alot of nice trees and shrubs. Also it is all electric which I wanted as most of the places also have propane, which is very costly during the winter. I am really excited!!! Nothing else going on! Hope everyone has a great day!!!

    • #15422
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz, firstly congratulations on your new home. You really don’t sit around once you make up your mind about something. You are moving forward to a new life. I am excited for you as you start a new phase of your life in “your home”.
      I am sure that the trip this weekend will be emotional for you, but I am so glad that you are doing this as it is another stage in the grieving process, and your family will be with you.
      You are doing great and getting there one day at a time.

    • #15423
      vera
      Συμμετέχων

      I’m delighted you have found a new home Lizbeth. I have no doubt that your husband is up there “pulling strings” for you!
      I hope your time away this weekend, despite the sadness ,will help you to move on to the next stage of your life, one day at a time!
      You really are an awesome person!

    • #15424
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz.. congrats on the new home. I am so glad its all ready to move into without needing renovations. That will be so much nicer for you. Well done on this giant step and a new chapter..
      P 🙂

    • #15425
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      I’m so happy that you found the perfect home for you. I am excited to see it and you’ll be in it for Christmas. I hope that your weekend in San Diego brings you peace. I’ve got company tonight. My littlest granddaughter is staying the night as her parents and the other two girls went to a football game in the city here. I took her to Chucky Cheese for supper, and she loved the rides and playing the games. Carole

    • #15426
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am home from my San Diego trip. We had a awesome time. We went to Sea World and spent time on the beach. Our first day on the beach each one of us found a sand dollar that was intact, a very hard thing to do as the tide usually breaks them apart. This morning was a foggy damp day. There was hardly anyone on the beach but surfers. We spread my Husband’s ashes in the ocean and each of said something about him that we will miss. It was tearful but I feel like everyone had closure, even my Grandson. Than we sat on the beach and watched the waves in silence for awhile. It was good! I am going to start packing soon as I have 3 1/2 weeks till I close on the house and that time will go by fast. Oh, I bought souvenirs for everyone at Sea World and when we stopped for gas on the way home, the place had a lot of things out front for sale. I found 2 turtles made out of plaster with rocks inlayed into their shells. I know it sound strange but they are so awesome! I am going to put them in my new back yard and they are a remembrance of our trip. Feeling good about everything right now. I haven’t had gambling urges lately. Too busy!!

    • #15427
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz I am glad that you had a wonderful time on your San Diego trip and were able to spread your husband’s ashes at a place he enjoyed. It is amazing that everyone was able to find a sand dollar intact. I am so happy that you are moving forward and making a new life for yourself. I can’t Imagine packing up in three and a half weeks. OM Gosh you are going to be busy, but it is also exciting as well!!!!

    • #15428
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz
      So happy you are with family lately and doing lots of things. A new home is so exciting. Wow. I am glad you and your grandson feel some closure with spreading hubbys ashes. It must have been hard. You are so brave Liz and I feel proud of you. You will be so busy.

      P

    • #15429
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts. I don’t know where I would be without all the support everyone has shown me. P, I don’t know how brave I am. I am just doing what I need to do and what I think is the best for me. Thank you for saying that and being proud of me. It’s nice to hear. I didn’t get much packing done today as I had laundry, unpacking to do. I am up early this morning as I can’t sleep. There is a lot going on inside of my head. The lawyer sent me all the papers he is filing to get my court date set in probate court. They can’t find my Step-Daughter. I will have to be appointed personal representative of the estate and after I sell the condo, I will have to keep her part of the proceeds till she comes forward or the statute of limitations runs out. Also, I have to be bonded to be a personal representative. This is beginning to be a pain in the butt. I will get through this with my sanity!! I won’t have a house payment, so I will be able to afford to keep paying the mortgage and association fees and utilities on the condo till it is sold. I am using most of the money left to me from the life insurance for my home. The money went fast paying for hospital bills and treatment (the 20 percent we owed) and paying off bills, the lawyer, ect. I am not complaining as I am fortunate to have it. I figure buying the house is a investment. I think I will be able to think clearer and not have so much on me when I am packed and moved and when the probate is over and the condo sells. I am excited about my new start. Vera, I feel like my Husband has been looking out for me as things seem to be falling into place. I find comfort in that.

    • #15430
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am trying to find my motivation again today. My new house inspection and termite inspection is tomorrow. I have also hired movers as my move date is November 18th. In the mist of all of this, I am having gambling thoughts. Crazy!!! I am picking my Grandson up from school early today and tomorrow and there is no school on Friday, which nixes me going to the casino. I went on my Husband’s facebook page this morning and just cried reading the caring words his friends had posted after his death and looking at all the pictures of him from the previous year and remembering his struggle with cancer and death. It just hit me hard. I am ready to move as this place isn’t my home anymore without him here. I will be sad but I am excited about my new home. A lot has happened this year and I have changed a lot also.

    • #15431
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      The town I am moving to has a casino. I have checked and there is a GA support group there that I can attend and I will continue here with GT for a lot of support. In Arizona almost every city and town has a casino. That is real sad as they are profiting from some people who have addiction problems. Just real sad!!! I have been having urges today but I have my Grandson this afternoon and my youngest Daughter is coming over after work to help me pack. I am determined not to gamble!!!

    • #15432
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      My new house passed the home inspection today, no problems. I had my Grandson this afternoon as it as a early dismissal day from school. The next 5 days are going to be aimed only at packing!!!! Oh, the skip tracer found my Step- daughter, although no contact has been made yet. She is living in a state far from Arizona and is using her mothers second married last name as her own. Her phone has been disconnected but they think they have found her employer. The plot thickens!!! In 25 days, I will be into my new home and we can deal with the condo. I am hoping for a court date in December so I can be appointed personal representative of the estate. I will be happy at this point to give her the 1/2 of the condo when it sells as I want this over with. I have a lot of things going on and when this issue is settled, I feel like I can move on and live a normal life again.

    • #15433
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I’m so happy that your house passed inspection and that the skip tracer located your step-daughter. I’m sure she will be shocked her father has passed away. I hope she does the right thing and refuses the condo proceeds. It will be great once you’re moved and can put that behind you. You have a lot going on so I can imagine that you would have gambling urges. You’re doing great (((Liz))))

    • #15434
      vera
      Συμμετέχων

      It must be a huge shock to your step-daughter to hear of her father’s passing, Lizbeth. Did she not know he was ill? Depending on your relationship with her, she may or may not take her inheritance. I must admit I have come across a couple of gold diggers in my day. Some in my immediate family. It amazes me how people react when it comes to money. All sense of dignity and respect can be lost. All you can do is what is best for you Lizbeth and that does not include gambling.
      You have born your cross with dignity.

    • #15435
      icandothis
      Συμμετέχων

      Thank you for your kind words on my thread, Lizbeth. I like what you said about reinventing ourselves and finding our own path. You are living that right now. Getting ready for your new life in your new house! I admire you, Lizbeth! A lot of change for you, but don’t give in to those gambling urges. You are a strong woman.

    • #15436
      velvet
      Συντονιστής

      Hi Liz

      You are on the verge of a new and exciting adventure and I wish you well.

      Please get yourself banned immediately from the casino.

      A new home in a new area Liz can be a good time to make new and very determined resolutions – your happiness in your new life is the most important thing.

      Put your shell turtles where you can see them when you leave your home as a reminder of all that was good in your past and also all that what was not good. There could never be a better time to put all that was not good behind you – let the turtles act as conductors who always point your feet in a safe direction.

      I don’t write on your thread much but I have read it many times and got inspiration from it. Move on and live that normal life you crave – you can do it.

      Velvet

    • #15437
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizbeth it is wonderful that you have a new home and that all is going ahead. I don’t know the story between your step daughter and her father, but I would imagine that it will come as a shock to her, and she may have regrets. I know from your posts that you are a caring person and will treat this situation with dignity. It is a very difficult situation for you and I hope and pray that you are okay with everything. In reading your posts it is as if the path is mapped out for you to move as if it was all meant to be.
      I am excited for you as it will be wonderful to have your new home to work on and make it your own comfortable haven!!!

    • #15438
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thank you everyone for your posts. Firstly, I am going to ban myself from the casino where I am moving and I am going to start going to GA meetings again. I haven’t been active in my recovery in sometime and it’s time for me to start. They think they have found my Step-daughter but there has been no contact with her yet. If they find her employer than they can send the letter to her there. There will never be any one on one contact with her from the skip trace. I wonder how she will react. She isn’t even using my Husband’s last name and she cut off all contact with him 12 years ago. They were never real close as the divorce happened when she was 2 years old. Her Mother wasn’t kind to my Husband and played a lot of games with him such as moving to another state for 2 years without notifying him. I am sure she said a lot of negative things about him. I am prepared to split the proceeds from the condo with her as that is what Arizona law dictates. I expect her to take the money. I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me. So, I don’t know what kind of person she is. It is what it is and it is for me the last hurdle I need to get over to feel like I can move on with my life. Velvet, my 2 turtles are sitting in my condo living room right now ready for our new home. Every time I look at them I will remember our trip to San Diego and my new start in my new home. Today, I will be a packing fool!!! Have a good day everyone.

    • #15439
      trulyshi
      Συμμετέχων

      (((((Liz))))))) I hope with all my heart that you will find happiness and peace in your new home as I have found in mine. Debbie

    • #15440
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am busy packing still! I am not as far as I had hoped but I am trying to get other things related to my move done also. The home inspection is done and nothing is majorly wrong, just a few minor things need to be fixed. I have my home insurance in place and today I am going to get new cell phone service and get rid of my land line. I got up early to have my car serviced (oil change and tire rotation). Utilities, garbage pickup, water, cable, and internet have to be turned on to the new place before I move in. Just time consuming things I need to get done. I did take a break yesterday and my youngest Daughter and I went to a psychic fair. Now, I do believe in God (a higher power) but I do believe some people have psychic abilities. I had a session and it was fantastic. My Husband kept coming through. The psychic told me about my new home and described the weird shaped windows in the dining room. One of my favorite things about the home. He described the backyard totally and the peaceful and quiet neighborhood. According to him, the condo issue won’t be resolved till after January. I know that is true as I don’t even have a court date yet and in December it is hard to get a court date here. It was very interesting and he said to put the condo into God’s hands and it will be taken care off. I have already done that. My Daughter wasn’t as impressed with her psychic!!! Well it was a fun afternoon!!!

    • #15441
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz you really are just going like the “energizer bunny”. I don’t know how you are managing everything that you have on your plate right now!!! I have been going through boxes that we have in our basement, as we are trying to purge and get rid of stuff. It is unbelievable how much work it is going through everything, then repacking what we are keeping. My daughter has been over helping me, thank goodness. It really makes me appreciate just how much work it must be for you!!! With working full time we are only doing it one day a week, and I am wondering if I will ever get it finished. I know that it will be worth it when it’s finished. My hubby is a hoarder with his stuff, but not like the ones on TV. It’s funny really as he is always telling me that I need to get rid of my stuff, but he has empty containers and he wants to keep them, but I should get rid of everything LOL I am glad that our daughter is helping as she is the voice of reason. We are renovating the basement for the third time as our daughter is going to move back home next year. I am actually glad as it is making us do something that we have been putting off. It will also help if we decide to sell in a few years.
      Liz, sorry to be going on about what we are doing. I think you saying about moving got me thinking how much work you are facing. You really are doing awesome, and I so admire the strength and courage that you have to move forward to a brand new home!!! You really are an inspiring lady!!!!

    • #15442
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hello lovely lady
      My goodness you have a lot going on! Packing, moving, a new start…..im sure it must be overwhelming. As you know im the believer in fate and destiny. Things happen for a reason. You seem very grounded and in control of your life. I like that you have already looked into meetings, it shows your strength Lizbeth, you wont let gambling become part of your life. Congratulations dear friend, I wish you all the best, every happiness and a wonderful gamble free future. I don’t envy the packing though!!!! Worst job ever!!!!!
      Take care, Love K xxxx

    • #15443
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hello lovely lady
      My goodness you have a lot going on! Packing, moving, a new start…..im sure it must be overwhelming. As you know im the believer in fate and destiny. Things happen for a reason. You seem very grounded and in control of your life. I like that you have already looked into meetings, it shows your strength Lizbeth, you wont let gambling become part of your life. Congratulations dear friend, I wish you all the best, every happiness and a wonderful gamble free future. I don’t envy the packing though!!!! Worst job ever!!!!!
      Take care, Love K xxxx

    • #15444
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat and Kathryn for your posts. Cat, I always like to hear what’s going on in your life. I’ve done the renovation thing and it is a lot of work but worth the outcome. Kathryn, thanks for your uplifting post. I believe also that things happen for a reason and in fate and destiny. I didn’t do a lot of packing today. But I had my car serviced and I bought a new cell phone and service so I can get rid of land line when I move. I had a great lunch with my oldest Daughter and my youngest Daughter came over after work and we loaded up a cabinet my Sister was storing over here so she could take it back to her. Another thing to cross off my list. I am going to bed early so I can get up tomorrow and get some more packing done. In the evening I am going to my Grandsons baseball game. A lot going on!! I am excited to move into my new place and start the next chapter of my life. My Daughter’s retail shop opens the day after Thanksgiving. It will be a exciting time for her. My Grandson says he is going to have a desk there also and work and help his Mommy. What a good boy! Thanks everyone for your support. I am hoping to be able to contribute more to everyone once I am settled.

    • #15445
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Just a update that everything is proceeding with my new place. The home inspector found a few little things that need to be fixed before I close. My realtor submitted the list to the buyer’s agent yesterday and there should be no problem. I asked again if I am still doing my walk through and closing in 14 days and the answer is YES!!! I already have movers in place (5 days after closing) and I am at the half way point of having the condo packed up. I started a list of things I need to get down and changed over prior to my move. It will take me awhile to unpack as I will be coming back and staying with my Daughter 2 days of the week to help with my Grandson. His team won the baseball game last night and he got the game ball. He has progressed a lot in his playing and sportsmanship skills. Oh, I worked in the snack bar the first half of the game as it is on a volunteer basis. He is growing so fast and not my little guy anymore. He is spending Friday night with me so I will try to get in as many hugs and kisses as I can! Well, got to go and get back on the packing. Hope everyone has a great gamble free day. Take care.

    • #15446
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Well a few more glitches on the way to my new home. The seller’s agent had to go out of town for a few days so the list of things to fix hasn’t been presented to the seller yet. I am hopeful that things will be taken care of and I can close by the 13th and that I won’t have to change my date of moving. I am still packing and preparing for the move. I took yesterday off to spend the day with my Grandson. He spent the night and we went to a movie. When my Daughter picked him up today we had a little birthday party for her (tomorrow is really her birthday). We bought her some new boots for when she is in our new hometown and a infinity necklace, which she loved. We even baked cookies for her. He was so happy to see his Mom happy. The days seem to be flying as I am so busy. My youngest Daughter is coming over tomorrow to help me so more. I am 3/4 of the way packed. I am so excited about the move!!!

    • #15447
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Things are moving ahead with my new home. The seller wants to give me a credit towards the little fixes I need to do. We are just waiting to see how much. I was so surprised to find out yesterday that I have a probate court hearing for December 4th. I thought I wouldn’t see court till after the new year. Apparently, no contact has been made with my Step-Daughter. They thought they had found her but have ran into another dead end. I am trying to concentrate on my big move. I close on the house in 8 days and I officially will be moving 5 days from the closing date. Very exciting! We are planning to have Thanksgiving dinner in my new home. My Daughters and Grandson are very excited also. No time to let gambling thoughts creep into my head. But I also know that once I have moved I need to not become complacent and need to be active in my recovery. I feel like I have come a long way. Only months ago my world fell apart with my Husband’s death. Now I am starting a new chapter in my life. I feel like everything is going to be fine and that I have found some peace.

    • #15448
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      We never quite know what life will throw at us.. life did throw you something pretty major to deal with and you are transitioning now in a beautiful way. I hope for the best for you with your new home and your court proceedings. I am wishing it goes in your favour as you have been the one to be there.
      So happy to read that last line of your post, peace is the highlighted word to me there. That makes me smile

      P

    • #15449
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for your post. I am moving right along as I am closing on the 13th and moving on the 18th. I have accepted the seller’s credit allowance. I am almost all packed. I went this morning and had my eyebrows done and hair trimmed. I feel like a new woman!!! I was a bit irritated yesterday and I want to gamble. But I didn’t gamble and I am dealing with the hurt. My Mom has been talking about me to my Sister. Anyways, my Nephew told my youngest Daughter some things that were being said. It was hurtful. Isn’t your Mom supposed to be supportive and loving? I am moving close to her and didn’t know she felt this way towards me. I know that some of what was said has lost it’s original meaning as I am hearing it in the 4th person. I called my Mom and only addressed one thing, that she wasn’t happy that myself, daughter, and Great-grandson were moving there as she felt we were invading her life. She didn’t deny it. I told her that we didn’t need to see each other daily and if she wanted to see us once a week or whatever it was alright with me. I asked her to talk to me instead of my Sister (whom isn’t talking to me), She was real vague and acted like she did nothing wrong. My oldest Daughter said she felt the whole thing amusing that they had time to discuss our lives and that they weren’t going anywhere and that we were moving forwards. It is what it is, but it was hurtful to me! I accepted the pain and I am working through it as gambling isn’t going to help. How can family members be so mean and petty? I thought I could help her with her yard work and spend time with her as she is alone most of the time. Well, I do have my own life and I will keep busy.

    • #15450
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      I thought I had the only mother that was envious of her children! I saw something on FB reciently. It was something to the effect that to” be careful what you say to your children, it becomes their inner voice later.” I responded to my friend that posted it that that finally explained what was wrong with me! I can’t remember my mother ever saying she was proud of me. She never told me I was pretty. The first time I remember her telling me she loved me was when I was 16 and in very bad condition after having my gall blatter and apendex removed.
      In recovery I am learning to let that stuff go. She had an awful childhood where she went hungey and was insecure. I have to accept she did the best she could. It wasn’t that I wasn’t loveable, she just wasn’t capable of giving what she didn’t have.
      My mom is an unhappy person and she gets kicks out of saying stuff to tick people off. A great example is watching the Bears game and they screw up. She wil say something like “Ha Ha HA! I KNEW they would loose!”
      Looks like I ran away with your thread-sorry about that!
      You’re doing great Liz! Don’t let her take your joy!
      bettie

    • #15451
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz it is interesting as I think all of us have challenges with families at one time or another. Personally, I would have thought your mother would be thrilled that you are moving closer to her. As well as her Granddaughter and Great Grandson being close to here. It will be interesting to see if she changes her way of thinking once you are there. Also, who knows what your sister has been saying to her. Your sister may be feeling guilty that you are going to be closer to your mother, and who knows she may be a bit jealous. Your sister may have been saying things to your Mother about you moving closer to her, and how it could be an impact on your Mother’s life there. I am just surmising, but who knows what the future will bring in regards to your Mother. As she gets older your mother may be the one saying how she is glad that you are living close to her.
      I am glad that everything is working out for you in regards to your new home. It will be wonderful to have a new home that you chose. It will be so much fun for you to add your own personal touches to make it your own. It is an exciting time for you and I am sure that it will keep you busy until you get it how you want it.
      Liz don’t let anyone spoil this exciting time for you. You have been through so much and it is time for you to have some positive energy around you. You are one amazing lady and you go girl!!!!

    • #15452
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Bettie and Cat for your posts! My Mother is a very angry person. I have tried everything to get her to open up to me but she won’t. I think she likes to stir the pot between my Sister and I. We all know someone like that. I don’t talk to part of my family as they stopped talking to me and my oldest Daughter after the death of my Husband. They acted inappropriately and were very rude. I have stayed out of their lives but have hopes that one day we will talk again. If there is any jealousy on their parts that is very sad as the only way that I am being able to make this move is because of my Husband’s death. (insurance) I would give anything in this world if things were different and he was still here with me. If my Mom gets ill or something happens to her, it would be me taking care of her not my Sister. She told me a long time ago when my she wasn’t talking to my Mom, that she was my responsibility. I have never told my Mom the horrid things my Sister has said about her. Why? But my Mom takes the time to tell my Sister everything I am doing. Yesterday when I called my Mom to try to talk to her about this situation she lied to me and wouldn’t take any responsibility for her actions. She has never been very supportive or had a lot of positive things to say in my life only negative things. I should be used to how she operates but it still saddens me. The positive, is that I am always trying to work on myself, my faults, and I try to be a better person. I am not going to let anyone steal my joy! I feel like I have came a long way in the last year! Thank you friends for your support!

