I feel for you. You say you don’t know what to do. What you NEED to do is to stop gambling. If you read the posts on this thread you will see what the steps are – but I think the best thing you can do is to contact Gamblers’ Anonymous. There are 4 meets a week in SD – 1 in Spanish … more details here: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/locations/state/table/CA/San%20Diego/na/na/na/10?#gmap-nodemap-gmap0

Local people are more likely to be able to help in your situation. If you have had access to $250,000 then I would assume you have been in a good job in the past and maybe able to pull yourself up there again. I hope so. You will need good support and I hope that GA will help. I wish you well.

I don’t come on here as often as I do but last night I decided to come to the forum and your story was the first one I noticed from the caption and so I opened it up. After reading it I would think there would be more people here on this forum who would chime in but I suppose this place isn’t like it was before. Anyways, I read your story from top to bottom and it reminded me of mine, and every other compulsive gambler that I’ve met in here, in ga, and in my life. It could bring a tear to my eyes because well, I could have wrote the exact post, Matter of fact, I did. Inevitably we have to lose every cent in our name, we have to lose ourselves, we have to lose our minds, in order to stop gambling. Gambling is an evil disease that unless you’re a compulsive gambler, will never understand. The time we have wasted in casinos, or betting on our phones, the endless times we have missed birthdays, anniversaries, meetings, meals, bathroom breaks, social gatherings, just to gamble. I feel your pain in every sentence and I want you to know you are not alone. I like you, lost everything as well, around 40k of borrowed cash from the bank, over 15k borrowed from parents, and around 100k+ of savings in around 8-10 years of gambling on and off. Lost a business, lost a gf, lost myself, and lost my dignity and self worth. We have to take it one day at a time man, we have to want to quit gambling, as bad as we wanted to gamble. We have to have motivation from within, a purpose to quit. For you, I think your daughter would be your purpose, and also getting your old job position where you can save money again, but I promise you will never get it shall yoy continue to gamble. I would tell you to go to ga and councilling, but I’m not going to sit here and tell you it works, I’ve relapsed so many times after ga ahd counselling . I think until you really want to stop, those things won’t do jack. I am sitting here now 4 months and 8 days gamble free, with a new job, a new outlook on life, and watching my gambling debt go down with every pay I get. You too can do that; if I can right? We are both human. I never thought I would stop. And I can’t promise I’ll stay stopped for life, because gambling is a life long battle. I am sending all of my prayers and strength your way to keep fighting; keep pushing forward, keep thinking how happy you were before gambling, spending time with your family without the stress of placing a bet. Working hard and saving money and buying nice things, experiencing life’s pleasures; without the stress of placing a bet, losing monthly salaries in a matter of hours.. think of this feeling if you get an urge…it’s not worth it. You’re 40.. you have time to rebuild. You know how much can change in 5 years, you can have it all back. More so the money, you can have your life back. I’m rooting for you, I know you have it in you to stop. God bless you 

My pleasure, it is within us to stop. when it seems like life is not worth living, just remember, your life is worth living. You are stronger than gambling, you can achieve great things, you know you can because you have already. Tomorrow willl be one step closer to happiness, and the day after that will be one step closer than the day before. Take it day by day. It will take time, but you will get there, and you will look back at this as a bad memory, that you made it out on top. I will leave you with this quote someone posted here a long while back: it stuck with me.

It is a tough journey..but it is still a journey and with the right frame of mind it can actually be an enjoyable one. Great stories are not those of smooth rides through life, but great stories are those of people who have overcome difficult challenges. Bit by bit, I am writing a great story. 

write Your story brother. 

never stop believing.

Hello Zed and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

We’re similar, I’ve spent 250k+ in the last 10 years and still have 40K debt. I’m barely clinging to paying rent, food, etc for the family every month and the debts I have my wife doesn’t even know about. I’m scared to lose them when or if they find out. Reason why I don’t tell them is because there’s nothing they can do to help me, I would just be passing my pain onto them when it’s mine to own. I’d rather they live happy because I know I can fix this if I just STOP GAMBLING.

All of our problems can be fixed with time if we just stop gambling. It sounds easy to say and I know we’ve all had our stints then go back to it but what I can tell you is that you need GA my friend, you can’t do this on your own. You will just keep thinking about the debt, the life you could’ve had and watching people around you be happy and look like they have no problem in the world.

