I want to quit but how do i stop chasing my losses?

Hi everyone,


I am new here and wish to seek advice on how to stop this habit that has been chipping away at my sanity. I have lost 10k in online football betting, and want to quit. However, I can't stop obsessing over my losses and what I could have done with the money (e.g. going for a nice family holiday, getting stuff for my wife etc.).


To share a little on my story, the reason I created an online betting account was actually just to try my luck on the weekly lottery. It was always a longshot, but after a relative hit it big and won about 800k, i decided to give it a go. Unfortunately, the same lottery site also offered online football betting, which I thought would be an easy side income. I was up 5k within the first few weeks, but slid into a loss of 2k, then 3k. This was the turning point because i was devasted when iI first lost the 3k. I panicked, cried, and wanted to come clean to my wife. But it was also at this point when i became desensitised to my losses. But I decided to buck up and chase my losses. My wins were always followed by greater losses as I rushed to chase the money I lost. I saw my losses grew from 2k, to 3k, 5k, 8k, and now I am sitting here today with a total loss of 10k. What scares me is that I even dreamt about losing our entire savings and committing suicide. The entire suicide just played out in my dream, and that was unsettling to say the least.


I have a good job and bring home about $6k a month, and I am not in debt. However, the 10k accounts for half our savings. She doesn't know about my gambling habit and i have no intention to tell her as I know it will break all trust between us. We have no major purchases or expenses coming up, so I can keep this under wraps as long as I can stop.


I have thought long and hard about this and I KNOW I must stop. I believe I can stop gambling, but the biggest issue is I can't stop obesessing over the 10k lost and what i could have done with it. I am the type of person who would think twice or more about major a purchase about $500, yet there I am having gambled away 10k of our savings like an idiot.


How can i stop thinking about my losses? I have read advice telling people to just accept that the money is lost and won't ever return, but how? I just can fathom. Help.


Maybe try to look at it like this, it the way I fathom it.


First and foremost it is gone, no two ways about it.


Its like grieving for a lost relative...some people just can not come to terms with it. They will mourn for many weeks and months, get depressed, develop what seems to others a couldn't care less attitude lose the will to live even.


Others can accept and move on. Because they realise that the person is definitely gone, for some it may require counselling, to get them to be able to accept. But once they have accepted the person is gone they can get on with their own lives a lot better and progress through life.


When people cant fully accept the person is gone it will hamper so many things as they move forward in life.


It's not just a case of trying to forget..it is a case of accepting, which understandably dosn't just happen over night. At times we all need a hand to accept certain things.


I have to accept for me its time to go to work so have to rush now, when I'd have liked to have written so much more.


Hi Geordie, tks for taking the time to give advice before rushing off. That's a pretty apt analogy you gave, and i think it makes a lot of sense. In a way i suppose I'm 'grieving' over the loss now. This reminds me of about 18 years ago when i first started betting on football. I was still a student then and lost about 2k which was meant for my studies, and this was a large sum for a student back in 1999/2000. After the loss, i never gambled, not even for fun when i'm with friends. Time healed that wound, but I guess it also made me forget how painful that loss was. I hope I will have the stength and determination to see through this period of 'mourning' and give up this destructive habit for life now..


I think it's what we all strive for.


But to me I hope it will never be any harder than getting through one day. Today. Tomorrow will soon be today, worry about that when it gets here.


It's an awful addiction to get on top of as you know. Learning to accept is one of the hardest things.


Well done for looking for help.


Thanks for your words of encouragement Geordi. I've gone through today without gambling, but my mind still drifts back to the 10k frequetly. Hopefully it will get better with time. I'm spent most of today reflecting and trying to find the silver lining. Hopefully I can use this experience to change myself for the better.


Hi Semaj, each time I hit a new low I would dwell on it. Until I had money again. And then I would chase those losses, forgetting about the fact that what I was doing was exactly how I got them. I've met a former lotto winner here. He gambled away his lotto win. Because really it's the gambling that has us hooked. I guess my point is, each time we hit a new low we dwell on what we have lost. It represents things we could have bought or done or ways we could have stopped doing the crap job we don't like or so many other options. But when we were stuffing it all in a slot machine or placing it on a number on line it i didn't represent any of those things. If you keep going $10,000 would be but a small price to pay to be able to look at gambling addiction in your rear view mirror! It will mostly likely be so much more. So by not betting that next dollar just think how much you are saving! You didn't chose to be an addict but you can chose recovery. Stay strong,

Laura


Thanks for your encouragement Laura. I absolutely agree and it's just so scary how I didn't see the value of the money I was throwing away. I would put 2k in a single bet without batting an eyelid, when I would have had put in so much thought if I want to purchase something of the same value. Anyway I've been over reading your Journal and I could feel your struggle with gambling as well. It hasn't been an easy journey for u, and I hope you manage to get thru eventually as well. Hang in there Laura!


