My Guardian Angel

I found this site on Friday night last (10pm 10th Dec 2010) or rather it found me in some random way. I registered and logged in to the chat room for Compulsive gamblers.  I was at my wit's end after 30 years of gambling and had reached the metaphorical precipice.  It would have been so easy to have jumped, I thought about it, what redeeming factors do I have I thought, and thought , and thought, and thought.  How about a good wife that requires no further moulding or fashioning or a daughter who was moulded and fashioned at birth, how could I let them down.  My daughter would go on to hate me for all the hurt I had caused.  I then realised (although I had always known) that I would walk to hell and back to protect the perfect little angel, therefore I had to decide jump or what... or what? what else is there, then I remembered that website, Gamblingtherapy it said, so I registered and joined the chat. It was an hour session and in that hour session a whole lot happened.  Since I was in a dark dark place at the time I was happy went the light in my head went on as I realised that on an erstwhile gambling night I had managed to set a light off that was not attached to a slot machine, would I get anything for that?  I did, but was was not money it was the realisation that I was about to take my first step to recovery.
Ihad my last gamble at 10pm Friday 10th December 2010 and I have managed 98.5 hours gamble free, so I will awake to my first milestone.  My outlook has changed for the better and my glass right now is neither half empty nor half full it simply has the perfect amout of fluid.

I know that this is extremely early doors but I will not allow that to stoop me as I am, for the first time in 30 years, walking tall.  I feel fabulous.  From almost certain death to fabulous in 4 days is a pretty good thing.

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery. (Mr Micawber - David Copperfield by Charles dickens)-- 18/12/2010 01:11:31: post edited by Crash!.