    • #15453
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! it does seem funny that you’re moving to a small town and that I am now living in the city. I am so busy working fulltime now that I don’t have the time to post to others threads, like I would like to. I so enjoy living alone as it’s so much less stress and I can actually relax when I’m home. My days off are going to be Tuesdays and Wednesdays, though I think I’m going to have to put boundaries around those days for self-care as I think I will get asked to work on days off. I’m off to shower and get my war paint on for my shift today! Carole

    • #15454
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, I am glad that you are doing soo well! I am moving closer to my closing date of this Wednesday. I am going to officially move (movers) on the following Monday, the 18th. I have been emotionally detaching myself from the condo. Although I will be sad to leave my friends here, I am ready and excited for my new start. I have been having issues with the upstairs neighbors. Their son hit my new car with their car door and it turned ugly when I said something to them about it as they never said anything to me. Also, they have always been noisy. I understand they have children and I can expect some noise, no problem. But they have no respect as the kids bounce balls and jump up and down all afternoon on the weekends instead of being outside playing. So, I won’t miss having common walls on both sides of me and neighbors above me. I went away this weekend as I bought a spa package online (a lot cheaper than usual). I went by myself and thoroughly enjoyed it. I was pampered and I was able to relax and de-stress before the move. My Daughter, her friend (business partner) and my Grandson were up at the new store this weekend doing some cleaning and painting as the store will open the day after Thanksgiving! A lot is going on but things are moving and coming together for us!! No gambling thoughts either!!!!

    • #15455
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Tomorrow I close on my new home!!! I ran a lot of errands today and I fax a lot of paperwork pertaining to the new home. I think I am just worn out!! I am leaving tomorrow at 7:30 am to go to my new town. I packed the car with a lot of breakables that I have bubble wrapped. I am coming back on Thursday to pick my Grandson up from school and to spend the evening with him and my oldest Daughter. Friday, Saturday and Sunday will consist of packing the remaining things as early Monday morning the movers will be here. I am so glad that I was able to refrain from gambling and going through money that has been used to buy my new house. I feel like a hurdler, I have jump almost all the hurdles and I am approaching the finish line. Today for the first time, my Mother seemed happy about my move. I have asked her to stop talking about myself and my Daughters to my Sister as it is very hurtful and serves no purpose. It is what it is and I can’t change her or no one else. How I respond to it and handle it is all that I have control over.

    • #15456
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      It is wonderful to read your posts as they are so full of excitement as you are moving forward. It sounds as if you are running around doing so much getting everything ready for your move. It will be absolutely wonderful to have your new home. I am happy that your mother is starting to show that she is happy about your move. It is great that you have achieved all this without gambling!!! So excited for you!!!

    • #15457
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I’m so happy to hear that you’re excited about your move to your new home. Sounds like your days are going to be busy going back and forth between both places for a while. A day at a time and soon you’ll be all moved, and then you can take your time getting settled in. You’ve accomplished so much in a short period of time. I hope your condo sells quickly and at a good price for you. You and I are moving forward and we’re doing it without gambling. Woowho!!! Carole

    • #15458
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat and Carole for your positive posts! I closed yesterday on my home and everything went smoothly. I enjoyed my Mom’s company and she helped me unpack the car and we had a nice dinner together. I came home to the condo today and it just didn’t feel like home anymore. I am going to be busy the next 3 days getting the odds and ends packed for my move on Monday. Oh, small town life! I went into the gas company and paid a deposit and turned in the application for gas turn-on. The whole place consists of 2 people! The holidays are coming and there are a lot of events for us to attend, always something going on but at a lot smaller scale than I am used to. I can get anywhere in the town within 5 mins. I am going to love it!!! Carole, I hope the condo sells quickly. I am going to put it on the market after Christmas. I have heard nothing else about my Husband’s Daughter. It looks like they have hit another dead end in finding her. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found. Anyways, Cat and Carole, I am glad that we haven’t gambled either. I know if I was still gambling, I wouldn’t have my new home and be moving forwards. I think we should all be proud of ourselves. Life is good!

    • #15459
      icandothis
      Συμμετέχων

      So excited for you, Lizbeth. I’ll be thinking of you Monday. So exciting. I know you will fit right into your new home and your new town. Life is filled with highs and lows. We can tell ourselves that we need gambling to get through the lows, but it doesn’t help. It only makes everything worse. Then gambling dulls our highs. Enjoy this high, Lizbeth.

    • #15460
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thank you ican for your post. I woke this morning knowing that this will be my last day living at the condo. While I am excited for my new home and new life I am getting ready to start, I have been thinking of my Husband and our life here. I know he would be happy for me and I felt in some strange way he lead me to my new home, but it is hard to say goodbye. Everything is bittersweet! My neighbor helped me pack up my car this morning. I am done packing and ready for the movers tomorrow morning. No turning back now. I need to follow my journey and new path.

    • #15461
      charles
      Συντονιστής

      Good luck in your new home Lizbeth.

    • #15462
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz I have been thinking of you lots and praying that all is well in your new Home. I am sure that you may be feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that you have to do to get settled, but remember it is one day at a time in this situation as well. I am sure you are busy unpacking and making your new home into your safe haven. I look forward to reading your post all about your move and getting settled. I thought I would just give you a reminder to ban from the Casino that is in town. It would be good to say that you have never been in it. Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!

    • #15463
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Charles and Cat for your posts. The move went smoothly. I am half way unpacked. My Mom helped me yesterday. A few times she became real tense and controlling, so I tactfully suggested that she go home to rest as we did work hard yesterday. I need to set up my boundaries with her so I don’t get stressed. She seems to take the victim role when she is called out for her behavior. Enough of that, my home is everything I thought it would be. I felt at home as soon as walked through the door. All my utilities and cable and internet has been turned on. I have a lot of yard work to do but I am going back to Phoenix today for 2 days to take care of my Grandson and I will stay at his house. I will be going back and forth till May when school is over and they officially move here. Anyways, it is raining here so the yard work will have to wait. My next door neighbor swept my driveway (leaves) for me the day before I moved in. He and his wife are real nice. A elderly woman lives on the other side of me. I am close to a pond and the geese were in full force yesterday evening. About 10 of them decided to come up to my street and were in people’s yards. One even chased a teen on his bike. So, we will have to watch out for them. The school bus travels right in front of my home. The move was a lot less stressful than I thought it would be and I am happy I did it. I need to go to the condo Friday on my way home to pick of my outside plants. Cat, I will ban myself from the local casino. I have so much to do around here than I haven’t even thought of gambling. Have a good day everyone.

    • #15464
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz you really sound more content and happy when you are describing what is going on around your new home. The fact that you have already met your nearest neighbours is great. It sounds as if they are considerate as well, the fact that they swept your driveway before you moved. I am so happy to hear that you are feeling more content. You are going to be busy back and forward until May, but that is okay as it will be a transition period for you. When is your daughter’s business opening? I am just so happy for you that you are moving forward with your life. You really are handling everything so well, and taking things as they come. Have a wonderful time with your Grandson this weekend. I am sure that he will be excited that you are staying with him!!!

    • #15465
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Cat, it is always a pleasure to have a post from you. I do feel more content these days. I took my Grandson to school this morning and I will pick him up this afternoon. He has a baseball game this evening and Saturday is their last. They are undefeated!! I slept with him last night and he told me that he didn’t want me to go home on Friday. It feels good to have someone love you that much! I am doing some laundry and straightening up my Daughter’s apartment for her today. Her store is going to open in December. She was aiming for the day after Thanksgiving, the 29th of this month but it’s not going to happen. I didn’t get that emotional when I left the condo as I feel like my new home is really home to me!! Friday when I leave to go home, I need to swing by the condo to pick up my outdoor patio plants. I won’t go back to the condo until the later part of December so I can clean before it goes on the market. My days are busy but that keeps me out of trouble, gambling!! I am going to join a gym and look into volunteering once a week somewhere after the holidays. Take care everyone and have a awesome day.

    • #15466
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz it is great to read your posts and see how far you have come. You are thinking and planning for the future with your move. You are talking about joining a gym and volunteering one day a week. I think you would enjoy volunteering with something to do with kids. You always enjoy your grandson so much. I love being around kids as they make you smile and their excitement is contagious, and you cant help but be happy around them. There are a couple of things that I would love to volunteer at and they are, the hospital holding and hugging preemie babies, and with kids reading to them. I am hoping to retire in 2015 so we will see how I feel then. You are doing amazing. Have a wonderful day and enjoy the love and feelings that your grandson brings you!!!!

    • #15467
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      I am so pleased that move went so well for you. That grandson is so lucky to have such a caring grandma. No wonder he doesn’t want you to go home… 🙂
      Your new place sounds like a breath of fresh air and that new chapter can contain whatever you want it to now, gym, volunteer work, that sounds amazing. You are an incredible woman Lizbeth.

      P

    • #15468
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Cat and P! I came home this afternoon. It is raining and is supposed to be for the next 3 days. It was quite foggy once I was up in the mountains. My Mom and I went grocery shopping for Thanksgiving which will be at my new home. She was sweet and had made stew and cornbread for our dinner. My Daughter and Grandson are coming up tomorrow after his championship play off baseball game. I was there Thursday to go to his game. His team is undefeated!!! I assured him this morning when I took him to school that we would see each other tomorrow. He said it was more fun when I was around. It was raining when I took him to school and he thanked me for getting him new sweat pants and socks. He is a character!!! I am happy with my new place though I need to do some small fixes. I am going to contact a handyman this week. Thank you all for your support. I went by the condo on my way home to get my patio plants and I was emotional at all. The next big hurdle is my hearing to be personal representative of my husband’s estate on Dec. 4th and then to sell the condo. I think it will go fast. It needs some cosmetic work but I think if I price it right it won’t be on the market long. God has heard my prayers and has guided me to where I am today. I feel like everything with the condo is going to be okay. Take care everyone!!

    • #15469
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I really liked your condo, especially your yard, but like you said, it was your husband that purchased it, and it no longer felt like home to you, since he passed away. Hopefully it will sell quickly so that you no longer have to deal with it anymore. You have been very busy ever since your husband passed away. You do need to identify some things you enjoy to do, before everything gets resolved in your life such as the condo selling, and the court stuff with your husband’s daughter. You don’t want huge gaps of time where you have lots of time to think about gambling, and you’re at a point where it’s like “now what??” Any plans to get a cat for your grandson??? There will be challenges with your Mom and daughter as negative behavior patterns just don’t go away, even if our hope is for a happy family that gets along well. You have rocked recovery, even with going through the cancer journey with your husband, and his subsequent death, so give yourself a lot of credit for that. I couldn’t have done what you have done, and not fallen apart! Carole

    • #15470
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for the post! I liked things about my condo but it didn’t feel like my home anymore without my Husband there. It was time for me to move on!! I am going to get a dog sometime next year, probably when my Daughter and Grandson move here in June. It will be a commitment and a lot of work but I love animals. I am thinking of a Golden Retriever. I am looking forward to getting the court thing (Dec. 4th) over with and selling the condo. I am going to find a gym here to join after Thanksgiving. There are 4 to choose from, so I need to see which one will fit me the best. I took a little walk today as it is beautiful here. My oldest Daughter (who is opening the shop here) and I are getting along so well and our relationship has never been better. I think we both have done some changing for the good. My Mom and I are trying. So, I feel positive about that. Our family will never be perfect, who’s is? Thanks Carol for your encouraging words. Looking back to January of this year when we found out my Husband had terminal cancer and his death till now, it blows my mind that I made it through all of that without totally losing it!! I pulled a lot of my strength from my friend’s support. So, thank you all who always were there and send me your prayers and support!! This move and my new home was one of the best decisions that I have made for myself. It’s lovely here and though I have to do yard work now, LOL, it is so peaceful and relaxing here. I found HOME!!

    • #15471
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      That is true (((Liz))) that you are going to have yardwork to do in your new place, so that will take up some of your time. A dog sounds exciting. Those larger breeds need to be walked so you’ll get exercise doing that as well. Maybe you can get a cat as well. There are so many cats and dogs that need forever homes. I wish people would be more responsible and get their pets spayed and neutered. I used to love our acreage and will miss the whole cycle of life in the spring and summer. Small town living is wonderful if a person can find enough to do. I’m sure that won’t be a problem for you with your grandson, daughter, and mother living close to you. Is your daughter going to have a web site for online buying? How is your Aunt doing in California?? Carole

    • #15472
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post Carole. I don’t mind doing yard work, it is therapeutic for me. I would love a dog but I don’t think I am getting a cat. Only one pet for me. I can always find something to do here or the surrounding areas. I am going to join a gym, get my house and yard in shape, maybe volunteer, the museums here are asking for volunteers as is the animal shelter and help my Daughter with my Grandson and at the shop when she needs me. Right now my Daughter isn’t doing any online selling. Maybe she will when her boutique is up and running and is stable. My Aunt in California is fine but her Husband was in the hospital for 1 week. He had to have his lung drained and the doctor punctured it. He is home now and doing alright. My Cousin (their oldest Daughter) lives with them and takes care of them or they would be living in a assisted living home. I made deviled eggs, pumpkin bread, and have everything ready for dinner tomorrow. I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Have a great day.

    • #15473
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanksgiving was awesome! I baked my first turkey as I always brought the ham to dinner. It was so moist and delicious. My ex-son-in-law came up and he is staying here helping my Daughter with her new shop. He is building 3 dressing rooms for her this long weekend. My Grandson and I are hanging out playing games, ect… My ex-son-in-law is a electrician and he fixed my electrical problem. Now my shed has electricity and I have outside lights in the backyard. It took him about 5 mins. to figure it out. I have enough left overs to feed a army so I told my Daughter and friends at her shop to come by and eat whenever they are hungry this weekend. Life is good and I am happy!!! Hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving!!!!

    • #15474
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      it was so nice to see your positive post today. It made me smile when i read it as i felt that feeling of happiness you were spreading with your words. So happy that things are going well for you. i really admire your attitude to life, you’ve been through so much and you stand tall today.. way to go!!

      P

    • #15475
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today was another peaceful, content day! I went to Home Depot with my handyman/neighbor and picked up the rest of the stuff for the little fixes at my new home. He fixed everything inside and is going to clean the gutters and trim some huge bushes in my front yard. I took my Mom to the dollar store and picked my Grandson up from his Mom’s boutique. We have been playing games and are getting ready for dinner soon. Some glitches in the building of the clothes racks and dressing rooms are being figured out today and hopefully they will be finished by tomorrow evening as my Daughter, Grandson, and the people who are helping her have to leave to go home and back to work on Monday. Starting a new business can be stressful and challenging but my Daughter is hanging in there. A flock of ducks just flew past my house, amazing!! I hear the geese again. Tomorrow my Mom, Grandson, and I are going to a art and craft show. It sounds like fun!!! P, this is the happiest I have truly felt in a long time! My Grandson had a crying session last night about his Papa! I just held him tight and let him cry and I cried with him. He is missed so much!!! But I truly believe that he is watching over us and is happy with the choices that I have made.

    • #15476
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      It’s so nice to see you so happy (((Liz)))! Your first turkey; way to go!!! It sounds like you have considerate neighbours! I saw the pictures of your backyard and the surrounding area, and it looks gorgeous and relaxing. Are you going to transplant your memorial bush from your condo yard??? Carole

    • #15477
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Carole, I didn’t take the memorial bush with me as it would die here with the colder weather. I wanted to take the butterfly bush also as my Husband and 2 Daughters planted it 8 years ago to replace a bush that died, but it thrives in the heat. So, I left them both. I have so many rose bushes and trees (1 peach tree) and other plants, plus a lot of wild strawberries in my yard. Maybe this spring we can plant a new memorial bush for my Husband. My Mom and I went to the Art and Craft show. I bought myself a turquoise necklace and a new scarf (purple). We went to a upscale shop here and I bought a new pair of dress pants and a blouse for court on Wednesday. We picked my Grandson up from the shop and he and I had lunch and are playing computer games and talking. They are going home in a few hours but I will come to Phoenix a day earlier (Tuesday) and spend 3 days with them before I come home, going to court and helping with my Grandson. I need to put my Christmas tree up this next weekend as we will celebrate Christmas early as my Grandson and his Dad and his other Grandmother leave for Hawaii on the 19th of this month. I will pick up his new bike tomorrow for my Daughter and I ordered his new Ipod and it will be here next week. We decided to get him big gifts and not a lot of little things. He will celebrate Christmas in Hawaii with his Dad’s family. His birthday is in the first half of January, so more presents!!! The court date is almost here and I am ready to get it over with. I haven’t done much around the new home the last 4 days as I have had my Grandson with me most of the time. So, this next weekend I need to unpack some more boxes. I am down to 10, and I want to do some more yard work. Carole, it is beautiful here!!!! I love it and my new home. I will go to the condo while I am in the city and see if there is any mail in the box and check out the condo. It seems like I am real busy all the time!!!!!!

    • #15478
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I made it to the store and picked up the bike for my Daughter to give to my Grandson for Xmas. I had a rebate debit card from my new cell phone provider so I used that to pay for 1/2 of the cost of the bike. I am sitting here with the doors open enjoying the breeze and sunlight. The handyman/neighbor is putting new motion lights up in my backyard and he cut back the shrub in my front yard earlier. He is going to clean out the gutters today also. Tomorrow I go back to the city till Friday. I need to pack a light bag latter. I would never go back there if it weren’t for my kids and grandson and of course court and the selling of the condo. It is so peaceful here and it suits me just fine. But I need to tie up the legal issues and selling the condo and I want to help with my Grandson. He didn’t want to leave yesterday. It was a tearful event even though I will see him on Tuesday. He says the new place feels like his home!!! I feel the same way.

    • #15479
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Lizbeth I am so happy for you that you feel you are home in your new house. I have a feeling that wherever you are that your Grandson would feel he is at home. It is obvious that the two of you have such a wonderful bond and it is heartwarming to read about it. I don’t know why but I have this picture of you at your hew home surrounded by a white picket fence. It is wonderful to hear the serenity in your posts lately. I know that it has been, and will continue to be difficult for you on the loss of your husband, but you are moving forward and making a new life. Your strength and courage is admirable in how you have dealt with everything that life has thrown at you. I am so happy for you and wish you nothing but joy in your new home. Have a wonderful gamble free day. Just a friendly reminder to get yourself excluded from the Casino. The reason I mention it is because I have been having lots of thoughts of gambling lately and it makes sense to have barriers in place, if you can!!!

    • #15480
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Cat! Thanks for your post. I did ban myself from the casino last week. Yeah!!! I went to probate court this morning (a friend went with me for support.) Everything went fine and I was appointed personal representative of my Husband’s estate. This paves the way for me to sell the condo. His Daughter hasn’t been found but I was reminded by the Judge that I will have to protect her assets from the selling of the condo. It’s all good and I feel like much was accomplished today. I went by the condo and picked up some stray mail and turned in the cable boxes and had the service turned off. I am here in the city till Friday afternoon, then back home. Cat, I don’t have a white picket fence around my home but it is so perfect for me!!! Take care everyone and have a great gamble free day.

    • #15481
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      Just doing another post before i start work. I am so pleased for you and so glad those court proceedings are over. I just feel life can really move forward for you now. I know you will always have hubby in your heart and i know times will still be hard but i am so happy to see your positive and beautiful outlook on life. I can tell you are a kind person Lizbeth. So happy for you.

      P

    • #15482
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for your post! OMG, today was a hard day. My Daughter and her business partner are calling it quits already and the shop hasn’t even opened. They are not agreeing on anything and the stress and tension has been mounting. The business partner has been shady in some of the things she has been doing and my Daughter wants out. So, her partner is buying her out. She is getting out of the lease (building), but it will take some time for her partner to repay her. What a mess! The sad part is that a friendship is over. My Daughter was feeling relieved today and less stressed about the situation. Better now than down the road when more money and time has been invested. Now my Daughter and Grandson aren’t moving here. But I am staying here as this is now my new home and I am comfortable here. I am only 1 1/2 hours from them. I will still go to the city for 2 days every week to help with my Grandson till school is out. On a happy note, it is snowing here. I love it!! My Grandson, Daughter, and I put up the Christmas tree and decorations today before they went home. We are celebrating Christmas here for my Grandson next Sunday as he is leaving on the 19th for Hawaii. Oh, I went to a estate sale the other day. I was coming home from Walmart and spotted the sign and went to check it out. I spent $18 and bought a cool serving bowl, and a old chair for my bedroom. I was thrilled with my finds. I plan on doing some Christmas shopping tomorrow if the weather permits. I hope everyone had a great gamble free day!!

    • #15483
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz it is interesting how you post about things that are not working out as planned for your daughter and Grandson, but dealing with it in a positive way. I learn so much from reading your posts. I am so glad that you are happy in your home. It sounds as if the move was the best thing that you could have done for yourself. You sound as if you are enjoying life and taking things as they come, for example just going to the estate sale and getting yourself something. You are doing things you want to do and enjoying life. I know that you are still grieving, but you are handling things so well. Have a wonderful day!!!

    • #15484
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for your post! I have to stay positive as the 2 months that I took care of my Husband while he was dying and the months after while I didn’t know if I was going to be able to make it without him were nothing but hell and very negative. I feel like there is nothing now that can keep me in a negative mood. It’s not worth my energy. I am healthy and so is my family, so I need to start each day positive and stay that way. I am happy to say that my Mom and I are getting along much better. When it gets to be too much or I feel overwhelmed, I take a break from her and regroup. I have changed soo much since my Husband’s death as the little things that used to upset me no longer do. So, some good did come from his death. I see life a lot differently than I used to and I appreciate it more! I am still happy and content with my new home. It suits me!

