I'm a compulsive gambler for 14years and i lost everything

I'm 38years old and im a compulsive gambler i have been playing for 14years and lost huge amount of money. The first time i gambled was in 2007 when

i was in a holiday in Moscow at that it was fun cos i used to play just a little amount of money. When i got back to my country i started going to a casino

near my house the problem was i was going daily with 100euro in my pocket sometimes i used to go out with something more and most of the times with nothing

I used to write everything down loses and wining. started in June 2007 till December 2007 i had lost a total of 14,700 euro and that was a shock for me and

i decided to sign out from all casino for a year so that i have time to calm down. But it didnt work out after the year passed i started going again to try to get

my money back and that was the worst decision that i took from Decemder 2008 till March 2009 I was under an other 31K . In these 4 months i used to go in

with 500 euro and not anymore with 100euro. I decided to sign again for a year. After the year passed i went back again to the casino to try to getback all the money

i had lost so in March 2009 i started again but this time i used to enter with 1000euro it only took me one month to loose an other 30k. I decided to stop this time

without signing out and start going to a GA meetings and there i met people who where in a worst situation then me and this kept me away from gambling for

6months in October 2009 I started gambling again till January 2010 in thes months i lost 35k I had emptied my premier credit card and all the money i had saved

this time my father got to know about this and that was a problem cos he took it very bad and i felt bad about it i immediately sign out for a year again, he helped me

to pay my pills out, the year passed and again was dreaming i can get back all of it. So in February 2011 i started again and lost all the money i had saved in that year

and took a loan in just a mount i was again under 29k so i sign out and started going to GA meeting. The year passed very quickly and the only thing in my mind was the

140k i had lost the passed 5years i could of both a apartment with that money.. so as you can imagine i finished back gambling trying to win it back in April 2012 i was

at the same situation of before till i lost all my money that i saved plus borrowed money and lost a total of 35k again this destroyed ly

me to much even more then before this time i didnt sign out but i was feeling so bad that i lost a total of 175k instead of buying an apartment that it kept me away for few months until christmas time in december 2012 when again just in less than a month i had lost an other 20k some where my savings and a loan again i sign for a year again. From december 2013 till 2017 i managed to lose an other 110k euro that puts me in a total of 305k euro in just 11years . thanks god my father helped me pay out the pill that i did in 11 years plus i had to do a bank loan plus i have to work all the time. After this situation i decided to find an apartment so that all the money i make from my work/business will go to pay that and i dont have any cash in hand in January 2018 i found one still getting built up that was good for me but in july 2018 i had some issues that made me loose control of my self and made me go back to the casino in September 2018but this time was the worst ever i play the money of the apartment and i lost it, i didnt go in with 100 euro or 500euro or 1000euro but with much more i lost all the money that had for the apartment i had to lose it all the money that i did from work/business plus again i had loaned money a total 60k i had lost just in less than two months these destroyed me this time finally i decided to sign out from all the casino for LIFE THIS TIME FINALLY I DID IT and go again to a GA meetings and i felt really good with this from october 2018 till April 2020 i felt much better obviously the thought of all the money thrown in the bin was always in my mind but i knew i couldnt enter in casino

In May 2020 i was spending a lot of time at home both my work/business where closed. I was buying most of the things online. On the 10th May I decided to give a try the online casino big mistake this time my max i can get from my credit card is 3k in 24hrs obviously i lost it all . i gave it an other try on the 15th,16th,17th doing this i lost 12k in total . After losing the 12k the online casino decided to block my account cos they understood i have a gambling problem first because of the amount of hours i do gambling , for not withdrawal and even if im up i never stop before i lose everything so they blocked me that was nice from there sidethey help me not to play for a month on the 20th and 21st June i locked in a other site and gambled an other 4,500euro both these days i could of cashed out one time with 8k and the other time with 10,540 euro but i couldnt stop betting before i lost all.. i started vomiting how guilty i was feeling and couldnt sleep i need to stop all short of gambling cos i will never withdrawal any money in my casa cos i never stop betting

I read your storyand its similar to mine. It is better to start for solutions and get rid of your financial limits and cards which can be a barrier for u. Since u attended to GA meetings and u were successful to stop this i see that u can do it and u really want it. You can write me anytime, i am also coping with this addiction at the moment, i wish u good luck! And believe u that u can control this..

its really a bad habit this gambling it stays inside of you for life, unfortunately i reach a level that i never withdrawal any money cos i keep bet till i lose everything and thats the worst it can be. did you write your story on here?  

Yes i’ve posted my story. I started to fight gambling addiction in 2013 and after a big win in 2015 i started to take it under pressure however i could never control it. Things i have done;

- self excluded from almost every casino

- self excluded from almost every well known websites

- had new hobbies

- gamblock software

- and sworn many times

However, this thing beaten me all the time, but in 2013-2014 i was going to casino everyday and smoked weed to ease pain after every loss. During that time i lost my friends, lost thousands, got weight + 20 kilos, and my mental health was almost gone.

