Just back from shopping had to run the missus…

Anyway I was still doing okay and had a number of my accounts shut or restricted for having good runs on the horses and making a decent profit,

As I could not get my bets on with a lot of the major firms I started to deposit more money into my betfair account and would regularly have a few hundred quid in there to play around with..

As I had been dipping into the joint account the missus was regularly checking I was not using it so I had to get money from elsewhere when funds ran dry,

I would take out loans for a couple grand here and there and just set up monthly payments,

I took a few months out of gambling I think it was late 2012 and self excluded from Betfair and any other accounts I had access to and threw myself into a new challenge to keep myself busy,

I decided to do a charity bike ride for a local hospice and got myself fit by going out every night building up my distance each day until I was fit enough to do the 60 miles required,

It was great getting sponsors and posting a daily log of how i was getting on,

Everybody was saying good luck and well done and to be honest I enjoyed being outside and seeing everything I had been missing out on whilst stuck at the computer gambling,

Anyway the day of the bike ride came and I managed to do the 60 miles in just under 5hrs and raised £1300 for the local hospice so all good,

I was now bored though as I had nothing to drive myself I was still busy at work but when I got home I would be twiddling my fingers bored.. I tried the gym and was enjoying that but hurt my shoulder and then a knee injury put me out of action so I succumbed to the old routine and reopened my betfair account and a couple other accounts and started to deposit funds into them,

I had lost the spark and enthusiasm I once had and became lazy not studying and just crediting my account once the funds had gone..

Again when funds ran dry I would take out another loan and would set up another monthly payment,

The bets started to get bigger as I chased my losses thinking if I could win a set amount I could pay off the loans,

A few of the guys I knew told me about a possible horse accumulator that was being organised by a certain trainer and they all got on the horses the night before at good prices,

As I did not have any money available I could not get on so to speak so I had to sit back and watch as one by one they all came in,

A £25 EW treble bet had returned over 12 thousand pounds and a couple of the guys who had placed a bit more on had would in the 20 thousand mark,

To say I felt sick would be an understatement.. I went to bed that evening thinking why did you not borrow the money from the joint or taken out another loan to play..

This would be a regular thing now as I would stay away from tips and just do my own research but the edge I had was gone I could not get my head around anything as I would constantly be thinking about money and how I was going to get out of the hole I was constantly digging for myself,

I then got the news I was being made redundant and that spurred me on to get motivated in finding a new job which I did thankfully and knowing I had a lump sum of money coming I started to big up my bets again and take out pay day loans on the strength of my upcoming payout,

When my redundancy finally came through I owed nearly 5K out to loan companies and family members,

I cleared all these and booked a holiday and thought right you have 1K lets have some fun..

Put the money into an account and played up to nearly 2 grand then being greedy I placed a big bet on 2 horses to place in the US.. both wagers were for 5 hundred pounds and all the horses had to do was place in the top 3.. easy money I thought both last time out winners in a lower class race what could go wrong.. as usual when you increase the bets both horses fell out of the stalls got boxed in and came to late to finish in the top 3.. I didn’t feel sick or anything it is like I knew the outcome before the race was run if that makes any sense,

As it was now late in the evening I decided to have safe bet and placed the remaining £1000 on a late football match, checked out both sides form and both had not scored in there last few meetings so I stuck the lot on under 2.5..

It was late in the 2nd half when the home team scored so I thought do not worry they only have 10 minutes left and no way will there be any more goals,

On 90 minutes I thought the job was done so popped to the kitchen to get a beer and heard the cheer as the opposite team had scored,

Before I could get back to my screen they scored again to make it 2-1 to the away team.. I could not believe it 2 goals in the 91st and 93rd minute had ruined me..

As I sat there with the can of lager I felt empty how could they let in 2 late goals.. the beer now tasted flat and the in the bag feeling had gone leaving the usual despair,

I trundled up to bed and had another sleepless night thinking of a way out,

I still had a few hundred pounds in my account so I thought you have done it before lets go for it again,

Stuck £300 in the account and built this up to a nice healthy £1000 but rather than withdraw I kept going and again frittered the money away..

As I was now down to my overdraft I decided to stick £500 in my account usual script up for 2 days then all gone,

Took out payday loans not sure why and still baffled now and continued down the self destruct path,

I was getting paid and clearing my pay day loans then within 2 days I would be taking them out again,

I had borrowed money from the joint account again to pay for road tax and some petrol and put this back as usual once I took out a loan,

Things had now spiralled out of control and I felt like I was losing my mind..