    • #15485
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Wow i just loved that last post of yours Lizbeth. You are so strong, you have an amazing attitude to life. It is amazing sometimes the big and hardest things in our life end up being our greatest teachers, for me i learn so much through pain.. I can’t say how much i respect your attitude Lizbeth it is wonderful to see. Your hubby will be looking down on you smiling at your progress i am sure, he would want you to be happy. I know some days will be hard but you are doing your all to have a good attitude and i love how you are getting along with your mum better too and your closeness to family. they are lucky to have you you know. Sending you a big hug from across the seas today

      p

    • #15486
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for your post! Most of my days are happy but I do get sad when I see a couple around the age of my Hubby and I holding hands. It reminds me of something I don’t have and that I took for granted. I think my Hubby would be proud of me for moving on and staying strong and getting business done, not falling apart. He said he was always amazed at me for dealing with home, work, the kids and Grandson and being able to plan things in my head for future reference. He said he could only do one thing at a time and couldn’t think about more than 1 plan at a time. LOL!! I did some grocery shopping today as my Grandson will be coming home with me on Friday. I still have snow in my backyard, it hasn’t melted yet. I am playing the go between for my Daughter and her friend/business partner via emails. I am trying to get her off the 3 year lease (store). Everyone is agreeing to it, so I am waiting for the paperwork to be emailed to me so my Daughter can sign and have it notarized. I don’t believe it was her time to open a shop. I don’t think that she was truly ready and committed to it. Though I don’t agree with all the things that her business partner did, I have to say that there are some things I do agree with. My Daughter has a lot on her plate, her son and a full time job. I don’t think that she realized how much work would be involved. There will be another time for her. She thinks she is going to get screwed over and not be compensated for the money she invested. There was not a written contract between them only verbal. I truly believe that her business partner will pay her back her share. Don’t ask me why, I just have that feeling. I am going to help her out weekly with my Grandson as I had promised till the end of May when school is out. He can stay a lot of the summer with me and go to a day camp for part of the summer where his parents live. When school starts in the fall, they can put him into a after school program. Right now he goes to karate camp 2 days a week after school. Maybe it is good that I have moved also regarding my Daughter. I feel that sometimes I take on a lot of the Mother role regarding my Grandson and that I have enabled that. I love my Grandson with all of my heart but maybe it is time for his parents to take care of him and for me to just be Grandma. I would still see him on weekends and school breaks and if something comes up and they really need me, I will be there. Maybe it is time for me to find out what things and activities, hobbies that I would like to pursue. I hope I don’t sound selfish. I bought some dinner from the deli and I am going to take it to my Mom’s this evening. Although we don’t always see eye to eye, I know that I need to spend time with her and put my differences aside as one day she won’t be here. I don’t want any regrets. I haven’t gambled or had urges. I am just so busy traveling back and forth to the city and trying to get my house together and doing yard work. I have better things to do with my money and time. I hope everyone had a great gamble free day!

    • #15487
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I know just how much you love your grandson, and how much you have tried to protect him from some of the not so good decisions his parents have made. Kudos to you for that! But I do think that you should do some things for yourself that give you pleasure. We’re so used to being caregivers, that we don’t provide care to ourselves. I’m guilty of the same thing. Come January, I will be taking a course on how to use power tools and then am going to get involved with Habitat for Humanity. What one thing would you most like to do for yourself that you think you would enjoy?? Carole

    • #15488
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Carole, I have so many things I want to do. I would like to test my creative side. I have found a lot of projects to make that I can sell at the —— fairs around here. I have POWER TOOLS and know how to use them!!! LOL!!! I would like to join a group that hikes the trails around here, and I am going to join a gym after Christmas. I am buying myself a bike for Christmas. I haven’t rode a bike in years! I would like to volunteer at one of the rest homes. We have habitat for humanity here and 2 years ago 6 houses were built in the new town I live in. Awesome!!! I have never lived for myself, if that makes sense. I am testing out the waters and learning. I am not moving back to the city! My Grandson’s parents need to grow up and take care of him. I feel like I have stunted and enabled bad behavior on their parts as I have always put my Grandson before anyone and they know that and have used it to their advantage. I have no regrets as he is the light of my life. But now it’s my turn. I feel like there is so much for me to do and learn!!! I think it’s okay for me to put myself first for once in my life. I think I’m worth that!!!1

    • #15489
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz))) Way to go for having power tools and especially for knowing how to use them! LOL! I am happy to hear that you are recognizing that you have done too much for your daughter and ex-son-in-law, and that has perhaps enabled them to not take as much responsibility for their son, as they should have. I do hope that you can volunteer at the rest home as so many of those seniors are lonely. Hiking sounds wonderful as long as there aren’t any mountain lions around. I totally get what you’re saying about having never lived for yourself. It is time that you start doing whatever pleases Liz. Habitat for Humanity would love you as a volunteer as well, I’m sure. You go girl!!! Carole

    • #15490
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for your supportive post. Last night my Daughter, Grandson and I when to see Frozen (Disney movie). It was cute and we had a good time. This evening we are going to the mall to exchange some shoes and have some dinner. I went by the condo today to check on it and the mail and I saw a few of the people who have lived there a long time and had a chance to say hi. I miss the people but not the condo. I do need to go back and do some cleaning, ect… before January when I put it on the market. My Grandson is leaving in 1 week for Hawaii for 17 days. My Daughter suggested that I come back next Tuesday and Wednesday to spend some time with him and she said she likes having me here also. We have reached a new level in our relationship and are finally enjoying each other’s company with out feeling tension. All is good!! I’m off to meet my youngest Daughter for lunch then pick up my Grandson from school. He is going home with me after school tomorrow and Mom is going to join us on Sunday so we can celebrate Christmas with him before his trip. He is so fun to be with! Take care everyone.

    • #15491
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Taking a break while doing some laundry and packing my stuff up to go home today. I am picking my Grandson up from school as he is coming home with me. His parents have their office Xmas parties on Saturday. We are excited as we might be able to see meteor showers tonight and Saturday night. They are supposed to be over Arizona. I live in a small town and it is very dark at night, not like a big city, so we will be sky gazing this weekend. My Grandson suggested that I get a baseball mitt as he has one and we can play catch together. Okay, I can do that. His team won their baseball division and he is signed up for next season which starts in January. We invited his Dad over for dinner last night and had pizza and wings, then we all went to the mall and returned my Grandsons shoes and looked around for a bit. He was happy that we were all together. If I were gambling I would be missing all of these memories and I wouldn’t be able to get them back. I am thankful and grateful for my life now and the happiness I can find in the little things. Take care everyone.

    • #15492
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Have fun with that grandson of yours.. i was very proud to read you are going to give the parents the opportunity to find their responsibility toward their child… fantastic. Its great you are still there for them at times like their christmas parties and you still get time to be with your grandson without actually raising him yourself. Your time for that is done and it is time for you now Lizbeth, to fill your life with things that make you happy and maybe things you are yet to discover.. there is a whole world full of things out there and yes helping others is good but how about helping you first. You’ve had a rough year and you deserve time to do just what you want to do and i hope you find things that are fulfilling for you.. give yourself the chance to have some fun in your life too just for Lizbeth…

      P

    • #15493
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for the post! I am tired today so I am sit in my pajamas just taking it easy. We had Xmas for my Grandson yesterday and all went well. He loved everything. I am going to the city tomorrow and Wednesday as my Grandson leaves for Hawaii on Thursday for 17 days. I will take that time to get the rest of the boxes unpacked and work on my backyard. I am designing a outdoor living area that I am going to do basically by myself and on a budget. It is going to be awesome. My oldest Daughter told me how proud she was of me, being able to move and starting over again. It was really one of the hardest things that I have done, packing and moving out of a place that my Husband and I shared for 20 years. It was the right thing to do and I am happy. P, you are right, I need to help myself first. Next week, I am going to the 3 gyms here and find the one that suits me and I am going to join. My health needs to come first and I have put on weight since I haven’t been exercising on a regular basis. Next, I will start going to church again. There are a few here and I need the fellowship and spirituality that it provides. I would also like to join the walking group. So, there are many things that I can do for myself. I need to get off my butt and do it!!!!! Take care everyone!

    • #15494
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today, I am at my Daughter’s apartment, spending some time with my Grandson before he leaves for Hawaii. We are having dinner with his Dad’s family this evening. I went by my condo to check on everything and to pick up any straggling mail. Everything was fine. I am feeling more content and peaceful these days. When I go home tomorrow, my Mom and I are going to celebrate our birthdays by going out for dinner. I am going to get those 10 boxes unpacked and work on the yard (raking and pulling weeds). I will be able to stay in one place for 17 days while my Grandson is gone. My Mom, Daughter, and I are going out for Xmas dinner as it seems silly to cook for just 3 of us. Disappointment-no signs of the meteor showers. I think I need a telescope. My Daughter has a meeting at a bank with her ex-business partner and the investor who is buying her out. One of the lawyers who work for the company she works for is going with her to review the documents before she signs anything. I hope that this meeting isn’t called off as this woman seems to be stringing my Daughter along. I am praying that everything goes well and she can walk away with part of her investment money and no ties to the business. There is a lot of chaos going on with my Sister’s oldest son. Without going into details, he is in jail again. I feel really bad but since my Sister hasn’t talked to me since my Husband’s death, I can’t reach out to her. Anyways, she has this son on a pedestal and doesn’t want to believe he has done anything wrong. I have been hearing from other family members that he is a train wreck waiting to happen and I think that everything came crashing down yesterday for him. Denial is a strong emotion. I know, as I was in denial for a long time about my gambling problems. We all are in charge of our issues and we have to decide that we have to change. I am not saying that other’s support is essential but in the end, you that have to take the steps and challenges to change as no one can do it for you. I have the utmost respect for people who have done this. Many of you don’t know but my oldest Daughter is a drug addict. She has made many attempts to be clean and has been for periods of time and has relapsed. When my Husband was told that he was dying she went into rehab for 1 month and came out and went to outpatient treatment for 6 months while she worked and took care of her son and my Grandson. She was able to spend a lot of time with my Husband, her step-father since she was 5 years old. She was with us when he died. I believe that out of his illness something good came, her wanting to fight and work to be clean. We are working rebuilding our relationship and it has been the best its been in years. My Grandson told us recently that he is so happy that we are getting along so well together now. That makes me feel so good!!!!

    • #15495
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! Happy, Happy Birthday to you! Another year older and another year wiser as the saying goes! Your grandson will have a great time in Hawaii, and you will have the time to do what you want and to relax. I think going out for Christmas Dinner is a wonderful idea. Leave the cooking and cleaning up to someone else. I am going to my daughter’s for Christmas Day and then driving home on Boxing Day. I haven’t been back to the country since I left Danny, so it’s a bit uncomfortable for me, but I do want to see my daughter and the grandgirls. My oldest granddaughter was here yesterday making iced shortbread cookies and I ate far too many of them. I also ate far too much on our trip to Disneyland. With the new year in sight, will come new resolve as far as eating healthy. It’s great to hear that your relationship with your daughter has come such a long way. Relationships are always works in progress, and mother/daughter relationships are always the most complicated. From what you mentioned earlier in the year, I am not surprised that your nephew ended up in jail. It’s just too bad that it had to be so close to Christmas. But like you say, we all need to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Hopefully your nephew will “see” that what he’s doing isn’t working well for him, and will decide to take another path in life. It sure has been an eventful year for you, both good and bad, but you’ve managed to stay sane through it all, and you are an inspiration to me and I’m sure countless others. Carole

    • #15496
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for the post. I came home from the city today and took my Mom out for dinner to celebrate our birthdays. I was so glad to get home. I have 17 days to do things around my home. My Daughter is coming on Saturday to spend a few days with me. We are going to make Sunday brunch our Xmas meal. Carole, my Sister is bailing my Nephew out of jail as she told my Mom she was getting the money together. He is on parole so I am almost sure that he will be spending some time in prison for the assault charges. Since they are not talking to me, I am getting the info from my Mom. I hope he has learned a lesson and is willing and ready to go down another path. My Sister is in a big cloud of denial. I believe that my Nephew is using drugs again. But I have no say in the matter and all I can do is pray that he gets help to make his life better. I don’t know about being a inspiration to anyone, but I did get through this year with out totally losing it and I think that I am a stronger person. Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas!!!

    • #15497
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) You have done extremely well in the past year handling what life has thrown at you. You have shown that even in the toughest of times that you have handled yourself with dignity and strength of character. That’s what makes you an inspiration to me and to others. As far as your sister is concerned, I can understand not wanting her son to spend Christmas in jail. As you and I both know, a person will be willing to change when what they are doing is not working for them anymore. When the pain of the self-destructive behaviors becomes greater than making the change. I’m excited to see what the new year brings for you (((Liz))) and I hope it rains blessings for you. Carole

    • #15498
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post Carole! I can’t believe that I have come this far since the death of my Husband. I had a lot of support from my friends, you especially, and God. When I was going through the hard times, grieving, I prayed and prayed to have the strength to get through it. I think because of the holidays, last week was especially hard for me. I was at my Daughter’s and she cried with me and we comforted and supported each other. Mostly I have good days now. My handyman/neighbor came over this morning and told me that his Mother died on Monday. I hugged him and told him that if he or his sister needed anything, I am here. I bought a card that I am taking over later. How hard, right at Christmas time! We never know when our time will be up and I enjoy the moments now. I do what I want and I am learning to say no to the things I don’t want to do. I guess I am saying, live for now! It is snowing here today. I am not used to seeing snow so it is all new to me and soo beautiful. I stocked up on soups and I have stuff to make grilled cheese sandwiches, so I am all set!!! Carole, I totally understand my sister getting my nephew out of jail, especially because it is close to Christmas. Even though we don’t talk, I worry about her and I have concerns. I’m excited to see what the new year brings me also. I have a lot of things that I would like to do and a few adventures that I would like to experience. I am still trying to find my niche, my place in life and I know that good things are awaiting me. I hope that everyone has a great gamble free day.

    • #15499
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      PS: I just had to post this. I live near a pond, full of ducks and geese. These geese are nuts, crazy. Every so often, like right now, 20-25 geese come from the pond and invade our block. I’ve seen them chase people riding their bikes, ect… They hang out for awhile being noisy and then disappear again. Forget them moving if you are in your car even honking the horn. They will move when they want. My Mom lives about 5 blocks from me and you have to go up a little hill to get there. They even venture by her house ever so often. I am getting the biggest kick out of them!!!

    • #15500
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) The geese sound like a hoot!! I’m eating M & Ms that my granddaughter left here after baking and icing the shortbread cookies. Not exactly on my healthy eating plan. It’s cold here so I’m feeling sleepy. Glad you got the groceries you need to hunker down with. We should think about going somewhere this spring/summer, like the Oregon Coast. Carole

    • #15501
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today is sunny and 45 degrees here, no snow!! I am getting used to the colder weather and enjoying the change of scenery. I miss my Grandson a lot but he is having a blast in Hawaii. He gets to kayak, go snorkeling, a lot of hiking, riding horses on the beach, and they were going to another island for a few days. I haven’t done anything around the new house yet as I spent the last few days just relaxing and doing nothing and that’s okay! I am not really in the Christmas spirit but decorated and celebrated because of my Grandson. Everyone tells me the first’s when your spouse dies is the hardest. I still feel a little lost. I don’t want to become a recluse like my Mom. I am going to have to force myself to get out and join a organization or group so I can meet people. Sometimes though, I get so sad and just want to curl up in bed and not come out for awhile. I guess that is part of the grieving process. I am gathering information, plans, and pictures for my outdoor living space. I love it outside and I would love my back yard to be a awesome place to hang out and have friends and family over to enjoy also. We changed our brunch today for dinner this evening. It will be nice to go out and have a nice meal and relax with family. Have a great gamble free day everyone.

    • #15502
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today is sunny and 45 degrees here, no snow!! I am getting used to the colder weather and enjoying the change of scenery. I miss my Grandson a lot but he is having a blast in Hawaii. He gets to kayak, go snorkeling, a lot of hiking, riding horses on the beach, and they were going to another island for a few days. I haven’t done anything around the new house yet as I spent the last few days just relaxing and doing nothing and that’s okay! I am not really in the Christmas spirit but decorated and celebrated because of my Grandson. Everyone tells me the first’s when your spouse dies is the hardest. I still feel a little lost. I don’t want to become a recluse like my Mom. I am going to have to force myself to get out and join a organization or group so I can meet people. Sometimes though, I get so sad and just want to curl up in bed and not come out for awhile. I guess that is part of the grieving process. I am gathering information, plans, and pictures for my outdoor living space. I love it outside and I would love my back yard to be a awesome place to hang out and have friends and family over to enjoy also. We changed our brunch today for dinner this evening. It will be nice to go out and have a nice meal and relax with family. Have a great gamble free day everyone.

    • #15503
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I can only go by my experience when my brother died, and what other people in the grief support groups I facilitated, told me. The first year is the hardest, and Christmas is the hardest time to get through. I cried so much Christmas Eve after my brother died, that I couldn’t put the annual fondue dinner together for our kids, spouses, and grandchildren. They were at the house and I stayed alone in the trailer crying. My very pregnant daughter had to step up and do all the work, as I couldn’t be around people. I think that once Christmas Day is over, a lot of us that are struggling with urges, will have some respite from them. I’m so happy that you are away from living in that year round heat, and that you are now the proud owner of a house. I wish I lived closer as I would love to help you landscape your backyard. Carole

    • #15504
      kathryn
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth,
      Just wanted to say im thinking of you this holiday season. Its ok to be sad, you are allowed to miss him. Knowing your amazing strength you will focus on your beautiful Grandson, Christmas is really about the kids and im sure you will make his one to remember.
      Merry Christmas lovely lady,
      Love K

    • #15505
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      You’re not posting (((Liz)))! Are you alright?? How was your dinner with your Mom and daughter(s)? Carole

    • #15506
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      HI Lizbeth, congratulations on your new home and all that you have achieved. You have such a full life…full of people who care and love you, that I know you will be really happy! You are a most positive and inspiring person! Happy Christmas

    • #15507
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Kathryn and Sad for your posts. It is good to hear from both of you. My Daughter is leaving this afternoon to go home. She is still sleeping as we stayed up till 2am this morning. She has plans with friends to go to a Xmas eve party and she is spending Xmas day with a high school friend’s family. We had a great early Xmas dinner together and spent some great quality time with each other. We accomplished a lot in my backyard yesterday and half of the yard has been raked and weeds pulled. My house sat for over 1 year vacant so the backyard was neglected. It is starting to look a lot better with some TLC! I am planning to work outdoors after my Daughter leaves for home. I talked to my Grandson who is in Hawaii and he is loving it. In fact they are going snorkeling for a 3rd time as he loves the water and is fascinated by the water life, mainly seeing the sea turtles up close. He tried sushi for the first time yesterday and it was a thumbs down. He said he would stick to pizza. LOL!!!! I am waiting for the cable company to come out and cover the new cable line that they had to install over 1 month ago. I called them yesterday to remind them that no one had come out to finish the job and someone apparently dropped the ball as they had nothing scheduled for me!!! No big deal, it will get done today!! I am wishing everyone a Merry Christmas!! I know that I have many things to be grateful for!!!

    • #15508
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I hope that everyone’s Christmas was awesome. My Grandson called me yesterday wishing me a Merry Christmas. He is having fun and was excited about the presents that Santa brought him in Hawaii. (3 lego sets and 4 books) He is keeping a journal of all the things he is doing so he can share it with his Mother and I. I miss him but I think this bonding time with his Dad is good for both of them. I decided yesterday to go from a blond (with a lot of gray) to a light brunette. I love it!!! I wasn’t sure I could pull it off but I love the results. I haven’t been taking care of my self properly, physically and spiritually. I need to start today. I have a nice salad prepared for lunch and fish and vegetables for dinner. I am going to unpack boxes today as I have come to a standstill on that and they are sitting in the spare bedroom. I don’t want to become complacent on my gambling addiction either. That is when I have a slip and I don’t want to go there again. It’s time to put my plans in action. I have had a few urges to gamble but have been able to get through them. Yesterday, I spent the day with my Mother and on the way home there was a song on the radio that reminded me of my Husband. Oh, after a lot of crying and sadness I finally was able to go to sleep. How long am I going to feel like someone is crushing my heart??? I can’t believe that in 2 weeks (1 year ago) is when we found out that my Husband had terminal cancer. I am trying hard to move on with my life but some days are really hard. I know that I can’t go back and change the past. I can only precede forward and be in charge of my future. It’s just so heartbreaking when you lose someone who was a part of your life. I am trying to cope and have found a grieving support group here that I am going to attend. Maybe that will help me put everything into prospective. I think you just have to get through everyday and do the best you can. Also, this was the first holidays and birthdays without him. Everyone tells me that it will get easier. I guess this is something that I just need to go through. I will be alright and it’s alright to be sad. Thanks for listening to me.

