Day 2

So it’s day 2 since I’ve gambled. After losing 9k from my savings, and leaving myself with 2,500. Just need to keep reminding it was money I made from gambling anyway. Haven’t eaten since it happened and barely slept but I don’t feel tired. The sinking feeling in my stomach wasn’t as bad today. Got the weekend off but I’m not worried I’m going to gamble. Have gamban on my phone which is the only place I gamble just In case. At this point I think I feel sad just because I think I should be sad. If I’m good with my money I’ll have the money back in 2 years and now and it should be easier now that I’m not spending so much on gambling. Don’t think I realised how much I was spending every month. Trying to stay positive and feeling hopeful.


Well done Aimz on addressing this issue so quickly - Gamban is the best investment I ever made.

When urges to gamble come just stay focused and they will pass .

This is a great start and you will be able to enjoy money you earn- somehow gambling wins just become gambling money .

Keep strong


I felt the same sick and couldn't sleep for a while. It gets easier as time passes I lost a similar amount try not to be too harsh on yourself it is an illness we are fighting one day at a time. You can't do this good luck


Thank you for the comments, it’s feels good knowing I’m not alone. It’s Saturday and I have the weekend off! The first 2 days off In a row I’ve had in about six weeks. Woke up feeling pretty bad today but it didn’t last long. I spent a few hours last night reading a thread by Adam from start to finish. It really helped keep me sane. Realised my problem is that I’m to impatient. I know in a couple years I could make back the money I lost but I want instant results. Maybe I could spend a year working extra hours at work but that’s easier said than done. I think I’m going to clean my room today, then relax later with a pizza and couple beers. The thought of gambling still makes me feel sick, but I know when the pain of losing starts to fade away, the urges will come back. I’m most worried about what my family would say if they found out, but they didn’t know I had the money in the first place so it should be ok. I know people say it’s best to tell family but I don’t want to put that stress on my mum. I haven’t been gambling as long as most people on here.Only 3 years, its only got bad in the past 6 months maybe so addiction hasn’t gripped me too hard. Things are going to get better, just need to give it time.


It’s Sunday! Glad I’m off work today Sunday’s are always so busy. I woke up and was instantly hit with the sense of dread when I remembered what I’ve done. But hey, I guess it’s better than waking up and thinking about trying to win my money back.


I’ve been thinking about my future a lot, something I don’t usually like doing, but I’ve been feeling positive about which is weird. I want to start getting more serious about work and climbing my way up the ladder. Maybe losing this money was a good thing, finally gave me the push I needed to change every aspect of my life. Change things I’ve been trying to change before I even started gambling. I’ve always had little to no confidence, and been insecure about my weight which makes it hard to talk to people. I’ve never been in a serious relationship because I push everyone away that tries to get close to me. So the plan is to start eating healthier, work out, cut down the drinking, stop smoking and yes to more things. I’m not going to overwhelm myself and try to do everything at once.


If anyone’s reading this I hope you are having a good day. Stay positive.


Mum mentioned about me buying a rug for my room, put me down for a second. First bit of temptation, had an email saying I have £50.90p on my gala account. Thought about doing 5 £10 spins but nope, I’m going to withdraw it. And the 90p. Once this this free trial of gamban runs out, then I’m gonna buy the full version.


Today has been tough, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. Right now I can’t stop thinking about all the things I could of done with that money. Just need to stop thinking.


You haven't lost your money! You lost your winnings according to yourself. If you gamble it goes up and down (mostly down) so you should be very happy if you are up...and you should not try to win anything back.


Anyway, the emotions are pretty much the same...A loss feels really bad but you should read more stories and realize that you could and probably will lose your own money if you had continued.


You are doing the right thing. Your actions are really awesome and you can be proud of yourself. Remind yourself how strong you are and you show us all how it should be done!


thanks for commenting! I had about 3,000 saved when I won 10,000 over a couple days. But I'm still defenitly down a few thousand over my three years of gambling. I have been reading storys non stop on here over the last few days they've been keeping me busy.


 I appreciate you taking the time to comment, really me made me feel less alone. I hope you are doing well, best wishes.


Hi Aimz - you know that saying “the bookie always wins in the end “. Once gambling becomes addictive we will never win long term- people try to convince themselves that they will but that is just the addiction tempting them back to spend more .


