This is going to kill me. Please help me

Hi everyone


I am writing this at a completely desperate state. I have buried myself in debt and feel so hopeless and depressed. It had ruined my relationship.


My backstory. I have been a gambler for many many years, probably about 10. I am currently 28. When I first turned 18 and was able to gamble I won a jackpot of 6k on slots and this was the begging of my end.


I always gambled on and off but nothing that was to out of control I thought, any debts I got myself into maybe even small I was able to get out of relatively fast. About 2 years ago I won a large jackpot on sports betting of 37,000. I thought I was a king. After I won this I was talking to people telling them about how I was going to invest it like some sorta motivational person.


6 months ago my gfs son commited suicide. Needless to say this has really put a spin on my life and hers. And after this I dug into gambling way harder then I ever have. Racking up 50k of debt. This was in the time of planning on selling my house and moving in with my gf. This plan was in the works for a while. Gambling has turned me into a liar and I never told my gf until one day she found out. I was lucky and sold my house and the equity helped solve my problems basically clearing my debts.


I went to GA and was doing well for about 3 months. Then my internal struggles and depression kicked in and I have crashed again and racked up 50k in debts once again:(. I feel so lost and hopeless. And my gf has discovered it and wants me to leave. And I cannot blame her. I fear because I need help but I can’t handle everyone knowing me being such a failure.


I have a good paying job and make over 100k a year but I feel like all I have done is waste my life. I don’t know why I have this self destructive sabotage. I feel so alone and depressed and yet I am just trying to go along with a smile on my face. I am sitting here just woundering why I am so stupid. And how much I have had to sacrifice to get basically no where, I work absurd hours and have pissed it all away.


Hello Badsportsbetter and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums


Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!


Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.


As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)


And on that note....


I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you :-)


Take care


The Gambling Therapy Team



PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!


I found it hard to read your story as you sum up the despair of being an addicted gambler in so few words. I too worked hard and had nothing to show for it - working days, evenings and weekends and still finding time to gamble and throw away every penny I earned.

You said you found some success with GA and then, "my internal struggles and depression kicked in ..." That sounds to me as if there is more going on for you than the gambling and it might be time for some professional help. If you are in the UK try speaking to your GP or contacting Gamcare. https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/find-local-treatment/

In the meantime you must know the advice from your GA days - so lose access to the gamble, try and lose access to your finances (can your gf manage your money?) and get good support from GA and here.

I know there will be some resistance to going for counselling it is a difficult step to talk about what is going on in our heads - but counsellors are trained to be non-judgmental and confidentiality is ensured. Try and find someone you gel with and stick with it. I wish you well.


I am trying to just go on with my fake smile like everything is ok. The only person that knows is my gf and she wants me to go to in patient treatment. I can’t stop working and tell my work and everyone else it will literally kill me. I am looking back and not even sure why I did this. I know that gambling won’t help me. And then I do it and it takes over, like I don’t even remember spending that money it was like some weird blur.


At the time it’s like ohh what’s 4000 that’s nothing. Now I’m looking at the hard days I’ve had to put in to make that money and to try and cover it back. Like I know I make good money and can pay it off but I can’t get my head around how much I’ve set myself back.


I am going to start counselling soon to try and deal with my grieving. And obviously talk about all my other issues. Because deep down something deep down is stemming this.


Hi


A question if your working but gambling it all... why work ?


Hello everyone


I am still here, still in large amounts of debt. But trying to get help for this. I am going to start back at GA. I started going to a therapist to try and talk about my issues. It’s more then just a gambling problem. I need to deal with emotional problems going on. I have relapsed but I know this needs to stop. I am stopping and I need to. It has ruined my life and I can’t take t anymore:(


When i want inspiration on how to stay on track I sit my butt down in front of the computer and watch youtube videos of people living from paycheque to paycheque , people with no job, underemployed, poor, on benefits and not being able to feed their families. People who have lost it all and have to start over, Get it? You have no idea where this addiction will take you if you don't stop. It could be you, kicked out of your girlfriends, no job because your gambling ruined your ability to keep it. You could be 45 and in so deep that you can never get yourself out except to file bankruptcy and then ruin your chance of ever getting another home of your own. Life has a funny way of undermining what people think is solid ground and you might want to hedge a few bets that it will happen to you too if you dont get out of the spiral you are in. Many on here have had a lifetime of gambling to run up your debt load. You are still young and have time to get help and start over again, this time, with more controls. Do you want to be someone who has conquered or folded? I fear losing all that I have worked so hard for and to see others, on youtube, telling their stories of how quickly it can all slip away, can be a great motivator to get myself in check. Hope this helps you too. Just go to documentaries.


yes I don’t want that to be me. I don’t want to be the me that I am now with the debt I have accumulated but I also do know that I have a chance if i stop it now. I am fortunate that I have the chance to dig myself out, it will take alot of work, and very hard work but I am facing that I can do it. I just really have to not bet. Hours ago I just found myself urgently wanting to bet again thinking that will be my only way to fix this. I calmed myself out of it and reminded myself it’s not true. And I have been close to getting myself out by gambling then slowly pissing it back away and feel even more distressed because I didn’t just take the money and call it even. I am at terms I have a problem and can never gamble again.



thanks


Man I feel your pain in every sentence.

I could have written that myself, lost everything, broke even, thought I could be smarter, start again, lose everything again. Done it too many times to *****. Like you, went to ga, counselling, stopped.. relapsed more times that I can remember. I know exactly the feeling of breaking even, being so grateful to have the money back, just to lose it all again. I have roughly just a bit lesss debt than you, only problem is I don’t make 100k a year, I’m currently graduated school with no work in my field... I know all the feelings about feeling pathetic , like a degen. Asking how and why I let it happen

Again. I know nobody understands this feeling of losing it all, unless they’ve experienced it. They really are not lying when they say this is a lifetime recovery with gambling.: just when we think we have beaten it ... do well for months, heck even years.. it comes back around to dig us deeper into a hole we didn’t even know existed. My advice which I will also follow is going back to GA. , weekly counselling, and try to stay busy at all times. When I am depressed I gamble too.: it’s like a vicious cycle, gamble till I lose everything, then drink booze to mask it.. cycle continues.. save up money while in recovery, then relapse and lose all the earnings in few hours of months of work. We got to stay strong and use all resources available to beat this.. I know you don’t want to feel this pain of a gambling hangover just as bad as I don’t want to. I lost it all again this week so it’s fresh, time will heal us.. we need to stay ac*****able for our actions and really have Strategies in place if we get urges. I wish you well and keep posting, you are not alone in this. I’m 29 also and been gambling 10 years roughly. The wins are what killed us.. I wish I never won and never knew was chasing losses was.... we will re wire our brains in time.


