Day 1... The 'kicking gambling' Journey!

Hello...


I'd like to start by introducing myself here! My name is Braydon, and I am 20 years old. I've been gambling since about 14... Well today is my final day! For about the 300th time... But this time will be different as instead of going at it alone, I am going to be joining the rest of you on this journey. I started out my gambling with CSGO skin betting...


When I look back at this, I can pin most of my gambling back on that first time I decided to do some match betting with skins. It was so appealing... to my 14 year old self, it seemed like easy and free skins for CSGO without actually risking anything really. To me, there was no way to lose! Just bet a small amount that losing a game here and there to the under dog wasn't going to make me go broke and I would be fine! I'd have endless skins and be able to trade for a Dragonlore or a super nice knife skin in no time! And whikle I did do very well in the match betting, it eventually (not long after) turned into playing on the jackpot sites which I inevitably lost about $500 in a matter of seconds. From there, I started playing crash (which is where I've probably lost 95% of my money that has been spent gambling with CSGO skins) and proceeded to lose much more money.


When I turned about 16, I created some poker accounts and just faked my birthday. Some sites I wasn't allowed to deposit without verifying my ID so I stayed off those sites. But others, such as Pokerstars and PartyPoker would let you deposit, but not withdraw. Which was fine with me! In my mind, I was just going to deposit some, get the balance crazy high and when I turned 18 I'd transfer the money from that account to my new account which I could then verify my ID and withdraw. Well that didn't quite go the way I thought. I lost and lost and lost. Eventually my accounts were banned and I convinced my cousin who was about 20 at the time to create an account with his information and verify his ID. That way, when I won I could withdraw it and he'd just e-transfer me the money. Turns out I wasn't that good at poker, but thought I was. Just kept losing it all!


I finally turned 18. I could play poker with my own name! With my own account! Surely I can't lose now since I am 18 and smart enough to withdraw right away and not lose it all. By this time, I had a part time job where I was making about $1500-2000 a month. All of it was going towards my gambling. I realized at this time I had a problem. I self excluded myself from all the sites I could. I then quit gambling for about 6 months until I turned 19. 19, in Canada, is the age you are allowed to go to the casino. Well my stepdad wanted to take me to the casino as a way to celebrate turning 19. I went with him and played poker... I came out with about $450 more than I went in with. Unfortunately that led to a relapse and I deposited that $450 plus the original $400 I went in with onto a poker site and lost it all. I then started gambling a ton again. I stopped online poker about 6 months ago now, however got back into CSGO skin gambling not long after quitting poker... This has racked me up some debt and some uncomfortable conversations with my girlfriend of almost 5 years. Up until today I have been gambling with 1-5 day breaks when I completely run out of money. But I am now done and am starting to take some serious steps to stopping...


Today is the first time I have reached out to a gambling helpline. And I am glad I did. The fantastic Rep sent me this forum to express my journey on, as well as suggested joining the support groups! I've done both and I am very glad I did. I can already tell that this time is going to be different than the other times. I will be keeping this forum thread up to date with my journey. I will not be posting daily (which I am sure nobody wants to see anyway!) but I am going to be trying to post about my journey at least once a week as I think this is going to be an important step in my recovery from gambling, as well as staying away from it!


If you read this far, props. And thank you!


Braydon aka eLbee


Well done Braydon on seeking help .

This addiction sneaks up on us and it becomes so difficult to stop.

There are groups on tonight - I think you would find them very helpful - check out the schedule.


Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums


Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!


Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.


As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)


And on that note....


I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you :-)


Take care


The Gambling Therapy Team



PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!


Well... It is now day 2. 1 more day than yesterday! Today the whole Coronavirus issue has really blown up in Canada after being categorized a pandemic. So that was a big portion of my day and thoughts. I work for an IT company, so most of the day people were calling in asking about how they can work from home just in case they end up needing to. They suspended the NBA, NHL and MLB seasons... which put a damper on my mood since I enjoy watching the Leafs and Jays and for the next possibly months I will be unable to get my Leafs game fix! That aside though, the day wasn't bad for wanting to gamble. My mind was kept on other things all day which is normally how it is as when I am at work, I am distracted.


I got home and shortly after my girlfriend got home also. The dishes were piling up so I did some of them and when my girlfriend got home I chatted with her for a bit. I then went on my computer to play some Counter Strike. Started a competitive game and shortly after she asked me to do the dishes. I let her know I was in a comp match and would do them when I was done since it's unable to be paused and I would get a ban for going AFK.


Well she got upset about that, and proceeded to do them herself. 30 minutes later I went to do the dishes and she was done them. Then the fight started. I do not do well at doing house chores. She gets the burden of them. This is something I am going to be working on along side my road of kicking gambling. When we fight though, I usually end up getting upset and it leans towards me gambling some more to distract myself. Instead of gambling, I decided to make this post instead. So this is just sort of a rant about me not doing chores good enough and a way to distract me from gambling!


Thanks for reading me ramble on ;)


Good stuff man awesome!

Haha no one likes chores and I’m sure the percentage of us males actually lifting our own weight at home in that regard is probably as thin as the successful gamblers!

Nice to see you got a journal going to look back on and keep tabs on your progress.

No doubt I’ll catch you again in the chat room soon...

Keep it up!


Thanks Stevie! 