As I had a race meeting coming up for a mates 40th I decided I was going to stop betting and was going to tell the missus and family on my return on the Sunday,

I told all my mates about the dept I had run up and that they were not to contact me about anything bet related and that I had to stay away from all forms of betting,

They were all in shock when I told them what I owed and what I had been doing with the payday loans and all offered help in some form but said I needed to speak to my missus and family and get some help,

Unfortunately or a blessing for me the bank statement arrived whilst I was away and the missus texted saying she had seen the money going out and recongised the pattern and sussed I had been gambling again,

She then proceeded to ring my sister who in turn contacted my mum as they felt I could do myself some harm if I thought I was going to lose the missus as well, (I had elaborate plans to get money but I would never harm myself)

I returned on the Sunday afternoon to find the missus with a face like thunder and was read the riot act as I had work on the Sunday night I had to leave her smarting as I faced a long night knowing I had to sort things out,

On the Monday morning I went to bed only to be woken by banging at the door and opened it to be faced by my mother and one of my sisters,

They asked what was going on and I had to tell the truth and accept I was in the pooh..

It was a great relief to have everything in the open and get things off my chest,

Luckily my mother was in a position to help me financially but I had to hand over all my debit cards / credit cards take myself off the joint account and hand over the control of my finances to her,

One by one I rang the payday loan companies and paid back what I owed and asked them not to lend me any more money,

On checking my bank account my mum found out i had numerous loans some at very high percentages so she paid off 2 of the higher ones,

My total dept is over the 20 thousand mark and I have been told it is going to take me 5yrs to pay them all off,

I have been to see a counseller and will continue to go and see her every week for the next 21 weeks I think it is,

All my online accounts have now been shut down and I have not had a bet for over 2 weeks now and do not feel the need but I know it has a habit of sneaking back up on you,

As my mum has all my cards and I have reordered a new debit card so I do not have the number I cannot access any funds and have been given a weekly allowance that I can use for a few beers and what not,

It is going to be a long road but thought I would air my problem on here and keep people posted on how I get on,

I cannot let myself or my family down again and need to stay focussed and get back to what I do best and get myself on track,

As I work nights I am going to fill my days with doing odd jobs and hopefully earn a few extra pounds for doing so,

I feel pretty bad about the mess I ave gotten myself into but at the end of the day it is only money and through hard work and discipline I can get straight again,

The missus is behind me and knows she will have to tighten her belt for a few years but when I come out the other side and the depts have been paid back we can have the big holidays and what not again,

Thanks for reading anyway and best of luck to everybody who has come here and stay strong…

Thanks Velvet and the team for welcoming me and I shall keep you posted on my progress,

I know I have a problem and even though it is under control at the moment I know the beast is lurking inside waiting to get out again,

This week I have been hectic at work but have started to venture outside again and will get stuck in to a house renovation my mum is currently doing. (New house)

I have dusted down my fishing tackle and plan on getting out of the house and away from the PC as much as I can have the missus has changed all the passwords so I cannot get on to gambling sites.

I purposeless opened accounts and then self excluded for the maximum terms so I cannot get into any again for the foreseeable future,

Well I have managed to survive the weekend without having a bet and have kept myself busy and away from temptation,

It has definately helped telling all my close friends / family and work mates as they are keeping me busy and inviting me around to get me out of the house,

It has also been good to talk to people about the mess I am in and what my plans are to get sorted,

On the night shift tonight so just on a break,

Hope everybody else is baring up okay and things are looking brighter,

Just need to stay positive and keep talking to people so I reaffirm what I have done and why I need to stay away from gambling

Thanks again

Well a quick midweek update…

I have not had any urges to gamble although I did have a very fleeting dream of getting a 4 horse accumulator up that would have cleared my dept but the reality is that only hard work and discipline will clear my dept now. no more betting ! .

Had a hard week at work so far with long hours and a large work load but keeping me busy and my mum has asked me to look in on my uncle every morning when I finish work as he is not well and needs looking after,

Basically call round when I finish work make him a brew and some toast check he is okay and then have a quick chat and take his dog out,

For doing so she is giving me an extra £20 a week spends so I am going to look at saving this money towards going fishing and any left over put in a pot or give back to my mum to pay off my loans / credit cards,

I have also been writing down what money I had been spending on gambling previously and what I could have bought with the money so in turn turning the digital numbers on my old accounts into real money and getting a value of its worth again,

Brings it home a little more how much has been wasted down the years and hopefully help me to stay on the straight and narrow moving forward,

I have had the guilty pangs again over the last couple of days over the amount I have wasted but that has gone now and has to be left in the past and I have to look forward and keep working hard as above to get this cleared down,

I had another counselling session today and feel that is helping and it is good to speak to somebody other than friends and family to keep going over how I have gotten to this point and how to get back to normality.

My post seems a little all over the shop at the moment but just want to get things down as and when they come to me so I can look back at the progress made so far and continue to keep things fresh in my mind,

Hopefully as I learn a little more about how I got here I can start to contribute to other threads and offer support to others,

Hope everybody else is doing well and remember one day at a time and stay positive..

Thanks for listening / reading..