GA will give you a fellowship of friends that are all going through the same thing and keep you away from gambling, you can share your thoughts and build new friends and pass through the challenge together.

3 weeks ago when I first stopped, I wanted to neck myself and end it all. 3 weeks later I’m feeling positive again even though I’ve spent all this money and have all this debt. This is because happiness doesn’t come from money or gambling but how you feel in the present and how you value and respect yourself. If you keep going back to gambling you will never respect or love yourself again and when you can’t even do that with yourself its impossible to do it with your child or anyone.

We often think about our children, loved ones or family etc after a loss of gambling. This is because the loss humbles us and we want to do better by everyone etc but the moment things get “good” again, we’ll gamble again. It’s an illness, a progressive one that doesn’t stop until it has swamped up everything in your life. However, it all starts with a decision that you control. I suggest picking up old good habits and working on improving your career. I firmly believe GA will help anyone in this crisis. I can’t think of any better support group as counsellors may not even be gamblers … they don’t get it but sitting with people that have been through it all is really good. I used to think GA would be junkies or meth heads but it’s actually very intelligent people who have a real serious problem with gambling. Trust me, things will get better if you just stop. All the money and stuff you’ve lost is gone, accept it. I’ve lost everything too but it’s sure as shit not going to keep me shackled for the rest of my life. We have one life and it’s time we start living it for the sake of ourselves and everyone around us. Good luck.

Mark wrote: “All of our problems can be fixed with time if we just stop gambling.”

Well as someone who struggled to stop gambling for over 10 years but now has 10+ years gambling free – I wish I was so certain.

I only managed to stop when I put as much time and effort into my recovery as I did into my gambling. That not only meant going to GA on a regular basis, but getting counselling and being involved in self-help groups as well.

Gambling is a form of wearing blinkers. When we gamble we see nothing further than the next bet. We hide away from the past and don’t look out to the future. Once we stop – the reality of where we are hits us and that can be painful.

It is true that most counsellors are not former gamblers. I am and I know of one or two others, but we are all trained in helping people to look at their lives with honesty and giving them support when that becomes difficult (which it usually does.) Also, counselling and psychiatry are totally different ways of working – so someone who has only seen a psychiatrist has no experience of counselling.

Mark is right – the important thing is to stop gambling, that is the first step. But then you need to stay stopped. You need to work through why gambling is trying to pull you back into your old life and not allowing you to be free – to live the life you want and deserve. That is where counselling helped me. I now lead a totally different life in which gambling has no place. I want to be able to show it can be done and to give hope to others who are struggling with this behavior.

Keep posting and letting us know where you are on your journey. People here will support when we can. I wish you well.

Hi Zed
I gambled for a decade and with the right help I have been able to stop.
I am still having counselling which I feel would be helpful for you, especially as you had a difficult childhoods .
The thing to remember is that you can recover and that relapse isn’t inevitable.

Perhaps you will make it to some of the chat groups where you will get help with setting barriers which make it difficult to gamble .

The urges to gamble can be extremely strong but if you ride them they will eventually stop.

Keep strong and believe that you deserve recovery

Hi Steev,

I read your post/comment and am lookig for help. Long story short I have been gambling for only one year. Despite it only being a year I know I’ve been completely consumed by online blackjack and sportsbetting. My wife and family recognize this and I know it too. Recently I sufferred a big loss and broke down to my wife. The problem is that even with that loss I am still in the positive on gambling. Part of me thinks that I am lucky for that and to get out while still ahead as reading some people’s posts show me how fortunate of a position i am in. However another part just won’t let these thoughts about gambling die down. Even though big picture I am up, I can’t help but feel like I’m down after my recent loss and I just want to get it back before stopping. another part of me just wants to go back to the fun/recreational way of gambling which is how it was when i first started. Reading these forums I know that most likely I wont be able to just go the recreational way and that it would be a gateway towards the all consuming gambling that i had been doing and that if that contnued, i can end up in a similarly unfortunate position as many others on this forum. However, its been about three weeks since that loss and i have gambled and i I just can’t seem to kick these thoughts and the feeling that I am down (even though I’m not) or that I will be able to restart and control myself this time. Any advice would be appreciated

Hi Staystrong.  I will reply elsewhere as I don’t want to clutter up someone else’s thread.  I can’t see a thread from you – but if you want responses from others it might be as well to start one. 🙂