Hello Daniel and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

Hi Daniel

Well done writing your first post which is an excellent reference for you to turn to in the future. I hope when you read it again that it will help you to understand that the nature of your compulsion means that ultimately you cannot and will not win.

This site would not be here Daniel, if compulsive gamblers could win and walk away and I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know that you can control your addiction and be the man you want to be, the one your mother and father would want you to be.

Now that you have reached out, I hope you will continue to do so. You are young enough to have a whole world of happiness and success ahead of you if you accept your addiction and take responsibility for your behaviour. I am lucky enough to know many who have succeeded and who are living very special lives, often better in my opinion, for having had the strength, courage and determination to fight the addiction that has sadly found you. The flip side is that you are also young enough to sink even further into an abyss of debt and despondency.

There is nothing to be ashamed of in owning the addiction to gamble, you didn’t ask for it or want it but it is important that you accept that this is the way it is for you.

Charles facilitates our gambler groups on Mondays and Thursdays and he understands your addiction.. Please join him, you will be welcomed, understood, inspired and supported.

There is a lot of support for gamblers nowadays, maybe you could find GA (gamblers anonymous) groups in your area. Grab all the support you can find.

Whatever you decide Daniel make this step into recovery, the first of many. Healing takes time, it is gradual and exhausting but ultimately it is a walk back to the life you deserve.

I wish you well

Velvet

Or perhaps I should say, “sorry to see you here” as your story is so similar to those of people with a gambling problem everywhere.
The line that stood out for me was, “I lost the value of money and motivation to move on.”

I felt exactly that when I was in action. Money no longer had any value other than as tokens which I could use to place my next bet. The fact that I could no longer afford decent food, go out to nice places, travel etc didn’t seem linked to my gambling – in my scrambled brain.

You also posted about your Uncle and what happened to him through gambling. He died of a heart attack. Brought about by stress? Gambling does not only affect you mentally, it has physical consequences too as many on these boards will tell. Perhaps his legacy was as a guide to you as to what might happen if you continue this behaviour. You need to stop.

Stopping gambling is not easy – and staying stopped is even more difficult – but it can be done. I am several years gamble free and I am not alone in that. If you read through the posts on the boards you will see there is a common theme for stopping gambling. To sum these things up – there are 4 things you can do.
1) Lose access to gambling. Ban or bar yourself from places where you could go to gamble – both online and off.
2) Lose access to money to gamble. If you can, get someone close to you to handle your finances until you feel stronger – a family member or trusted friend.
3) Find good support for yourself. Come to the support groups here and on other gambling support sites. When things allow, go to support groups like Gamblers’ Anonymous, seek out counselling to identify what is triggering this behaviour in you.
4) Find other (non competitive) ways of using your time. If you can avoid games which may lead to a gambling element – if you need to pit yourself against something – try and better yourself, through non competitive sport (cycling, climbing etc) or revisit a hobby you may have given up for gambling. If you need to binge watch netflix – then do it – don’t feel guilty in the short term – you can always pull out later when the strongest urges pass. And they will pass – the longer you are gambling free the easier it will become – but you will still need support etc for several months or years to come.

I hope you can follow this advice and take steps towards a new (gamble free) life. I wish you well.

I can relate a lot with how you feel. In November I had a win of 9k which was massive amount for me because I have a disability so hardly get any money. I was so happy told all my family and wanted to treat my mum to a holiday. Then within a week I lost it all and more felt dreadful was just thinking about it every second I was awake . A few days later I admitted to my mum what I had done and she was very disappointed but supportive. I’m still gamble free since then and it has got a lot easier only the occasional thought if the loss pops in my head. There is always support on this site. Stay strong you can overcome this.

Hi Daniel,

I can relate to your story and can imagine the thoughts running through your mind right now. I too have recently been trying to recover from a similar situation. I went on a huge gambling binge for 3-4 months but surprisingly kept winning. And the bets just got bigger on roulette, I nearly lost it all but won it back and eventually after winning night after night had bagged £53,000. That is a huge amount of money.
Now my CG mind thought that I could bank that and stay away from gambling, now it had essentially paid me back for all the losses I had accrued over the last 20 years.
I felt great, I had got the money to pay off all debts and still have 20 grand in the bank. I started to buy things and feel good, not worrying about the daily cost as it didn’t matter.
This was all in secret to my wife and family, they had no idea so i couldn’t really splash out as it would be suspicious.
I paid off my debt luckily with this money and thought I was on an even keel, not wanting to gamble again.
But then when the funds started to get lower, my brain decided to think i needed to top it up again and because I hadn’t lost, I thought i was invincible.
Why can’t we just be happy for a bit? Having this money is what we wanted but I guess what I have learnt is that a CG can never save, you will always be drawn back in. You have to lose to wake yourself up and stop. You need this loss in a sense. Even if someone told me i would lose it all I wouldn’t believe them, I had to try it for myself, then you start to chase the losses.
So if you get a win, spend it as fast as you can. That is the only way you will benefit from it in my mind, as you will always go back and probably lose it all at some point.
I managed to spend some but ultimately lost the rest. This happened a month ago and I am still finding it hard to cope with it and process it rationally. All the ‘what I could have done with it’ and ‘how stupid’ comes to mind.
The thing is, I didn’t lose my own money, it was winnings. And as a CG, was it actually ever mine? That’s why i say spend as quick as you can to avoid the inevitable what ifs.
I am better off, yes I have paid off all my debt but now don’t have the buffer of winnings, which hurts. But in my position, I couldn’t spend it anyway, I had to be secretive, so what is the point of having that much money i say to myself, I essentially won too much money to cope with, and i needed the big loss in order to stop. As a CG I think you do have to go through this.
Your situation, you had it, but didn’t bank it, so your mind wanted to go back and gamble. I understand, the rational mind wasn’t there and the CG took over. Yes you will think of all those things that you could have done, but like others have said this is the loss you may have needed to stop for good and not go through this pain any more. Whatever win you have, it will lead to pain further down the line, and the cycle goes on.
For me, I have to stop now, the loss hurts, I wanted that money and can’t understand why I couldn’t just keep it. But on the other hand I have to not beat myself up as i am addicted and needed to stop sometime, so as I have seen in other posts ‘ why not now, before it gets worse in the long run’. Treat the loss as your therapy cost.
This post is for my therapy too, but hope you can find some hope in it and not go back.