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#30790
female g
Participant

so I had another fall and blew it again. I stayed for 12 hours and blew a lot of money again. I texted my hubby that I had gone so that he wouldn’t worry. At least he would know where I was. He had my debit card so he probably wasn’t too concerned I would spend much money. Little did he know I had gotten another debit card and wa able to access alt of extra cash. I had intended to leave the card home on thursday and had forgotten too (really). I finished up early though and the urges fired up and once I had made the decission I was determined and mentally unable to even want to call my hubby for help. So I went and for awhile i was having fun not loosing much at all and even ahead a bit but it wan’t good enough I was determined to win big and the then of course I starting loosing and got into a frenzy. I wad done for and couldn’t stop until the funds ran out. I spent another 3500 and got home as my hubby was returning from work. He was fine about it and never really had much to say to me which at the time made it easier for me. We talked a bit and then I tried to get some sleep without success. I got up and jut sat and started to process what I had done. I knew I would have to tell him the truth because the quilt would be worse for me. After awhile he returned from the store and gently acknowledged my failure to stop going once again. He was kind about it and that led me to telling him that yes I had failed once again and had incurred a big dept again. I was honest about it to a point. I wasn’t able to tell him about the debit card but was able to close up my ability to access cash from my line of credit. Thank God for that. I did say I found a way to get the money but I didn’t want to tell him how I did it. He didn’t pressure me about it. We talked a long time trying to come up with more ways to help me stop. He will even come to my work on thursday nights to keep the demons at bay. I thanked him and he said that he expected me to fail more and that until I get to my doctors appts he would be understanding. I won’t allow any more failures knowing that he is really on board to help me. I have succeeded before for along time and I can do it again. I am back to one day at a time and will try to not go back ever. I have decided to ban myself again too and hubby will go with me. He mentioned there have been law suits against casinos for letting in those who self ban but I feel its my responsibility and not theirs really. I told him that if I wasn’t working I would seek a treatment program as well. I hope this won’t come to that. I looked for some councilling too, but nothing in my area really so I will do further research. I am going to do more hypnosis too on line and pray with Hubby every time we see each other. i feel that if I do that it will keep his head in my recovery. I am sick of failing at this. FG