Hi, i dunno how to do these but whatever

Im Nathan, im 19, im from Sydney Australia and i work at a casino. I have lost over 50,000 in the last 15 months from poker and gambling and currently still owe
20,000 with 15,000 to the bank and 5000 to friends. I have lied and stolen of my best friends multiple times without a second thought to gamble, then
i feel guillty and tell them later, this leading to a total lack of trust. I dont respect myself, and i know my friends dont respect me, and who can blame them?

Suicide crosses my mind regularly and i have come very close to actually doing it once, although i doubt i will fully ever act on these impulses it worries me
that i constantly think about them. My best friends dont trust me and have virtually no respect for me, they all get tired of trying to support me after
the same struggles over and over. I think breaking down in tears infront of one  of my very good friends was the worst about this, i just want to live my life.

Thanks for reading, enjoy.