Well another weekend is over and done with and kepy myself busy this weekend as it is my missus birthday today (Monday) so we had a party at the house Saturday night had a BBQ and quite a bit to drink,

I spent most of Sunday in bed nursing a sore head but back in work for the night shift and just sitting down for my dinner so thought I would give a quick update,

Not had any further dreams about betting and going to my Uncle’s every morning from work is making me appreciate life and the time we have with each other,

As seeing him struggling with his breathing and having to rely on people to get him through the day shows that we do not have forever and need to make the most of the days we have whilst we are still young and mobile enough to do things,

Not looked or thought about any kind of betting since my last post and need to keep it that way,

I have to work tomorrow night (Tuesday) then I have a week off work to relax and get on top of some things I have let slide whilst being in the grip of gambling for so long,

Planned is work at my mums house and I am going to go fishing on a couple of days to get me out of the house and away from any forms of internet access,

Going for walks with my Uncle’s dog is also doing me and the dog good as a bit more exercise and feeling the cold rain on your face in the morning is refreshing and again brings home what we miss when sat in doors all the time,

Got my £30 weekly allowance from my mum on Friday plus £20 for checking up on my Uncle and I still have £45 in my wallet so a good result and this will now go towards some flowers for the missus for her birthday and some bait for fishing, (I will then save any left over for next weekend and hopefully be able to keep some to one side so I can treat the missus to a meal in a few weeks time)

Hope everybody else is coping and trying to keep the faith, it is a long road ahead but every step is a step closer to the end result and a better life…

Thanks again Monique and Sad68 I appreciate the feedback and support and I will continue to update you on my progress and hopefully be able to give support to others soon.

Back seeing the counsellor tomorrow but it will all be positive feedback and hopefully I can bring a little bit more advise away from me.

Thanks again and I wish everybody the continued strength to fight this addiction.

Thanks Micky if somebody can take something from my posts then hopefully it can help somebody deal with their own issues,

Every person is different and we all have to deal with our demons in our own way,

I have been fortunate so far to have people around me who have bailed me out but some people do not have this luxury,

As always I wish everybody all the best

Well I have had a few days off work and been busy catching up on a few things at home and also did a job for my mum,

Had a day out fishing and also treated myself to a few beers and a lot of BBQ’s..

I have not had any desire to gamble and have been doing a lot of thinking about what I did before gambling and how I spent my time, having applied myself to catching up on jobs at home and scheduling other jobs to do in the future this is keeping my brain active and also giving me the lift and sense of accomplishment as I tick them of the list,

Cleared all the old insulation from my mums loft this week and although a dirty, sweaty horrible job I felt good after I had done it and was rewarded by my mum saying she would pay for my taxi fare to the airport in a couple of weeks time when I go away on holiday so a double bonus.

Made some plans for the garden and when I have saved up the money to do the jobs I will set about them,

Still going to my Uncle’s house in the mornings after work and sorting him out and taking the dog for a walk, as I am now doing his breakfast and spending some time with him they are paying me £30 so again this all helps to clear the dept as well as giving me some additional funds to play around with.

The extra money this week was spent on meat and vegs but I did go to the local market late in the day to ensure I got the most for my money.. I am being a lot more savvy these days and the missus was made up to see all the fresh produce and the fact I had got of my ass and done something,

She has been impressed with the effort I have put in and is encouraging me along and ensuring I am alright in the head and not doing to much..

Went for my counselling mid week and my counsellor is impressed with how far I have come and my progress is ahead of the plan so to speak and she has not given me any goals yet as everything she has wanted me to do I am already doing,

It has been good like I have said before to be able to speak to somebody other than friends and family who will listen and not judge you, something if you are struggling with gambling I would advise to do,

Was going to go fishing this afternoon but the weather has just changed and it is bouncing down now so may just stay at home and watch a film and chill out,

On a course from work this week and have a number of meetings during the day so I will not actually be doing my regular shift until Friday night so the missus will have to put up with me being at home in the evenings,

At least she will get good meals cooked with me being around to do the cooking,

Wittering again but hopefully what I have put in place will keep me on the straight and narrow and hopefully encourage others to see that it is possible,

Still very early days but staying positive and enjoy having a couple quid in my pocket and want to keep it that way,

Wishing everybody the strength to stay strong and overcome there own battles..

Thanks Charles for the post and I am continuing with my quest to become gambling free..

It has now been a month to the day when I had my last bet and a lot of things have changed since the day I decided I was going to quit..

It has not been easy even though my journal may come across otherwise..

I have had to totally change my lifestyle and the way I think and how I go about avoiding what I would call trigger points.

Today I have been to see my counsellor as I have done for the last few weeks on a Wednesday and whilst having our usual chat and getting things off my chest I explained how we have a cat at home that we recently adopted and how the cat ‘Tilly’ had got into a habit of urinating in the front room on the carpet and even though we let her out every night and changed her litter every day she kept going back to the same spot in the front room and taking a leak.