You are doing really well and you are definitely not alone .

X


yes I just have to keep reminding myself that, if I stop now they can't take anymore. Thank you for your kind messages xx wish all the best for you x


I couldn't stop thinking about what I could if bought aswell it gets easier you have to just treat it as an expensive lesson learnt or a debt that needed paying off. We can all move forward together and start to spend our money on the things that matter in life. Have a good day.


Thank you for commenting Ryan, I'm definitely trying to view it as an expensive life lesson. Each day is getting easier. Hope you are doing well, have a good one x


It’s Monday morning and back to work today after a rare weekend off. Working full time hours the next couple weeks so that should keep me busy. Decided last night I’m going to quit tobacco. I don’t think I can give up my beloved Mary Jane just yet though so I’ve brought a pipe. I should definitely be on track to saving money rather than taking it out. I normally smoke about 10-15 a day, I’m going to aim for 5 today. I have a week off at the end or March so I can use that week to focus on getting to zero. Day 5 and feeling gooood!


So it’s been 6 days, not too bad. Just woke after a 10 hour sleep, didn’t realise I had it in me haha. Feel pretty good today, I finally accepted the loss. Time to start focusing on what I do have rather than what I don’t have.

My head is the most clear it’s been in years. Less anxiety, less depression, not been drinking much. I was definitely on the path to becoming an alcoholic. Brought a vape yesterday, my pipe comes today. Hopefully I’ll be tobacco free soon.


Not much too say, sitting in here drinking my coffee about to jump in the shower then off to work. Another day over. Pay day on Thursday.


Hope everyone has a good day x


my anxiety has come back quite strong tonight, not gambling related but it is one of my triggers. Sometimes I feel like I’ve done something wrong and everyone hates me. I’ll just have to find a different way to deal with it.


Stay strong tomorrow is day 7! One week man good stuff! My friend takes some kind of cbd product to help with anxiety and seems to find it great maybe worth looking into? Anyway congrats on making it through 6 days! 


Just had to point out that im actually woman lol! Someone at work has actually suggested something similair maybe I'll have to give it a try. Thanks stevie!


So sorry! That’s what I get for being an assuming idiot! Well Miss so inspired by your courage and making it to and through day 6! Roll on to day 7 with your head held high :)


just re read your message and no don’t give up your beloved mary Jane! Well not unless you want to... May be causing some anxiet... I’m a bit of an well let’s say overly avid fan myself and recently did 21 days without for the first time in probably 16 years or so... actually felt good and probably helped my will power to begin this journey. I did decide to go back for almost a month now and am considering another break. I didnt feel as great as I thought I would initially but after the first 10 days or so I started feeling better more energy and motivation etc... 


haha don't worry it's fine! But i don't know sometimes I feel like it's the cause of my problems and other times it solves my problems. 16 years is long time without a break.I would like to try just to see if I feel any better but don't think I could do it. You must have a good amount of willpower. Just read your post as well. congrats on another gf day. Keep it up x



What a sheltered life I have led Aimz.

I had to google “Mary Jane”. Lol.


Does cannabis cause anxiety and that kind of paranoia that everyone hates you or have I watched too many rubbish tv shows?


Stevie recommends cbd- can I recommend CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy. I did a free online course in CBT some years ago and it completely changed my thinking - it was called moodgym but is no longer free . There is a free app I use called Moodfit and I find it helpful for a daily boost. It has a section on CBT.


A supplement which is really helpful when I’m really anxious or nervous is L- theanine . It had very few side effects reported and if you put caffeine with it it really improves your focus.


You are doing incredibly well - a full week - yahoo!!

You are on your way - your sleep is improving and every part of your life will improve as you continue on your journey - massive congratulations. X


Haha im surprised you hadn’t heard of Mary Jane certainly made me laugh... it’s pretty old school! Not sure what era it was first heavily used but if I were to guess id say 70’s or 80’s... Heavily used in quite a few songs Tom Pettys last dance with Mary Jane would probably be the first to come to mind. Never heard of CBT but ill definitely have to look into it anything useful for the mind body & soul is a beautiful thing.


Im a bit bummed I hadnt found this app/site sooner it’s been a real god send so far, truly amazing how many people suffer from this addiction in many forms from all differnt walks of life,  Men & Women, all parts of the world. Reading through the threads of people’s successes, failures, fears and different approaches to slaying this beast has been truly amazing.


