The lying, the debt, the promise : endless cycle
I am new in this forum. I am an addicted gambler, i don't know for sure what type it is.
Eitherway I see my selfesteem, money, relationships slipping away infront of my eyes.
I have been gambling for 9 years now. I tried a therapy one time. I did it in secret from my wife and friends. It elped for a while untill i relapse
and salt to my wound. I decided to log my journal in the hope that i will one day (hopefully sooner) quit gambling.
I relate to most of the postings in this forum.
What does my gambling cycle looks like:
I will start with the calm days. I go to work 4 days a week i spent one day taking care of my son.
I do my part (we have an unofficial agreement with my wife on who does what). There is no problem untill pay-day. oh the craziness starts from the eve and the day i got my salary I either sick or have unexpected guest and i am off work. Next thing I am at the doorstep of a casino which is not far away from where I live.
Before I know it all the money is gone (the only positive thing is i keep putting my part to our common account before i gamble). Then comes the guilt and heavy smoking.
I usually tell my wife i have bad day at work. After days or so I promise to myself that it will never happen again and start my calm life.
My wife has her suspects that I gamble but I always have a reason to make her believe that it is not. Such as, I am helping my sister or my friend.
This month it happened as usually and am already in debt. I am not sure what i have to do. I surely want to stop, and be honest,
financially safe and healthy to my self and my family. The self promise and therapy doesn't help.
ok so what is my status:
1. Debt 8000Euro from bank (was 20000 but monthly paying it from salary)
2. Debt from lender 500Euro + 150Euro interest
3. Debt from a friend 6000Euro
4.Debt from relative 4000Euro
5.Debt from brother 10000Euro
6. late bills 2 x 125 Euro insurance cost
7. Communication: have not spoken with my family (except my wife with whom i live )