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    • #44539
      DanielleCH
      Participant

      I posted in the forum over the years, I can’t seem to find my old posts. I wish I could so I could read them, I know it was a very dark time for me. If anyone knows how, please let me know. It may have been under a different username. 

      Anyways.. a little about me. I’m 30 years old and have a very serious complusive gambling problem. I’ve lost my marriage, declared bankrupcty, been evicted, sold myself to a couple “sugar daddies”, commited fraud, almost lost custody of my daughter, attempted suicide, the list goes on and on. I was completely and uterrly garbage. I walked around ever second of every day going through an internal panic attack, feeling as though I’m going to vomit. I F*&^ing hated myself so. damn. much.

      I never thought I would see the day where I could be happy again or be a good mother to my daughter – but I’m here and I’m thankful every single day that I no longer gamble.

      It all came to a head on Decemeber 30th. I was feeling terrible about the Christmas I gave my daugher. I tried to win some money to make it up to her (I think you all know where this is headed). I lost our rent, grocery money,

      bill money, every thing. Every last penny. I was contemplating suicide again, but I dedided it’s better for me to live in this agony than for my daughter to live with the pain of losing her mother. So I lived, for her, and only her.

      I decided that night I was going to tell my boyfriend at the time every thing. I was going to lose him, but at least it would explain why he felt I was always so absent even when I was phsically there. He completely surprised me. He was very understanding

      and empathetic. He was everything I didn’t even know I needed him to be. He saved me. Literally. He bailed me out (not proud of that) and took over my finances. I started going to meetings and seeing a psychiatrist (had already seen one before – but decided to go agaiun)

      The meetings really helped. I am not much for speaking in public, so that part was rough, but hearing others speak was eye opening. They spoke my feelings. They suffered like I did and they GET IT.

      Okay so an update.. I have not gambled since December 30th, 2017. I recieved my bankrupcty discharge yesterday and I am in charge of my own finances again effective May 1st (my boyfriend has my password and will be checking on me frequently). I have some money in savings and my bills are minimal due to the bankruptcy freeing me of my debts. But best of all.. I am so happy. And I appreciate my happiness so much after what I’ve been through..just writing this makes me tear up happy tears. I love life again and I’m free. I’m finally free.

      I know this is a struggle I will be dealing with for the rest of my life, and I’ll keep fighting. The urges aren’t 100% gone, and may never be, but I have the tools to deal with them now.

      PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP. It kills me knowing there are others out there in the pain I was once in. Please keep fighting the fight until you’ve won.

    • #44540
      Monica1
      Participant

      Thank you for sharing your story. It is ultimately very uplifting. I think we all relate well to,the pan and abject misery this addiction causes us, I am so pleased that life turned round for you. Thank you for posting.

    • #44541
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hello Danielle and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #44542
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Danielle and welcome back to the forum. I have been around this forum since 2007 i believe. I have spent a good part of the last 9 years gamble free. Thanks so much for sharing your story. It can offer hope to someone who thinks no one else knows how bad it can get. Keep your barriers in place and keep attending meetings. They can make a difference in whether you stay gamble free. I’m glad you’ve had this second chance at living life. Keep posting.
      Laura

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