Well ladies goodnight! keep up the good work stay strong and stay proud we are going to keep on going and succeed! 


Thank you idi! dont think I Could've done it without the support from this site:). It can cause anxiety but it's defentily exaggarated on tv shows. But I've had anxiety since I was a kid, I remember my first panic attack when I was about 6 or 7. I had to wear a dress for a school play and I really didn't want to, Sent me into a full meltdown Haha. But its got better over the years, it passed quite quickly last night and I feel fine this morning. Normally I would gamble to stop the thoughts but I dont need to anymore! anyways, thanks again for taking the time to comment I really appreciate it:)


So it’s been a week! Woo hoo! Oh how much has changed since day 1, thinking I would never be able to forgive myself for what I’ve done. Don’t get me wrong it’s been an emotional rollercoaster but it’s finally not dominating my every thought. It’s pay day tomorrow, and I have a day off! what a treat! Normally I would just gamble all day. But no! Need to go out and buy some work trousers, maybe treat myself to a nice meal and a couple beers, might even go and get my haircut I can’t remember the last time I had it cut.


Nothing more to say, drinking my coffee, shower, work. It’s my colleagues last shift today before he moves back to his home country. Gonna miss him, but it’s what’s best for him.


Best wishes everyone and here’s to another gamble free day!


March on into week 2 with your head held high :)



Haven’t posted in a while but I’m still gamble free! Woooo!


Work has been busy the past week with people panic buying, things are starting to quiet down now. The shelves are getting emptier and emptier. It’s crazy. Just 3 more shifts until my week off, so at least I don’t have to leave the house. It’s going to be boring but one thing is for certain. No gambling! It’s going to be hard if our store closes but I don’t think it will. Knowing I could’ve had the money to live comfortably without going to work. Oh well, I probably would of got bored and gambled it all away anyway.


Take care of yourselves everyone. Here’s to another gamble free day!


last day of work then a week off...maybe. I picked a really convenient to book time off :)


16 days gamble free! I’ve already seen changes:

The days don’t seem to blur into one anymore

Down to 3 cigs a day.

Managed to watch an entire tv series without getting bored for the first time in a year.


stay safe everyone x


good to see you are still doing well on your journey Aimz keep up the good work! 


really didn’t think this would happen but here I am. another big loss. But it’s okay, time to learn from my mistakes and move forward, even more determined than before. I’m not going to let gambling take over my life. No excuses this time, banning myself on every casino and Going to make sure I come on this site everyday even if I don’t have anything to say. I feel kinda selfish writing this with everything that’s going on in the world right now, oh poor me I lost some money, but its the only thing that’s going to make me feel better. This is the last day 0! Onwards and upwards!


Hey Aimz,


Im sorry to hear you relapsed. Everyone here knows how it feels, the disappointment, the anger. However, it's part of the journey, we have to accept it and, as you said, learn from it.


Quarentene might be a hard period for us addicts. We are either alone at home, or seeing always the same people. It's easy to be bored, stressed and gamble online. In my country, there are online casino ads everywhere, tv, instagram influencers, radio. Eventhough the casinos are closed, I'm guessing this period will be good for the gambling industry overall because of the online business. Most important thing is to put the barriers you've mentioned in place.


I wish you the best and I'm sure you will win this terrible fight.


Regards,


Kolberg


It was nice to meet you in chat last night, and well done on the cigs. I am doing same and it is a tough one. I started self isolating 19 days ago and in the early days of anxiety with all of this went up from 20 to 30 a day and yesterday it was 3. It is a tough nut to crack.

What are the things you have always wanted to do if you had the time? I have a few things and we now have the time. What are those things that are sitting in the background, if I wasn’t working so much, I would do .. and do them. Make a list. What are your interests?

As kolberg says, there will be a new world of new addicts at the end of all this, gambling, alcohol etc. Let us not be in that group.

Relapses happen,they have all happened to each one of us, multiple times until one day we stop, the pain of it all becomes too much, and stay stopped one day at a time. Gambling is an ugly industry.

