I've lost everything & now my life is empty
It's been a very long time since I've been on this site, I've been battling my journey on the road to recovery offline. Recently things have picked up well for me & life was looking great as I enjoyed my gamble free days. In fact I met someone who was absolutely incredible, sweet, generous and I couldn't believe that after all the heartache of cg that I was with someone who I loved deeply and he felt the.same. I told him about the addiction and how it destroyed me and that I was clean and seeing a counsellor. He was a bit non-chalamt about, not concerned at all. He even gave me money to pay off debts which I did and sent him proof. In my eagerness to get out of debt quickly in order to start saving towards getting a house with my boyfriend i found myself at the pokies yesterday and within hours I lost an entires pay salary. My boyfriend had told me to call him if I had urges but I ignore that thought yesterday cause I was going to win. Well I lost everything and I told my boyfriend and now he wants nothing to do with me and I'm completely heart broken. He told me that I'm a fraud and that I've been using him this entire time and he was stupid for trusting me. I don't blame him for being mad and feeling betrayed but I don't know where the above things have come from. I thought our love was strong enough and no one feels more terrible and horrible.then l do. In fact I left work because I couldn't stop crying andy body is physically shaking. He gave me a lecture about not being strong enough to stay at work.
I screwed up so bad and now my future is gone and I am at my wit's end about this.
Please help with advice how can I redeem myself, I told him I'm.happy for him to have full control of my pay.