Hello,


From Someone who had it all then lost it all and awaiting to be taken to hospital because of suicidal tendencies.


Think now. What if I am 20k or 30k or 50k down, which could happen. Then you would wish that you had hot out at just 10k losses.


I know from experience. Please read my journal and please don't go down the same route.


Stop now please


Hi J, I've just been over at your Journal and wow... you have really been dragged thru hell and I don't think I would be able to go thru what u have experienced. Your experience has really given me some perspective, and I really hope u hang in there. Soldier on brother in uniform, and hopefully we will get thru this together.


Day 3 and the withdrawal hit me hard. My mind kept drifting back to how I had always managed to win back half my losses before it all collapses again. So what if I could do it again? I could win back at least 5k and bid my time for the next sure-win bets to come. There is so much I can do with 5k!


But just as I was about to go looking, it dawned upon me that each recovery was also followed by a greater fall. I could be down 20k by this time tmr and that would have broken me.


Continue with the recovery Semaj, and take it one day at a time. One day at a time. Hang in there.


If or when your mind drifts back to when you've won half your money back in the past, have a look at your current situation also. Then ask yourself how did those "wins" effect your life.


You've done well to stop and question yourself, and you've done well to get through these last couple of days without gambling too.


Full credit to you for standing tall against your addiction.


You are being very honest with yourself I think. You might win, yeah, but so what? Havn't you had wins in the past?


You're still here because you need help. Previous wins have never saved or fixed you, maybe just prolonged your gambling and postponed your recovery a little longer.


The money you've lost I reckon will still come back to haunt you until you can fully accept that its gone.


Well done on what you've achieved so far.


Keep going Semaj,


your future depends on it! JacquesPaul post is a testament that our lives can depend on it in the end. Just for today I will not gamble. One day at a time!

Have a great day,

Laura


It’s great that you have come to the realisation that you would like to stop mate, if today you say you want to stop. I hope for you tommrow you see the back of the online gambling site forever.


But the main thing is you have realised this is not for u, if u can exclude your self from the site. If you have someone you can trust tell them about it and start the journey to being gamble free.


I got sucked right back in on Day 5. One promising bet that won me 1k was enough to send me down the rabbit hole once again. I won, but at the same time it felt like i lost. For some reason, i felt sick in the stomach even though i won. Over the past few days, i re-lived the euphroia of winning and the sickening low of losses from unexpected results. As of today, my total losses are 12k. It's 2k more than when i first came here, but at this point i've become so desensitised i don't feel the pain. And this scares me.


When I won over the past few days, i felt like i could keep going forever, and i felt oblighted to keep going. Sometimes i think that, subconsciously, i actually want to lose. It felt like my objective was to gamble until I lost it everything instead of winning. It's like I 'wanted' to lose so that i could finally stop. So that i could finally rest.


I start again today. I skipped tonight's string of matches. One day at a time.


Have you considered getting a gambling blocker for your phone and you laptop. I use betfilter for phone and there are many for laptop.

It means that you can't gamble and this helps squash the urges to gamble when they come .

It is so hard to stop and to be honest even harder to stop when you have savings .

You can keep chasing it - very hard not to - or just stop and think that in a number of months you will have the savings restored - it's really up to you Semaj- once we cross the line into addictive gambling - we never win again- we can never withdraw because no win is ever big enough - and in the rare occasion when we do withdraw , we just think we can do it again and go back for more.

Make no mistake Semaj- this is a very tough addiction and many people on here wish we could go back and stop after a 12k loss- and most of us earn nothing close to 5k per month . This addiction will take everything you own- everything !

Take every step you can right now Semaj - compulsive gambling only gets worse, even more addictive and even more painful.

I hope you find my post helpful/ this addiction is scary !


Thanks for your advice i-did-it. I think you're right that it's hard not to chase the losses when I've savings to tap on, but you're also spot on that if stopped now, I could have my savings up again. The hardest bit for me was thinking what I could have done with the 12k I lost. But these days, I try to think about what I still can do with the money I have, and how I wouldn't be able to do all that if I simply gambled it away. There's still time to stop. Just need to take it one day at a time.


