I did it again... And for the last time, hopefully.
Hey, I was fine since 18th of November... But it started again, unfortunately.
I'm in debt and have literally no money whatsoever. It's terrible. Luckily most of the debt is already on an installment plan and I still have a lot of time to pay it back. The ammount isn't maybe THAT much, but it's an astronomical sum for me, given the fact I have no job and no income. Debts are a problem, for sure, but not the main one, which is addiction. I broke my decision and started gambling again. And this is the thing that causes all the harm...
At the moment, of course, I self-excluded myself from every website. Gamban is on too. I feel terrible about myself. Last time I told my parents about the problem, they helped me, but were very strict and angry and I am currently ashamed to tell them again - I feel like I need a few more days to get through all this mentally ando only after that I'll be able to tell them.
Okay, so my plan is:
- I need a part-time job and I need it badly, but this whole coronavirus thing really makes it hard. I don't really wanna go out since I don't want to infect my parents;
- I need to mentally get ready to tell them about all this mess;
- I need to ensure I will not fail at my university, I have quite a lot online work for it at the moment;
- I need to find out some way to help myself with the installment plan with my debts - make it possible to pay back.
- I need to seek out professional help... Gotta rethink where.
- And finally - I gotta stop gambling. Forever.
DAY 1 TODAY - 24/03/2020
I hope this will be a real new start. Please write a post here if you've read it - I really need psychological support right now... Your comment will really matter!