I have always gambled a little too much , since childhood . After a particularly traumatic bereavement , I couldn’t escape the thoughts in my head, reliving over and over again the horror , One day tried online gambling – I lost quite a bit and then it happened – the big win. I held on to it for a week and then lost it all in about an hour – and with it I almost lost my sanity. I kept trying to win it back but one day realised I was addicted. I joined this site and have been trying to stop since . I have had periods where I have been gamble free. That was about eight years ago and I have been totally gamble free since the start of this year . It is the first time I haven’t taken any short cuts or left a door slightly ajar . This time it’s for real- and it’s such a good feeling not to wake up with that dreaded gambling hangover . It’s also very hard sometimes to resist the urges to gamble. I get very positive support on this site , and I hope others find the same. Today is the first of March and the first day of my third gamble free month . Onwards and upwards .

Thanks you Monica, Alliesmum and Lizbeth. I have just completed nine weeks gamble free. It is so much easier to control the urges now – they Are more like fleeting thoughts but still very frequent . I am kinda inspired by Monica today – somewhere along the way I have lost confidence in my abilities – I settle for safety – maybe it’s time to push myself to apply for new jobs with higher pay . What I once expected to achieve no problem now fills me with fear – I can’t quite explain when or how this happened. I watch people with half my training, experience and knowledge fill these posts without any self doubt . I think maybe I judge myself too harshly and focus on what I don’t know instead of all I do know . Anyway I am about to push myself out of my comfort zone – and start applying. Who knows what the next year will hold . Onwards and upwards .

Hank you Micky and Laura You know Laura you are right – I am trying to do too much too quickly and hen my mind gets boggled ! I have just queries if I could have ADD- my mind flits from project to project. Today a regular everyday occurrence brought home the difference in my “then and now ” life. I always knew the date the bank statement was due . If it hadn’t arrived by Saturday , I always had a plan to get my husband out of the way so that I could grab it and destroy it . Sometimes I insisted he get a lie in and I would ever so slowly make breakfast for him to have in bed . Sometimes I urgently needed something from a shop . Sometimes I sent him to the recycling centre . Sometimes I planned a weekend away just so I could drive way over a hundred mile round trip home to grab the post – I would the return and pretend I had spent the morning looking around the local shops . Sometimes I sent a friend to pick up the post so burglars wouldn’t see it lying by the front door. I was so crazy -and so creative in my attempts to hide the evidence . So this morning I was making everyone a cooked breakfast – because I wanted to ! – and the post came . The dog barked , and I realised it is no longer a huge event in my life . I no longer wait impatiently on the postman with my heart in my mouth, I no longer have to plan days in advance for his visit , I no longer have to rush home from work to make sure I get my hands on the statement . I no longer wake up in fear, planning how to manage huge event of the post dropping through the door . What a crazy way to live .

Monica I will try make the ten o clock – hope u make it

Thank you Laura , Monica , Johnny and Rionagh
,
Tonight strangely I am having very strong urges .
A plan is already half formed in my head- it of course included a win of several thousand .
I so want to gamble – but I so want to keep this sense of freedom and the feeling of having money in the bank.

Life can be such a struggle sometimes

Thank you Jaykay .

Miraculously still on the wagon -barriers stopped me .
For anyone who struggles – make it impossible to gamble.

When you can’t do it , make sure you can’t do it .

Feeling relieved today
.
Could have been such a different day.

Got enough to worry about – woke up feeling anxious about something – is that why I wanted to escape ?

My old coping skills seem to have been replaced by anxiety.

Still gamble free despite all.

Onwards and upwards !!

Thank you Allies mum.
I so admire you going back to study – there are so many access courses nowadays that you may not need A-level- there are so many routes into uni – make sure you get some career advice !

Tonight I was ironing hubby’s shirts ( I must be getting soft ) and I thought he needs some new ones . I then thought I have to get my son some clothes . I then thought I need some clothes . I then thought what about my kitchen ?

I then remembered that if I had gambled last night, I would have spent hundreds – so tomorrow it’s new gear for everyone- And the kitchen will just have to wait another month.

I also made a substantial payment ( for me ) to one of my debts . I am trying to pay a little extra to improve my credit score . I had this idea of clearing my credit card (which I just got a new card for ) and just spending on it so that it helps my credit rating – you might start to see where the crazy urges came from last night – I am unfit to have a credit card .

Anyway enough waffle – time to sleep !