When I started gambling I was very cheap. I didn't like to lose ten dollars! But I liked taking money out. That did not last long however! Within months I was spending $100s a week. I stopped gambling for approximately six months due to hospitalization for major surgery and not being able to get out. Online gambling is illegal here so I don't trust them! Once I was able to get out and gamble again I became a menace making up for lost time! It escalated so fast that I could lose thousands and not blink until it was all gone. Then I'd obsess about my losses and how I could gamble again. Until I had nothing left financially. Even if I "won" I'd lose it all again. Glad to have you back! It means you are not in action. I hope you can protect what you have left. Use whatever means of help you can get. One day at a time. No gambling today for me. Laura


Hi Laura, tks for your advice. It was really the same for me. I started out with bets of 50 , then 100, 500, and now 1k to 2k without even hesitating. I'm willing to try again and I'll succeed this time. Just gotta take it one day at a time.


Im now in a mental hospital with a doubtful future. I'm a prisoner of my own making through gambling. If you continue you may/Will go down The same path, depression and suicidal tendencies go hand in hand with CG in the end phase.

Please stop look around, you are free and need to make the choice to remain sane and be part of society and live a normal life. That has now gone for me atm but may get it back and I will cherish even the small things if I do.

Get software gamban on your devices. It cost just a little and let someone else administrate and install it to ensure you can't have access to any gambling sites. I have it now albeit far too late in the day to save me from terrible situations I will now have to face.

Get a trusted person to purchase and install 100%.


Tks for your msg Jacquespaul. I will def look into the software. I do hope you get better soon. I am trying to turn my life around, and i believe all the advice and encouragement I receive here will help. Let's all do this together.


In football punting, it was a match between 2 teams and casino bacarrat game, it was a gamble between banker and player.


We will win some and lose some. The winning streaks sometime can be long and sometime it can be short. I am sure you have experience this many times but what is common with the two was the ending, it is always the same.


At some point, you will lose self control and do not want to walk away. That is when you want some more and some more of it. This is when we could not walk away from something that is harmful to ourselves.


I found this in the topic forum, hope you find it useful.

Can a CG ever become a controlled gambler?

Discussion Points

What personal beliefs do you hold about this?

Have you ever tried, if so what was the outcome?

Do you know of anyone who has successfully achieved this?


The story was about a mountain climber, who wanted to climb the highest mountain. He began his adventure after many years of preparation, but since he wanted the glory just for himself, he decided to climb the mountain alone.


The night felt heavy in the heights of the mountains, and the man could not see anything. All was black. Zero visibility, and the moon and the stars were covered by the clouds.


As he was climbing, only a few feet away from the top of the mountain, he slipped and fell into the air, falling at a great speed. The climber could only see black spots as he went down, and the terrible sensation of being sucked by gravity. He kept falling... and in those moments of great fear, it came to his mind all the good and bad episodes of his life. He was thinking now about how close death was getting, when all of a sudden he felt the rope tied to his waist pull him very hard.


His body was hanging in the air. Only the rope was holding him, and in that moment of stillness he had no other choice but scream, "HELP ME GOD!!". All of a sudden, a deep voice coming from the sky answered, "What do you want Me to do?"

"Save me God!!"

"Do you really think I can save you?"

"Of course I believe You can."

"Then cut the rope tied to your waist."

There was a moment of silence and the man decided to hold on to the rope with all his strength.

The rescue team found the climber dead and frozen on the next day...his body hanging from a rope - His hands holding tight to the rope only 10 feet away from the ground.


When are you going to let go of the gambling?


Chapter 1


I walk down the street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I fall in. I am lost. I am hopeless, It take forever to find a way out.


Chapter 2


I walk down the same street , There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I pretend I dun see it, I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But I believe it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.


Chapter 3


I walk down the same street , There is a deep hole in the sidewalk , I see it is there, I still fall in, it‘s a habit. I know where I am, It is my fault. I get out immediately


Chapter 4


I walk down the same street , There is a deep hole in the sidewalk , I walk around it


Chapter 5


I walk down another street.


Where are you now?


1. I need money to gamble.

2. I need a place to gamble

3. I need time to gamble.

Setting up barriers against them was the easy part. It stops me from gambling when I could not do it myself.

I can force myself to stop gambling but nothing else about me has change. If nothing about me change, nothing changes.


What is it like in the past?

I force myself to stop gambling but nothing else about me change, my belief still remain the same.

I believe that if I could wait patiently for the opportunity, pick the right football match to gamble, I can win money. I have done it many times. I don’t think that I was wrong.

I also believe that I can gamble like a normal person and stop at will. I will hit the winning and run, I will do control gambling.

