Betted Way more than I should, Living with regret and sleepless nights
Hi everyone, I am currently a college student at the age of 25 with no job with no debt but school loans. I have been gambling for as long as I could remember, Whenever I gamble I either win about 100-800 or lose about 500-1000 typically. I have lost more than I have won unfortunately and at those times were funded by my scholarship money. I always get upset but can overcome it because it was the risk I was willingly to take. I eventually stopped gambling for about a year until i reentered into sports betting. And the same cycle happened and as time passes by I give it another break due to the stress and pain it caused that was not worth the gamble. Here is where it gets bad. I start sports betting again and bought in 200, and bet it all and won a total of 350 and risked all of that again and won a total amount of 800. I then made 100-200 game bets and won up to 1600. I told myself that I would stop there because thats all I needed and would be happy with it. But guess what? I continue to keep gambling with it and made even more money over the period of a week. I was at 10,000 and told myself I'll stop but somehow I think that I needed more in order to no worry as much (bills & leisure) and be able to provide to my gf and myself. I start betting 1,000 - 1,500 games and each bet were so stressful however I got up 14,000. I wanted to slow down and only betted 500 on one game and I lost so I had to chase it because I realize how much that 500 could've done for me. This continued for about a week with all the stressful chasing but I ended up to 18,000 at the end. This is where I lost control (I even told myself that I would never bet more than what I cant lose and if anything I will make sure that I keep the 10,000) I made a 500 bet on a game and saw that I was losing, so I bet more on the game (live) up to 7,000. I ended up losing that game and I was stress with 9,500 left. I thought to myself that I could win it back so I bet 9,500 on the same game after halftime and lost all of it. This is when I became upset and realize how foolish I was. Now I am living with regret that that money could have done so much for me and my gf. I could've helped her pay off her car or my student loans. I could've taken her to Hawaii and enjoyed a nice break. What I am mainly upset with is that I lost it all on one game. Now its hard for me to sleep or function and do my daily activities knowingly that I let 18k slip by. I then put in another 2k of my own money and was hoping that I would get up to 5k and quit but I ended up losing it all. I can deal with that, but I cannot deal with losing 18k. I am really stressed and it has been so hard for me to find joy in the things I used to do. I don't wake up happy or go out happy anymore, I feel that a part of me is gone and that I can never get over the fact that I lost 18k. I have been feeling depressed and looked online on how people cope with these situations. One of the main one was to forgive myself and cut my losses and to continue on with my daily life without gambling as things will get better. This is easier said than done, I am super stressed and depressed. I can't sleep at all anymore and if I were too, its not a deep sleep; only about 5 hours worth. I need help. I feel like that 18k could've helped me so much because i hate working at retail where they call you in on unscheduled hours and force you to work to make $40 (depending on the hours). I feel like I could've avoided that. I know life is unfair and that is how you work to make a living. But I am hoping to just pull loans and go to school and become a successful engineer. I will then have a career that I enjoy going to work for. Im so stressed and depressed over this high limit bet that I made and let it all go away. I have sleepless nights. I am ok in the day time and enjoy the qualities that I spend with friends and family (since my focus isn't on the games and whats happening) but at night is just when all the stress and pain comes to me. My gf tells me not to worry, its not my money to begin with and that I shouldn't let it consume/control me. Its not meant to be for me. However, I would've love to help my parents out, help my gf pay some bills or take her shopping, and most importantly I wouldn't have to stress over money or live on a budget only if I had that 18k! Someone please help me, I am depressed and more overso my nights are so sleepless. Thanks for your time and for reading. I will check back on this for responses and will hope to keep this thread going.