You can do this. Keep posting and coming to chat.


hey Monica, it was a pleasure to meet you as well. well done on trying to give up cigs, it really is tough! I'm doing pretty good I'm pretty much tobacco free now. I just want change my life for the better, I'm hoping if one good thing can come out of gambling it's that it's gives me the motiavtion to really sort my life out. life is tough right but we can get through this. 


here we go again, the morning after day before. Woke up feeling quite angry, ashamed and guilty. Pretty much starting from 0 now. Going to have to start doing a lot hours at work once all this is over. I forgot how much I hate this feeling, it feels like it will never go away but it will eventually. remember that.


Yes, it will go away, it will pass, but is is helpful to remember how that feels and whether you want that in your life. Whether you want the self induced bipolar that gambling brings. The beating up of oneself, the emotional extremes of highs and lows. I know the answer to that and it is a big NO.

And when it starts to calm we are left with the issues that drove us to gambling, they start to pop up. Dealing with them through counselling, going on to chat etc is very liberating, painful at times but liberating when we come through the other end a wiser and better person. We can become the best versions of who we really are.


I feel like this is my last opportunity to make things right. I need to stop gambling, stop drinking, carry on with the no smoking, eat healthy. Hopefully then I’ll start to feel good and this is the only way I’ll be able to build my savings up again. If it doesn’t happen now, I’m going to full back into old habits. Don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I gambled away the last bit of money I had. I’m tired of making these promises and not keeping them. So this is it, now or never.


I know when I was first trying to stop - I focused on the "not doing." Not gambling, not going to the pub, not worrying, not thinking about my losses.


It was hard for me - because life seemed so empty when I wasn't doing these things. I started to journal and it was from then that I realised that I needed to fill my time and my thoughts with other more positive things. So I tried various things out that I thought I might be interested in. Some didn't work (chess, drawing classes) some worked better than I thought (jive dancing and my great love - simply walking in nature.)


I think not knowing what you want from life is a great opportunity to try things out. At the moment when we can't go anywhere - we can try things on-line to see if they might be something to do when the world starts working again.


Keeping a journal where you make a note of things that interest you could be a starting point - as could counselling (online for now) and joining other support groups.


Congrats on your positivity and I hope things go well for you.


today I wrote everything down, made a plan, set goals for the year, planned my finances and just figured everything out. Going to start a journal as suggested, and try and find a hobby I enjoy doing. I’m feeling the most determined to change yet, but I keep thinking too much. Why should I be happy? I’ve made the dumbest decision of my life. Just need to stop these thoughts and keep thinking positive.


Thanks for the comments and support Steev, Monica and Kolberg. I have no one else to talk to and get advice from so it’s much appreciated. Hope everyone’s doing well and stay safe out there x


Aimz

A written plan is always a great motivator.

Why should you not be happy ?

Why do you deserve happiness less than anyone else ?


The minute u get a bit of extra cash treat yourself to something frivolous - just get used to treating yourself well and you might find your brain starts to realise that you do deserve it xz


I will treat myself, I always feel so guilty spending money but it's time to start living life for me! Hope youre doing good xx


Just got done doing a little home workout, realising how unfit I am. Back to work today after a week off, don’t know what to expect. Mood is okay, once I get in the flow of things it will start to get better. I’ve hit rock bottom now the only way is up, only I can do it, going to make the right choices everyday. No excuses!


wow I knew work would be quiet but not this quiet. My positive attitude hasn’t been so great today. My problem is that I’m worrying about things I don’t need to worry about. I create scenarios in my head and believe that’s the only thing that’s going to happen. Right now I’m worried about my hours at work, I’m on a 12 hour contract so it could go down to that at any point, even though I KNOW it won’t happen as I’m one of the most experienced staff. I’m worried about money, even though I’m not in debt and still have a small amount of savings. I’m worried about my family finding out and the shame I would feel. Worried that I’m not going to be save money every month. Always worrying about things that haven’t even happened, and probably won’t happen. How do I make it stop?


I didn't find it easy and still don't sometimes, but as I get older I notice that the things I worry about rarely happen and the things that get me I never even thought of.

This virus is a case in point. Never even crossed my mind that it would be a problem at Christmas / New Year and now look at us!

Mindfulness might help - try reading books by Eckhart Tolle or looking at youtube vids. The technique of noticing that you are worrying and then switching to something else has been helpful to me. Worth a try.