    • #15509
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! How sweet that your grandson is writing down what he is doing and seeing so he can share it with you and his Mom. it’s great that he spending time with his Dad and extended family and having new experiences. Seeing turtles in the ocean and snorkelling rocks! I’m happy to hear that you have some plans on what you are going to do to stay gamble free this coming year. You have been through so much and have so much to look forward to. Those first anniversaries after a person you love dies are painful, but it does get easier as timer passes. Gambling doesn’t lessen our pain, it only increases it, as it is so unsatisfying. It’s like eating one potato chip. Gambling never fills any emotional void. It just erodes our self-esteem and creates new problems. I’d love to see your new hair color, as I’m sure it looks really nice. Good for you for having the courage to experiment. Carole

    • #15510
      icandothis
      Συμμετέχων

      Thinking of you this holiday season. I understand how difficult this time of year must be for you. May you find comfort this holiday season and much joy in the new year!

    • #15511
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the posts Carole and ican! I have been unpacking the boxes I shoved into the spare bedroom. I have made a lot of progress today as I unpacked 3/4 of them. Now, I am trying to organize everything and tomorrow I need to buy a filing cabinet to get all my paperwork. Later this afternoon I am taking my Mom to the eye doctor to get a small tumor removed from her eyelid. This is the second removal and it has come back even bigger this time. I suggested that I drive her as I don’t know if her vision will be impaired afterwards as she will have to get numbing shots in her eyelid. Afterwards we are having dinner at her house. The weather is nice here, 60 degrees. Nothing else going on. Just keeping busy and trying to get my house in order. Have a great day everyone!

    • #15512
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth, grief is different for everyone., but seventeen weeks is a very short time. Life has changed so much for you and you are an inspiration in how you have handled it all. That said I know it must be really difficult and painful at times, and you must be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time you need to grieve. Life is strange. On the one hand we are full of grief for someone. We have lost and on the other we are overwhelmed by the happiness a small child can bring. You are such a perfect granny..you seem to know all the fun things to do..movies, pizza etc. my sons gran is a compulsive gambler(. Surprise surprise). There is rarely money to be the gran she wants to be., and her mind is too preoccupied to be able to have fun with him. I know that no one in our lives has the right to abuse us or control us. That said it is often difficult to recognise this in those closest to us. You seem to be handling the relationship with your daughter really well. Parenting is so difficult. Well done on staying gamble free. When I read about your busy life, I really don’t know where you got time to gamble. Keep inspiring us!

    • #15513
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I spent the day with my Mom. We had a nice lunch. Her eyelid surgery went fine yesterday. She has a few stitches and I am hopeful that the tumor was all removed this time and doesn’t grow back. I am in a funk today and I haven’t accomplished anything around the house or outdoors. I am a little sad. I don’t know where it is coming from but I am at home now and that is where I am staying, no gambling for me. I went online and found a church that I am going to go to tomorrow. It is the same kind that I went to when I lived in the city. The minister is a female as is all the church officials . Very interesting. I keep saying that I am going to do this and that. I need to just put myself out there and try these new things and places. I really like this church as they are into helping the community. One step at a time, right? Maybe I am sad because I haven’t seen my Grandson for awhile though I have talked to him on the phone. It will be another 9 days before he is home from his trip. This is the longest that we have been apart. Even though I am sad, I think it is healthy for us both. I need to have a separate life and he needs to spend this time with his Dad and his family. He is getting older (he will be 8 next month) and I know the time will come when his friends will be the center of his life!!! I need to spread my wings and make new friendships here as I don’t have a lot of family and no friends here. I am thinking about my resolutions for the new year. My Mom and I are going to check out the 3 gyms here on Thursday and I will pick one to join. I know that when I work out on a regular basis, I feel better physically and mentally. My other goals are to put myself out there and find things to do and meet new people and just to live a good life. What else could I want. I am wishing everyone a early Happy New Years!!!!

    • #15514
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! It`s very difficult for some of us to put ourselves out there. We start out with good intentions if we find something out there that interests us, but if you`re like me, you often don`t follow through for whatever reason. I was going to try beginners yoga in September and then I injured my foot badly by dropping that heavy table on it, so no yoga. I`m supposed to start volunteering at habitat for Humanity January 11th but I`ve been too sick with a cold to deal with the paperwork (waivers, etc). I`ve been told that it will be 2 months from when I had that bloodwork done before I hear whether I`m going to be a marrow donor, so that won`t be till February 6th. I still need to look for a job but I need to get better first. I also want to move out of this small one bedroom suite into a two bedroom so I have room for visitors. I hope that you aren`t in a funk today, but you`re probably feeling the effects of your grandson being away from you for so long. I really miss my grandgirls when they are on holidays. I like knowing when they are home safely. Danny is on his way here to `look after me.` I wonder what THAT will look like. It`s coming in handy already you living so close to your mother. Your Mom will in all probability need your help more as she ages. How is your Mom`s sister. Carole

    • #15515
      Ανώνυμος
      Επισκέπτης

      Hi Lizbeth, I have written in my post recently that I don’t know what to do with my time now that gambling is not an option. I am thinking you could write a guide of 101 things to do when you stop gambling. Your energy is incredible, and you are so full of ideas. When you feel sad I suggest you just go with it. As Carole said the first year is very difficult, and sadness is a normal part of the grieving process.I think I replied to a post of yours a few days ago that was old. On my ipad they came up out of order so please ignore if I did not make sense.

    • #15516
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Sad, it’s okay about the post. Sometimes the posts do come up all jumbled! I do need to just go with the emotions when they come up. I am getting through a lot of the firsts and it hasn’t been easy but it is a necessary part of the grieving process. It is just going to take me time. I get a monthly newsletter from hospice and they last one had a article about recognizing your own progress through grief. About half of the positive changes they stated, I have accomplished. So, I am healing from my Husband’s death. It is just a slow process. Carole, my Aunt is alright, she is hanging in there and doing pretty well for being 91 years old and having Parkinson. Her Husband who is 90 years old isn’t doing well. He is on hospice now due to his enlarged heart (heart disease) and has to be on oxygen all the time. My Aunt told my Mom she want him and her to die together. So sad! They celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary recently. It is the second marriage for both of them. Amazing!!! I didn’t go to church today. I took my Mom shopping and spent the day with her. I am home now in my cozy pajamas with the heat going. My Grandson called me this evening and he saw the Pearl Harbor memorial today. He is doing a lot of hiking and just having a great time! Tomorrow I am staying home and doing some things around here. Just a quiet day at home!!!!!

    • #15517
      finding_laura
      Συμμετέχων

      Good morning Elizabeth! You are such a whirl wind of accomplishment and activity in an organized and mannerly sort of way 🙂 Please do give yourself permission to be sad and grieve. It seems to me you are doing it in such a healthy way. So many people completely retreat from life or dive into addictions to avoid the feelings. I truly admire how you have handled everything over the past year and how you dealt with your recovery to date. May the New Year bring you peace and joy, new experiences and meaning, and love of family and friends. Take care Liz!
      Laura

    • #15518
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Laura for your post! I was getting frustrated and angry today but I read Bettie’s post and it put everything into prospective for me. I received a letter from my insurance company (the underwriters) that as of the 7th of January I would have no insurance on my new home as they hadn’t received all the information they needed. I hit the roof as I had been in my agent’s office or faxing him information numerous times. I called their office and left a message for him. I received a call back yesterday from a agent who is taking his place till after the new year. He is trying to help me. Also, I received another letter saying that after the 1st I would have a new agent. I have been with this insurance company for 40 years, since I had my first drivers license. I have had different agents though as they don’t seem to last long. I have my car, condo, and new home insured with them. So, on the 2nd of Jan. I will be coming to the city to be face to face with my new agent and get this mess resolved or I will take my business elsewhere. Is it just me or has customer service just gone done hill. It seem like no one cares how they treat the customer anymore. Anyways, I am going to my Mom’s and we are going to order take out for dinner. I hope everyone has a great and safe New Years Eve!!!!!

    • #15519
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Well, I am looking for new insurance on Thursday. There is a insurance broker in town who was referred to me by my Mom’s neighbor. This is too stressful!!! They aren’t doing their job and I don’t have to stay with them. There is a reason that it is time for me to make this change. Everything happens for a reason and besides that I won’t have to go to the city till next week when my Grandson comes home. My Mom and I had a great dinner and played many games of Yahtzee. It was fun!!!!! My Grandson called and he went kayaking today and saw 6 sea turtles. He is ready to come home as he is missing his Mommy and I. He was a little tearful but I assured him that it is okay to miss us as we miss him too!!! He said it helped hearing our voices! He is so precious. Happy New Years everyone!!!!!!

    • #15520
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Happy 2014 (((Liz)))! I wish you a year of peace and happiness (((Liz))) with new adventures. You’ve done an amazing job navigating your recovery journey the past year despite the death of your husband. Relationships on the mend with your Mom and daughters is wonderful! I’ve said it before that mother/daughter relationships are most complicated!! Seeing sea turtles is a wonderful experience, and it’s good to hear that your grandson is having new adventures. It’s been so cold here this winter and we have feet of snow and it’s been overcast, and I’m not an outdoor person, so not much to do here. I’m hoping that this cold disappears soon, as I’m really tired of it. Carole

    • #15521
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for your post! I have new insurance on the house now and it costs $500 less a year and is better coverage. I am feeling less stress now about the whole situation. My realtor called last night and she is meeting me at the condo next Thursday morning to look at it and for us to decide on the selling price. It will be good when it sold as I can bank that money I am spending on the mortgage, association fees, and utilities. I thought of leasing it out, but if I get bad tenants in there it could be a nightmare. Hopefully it will sell soon! I bought a new TV for the spare room/craft room and I need to put it on the stand and I need to start getting all my paperwork into the new filing cabinet. I am taking my Mom to the eye doctors tomorrow to get the stitches out of her eyelid. Saturday I have a fun day planned for us, lunch and going to antique stores. I was reading some of my past posts and there was one where I said I didn’t love my Husband anymore. (2 years ago) That was a hard one to look! I loved him as a person but not romantically anymore. In my grieving support group they say not to put the deceased person on a pedestal and that it is okay if you didn’t have the perfect marriage or had issues in your relationship. They say to keep it real. It just took my breath away when I saw that and in some way made me feel guilty that I said that and a year later he was dead. I don’t know if that makes sense??? Well, I hope everyone is having a good new year and are keeping gamble free!!! Take care.

    • #15522
      vera
      Συμμετέχων

      Love is often misunderstood, Liz!

      Your actions towards your husband proved your love for him.

      Love never ends!

    • #15523
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Vera, that you for your post!!! I thought about it and I have put into prospective. I had love for my Husband and I stayed by his side from his diagnosis to his death. He knew that I cared. I hope when I leave this world that I am holding the hand of someone who cares and that their face is the last thing I see. It was a productive day as I went through about 1/2 of my paperwork, shredded and made files. The filing cabinet is going to come in handy. I have this thing now that when I die, I don’t want anyone to have to search for anything. Everything will be organized. It’s going to be a early night. My bedroom is clean and the new TV went in there instead of the craft room. That way, I can relax and watch TV before I go to sleep. I am functioning pretty well on my own. There are times when I do get lonely, but I think that is normal. Tomorrow after the eye doctor appointment, my Mom and I are going to go check out a few gyms and I am going to join one. My realtor called and wants me to come to her next get together as she has friends and clients she would like me to meet so I can make some friends here. She is a real nice lady!!!! Take care everyone.

    • #15524
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      I hope and pray that 2014 is a better year for you. I read one of your posts about loving your husband and I can relate to it. I do love my husband, however, I sometimes think that his drinking has caused me also to be resentful towards him. I believe that you said it perfectly that you said that when any of us leaves this world it would be wonderful to have someone who cares holding our hand. Liz you have nothing to feel guilty about.
      I love reading your posts about all the things you are considering getting involved in at your new place. One day at a time (((Liz)))

    • #15525
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for your post and Happy New Years to you! I took my Mom to get her stitches out of her eyelid today and there is another (small) cancerous spot on the same eyelid. She will have to have further surgery on the 22nd. I think that God brought me here (re: moving) as I can tell some changes in my Mom now that I am spending more time with her. I don’t think they are health concerns but related to old aging. We are going out for lunch tomorrow and antiquing. Next week, I will be in the city for 5 days. My Grandson returns from his Hawaii trip late Monday night and I am going to the airport to pick him, his Dad, and other Grandma up as my Daughter has to go to work the next day. He and I will spend the next day together while Mom works. I want to catch up with some friends and go to lunch and on Thursday my realtor will be meeting me at the condo. I am not thrilled to be away from my new home for 5 days but I want to see my Grandson and friends and I need to take care of the condo business. Cat, I think it is normal to feel some guilt when a love one dies. I know I have nothing to feel guilty about. I think it is just another emotion that you have to get through while grieving. My Daughter had her 2013 year in review on face book. There were many pictures of my Husband with my Grandson and family. It brought back good memories and sad ones also. I still have many moments of sadness about him not being here. But I don’t have days of sadness anymore. I am at a happy place in my life and looking forward to the next adventures and experiences. Take care everyone.

    • #15526
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Tomorrow I go to the city for 5 days, to see my Grandson as he is coming home tomorrow from his 17 day vacation in Hawaii and to get some business done, re: condo. I feel like I am the most blessed person. My Mom told me how much she was going to miss me while I am gone and how much she appreciated all that I do for her. My Daughter called and told me she missed me like crazy and couldn’t wait to see me tomorrow and my Grandson called telling me that he couldn’t wait to see me tomorrow evening and wanted to know if I would pick him up from the airport. It is awesome to be loved and to hear how much you mean to others. I spent the whole weekend with my Mom and we went to lunch, antiquing and at her request, I spent the night with her. It was truly enjoyable. We found out that my Aunt (by marriage) had past away. She was 83 years old and had been in bad health. My Mom and her were real close in their younger days. I think she needed someone with her. I think it must be hard when you get elderly and those around you are dying. My Mom’s only living sibling is 91 years old, her other sister and 2 brothers have passed away. When I get back to town, my Mom and I are going to the 3 gyms and picking one that we can workout at. I did laundry, packing, and paid bills, nothing exciting. I need to focus also on doing some things around the new home when I get back. When spring comes, I am having a 6 foot fence built around my backyard. The fence I have now is about 4 feet tall and some of it has seen better days. I am collecting pictures and ideas for the outdoor living space. I found plans for a fire pit that I am building myself. (brick) I am so excited about it!!!! I need to repaint some of the rooms, the colors I like and a few cosmetic things need to be done inside but not anything major. So, I am just plugging along enjoying life!! No gambling for me! It isn’t worth it!

    • #15527
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am in the city. I went by the insurance company and I have all the papers that my realtor requested. I went by the condo and checked the mailbox and the condo. Wednesday I need to vacuum and mop before the realtor comes on Thursday. The last condo sold 5 months ago and at a decent price. Although my needs some cosmetic work done on it, I am hopeful that I will get a decent price for it and that it doesn’t stay on the market for a long time. Progress, I never thought I would be at this place (selling the condo) as this is the last estate issue that I need to deal with than the estate will be closed. In 2 months it will be 1 year since the death of my Husband. I don’t really remember a lot of the first few months after his death. But I have made a lot of changes (good) and gotten through a lot of the legal issues, ect… I knew I was a strong person but I surprised myself getting through a lot of these things on my own. Even though it helps to have the support of your family (a few of mine) and friends, a lot of things you have to experience on your own to get it and appreciated it as I am talking about the grieving process. I was listening to the radio on my 1 hour and 50 min. drive to the city and a song came on that my Husband loved and it brought good memories and a few tears to my eyes. He loved oldies music and this was one of his favorite songs. My Daughter posted a picture of our last vacation (LEGOLAND) with him, 9 months before his death. We were standing at the beach in front of the Pacific ocean with our Grandson. That was such a awesome vacation and beautiful picture. The days have become less challenging to get through and I am finding peace and joy and contentment again. My Grandson arrives home tonight from his trip. He called this morning to remind me that he is coming home. How could I forget?? He brings up his Papa a lot and talks about the good memories and the sadness that he isn’t here anymore. We get through this one day at a time. That is all we can do. I have had thoughts of gambling here and there but I haven’t acted on them as I know the horrific results when I get caught up in the madness. I have been able to keep busy and not dwell on the urges and to think out the consequences that would happen if I were to go down that road again. They thoughts have passed quite fast and are becoming less. I am trying to put all my energy into my family, friends, and my new life that is developing. I am finding ways to cultivate my interests and trying to put myself out there to new adventures and people. It is exciting and sometimes scary, if that makes sense. Who knows what this year will bring?

    • #15528
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz
      I loved reading your post, i always enjoy reading what you are up to and i love how you are honest about your thoughts and feelings.. The reason there are so many people looking forward to seeing you is because you are obviously there for them, what goes around comes around type of thing. It is obvious to me how kind you are to others it shines through on these pages, you are kind to them not for your own recognition but for the natural love you have with in you and i love how genuine a person you are.. even though we havent met in real life it shines through on these pages. You have been through massive changes and handled them beautifully. I am just so proud of you even though i know you only through here, i see your growth and your change. You write about what you had written on these pages re your husband but really you wrote them and most people just think them. i think those thoughts and feelings were totally normal and honest at the time and thats how it is. You neednt feel anything bad from wrting that, you were there for your husband till the very end and you were the most supportive person in his life. People fall out of love romantically quite often and you were still there, still loving him in your way and supporting him.. it would have taken an incredible amount of strength to nurse your life partner Liz through that process. I cant comprehend it, i dont think anyone could. I have lost people but to do what you have done is something i dont believe people could understand unless they experience that themselves. I know that grandson of yours is so so lucky to have you in his life. I know you will just be so happy to see each other and it is such a beautiful bond you share. I hope that you continue to do things for you though also.. things to fulfill your life and good things for you. You really deserve to be looked after youself a little and if there is no one else to do that then its going to have to be you.. so look after you like you look after others Liz. Give yourself that same attention and kindness. I think you are awesome

      P

    • #15529
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      P, thanks for your post. I appreciate what you said about me and it helps me to know that I have your support. I will try to be kinder to myself as you know, woman usually put themselves last on their list. I did make my new bedroom into my little haven. It looks awesome and is comfortable. My Grandson and I are spending the day together as it was 11:30pm when he came home. He is still telling me of his adventures in Hawaii. When he saw his Mom, he and she just hugged and held each other for a long time. It was good to see that bond between them. He is going back to school tomorrow and I am heading to the condo after I drop him off at school. I have a guy coming to pick up the old fridge (stopped working) and then I am going out to breakfast with a friend. After breakfast I have about 1 hour of cleaning to do and Thursday my realtor will come by to see the place and to tell me what she thinks I should list it for. Friday after school, my Grandson and I are going back to my new place and my Daughter will follow after work. They want to spend the weekend with me. We are going to my Mom’s on Saturday and my Daughter is going to clean the gutters on her home and we will probably have dinner together. I am making lasagna and garlic bread (both frozen) for dinner tonight. We are supposed to go to the hobby store this evening as my Daughter wants us to do 1 craft project together monthly. We are doing a tree of life wall hanging project first and need to pick up the stuff to take to my place. It is going to be awesome!! I will have original art pieces to put on my walls!!!! Nothing else going on. Tonight will be a early night as we stayed up late last night. Take care everyone.

    • #15530
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I’m happy to hear of your grandson’s return from his Hawaii trip, and I’m sure he has a lot of stories to tell. Have you considered scrapbooking his trip to Hawaii, as a craft project? Then he can relive his trip over and over, when ever he wants. My daughter makes books on the internet for her kids that come in the mail, and instead of a scrapbook they get a real book. If you’re interested in that I can get you the information on how and where she does that. It’s so good to hear that you have made it this far in the past year, and with such grace and strength. I’m happy that you love your new home and property and life. It’s great that you and your daughter and mother are experiencing better relationships with each other. Life seems to be going very well indeed for you, and staying gamble free is probably the biggest thing in things working out. Way to go (((Liz)))! Carole

    • #15531
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post Carole. I posted on your thread earlier. Officially my condo goes on the market tomorrow. I met with the realtor and I came to a realistic price with some margin if I have to go down in price. I am mentally drained. It was difficult for me to sign the papers and probably will be difficult for me when it sells. It is another part of my life that I am letting go of and I didn’t think it would be so hard to do. I don’t want to lease it out as I would have to put some money into it cosmetically and I don’t have the energy to deal with bad tenants if that were to happen. One day at a time. I am hopeful that it will sell fast as it is a good deal and our landscaping is awesome and the retro-feel of the place (it was built in 1963) is quaint. We will see how much traffic I have when the open houses start and how many private showing it gets. I am going home tomorrow after I pick my Grandson up from school as he is going home with me and my Daughter is following after work. The big city doesn’t appeal to me anymore and I am homesick. I will be back in the city for 5 days again next week as we are celebrating my Grandsons birthday a week from this Saturday. He will be 8 years old. He had a rough night as he awoke from a bad dream and was crying for his Papa. He finally went back to sleep. It is so hard for him to understand that this Papa is really gone and not coming back. His Mom just held him and he cried till he couldn’t cry anymore. It is so sad and heartbreaking. But we are getting through it, that’s all we can do. I am not gambling though I have had a few urges. I found that the stress from the condo, showing the realtor and making money decisions about it made me want to gamble, (run away from my reality). But I didn’t act on my thoughts and they have gone away. I am picking my Grandson up from school soon and we are spending 3 hours together till my Daughter gets home from work. Keeping busy=no gambling for me.