Thanks for the response



i know its some weird thing but it actually helps knowing people are in hard spots like me. It drives me nuts. I think part of my problem is I want to be financially succeful so bad. And I do make good money but it’s insanely long hours out in the oilfield away from friends and family and I think part of that has caused my problems. My job I have a lot of down time and I used to gamble as an excitement to kill time. And now sadly that has become such a huge part of me. Just out working nights something that would help “get me by” was sports betting. 



Now after I have hitten rock bottom again, I realize all the problems it has caused with my emotional regulation. The highs and lows make me want to die almost. 



I just really wish i didnt put myself In such a huge hole. Now I feel like I will never dig out. Like I am almost considering bankruptcy to start over wich kills me. But I don’t know what else to do:(.....I just feel like I have wasted so much of my life and I could have had myself so great and set up by now.


its real tough to read your reply man, i Feel your pain in every word because I am in the exact same position right now. the good thing is we are still young and if we stop now we can rebuild but it will take time. A lot of people on this forum and at GA. Are well in their 40-60's trying to beat this for 20-30 years.. they tell me they wish they had beat it when they were our age, they wish they cut their losses at -50k. inagine Some people I've met lost literally everything. Millions of dollars, their homes remortgaged, their businesses gone bankrupt for using company money. their partners left them, their kids don't talk to them. Imagine that. Perspective is key man. Imagine you just save for 6 months. You will be the same age but have cleared all of your gambling debt and stack again. Trust me this feeling is temporary. I've been in the hole so many damn times to ***** where I felt like .. what's the point of living anymore, then I think .. over money??? something we can make back in time. more important Than your debt is your quality of life man. There is no amount of $ that Can beat that. Like you, I want to be financially successful so badly, But i realize GAMBLING will never take us there. It's a lie. you And I will not get there by gambling. there is only one way for financial success and that's to work hard. As the days pass , our brains will become more healthy as we will have a clearly mind and as time goes on without gambling , we will learn to treat ourselves more kindly and talk to our brains in a positive way instead of beating ourselves up and feeling like pathetic losers. So much pain and agony, stress, frustration, anxiety. Loss of jobs, work performance, loss of appetite, sleep, loss of happiness and motivation. emptiness, self hated.. I never want to feel these again and I'm sure you don't either. We MUST think if all these feeling before we place our first bet. Not after. if we do it after, those same feelings are right back. Every small victory is still a victory man, everyday that passes gamble free is a day you've won. Keep your head up, life is worth living, it is not us, it is our addicted brain.steev said to me  Don't be hard on yourself. Be hard on your recovery. That hit home. 


stay focused man. there are brighter days and we've both seem them. We can see them again.


Your line about not wanting to live anymore really spoke to me. And reminding me that it’s just money and I will be able to get it back. It’s hard to face that I will have to work my butt off to get back out of it. But I am really starting to see that if I don’t stop the gambling I will always be chasing this uphill battle. 



Thanks for your replies they mean the world to me Right now and really have already put a positive light for me today. 



today was a hard day for me. Again like I mentioned I work away in camps for work, not being able to see my girlfriend and family sometimes missing out on thanksgiving weekend. So I relapsed into gambling once again. And finally after a bunch of ups and downs again I realized how much it consumes me. Like watching the game updates on my phone at work, being distant from everything but the game. And then all the swings of how you think your going to win then loose so bad last minute which happened to me today. I finally am in realization that this can’t keep going. And I keep thinking omg it’s going to take years maybe to pay off my debt. But I need to realize this is the rest of my life. I need to change this forever. 



I am having a hard time because I am just a huge sports but. And now I feel like I have lost a part of me. And when I was almost 3 months gamble free I was fine when sports weren’t on in the summer. And I should have known as soon as they came back on I would falter. Just really trying to find a way to shift my focus onto other things when for so long that has been my passions.


When we are in fhe hole for so much, I know the feeling of just wanting to get your money back to break even and never look back.i know the feeling of not even enjoying gambling, not getting excited even when we win, because all we want is to get that loss back. We have to accept that the money is gone. Even if we got the $ back. We would somehow convince our brains That we are even now, we can be smarter. Place smaller bets, have more logic and self control. All a lie ; been there hundred times, maybe I was smarter for a day, a week, 2 weeks feelings amazing like omg I've figured it out, just to go back and lose all my winnings From the week, then start a chase and lose every penny to my name walking out of there asking what the hell just happened? there is no worst feeling to me. The amount of sleep I have lose and the life I have wasted puttijg My time into gambling. Like you I have about -35k of gambling debt right now, the past year has been a complete blur like you said, maybe up and down for well over 150k with wins and losses... most people think we are absolutely Mad, but those people don't understand addiction. Be gentle on yourself today man, tell your mind this is not you, this is your addiction. You are taking the steps in order to fix this. You have to want it, want it so bad it consumes your brain. Just like sports betting consumes you and casinos consume me, let la let recovery consume us.  Let's be OBSESSED with stopping. Let's make it IMPOSSIBLE. To gamble. Keep pushing forward, talk to your family, your gf, post here. You will be ok, I will be ok. There is life ahead of us, and many years of it. But I can promise you if you continue , that 50k will turn to 500k. Then 5 million, but if you stop now and never look back. You will get your losses back and come out on top ... i want to hear your success story man. I will leave you with this quote someone posted to me a year ago, I've relapsed maybe 20 times since. I finally understand it now that I've hit rock bottom. I hope you really understand it, because I didn't until now.



I liken it now to looking at a cliff face. There are two possible routes up.



One is hard, beyond our ability but we keep trying and keep falling off, we think it is the quickest way up, we want to try and prove ourselves in some way. On this route we have also hit the ground and hurt ourselves many times.



The other route is more straightforward, lots of attainable moves, there are even some bolts we can clip onto for support. Maybe it is more boring but it still leads to the top.



I finally have realised which route I need to take



“Please dont think of this as a financial problem, but As a lifestyle and behavioural one.”


“You will sort Things out, but don’t rush. Concentrate on yourself, not on the debts. Take small steps, and remember you can sort out your money, your life, and your peace of mind, but don’t think like a gambler, think like a measured individual who is wise and learning from mistakes.”


Thanks again Murr



Your messages keep me going. It is really hard to sit back and think about how long this will take. I started going back to GA and one of the older guys said to never say the word forever because it really is hard on your mind to grasp that. it really is an every day thing. And to just break  down into 24 hour periods and that really has been helpful to me. Ok I can beat today. And then tomorrow will be a new challenger but I can take that on 2. I also started going to therapy to talk about all the other stuff causing hard times in my life. Lots of stuff that I have just always pushed off in life. But as I get older I am realizing bottling it up just turns into these big problems like I have now, they are side effects of other things. 