Due to the times of when the groups are on, I may miss out on quite a few. They usually start right when I get home from work so they are a tad difficult to make. However, I'll still be very active on here as this doesn't go anywhere even I don't get to post until late! 



I will probably be doing daily posts for the next few weeks, and then from there they will be more spaced out as I begin to recover. 


Day 3 has now come and passed with no gambling. Today was a very easy day as far as urges to gamble. I didn't have any this evening which is unusual for a Friday night.


That being said. The last 3 days (the day I decided I was done for good, I put my bank account $500 into overdraft, with no overdraft protection...) I've been really stressing about how I am going to pay my bills this next month coming up. I don't get paid very much... Bout $1900 at the end of the month and another compensation check in the middle usually around $650. All my bills aside from rent come out at the beginning of the month... With my overdraft of $500 and trying to pay off my payday loans, it leaves me short on my monthly bills!


I am thinking about contacting the Payday loan company and see if instead of taking the amount we agreed on this month, taking half instead. And then add that onto next months payment instead.


I've got 2 small payday loans which I am working on paying off, and I owe my grandmother some money. I am trying to pay her back as quick as possible also, but this is leaving me with little to no money for any emergencies that come up through the month. I got myself into this mess though, and will be getting myself out in the next couple months! Unfortunately this Coronavirus growing concern has put a damper on my plans to get a second job to pay the debt off quicker as my province is pretty close to lock down I suspect. But, after writing this post I am going to be finishing up my resume to hand out anyway. Even if it's just a couple weeks of working before having to stop, It's still an extra thousand dollars or so that can pay a good chunk of my debt. Or at the very least... Leave me some money behind after paying what I need to pay.


Once all my debt is paid, I'll be able to save lots of money. I am going to continue to work a second job at that point, as due to Coronavirus the mortgage rates have dropped by crazy amounts. This means that if I can save a bunch of money in the next 6 months hopefully we can purchase a home!


Anyways... That is sort of about my life after gambling! I am looking forward to continuing to share this journey with you all! Hopefully in 6-12 months time I will be sharing with you all, the news of purchasing my first house!


Thanks for reading!


Cheers,

Braydon


It has now been 6 days! Tomorrow will be a week! It has been a hectic last few days. Haven't had too many urges to gamble though. Work has been crazy, as I work in IT and everyone is wanting to be setup to work from home. So that has been keeping me very busy!


I also have no money, so that probably helps with the no gambling thing. The real challenge will be at the end of the month when I have money available. But at that point I will be in the stretch to a full month and won't want to let you all down!


I hope all of you stay happy and healthy in these chaotic times!


Regards,

Braydon


good to see you are staying the course man keep on pushing forward to that gamble free goal 


Hope you are going strong with your mission and staying safe out there man keep up the good work!


It has now almost been 3 weeks. It is payday today, so this is when it is going to become difficult! However, I am almost at 3 weeks so I am now going to have that 1 month, 2 month, 3 month goal to go for!


I haven't posted in a while just due to being really busy with all the COVID-19 business going on. I have also been distracting myself by playing Call of Duty Warzone for hours on end...


I am starting to get the urge to gamble more the last week or so... Specifically poker. I think this is due to being in the house almost 24 hours a day now... I am still working, but having to work from home for the next while.


However, once I get paid, I am going to be working even harder to continue to distract myself, and go do other things when I get the urge to gamble. Even if that means going for a drive at 2am...


Heres to staying safe, healthy and gambling free!


Cheers!

Braydon


Great to hear you hit that milestone and are doing well staying safe etc! Stay focused haha play call of duty and march on into that 3 month mark you have set! Good stuff man we are on a similar timeline can’t wait to celebrate more of your milestone your successes as well as mine


It has now been 6 weeks since I last gambled. I was able to pay off a good chunk of my credit card this month which was really nice. I still don't have a very large available balance due to how much above my limit I was (I've got like $10 available or something on it) but it is progress, and in the next few months I should be able to pay it off!


This feels like the first real step in the right direction. I am very proud of it. Another week until I get paid again, but this month the majority of my left over income is going to be going towards my payday loans instead of my credit card. That way I can start to have that weight off my chest...


Since my last post, I let my girlfriend know the last time I gambled. She was disappointed I had been lying to her about it, but it was very comforting seeing that she is now going to help me through the journey. I haven't told her about the payday loans yet as I am still ashamed I let it get that far. Once I have them paid off, I think I will come up with the courage to tell her the full truth.


On a sorta unrelated note to gambling, Valorant private beta came out. I was big into CSGO so this was a very exciting time for me. I got a couple accounts for the beta so I have been playing that a ton, keeping me distracted in this time that we can't really go do other things to stay distracted... One thing I really love about Valorant, related to my gambling issue, is that the skins you purchase for your guns cannot be traded (or gambled) which was a big part of the reason I started, and continued to gamble. They are also not doing loot crates which is also amazing as it seems that no matter how hard I tried, whenever I would play CS I'd end up spending money on cases and skins.


I've bought some skins for Valorant already, but only for the above reasons mentioned that they cannot be traded so I Won't be able to gamble them. They are also going to be refunding the skins bought as "coins" in game to buy skins once the full game comes out. And giving 20% more coins as a thanks for supporting the game in private beta. So really, it pays to buy them! haha


Anyways. Yeah. 6 weeks! About 2 more weeks until I've hit 2 months!


Stay safe everyone!