    • #15532
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz in a way it is almost as if you are saying goodbye to your husband again with selling the Condo. I don’t know how long it was your home with your husband, but I am sure there are many memories there, both happy and sad. You have faced so much over the last year and with such strength. It is amazing how we recognize now that our gambling thoughts can be tied in to what we are dealing with and wanting to escape from our reality.
      I can read the contentment in your posts when you are in your new home. I will say a prayer that your Condo sells fast.
      I am sorry that your Grandson is having such a tough time with the loss of his Papa, but it shows the love he had for him and how he misses him. I love reading your posts about your Grandson and what you do with him. I so wish that our Grandchildren lived closer to us. We went out early before Christmas to see them and we were able to see our 6 year old Grandson play hockey and it was totally wonderful and amazing. He can skate so fast and scored six goals. We also got to see our 3 year old Grandson have a skating lesson. Those are the things that I miss being able to do and see with not living so close. Our 6 year old Grandson is going to play ball in the spring. He played soccer for the last few years.
      Liz you really inspire me!!!! Be kind to yourself!!!!

    • #15533
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Cat, thanks so much for your post!!!!! We lived in the condo for 19 years, a long time. I think you are right, I am saying goodbye to my Husband again. But it is going to be alright. I know now that my new life and surroundings are awesome. I believe he is looking down on me now and saying, way to go girl!!! I am saying prayers too that the condo sells fast. Cat, when my Grandson is sad about his Papa, I let him get his emotions out and talk about it. I think that is a healthy way to deal with grief. Then I ask him to remember something funny or silly that Papa did as he was a jokester. It usually brings a smile to his face and mine. I tell him that Papa wants us to remember the silly, funny things that he did and the things that we did together. That he wants us to be happy and to have a good life. I am no expert, but that is how I help my Grandson and I get through the hard times. I have the dishwasher and washer going at my Daughters apartment as I am straightening up the place waiting for my Grandson to get out of school. Then we are heading to my new place for the weekend. Yeah!!!! Home sweet Home!!!!! Take care everyone and have a awesome, gamble free day!!!

    • #15534
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      My Grandson and Daughter went back to the city about 1 hour ago. They went fishing this morning but didn’t get a bite. He is getting more patient as he was able to sit and fish for 2 hours. I told him that one of these days he will catch a fish. He has caught one but it was at a trout farm. So, we have new fishing poles and tackle boxes. He will catch one sooner or later. LOL!!!! I am tired. I will be home for 2 1/2 more days before I head to the city. I am taking my Mom out for breakfast tomorrow and I am spending part of the day with her. I am going to work all day Tuesday in my backyard. I need at least one day for me. I like being alone once in a while. It helps me clear my mind. Nothing else going on.

    • #15535
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today was good. My Mother and I went for breakfast and I spent most of the day with her. I am at home, enjoying a grilled cheese and hot potato soup. I am in heaven!!! Tomorrow I am going to straighten the house and work in my backyard. Heading for the city on Wednesday and I won’t be home till Saturday night. It is dusk here and the sunset is awesome!!! Mostly pinks and purple in the sky. The geese were out on my street most of the day and I could hear a owl somewhere close to here. I am still having sleeping issues but I think I will take a sleeping pill tonight. I don’t take them often, but after a few days of little sleep, I need to do something. I think that my brain is on overload and I can’t shut it off when I try to sleep. My Daughter meditates and recommended for me to try it as it helps to relax you and she has been able to sleep better since doing it. I am up for anything natural as I don’t like relying on pills to sleep. Nothing else going on here. Take care everyone.

    • #15536
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! I do hope you get a good night’s sleep tonight. Sleep deprivation affects a person physically and mentally. I have been going through some insomnia myself lately. My granddaughter will be returning to her home tomorrow and I have to drive her as she has way too much stuff here for her to bus it home. I plan on stopping at the bank when she’s with me as I have an envelope of cash that I don’t want to see disappear, other than in my account. I think you understand some about how I felt living in the country now. Cities tend to suck the life out of people, as there is so much noise and visual stimulation. I miss living in the country and the privacy and quietness, and the wildlife. I don’t miss being married. Carole

    • #15537
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      I love reading your posts as there is such contentment in them as it comes across how you are enjoying your life and are happy with yourself. You really are an inspiration. Have a wonderful day and enjoy yourself in your garden doing the weeding!!! I think it is your attitude that inspires me as it seems no matter what you are doing that you are happy doing it. Wonderful!!!

    • #15538
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole and Cat for your posts. I totally agree with you Carole about the city. I feel so exhausted when I come back home from a trip there. The noise, traffic, rat-race, I am so done with that!!!! I cleaned, did laundry and worked a little in the backyard. I went to the library as they have a book store in there and were having a sell. I bought 3 gardening books and a novel for myself and spent a grand total of $3.00. I also went to a antique store and bought 4 bags of buttons as my Daughter, Grandson and I are doing a craft project for my home. We are painting a tree of life on a canvas and the leaves are going to be buttons that we glue on. My Daughter saw it on a craft website. I am going to hang it in my bedroom. My Daughter worked from home today and took cupcakes to my Grandson’s classroom to celebrate his 8th birthday. We are having his birthday bash on Saturday. She emailed me pictures and he has the biggest smile on his face. My Daughter will be 1 year sober next month. She is doing awesome. She goes to support groups and one on one counseling. She has come a long way and I am so proud of her and grateful that she is living a good life. Our relationship keeps getting better as both of us work at it. She is amazing!!! Life works in mysterious ways as it took my Husbands illness to open her eyes and go to rehab. It took his death to bring us closer. So good things do happen out of bad circumstances.

    • #15539
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! It made me happy when I read that your daughter took cupcakes to your grandson’s classroom. It’s amazing how present people can be in real life when they are in recovery. I also think the craft project sounds wonderful and I’m sure it will be a treasured piece of art on your bedroom wall. I hear you that good things can come out of someone’s death. I reconciled with my mother, sister, and brother after my brother Ron died. We had been estranged for about 20 years. I’m a little envious of you living in a smaller town. I did enjoy living in the country and believe it to be a much healthier environment to be, even though there isn’t as much to do socially. I’m so glad that you have found your “groove” by moving there. Carole

    • #15540
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am in the city today thru Saturday when we will be celebrating my Grandson’s birthday. Carole, my Daughter emailed me a picture of my Grandson yesterday celebrating his birthday with his classmates. He had the biggest smile on his face. Mostly I think, because his Mom was there. She has become the most awesome Mom since her recovery. I am proud of her and the way my Grandson looks at her. She is everything to him. She is so patient with him and understanding. If you ask him if he is a Mama’s boy, he will till you yes. I can’t wait to start our craft/picture. I can envision it hanging in my bedroom. I didn’t get a lot of the backyard done, but I am doing small sections at a time. I need to hire someone to trim the 7 trees on my property and I will call someone when I get back home. I made a resolution yesterday that I have to lose some weight. All of my clothes are getting tighter. I kept telling myself that I would get a grip on it when I was less sad about my husband dying but that is just a excuse. As I am not real tall, I can not carry the extra 25 lbs. I am starting with cutting out all sweets. I have had no soda today so I am coming off a sugar high. Having health issues (heart) I need lead a healthy lifestyle. So, today is the first day of eating right. When I got to my Daughter’s apt. she had a crock-pot full of vegetable soup cooking for dinner. She must be reading my mind. I totally gouched my hand yesterday when I was doing yard work. It took a long time to stop bleeding because of the blood thinners I have to take. Looking at it today, I should have probably had a few stitches. I cleaned it up and re-bandaged it. I need to be more careful. Well, I am going to do some reading as I have a little time before I pick my Grandson up from school. Have a great gamble free day everyone.

    • #15541
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I had a offer on the condo yesterday. It has been on the market since Monday. Of course they came in at a low price. My agent got them up $5000, still too low. So, I asked for $3000 more and that they pay their closing costs as they are TLC, but that is reflected in the price. I am trying not to stress about this as it a win/win situation for me. All of my proceeds can be put back into savings to replenish the cost of my new home. I guess I am in a hurry just to get that chapter of my life finished. I need to so I can move on mentally. Yes, I guess I am stressing about this although I am trying not to. I made the decision to sell and not buy my step-daughter out as I don’t want to run 2 households. A part of me is still sad as it was the place my Husband and I lived in for years. It doesn’t feel like my home anymore but it is full of memories. I am praying about this so I can let it go peacefully (mentally) when the time comes. Surprisingly, I haven’t thought of gambling. So, I guess I am dealing with the stress in a constructive way. One day at a time.

    • #15542
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      as the condo needs some TLC! It is early and I haven’t had my tea yet. LOL!!

    • #15543
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today has been very emotional! Have you ever had a moment where the light bulb comes on and you know you have to make a big decision in your life? That happened to me this morning. I have held my Grandson tight to me and I have been over-protective of him because of the lifestyle choices his Mom and Dad made in the past (addiction). His Dad has been clean for quite awhile and my Daughter will be clean for 1 year soon. It is time for me to let go!!! Starting next week, my Grandson will be going to afternoon karate camp 3 days a week and when his Dad get a new car (his died) he will pick him up the other 2 days from school. I will see my Grandson on the weekends they come up or if they get into a bind and need me and of course I am welcomed to see him anytime. He will be staying a lot with me during the summer also. My Daughter needs to be the Mother now. She thanked me and my late Husband for being over protective of him and taking care of him when she didn’t. She said he was the awesome kid he is because of us. I know this is the thing to do. I cried a lot and prayed about it. So, I will be helping out for a while till everything is in place. After school we are going to the park and then this evening the 3 of us are going to a movie. Tomorrow is his birthday bash and then I am going home. Monday is a holiday and no school but he is going with his Mom half of the day to her workplace and the other half she is working from home. I felt a little stress and emotions that were hard to deal with but I dealt with them and didn’t flee to the casino. It is time for me to start my new life and start putting the pieces together. It is exciting and scary at the same time but I am looking forward to it.

    • #15544
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am home now for 4 1/2 days. Home sweet home! My Grandson’s birthday party was awesome. All the kids invited showed up and their families. He is a lucky boy to have so many friends! The food, cake, and company was great!! I am going to relax tomorrow and to some things around the house and yard the other days I am here. My Grandson pointed out to me that this is the first birthday without his Papa. I remember last year, he was in the hospital on my Grandson’s birthday and my Daughter postponed his party till my Husband was able to attend. It was raining that day and my Husband had to use a walker to get around. He told me that this would be the last birthday of his that he would attend and he was right! My Daughter said there has been a lot of firsts, birthdays, holidays, ect.. for us to get through but that we were getting through them the best we can and that we were moving forward. Honestly, it is getting easier getting through the days but there are still moments of sadness and times that I wished he was here with me. I guess that is normal. Someone at the party asked me when I was going to join a group and maybe start dating. I told her I wasn’t ready to date yet. I know she meant well because she doesn’t want me to be alone but it hurt a little as I can’t see myself with someone else at this point. Maybe down the road. I’m taking one day at a time.

    • #15545
      vera
      Συμμετέχων

      Lots of emotions being churned up Lizbeth due to family changes . Great to see you are handling everything so well. The sale of the condo, your move to a new home, the separation from your grandson…..now that’s a “biggie!”! Sort of made me gasp when I read it, but then we have to remember Lizbeth that everything changes….
      I was thinking of you lately. A neighbour of ours is in the end stage of lung cancer. The doctor told the wife “it will be quick in the end!” Sounds a bit abrupt…..I can’t even bear to think about people dying….When I had to deal with death at work, I would just say to the relatives things like…”Is everybody here who would want to be!”or ” Don’t go too far away now!”
      Its very different when you are actively involved than emotionally involved. You sort of get the grace to switch off the “sad emotions” and do what is required with tender loving care.
      I hope you will be able to “hand over” your grandson with as much dignity as you “handed over” your dear husband. Your daughter was one lucky girl to have you and your husband to act in loco parentis when she was unavailable. Your bond with that little guy will never end.
      I don’t write to you often Lizbeth but you are in my thoughts and prays a lot.
      I hope everything runs smoothly for you.
      Your coping skills astound me!
      You are so gentle, yet so strong!

    • #15546
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thank you Vera for your post. It is good to know that I am in your thoughts and prayers. My Sister is in town visiting with my Mom and will be going home tomorrow. I was thinking about the last time she talked to me (it will be 1 year March 14th, 2 days after my Husband died), well actually she kicked me out of her car. She has her own demons to deal with and our relationship wasn’t healthy for a long time. I hope she finds her way to happiness. I needed a few days to unwind and de-stress myself anyways before I having any contact with my Mom. I think I am a little depressed about my Grandson and not being around him so much but I decided it was the best thing to do and it is a healthy thing to do. You are right Vera, everything changes and we have to change too even if it is painful. My Daughter will never be able to take her role as his Mother if I am always in the picture. I do overstep my boundaries sometimes and it is hard not to do so but it is very confusing for my Grandson. It time to let go but that doesn’t make it less painful. I know it will be okay so I will deal with it. Vera, I think it takes a special person to deal with sickness and death. My Husband died 2 months after his cancer diagnosis. Those were the longest 2 months as he struggled daily dealing with his body dying and shutting down. His actual death was fast but that was because we had a DNR and he was given massive amounts of morphine for his pain and he went to sleep and never woke up. It was the most humane and kindest thing that was done for him. I feel like I am coping well with everything but I do have times of great sadness. I just have to take things one day at a time. Right now I am trying to get healthy. I read somewhere where your health is your wealth. I went grocery shopping yesterday and chose healthier foods. I need to take time to focus on myself a little and make me the best I can be. I have a lot of living left to do and many adventures still to do. I wish everyone a great gamble free day!!

    • #15547
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I made a big commitment today. I joined a gym. It is owned by the Native American Tribe here. I went to all 3 gyms today and toured them. This one had more to offer and was the cheapest. It also has a heated into pool and all the extra classes, yoga, ect.. are included in the monthly fee. Also, my Grandson can come and enjoy the pool for a small fee!! There are also basketball courts we can use. I am excited as I am doing my first workout tomorrow. I need to remember to take it slow and build up my stamina. Tomorrow afternoon, I am taking my Mother to the eye doctors again as the growth on her eyelid has come back. This will be the 3rd surgery. I hope this is the last one. After I get her home, I am going to the city for 2 days. My Daughter called me today and my Grandson is sick, probably a virus. She is working from home tomorrow and taking him to the Doctors. I have more interested buyers and we are just waiting for their offers. Hopefully we will have a solid offer soon! I posted on Kathryn’s thread and what she going through is probably what I will be going through at some time. My Mother is really slowing down physically and mentally. I am so glad that I moved closer to her as my Sister has a full time job and can’t be here as much. I watched my Mother take care of both of my Grandma’s, her Mother and her Mother in law. It is a hard job. My Mother told me today that when the time comes that she wants to go to a assisted living place. Even though those are her wishes, it will be hard to do. I will deal with that when the time comes.

    • #15548
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth
      I admire you… i really do. I see such a strength in you. I dont know if you see it. I hope you do. Always doing for others but you know when to step back too and as hard as it is for you to do that you know its right despite it hurting you. I really think you have your head screwed on the right way Lizbeth. Glad you joined a gym, how wonderful. If only i were that motivated hehe.. good on you Lizbeth. I am here cheering you on from across the seas

      P

    • #15549
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for the encouraging post. I do see the strength in myself. Sometimes I am surprise by it. I think that I am growing as I am willing to make changes even if they are difficult ones. I am trying to make my life better. I have awesome news! I have a great offer on the condo, just under my asking price. My realtor is coming by tomorrow morning with paperwork for me to sign. This is just another step in my process of moving forward in my life. My Grandson is feeling much better as kids rebound so fast. His Dad decided to pick him up from school the next 2 days. I am still going to the city on Friday and meeting my youngest Daughter at the condo. She wants to see it for the last time. She said she was going to miss it. Maybe we will do lunch and then I am coming back home. My Mom didn’t have her eye surgery today as he wants to do it outpatient (hospital) instead of his office. So he scheduled it for the 27th of this month. We had dinner together and she came over to my house for awhile. Everything is good and I feel less stress in my life. P, I worked out this morning and my thighs and butt muscles were hurting all day!!!! They have water aerobics also. Maybe I will try it out!!! I had bake salmon and salad and veggies for dinner. I am trying to get back to a healthy lifestyle. There are a lot of hiking trails around here that I would like to hike but not in the shape I am in now. One day at a time, one step at a time!!

    • #15550
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz I am so happy to hear your news that you got a good offer on your Condo. It really has not taken long for it to sell as it is was only the beginning of January that you put it on the market. I am glad that your Grandson is feeling better. I read one of your earlier posts about letting your daughter be your son’s mother and stepping back. It is wonderful that you were there for him when he needed you and I know you will always be there for him when he needs you, but it is great for you to be his Grandma and love him to bits. I love reading your posts as I find them so uplifting. I know that you have been through so much with the loss of your husband, but you are starting to live again. Your posts about what you are doing whether it is being sore from working out at the gym or weeding your garden have an upbeat feel to them. I am so happy for you and you deserve all the good things that come into your life. Have a great gamble free day!!! Sorry if I am rambling.

    • #15551
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Cat, as always it is good to hear from you. I am glad that my posts have a upbeat feel to them. From the death of my Husband, I have learned that we only have one life to live and that we should make the best of it! I do put a lot into the hands of God such as the condo. I started stressing about it and I gave it over to God. I was at peace with it and I knew the outcome would be good. I don’t know why my Husband had to die but I want good things to come out of his death. He would want me to live a good life and to be happy. I am waiting for my realtor then off to the city. My Daughter called and my Grandsons cold got worse during the night. He is coughing a lot. His parents have been taking alternate days off of work to stay home with him. They both have deadlines to make tomorrow. I might stay through the weekend if needed. I am stopping by the store on the way out and picking up some airborne to start taking. LOL!!!! Cat, thanks for your support during my Husband’s illness and death. It meant so much to me and helped me cope with everything.

    • #15552
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am here in the city. My Daughter has left for work and my Grandson is still sleeping. He has a nasty cold as do his parents. I am taking airborne and crossing my fingers that I don’t catch it! I bought Lysol wipes and have wiped down door knobs, countertops, any thing that I can. I had to change plans and my youngest Daughter and I are meeting at the condo this evening after my other Daughter gets home from work. I really dislike the city now and it is hard traveling back and forth. Next week my Grandson has 2 early release days from school so I will need to be here. I did sleep well last night as I think I was exhausted. Nothing else really going on. Take care everyone and have a great gamble free day!

    • #15553
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Okay this is the 3rd time I have tried to post. Somehow I keep deleting it! Let’s try again. I am at home now for a few days. It feels good to be home. I woke this morning with a sore throat as I obviously caught what everyone else had at my Daughter’s home. I am taking some cold medicine and drinking hot green tea. I am going to rest today as I want to go to the gym tomorrow morning and I am taking my Mom to a eye appointment tomorrow afternoon. My youngest Daughter said good bye to the condo Friday evening. It was emotional for her as we had a lot of memories there. I told her that we would carry those memories with us and that we could make new memories at my new home. I never felt the same about the condo after my Husband died. I didn’t want to live there anymore. I feel comfortable in my new home and since I am starting a new life it felt like the right thing to do. Life does go on! I have had some challenging times and it has been real sad and hard to be without my Husband but the grief has lessen. I am putting myself out there more and I am meeting new people in my community and I am up to try new things and activities. I am not one for crowds, ect.. so this is new for me. One step at a time! The geese are out and about this morning! They are just fun to watch! I had a close friend of mine, we knew each other but didn’t become good friends till my Husband became ill, tell me that having me as a friend made her a better person. Oh, that is what life is all about. Not material things but the people that you have in your life who love you for yourself. I feel the same about her as she was my rock and helped me through the early dark times and helped me to stay strong. Enough of my rambling. Have a great gamble free day everyone.

    • #15554
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hey Liz
      Sorry to hear you are now sick.. kind of new that one was coming when you said you were minding your sick grandson, its very hard to dodge when we are in close contact.. its good that you were there for him though even though you have now got it yourself. Always love your posts.. i particularly loved what you said about the people in your life. Yes i think when we gamble money and material things seem to take a disproportioned view in our lives till the gambling fog settles and we can see whats real and whats important. I feel that way too. I dont have much money but i cherish the small number of people i have.. more than gold… 🙂

      P

    • #15555
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for the post. I am feeling much better now. I rested and drank plenty of hot green tea and that seemed to do the trick. I had a crappy day. My bank alerted me that someone was trying to use my Visa/ATM card as somehow they had the number. Since it looked suspicious they shut down the card and called me. Someone almost had themselves a nice vacation package and some sports equipment. I had to go to the bank and get a temporary card and they ordered me a new card. Thank goodness that the banks are on the look out for fraudulent activity. I had used the card to purchase a few things online, maybe that is were it was breached. I guess this type of thing happens a lot according to the person who helped me at the bank. I am grateful as they could of caused a lot of damage. I did manage to clean my house today as I am going to they city soon for a few days. Going to the gym with my Mom tomorrow morning. Nothing else going on. I feel kind of drained (emotionally). Take care everyone.