Anyways thanks again man, this is how we keep moving on, through strength and understanting that we are not alone in this.


I am not in my 20s or 30s anymore do the prospect of having a lifetime to dig myself over and over does not exist. I am 54 and at the age where I would have liked to retire early, as I have been working since the age of 16 and now 35 years for the same company. My life plans for the golden years of my life have had to change dramatically and I have just started gambling ro the point it was an issue less than 5 years ago. I cant imagine what it would be like if I had started at your age. You have to know that things will never get any better if you dont accept that YOU CANT GAMBLE. I try to think about alcoholics or drug addicts. They probably wonder what it would be like to be you, having no urge to drink or partake in substances. How good your life must be not having their problem. How easy it would be if they could just wake up and have no issue dealing with not doing drugs or drinking. You dont have that issue, you have another that not a lot of people have. You could be the person that wakes up and doesnt have to deal with strong urges to gamble every day, you just have to make it through a clean patch of time to start the healing process. Your brain needs to be rewired and adjust and it will, in time. If you are out in the oil field, then make sure you have no access to bet and it will be easier. We make it hard on ourselves by leaving open opportunities to do it out of fear that if we close all avenues, we will panic if we really need to gamble. Does it make sense for the alcoholic to have a little stash "just in case" they feel like a drink? I know the only thing that works for me is to have no access to online and limited (4 hour travel time) to a land based casino. I still have days where I try in vain to get around the gamban and fail. But I've failed at trying, not failed by gambling and there is a big difference. The urges get weaker and life resumes without it. I used to be so organized and obsessive about my home, but that was one of the first things to go with the cg. I am getting back on track put in a deck and fence last summer and new garden and patio furniture this year. Watching other parts of your life grow and prosper is good fodder for abstinence and it will all happen in good time. I am starting on me soon as I have "let myself go" due to feelings of inadequacy from cg, and I feel that I deserve some of the time that I used to give those stupid spinning reels back. I hope that you can find the spark inside you that will light the fire. You need the fire because its do hard to beat this thing with only a spark to light the way. No, you can't gamble, maybe never again. It is one day af a time, as life is. All growth, all renewal, all life is. One day at a time.


How are you doing?


Hey



so unfortunately I was doing well for a bit again and started to be scared of the amount of debt I have made for myself:(



the truth is is I make good money at my age but I really have to sacrifice a lot to get it. I work out in the oilfield and it’s not an easy life. Long days and nights of 14-16 hr shifts in all the elements. And I started to think to myself It will take you years to pay this off with so much sacrifice. This made me slip up yet again. But today is a new day and I am going to stop for good. I have finally started to realize that this will actually kill me if I continue.



i met with a finiancial advisor about my next steps because I was considering bankruptcy or debt proposal but unfortunalky because I make enough money it would make zero sense to do so.



so this sadly will be my day one all over again:(



i am going through some problems with my girlfriend where we are about to break up and this stress pushed me to gamble again over the weekend. I need to learn I cannot do this anymore. If I keep this up it will be the end of me and I know it. The lows I feel from gambling are so severe. And the spans I have had when I become free from it I remember how much better life can be.



thanks for listening everyone


If you read my thread you will know that I recently had a relapse due to access. I ended up in a place that had slots. If  you truly want to succeed at this you must cut off all access to gambling. If you go to casinos you must make sure  that you are banned or restricted. If you play online you must secure your devices with gamcare or gamban to stop. It is not about willpower at this point and you really have no excuse not to install anti gambling software on you devices. If you can find money to gamble then you can find it for this. Yhe only reason you dont is that part of you is still fighting, still wanting to gamble. Address this immediately and put a stop to it. You say that gambling is going to kill you? Do something to save your own life. Make sure you explore every Avenue to find ways to stop yourself before you get access and you will succeed. If you continue use this way then it will be a never ending cycle that will kill your soul. Take charge.


Im free from my gambling addiction after 25 years of hell. Im 47 years old now and Im as happy as a person can bee. There is a way out of this and I will tell u how I did that. Im from Sweden and been living in UK since 7 years, but its not of any matter, everyone has the same feelings and there are so many who is in the same boat as you are out there. I will not tell you my hole story because it will take a while. So how can u get rid of this horrible addiction: First of all u must understand that the only one that can help u out of this is you and only you. People can give u the tools, but the one that decides in the end is you. Put all of your anger , hate, feeling sorry for yourself in a bag and throw it away as far as you can. Dont look back in the past and think about what u lost or other things u are angry about , just leave it to the past. Forgive people that has been nasty to u because u are a bigger person and you feel a lot better yourself. A lot of people try to stop gambling first and then fix your body and soul but thats not gonna work very well. If u feel good about yourself u dont need to gamble , its a way of escaping from reality and when u feel good you dont need to escape anymore and you feel great. Be nice and understanding to other people because you get it back, I will promise u that. We are all brothers and sisters and our souls is conected , everyone of us and the soul will never die. Do not get upset with small things and give love and u will get love back. Do not think to much or worry about things , live now and be the best version of you that you can be. When I was addicted I got thoughts in my head that I should gamble now and they were there all the time, but its just an illusion and thoughts are not real, you decide what to think and if u ignore the bad thoughts u get stronger and soon they will fade away. There is hope for everyone. Dont waste your time gambling anymore, dont feel shitty anymore, the only thing u have to do is think right and be in control of your thoughts. I hope everyone of you can feel like I do, because its just amazing and listen to me and start over and be a new you. Its like starting a new life from zero and I know everyone can do it , because I did. Love u all.


this is deep.. really spoke volumes and resonated with me. thank you for sharing this. 


Hey murr, snap! 


I see you notice similar messages I notice. ( brother from another mother)



wishing you the best, always x


Thank you so so much for this message. Much respect to you  


I enjoyed reading your story and it is my hope you are able to push through the triggers to gamble and fight this addiction, one day at a time. I will just say one thing brother, even when we do happen to win, eventually in the long run we are truly losers. What I mean by that, is think of the big win you had of 37k. How much of that did you actually get? How much have you put back into gambling? The truth is, we are addicted and can’t control ourselves, so we just keep losing and losing. Even when we do get “lucky and win” those profits are eventually given back. Focus on a better you, focus on getting through today without gambling. One day at a time brother!


Thanks everyone for your support. I am truly working on being happy every day and just tackling the day ahead. One of my largest fears is looking forward and how long this venture will take to clean my mistake of gambling debt. But I am trying to tell myself that this is a life long venture. Sure it might take me 1-2 years to clear myself and be debt free. But even then I will only be 30 and have so much time to build everything and have anything I want.