What happen?

I manage to stop gambling but I could not stay stop gambling for long. I keep falling back into the same hole.

What is it like now?

I believe that I was wrong. I believe that my belief was wrong. That is exactly what the bookie and casino want me to think and feel, as long as I think and feel that I can win the gamble in football, I will return one day, if I continue gambling, the bookie and casino knew they will win in the end.

Winning is a trap, it just lead to periods of compulsive gambling. A compulsive gambler can never gamble like a normal person.

When I stop gambling, I stop losing money. I did not sacrifice any winning opportunities because I never win in gambling in the end. There was no winning, I only lose, sometime sooner, sometime later, the truth and ending is always the same.

I don’t want to lose a single dollar to the bookie and casino anymore and I don’t wish to fall into their trap. I shall remain total abstinent in all form of gambling today.

I only need to stop gambling today. Tomorrow I do the same.

Recovery is a one day at a time program (ODAAT).


Hi Kin, thank you for the advice, insightful parable and autobiography of an addict. I believe I have just passed chapter 3, and I desperately want to move on to chapters 4 and 5.


What you've said makes a lot of sense, and is something that is true to me. I wait for the perfect matches to come; I've done it before and won, so what could go wrong? I suppose the answer is everything because, as you've said, he truth is that I'll always lose. Sooner or later, I always lose . I'll take your advice to heart. I only need to stop gambling today. Tomorrow I do the same. ODAAT.


Hello. Please stop chasing any loses as You will fall deeper and deeper into turmoil and darkness. I know the 12k lose seems like a lot, and it is but there is hardly any chance of recovering and then stopping. (It Will not happen). That is the nature of a CG.

I know, I have been there and am living proof along with others who have advised you that this will certainly be the outcome. I thought it wouldn't happen to me and didn't take heed of others advice and now I know I really really should have.

Please please don't be like me and stop now and live a free life. I wish I had...


Hi Jacquespaul, thank you for the timely reminder. I always think it wouldn't happen to me either. I tot i won't lose as long as I made carefully calculated bets, n only betted on the sure-win matches. If only that were true. I will work towards living a free live. Thank you Jacquespaul, and I hope u make a speedy recovery as well.


Day 3 of my restart and withdrawal starts to kick in. Began some introspection after reading some posts and realised that my CG began a few months after being diagnosed with depression which stemmed from a mixture of work and family issues. Not sure if theres a relation though. Ive also been drinking nightly for the past few months so that I could stay asleep thru the night. I know it's unhealthy, and on retrospect, drinking made me gamble more recklessly while I still gambled. But these days it helps take my mind off it and the worry of money problems. Gotten keep the drinking in check eventually. Least it's been another clean day. ODAAT.


Hi Semaj

Another clean day is a day to celebrate. Some of us are hooked or drawn in from the first time we gamble. I think I liked it way too much even though I was a very cautious and cheap gambler in the beginning. I look at gambling the same as other forms of addiction, like drugs, alcohol, food, etc. The same issues that drive people to numb themselves or maybe make themselves feel better can drive us to any of those things. I think gambling is in some ways is an addiction that allows us to keep functioning for a long time. The signs are not as easy to see. The physical impacts are harder to spot. We may be stressed, agitated, angry, when we lose and we run out of money, but we find other things in life to blame that on. We can keep making this worse. j


I'm glad you made it through another day. I hope today is going well also!


take care,

Laura


What is your situation now.

Hope You have stopped in time.


Kind regards

Paul j


Thanks for your advice and for checking in Laura and Paul. I've managed to stave off the urge to gamble. I realised yesterday that i only have about 1k left in my account after paying off the recent bills, and that helped keep me clean and off gambling. The next big test will be when my salary and year end bonus gets credited next week, but I feel I should be able to stay clean.


I can feel my head clearing a little, and able to focus better on other interests and keeping my mind off gambling. Sure hopes this persists.


Hi Semaj,


Well doneon staving off those urges.


What can you do before payday? What barriers can you put in place so that your wages will be less of a temptation for you? Get those barriers in place and payday just becomes like any other day.


Keep posting.


They say the best advice in recovery is always the one we didn't want to hear.


The one who progress in recovery are usually not the smartest and intelligent one, it is always the one who is willing to be humble and follow simple instruction.


The master has spoken. Charles offer very important direction.


My ways don't work.


Hi Semaj,


Charles does offer good advice. Do something to protect your money from your CG self. Somehow that self becomes very persuasive when there is money available. Compulsive.


It was really good to see your post. And to know that you were still fighting the fight.

Laura