Thank you Micky .
My kid now has the most expensive trainers in the shop (which were reduced to half price but still really expensive lol).
I keep thinking I have lost the plot but I wanted him to remember something that wasn’t bargain basement !

I feel kinda shocked at myself – that money would have kept me gambling for at least twenty minutes – and I would have thought I had cheap night – yet I keep thinking about handing over all that cash today – my thinking is stinking – but my kid looks great!

Good shoes had been a thing of the past in my house – no more !
Onwards and upwards !

Thank you Micky and Nick

Today I complete week 10(I think – getting harder to keep *****).
The urges while still pretty constant are weak – more like passing thoughts .
I have hosted a meal this week and you know my house isn’t as bad as I thought – it makes a huge difference when you are not searching for bargains to cook with . It lifts everyone to get together and enjoy each other’s company.

I still have some major anxieties in my life – I think they will be resolved in the next few months – but cannot stop worrying – thankfully I don’t have to add gambling to those worries.
Financially things are improving a little- still not out of the woods and won’t be for years – but am able to enjoy buying some non-essentials.
I also feel I am making better choices with money in general – I at last , respect money.

This site and the people who support me have been a lifeline for me . 2018 continues to be a gamble free year .

Hi Alliesmum

All is ok – just been doing Mother’s Day stuff .
Hope all good with you .
I feel like I am going through a dry spell with posting .
Happens me from time to time .
Will be back to posting soon !!

Thank you Johnny ,
I always lose track of the days and then I don’t hunk it really matters .
What matters in life is what you have in your pocket to pay for all the things we consider important. Money does indeed matter.
4 months is brilliant – well done.
I m well into month 3 now – it does indeed feel good.

I had a letter today – when I started my repayment plans my biggest visa was over 13,000- today I received a letter and it is now just under 6000. I have been slowly paying it off for years.

I intend adding up all my debts later today. – they must be so much smaller now and it will be good to see the progress . Some are completely wiped out .
I am learning that we can do anything we put our minds to !

Thank you Micky and Monica for your posts.

Happy St Patrick’s day to everyone .
It has been a great day – Went out for brunch, watched the rugby which Ireland won ( sorry my English friends lol) and now making a really late supper.

Turned down several invites to go out and chose instead to spent the time with family!
I have realised that I have two main types of friends – those who drink and those who gamble.
It is strange but somehow I have got to a place in my life where I have no one to go out for a simple cup of coffee with !

That is something I need to work on ! I have a few old friends I can reconnect with! It’s time to take control of my life !

Onwards and upwards !

Thank you Lori and Monica .
I would love to share a virtual coffee with you both !

I am trying to force myself to post – in the past I have found stopping posting results in a relapse .
I find myself becoming fearful about site security again- although I know this time I have left no trail . I wish I could switch off those emails which I keep getting for every post but despite following all instructions several times they keep arriving- who needs an email to tell them there is a post when we can just check the site ?
In the past I ended up deleting my whole email account to stop them.

Life is fairly good – I can now afford things like an impulsive meal out or new clothes but I find I am more frugal than in the past- I really am determined to get that money behind me – my emergency fund .

I am noticing little things – over time I have come to value myself so much less- and I am starting to notice a pattern .

For example this morning hubby decided to pick up breakfast and I thought I would like a nice coffee – he started the usual discussion about how I could make one in the house etc – and I said yeah you are right . I realised afterwards this is what he always does – anything for me is less important and less valuable – so I am going To insist on my coffee – he had a huge breakfast while I only wanted a few items and a coffee and yet I didn’t even get the coffee . He is now out spending money with his friends which is a lot more than my coffee !! A pattern has developed over years and just to drive the point home
I might go and buy myself something nice – (in the past I would have gambled ).
I am realising that this person has gradually sucked the life out of me , I have got nothing I wanted in life and I deserve better!

I have a life I never signed up for but that is going to change !
Onwards and upwArds !

Thank you Laura and Monica .

There has been a huge change in my life – I cannot explain except to say that the compulsive eating slob who has taken residence on the sofa for most of the past decade is gone and been replaced by a motivated ” doer” who can take a piece of chocolate and enjoy it without scoffing half the shop.

So what has changed ? I have valued myself enough to buy myself a really expensive happy supplement -and although it made me very nauseous at first, I suddenly realised that I was off the sofa and turning my garden which could have starred in an episode of “hoarder next door” into a “beautiful tranquil space”- ok that’s maybe an exaggeration but I have achieved so much and am so motivated – it’s just not me ! Maybe I have been lacking b vitamins or something for years – I don’t know but I love this feeling of being like a normal person!
I guess if I hadn’t prioritised gambling I could always have had good supplements and my home and life would have been different.