Thanks Berta you are right I need to eliminate my access and will be downloading a blocker on my phone. I did this in the past on my laptop and iPad but not my phone. It must have been because in the back of my mind I still wanted to gamble.


One of the hardest problems I have right now is the fact that a large trigger for me is sports betting. And to be honest with you watching and enjoying sports is my largest hobby in life. I am thinking I might need to almost stop watching sports for the year until I have my brain recorrected. I have a constant hobbit of going on my sports app and even if I am not betting guessing who will win or cover a spread. As of today I am deleting the app.


Thanks everyone today is a new day and I’m going to focus on kicking it’s ass.


You said in your original post that you have been gambling for 10 years - yet you can clear your debt in 1-2 years ... With respect, that is no time at all. Now I gambled for around 20 years. It took me 25 years to clear my debts. In other words - the longer you continue to gamble - the longer the debt repayment will take (it is not a linear progression.) And please don't take for granted that you will always be earning good money. Hopefully they won't, but things can happen.


Second - sports betting is really difficult if your main hobby is sports - but I know some people who have had success with different things. One changed his sports preference to something that he had never bet on - still enjoyed a game but no conditioning to bet on it. Another decided, instead of just watching sport - to get out and take part and chose a sport where he was challenging himself - not others ... (Actually getting out and about instead of being in front of a computer screen or inside a betting shop is a great contrast and helps the brain adjust faster.)

I hope this helps.


i have started to realize that not everyone is in a situation like mine and I have an opportunity to become very successful in life. I keep looking back and being upset about how much I have wasted. But part of me trying to move on is realizing I need to move forward from this. As I look back and reflect I have never had myself in a terrible hole from gambling until recent. But over the last 10-12 years without a doubt I have kept myself at par and have had to struggle sometimes from it. I am really learning that if I want to have a good life I need to stop this now for my future. I have accepted the fact that 2 years is really next to nothing. If I keep this up I will turn that way worse.


Well it isn’t much but starting to put some days together. Sitting here being disgusted at the situation I have put myself in again.


Not going to forget about it this time as soon as I get to a bit of breathing room like I have done many times before.


No thoughts of gambling to be honest today. Just a lot of disgust and displeasure with what I have done.


As I told u before. The key is that u must feel good in yourself, in your soul and to look back and be disgust of yourself is just the wrong way to go.


Forgett the past once and for all. You can not change the past ,its an illusion. Live now and be happy that u gonna change for the better. 


I belive in you, you can do this, but you must let go of the past and allow yourself to start over and be happy!


 


Here are some things that I have read that might help


I shouldn't dwell too much on the little mistakes - just recognize them, and each day try to improve them


 Let's be OBSESSED with stopping. Let's make it IMPOSSIBLE. To gamble.


What I do want to focus on is making amends for my mistakes, taking responsibility for my life, correcting my character flaws, and striving for a better life


Thanks for the find words everyone. I understand we need to move on from the past. Just sadly right now I am living in a financial wreck and have a bunch of things to deal with and they are all coming up on me.


Me and my gf are breaking up and I have to find a place to move to and don’t really have the extra funds to get a place I really want and that’s really discouraging.


But I am moving on. I’ve been on days off from work right now have been really doing not a whole lot other then reading and trying to fight any urges. Every time I have felt something I have distracted myself with video games or calling a friend.


I just really hope it all gets easier. I know it’s a super long road and I just feel like I don’t know where to start to make it all better. That being said I know my step one every day is not to place any bets. And hope the rest gets easier from that.


I will be going back to G.A. today and I’m excited for that, I need it.


Just keep going bro, look at the future in front of you, and I don’t want to get in the way of your relationship, but I lost a really good girl due to addiction, and i didn’t realize it until after she was gone that I could have made it better. Just saying man it’s hard to find a good woman, and sometimes we are so clouded by the mess we are in, that we realize we are pushing people away that actually care about us. Again, I don’t know your situation , just my experience because I’ve been in your shoes. As for the gambling, you know you have what it takes to stop, but you really need to want it bad. You really need to say you’re done, you’ve had enough of this feeling !! You never want to feel this garbage again... I know

You can do it...


You have to know you can do it too.


Keep going man.


i have read this over and over because there is truth to that. It really is hard to find a good woman. The hard thing I am dealing with now is that I have screwed things up so bad I can feel her dislove for me now. It’s not only the gambling thing, we have other issues going on, very large ones. Its tearing at me because she is my best friend and looking at it I’ve really ruined something great. For reasons I can’t even explain still. And the sad feeling I have is I will never be able to fix it and make it how great it was. I’ve tarnished that and hate it.


Unless she is gone bro, it's not too late to make thinfs better. I'll tell you what will hurt you more, that I have to live with everyday is seeing my 5 year gf, happy with another guy. You have to show your gf you are willing to put in the work to get your relationship to what it was, show her bro, councilling , ga, relationship councelling, anything and evertthing  in your  power to get her back and make things right. I lost mine because I stopped trying, the fights and me treating her so poorly; I told myself things will never be the same, and like you; she was my best friend... she knew me better than I knew myself, she begged for me to try Anything to not give up on her and on us.. and I gave up. I hope you didn't give up yet man.. I'm really rooting for you to get her back... I have to live knowing my ex is happy witg another guy who she will prob marry... don't let it go there man.. I really hope you can work things out with her and witg your issues you two are having... i know when I had issues with my ex I woild gamble .. it was an escape where I would forget about my problems while I was gambling and it was my outlet. It never works out in the end. Anyways bro be gentle on yourself , things can and will get better. sending my prayers and well wishes your way. keep fighting.



you are never alone.


well last night we had a big talk and we are going to try and make it work. I have agreed to go to counselling which I was already doing slowly but I really need to commit. Our issues are much deeper then the gambling issue. She is leaps and bounds ahead of me on the emotional level and I need to address things to learn to catch up. Things I was never taught as a kid and am learning the hard way about now. 



Thinhs are still not good, currently I am sleeping in the basement because we have agreed we are not together until things can make positive steps. the truth is I totally understand her on this, and I am the one that has broken things not her and she deserves to be comfortable.



Anyways I will keep working this battle, I feel so overwhelmed by it but at the end of the day counselling and therapy won’t hurt me and is worth every shot at this point.


Well here I am, another day another non bet. I can’t really say I have thought about it a whole bunch. To be honest tho that’s how I have always been, it’s when I get into betting and have money to burn is when it happens. Right now, I don’t have much extra income and anything I am making I am putting towards debt. I am still disgusted at things and I know I have to forgive myself at some point but this is the biggest motivation and reminder to not gamble again.


