LOST CONTROL IN GAMBLING
Sitting in my hotel room afraid to go home to face my father, not knowing what to say or how to say to him, mom cursing me out through texts, thinking about how disappointing my god parents might be and people blowing up my phone but I'm sure everyone that knows me could've guessed what happened by now..
My name is Tommy I am 29/years old. Today I am admitting how powerless I am to gambling. As I am writing this post I just went on a 100k streak loss in the past month. Lost complete control of my self, I cleared out my personal account, business account, maxed out my credit cards, and have withdrawn money out of me and my parent's joint account supposedly for a downpayment for our new house and we're closing next week.
I started gambling since high school but I don't gamble routinely on a weekly or daily basis. But when I step my foot into the casino I gamble hard and go all out until I'm broke & broken inside out 90% of the time. I play a very important role in the family business but when I'm in gambling mode I can go disappear for a week up to a month and not answer my phone putting our business and my credibility at risks. This past Tuesday January 29th I took off in the middle of a regular work day using a meeting with my accountant as an excuse which I did but planned on gambling to begin with and that was the day I lost controlled in the casino and kept chasing my losses. This cycle happens about once a year since 2012. If I'm not wrong but I'm quite sure I've lost over 350k in the past 6 years. Worse part is I'm taking advantage of my family's financial support, because truthfully I think half the money didn't even belong to me.
Now I'm alone in my hotel room seeking for help online, hoping I can find the courage and the self-will to take the losses clear my mind go home and toughen up and figure out a plan to move on. I don't mind fucking up, but my family, parents and god parent's all have so much faith in me. What I don't want is to disappoint them again and again. I. I've been going through this unstable emotional roller coaster and it needs to stop now!
I must say I seem to be very good at overcoming situations and emotions, through my mistakes I learned that I must let go of my past in order for me to move on. When I'm not gambling I am really focus at work, gym & time to time I would take self development courses. I used to want to be an inspirational successful businessman and become a millionaire by 30. I had all these dreams and goals with a bright future thats pretty much set in front of me, I can't keep fucking up, there is just so much I want to give back to the world but first I need to cure myself. I want to identify what this empty feeling is that I keep having inside of me over time.
My #1 priority is to get rid of this bad habit, recover myself from this disease. Stop Gambling will be my number 1 Goal for the rest of my life. Because I know once I break free from this I can do anything in the world. So please if anyone is reading this I am reaching out for advices, programs or information on whats the first step of stopping gambling and how to commit to it or maybe there's something you can teach me, I am open for opinions
These are the things I know I need to work on,
1. Controlling/managing finances
2. Reaching out for support
3. Sharing my struggles, opening up to families
4. Committing to my words
5. Taking responsibilities
6. Building the right habits
7. And everything else
Hope to hear from you,