    • #15556
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I arrived in the city yesterday. My Daughter was happy to see me. She hasn’t been able to get much sleep due to my Grandson still trying to get over his cold. His coughing at night kept them up the last 2 nights before I got here. She is also having a lot of stress at her new job, the one she loves. A new manager was hired and he asked her to do something which she found unethical. She went to the CEO and discussed it with him and he agreed with her and pulled the manager in his office for a talk. She is apprehensive as what will happen now with the manager and his treatment of her. Having little sleep only intensifies the stress. After dinner I sent her off to bed and made some hot tea for her. She relaxed and watched her favorite TV show and fell asleep. My Grandson and I played and read and I gave him some cough syrup and we went to bed. Everyone is still sleeping as I have my tea this morning. It is another early out day for my Grandson. We are tying to figure out what we are going to do this evening as Mom has a date she is going on. I am staying part of Saturday to attend a jewelry party hosted by one of my Daughter’s friends and then off to my new place. It feels good to be needed. Our relationship has progresses so much the last 10 months. It makes me happy!!

    • #15557
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am back home! The jewelry party was fun. It was held at Mexican food restaurant..so I got to pig out and shop at the same time!! LOL!!! I bought 2 necklaces and a ring! If I was still gambling, I wouldn’t be able to do that. It feels good to treat myself once in awhile. My Daughter was less stressed when I left. She thanked me over and over for helping her with my Grandson and giving her some TLC. Face it, we all need some TLC sometimes. One of my Cousins is coming here to visit for a few days. She is staying with my Mom. I haven’t seen her for a few years. She is only 3 years older than me but she has severe health issues. It will be good to see her. We are having dinner together tomorrow night. I am home for 4 days so I am going to tackle my storage shed and get it organized as I have just thrown things it there. All and all, I am happy at the progress I have made getting things organized since I have only been here a little over 2 months. I like everything in it’s place. Just one of my pet peeves. I helped my Daughter take a few loads of stuff to her storage unit this morning as she is moving the end of July. She sub-leased the apartment from a friend who lost their job and was stuck in the lease. I am not sure if my Daughter is going to rent or buy a place. But we are going to start packing stuff up and get ready for the move. Usually the first day that I am home, I need to unwind and just spend the day relaxing. It seems like I am always on the go. I am busy also faxing things back to the title company handling the sell of the condo. It is a hassle sometimes but it will be good to get that over with and move on. Oh, the man who lives across the street from me came over the other day. He hands out food samples for companies at one of the grocery stores here in town. He said he would bring left over samples to me if I wanted them. Very nice of him. My next door neighbor is 93 years old and a sweetie. The other side neighbor’s children are selling the place as their Mom died right before Xmas. They are really nice. There are other siblings and they have to sell everything and split the money. It’s kind of sad as her Daughter lived with her and now has to move. Well, so much for my rambling. Life is good ! Take care everyone!

    • #15558
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hey nice on the jewellery and mexican food, way to go sounds delicious, fun and you have yourself some nice things.. love that things are improving with your daughter and relationship..
      I drink instant coffee by the way, its still delicious, the way i go on and on about my coffee you would think it was exquisite and gourmet and percolated to perfection but no.. its instant but i love it and enjoy it, the simple things.. its all how we look at them hehe..

      P

    • #15559
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for the post. My Cousin was here for 3 days and we had a good time. We hadn’t seen each other for years but have kept in touch via the phone. I think we will be seeing more of each other in the future. It is cold here and I am in for the day as I did some grocery shopping earlier. I am doing laundry and packing for the city. My poor Daughter! She went to work today and 1/2 of her co-workers were laid off. (it is a small company) She was asked to go back to part time for awhile as the company is having money problems. They are letting her keep her health insurance. So, she is riding it out as there may not be a company in 60 days. The CEO has been paying part of the salaries out of his pocket to keep the company afloat. My Daughter is a loyal employee and likes her job. She agreed to stick it out. She is thankful to have a job! I am proud of her and happy that she is working her recovery. Something like this would have caused her to go and use drugs in the past but she is dealing with stressful situations in a more healthy way. She phone me and we talked about it and she knows she has my support. She has come such a long way!!! I am making dinner for my Mom tonight, salmon, fresh veggies and a twice baked potato. Yummy!!! P, sometimes the most simple things in life can be the most comforting. For me it is my hot tea.

    • #15560
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Okay, somehow I just wiped out my entire post. That’s how my day has been going. LOL!! I will start again. I am in the city. I had a rough start this morning. I am getting my tax stuff together and I haven’t received my Husband’s W2’s. I tried to get them through his employer’s online site. But because he is deceased I couldn’t access them. I had to call and the wait time was 25 mins. I waited and was told that I could write a letter requesting them and fax it. That’s what I did. The woman faxing them for me was very rude. Maybe she was having a bad day too. I made sure to tell her to have a good day when I was finished. I went by the condo when I got here to check the mail and condo and everything was fine. My Daughter text me that she was having a hard day. The letting go of half of the staff and the stress of not knowing if she will have a job in 60 days is a lot to deal with. I reassured her that I understood and that I am here for her. I pulled everything out of my Grandson’s walk in closet so she can purge and organize things for her move in July. She will probably not be able to buy a home then as she won’t qualify only working part time. But she can lease a small home for them. Maybe it isn’t the time for her to buy. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Her boss kept her because he believes that she has the creativity to help turn the company around. He only kept the people who have been loyal and are hardworking. Life is like a roller coaster. You go through ups and downs and then everything evens off and goes back to normal. She will be alright! Have a great gamble free day everyone.

    • #15561
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am home again!! This time for 5 days. Maybe I can get a few things accomplished. I helped my Daughter clean out 2 walk in closets and I took the donated stuff to a woman’s crisis center. My Daughter and my Grandson are going away for the weekend for some alone time. They are planning to fish and have some picnics and do some exploring. On the 21st of this month she was invited back to the drug recovery center that she was in for 2 weeks. She will get her 1 year medallion for being clean and sober. I am so proud of her. She asked me and her son to be there with her. She has come a long way!!! She already has offers to do some free lance work for different companies. This will help make up for the part time hours. She is so full of life now and just glows with happiness. She has become a great Mother and is so caring with her son. It is so good to see!!! I am glad to be home but it is cold here!! There was a light dusting of snow this morning but it has already melted. I haven’t heard anything about the inspection that the buyer’s of the condo scheduled. I am hoping maybe tomorrow I will find out the results. Nothing else going on.

    • #15562
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am busy at my new home. I had all of the trees trimmed this weekend. I have a peach tree which I was told by the neighbors had a lot of delicious peaches on it last summer. I can’t wait to taste them. I am going tomorrow to purchase security doors for the house as I have screen doors now. My handyman (next door) is going to put them on for me. My Cousin from California is coming for a week visit this June. I am planning a 3 day road trip for us. She has a few places in mind that she would like to see which are closer to where I live now. It will be fun. We reunited when I took my Mom to see her Sister last year. Tomorrow I am going to the gym and then to get my new doors. I have been feeling restless the last few days. I don’t know why. The best thing for me to do is to stay busy and out of trouble. Take care everyone.

    • #15563
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today has been a test for me! My Mom lashed out at me and fiercely!!!! All this time, I felt like we were making progress and know I realize that I was the only one working on our relationship. I was in tears!!! I don’t know why I don’t just get it and accept it for what it is. I am not sure what it is as I have never had a relationship like this before. After hurling any hurtful comment she could think of towards me she laughed and said,” how do you like it”?? I have really been working on myself and I do have faults but I didn’t deserve her mean words. She is upset as her truck is having issues again. It seems if something happens to rock her perfect world that she freaks out!!! I told her that I would help her fix it and I tried to comfort her. I feel so alone right now!!! I would like to be close to my Mom but it’s not going to happen as I can’t do it alone. Sorry for ranting but I feel so sad right now. I am chasing something that is never going to be the way I want it. I have to face that. It is hard to do!!!

    • #15564
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I reached out to my Daughter as I am in a lot of pain right now dealing with my Mom. She was so supportive and helpful. She told me that I needed to let it go and that I had made real strides in my personal growth. I need to recognize that the relationship that I want with my Mother isn’t going to happen. I need to accept her for what she is so she can’t hurt me so easily. My Daughter thinks that she is coming at me because she can’t deal with her own anxieties and she is trying to pull me into her negative world. It all makes sense. My Daughter said she is here to support me and that she is happy that I am seeing my Mom’s behavior for what it is, unhealthy. We are going to talk tonight when she gets off work. I am feeling better and trying to work through this.

    • #15565
      charles
      Συντονιστής

      Hi Lizbeth,

      I don’t get the chance to read as many threads as I would like but I’ve just managed to read through the last month or so of yours. Thanks for some inspiring posts. You show both how many great things recovery gives us and also how it also allows to deal with the not so good stuff as well. Well done and congratualations on your gambel free time.

    • #15566
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      I am sorry that your mother treated you like that Liz. You do not deserve to be treated like that. It is difficult to understand why anyone would do what she did. Does she ever apologize for her behaviour towards you? On the positive side, it is absolutely wonderful that you can now reach out to your daughter and she is supporting you. It is so tough to deal with her behaviour as you felt you were making progress. I think sometimes we have a picture in our head of the type of relationship we want from someone and for some reason it’s not always possible. I can’t imagine treating my daughter that way. One day at a time (((Liz))) I am sure it will help you to talk to your daughter tonight.

    • #15567
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Charles and Cat for your posts. I like sharing my life and feelings here as I hope it helps others and it gives me time to reflect and learn from what is happening in my life and how I respond to it. Cat, my Mom rarely apologizes for anything she says or does. It is always someone else’s fault. Maybe that is why a lot of people in my family don’t talk to her. It always feels like a one-sided relationship and her anger and fury are scary at times. I look back at my childhood and my Mom would try to keep us in line by using guilt as her weapon. I think that is why I became such a people pleaser. I was always trying to keep her happy as she would have fits of rage and throw things and say terrible things to us. I was very shy as a child and she terrified me. She still uses these tactics to try to have control over others. She never learned or tried to communicate normally about anything. My Daughter called me earlier and we talked about the situation. She is very supportive and helped me process the incident. She is smart and has done a lot of work involving her feelings in her addiction classes. My Mom never forgets anything that she thinks was done wrong to her and she lets it fester. She lashes out and tries to make you feel as miserable as she does. My Daughter told me that I was doing the healthy thing in not feeding into her negativity and putting some space between us. She said if I woke up tomorrow and I felt I needed to stay away from her I should. My Mom will never call me, if I want to see her again, I will have to call or go see her. It really is a very toxic situation. I was totally drained today and I took a nap. Cat, being able to know that my Daughter is here for me is the positive of all of this madness. This is sad but when I hug my Mom she rarely puts her arms around me. I do the hugging and her arms are at her sides. I don’t want to become angry about this. My Mom really has no one to be there for her when she is sick, ect… My Mom is unable to be the kind of Mom that I would like her to be. I need to accept her for who she is. But I will not take her wrath.

    • #15568
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today was truly trying. My sister in law left a message on my face book telling me that my mother in law is dying. She was trying to get hold of my Husband. My Husband had no contact with his family for years and they don’t know that he has died. He didn’t want me to contact them when he was ill or died. So, I didn’t. I thought about it and I emailed her back telling her that her brother had died. I felt bad for telling her when her Mother is dying but if she didn’t hear from him than she would be wondering what was going on. It kind of took my breath away and even though they need to know the truth, I don’t know if they deserve it. There was so much abuse (mental and physical) that my Husband endured as a child from his Mother. Both of his Sister’s have major issues and my Husband decided about 9 years ago to severe his ties to them. I know I did the right thing in telling her but it was a hard decision as they caused so much pain for my Husband. But I couldn’t live with myself not letting them know. I knew at some point I would have to make that decision. I did have positive news today. My realtor is coming by with paperwork for me to sign tomorrow. The inspection went well and the buyers aren’t asking for anything to be fixed. My Mom came by and is acting like nothing happened. I was busy so she didn’t stay long. I need to set up more boundaries with her. Welcome to my crazy world!!

    • #15569
      icandothis
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth, Your world does seem a bit crazy right now! lol Hang in there. You are handling things very well and making good choices. I can relate to your mother issues. It’s amazing how we still deal with them even as we are old ourselves.

    • #15570
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Ican thanks for the post. Yes, even though my world is crazy, I am trying to deal with the issues in a positive, healthy way. I received a email late last night that my mother in law died. I felt for his sister as she learned of her brother’s and mother’s death on the same day. I hope my Husband’s mother is at peace now as she caused her children so much pain. Ican, I guess I put up with my Mom’s antics because I love her and she is my Mother. But she is unhealthy and I need to put up more boundaries and spend less time with her. My Daughter says I need to invest more time with myself, and she is right. I am going to stay close to home today as I have someone coming over to haul all the tree branches off. I am feeling a little drained.

    • #15571
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear Liz! I read your thread back from when I was away, and you have been going through a lot! Congratulations on selling your condo! Way to go on joining the gym! During the time I was in Winnipeg, I did not follow a healthy eating program, as I wasn’t at my own home, and there was too much stress for me. I can tell I gained back some of the weight I worked so hard to lose, but when I’m ready again, I will try and organize myself so that I can eat better. So much has changed for you since your husband was diagnosed and with his subsequent death. It saddens me to hear that your mother was so very mean-spirited with you. And then to ask you how you like it?? OUCH!! You have done nothing but help her yet she acts like you’ve been the one that has been nasty with her. Once you really get to the point that you know in your heart that she will never be the mother you would have like to have, then it will be easier not to get sucked into her twisted thinking. Thankfully you can take those experiences and turn them around by being the best mother and grandmother you can be for your girls and grandson. Thank you for your support while I was away. It meant a lot. Carole

    • #15572
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, I am so glad that you are at home and are alright. I was worried about you. I am in the city at my Daughter’s apartment. I have the dishwasher and washing machine going. LOL!! She is one busy lady and I don’t mind helping her out. My realtor came by my house earlier this morning for me to sign the inspection papers. We are just waiting for the appraisal to come in. Once that is done and it appraises for at least what I am selling in for (which I can’t imagine it won’t) the loan will be processed. We are supposed to close in 14 days. My realtor said it could even be a few days earlier. I put a call into my lawyer to send me some more of the paperwork from the court as the title company is asking for them at the closing. Everything is moving along (and fast). The guy (hauler) came by yesterday and gave me a estimate. His company is hauling all the tree branches and cleaning up my lot this afternoon. So, tomorrow evening I will come home to a nice clean yard!!! I saw my Mother yesterday and she is so distant from me. It’s all about her and her feelings. I am learning to tune a lot of it out. Yes, once I get it through my head that my Mother isn’t going to be the kind of Mother that I want her to be her words won’t hurt so bad. It is just going to take me some time to get there. I am a good Mother and Grandmother and would never treat my Daughters or Grandson the way she treats others. But she isn’t going to change. She doesn’t think she has a problem, everyone else does. She started comparing myself and my Sister yesterday when I saw her. I thwarted that conversation and talked about something else. I know why she was doing it. She was trying to get me get to me and hurt me because she knows how to push my buttons. I have to be very selective on what I tell her as she tells my Sister everything. I know this because someone who talks to both of us told me things that she has told my Sister. I don’t ask about my Sister’s life but my Mom tries to tell me. If my Sister wanted me know she would be talking to me. I wish her no ill will but we aren’t in each others lives because that is what she chose. Maybe someday but my Mom still stirs the pot causing a bigger rift between us. It is so sad!!!! Positives-My Grandson and Daughter are spending the weekend with me and we are going to work on our tree of life picture (canvas). I want to hang it in my bedroom when it is done. Maybe we will go to the new Lego movie too. Monday we are going to have my Mother over for lunch. She isn’t so bad around other people, so she knows what she is doing. I am picking my Grandson up late from school as on Thursdays he is in a afterschool program (zoology). He loves it!! Well, sorry for rambling. Take care everyone and have a great day!

    • #15573
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Lizbeth

      Wow your mum is a piece of work isn’t she… I think its amazing that you are so kind to her and she gives you all this backlash and game playing.. it is a problem she has though and you dont so just do your best as you are doing. Maybe if she acts this way with you all the time dont invite her to so many things after she has been nasty. Maybe she could put two and two together and see if she is nasty then she misses out on the next visit or something.. i dont know if that is good advice to be honest.. i just say what comes out.
      Glad you are the example of love to your daughter and grandson.

      P

    • #15574
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for your post. I have decided to stop trying to figure my Mother out. I have done nothing wrong to her. I do a lot for her because she is on a fixed income. Since I don’t gamble anymore, I do have extra money every month. I treat my Mother to lunches and dinners and I have given her money or paid for something to help her out. I think I was spending too much time with her. It is time to start joining some clubs in my new town and meeting new people with whom I can maybe have friendships. I love my Mom and she isn’t going to change. I need to do the changing and start limiting my time with her and walking away when she is in one of her nasty moods. I know how I treat the ones I love. I love them with all of my heart. I am waiting for my Grandson to get out of school so we can head to my place. He doesn’t have a bed yet so he can sleep in the guest room. I am going to start working on my new house more. We usually stop for dinner on our way home and my Grandson asked if we could do that today. He is such a joy in my life. My Daughter is at a personal growth seminar today and tomorrow. She text me earlier saying that she was glad she decided to go and invest her time and money in the seminar, that it was amazing. I had lunch with my youngest Daughter today and she is doing well. I am finishing up some laundry and just unloaded the dishwasher. Just little things to help my Daughter out. Have a good day everyone!

    • #15575
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      My Grandson and I made it home safely yesterday evening. We stayed up late last night so we got up late this morning. The only thing on our agenda today is going to see the new LEGO movie in a few hours. My Mom called last night to see if we made it home and acted like she was my best friend. What the heck? She really needs some counseling as I think she has a real problem. She has terrible mood swings and a lot of anger. She tried to throw herself into our plans today and I stopped her telling her that we were going to the movies. She doesn’t like the movies. I told her she could come over sometime this weekend if she wanted. No response. Oh well, I want to enjoy being with my Grandson and my Daughter is coming Sunday evening. Monday we are going fishing real early and having lunch around noon, which my Mom has been invited to already. Oh, my yard looks nice as the tree limbs and yard was cleaned up while I was gone. I am going to enjoy my day with my Grandson. I hope everyone has a great day!

    • #15576
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! When I saw the advertisement for the new Lego movie, I thought of you and your grandson. I know how much he loved LEGOLAND. Good for you for not letting your mother infuse herself into your plans. We definitely need to put boundaries around those people who are toxic to us. We all have them in our lives and recovery teaches us how to do that. I don’t see your mother going to counselling as she doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge that she has problems. So like you said, you need to be the one that changes your behavior towards her, because she isn’t going to change. I know you’ll have a good time with your grandson. Carole

    • #15577
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for your post. My Mom showed up unannounced and brought a angel food cake, strawberries, and whip cream for my Grandson and I. She didn’t stay long. Very strange! Maybe it was a peace offering. We are going to the movie in about 1 hour. When I visit at my Daughter’s place I help put together the EWOK VILLIAGE that my Grandson got for his birthday, it has close to 2000 pieces. He is a big Star Wars fan. I could feel myself getting upset when my Mom showed up. I need to get that into check and deal with her in a healthy way. Yes Carole, I agree that I need to put more boundaries in place with her. She is very toxic.

    • #15578
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      The LEGO movie was real cute! There was a lot of things though that were geared towards adults. My Grandson enjoyed it but there were a lot of younger children in the audience who seemed bored with it. There was a moral to the story so I asked my Grandson after the movie to see if he got it and he did! We went to Walmart today and are at home playing games. My Daughter is coming up this evening after her last seminar at 5:30PM. I am a little down today, I don’t know why. Maybe it is because I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept having a nasty dream that my Mother in law didn’t really die that it was all a hoax and that she showed up to try to contest the sell of the condo. I don’t know where this is coming from???? My Sister is coming up to visit my Mom this Thursday for a few days. I will be in the city at that time. My Mom keeps telling me about it. Okay?? I don’t care! Maybe it is just to get me upset. I would think she would be more centered on keeping a relationship with her as they just reunited recently as my Sister hadn’t talked to her for 2 1/2 years. I think I am still reeling emotionally from her actions. I am having a hard time talking and relating to her. I will have to find a way to deal.

    • #15579
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Well, I am home alone and resting. My Daughter and Grandson left a few hours ago. I had a busy day running after my Grandson while he was on his razor/scooter. I am buying training wheels for his new bike while I am in the city this week as he is having trouble balancing himself. He won’t need them long!! I am going to buy me a bike also, not anything fancy. Then we can go biking together. The appraisal came back on the house and it appraised for more than the selling price. I received the buyers loan status report today and everything is fine. In fact, we should be closing soon. The paralegal from my lawyer’s office is going to mail me the updated personal representative papers this week as the title company is requesting them at closing. My Mother came for lunch today and behaved herself. We are going to the gym tomorrow morning but then I am coming home. There are things that I need to tackle around my house. I feel a little drained. Hope everyone had a good day!