I went back to G.A. again last night and that was really helpful and am already looking forward to the meeting next Wednesday.


Booked another appointment with my counsellor and am going to try and work on myself because this gambling problem is deeper then just doing it on a whim.


And I really have to deal with this break up / struggles with my girlfriend properly or I know it will send me in a spiral again.


I said in my GA meeting last night that fights and arguments in my relationship would trigger me to gamble which it did last week. One of the senior members kinda called me out on that and asked me to reflect because she used to do that. And realized that she would use that as an excuse to gamble when she was bad in her addiction. And iv really been thinking about that. And truth is it kinda is like that. I get in an argument and just say fuck it, who cares anymore. I need to stop doing that, because arguments and conflict are a part of every single day.


Thanks

I’ll take 24 and passing 24 on to you!


Well another day and another gamble free experience. I can’t say I have had to many thoughts of gambling. I have deleted all sports apps from my phone and that has stopped my desire to even look who is playing or who I could potentially bet on. I know this won’t hold solid forever but trying to avoid triggers.


One trigger I had is that I was watching football last night with my family and that’s even hard because it has constant gambling site commercials. I just sit there and feel in shame even when I am not currently gambling. It’s like a silent reminder or something and to the people that know about my problem I start to wounder what they are thinking when they come on.


That being said I have moved past another day and need to keep holding strong. Tomorrow I have another therapist meeting so kinda anxious for that. I have a hard time really opening up but know I need to and get to the bottom of my shit.


Well officially 7 days! Very small but a start. Well going to my counsellor today soon so see how this goes. Haven’t really had any thoughts or urges to gamble to be honest. Just anxious about the whole I’ve dug myself into. But hoping if I can keep it together long enough I’ll see things will start getting better!


Congrats on your 7 days!! I'm there too... the way I see it we're 7 days closer to freedom and happiness!! Keep up the good work 


Hi everyone, still moving on kinda strong.


I had a therapy session last night and it went pretty good. Really trying to break down walls to look inward. Today is always a challenge because it’s football sunday and I’m always triggered sadly. Just need to buckle down and be like you can enjoy the game but not bet on it lol.


Feel pretty good lately. I know I am far far far from the clear. I just seriously feel a clarity again. The last time I stopped gambling I got to roughly 90 days and I remember how I was starting to gain my happiness back again. I seriously feel slightly better. The debt I look back on brings me back down again. I am trying not to focus on that right now though. I am planning to see my therapist every 2 weeks regularly even when I am starting to feel myself “ getting better”.


9 days is great. Just wait till you add a 0 onto that to make it 90, and another 0 onto that to make it 900, until you lose c o u n t bro. I feel we all need to really have a traumatizing experience with this demon for us to stop. I feel we really need to get to the point where the thought of gambling/placing a bet makes us want to throw up... just imagine it like it was a food you absolutely hate to eat... or a course in school you couldn’t stand to go to, or part of your job that you can’t stand to do. Just put gambling in that same damn category man... it’s disgusting , its a lie, it’s false hope.. it ruined us temporarily. Any money we had won was actually just a loan from the casino/bookie.. they knew it was only a matter of time before they’d get our winnings back.. and then all of our savings and the banks money also. We are young, we are full of life and we have time on our side. Let’s not make the mistake to gamble and repeat these same actions and mistakes into our 30’s and 40’s. I don’t want to and I know you don’t want to either. The good thing is we have time to rebuild. Not only our debts and finances, but our mental state and our quality of life. It’s great you’re going to therapy man and trying to figure out the root of your issues, the reason why you gamble, the reason why you choose that to escape. I always gambled when life issues hit.. loss of gf, spending too much $ on vacations, fights with friends and family, depression and anxiety... casino was always my escape because as long as I was gambling, I would forget about all of my problems, even if I was losing.. and boy if I was winning I would forget about them even more!! I would walk out of there with thousands in my pocket thinking I was. King ! Say I don’t need that girl!!! I don’t need that friend!! I don’t need that job!! I don’t have depression or anxiety!! I got money and that’s what matters most!! Man was I a fool lol.. we learn and we sometimes learn the hard way in life, but the most important part is that we actually do learn, I mean what’s a mistake without the lesson learned; the best teacher in life is ourself. I wish you nothing but happiness and success in your journey my man, never give up and in time I know we will both look back and smile at this distant memory that made us stronger and helped us grow into mature adults who fought through a fuckin storm and came out in the sunshine. Take care of yourself brother.


Thanks for the constant support. This group really helps. Me being honest and confronting this disease is what is helping not sitting in the shadows. Yea same here I have been looking at what sparks me and it’s a problem with conflict, a lot of the times with my gf. I have always had some sort of weird financial fear. Always wanting to be the top dog and I thought that was attained through money. 



I was reading something the other day about a story of someone who won 5k one night. Which I can say I have done many times. This person confinues the story by saying how the normal person would take that 5k and run and enjoy every bit of that money. Shut it down right their. The compulsive gambler in most of us on here can’t do it. They continues to say how they would take 4K and put it way to pay things off and gamble with the rest. Then would loose that, then constantly put in more to chase back getting to the 5k. Which is the story of a compulsive gambler to the fullest. We don’t thing rationally and can’t just be happy with a 5k win. Like what are we truely looking for?


That's really a good question!! Because it's true for all of us compulsive gamblers, we never take the money!! But I've noticed a lot of people have the desire for more money to be their trigger... go figure. Anyway be strong, keep up the good work!! 


Have learned that lesson this past week, BSB. Won a massive amount and couldn't walk away. Wanted more and more. I have been trying to cope with the loss this week. I know from here on out, that I must be happy with the salary that I make. Fast money isn't going to make everything better. Might be the best thing that has happened to me. Have to appreciate the grind and the feeling of success that comes with it. My inner weakness just can't handle that kind of winning. I had been conscious about my money for the past year and the slow build up of savings is what kept me stable. My fast rise and downfall this last week has put more stress on me that I have ever had and I never want to feel that again. The jackpot feels enriching at the time but it has its consequences on our metal state. We're just not cut out to leave when we are up. And the dramatic fall that comes after the rise, lives on longer than that short high.


Well I went back to G.A. again last night. To be honest it wasn’t good for me this time. We did an open session and this one guy just drive me off the walls. Doesn’t even call himself a compulsive gamble and tries to give everyone advise like he’s some guru and he doesn’t even have much clean time.


That being said I have realized other things, like how life is hard and we deal with all types of triggers and things. I realized I am glad I am not like that guy to be honest lol.


Other then that the gambling has been ok, the urges aren’t around right now. Then again I am still living in the disgust stage, where I fell hard last time was around the 90 day mark I thought I had it. Need to constantly remind myself that this is forever. I don’t want to go back to the dark past but in the future I will need to remind myself of this dark past.