In 2016, i decided to take therapies and started to continue my education this helped me a lot. During that period of two years,

I smoked twice and played 4 times but all was limited and didn’t had any financial issues. After all;

2018 played two times (2 days)

2019 Played 3 times (3 days)

2020 played 2 times (2 days)

The most important thing is that in the last 3 sessions i lost a lot and depression that i faced was so high. After all i admitted myself that i have a problem.

I don’t play often but in 2 days i play with high amounts and facing severe emotional effects.

On july 1,2020 i said to myself that is enough and now i decided to join weekly GA meetings, contacted a therapist and closed all bank accounts except one.

Even i stopped weed for a year, i never drink and smoke and as a charachter i’m a strong one but against gambling i am defenseless..

So my advice is that if you play again you will probably lose becaue for a gambler money is not the priority.. besides odds are favor of the house.. if u don’t feel like this again take the first step.. by the way i reduced and controlled this habit with help of 12 steps guide.

My last advice is now enjoy the recovery and wait for good days, i know u can do it and we can heal only by time.

so today after 11 days no gambling i did it again im feeling so bad of my self i never learn the lesson. so around 12 noon friday i switch on the computer and said let me play some black jack but no roullette yes right.... after playing blackjack and losing 500euro i said the only way to win back is playing roullette and i deposit an other 2k and with this a played till midnight non stop going up to 4200 euro and back down i had the chance to withdrawal many times but i never did till i lost all, its always the same old story im feeling so weak with this gambling becide losing 2500 euro i had things that i was supposed to do and didnt do any and meet up with friends and i didnt go to.... i feel so weak with this addiction what im going to do i dont know ...........

Hi there, sorry to hear that but you can give another try. As i wrote you i was able to stop this for a long time but what i learned from GA meetings is that recovery lasts last time.

Our brains always finds an excuse to play,i will write you my personal experiences below, however what i learned is those excuses are lies but nothing else;

Some if mine excuse and results;

1) i never play online, i don’t trust websites so i go casinos (i lost in maybe 25 online casinos)

2) In the real casino i feel money and i can immediately withdraw so better go there, online casinos pending transactions makes me lose (i could withdraw only 3-4 times all this time and self excluded after every loss)

3) In side bets i can win more in online casinos so lets register and see

4) I will play with only 500 as a hobby and never reach this..

5) I lost last times but this will change now, i can’t be losing all the time

6) after a long sessiom with a losing streak;

I lost because this person was there

I lost because my phone rang

I lost concentration and lost because of my family is looking for me..

After all, since this addiction is progressive, i start to lose every session that i played and found that this addiction was even organizing my holidays througy my subconsciousnes.

I played in Vegas, Brussels, Zurich, Venice, Monte Carlo, Berlin, Frankfurt, Madrid, Barcelona, Budapest, Helsinki, Prag, Wien and many others and in the end there is no single win.

So my advice again; Decide not to play, fight with urge and quit all credit cards and reduce to only one bank account. Use gamblock and gamban, self exclude yourself from the both online and offline casinos.

Buy yourself a small present after every successful month to motivate yourself. But take your decision and say yourself that you are done with this addiction.

so today i gambled again i have lost 1,640 euro i started playing at noon after two hours i had 4,300euro so i said lets stop so that for one time i stay up, and i did it i went out to the gym and after went to eat so that i stay out for few hours when i returned home i switch the laptop again and in 9 min on blackjack i lost them all still i cant believe it in 9 min, this is crazy every time the same. if i stop and withdrawal the money i will be upput i never do.....

Hi Ed, You gambled Saturday and you gambled yesterday. It's done, can't be changed. Now what would have stopped you? It sounds like you had very easy, fast access to funds with which to gamble. What are you going to do to change that?

I think we have established that none of us are the type of person who can walk away when winning, that's why we are here.

Words, promises and intentions never stopped anyone gambling - so what actions can you take?

thats true charles i had i bond of 10k and sold it cos i needed to pay someone supposed with the money that i had in june but i had lost them back then, so yes i had easy access to the money that i played these last two times, unfortunatly im still thinking i can get them back even though i never get out with the money i know its cray.....  And these last 3 months that i started gambling again i feel really bad i feel so down i really cant understand why i do this to my self

What's to understand? it is an addiction. Now you either continue acting like the addiction wants you to act or you take actions so that you can have a great gamble free life. Maybe pop into a group here.

today i manage to get a loan from the bank of 4k i deposited in a online casino and went up to 10k and 300 euro after 8 hrs i had lost it all before i started playing i promised that if i get up to 7k ill stop but i couldnt do it.... now im in a point that i dont know what im going to do with my self

today i manage to get a loan from the bank of 4k i deposited in a online casino and went up to 10k and 300 euro after 8 hrs i had lost it all before i started playing i promised that if i get up to 7k ill stop but i couldnt do it.... now im in a point that i dont know what im going to do with my self

obviously im not capable to handle this by my own should i tell my parents to help me even though i know i will worry them alot..........