Anyway – onwards and upwards!!

I

Thank you Laura and Monica .

There has been a huge change in my life – I cannot explain except to say that the compulsive eating slob who has taken residence on the sofa for most of the past decade is gone and been replaced by a motivated ” doer” who can take a piece of chocolate and enjoy it without scoffing half the shop.

So what has changed ? I have valued myself enough to buy myself a really expensive happy supplement -and although it made me very nauseous at first, I suddenly realised that I was off the sofa and turning my garden which could have starred in an episode of “hoarder next door” into a “beautiful tranquil space”- ok that’s maybe an exaggeration but I have achieved so much and am so motivated – it’s just not me ! Maybe I have been lacking b vitamins or something for years – I don’t know but I love this feeling of being like a normal person!
I guess if I hadn’t prioritised gambling I could always have had good supplements and my home and life would have been different.

Anyway – onwards and upwards!!

I

Hi Sara and Monica ,
I have to point out that I am struggling- a lot of days !
Sometimes I try to gamble but can’t because if barriers .
I still every few weeks try !
I have discovered nothing except that I am completely hopeless at beating this , so I have to make it impossible for this to beat me !

The supplement is 5htp.
I took it as part of a general supplement .
Google it an see what u think

Greenwich time zone Sarah – that’s uk !
I enjoy reading your posts – very thought provoking !
Keep posting and it would be lovely to meet you in chat

I have just done the strangest thing

There was someone on here I thought was a friend .

I thought perhaps they had taken sides in a recent ongoings here and I have been quite hurt by their decision (which was not hinted at but not openly expressed ) to ignore me .

I know the people I have had differences with are essentially good people coming from a good place and I know they would never encourage side taking – now that I feel less hurt and emotional I can accept that misunderstandings occur and that some friendships are just best ended – even online ones . It may not be anyone’s fault – just things change, people change and the old relationship does not work any more . It’s time to move on.

So the strange thing I did is I went back and checked old threads and you know what ?
This person wasn’t really a friend to me at all – the friendship wasn’t really returned .
I remember spending over an hour once getting the information for a post to lift this person when things were upsetting them.
That’s me – I tend to do things for others and often it is not appreciated – well maybe that’s not true – it is appreciated at the time. but it doesn’t make them value me any more.

Anyway , this person is not getting another second of my headspace – I haven’t lost a friend. – friends don’t take sides against you – I have only gained a little insight into others and a little insight into me!

And I truth – I don’t need a “friend” like that anyway !

I need the Monica’s, Lisbeths and Lauras of this world !

People who know we will not always agree but can live with that . People who understand that there will be times things which are said upset us – whether it’s just our interpretation or awkwardly worded .
I remember when I was much newer here I thought it was helpful to challenge – but eventually I realised when we are down we do not need further challenges .

Life is for living – people who don’t want us are not worth our head space

Another day when I slept for too long – I forgot to put the clock forward . I feel so disappointed with myself because I missed something I was meant to do.
I have completely lost track of the number of days I have been gamble free but it is getting near to three months – I am going to stop thinking about the time as it keeps gambling too focused in my mind .
I wanted to do great things today but already the day is half over . It’s a bit like my life – half over with little achieved .
What a positive post I am writing today .

Yes Lizbeth ,
I am never too specific about things in my real life except in groups .
That was what caused the difficulties I had before.
Things I had said in group were rehashed on here .
I found it an absolute breach of confidentiality and was absolutely devasted by it . It wasn’t even truth – but another’s perception of what was true in my life – and they seemed unable to le t it go.

I also felt my anonymity was under threat.
I learned the hardest way to share even less.
I still worry about those people exposing me –

But I try to remember that whatever transpired between us they are essentially good people. I do sometimes wake up panicked about it and often dream about it – I feel less safe in life as a result but my fear is lessening as time passes. I still have to check my phone in the middle of the night if I wake up to make sure there is nothing in my emails or posted on here to expose me. It’s not nice .

Some people have picked up on parts of threads and parts of Issues (in my panic I deleted most )and made up their own minds – but I think people who followed the complete events were horrified that one of us could be “outed” by someone we have grown to trust .

It is what it is -I have had the worse 18 months – huge child worries – I would have liked to share and get support but I couldn’t . The events on here added to my distress . Trusting people too much on an online site could completely destroy your life and that of your family . Don’t do it !