Thanks for listening everyone!


On another note, Reading that you got yourself into some debt and feel hopeless. Before I went on my bender last weekend, I had myself in good financial standing. I haven't racked up the amount of debt you have but I can feel for you. Someone that changed my life financially was Dave Ramsey. He's a radio/youtube financial guy. I would really recommend you listening to his advice on Youtube on getting out of debt and having the steps necessary in order to achieve it. He calls it the 7 baby steps. As long as you can free yourself from the gambling and work hard to knock away the debt you'll see yourself back in no time with your income. That is what I plan on doing, to straighten myself up again. You'll see after listening to him and the people that call in, that we aren't in as terrible shape as we think in our mind. And it can be done! Hope this helps in some way.


thanks I will for sure take a look at him, pretty much the only things helping me right now are reflecting and watching videos of peoples stories and reading things on this site!


Woke up today a bit confused and really wondering how and how much hard work this debt will take. Then I got my mind around and realized yes you did this. You simply can’t continue this way or you will be in wayyyyy worse shape eventually. Just starting thinking of all the time I have wasted and how ahead I was at one point:(. That being said I am moving ahead and will keep driving myself to success.


I think in your opening post you said you had been gambling for 10 years and you are coming up to 30. So you had been gambling for 1/3 of your life. In ten years it will only be 1/4 and when you get to my age (62) it will be less than 1/6th - that's hardly worth thinking about.

Don't blame yourself - it is just faulty thinking and behaviour. Keep moving forwards as a non-gambler and enjoying life.


Well I’m on my way. Still day to day struggles if I am being real. Not really even gambling struggles just having a hard time emotionally with everything. I’m getting help with that. I am confident things will start to feel better after I really get over the thoughts of disappointment. I already feel like my mood is just way more stable after stopping gambling. The roller coaster ride was unbearable now when I am thinking back on it. Constantly worries about when I was going to loose it all again. Thinking that way I’m like how was that even a slight bit enjoyable.


Honestly today has been terrible. No gambling or wanting to gamble but everything has crashed down. Relationships are just not doable right now. Just trying to be happy but things are non stop. Feel like I am going to implode. This is where I would normally fall off but I am not doing that. Just going to cope with the problems and move on.


Hi

Relationships are difficult to handle in the early days of a gamble-free life, you need all your energy for yourself. I think it would be good to hold off until you are feeling like the man you want to be – the man you know you can be. It isn’t selfish to think about yourself first at this time – it isn’t easy facing an addiction and in my opinion it is good that you take advantage of anything that makes it easier for you to succeed.

Make sure that you do something every day that pleases you, something that maybe you have forgotten about while you were gambling – see friends and/or family just to socialise, take up a hobby you used to enjoy, go for a walk and notice the changing seasons, anything that stops you feeling as though you are imploding because success is not the result of spontaneous combustion – you must set yourself of fire first.

Not everything crashed down today – you didn’t. I am following your thread and I look forward to reading your progress because I know you can do it.

Velvet


Hi BSports,


I have just read your thread and it sounds like you are being terribly hard on yourself. There is not one person in life who has not messed up and we are all just struggling through the ups and downs of life.

I guess what is hard for us to let go of is what could have been but we often fail to recognise it can still be . Debts don’t have to be paid in a year or two - they can drag on for ten quietly in the background while we enjoy a really good standard of living.

GA wasn’t for me for the possibly the same reasons as the man who annoyed you. I really only found some type of recovery when I started to have compassion for myself and started to see myself in a new positive light - calling myself a cg was unhelpful at best and felt like a self fulfilling prophesy. Having said that some people have managed to maintain a recovery through GA.

Counselling is a great move - I also find mindfulness really helpful in coping with the anxiety that gambling has left behind.

I also get the relationships thing - once we find recovery our relationships change -people in our lives have to readjust and now deal with the stronger, more assertive and gamble free us - the relationship is no longer about them picking up the pieces or playing the victim. They have a to find a new way of being with us if relationships / friendships are to survive .


You are doing amazingly well but please have compassion for yourself . Look inside yourself and really see the wonderful person that is in there- the person who despite being dealt the horrible blow of having this addiction still battles on bravely doing everything they can to beat this .

You deserve recovery !


Everyone I just want to thank you all for your kind and loving words. They seriously help me stay on track. I come back to this post everyday hoping for a boost so thank you!


Well to everyone who follows my posts, yesterday was a terrible day that almost melted me. Luckily I had a counselling meeting that day and things went off very greatly. Yesterday in the past would have been a day I gambled. I didn’t, and actually feel like I turned a really positive corner. I am still struggling with emotional relationship problems but I am working on them. I am discovering that everything will get better, not tomorrow but I’m time if I stay this journey. The journey that I need in my life.


I'm going through some tough time just are right now. It is sports season and its very difficult not to place a bet since it's tie a lot to the holiday season. At least for me. But I have to take control over my life and you can do it too. Be strong my friend.


Well things are still moving along, to be honest I just feel an overall calm I haven’t felt in a while. Won’t lie to you football this past Thursday was a hard test to be honest. Many times in the past that would have been an excuse to gamble because my team was playing.


I even had placed a bet in my mind about who would win which I know is a dangerous thing. The sad thing is I would have been right, that being said I did the same mind bet on the following game and I would have lost that. I then reminded myself you can’t do it anymore, you win then you loose it all the next game. Obviously can’t keep doing that in my mind but it actually gave me satisfaction knowing I resisted and then realized you would have lost it all the next day or so on.


Anyways let’s keep this ball going thanks for listening!


good Job on working toward stop gambling. First time in years that I didn't place a bet on Turkey Day. Unfornately I slipped this weekend.   I feel like I have to slap myself a few time to wake up and just stop wasting time and money. Time to drown my self in work and working toward my degree. I refused to sucum to this disease.


Hello brother,


I just wanted to say I’ve enjoyed reading your post because I’m a sports addict as well and have a lot of the same thoughts as you do. For instance, placing bets in my head, and winning only to lose the next bet. Anyway, today is my first day of being bet free. I will continue to read your post as they have helped me because we are in the same boat. Do you live in USA?

Have a great day and let’s be bet free today!!


Hey man thanks for following my post and hope it can help you in any way possible! Wishing you a bet free time and get some clean time like I am doing, it’s starting to feel much better, and my mind feels clear! No I am not in USA I’m north of the boarder in Canada:)


Well nothing crazy new to report here. Have really had a break through in honestly the last week. Telling people who have hurt me the truth of my feelings even if it’s made things tense and uncomfortable. Really is a freeing feeling to be honest. Things are starting to feel more comfortable in my life. It’s amazing how much more relaxed you become when your not constantly thinking about how you will get your next funds to gamble or when you are going to loose what you have.


