I did it again... And for the last time, hopefully.

Hey, I was fine since 18th of November... But it started again, unfortunately.


I'm in debt and have literally no money whatsoever. It's terrible. Luckily most of the debt is already on an installment plan and I still have a lot of time to pay it back. The ammount isn't maybe THAT much, but it's an astronomical sum for me, given the fact I have no job and no income. Debts are a problem, for sure, but not the main one, which is addiction. I broke my decision and started gambling again. And this is the thing that causes all the harm...


At the moment, of course, I self-excluded myself from every website. Gamban is on too. I feel terrible about myself. Last time I told my parents about the problem, they helped me, but were very strict and angry and I am currently ashamed to tell them again - I feel like I need a few more days to get through all this mentally ando only after that I'll be able to tell them.


Okay, so my plan is:

- I need a part-time job and I need it badly, but this whole coronavirus thing really makes it hard. I don't really wanna go out since I don't want to infect my parents;

- I need to mentally get ready to tell them about all this mess;

- I need to ensure I will not fail at my university, I have quite a lot online work for it at the moment;

- I need to find out some way to help myself with the installment plan with my debts - make it possible to pay back.

- I need to seek out professional help... Gotta rethink where.

- And finally - I gotta stop gambling. Forever.


DAY 1 TODAY - 24/03/2020


I hope this will be a real new start. Please write a post here if you've read it - I really need psychological support right now... Your comment will really matter!


Just to say..

I hear you.

I know how it feels.

I don't have the answers.

Try to take a deep breath. Indeed several deep breaths.

The damage is done.

It can be repaired in time.

Don't take any major risks.

Perhaps you are entitled to a reprieve with your bank/lender due to Covid-19.

Check it out.

Let this be your wake up call.

It has been a wake up call for me too and I'm sure for many others.

Treat yourself for shock.

Keep posting.


Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums


Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!


Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.


As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)


And on that note....


I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you :-)


Take care


The Gambling Therapy Team



PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!


Welcome to the start of your new life vocemfata. You are going to rewire your mind this moment you read this message. Stay committed to this forum and spend some time reading people testimonials on this website.

You going to get through this. Keep your mind focusing on positive thinking and treat yourself with compassionate words and thoughts. Be thankful for your life and health.

Keep your journal. It is your life

Keep on keeping on


DAY 2 TODAY - 24/03/2020


(last day was 23, I made a mistake)


I was working a lot today, doing some copywriting stuff. Didn't earn a lot, unfortunately, cause they are paying like shit. I played with my friends a bit too and I am about to watch some movie and later write about it. I feel good today, although my problems are still valid. I want to work quite a lot right now to get the money to repay the debt.


I started searching for more copywriting jobs and got a few interesting offers. They pay terribly, but they pay and that's important. New jobs will hopefully be a bit more profitable.


No gambling-related thought today, which is fine I guess.  


DAY 3 TODAY - 25/03/2020


Didn't do that much today. I worked a bit, did some university stuff, played one CS:GO game. I'm about to do some Netflix Party with my friends and later on either do some interesting texts if some will be available or keep on doing university stuff.


For the next few days I'd like to focus on my debts and make a plan to solve this problem. I will write here every day how many characters with spaces of paid texts (if any) I have written. Of course my main priority is to end with all gambling.


I got my first long time order - I will be writing texts for a guy, the price for 1k characters is not that terrible, probably around 10-15k characters per month. Still, it's something, isn't it? Wish me luck. Tomorrow I will speak with some debt-advisor and try to figure out my solutions to the problem.


Today I wrote: 7k paid characters.


I feel kinda terrible, I don't really know why. Maybe because my financial perspectives are grim? Probably that's why. Anyway, I'm working hard and doing everything to break with gambling forever.


I'm okay, working quite hard which is, as I found out, a great way to fight with gambling urge! On my free time I play games with friends and read a lot and watch movies and TV series (which are my hobbies, so it's good to have time to explore them!). Unfortunately I have a lot work for university, and thus I don't have that much free time...


The main problem I have is lack of copywriting jobs - before the pandemic on a few platforms I am registered in there were hunderds of available jobs, but now not only there are none or almost none, but also the rates went down and I earn a lot less then I used to. (Even though I write a lot more). Getting one stable, monthly order (about 25k characters per month) is a success, but I am really worried about stabilising my financial situation. For example today I barely got any article - luckily it was an expert article about COVID-19, so it paid well and I earned more then I needed. But tomorrow and the day after... It looks grim...


Any ideas guys how to work from home? Just don't post MLMs, cause they are shit.