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    • #14838
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      I love to gamble.  I love the rush.  I don’t think I gamble to win, I think I gamble for the thrill of the win.  I get so excited on the way to the casino and if I don’t win I am totally pissed off.  It’s like I feel BIG and that I am invincible and that I am going to win.  Even when I win though I almost always spend it back and leave broke or in the hole.  Tonight I was up $900 but left down by $70.  $70 is not a lot of money to me, but regardless that small loss is why I am on here tonight.  I know in my heart that I gamble too much.  I know that I spend more time, money and effort gambling than what is healthy.  I know I have a gambling problem because I can not leave the casino without spending every last dime.  Even if I win a jack pot, I always spend it back, either that night or another night.  I don’t think my gambling is about the money.  I think it is for the high.  I don’t know if I have the courage to stop but I want to.  I am scared of quitting but I don’t know why I’m scared.  Maybe gambling is my way of adding to my lack of self esteem?  Another thing.  As soon as I leave the casino and feeling crappy, the next day I am anticipating when I will go again.  The bad feelings are buried and I’m ready to go.  I tried quitting cold turkey New Years Day and only lasted about eight days.  I had lost about $1500.  I spend a minimum of $300 a week at the slots.  And like I said, even if I get up, I never leave ahead.  I guess that’s the cycle of it all.  I’m tired.  I need to go to bed. Arghhhhhhhhh. Work in progress.

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