This is going to kill me. Please help me
I am writing this at a completely desperate state. I have buried myself in debt and feel so hopeless and depressed. It had ruined my relationship.
My backstory. I have been a gambler for many many years, probably about 10. I am currently 28. When I first turned 18 and was able to gamble I won a jackpot of 6k on slots and this was the begging of my end.
I always gambled on and off but nothing that was to out of control I thought, any debts I got myself into maybe even small I was able to get out of relatively fast. About 2 years ago I won a large jackpot on sports betting of 37,000. I thought I was a king. After I won this I was talking to people telling them about how I was going to invest it like some sorta motivational person.
6 months ago my gfs son commited suicide. Needless to say this has really put a spin on my life and hers. And after this I dug into gambling way harder then I ever have. Racking up 50k of debt. This was in the time of planning on selling my house and moving in with my gf. This plan was in the works for a while. Gambling has turned me into a liar and I never told my gf until one day she found out. I was lucky and sold my house and the equity helped solve my problems basically clearing my debts.
I went to GA and was doing well for about 3 months. Then my internal struggles and depression kicked in and I have crashed again and racked up 50k in debts once again:(. I feel so lost and hopeless. And my gf has discovered it and wants me to leave. And I cannot blame her. I fear because I need help but I can’t handle everyone knowing me being such a failure.
I have a good paying job and make over 100k a year but I feel like all I have done is waste my life. I don’t know why I have this self destructive sabotage. I feel so alone and depressed and yet I am just trying to go along with a smile on my face. I am sitting here just woundering why I am so stupid. And how much I have had to sacrifice to get basically no where, I work absurd hours and have pissed it all away.