I don't know what to do lost everything

I have recenly been found out I was gambling behind my husbands back for the last year and a half I have lost everything because of this he has decided to leave me and says he hates me for what I have done I've come on here for help and support but I just don't know what to do I suffer from depression and have for around the last too years so am feeling very low and don't know what to do I have not gambled since Friday which I know is only a few days but I just want my family back together I have ruined it all and feel like I don't know how to carry on anymore


I'm really sorry to hear what has happened - and I know you want your family back together - but the way to do this is to focus on yourself.


You need to stop gambling - read the stories here and look at the "recovery tools" part of the website to see how to do this. But in a nutshell you need to lose access to places where you gamble, access to the money to gamble with and fill the time with non gambling things. You also need very good support for yourself. If you are feeling suicidal, please contact a helpline in the country you are in, Samaritans in the UK for instance.

If you focus on your own recovery and show your husband that you are working on this and can be trusted again (and that may take a long time) then your relationship may heal.

If you can get to one of the support group meetings - especially those for new members - you will be able to get more specific advice. Or tell us more about yourself here to get more responses. I wish you well.


Yes I have done tha self exclusion and gamban and I am waiting on my first assesment for phone call therapy and have put a block on my bank so I can't do it any more I am Tring to concentrate on my self I just hate myself for what I have done and caused


There is an old adage about loving people which is that I love YOU but I don't love YOUR behaviour.  I think it is really important to seperate the two things out. 


You have a problem behaviour that causes you to gamble - but YOU are NOT just your behaviour.  Love and support the YOU that is making changes, getting support, blocking yourself from gambling.  That shows that you value YOU.


So please don't hate yourself.  Hate the problem behaviour.  You need to love and support yourself through this.  Give yourself treats, be gentle with yourself - what is done is in the past, leave it there and move forwards into a new part of your life as a recovering gambler - and soon to be a non-gambler.  Love yourself for that - not for past behaviours.  I wish you well.


I am trying to do this to look to the future which is hard as I also suffer with depression which really drags me down I am trying so hard


I am at a stage where I've stopped and am doing everything in My power to stay away from it but I don't have the support of the people I love all I have is people hating me


I know it is no where near the same as having your family to support you, but you do have support here from people who have been in similar situations and know that it is the "gambling behaviour" to blame for what has happened and not you as a person.


Please be kind to yourself in this difficult time.  There are support groups here and on other on-line sites if you feel the need to reach out. 


Thank you for your kind messiges of support it means alot and I hope I can work my way through this 


Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums


Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!


Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.


As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)


And on that note....


I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you :-)


Take care


The Gambling Therapy Team



PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!


Hi Ruthus

Steev has given you down very good advice.

You have a gambling addiction- you didn’t ask for it - and it’s horrible to feel driven to gamble when you really just want a normal life.


Steev is right - focus on not gambling but also on you. Have compassion for the person who has been trapped in this horrible gambling cycle, frightened of other finding out , trying to stop and trying to hide it, trying to win and devastated by losses, struggling to make ends meet while all the time deceived my the empty promise of a big win.


Have compassion for yourself and treat yourself with kindness . Accept all the help you can get and focus completely on stoping gambling - others things will fall back into place once you have the addiction under control.


Well done on seeking help and stay strong - you have a whole community here to support you x


Thank you so much for all your words of support it means alot when I am finding things so hard at the moment


Thank you so much for all your words of support it means alot when I am finding things so hard at the moment


Hang in there Ruthus - it gets easier !


Good advice you have already received. go easy on yourself it is an illness. Hopefully overtime your family will forgive and support you. We are all here for you stay strong


Yes I have now not gambled for a week and trying my best at it and yes I hope and hoped that in time things would calm down but I've been told my relationship is over for good xx


That doesn’t sound like the support you deserve at this time.


Put yourself 100% first - and your recovery.


You are doing so well x


No it's very hard as I haven't gamble for a week as I said but dealing with it all at the same time hurts


It’s is incredibly hurtful.

Treat yourself with compassion and kindness .

You didn’t set out to do wrong - we just have an addiction which punishes us as much as anyone

.

Your husband is angry right now - when he calms down things may improve.


Yes it is incredibly hurtful and as I am Trrying to work through this it is hard to deal with it all in one go I didn't set out to do wrong at all and I can't treat myself with kindness and compassion as I am hurting and feel so awful and so much guilt and hate for myself and what I have done


Ruthus - perhaps you should go onto the one to one helpline for a chat ? It might help .


Yes I just don't know what to do maybe I should


Hi Ruthus

How are things today ?


Still a mess I am emotionally shot at my husband still won't talk to me says he hates me and can't get past it but I haven't gambled for 9 days in trying so hard


Well done Ruthus -keep focusing on your recovery. It’s a very difficult time for you so treat yourself with kindness.


Perhaps give you husband some space -let him come looking for you?


9 days is really good - are you in the U.K. ? Perhaps there is other support you can avail of ?


Thank you yes I am trying to consentatre on my recovery and getting my self better from my depression too and I have done we don't even speak I've done everything I can to try prove my self and I have stopped the gambling and yes I'm in UK currently waiting for therapy to start I hope they can help with my mood n how I feel aswell as the gambling I just feel so defeated and lost


There is a support group on here in fifteen minutes - can you join and you can talk to people in real time ?


I tryed joining one the other day but no one else joins it


Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement and trying to help me with my situation it means alot


That happens sometimes but if you wait online people often join in. I will try get into group tonight


Yes I will try it n see how it goes thank youb


Hi Ruthus, it was good to talk to you last night in group and I hope today finds you well.

These are difficult times - and as I would normally say look to find a support group or counselor - as much of the world is closed down this, for many, isn't possible right now.

So keep checking in with people. Keep in contact and let us know how things are going with you.

If you can get into group tonight, there are some moderated groups starting at 7pm UK time ... which means there will always be someone there for you to talk to.

Take good care of yourself.


Nice to meet u yesterday. As steev says, for some of us girls who GA was never suitable, And we did try, this site, it’s programmes and support has been the thing that made the difference to becoming gambling free.it works and helps, as does journaling.

I am now two years 8 months gf, it is possible and I was in a terrible state when I stopped for a while. But it does pass.


Wow you are doing so well that is brilliant its great to see how well people are doing and hoping I can get out of this dark hole I am in at the moment 10 days today


Good day Ruth just read your journal and I am proud of your accomplishment thus far. You are in good care with positive people like Steev Jane aka *I did i" and Ryan they have been where you are in terms of gambling and the feelings attached to it.


You are your 11 day and you are going to start living your best life now. You are going to focus on the goodness of your life. You are going to be positive about your life now. Your self healing and recovery starts the moment you are reading this message. You are going to remain strong and continue to be focus on your health. Your health is your greatest wealth. 


Be thankful for your response and I am thankful to read your positive progress. 


Keep on keeping on.