Aimz - there are lots of apps which are free for now - I will see if I can get a list of some - they might help you train your brain to switch off .


https://covid19.shanehastings.eu/giveback/?fbclid=IwAR2aXv6PMsc_NVIBONZz...


Copy and paste the above link and see it it works for you.


Xx


missed a couple of days but I’m still going strong. I’ve been feeling quite content lately which is good, but it also means I’m not as motivated. Said I was going to eat healthy and not drink, that hasn’t gone to well, going to have to focus on one thing at a time. Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since my last cigarette and I've not had any urges to gamble so that’s good next I’m going on to really focus on eating healthy. With everything going on in the world I think we all deserve a drink, so that can wait for now.


Thanks for your suggestions, will be checking them out later. Hope everyone is doing good during these tough times, stay strong x


I know when I was gambling, I had plans to do all sorts of things including giving up drinking and going on a diet. I found that I had to concentrate on one or at the most two things at the same time - depriving myself of too much just sent me into cravings - mainly of the gambling variety.


Drinking in moderation is fine - and if you feel it is getting out of hand in the future - then the tools you have used to stop smoking and gambling can be put to use again. Eat as well as you can, but don't deprive yourself. If you need to go on a serious diet - wait (if you can) until your recovery is stronger and we are in happier times! Take good care of yourself.


Hi Aimz,

Hope everything is going well and you are feeling strong and motivated.x


I’ve been lacking motivation these last few days but im still gamble free and to be honest I don’t see myself gambling any time soon, I’ve fallen out of love with it. I’ve come to realise that gambling is just the tip of the iceberg and I’ve just been using it as a way to forget about all my other problems. In a way losing is what I enjoyed because it hurt me so bad that’s all I could focus on, and losing was the only thing that made me feel anything. Even after a big win I wouldn’t feel much, i didn’t even care about the money and I still don’t, I could be a millionaire and I would still be unhappy. There is so much about my life I want to change, right now I’m just existing rather than living. The only time I have motivation to change is after a big loss, but it always seems to go away after a few days. Today my motivation has spiked again, and I didn’t even have to throw away all my money to make it happen so that’s defiantly a a positive. I’ve been making better choices everyday, sometimes it’s only a small thing but it’s still something. Just need to remember it’s a marathon not a sprint and you can’t just expect your life to turn around in one week. All I want out of life is to be happy, and that’s never going to happen if I just continue the way I was so I’m going to do it!


hope everyone’s doing good and staying safe x


Totally resonate with the gambling/losing as essentially a subconscious form of self destructive behavior to cover other unhappiness in your life. Glad you are back on track and not beating yourself up it’s all part of your journey!

I’ve made the four week mark and can’t wait to join you there young lady! Good stuff :)


Thank you Stevie! Really good to hear your on 4 weeks! keep it up:)


Pay day tomorrow, a painful reminder I could have been one month gamble free but oh well. Things are going okay, and I’m in a okay mood, everything is just ok. I’ve been eating healthier and have a lot more energy, but still can’t help raiding the cupboards during the evening. I blame it on the munchies, I’m really gonna have to stop smoking the green stuff. It will save me a lot of money, but it’s mainly for my mental health. The no drinking is not going to great, I have a beer or 2 after work so nothing extreme, but if I wasn’t such a lightweight I’m sure I’d be going through a bottle of wine every night. Gambling hasn’t even really crossed my mind, don’t miss it for a second. It feels different than last time, when I got up to day 22 I was still thinking about it all the time. Really think I’m going to be able to stay away this time, I banned myself from most online casinos but ive signed up to so many I forget. Goodbye gambling, I will not miss you.


Can’t believe it’s been 4 weeks already! Things have improved quite a lot these past weeks. My head is clear, I’m making better choices, have more willpower and my mood has been good. I have not thought about gambling at all really, and my first thought when I wake up is no longer the money I’ve lost. I know I’m not completely out of the woods yet but I’m feeling good about it this time. Gonna catch up on my everyone’s journals to see how their doing. Day 28 and feeling great!


Great work! You can be proud of yourself!


I got urges today after 7 weeks. Only lasted like 5 minutes and I can't Gamble (self excluded). First strong urges I have got actually. I think it will take months, possible years to get completely out of this addiction.


Hi Aimz,

Hope all is going well in your recovery and m

you are feeling great about your progress.

X


Things are going pretty good!