Anyway Tilly had continued to do her business and after many attempts to try and change this habit by cleaning the carpet, using sprays, putting down training pads nothing was working. (Tilly is an old cat whom we were told had been a house cat and had no issues) anyway long story short we had to make the decision to shut Tilly out of the front room and keep her confined to other parts of the house whilst we were out.. We have done this for the last few weeks and she has now started to use her litter tray again to do her business. I explained that I feel a little like Tilly at the moment now the door has been shut and I need to be retrained to change my habits and if the door was left open just a little bit it could lead to being suckered in to taking a little bet hence keeping the door in my head firmly shut.. sounds a little mad but the cat seems happier as we are not giving her grief as she gets the well done and a treat for going in her tray and I feel a great sense of relief every day I do not gamble.. Tilly is happier, the missus is happier and I am happier not stressing about money or the need to gamble.. still only a month but it is a month under my belt and I feel better things can only get better. thanks again all and keep battling for a better future..

Well another week has passed and I have still avoided having a bet and have continued to stick to my guns and avoided all temptation by keeping myself busy and talking to people,

I was invited to join all the Dream teams at work for the new football season but kindly declined as the last thing I want is to be sat on the PC again picking teams and getting involved in sport on a weekly basis,

Following my own team is okay as just check the scores and how they played but getting involved in a competition were you have to study form and what not is not something I trust myself with at the moment,

I keep going back to the cat and the door being firmly closed she is still using her litter tray and leading a better life as not as much stress for her and I feel the same way,

Been to see my counsellor again and had my weekly chat and off loaded all the positives and negatives and had good feedback again and it just gives me a lift to know another week under my belt,

Getting told that you have potential to go onto better things and you should have more belief in your abilities is also good and puts a bit more fire in the belly,

I would strongly advise anybody who is struggling with a gambling addiction to open up and tell somebody so you can take that pressure off and have somebody you can speak to,

I have the support of my family, missus, work mates, friends and my counsellor so I am never alone and can talk to other people without boring the pants of anybody..

Sometimes It is like being a stuck record but that is my way of coping and getting over this addiction,

My life is so much better even after 5 weeks and I intend to keep up the good work,

I go to Egypt tomorrow for 2 weeks so will be making most of the sunshine and the all inclusive bar 🙂 most of all spending quality time with the missus and being able to chill out without any stresses…

I shall bid thee all farewell and good luck for now and catch up soon..

Stay strong and take one day at a time and try and speak to somebody even if it is people online to take the pressure off..

Thanks P and Monique for the kind words..

I had a good holiday thanks and it was another good eye opener for me to appreciate the value of money as the staff at the hotel were only being paid £90 a month for working 7 days a week and 12hr shifts in hot / stiffling conditions and having to put up with a torrent of abuse from so called ‘guests’ at the hotel,

The hotel was very nice and the facilities really good and the staff were excellent and made our stay very enjoyable,

As I am a well mannered English man it upset me to see people talking to the staff like they were worthless and ordering drinks at the all inclusive bar abruntly and without any P’s and Q’s.. but the staff continued to smile and just get on with the job and were thankful they were in a position to be earning a wage,

I bumped into a couple of blokes whilst at the pool during my stay who started to talk to me and it turned out they were into horse racing and knew some people I used to have dealings with and were saying they could help me to win a few quid to help me out but I kindly refused and said that was no longer an option or something I would consider so that felt good,

Also met a couple other people who had gone through similiar experiences on the gambling front and it was good to hear their stories and how they had got themselves back on track and what not so the holiday proved good on all fronts,

Just on a break at work but will continue this in the morning or tomorrow when I get up.. (On the night shift)

Hope everybody else is doing okay and keep the faith all it can be done..

One day at a time and every journey starts with the first step..

Catch up soon,

Kirty..

Hello again,

As above a great holiday and we went into the desert and visited a Bedouin camp and enjoyed a camel ride before drinking Bendouin tea and then sitting on a ledge to watch the sun go down over the mountains,

It was so surreal as no noise apart from the wind and it was nice to just relax for a little while with the missus whilst the sun disappeared and cast darkness over the desert,

Headed back down to the camp and had some traditional Bedouin food and listened to the tribes people sing round a fire before heading back into the desert to look at 3 planets through a big telescope that had been brought to the camp so we could enjoy a star gazing experience,

An astronomer then appeared and with a high powered laser pen and showed us all the different constellations and talked about the night sky and it was really interesting and again showed me how small we are in the grand scheme of things and for a moment all my troubles had been lifted,

I know I witter a little but the above was a great inexpensive experience that brought home how much we miss when we are sat inside on our computers or sit worrying about things that we are in a position to change with a little hard work,

I know I will not be able to wander into the desert for a long time now but I am sure I will be able to find a nice place back in England I can drive to and just sit back and stare at the stars once in a while and bring back that feeling now and again,

Being away from home was also good for me and the missus as we were able to chill around the pool and enjoy some time together with no distractions,

We even managed to bring some money home after tipping quite a few of the hotel staff for the service they provided and making us feeling so welcome,

Marie my missus was pining for the cat (Tilly) by the end of the holiday and thankfully when we arrived home her brother had done a sterling job looking after her and the house even brushing the cat so she looked in pristine condition, 🙂

He had only left the door open to the front room once whilst we had been away for the 2 weeks and she had as mentioned previously sneaked in and taken a leak on the carpet so again it shows that the door has to be kept shut at all times to stop the bad habits returning,

My plans now I am home and the weather is turning and the nights closing in is to get back into the gym and keep myself busy that way as well as continuing with the work on my mums new house,

Hope everybody else is doing okay and stay strong all..

