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Why I continue to tolerate my wife's gambling habit?

Friends and Family

My wife has been gambling on and off for 10 years. There are periods when she was able to be clean for 2 to 3 years. But things like a miscarriage brought her back to gambling. After she was able to conceived through IVF I thought maybe her problem might finally ended. But no, she went on a gambling spree when she was 6 month pregnant and then stopped again. I tried to convince myself that it's the hormonal imbalance that driven her to relapse. Now my daughter is 15 month old she suddenly has signs of gambling again.

I have read enough to know that I am part of the problem. I sometimes helped to pay her debt and sometimes helped her to use her money to pay her debts. But it is really hard to separate her money and mine because when she pays her debts she is not helping with the expenses. She has lost over $200,000. Since we both make good salaries our financial situation is still stable as we are under 40 and have over $550,000 mostly in 401K and home equity but I am really angry on why she is wasting hard earned money like that.

She agreed to let me control her finances. She only has a debit card with $300 max and no credit card, no checkbook.

She told me that my controlling behaviors toward her made her mad and wanting to relapse. I left her to live with my brother 4 years ago for two months. But I relent after she begged and promised change.

Is she really trying? Sometimes I think she did it just to drive me crazy. Today she left work and probably went straight to the casino. No attempt to hide it. She could have taken a day off and gamble and lie to me.

I just threatened divorce. But I knew I made a mistake because it is just empty, for now. It is too hard when I have a 15 month old child. I am so lost. I don't want my child to lose a mom but I also don't want my child to live with a gambling mother.

We are both Engineers and introvert people with few friends. While I am OK with it my wife seems to be bothered by it. I have some closed friends that I golf and fish with but when our families get together my wife seems not able to connect to my friends' wives.

Thanks for reading and please give me some advice,