    • #15580
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi again Lizbeth
      I am glad to see you are going to a gym that is wonderful.. good to go and do something that will make you feel good too. Love the time with the grandson and the bike riding. So cute. You both riding together. Nice.
      Hope you have a good night and get some rest after your busy day

      P

    • #15581
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks P for your post! I did get some sleep and I worked out this morning. My legs (thighs) are always a little stiff after the workout but I feel good. I can’t wait to get my bike, maybe next weekend. It has been over 20 years since I have rode a bike. This is going to be interesting. I was looking at this Sunday’s church service message (online) and I am making it a point to attend this Sunday. It’s time to take the plunge! If I don’t care for it there are a lot of churches to attend. I keep making excuses in my head for not going. I think I need to work on my spiritual growth. My Cousin and I have been texting each other since we reunited on my California trip with my Mom. She is coming to visit me in June and I am making plans for a road trip for us. I am looking forward to it!! I had another light bulb moment this morning. I finally get it that my Mother isn’t there for me emotionally and never will be. I have to accept her and our relationship for what it is. It will never be what I want it to be. I am learning to set up more boundaries with her and walk away before I get caught up in the negative and hurtful words and thoughts that come from her mouth. My Grandson, Daughter, and I took a walk this last weekend when they were here and stopped by her house. She had just talked to my Sister and wanted to fill us in on all of her drama. I got up and took my Grandson outside and we sat on the deck waiting for my Daughter. She told me later that she was disturbed on how my Mother her Grandmother delighted in telling my Sister’s problems. I told her that I wasn’t going to listen to it again and that my Grandson who is very sensitive doesn’t need to be hearing all of that gossip. I did feel for my Sister as her youngest son is having another child with someone who is real toxic and a alcoholic. He already has 2 other children with 2 other women whom he pays child support for (and which he should) but has no contact with them. But he is a adult making poor decisions with his life. It still must be heartbreaking for my Sister but she has no control of his actions. My Mom always takes the negative side of everything. She never looks for the positives. But looking back, she has always been like this. Maybe since I am making changes in my life, I am more in tune with it now. I am staying home the rest of the day to do some cleaning and just relax. I hope everyone has a great gamble free day!!!

    • #15582
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! It’s so good to see that you are actively engaged in developing a full life for yourself, which I find to be the biggest challenge for anybody that has any kind of addiction. My life is kind of boring as I don’t accomplish much day after day, and I don’t seem to have the motivation to change that. One of my issues is that I don’t like going out after dark, which is what it is like here all winter, around 4 or 5 pm. I only like to socialize with friends occasionally. My 20 year old granddaughter is now living with me and she has 2 more months of university left this year. She was having interpersonal problems with a male roommate which were ongoing, so I suggested she move in with me and live rent free. We try and give each other space. She is dating a doctor in his residency, and he is working in Calgary for 3 weeks so she took the bus to go visit him. He lives in Edmonton so they have been seeing each other a lot since they met. I took my two little grandgirls to see the Lego Movie. They seemed to enjoy it, but I fell asleep because I thought the movie was boring. My mother seems to be improving very slowly. She is using a walker in her suite as she is very afraid of falling again. I call her more frequently now to see how she is. I know she really appreciated all I did for her while she was hospitalized. I haven’t had a good relationship with her for most of my life as she was not a good mother, and we were estranged for approximately 20 years where I had no contact with her. I have boundaries with her, and she knows that I will not tolerate any unsupportive or derogatory talk. That’s interesting that your mother would bring over a cake like nothing ever happened. That was the way Danny’s parents were: never acknowledging or apologizing for their awful behaviors, and choosing to sweep it under the rug, rather than admit they behaved badly. I’m not like that so it was hard for me to accept that. It doesn’t sound like your mother is the apologizing type, nor is there much hope that at her age, she is going to change. Maybe do what I do with Danny- I send him home when he behaves in a way I don’t like. Carole

    • #15583
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for your post. I am trying to get my life together and going out of my comfort zone to try to make new friends and do new things. It is hard but most of the time it is good. I am coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my Husband’s death. I can’t believe that it has been 1 year since that devastating day. I have made a lot of changes and I feel like I have grown a lot. I don’t dwell on his death everyday but yesterday I just wanted to be alone. I was feeling so sad and I missed him so much. I am feeling better today. I am in the city and had my oil changed in the car this morning. I had lunch with my youngest Daughter and I picked up my Grandson from his after school class. We are have Chinese take out for dinner tonight as my Daughter is going to a support group meeting tonight. Tomorrow morning is the ceremony for her 1 year medallion pinning. I am proud of her for staying sober through so many challenges. It is hard work but she is doing it. Tomorrow after school I am taking my Grandson to the dentist for his check up. No big deal! Nothing else going on. I hope you all had a great day!

    • #15584
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      The one year medallion ceremony was awesome! My Grandson and I went up with my Daughter and after she spoke, I told her how much I loved her and how proud of her I was. She called me from work afterwards while I was taking my Grandson to school to say how happy she was that I was there with her. And that it meant the world to her and I told her that I felt the same. We have gone full circle in our relationship and it makes me feel so happy. Today has been good and going to the dentist this afternoon will be a breeze. I had the dishwasher overflow and the kitchen floor was full of suds and water!!! My thought as I was mopping up the floor with towels is that now the kitchen floor is clean!!! LOL!!!!

    • #15585
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I’m back home and exhausted! I have learned that the first day I am home from the city I accomplish nothing. LOL!!! My Grandson’s dental visit wasn’t fun! He did well with the x-rays but when it came to the cleaning, he had a meltdown. He detests the taste of the paste they use. After a lot of crying and me coaxing him, the cleaning was done. He has no cavities!! Yeah!!!! My Daughter and Grandson went on a walk for cancer today. They went with friends who have lost family members and friends from cancer. Next year we are going to have tee shirts with my Husband’s picture on them and I will join them. I still am having bouts of sadness about his death. They don’t last long and are coming less and less. It is just hard some days!! I am trying to stay motivated and keeping busy!!!! Have a good day everyone!

    • #15586
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! You have done so well since your husband was diagnosed with cancer and his subsequent death. You have been a rock to your grandson and your daughters! You have managed to move on and sell your condo and purchase a new home closer to your mother. You have found peace and tranquility away from the city! You have days of sadness related to his death, and you are going to have that for some time still, as his death is recent. It hasn’t even been a year yet!!! By the way folks I saw a recent picture of Liz’s husband and he was very good-looking! I don’t know how I forgot to mention that for so long!!! Carole

    • #15587
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post Carole! My Husband was a very handsome man! It is strange, sometimes I feel like it has been ages since my Husband’s death and at other times it feels like yesterday. At times, I still replay his last day alive in my mind. Most of the time I think of him and remember times in our relationship (almost 30 years) and I think about something we did or some event that happened and it makes me smile. But there are times where I think of his last 2 months of life and all that he went through and I get very sad. It is getting better but it is very hard emotionally. I would give anything to have grown old with him and I am envious of elderly couples who I see holding hands. I wish that could have been us. My Husband always thought that he wouldn’t live past the age of 40. He has a family history of cancer and his Father died of cancer when he was 40 years old. His Mother and one of his Sisters had cancer also. So, he wasn’t shocked when he found out that he had cancer. Both of my Daughter’s told me after his death about how he was so worried about me and how I was going to be after he died. That was him! Even though we had issues in our marriage (who doesn’t), he loved me more than anything and he would have done anything he could for me. I know that I will never find someone who loved me as much as he did. If I ever am in another relationship, it will never be the same as with my Husband. I have grown and made a lot of big decisions on my own since his death and I feel like my life is going in a positive direction. Losing someone is just a difficult thing to go through and even when you have support, you have to go through a lot of the stuff by yourself and sort it out and deal with it. While I was in the city, my youngest Daughter wanted to see the house that I grew up in and that she remembered from her early childhood. We took pictures of it and we talked to a woman who lived next door and her Daughter owns the house and she owns the one next to it. She was very nice and didn’t object to us taking pictures. My Mom owned the house for 36 years and my Grandmother owned the house across the street for years. It brought back a lot of memories!!!! Nothing much on my agenda today. I am going to tackle the last 3 boxes in my Grandson’s room as I want to buy him a captains bed (drawers underneath). I need to start re-painting and doing things around here to make it more homey. Have a great day everyone!!

    • #15588
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz
      Thanks for your post.. I dont know that there is a time frame for grief and i am sure that a part of you will always miss your hubby for the rest of your life.. you spent so many years together, it is only natural your loss.
      Your lucky grandson.. a captains bed. Wow he is going to have lovely memories of you for his life. I just hope you do enough nice things for yourself too.
      I am amazed you go to the gym and look after your grandson, supportive to your daughter etc.. and your mum.
      I love to hear of your days. I feel so close to everyone here. Though we are far away i feel i know you. Though we have never met. I still feel you are a friend as i do all here.. its wonderful..
      Look forward to your next post

      P

    • #15589
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      P, I feel like we are friends also. I would love to meet everyone with whom I have connected to here on GT. Maybe one day we will meet. My Mom called after my Sister left to go home. She asked me to come over and spend some time with her as she missed me. Part of me is always on alert with her as I don’t know which way she will turn. I am reading a awesome book that my Daughter gave to me on meditating and cleansing your mind of past hurts, ect… I spent 2 hours with her this afternoon and there were a couple of times where she went on about my Sister and she was trying to ruffle me and be hurtful. I took it in, let it go, and didn’t react and I turned the conversation around. It worked!!! She let it go and was pleasant. I am learning!!!

    • #15590
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! My life is such a mess right now, especially compared to how yours is. You have managed your life so well, even though you have had such huge stressors, like the death of your husband. You obviously have a lot of strength and character! I need to get back on track with many areas of my life. Carole

    • #15591
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, I do think that I have dealt well considering that my Husband’s death but there were many days that I laid in bed right after his death and I couldn’t get myself to get up. If I hadn’t had the support of my friends, you in particular, I don’t know what I would have done. Suicide, did cross my mind a few times in the beginning because life was just too painful. Now, I would never think of that. I am being blunt and honest and I hope that I am not offending anyone. I have had several slips with gambling and have moved forward. You have been busy taking care of your Mother and saving a life by donating your stem cells. You will get back on track. I am here for you!!! I worked out this morning and my butt and thigh muscles are screaming!! LOL!!! I ate healthy today also. I am getting my taxes done tomorrow and I have everything I need in a folder. I am thinking that I will probably have to pay taxes. It is what it is!!! I haven’t heard from my realtor or the title company, just waiting for all the loan documents to come in. The 27th of this month was just a rough estimate. We might close a few days later. Just one more thing to cross off my list of things to do. It has been windy all day here. It looks like we might have rain this weekend which is a good things as we have been rain free for 60 days and didn’t have a lot of snow this winter. The main concern is that this town is surrounded by forests and we have a lot of lightning strikes during the summer which cause 90% of our wildfires. I have a emergency bag packed with important documents, medicines, ect.. in case we ever have to evacuate in a hurry. Hopefully that will never happen. Well, I am tired as I didn’t sleep well last night. It is going to be a early night. Take care everyone.

    • #15592
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) I hear you about feeling suicidal when your husband died. I felt the same way when my brother died for a short while as I too didn’t think I could manage the crushing grief. Way to go on healthy eating and exercising! I will probably start walking once the spring weather arrives!! Like many people in Canada, I am sick of the cold winter, but I know that soon I’ll be complaining of how hot it is! Carole

    • #15593
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks for the post Carole! I worked out this morning and my muscles are feeling it. I didn’t eat healthy or exercise regularly last year so it’s time to start. I am just doing the treadmill for 30 mins and the bike for 20 mins. Once I get acclimated to that, I want to use the weight room. It is hard once you past 50 years of age to get your metabolism going again and lose weight. I did gain weight after my Husband’s death. When I am in the city, I walk around the park that is close to my Daughter’s apartment for exercise. I am working on it!!! I had my taxes done today and I have to pay both the federal and state. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. Just another thing to cross off my list for another year. My Mother and Sister did a puzzle (last weekend when she was here) that I had bought my Mother sometime ago. I love it, so we transferred it to a piece of cardboard and I used puzzle glue hold it all together. I bought a frame for it and I am hanging it in my spare bedroom. It is going to look great there!!! Nothing else going on in my life right now. I have 2 more boxes in my Grandson’s room to unpack. I am going to tackle my storage/work shed tomorrow after the gym. I kind of just threw things in there and I need to organize it. I want to buy a chest freezer to put in there as my refrigerator freezer is so small. Also, I can blanch fresh vegetables when they are on sale and store them there. My new place is coming together although there are a lot of things I want to do. I need to repaint the bedrooms and patch nail holes where pictures were hung. They didn’t do a great job on painting, but it isn’t a big deal. I just talked to my realtor and the buyer asked for a extension of 7 days to close. They are waiting for all of the documents to come in for the loan. I told her no problem. I will have to be in the city to sign all the paperwork at the title company when everything is ready. I will probably have to make a extra trip but that’s ok, it will all be over with and I will have a check in hand. Yeah!!! Plus, I will be able to save the money spent on the condo monthly. I am determined to put that into savings. That is my goal!!!!

    • #15594
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am getting ready to go to the gym. My realtor is coming over today with the 7 day extension paper for me to sign. I received a email from my insurance (car and condo) agent last night directed towards my Husband and asking for information that I have provided to them on several occasions. The insurance is supposed to be in my name as I faxed a paper to change it to them 2 weeks ago. I responded to the email stating I am confused to why they want to keep directing questions to a deceased person and why they want information that has been given to them several times. I told the agent that it is painful for them to keep asking to talk to my Husband when they have been supplied with a death certificate. I have even gone to the office in the city and been face to face with this person. Once the condo is sold and I stop the insurance, I will find new car insurance also. I have been with the same company for years but since my Husband’s death it has just been a circus!!! I don’t understand. It is rude and disrespectful.

    • #15595
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      (((Liz))) You’re no slouch if you can do 50 minutes of exercise at the gym! That’s amazing for anyone, but especially for you, as you had a heart attack. Sorry that the insurance company can’t get its act together and stop phoning for your husband. When I worked for the federal government we used to call our clients and do reviews over the phone. I called an elderly lady and asked to speak to her husband only to be informed that he had died. I felt so horrible but the widow had not informed us of his death so I had no way of knowing. There is no excuse that the insurance company keeps doing this to you. I remember someone telling me that it was a shot in the heart when they would receive mail addressed to their loved one who had died.It’s going to take you time before you can get your house and yard to a condition where everything is at a point where you’re satisfied. That’s what home ownership is all about! Good to hear that your tax bill isn’t going to be as much as you dreaded. That’s always great news!! I want to come see your new digs, but my life is up in the air right now, and hopefully I’ll be working in the near future. Carole

    • #15596
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Carole, You are welcomed at my place anytime! I worked out this morning and the realtor came by for me sign the extension paper. So, we will close by the 7th of March maybe sooner. I went to a clothing store with my Mom and bought 2 shirts. We went and had a salad for lunch. I received a email from my insurance agent apologizing to me. It seemed heartfelt so I calmed down. I am still changing insurances after the condo closes. Yes, it is going to take me time to get my home (inside) and the outside looking the way I want. I have been working on the storage/workshop shed. Just a little more to do. Tomorrow I am going to the city for 2 days. The new personal representative letters are back and waiting for me at the lawyer’s office. I will swing by there tomorrow and pick them up. My Grandson is coming home with me for the weekend. We will leave Friday after school is out. I went to the store and picked up the things he likes to eat. It is supposed to rain all weekend, but if it doesn’t we will spend some time outdoors. Take care everyone!

    • #15597
      peacegirl
      Συμμετέχων

      Hello Liz,
      I am new to this forum, this is my first post and I am replying to your thread of posts because I read through all of them and it is truly amazing all you have gone through and accomplished! This past year was terribly hard for me, my dad had a heart attack a month later my older brother was killed in a truck accident and his wife (my sis in law) who had terminal leukemia came to live with us so I could take care of her. She passed away on the 10th of Feb. this month! In between and for the past 5 years I have been a compulsive gambler, trying to quit- I have quit off and on and even went to see a therapist who specializes in eye movement therapy- but I have always returned to gamble. Your posts are upbeat, about what you do every day to keep from thinking of gambling and it inspires me!! Thank you- I hope I can continue to read more from you.

    • #15598
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Well its just me popping in again for a chat! That grandson is just so lucky and so are his parents to have you.. I just love hearing of your adventures.. you have inspired me to start exercising and though that inspiration at this moment is just in the thought process it is there, the cogs are turning hehe. something is moving even if it is only in my brain right now.
      Enjoy the time with your grandson this weekend. Hope you do something nice for you too. What is your favourite food? I always love knowing this about people.. it might sound strange but i always ask people what they like to eat probably because i love my food… see you soon Liz

      P

    • #15599
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Peacegirl and P for your posts!! Peacegirl, you have gone through a lot with the death of your Brother and Sister in law and your Father’s health issues. I am glad that you are here. You will find a lot of support!! Stay with us and keep posting. P, you are always so sweet. I hope to have a good weekend with my Grandson. I love Mexican food, it is my downfall. LOL!!! I am in the city for 2 days. I signed a 7 day extension yesterday for the close on the condo but received a call from the title company later saying that we are going to close this Friday. Yea!!! When I arrived today, I went by the lawyer’s office and picked up the new personal representative papers I need for closing, went by the condo to leave the mailbox keys and to say good bye for the last time. I am going to the title company tomorrow after I drop my Grandson off at school to sign the final papers on the condo. It was sad to say the final goodbye but like I have said before, my new home feels like home now. After school is out, we are going to my place for the weekend. We are expecting rain all weekend, if not, we will be going on walks and enjoying the outdoors. I am planning a trip to Sante Fe, New Mexico for my Daughter, Grandson, and I next month. It is so beautiful there. (It is spring break for my Grandson) Just a little trip to get away for a few days.

    • #15600
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      This morning I signed the final paper to close on the condo. That part of my journey is over with. I have a friend who lives in the condos and with whom I have lunch with every month, so I will still be able to see the community. The city isn’t for me anymore. Too much traffic and people rushing about. Today after school, my Grandson and I will be going to my place for the weekend as my Daughter is working on a big project for work. In the aftermath of reducing the workforce and cutting hours at her employment, she has landed 2 huge accounts for the company and is working her butt off. She was drained by the time I got here yesterday. I took over so she could get some sleep and re-group as she was stressing out (stomach problems). She was in a much better mood this morning. I am doing some laundry, ect…so she doesn’t have to deal with that and she can concentrate on her work business. The woman at the title company was very nice and personable. She lost her Father last year to cancer and she talked to me about it and I talked to her about losing my Husband. It is good to be able to talk about it now without falling to pieces. I am looking into things for us to do in Sante Fe. They have a huge Folklore Museum and Children’s Museum that I think that we would all enjoy. There is a lot to experience there. I asked my Daughter and Grandson to come with me as we all need to just get away and de-stress and explore some place new!!! I am excited! I am going to be able to tuck away my proceeds from the sell of the condo and not touch it. If I was gambling and had that money it would be a disaster!!! I respect my money now and I realize how my Husband had to work hard for everything that he left me. Taking trips, ect…is something that I will have memories of not blowing it at a casino!!! I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when my Daughter commented on how I look like I have lost some weight. I think it is more that I have lost a few inches around my waist area. I am working hard on it and this time I feel like I have really mentally committed myself on exercising and eating right. Just another page of my journey! Sometimes it takes me awhile to get it right!!!! Have a great day everyone!!

    • #15601
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I awoke this morning to the sound of rain. Yeah!! My trees and plants and the surrounding forest is getting water. We really need it!!! My sweet Grandson is still sleeping!! He was going to try to stay up all night, so we were camping out in the living room. Somewhere along the way, I fell asleep for 1 hour. When I woke up he was in my room in bed asleep. LOL!!! Nothing really going on today. I am going to hang out with my Grandson and I am having my Mother over for dinner (meatloaf) . We might make a trip to Walmart for a few things and maybe pick up a new video game to play. I hope that everyone has a good gamble free day!!

    • #15602
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      It’s great that you were able to close on the condo. Nothing is selling around here I can tell you.
      I feel like your grandson-I am really ready for sleep!
      bettie

    • #15603
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Bettie, thanks for the post. It rain most of yesterday and it still looks like rain. It was nice, just a steady rain. I know my trees and plants are loving it!! I am leaving for the city to take my Grandson home a little earlier than planned. His Dad called yesterday and a co worker gave him 2 tickets to Nascar for today. My Grandson is excited to go and his Dad’s friend also has a son so he will have someone to hang out with. Dinner last night was good and my Mom came over and ate and we talked. She and I will never be on the same page, but that’s the way it is and it isn’t going to change. I am going to have a busy month as my Daughter and her best friend are going to be training for 1 week, north of where I live for their mountain climbing trip to Peru this summer. I will come to the city and take care of my Grandson for that week as he has school, baseball, karate, ect… The next week will be spring break for him and towards the end of that week we are going to explore Sante Fe. In April, I have invited my Daughter for a weekend at a spa. My Grandson will stay at his Dad’s. It will be nice and relaxing, adult time. I am looking forward to it!! Well, got to go and make some breakfast for the little one as he should be getting up soon. Have a awesome day everyone!!

