firstly let me apologies for my English, i am not a native speaker, but i hope you can understand my condition and provide me with your advice.
i have a slightly different type of gambling, and finding out that I am a gambling addict was really shocking to me, i have never gambled on casino and i have even never thought to gamble..
i grouch up in religious community where gambling is consider a sin and in a country where the casinos are not available so i have never gambled or even thought to try gambling
6 years back i was tired from my work and i was looking for a source of 2nd income, i am Engineer working in a reputable company and i have a good salary, i found that trading online could be
the solution for me since it is completely online and it looks promising with the returns that i can get.
for the first 6 months I have started with a leverage 1:1 i will explain the meaning of leverage later on for the reader who is not familiar with this term, and after the 6 months i lost few hundred dollars
and i thought that this is a learning period and now i am ready to start with a good amount and with a good leverage,
i have deposited 3000$ and increased the leverage to 1:400 ( it means for each 1$ i can trade with 400$, so with 3000$ i can open positions up to 1,2 million $ if the market goes 0.3% to my direction i will
double my account and if it goes 0.3% to the opposite direction i get a margin call and lose all the account "considering that i have used the leverage to the maximum") it was successful for few day i had a few winners and then i have start losing all my profit and my capital. And from then chasing the losses started and never stopped.
I continue in this condition of putting more money trade for few days win at the beginning then losing it all for few months until i have lost all my saving and i have obtained a 5 credit cards and maxed all of them and lost it all, i have few loans here and there i have borrowed from my family after an almost a year I reach to the bottom where i really start thinking to kill myself. My liabilities was around 120,000$ all because of this addiction and I was not realizing that was an addiction.
during this year and exactly at the end of it i have sent email describing my condition to one of the psychology sites and the answer was i have a compulsive gambling . compulsive gambling!! how come i have never gambled on my life !!!
Up to that moment i was completely un aware that i have a gambling addiction. but then i have start reading about it and comparing everything i am doing with the gambling just replacing the casino games with the forex trading , i can't say that i have admit it in the first day from receiving that email but it took me like a year after that until i reach a moment where enough is enough and i have to start over i have to accept that. all the loses that i have lost will not be recovered and trading forex is not the way to recover my loses but it is the reason for all these losses.
once I decided to stop i have start to realize i am really having a compulsive gambling i couldn't stop once i receive my salary the first thing was putting good part of it to my trading account and start trading "gambling again" and losing again and again
my losses crossed 200,000$ based on my most realistic calculation, i still have my job "frankly I don't know how" even i got promotions and i become a project manager at the darkest moment of my life 5 years ago
frankly i think i am lucky to keep my job during all that period my productivity dropped much compared with the period before starting this addiction even my self-confidence my focus all changed.
i have closed all my credit cards, i still i have 3 installment to close my loan then i will have only my family loans. I am in my recovery way but in the last two years I have replaced 5 or 6 times two of them was tough.
for me is trying to minimize the damage to the minimum if the relapse cost me 500$ I can pass it and It will not really heart me but once it really goes out of control like last week's relapse I lost 4500$ and if I had an access to 45,000 $ I might lost it in the same period. Such relapse really breaks me down 4500$ could cover all the pending installments on my loan. But I have just lost it like this.
from two years till now i am really trying hard to stop my addiction i succeeded to stop it for 3 to 4 months many times after that i will had a relapse for a week or two then start over for 3 or 4 months then relapse again.
i think it is enough for now i will write again with more details this my help me to overcome my addiction.
Anyone here had the same type of addiction?