Thanks,

Kirty..

Hi everybody,

Well another week has gone by gamble free and even though I have been very busy at work whilst I have been sat at home I have not had any urges to gamble so that has made me feel good,

I have managed to clear £500 from one of my high interest loans with the help of my mum and missus due to them having control of my finances which is another positive as I was paying 26% interest on the loan so the payment has saved me £488 pounds over the course of the loan,

Got myself a form to fill in to re-join the local gym now the dark nights are drawing in and I won’t be able to keep busy with my fishing and sitting in the garden,

So a keep fit regime is my new challenge and hopefully I will be able to do another sponsored charity event some time next year,

Chatting to people about my gambling addiction has definately been good for me as talking about it is my therapy and reaffirming every day that I will not gamble again is keeping me on track and having a good partner and family supporting me plus speaking to my counsellor every week is helping me to get back on track,

Each day that passes is another tick in my well done box but a very long journey ahead and I need to stick to my plan and keep busy and keep changing my habits to avoid downtime that causes boredom…

Hope everybody else is doing okay and hopefully my positive post can inspire other people to keep going at it…

It is a demon buried deep inside and I need to keep it suppressed by drowning out its cries to bet..

Stay positive all…

Kirty..

Just a quick update regarding my recovery

It is nearly 3 weeks since I last posted and I am still gambling free and can see the bank account slowly getting a little better and although I have had a couple vivid gambling dreams I have not had any urges to gamble..

I purposely do not read the sports pages anymore and definately do not look at the racing results. I have just have a quick look at how my football team have got on and that is it..

Been kept busy both at work and helping my mum with her renovation project on her new house so any spare time I have been busy there or catching up on sleep…

Not joined the gym yet but it is on my to do list and I am still doing lots of cooking on the cheap (going to the market to secure fresh produce) so that is helping to keep me in trim due to eating healthy,

The counselling is still going well and I am midway through my course now so need to keep going and learn as much as I can to why I gambled so I can ensure I do not get any trigger points in the future. It has been really good to speak to somebody whom you know is not going to be judgemental and will sit and listen to you waffle on…

I seem to think my gambling was to try and win a better standard off life but if I had not wasted my time and money gambling I could have afforded everything I wanted or thought I needed just by saving up..

Just got to my 6 month probationary period at work so my salary now increases another 1000 a year so that will bump up the take home wage by a few quid each month…

Lots going on at home now I am not a slave to the computer and been catching up on films and actually spending time with family and friends. (Again on the cheap)

Funny how £30 a week can be stretched out when you have no access to funds…

We went to stay with friends at the weekend in a cottage and it cost me £40 in petrol but I would blow that in minutes back in my gambling days and not even blink so it is £40 well spent.

My mum has been treating me for the jobs I have been doing at her house as a lot of physical labour and helping her to move forward with the project and she knows it is keeping me focussed..

Anyway keep up the good work all..

Thanks for reading..

Well a month has gone by since my last post and I am happy to say I am still gamble free and working hard towards paying off the depts I had run up.

Not had any set backs and kept focussed on going forward and not looking back..

Still talking about the issues I had through gambling and also keeping people in the loop with how my journey is going is also helping me to get on with my life,

I am still going to my counselling sessions and will see them through to the end as it helps knowing I have somebody I can talk to each week with how I am getting on even if it is more like a social chat. It helps knowing they are also routing for you.

As I have posted before I have a budget of £50 a week this is £30 I am given from my mum who is looking after my finances and then I get an additional £20 for helping my mum to care for my Uncle. I basically go around every morning after work and make his breakfast have a brew then walk his dog before heading home to bed..

As I knew I had my anniversary to the missus coming up I saved up some of my budget and took her out for a meal on my night off. Picked a nice Indian restaurant and we had a chilled out night.. Having a budget has made me appreciate the value of money and the fact you do not need a lot to have a good time and do things..

I have been very busy at work so I have not joined the gym yet but I have been helping to renovate my mums house and I have also done some work on my own house using money from the joint account with the okay from my missus..

If I had still been gambling I would not have been able to do any of the above as I was so absorbed in trying to win that I lost sight of everything else and was just in a bubble on my own with all the lies / deciet and stress.

Without gambling I have regained my confidence, self respect and a positive outlook again on life and my health has improved as I am sleeping well again and also eating well and actually getting outside and living again..