    • #15604
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I went to the gym this morning and the treadmill and bike are getting easier for me, so I sped up the treadmill and raised the incline. I can still feel my muscles working. I am going to start working out in the weight room soon. I need to tone up!!! I had lunch with my Mom. I am in for the night and plan to have leftover meatloaf and asparagus for dinner. My Grandson got car sick on the way home yesterday, (a first). He told me that his stomach gets a little upset when he rides in a car for awhile. I was worried that he was coming down with something but my Daughter said that he was feeling fine this morning and went to school. I know there are medicines for older children and adults to take for motion sickness but I need to find something for him as I plan for us to take a few road trips this year. Maybe I can find a natural remedy. So, if anyone knows of something we could use please tell me. Nothing else going on here. Hopefully there will be something good on TV or maybe I can read. I have been having gambling thoughts the last few days. Why? I don’t know! I have tons of things to keep me busy here, so that is what I am focusing on. Gambling would be a disaster for me as I now have enough money to do some traveling and I want to explore places that I haven’t seen. There is so much of the United States that I have never seen. I am taking it one day at a time!!!!

    • #15605
      reds
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi ((Liz )) – Thanks for your post on my thread – always so good to hear from you. I think my life is going on much the same as before but I am viewing it differently and feeling better. I just finished reading a book called You Can Heal Your Life – it is helping me get to the root causes of why I gambled, and teaching me a healthier way to view things mentally.
      I have started exercising almost every day and started eating healthier too. And it does help my moods for sure.
      Good luck with your move and settling into your new home – it is exciting to explore a new area.
      I hope you get the appointment as executor and can finally get the estate settled. One less thing to deal with.
      I really admire the way you have coped through the illness and loss of your husband. Good for you for staying in recovery and staying positive. Your strength has been an inspiration for me. I hope you have a great gamble free day.
      reds

    • #15606
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Reds, thank you for your post!! I am always happy to hear how you are doing!!! I received a frantic call from my Daughter this afternoon. My Grandson was vomiting through the night and didn’t go to school today. My Daughter worked from home but needs to go to work tomorrow for a client meeting. She sounded exhausted. So, I am in the city and we washed all of her bedding, ect… Everyone is resting now and everything is good. I officially closed on the condo today. The title company was waiting for some paperwork and finally received it. My proceeds were wired into my savings account. Awesome!!! I have planned and paid for the spa getaway in April. I haven’t had any gambling thoughts today. I am keeping busy. I brought all my empty boxes to my Daughter’s today for her move the end of July!!! Nothing else going on. I hope everyone had a great gamble free day.

    • #15607
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      It’s a beautiful morning here. Everyone had a good nights sleep and my Grandson woke feeling much better. He ate a little breakfast and wanted to go to school. My Daughter was apologetic about asking me to come here early. I told her that it was alright as I could spend more time with her and my Grandson and that I would do some things to help her out around the apartment while she was at work. My Grandson is so wise for his age. He told his Mom and I that he was so happy that we are getting along better and that we enjoy being together now. He said that we really have worked on it. He said that it made him feel happy too!!! How smart is that!!! It touched my heart! My youngest Daughter’s birthday is soon so tomorrow we are going out for lunch!!! Then later tomorrow my oldest Daughter and I are doing some window shopping as my shopping is limited where I live. Well, I am going to finish up some laundry. I hope that everyone has a happy, gamble free day. Take care.

    • #15608
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz it is always wonderful to read your posts as they are so positive. Your grandson sounds like one smart cookie!!! If I was to describe the feeling that I get from your posts, it’s like there is a lightness to you in them. You are looking at all the positive things. You have done so much in this last year it truly is remarkable how far you have come. I don’t mean to take away from what you have gone through, but it’s like you have survived. I know that you will still have sad times grieving for your husband, but you are moving forward and living your life. You are doing things for you such as joining the gym. I know that you mentioned finding a church to go to, but not sure if you have done that yet. It seems that you are living your life and doing things and trying things and generally making a new life for yourself. You really are an incredible person to have come through all this and have such a positive attitude. I admire you Liz. Have an incredible day. I learn so much by reading your posts and for that I thank you.

    • #15609
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thank you Cat for your kind post! I want to live a positive life. I took so much for granted till my Husband died. I watched him fight for his life. I wondered, does he have any regrets, things that he would change? We never talked much about it as he was a quiet man who kept a lot to himself. I know that he didn’t do everything he wanted to do. I decided that I will experience things, places, and do my best to stay positive. Cat, I haven’t joined a church yet. I did go to church one Sunday in my new town. I am not sure if it is for me but there are many to choose from. I need to keep trying. I would like to go to one that does things for the community. My Grandson didn’t make it through the day at school yesterday. I picked him up early as his tummy wasn’t feeling well. I was sick all day yesterday. I am feeling a little better today. I slept well last night. I think it is just a virus which has to run its course. I am supposed to have lunch with my youngest Daughter today. I need to do that as I don’t see her often. She isn’t making the best choices with her life right now. I call her often and see her when I am in the city but our relationship isn’t the best right now. She knows that I am here for her and will support her in anyway I can. It is a hard place to be. I can only hope and pray that she decides to get professional help. Well, I need to jump into the shower before everyone wakes up. Have a great day everyone!

    • #15610
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Well, last night was a back slide for my oldest Daughter and I. We ended up in a heated disagreement and in front of my Grandson, which I totally feel like a AXX about!!! I wasn’t feeling well and she was tired, no excuse, but I could see it coming to that and I should have just left. I told her that I would go to a hotel and come back in the morning to take my Grandson to school and that’s when she and I started talking calmly and were able to agree to disagree. I apologized deeply to my Grandson who had become quiet upset by then. I told my Daughter that I could see old, bad habits surfacing again in the way we talk to each other and I didn’t want to go there again as it serves no purpose. Things were better this morning!!! I had my yearly mammogram this morning and a few errands that I had to take care of. I am so careful with my health since my heart attack and I make sure to get all of my yearly tests and physical done. I am relaxing now till I pick my Grandson up from school and then this evening, I will be going back home. Next Thursday when I come down I will be staying for 8 days as my Daughter and her friend are training in another town, 150 miles from here, mountain climbing and hiking for their Peru trip. The following week is my Grandsons spring break and then our Santa Fe trip. Most of that week will be spent with me except for his baseball game days. I am feeling much better today, just a little tired. I am hopeful that my Daughter and I will be able to move forward from here and learn that we need to be respectful of each other. It is hard coming into her house and she want’s me to help but I have to watch overstepping my boundaries as she feels like I am taking over. I need to find a good balance. I am trying.

    • #15611
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I am back home now for 5 days. I left on good terms with my Daughter and she called me to make sure that I got home alright and told me how much she loved me!!! We are making progress even though we had some problems yesterday. Even though my Grandson was upset at the time, he saw that we work it out and were able to continue on!! Oh, when I came home today I stopped by my Mothers. She asked if she could borrow $200. Of course I said yes but wondered why she was broke as she just received her check on the 1st. She proceeded to tell me that she went to the casino yesterday and blew a lot of money. I was upset. She doesn’t want to believe she has as problem and when I have tried to talk to her about my gambling addiction she doesn’t want to hear about it as you don’t talk about problems like that. Well, I will give her the $200 this time. She could tell by my face and loss of words that I was troubled by the whole thing. I am not going to sucked into her gambling issues. Now, if she wanted help then I would help her with going to GA meetings, ect… I am not going to enable her from this point forward. Wow, this is mind boggling for me!!!

    • #15612
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      When I look back Liz I believe that my brother that passed in 2002 was also a cg. It didn’t strike me at the time but his daily lottery play came before food and rent-as a matter of fact he lost his trailer mone because he didn’t pay his lot rent on time. I had him, his wife and both girls living with me for a couple months until my folks bailed him out and he moved near them. Life is funny as I never made that connection that lottery players can be cg too.
      My daughter still plays Bingo and scratch off tickets. She does it behind my back as I have confronted her about it after finding all those scratchoffs when she moved from her apartment.
      Makes me wonder…..
      bettie

    • #15613
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Bettie, My Mother is a cg. When I was younger and living close to her with my family, she and I would go to bingo all the time. She is the one who introduced me to Las Vegas. She refuses to talk about being addicted to gambling because she doesn’t want to deal with it and find the underlying reasons why she is a addict. It’s a cop out! I am going to talk to her once more about the situation. I gave her the $200, but I am going to tell her that I won’t give her any more money to gamble with. I will help her out otherwise but not enable her. I spent part of the morning in the emergency room with her as the cotton tip of a QTIP was lodged in her ear canal. I couldn’t get it out with tweezers and I didn’t want to push it further down the canal. The doctor got it out and told her not to put a QTIP in her ear again.??? I don’t know???? Anyways, I slept horribly last night and we had made plans to have lunch together. So I made a salad and steamed some asparagus, she is supposed to bake some chicken. I think I am going to have a nap later. One of my friends just text me saying she was thinking of me as my Husband’s 1 year death anniversary is coming up on the 12th. It has been a hard year but some really amazing things have happened to me. It is a lot to reflect on. Take care everyone.

    • #15614
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Well, I had a nice lunch and a long walk with my Mother. She is never going to admit that she is a cg. In fact, my cousin is supposed to be coming here for a few days from the city, the one who was here last month. My Mom says they are going to the casino when she is here visiting. She has to be getting money off of her credit cards. Wow, I remember how I maxed out many credit cards and what a terrible mess I put myself and Husband in. My Mom is not going to admit that she is a cg. It took me a long time to admit that. But every time I have on something new or a new pair of shoes she comments on how I spend my money. I’d rather be able to buy myself something than to blow the money at the casino. She has been going on about my Sister since her last visit, last month. I am not ready to try to reconcile with her yet. I know that I will be the one to reach out as she never will. It will be 1 year in a few days since we have talked. I forgive her for the mean things she said and the disrespect that she showed after my Husband died but I won’t forget. Our relationship hadn’t been good for a long time. I hope one day to reach out to her and start a new relationship as life is too short!!! Hospice sent me a beautiful card today recognizing the almost 1 year mark of my Husband’s death. It was comforting. Sometimes, I feel like I am alone when I am at my new house as my Mom and my relationship is so superficial. I am overly tired today so maybe that is why I am feeling a little down. I am going to stay home tomorrow and clean and do laundry and putter around the house. Maybe I will go for a walk.

    • #15615
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Today is the 1 year anniversary of my Husband’s death. My Daughter called this morning to see if I was alright and to tell me that she was here for me. I am ok. I miss him. We were together for 30 years and he knew me better than anyone else. Even though we had our own issues (who doesn’t) he was my best friend and we talked about everything. I miss that. I miss the way he made me laugh. He was always the prankster and loved to play tricks on others. He will forever be in my heart. I have all the memories stored away. It was a honor to hold his hand while he took his final breaths. I know that he has help guide me along my new life path and is always with me. That is a comfort!!!

    • #15616
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today. It is wonderful to see that you are focusing on the happy memories that you have of your husband. 30 years is a long time to be with someone and to be on your own is such an adjustment, and you are doing everything with such strength and dignity. I know that I complain about my husband, and no marriage is perfect, but I also know that I would be lonely and miss him if he was not here. You have achieved so much in the year Liz, and it has not been easy for you, but you got through it one day at a time. I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings throughout the year as we all benefit from them. It sounds as if your husband had a good sense of humour if he was a prankster. Think of something funny he did and treasure the memory.

    • #15617
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Cat for your thoughtful post. I have made it through most of the day even though I had a rough start this morning. The tears kept coming and I just cried until I couldn’t anymore. I have been sick the last 3 days with a stomach virus and today I finally was feeling better physically. I took my Mother to lunch, which probably wasn’t a good idea since I was feeling so vulnerable and emotional. I told her I was having a hard day and why and she never said anything back to me. Like she didn’t give a shxx!!! Then she proceeded to go on about how my Sister is having such a rough time because she broke up with her boyfriend and her oldest son is in trouble again. I was crushed!!! I don’t know why I think that I am going to get something from my Mother that she can’t give to me!!! I then asked her if she still missed her Husband, my step-father, who has been dead almost 8 years. She said she was mad at him for not taking care of himself. Oh boy, I dropped her off after lunch and came home. Enough of that story!!! I have been reflecting on memories of my Husband. I feel like I have been blessed to have had him in my life and I know that he has watched over me from heaven. I think that he is happy for me and all of the changes that I have made. I will never forget him.

    • #15618
      icandothis
      Συμμετέχων

      Thinking of you today, ((Liz)) I know your husband is very proud of you. Hang on to all those great memories!

    • #15619
      cat438
      Συμμετέχων

      Liz, you have survived another tough day in the grieving process, and that is the Anniversary of your husband’s death. It may always be a sad day for you for years, but that’s okay. I know that it took me years to get over the loss of my mother, and as the anniversary date of her passing approached I found myself getting down. I know that my Mum would not have wanted me to be so sad, but at the time I was so wrapped up in my grief. It is over 20 years since she passed, but I always think of her that day. She was only 61 and that is how old I am now, well for another month LOL It is difficult when our loved ones are taken away too young.
      I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.

    • #15620
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Ican and Cat for your posts. Your thoughts are comforting. I made it through yesterday. I had a phone call from my Grandson and it was awesome. He told me that he was sad too but that we should think of the good memories and times we had with Papa!!! I am off to the city soon for 8 days. I am feeling better emotionally and physically. I finally had a good nights sleep. I had a dream that my Grandson, Husband and I were swimming in a beautiful blue pool. It look like we were at a resort. No one ever said anything. We just looked happy and were swimming. It was awesome and calming.

    • #15621
      bettie
      Συμμετέχων

      Well Liz I can relate. I think our mom’s are sisters as no matter the issue I try to explain to her she has a need to one up me-even if she has to make the story up! We had my neices birthday last Sunday and my brothers friend came over. The poor guy-she just went on and on about nothing, dominating the conversation until the poor guy left! It’s a shame that I avoid spending any time with her-I just can’t take it. God commands we love one another-He didn’t say anything about liking them!
      bettie

    • #15622
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz)))! Please forgive me for not acknowledging your husband’s first year death anniversary. You made it through that first year brilliantly. You are like the phoenix that rises from the ashes. You do seem to be much busier since you moved from the city, with helping out your daughter and being Grandma to your grandson. Way to go on selling your condo!! One less thing to concern yourself with. Your Mom is a cg?? Who would have guessed? Now maybe there is a partial explanation as to why she doesn’t like herself and tries to bring others down to her unhappiness level. I have not been posting due to the ups and downs in my relationship with Danny, and the confusion it has created for me. Danny finally heard from his employer about the unprofessional behavior he exhibited. He is unwelcome to return to both job sites, which means that the only possible job he may have with this company is in Edmonton working on new policies and procedures. There will be no overtime, no hardship pay as he is no longer working up north, so it will be a huge drop in pay for him. He is aware that he cannot stay with me if he is working in Edmonton. He wants me to move back to the country so that I can clean and manage the renters’ house, citing that I will make more money doing that than I will in a job in my field. I had a job interview yesterday and was told that they had been interviewing this week, and that they will make a decision next week as to who they bring back for a second interview with the Executive Director. I interviewed well though I was a bit nervous. I seem to have lost some of my confidence when it comes to interviewing. Hope you’re having a good day today Liz!! Carole

    • #15623
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      I just found out that my Uncle passed away. This is the Aunt and Uncle that my Mom and I visited last year. He lived a long life, 90 years. I think that I will pick my Grandson up from school and take him to the park and play and feed the ducks.

    • #15624
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      Dear (((Liz))))! Sorry to hear that your Uncle passed away. It was good of you to take your Mom to visit last year. Carole

    • #15625
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole for your post. It is just sad to see all my Aunts and Uncles passing away. I have only the 1 Aunt left and she is 91 years old. Her Husband is the one who passed and I don’t think it will be long till she follows him. This was both of their 2nd marriages and they were married for 61 years. She told my Mom and I last summer that she wanted them to die together. That whole generation of our family is almost gone. At some time my Mother will be the only one left. I hope I get to live a long life as my Grandmother lived to the age 96 and she was with it till 4 years before she died. But as we know, life goes on. My Uncle lived a long and happy life!!!! I am so happy that I saw both of them last year. It was meant to be.

    • #15626
      desdemona
      Συμμετέχων

      That’s the thing (((Liz))) is when our parents, aunts and uncles pass on, then it moves us to the front of the line in terms of our generation passing on as well. It’s good that your mother visited with them last year. The Aunt that is 91 years old is your mother’s sister, right? Any plans to take your mother to see her again? Carole

    • #15627
      p
      Συμμετέχων

      Hi Liz

      I am sorry to hear of your aunty passing.. it is hard. Good that you are spending all this time with your grandson. I hope that you are doing things for you too.. some nice treats for yourself, as you are always caring for someone else so i hope you pass that same care to yourself.
      Congratulations on your gamble free journey and your beautiful attitude through the one year since your husbands passing. I think you have done amazingly well. I am often inspired by your days.

      P

    • #15628
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Thanks Carole and P for your posts. My 91 year old Aunt is my Mother’s Sister. That is her last living sibling. I asked her if she wanted to fly out for the funeral so she could be with her Sister and she told me no. Carole, it took me over 5 years to get my Mother to go see her Sister last year. She will never go again. I can’t get her to take any little trips with me as I have asked her repeatedly. Last year we went on 2 trips, one to see her Sister and I took her on a 3 day spa trip. She has no interest in going anywhere. Yes, they are the last of their generation. My Mother is the youngest and there is 15 years between her sister and herself. I have tons of 1st cousins whom are all older than myself. My Sister and I are the youngest. It is sad to see them all go. P, I treated myself to a mani/pedi today and some new hiking boots. My Daughter leaves tomorrow morning for 4 days, so my Grandson and I will be on our own. It is hard staying here for any length of time as her apartment is so small, so I needed to get out for awhile today. She does have a back patio and the weather is great here, so I sit outside and read. It is manageable and I love being with them. I have plans this week to have lunch with a friend while my Grandson is in school. We have some catching up to do. Well, nothing else is going on. We are going to grill some chicken and steaks this evening. My Grandson had his baseball pictures taken this morning. I can’t wait to see them. Take care everyone. I am so amazed that I am not thinking about gambling. There have been some stressful and tense times for me lately and I haven’t fell back on bad habits. My coping skills are getting better. There are still a lot of things in my life that I need to work on and I am committed on doing that. Have a great day everyone!

    • #15629
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Yesterday my Daughter left for her trip. She will be back late Wednesday evening. My Grandson and I went to a amusement park and played. He rode rides and we played a lot in the arcade. 6 hours later we left and went to his favorite burger place and had dinner. Needless to say, he was out once he had a bath. He has karate camp after school today, so I won’t pick him up till 5:30pm. I have been keeping myself busy cleaning the stove, fridge, and pantry. Now, I am doing some laundry and the dishwasher is going. I am surrounded by casinos in the city. I did have a fleeting thought of going for a few hours while he was in school. How crazy is that??? I don’t know where that came from?? So, I decided to keep myself busy and help my Daughter out!! It is strange that the thoughts and urges to gamble can just come out of the blue and entice you. I won’t go there today!!!

    • #15630
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Well, today is just flying by! My Grandson didn’t want to go to school. I think he wanted to stay home with Nana. I made him go but it was hard looking at that beautiful face with a pout on it!!! I had my car cleaned and did a little grocery shopping. Tonight there is a baseball game! So, I have his baseball uniform and equipment ready to go. He is really into this and it is his 3rd season of playing. He has a regular mitt and a catcher’s mitt. He loves to play the catcher’s position but they rotate everyone so they play all positions. He has his own bat and batting helmet also!!!! I am going home Thursday afternoon after the nurse (life insurance) comes out to take blood and urine from me. I will be home for 4 days and then come back to get my Grandson since next week is his spring break. A week from this Friday, we will be on our road trip to Santa Fe!! I am looking forward to it!! I send a plant to my Aunt (whose Husband recently passed). My Mother and Sister wanted to be included on the card and purchase. His funeral isn’t until the 28th as his youngest Daughter is out of the country till then. My cousin (his Daughter) lives with my Aunt and helps take care of her. My Cousin is visiting me in June for 10 days. She told me today that her Mom has been just lying in bed since her Husband’s death. I don’t think she will be around long as they spent the last 61 years together. It is sad but they have both lived long lives and how many people can say that they have been married for 61 years?? I haven’t had any gambling thoughts today. Yeah!!! Well, I better go and get some things accomplished around here before I pick my Grandson up from school. Have a awesome, gamble-free day everyone!!!

    • #15631
      lizbeth4
      Συμμετέχων

      Well, my Grandson’s baseball team won last night!! I went to breakfast with a dear friend this morning. She is 80 years old and just the nicest person you would ever want to meet. My Daughter will be back around 730pm tonight. I have some down