Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

Firstly, well done on coming on to the forum and welcome. The thing with gambling is that it is a vicious cycle of win lose lose lose win a little and before we know it we are broke and all of our savings and salary are thrown into gambling. The depression aftermath of massive losses lasts far Longer than any win with the depression and tears. Compulsive gambling g is a progressive illness with a very long trap door to a bottomless pit ending up for some in prison, insanity and suicide. We have to stop that cycle and work as hard on our recovery as we did in gambling. With losses, the only way is acceptance, within yourself. The money is gone, you won’t be getting it back and trying to only perpetuates the horrible cycle. Compulsive gamblers never win, we have to accept that we are powerless over gambling.
Have you been to GA? Meetings are not happening during lockdown but they have online groups. Try going to Charles facilitated groups on this site, there are particular ones for new members on a Monday and Thursday evening.
Look, for me, and I am much older than you, it will also take me ten years to climb out of the gambling mess I created. I accept I created a mess and am powerless over gambling. I accept the losses. I am a compulsive gambler which means I can never ever win. But you can start to become gf, try and get some on line counselling during the lockdown, there are always reasons, sometimes many, why we became a compulsive gambler. We also cannot do this on our own, we need support.

Restrict access to gambling, are you able to do that? Since there isn’t any sport happening right now, I imagine it would be fairly easy to do that?
I am now two years eight months gf. It is possible to be happy in recovery and it is possible to not worry too much or have regret about the massive losses and the debts. What matters is what we do today and keep doing one day at a time.

if you seriously feel you “do not want to go on living.” Yes you have lost money, but life is about far more than money and you can enjoy life with very little. I don’t know which country you are in but this link should show you helplines wherever you are: https://www.befrienders.org/

Some people say that the definition of compulsive gambling is that “normal” gamblers do not chase losses. The fact that you have these feelings about wanting to go back to thing that has given you so much pain – shows that you have the problem. And it is a problem – a behavioural problem. It doesn’t mean that you are a bad person, or a loser. It means that there is something in you (and all of us here) which means that we can’t stop – even when we “know” that to continue is causing us harm.

As for what to do – read other posts in the forum that will show you the 4 things you need to take on board. 1) lose access to gambling sites (block or ban yourself) 2) lose access to finance, get someone else to handle you money if you can. 3) find other (non-gambling) ways to use your time and 4) get good support for yourself (Gamblers’ Anonymous as Monica has suggested or some other self-help group; maybe counselling if you can access this where you are.)

I have been gambling free (gf) for many years now – but in the early days I relapsed so many times due to 2 main reasons. 1) chasing losses and 2) wanting to be a “normal” gambler. Both of these things are not realistic for me and I have accepted them now. I know it won’t be easy for you to accept these things either – but believe me life goes on without gambling and it is better than the alternative. I wish you well.

Really sad to hear about your story. Your behaviour sounds quite similar to mine when it comes to gambling…

1. You could get an extra job and earn it back within some years?

2. Try counselling or group therapy?

3. Time heals all wounds…Can’t really see any other solution than feel the pain and wait. It will go away, it always does. Someday you hardly remember you ever did this.
Just remember NOT to do it again. If you had all these money in some kind of account…nothing is really changed at this moment…of course your future looks different but not necessarily worse.

As Steev said “you can enjoy life with very little”. The best things in life are free. I know it won’t help much to think about it when you feel as you do now but it’s true.

Try to relax and be kind to yourself right now and try to do some of the things you like.

Wish you the best