Hi BSports,

You are making great progress - I think there is a lot of support in Canada - Gamtalk is based there and they could probably advise you - keep strong !


So I am currently on the 4 week mark of no longer gambling. I am very proud of this but feel like I have a long ways to go. Been very frustrated because I have been slow at work and not really making much extra money to cover my debts, just making minimum payments right now and this frustrates me. To be totally honest have been feeling really down lately, not sure fully of what. The debt really gets me down that I have done this to myself.


On another note though I have been going for weekly counselling and to G.A. every week and I feel like I am getting positive results from these things. Just really need to keep living this a day at a time and stay gamble free each day and I know my life will pick back up. Just need to stop thinking about the past because it’s already done and dig and deep and move forward. Reminding myself that gambling will not fix anything, any emotional or financial pain I am in won’t be corrected it will only get worse.


Good to hear your updates brother. I can relate to so much of the situation you're in and the pain gambling has caused you so whenever I read your posts they truly speak to me I just want you to know that I'm not coming on here to give you any sort of words that aren't truly genuine my man. You are taking all the necessary steps in order to get not only your fincances corrected, but your mental health and lifestyle corrected also. you didn't lose all of that money overnight, in a week, a month.. let Me say we... we didn't lose it in a day, a week, a month. It has been a Gradual build up of this addiction and just like it took a long time to lose not only the money but ourselves in the process, it's going to take just as much time, if not more to fix both of our finances and our mental health. Like you I am also just doing minimun payments on my credit card and line of credit right now because my personal training business failed due to my gambling and lifestyle, so I know what it's like to have not much $ to no money coming in and getting smoked in interest every month. At least our credit will not be affected this way and we can start making better payments when work picks up. Going to meetings is great man and it really helps you try to find the root and GA is a real eye opener to see what this has done to many people should we continue to gamble we will end up losing a lot more of not only our money, but our youth, the years that matter. We are still younger than I'd say 75% of people in GA if not more, don't know if the same where you are. You must keep pushing , 4 weeks is a huge accomplishment For a compulsive gambler, and let me tell you it does get better each day that passes (58 days over here) keep posting, keep going to meetings, keep speaking positive thoughts to your mind in this time, and know that everything will work itself out, in time, finances , mental health, relationships, jobs, patience is our best friend in A time like this. I believe in you brother and I'm right here battling with you day by day. wishing you a merry Christmas and a happy Gamble free New Years. you got this.


These messages are what help keep it all going. Very real and very truthful. Hope you continued success and let’s all keep winning day by day!


I just wanted to come in and offer my support. Murr you hit the nail on the head with everything you said. Such truth in your post!

I have to ask, do you attend GA meetings in your area or do you participate in the meeting from this site?

Every day is better, but I know the moment I stray from this site, is the moment my quit is in danger. It holds us accountable.

Proud of you for being gambling free for 28 days! Here is to day 29!


Well I am official on the one month mark:)


Something I am very happy and proud about but I am aware that I have a large hill to climb yet. Not saying I am not congratulating myself on this, it’s a huge day. The sad thing is I have been here and fell down the hill below sea level before.


I feel like this time my mind is in a different place this time. Last times I have tried I just stopped and thought that was good enough. This time I am on a mission for my soul. To find answers to myself and my life mission. I feel like I am a different person then I was a month ago. I also know I have more soul searching to do and I am determined to meet the new person I am still becoming.


On a side note, I am experiencing hard times like everyone else. I am feeling the extreme stress of putting myself in a financial burden around Christmas time and adding to the debt to buy gifts which I am feeling as a pointless propaganda holiday. Anyways I am also telling myself if I don’t gamble and this time next year things will seem so free and easy. Instead of like years past when I would feel this stress and burden I would gamble to try and free up funds further putting myself in the whole. This year I will not be beat by that same mind set. I am kicking every days ass. I feel empowered by fighting urges and giving myself pats on the back for every single day I fight the addiction.


I know this may sound like a stigma but things honestly feel so much easier and I feel way happier. I’m back to enjoying life again. I’m enjoying time with family and friends and am actually invested in the time. In the past I was always thinking in the back of my mine hows my team doing that I have bet on. Always sneaking off to the bathroom to check the scores like a drug addict to be honest. I remember in the past pretending my stomach hurt in a restaurant one time to my girlfriend so I could get onto my online account and place more bets.


Just overall feel good not having to lie and cover my lies. Still have a long way to go but I’m getting my life back. My love for life back.


well done on one month gamble free! I am one week gamble free and hoping to keep building on that. I find life easier and also harder in ways being gamble free. Easier because I'm not on that rollercoaster of ups and downs, but harder because there isn't the distraction or excitement of the rollercoaster.


Still gamble free and I’m loving it. Still having hardships with the debt I have caused. I have a feeling of joy and telling myself if you just work hard and don’t gamble this will never be a problem in your life again.


35 days gamble free is amazing, you can feel very proud of yourself. I try not to think about what I've lost, but think about how much I can earn in the future and how I won't be losing that money by gambling, so I ***** all the money I earn now and in the future as a win.


Just wanting to check in, life to be honest has been going great. I am finding my happiness back. I still have the debt but I am starting to accept to myself that it’s just money and if you stop gambling will seriously be cleared up so fast.


I find myself being funny again, and people wanting to be around me. Something I felt was not possible when I was gambling.


So glad to hear that life is going great for you.  I had the same thing when I gave up gambling. People actually wanted to be around me and listen to the jokes and the humour that I had.  I found it odd, but enjoyed it.


Enjoy life without gambling.  I don't miss the machines one bit!



That is awesome very happy to hear you are able to stay strong and see things turning around and all the blessings that we have missed while Imprisoned by gambling... I think you and I are on the same day one date or very close so happy day 43 ish to us !! ❤️ 


Hi everyone.


It’s been a long time since I posted. And to be honest I have relapsed since my last posts but I have since got back on track. I had a huge fight with my gf around Christmas time and it caused me to gamble on Christmas Eve.


That being said I have really got myself going strong since then. I have faced many many hard moments since then but still fighting the urge.


Life has honestly become a lot easier. I am experiencing joy again and life honestly seems enjoyable again at times. I have really put my head down and continued working my ass off. I a slowly paying off debts and have money in my account. It has been a very nice feeling.


I just recently found out my grandmother passed away and to be honest has been hard. Me and my gf have gotten in another huge fight and this would normally be enough to set me off. I am writing on the forum to get some support from everyone on here to continue to make it past this.