I still get the guilt trips when I cannot help the missus out finacially but she knows that when I am back on track I will have the money to help her,

One thing I mentioned to my counsellor is that everybody forgets about those whom are helping the problem gambler out and the pressure it has on them as well..

I was lucky that my mum was in a position to help me out but a lot of people would not have been so lucky so this puts a lot of pressure on family members / friends to help them out whom might not be able to help out and then would have to live with the guilt..

I have to get back to work now but thought I would give a quick update..

Hope everybody is doing well and keeping on track….

Thanks KPat and Charles appreciate the feedback..

I will continue to post my journey..

Thank you Vera.

The Indian meal was very nice thank you and it is also nice to go out and do things without checking the mobile phone every 5 minutes checking for racing results / football scores.

I know it is a long road but I will keep doing my best to stay on the straight and narrow and appreciate the little things in life like a clear mind and the ability to get through another day without the need to gamble..

I appreciate all the positive feedback as it keeps me going as well as I do not want to let anybody down especially myself..

Take care all and I will keep you all posted..

Thank you.

Hello all..

Well pleased to say I am still gambling free and doing well on the road to recovery..

Since I was last on work has started to get really busy as we see more and more parcels being shipped in the build up to Christmas so not had a lot of time at home due to working days off and doing long hours but when I am at home the laptop is used more for watching films these days than sporting events thankfully..

My counselling sessions are now every other week as I approach my final 5 sessions so these should see me through to the New Year which will be great for going alone and keeping my New Year resolution to take on more challenges and give something back.. work will also go quiet if forecasts are correct so I will be able to crack on with whatever challenges I decide to set myself.

I managed to surprise the missus with a new fire / fire place for the front room that I purchased from Ebay after consulting my mother about available funds in my bank account.

Asked if I could use some of the money I had managed to save up to reward myself but more importantly Marie so she could see the bonuses of me not gambling and to show she does not have to go without because I got myself into financial trouble..

Anyway the fire got me a lot of brownie points and also finishes the room off nicely so it looks all snug and warm for Christmas. I have also used my bargain hunting to purchase some new shelving for the kitchen so again that put a smile on her face. I have also salvaged some wooden planks from the refurb at my mothers house to do some work in the garden next year so keeping myself busy…

So all in all things are going good but still a long way to go yet..

Those are all the positives anyway..

On a negative side and something that has been making me very angry is the number of texts and emails I have started to recieve from loan companies and betting accounts offering me funding and also free bonuses if I sign up for new accounts. I have blocked all the numbers but they continue to send them using international codes or slightly changing the text format.. I am fortunate that I have a strong resolve and I do not want to get back involved with the gambling side but for somebody whom may be struggling this could easily drag somebody back into the hole..

The emails I have been responding to directly saying if they continue to harress me I will take legal advise as a recoverying addict whom has already requested no correspondance from said companies. Hopefully they will get the message..

My counsellor said this is a regular tactic used by the gaming companies / loan companies to try and drag people back in when the seasons change and it becomes dark and miserable.

I just hope other people have not been tempted back in by these under hand tactics..

All in all things are looking good for me but still sit and think why did I get into the mess in the first thing but have to look forward and not back and concentrate on getting the loans paid off and getting my life back to normality..

Back to work for me now but hope other people are doing well and do not be afraid to speak to people about the situation you are in as I have found out a lot more people than you think have been affected by gambling..

Take care all..

Well I had some sad news this week my Uncle whom I help care for died on Monday morning so been a lot of turmoil as had to help support my mum and sisters and the missus whilst coping with the busiest period ever at work so my head has been a bit all over the shop for the last few days..

My Uncle had been struggling with his breathing for the last week or so and his standard of life had dropped so it was hard to see him that way and he could no longer get out with his dog on his mobility scooter and watching him gasp for breath was just awful so it is small blessing but does not make it any easier for all concerned..

As this was my new morning routine I am looking at possibly joining the gym so I am not spending more time at home and hopefully get fit enough to do a charity event next year again as another challenge..

I have not had any urges to gamble thankfully although I am still getting hammered with spam from casino’s offering me endless bonuses.. the only thing that comes from bonuses is dept when you get hooked again..

My mum is off to see my sister in Germany next week so we have put the funeral back until she gets back to England…

Just wanted to log this as better to get things off my chest rather than dwell on them and possible stir the dark demons that lurk within…

Hope everybody else is coping or putting things in place to get a better life away from gambling…

Take care all and good luck with the stopping…

Thank you Vera..

I have put things in place to keep me on the straight and narrow and I may look and see if a local charity might appreciate an hour or so in a morning that is not set in stone..

It is a sad time at the moment but my Uncle would not want anybody to dwell on negative thoughts and it has brought back memories for me of my dad so I am going to arrange something to remember them both…

Thank you once again and I will keep you posted..

