Am i in or I am out?
I became a member of this website about 2 yrs ago. I had just broken up with my then partner who was the worst CG i had ever known. I was bad, but she was worse. Anyway, since i was the only bread winner (she had never been able to hold a job), i had the credit cards debts, i had the tax evasions, I did the home loan refinancing. Well all the things you do to get more money to gamble. Anyway she left me at a point when i was totally broke and i could barely keep my head out of the water. Basically its amazing how selfish and inhuman gambling makes you. Anyways, i was not a kid. She did not drag me to the casino. I was a CG as well, it's just that there was some lines that I would not cross.
When i joined this site, i had found a little of haven of peace. People shared their stories around here. And i could relate to their stories. I was in a way amongst my own kind. The tips about getting out of gambling, spacing it out, pick yourself up ifever you cave in. tried everything and slowly things started changing. I realise i was running after the big win, but realise if i managed my finances consistently , i would make much more money than i would ever make than by gambling. You know when you gamble, you don't buy anything for yourself. All the money goes into those machines. Once i started having a little bit of money in my pocket, I started buying stuff for myself. I was gratifying. Okie maybe from a brief instant i hopped from CG to compulsive shopper. LOL. but seriously it felt good to be able to reward yourself and buy stuff, because hey you worked for it.
I guess i got the lucky break. After one year of fighting the cravings and everything, i got it under control. I was going less and less to the casino. But if i did go after a few months, i might totally lose control and feel that adrenaline rush and then lose big. I still could not trust myself inside a casino. Outside a casino, i was the strongest person. Inside, I was a weakling. I said i got lucky because i started dating this fantastic person. She is financially quite well off. Intelligent, Funny. I had still big debts to pay. But she never really offered to pay them, or loan me out of money at the end of a dry month. No, when we went for dinner, movies whatever, we went dutch. She paid for herself and i paid for myself. Occasionally i would be gallant and pay or vice versa. She taught me not to give excessive tips, not to shop like a mad person. But most importantly to manage my finances. We've been dating for ten months. Last month I paid off my biggest credit card. This month, i will pay off the smaller ones. Plus i have couple of outstanding debts here and there. but my life is under contro.
However, what i needed to share is that occasionally i still go the casino. The cravings occur at the end of the month, near pay day. I don't need to win money at the casino. I am doing with trying to chase my losses. It will never happen. But i still enjoy so much. There is a certain joy about winning that i do not really find it elsewhere. It's like this adrenaline rush to your brain. And i cope with losing better. I do not get angry. I manage to respect more or less a budget. Say I decide to go to casino with about 5% of what i earn . If i win, i walk out. If i lose, i extend it to 10%. Very rarely i exceed that.
I just want to know if others have gone through this. What are the risks that I am taking? If i control my cravings and smother them for too long, when i go to the casino, i play a lot more. But if go on a monthly basis, i am able to respect my budget. What do you advise?