Hello Amina

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

Hi Amina

It does take time to recognise a gambling problem because the person with the problem wants it kept secret through misplaced shame and/or fear of being found out.

I understand your feelings of loneliness and I wonder if you can do something about that even if you cannot control your husband’s addiction. It is so easy to become embroiled in the addiction of another and allow your mind to be always wandering towards what the CG (compulsive gambler) is doing – where is he, when is he coming home and why is he doing this?

When your mind is consumed by someone else’s problem you are not living the life you deserve and in turn you can lose who ‘you’ really are. Enjoying friends, hobbies interests that do not involve your husband’s addiction will help to remind you of who you are and help to build a resistance to an addiction for which you are not responsible.

Your husband probably gambled a long time ago, (as so many others do every day without a problem) but sadly for him addiction was the consequence of that bet and he probably has no idea how to control it.

I know it is hard but questioning an active CG about their activities is a waste of time because the usual coping mechanism of a CG is to blame others for their problem or to lie. They blame others because if they did not then they would have to take responsibility for their behaviour and that means facing a demon they do not understand.

In all probability Amina your husband is unhappy, he is hooked into something that is destroying him and he is blindly pursuing his addiction believing that one day he will  control it. Some CG do not want to stop and many profess they know what they are doing but most will be unhappy that they cannot gamble responsibly.

I cannot tell you what to do because all decisions must be yours but maybe you could tell him that you are seeking help because ‘you’ are unhappy; maybe you could ask him to help you to understand rather than questioning him.  I am not suggesting you are questioning or blaming him but I know from experience it is hard to do or say anything right when faced with an active addiction.

Remember that now you have approached this forum, you are not alone and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you – just keep posting and hopefully things will be clearer.

Velvet