I received a text this morning from a friend who owns a horse. He informed me it was running today and I also.got a GG alert with comments for a horse I had flagged up before quitting gambling. As I had the day off and money in my pocket and for a fleeting moment I thought that would make a nice double but dissmissed the thought and stayed at home doing jobs. Heard both horses won but was happier that I had installed 2 new double sockets at home. 😉

Thanks all and I had contacted my friend to say I had stopped gambling previously and have reminded him that I no longer gamble and would appreciate it if he could support me..

As for the GG alerts and other mails I keep getting I think I will have to change my email address and open up a new account and start a fresh.. that way no pay day loans can send me the spam I seem to receive every day..

I appreciate everybody’s feedback and support..

Thanks again..

Good evening all..

After speaking to my counsellor time and time again and trying to establish why I gambled it is still a mystery but sometimes I think was I looking for an escape from the rat race?

I have always worked from a young age but when I got bored off doing a certain job I would up sticks and move on to the next..

My counsellor said I am a non comformist (apologises if spelt wrong) but sometimes I feel like a lost soul whom is looking for the right place to settle.

Just having my eyes opened to life again makes you think why are we here and what is our / my purpose?

No urges to gamble just thinking need to work harder to pursue other goals possibly?

Hello,

It has been just over a month since the last post and I am now 6 month gambling free so things are going well..

I have been very busy at work due to Christmas and we are still busy but I have been allowed a few days off from work to get some rest and chill out so been spending the last few days watching films and basically feeding my face,

The finances are still in check and although I still have a long way to go, but due to me not gambling this has given people faith in me and my mum is going to clear my credit card and I will then pay her back at £300 a month so I do not incur anymore interest on the credit card dept and will be able to pay it off a lot quicker,

I have had my debit card back for over a month now but have stuck to my given budget and even when I have been out for a few beers I have not been back to the bank for more money and have had not had any urges to gamble so that is good,

My counselling sessions are now every 2 week and I think I only have 3 more sessions then they will be coming to an end,

Just hoping my update will give people a glimmer of hope that things can and do get better but it is a hard road and I do not think I am out of the woods yet and everyday I have to remind myself why I cannot go out on a whim or buy things as and when I want but at least I can now plan and think if I stick to my guns in a few years I will be able to afford to treat those whom have helped me out..

The things that have helped me so far are:

Own up and tell people about the issues you have with gambling. Once it is off your chest you will feel better

Self exclude from all gambling sites you have access too

Hand over control of your finances to a family member / friend so you do not have access to money whilst you try and break the habit

Avoid places where you used to gamble and try and distance yourself from people whom you used to gamble with (My downfall was sports betting so I cut all Facebook links and emailed all I used to talk about gambling with asking them not to email me any sports related gambling info)

Block emails from betting companies and texts so they cannot pester you with offers and free bets

Speak openly about your gambling problem with people as it is amazing how many people know or have had issues with gambling and they will offer you support,

Don’t look back look forward and look towards and gamble free future

Do not lose hope if you do have set backs

Stay positive…

Good luck all and take one day at a time..

Thanks Jen3Jen and Vera,

And a happy belated New Year to you also as well,

I will give my credit card provider a call and explain to them my current situation and see if I can get a final settlement figure as nothing lost if they say no..

I just need to get to the end of April and I will see another pay rise and also be another 3 / 4 months into my recovery,

Appreciate the feedback and responses and wish everybody well and the strength to keep pushing in the right direction.

I watched the film the Gambler last night and although it did not live up to my expectations some scenes struck home.

Well another month has just passed and I have spent a little more money than what I should have but it has been spent on things for the house and the garden and keeping the missus happy…

I was mad busy at work over the Christmas period but now things are quietening down a little and I am getting a bit more time at home and I have also been able to take some time off work (Holidays owed) so I have been setting myself little projects…

The first project was building a pallet sofa for the garden that the missus had seen online.. I spoke to my manager at work and asked if I would be okay to take some of the broken pallets from the yard at work and thankfully he agreed so that saved me a couple quid and got the project underway…

As I like things to be right I purchased some deckboards to finish off the exterior of the sofa and make it look like a professional had done it.. I made a small table that has coasters underneath so it slots in and makes another area to sunbathe.. I also purchased some LED lights and made some wooden boxes to house the lights to illuminate the pallet sofa in the evenings.. the project kept me busy for around a week and I have purchased foam for the cushions and some water proof material but I have not finished these yet but should have them done for the weekend. 🙂 The missus is well pleased with the end result and I have friends and family asking if I can build one for them so may be able to recoup some cash once the weather picks up again.. In total it costs me around £200 for the deckboard / lights / wood stain / foam for the seating and material and it is a good investment as I now have a 10 seater sofa in the garden ready for summer (It is a corner sofa so sits nicely on my patio area)

Whilst I was in a building mood I made a new garden gate again from reclaimed timber and I purchased all the hinges and fixtures on EBay for a good price.. the gate took me a day to do but again saved me a good few pounds and kept me outside in the fresh air for a full day and again kept the missus happy…

I have knocked up a few bird boxes and intend getting these mounted around the garden just in time for spring again having something to do and keeping me busy with an end result I can sit back and appreciate has given me a boost as I forgot how much I enjoy building things and creating things that will bring happiness to people…

I also purchased some tools cheap on Ebay from a family relocating to Austrailia so I will be making the most of these in the coming months to make a few extra pounds on the side.

