My first post
Hello everyone. I’m a 26 year old female who has been battling this addiction for around two years now. I’ve put my boyfriend through so much, he’s the most caring and loving person I’ve ever met but I’m scared to tell him I’ve relapsed in the last month and lost my entire payday before Paying for most of the bills. This resulted in my selling my phone to pay the bills. I should’ve sent the money straight to him but then I thought I could maybe make it all back and I ended up losing it all again. He knows something is wrong, I can’t stop crying, I don’t want to keep hurting him like this and panic him over the lack of bill money. It’s so horrible knowing exactly how bad it’s going to be if I lose it all but doing it anyway. I care about him more than anything but I’m worried he will think I don’t care as I’ve let myself go down this path too many times. It doesn’t matter about how you feel or the person you are, rationality goes out of the window when you place the bet. The depression I’m in is killing me. I don’t want to be like this anymore, I need to beat this thing. I don’t know if he will give me another chance, and If he doesn’t then I don’t blame him at all. I don’t know how he can still love me after all this. I’m going to tell him tonight, I hope he will forgive me in time and take control of my bank account to help me get over this once and for all. It’s nice to just write it down and know there’s others out there like me. I used to be a good person, I want to be like that again.