I have been going to counselling and have been doing a lot of self work. This has all been very very hard but I am doing it because it is necessary.


Anyways I’ll take 24 and pass on 24 stay sober everyone life is hard but we make it wayyyy harder by gambling.


It's hard losing your grandmother- hope you can take heart in some great memories.  


Hope you didn't go gamble after the fight, but I know how it is.  My mind heads straight there when I get in a fight with my wife.


Counselling is such a great tool.  


My GA leader always said:  "no matter how bad things get, gambling will only make it worse"


Good on you for posting and working on your life.  


I am relatively new on here, about 9 days into my gamble free journey.

I read your initial post and through some of the following ones and just wanted to say keep your head up and keep on going.

You are about 4-5 years younger than myself and I think it’s fantastic you are trying to do something about it before it just gets worse and worse... unfortunately that’s the reality of it and it seems you are understanding that.

It’s amazing how we are all different yet with this beast the story’s are almost identical and without strength and courage the story’s will never change.

Try not to dwell on the money while trying to learn to hang onto the good feelings you described in your last post.

We will get there stay strong!


So I am creeping up to 3 months gamble free and that is something I am very proud of. With that being said I am having my struggles. To be honest it’s not even really urges of gambling. I am having troubles with the debts I have created and coping with the mess I have created gambling for years. I feel very relieved and happy that if I keep going on this path I will be free and never have this same problem again.


That being said all the scars are still so fresh and I have to live with the fact that I have basically gone backwards in the last few years. If this illness hadn’t have progressed at my age I would be doing so very very good for myself. Now I am faced with a lot of debt and a sad truth of a large global recession approaching. This scares me because I don’t know how I’ll be able to claw out of debt. I have been lucky to make good money up until this point but I have fears of all of that ending. Just hard to sit with myself and think that if I hadn’t of done this I wouldn’t have any fears. I would be living comfortably and everything I have worked so hard for would have been worth it.


I now feel like the last 10 years have been wasted:(


"I now feel like the last 10 years have been wasted:("


That was a hard one for me ... still is in my more depressing moments - but what is a life if we don't learn from it? Sometimes the learning is longer and more painful than we would like - but I have learnt a lot about myself and about how to negotiate life because of my gambling ...


I don't think of my 10 years of gambling and another 10 of gambling whilst in recovery as "wasted" because it has taught me to shape my own life and to make it what I want to be. In gambling we are just reactive to an external stimulus (the horses on the screen or the odds!) To really live life, I believe we have to be pro-active.


Of course, we don't know what our lives would have been if we hadn't succumbed to the "gambling bug." Maybe something else (alcohol) would have got us. Maybe we would have gambled "normally" over several years and be just managing but not really have a life. Maybe we would have taken up windsurfing, had a bad accident and be in a wheelchair ... who knows!


As for the debts - yes I was there too - for far too many years. Anxious about repayments, living from payday to payday - always feeling I had to tighten my belt ... I think the serenity prayer works best here ... Can I change things to increase income or reduce expenses (I failed on the "negotiating with my creditors front!") Then acceptance - and find ways of living a good life on a limited income. Another life lesson!


Be more than happy on your 3 months - 90 days has a special place in the 12 step groups ... I think you get a pin. Go and buy or do something special for yourself. You deserve it!


I really appreciate those words. You are right what is life if we don’t learn from it. The bed feelings of that day have passed and I feel optimistic now that I stopped gambling for another day. I am working hard and will be able to beat this. 



I am am changing my mind frame and know that if I didn’t stop I would be fighting this for the rest of my life. When I really step back I know that I am still young and can still achieve lots in my life......ONLY if I stop now and thankfully I am.



thanks


Hello friend,


It’s been a while since I’ve checked in but I’m glad you’re still gambling free. While the idea of wasting the last 10 years of your life is understandable, please know it’s never a waste. Those 10 years might be difficult to swallow because of mistakes you made but it can be used as a learning experience. We all make mistakes, none of us are perfect. It’s just important we learn from our mistakes. Would you rather regret 10 years of gambling or 25 years? We can’t control the past but we can control the present, we can control right now. So as long as you’re living right now the way you want to, that’s what matters. Life is too short to be stuck on what mistakes we made before. That’s history, control what you can.

As far as my quit is concerned, I’m 113 days free of gambling. I’m not going to say it has been easy but one thing I did that helped A LOT was I gave my fiancé access to my bank account. That helped keep me accountable big time. She knows where all my money is going and ask questions if she’s unsure: I’m not the slightest bit mad either bc it’s helped my quit.

Life has been busy and that’s no excuse to not show up here more often but I do what I can. Stay strong and always push forward with a positive outlook.


Wishing you the best brother.


Well yesterday I passed the big 3 month milestone. To be honest I was very very happy about that moment. To Ben honest though my life has hit a rough patch. As I was celebrating my 3 months yesterday it was also my grandmas funeral which I couldn’t even attend because of the virus going around. Also times are very stressful with all that is going on with the virus shutting down workplaces. I have not been shut down yet but fear it will be any time now. And to be honest my gf of 5 years and I are going to be breaking up:( and I will be having to move ASAP. I am scared of any progress I have made will be diminished now.


All that being said my old ways I would have panicked and started to gamble again. I did not, I did not even think about it, other then the fact that I though how turned off of it I am. Funny because I actually gave myself a pat on the back when I realized it was my 3 months and said good job to myself. The only person that has known about this problem in my everyday life was my gf and she isn’t around anymore to tell. But I am just rolling with the punches of life and know I will be able to fight back if I avoid gambling....and I am.


Hello everyone


So I am happy to say that I am still clean since December 24 2019. I am very happy and proud of that number. To be honest with you I am back here because I was extremely close to gambling the other night. Lucky all my bet blockers I have set up kept me from being able to do so. Looking back on it I am so happy that it did. My mind was tricked into just do a little bit it will be ok. I sadly have been down that road and its never ok. Most days when my mind is strong I can keep away. Yesterday I was weak and would have crumbled but thankful for setting up blocks, they do work. I have been goin g through a very hard patch in my life. To be honest lots of it is set up from my gambling downfall. I also do realize I am slowly pulling myself up. With this 3 months I have realized I am regaining myself. My confidence and my inner piece is really starting to show. My ability to focus and put my mind on task is so much better and I am loving this.


Thanks for everyone that has read and followed. Piece and Love.


Well I am proud to say I am in the triple digits. Its a weird but great feeling. I have had urges in this time, simply because I have a lot of free time from the virus. I have been close to giving in but find that when my mind tries to give in I get up and get active. The other day I went for a nice long walk and got so much piece from it. I hope everyone is staying safe in this pandemic and staying gamble free.