Hello, just wanted to let you know I am in same position. I had stopped gambling for month, I paid off my credit card and had savings in my ac***** for the first time this year. This week, I had a very good week at work, i felt on top of the world and thought to myself I have some extra money... I can't treat myself to just a little bit of online gambling... fast forward to now (friday night) my Mastercard is once again maxed out and my savings are gone.  I too suffer .. I too do not know how to stop... I'm addicted to losing.... BUT feeling sorry for myself never got me anywhere except trying to chase the lose with more betting..... the best thing I can do for myself is surround myself with family and friends this weekend, ***** my blessings and start fresh. 

And YES you do need a support system, admitting my problem to those closest to me was the most embarrassing thing I ever had to do, But it helped me having someone to support me who isn't online.... the fact that you are scared of worrying them tells me that you have a very caring family. They will worry more if you have a problem and dont get help. 

Hi Ed,

your addiction has got to the point of not allowing you to keep a penny of what you earn.

its time to admit that you are out of control when it comes to gambling. you need to accept that this is a path of destruction for you.

1. lose access to money. Cut up cards and let someone you trust handle your money for now

you are betting big like I did and as a result lost large amounts rapidly. Think of all the opportunities that money could have brought you and say to yourself you won't let that continue. you are the one losing out here buy buying into a false dream.

you Need professional help and no access to money.

please make a change today for you own peace of mind and happiness  

You wrote: "obviously im not capable to handle this by my own ..."

That is correct.  I have never met anyone who was able to stop this behaviour without support from someone else whether that be from family or a support group or a professional like a doctor or a counsellor. 

It may worry your parents.  It will worry them more when you come up against the inevitable consequences of continuing to gamble - bankrupcy, homelessness, prison, possibly even suicide. 

Get help now.  Read through the posts in this forum to see what others have done and do the same.  Loose access to money, access to gambling sites and find other things to do with your time.  And beyond all else get the support you undoubtably need.  I wish you well.

today im feeling strong that im not going to gamble again cos its obvious that im out of control and that even if i win i dont stop and it doesnt make any sence , i started gambling online from last May and lost huge amounts in just about 10 times that i have played from these 10 times 8 off them i was up few thousands but never had the power to stop and withdrawal until i lost all off it . Yesterday before going to get the money from the bank to put on my account i had been watching blackjack and promised to my self that when i reach 7k i stop i reached 10,300 k what can you want more than these 6,300 profit for the day but didnt stop again until i got 00,000 it like i want to destroy my self , by forse the drain is not working as it should i had been seeing what i did in less than 3 months i lost over 25k just in 10times playing i own money to the bank and my mother and even to my friend what a disgusting addiction is this and i cant stop thinking that in these last 3 months playing probable if i stopped when i had to i would have had now around 40k . so now i can confirm that thing change from last years to the worst i mean before i used to play cos i was running after my money but this year it looks like im not cos when i win i dont stop until i give it back to them.... hopefully at least i feel inside of me that yesterday was the last time

And two from three online casino that i have played with have blocked my account them self cos they have noticed of the addiction promblem i have imagine how bad i am to be blocked...

I think I reached the worst you can get in gambling addiction I mean beside obviously suicide that thanks God that was never in my mind but yes if you don't stop we can reach that level too, even I'm lucky that I do take drags cos I did I can't imagine my self high and gambling. If there is anyone that is similar to me that reached the level of not withdrawal not even if he won big let's say 6k or 10k in a night I would like to chat with him or her hope to hear soon from you

it shouldn't  matter if someone lost the same amount or more than you ed. Focus on recovery steps and read some of the stories of others on this forum 

Ed I think that’s a really good question - I think what you are asking is are there others who have sank as far as you feel you have or are you completely out of control and beyond hope?

I often had big wins - most of us have- and one day I realised that I would never ‘win’ again because I had lost the ability to withdraw no matter how much I won. I would stay playing for hours and hours until the balance eventually reached zero.

I would promise myself when I reached a certain amount I would withdraw only to ignore my promise once I reached that amount.

I also realised quite quickly that by not gambling those amounts built up in my bank anyway ... ok a lot slower than with a win but the money is in my bank rather than in my dreams!

I needed a lot of support to stop gambling but I have been stopped for almost a year - it sometimes is a battle still and I guess I will have that temptation for a long time.

I would suggest you talk to your doctor or an organisation which offers support such as counselling. GA is a good start but many of us need more than that. I could have gambled for 24 hours until my money ran out but I managed to stop with the right support.

So in answer to your question the answer is yes , there are people similar to you who could not withdraw no matter how big the win, who felt they could never stop but who are now living happy gamble free lives. You can do it too and you deserve to be free from this as much as anyone else.