My first post

Hello everyone. I’m a 26 year old female who has been battling this addiction for around two years now. I’ve put my boyfriend through so much, he’s the most caring and loving person I’ve ever met but I’m scared to tell him I’ve relapsed in the last month and lost my entire payday before Paying for most of the bills. This resulted in my selling my phone to pay the bills. I should’ve sent the money straight to him but then I thought I could maybe make it all back and I ended up losing it all again. He knows something is wrong, I can’t stop crying, I don’t want to keep hurting him like this and panic him over the lack of bill money. It’s so horrible knowing exactly how bad it’s going to be if I lose it all but doing it anyway. I care about him more than anything but I’m worried he will think I don’t care as I’ve let myself go down this path too many times. It doesn’t matter about how you feel or the person you are, rationality goes out of the window when you place the bet. The depression I’m in is killing me. I don’t want to be like this anymore, I need to beat this thing. I don’t know if he will give me another chance, and If he doesn’t then I don’t blame him at all. I don’t know how he can still love me after all this. I’m going to tell him tonight, I hope he will forgive me in time and take control of my bank account to help me get over this once and for all. It’s nice to just write it down and know there’s others out there like me. I used to be a good person, I want to be like that again.

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note....

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you :-)

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

Hi cwapple,

The actions that will help you stop gambling are the same actions that can help rebuild trust etc with your boyfriend. Keep posting and let us know what positive actions you are taking.

Cwapple - you wrote: " I used to be a good person, I want to be like that again."

You ARE still a good person, it is just that you are in the grip of a behaviour which is not good. There is a difference between who we are and our behaviour and it is the latter that needs to change.

I hope you can get your boyfriend on side and if he can manage your money for you until you get stronger then that will definitely help you in your recovery. You also need to ban yourself from places where you can gamble (both on-line and off) and get good support for yourself (and for him) via the support groups here (there is one for friends and family too) GA / Gamanon - now online:

or through counseling etc.

I found I needed to put as much effort into my recovery as I did into my gambling to actually stop - it wasn't easy but then I was totally on my own when I was going through this. I wish and your boyfriend well.