As I had cleared a good part of my overdraft I asked my mother whom is still keeping tabs on my finances if I could stretch to booking a holiday and putting a deposit down,

We had a good look at the money coming in and the money going out to pay off my depts and the answer was yes as long as I did not go mad.. So booked 2 weeks in Tunisia at the end of September so again a target to hit to pay for the holiday and also something to keep me working hard…

Being gambling free is giving me my life back slowly and surely as each day passes by and although It is going to take years to clear my dept I can still do things and look forward to living a normal life..

Sorry to witter on but thought I would give a brief update.

Hope other people can read this and hopefully know there is light at the end of the tunnel…

Thanks for reading..,.

Thank you Vera and Monique..

I have been pencilling in designs today during the day before work and measuring up for my next project,

The missus is happy because I am happy and doing things I enjoy again without being moody and snappy with her. 🙂

Thanks again and I will keep you posted.

Thanks Mav and you are right just deal with one day at a time and look at the positives you will gain from not gambling,

I sometimes feel bad posting as I do not want to rub peoples noses in it so to speak but if you only see the bad then people can lose hope..

I am a positive person and although it has been hard staying on the straight and narrow and I have a lot of guilt still from the mess I created and the lies to love ones..

But if I can do it then hopefully other people can and being able to post up on here lets me keep things in check as I do not want to let anybody down and posting on here also lets me achieve goals (Another month under the belt kind of thing)

I wish you the best on your recovery and hopefully catch up with you on your thread…

Keep up the good work..

Well I had my last counselling session on Wednesday so it feels like one hurdle has already been closed on my chapter to recovery…

I am still gambling free even though I have been mithered to death by people to who will be winning at Cheltenham this week !.

The majority know I no longer gamble but for some reason think I would be willing to look at a race card and advise them on what horse to back.

very frustrating trying to tell people that why would a ex gambler whom is attending counselling encourage somebody else to gamble?>

Somebody whom had been shouting out how good he was and taking bets from everybody that the fav would win the Gold Cup today and anybody whom thought it wouldn’t that he would stand the bet.. well he is out of pocket today as are many more and I am sat here with a cold beer and a nice pizza 🙂

Hello all,

Well another month has passed and I am happy to say I am still gambling free..

Since I last posted I have put the tools I purchased to good use and built a variety of wooden objects to keep busy,

It is a shame I cannot post some of my finished projects on here but when I post them on Facebook and other pages I generally get good feedback,

I am also getting a good shopping list going from people who see my work online and ask me to build them a specific item. So hopefully the hobby can help pay off my depts..

One step at a time as always but feeling good with life at the moment. Work is still hard work but I am thankful I have a job.. The missus moans as we have no spare money but we have money even if it is not spare.. the wood work hobby is keeping me busy and filling the void from gambling but is a positive. and most of all I feel human again.

Hello all,

It has been 5 weeks since I last posted and things are still going well and It has been 10 months now since I last gambled,

My wood working is going well and keeping me busy during the days when I am trying to kill time before work,

I have had a few sales now on the stuff I have building and have just built 3 large planters for a friend and a dog kennel for another one, I still have another dog kennel to build and a bench so plenty going on and as I source all the timber for free from local companies it is bringing me a few extra pounds in to cover beer and the odd treat. 🙂

I still have a lot of dept to pay off but my monthly wage goes towards clearing that and my sales from my creations gives me beer money so it works well,

I have not had any urges to gamble and from when I first started my post a lot of things have changed for the better and I am using my time better and also getting outside come rain or shine..

I hope my posts can bring some hope to others whom may still be struggling as if I can do it then so can you,

Everybody is different and changing habits is hard but it can be done..

Good luck all

Hello all,

Well it has now been a year since I started my thread on here and over a year since I last gambled,

Things are a lot better now in my life and even though I am still very busy at work I am still building things out of wood and making the odd quid here and there selling them,

The garden looks great with new decking and seating I have built and also a new BBQ station so we have a nice outdoor area to chill out and enjoy the odd nice day we get in the UK,

My bank balance looks healthier and even though I have a lot of dept still to clear I am not adding to it and credit companies are now getting in touch offering me loans / credit cards. (This was unheard of 12 months ago)

I have used one credit card to pay off a high interest loan and utilitising the 0% 34 months repayment method,

We have a nice holiday booked for the start of September and I look and feel a lot healthier, (Spending a lot of time outdoors building has helped)

My mind is calm again and I do not wake up worrying about money and have no interest in going back to the dark side,

I hope this post can help other people realise that the gambling can be beaten but you have to work hard to do it and get as much help as possible to keep you on the straight and narrow,

Best of luck all