I think we all need to remember that everyone goes through bad times – and even if they are writing about gambling or not gambling we have no way of knowing how they are feeling in life or what they are going through .

I felt kicked and battered on here at a time I was holding on by a string . The awful thing is I had shared this with these people in group .

I feel a lot better now – I think things are improving – I hope they are .
I don’t have to tell you Lizbeth that parenting is the hardest job in the world and when things go wrong it rips you to your very core .
I think I’m a good parent – I can let go – I don’t feel the need to control but mostly my kid can come to me when he needs support – my kid says I’m his best friend — of course kids have no idea what it costs us as parents – they don’t understand that while they sleep we get up several times to check that they haven’t done anything silly and the relief to see the red colour in their cheeks and their chests rising and falling .

Life is sometimes too hard as a parent – u try to keep your own stuff together- ur job which is essential, your home which is essential , your finances which are essential and you panic all the time that you are not there to stop anything horrible happening – and feel guilty that u never do enough.

So I’m not sure why I am writing all this but it kind feels better out than in .

Thank you Monica .
I really appreciate your reply .
Today I noticed I did not react , or even want to when someone was nasty to me and tried to blame a decision they took on me
We are all responsible for our own destiny , and it is easy to blame others for our actions , decisions and choices .
We are all adult – if you make a decision – own it !

Hi Laura – was so nice to catch up with you and Monica in group .
I wish GT would go back to the groups which were open all day like you described .
I used to find the longer really useful too and it actually gave the meeting place a purpose !!
It has been so long since I have managed to find anyone in chat .

It is good to see how your life is moving forward and you sound really happy despite your pain .
And it was sooooo nice to chat !

Xx

Hi Sara
I didn’t pick up on any safety issues – I just try to post most active members and give them support – a i know I love to get replies on my thread and I find it really encourages me
.
You are most kind to be so considerate of another member – and to be honest if I had picked up any safety issues I would probably have responded differently .
This site works best when we all offer each other positive support . We all bring a different way to looking at things and none of us know the effects of a genuinely supportive post in anyone’s life .
. Gambling addiction is such a lonely illness – people often don’t get it – we can hardly Figure it out ourselves !

Thank you Sara for your very kind post – it has really lifted me tonight. I hope all is good with you xx

A lot of my old posts have come up marked as new – is that strange ? Makes me feel someone has been editing them?
I will have to read back over them. Has this happened to anyone else – they are from early March ?

I decided yesterday that I am going to force myself to go out more – and visited my local pub with hubby . It is good to get cleaned up and see a few people . I have somehow changed from being a part animal into someone who sits in all weekend – it has kinda crept up on me but no more .

I think Sara’s post about how she lives has really inspired me to get more out of my life . We don’t have to live to anyone else’s standards and sometimes the people who impose the most restrictive standards on us are ourselves .

Life is for living !

I have just made a major and necessary purchase of bedroom furniture – it is not new but was a great second hand bargain – not gambling has meant I had the funds to take advantage of an opportunity which presented itself.
That’s what money give us – the ability to avail of opportunities.

It won’t be delivered until next week so I could have the room decorated before then. I am feeling positive and motivated – it will be a frugal month after all this – but it will be a frugal month in a beautiful room lol!

Never thought I would see the day when second hand furniture would excite me – how gambling has changed me!

Onwards and upwards !

Thank you Monica and Lizbeth .
It is weird about my posts .
This can happen when they have been edited but would have to be done by me unless someone else has access .
This site gets more and more weird !

Thank you Micky for your post.

There is so much I want to write about today but those of you who have been following my thread will understand this is no longer possible for me .

So I guess all I can write is that the time has come to put myself first (well after my son because that’s what parenting is!) and make some life changing decisions .
I have been inspired by Monica, Sara and Laura today .
There are things that tie us to our lives and make us feel stuck – things like Permanent jobs and mortgages .
I am questioning could I survive if I just abandoned these ?.
Could I scale back my life and work less?

I need to make a lot of decisions- I need to understand that I deserve happiness as much as anyone .

Gambling didn’t steal my happiness – gambling masked my unhappiness .

So much I want to write but another “controller” has taken that from me !

Thank you Sara, Monica and Micky for your posts .

Today I want to write about something that god n in my head . Despite not gambling I still think all the time about a windfall.
It is still the idea of the big win but it will come from somewhere else . I wonder could I have paid too much tax for my entire working life and perhaps a letter will land on my doorstep refunding it all .
Lots of similar scenarios circulate in my mind .
In truth I am lazy and I lack motivation- I could quite happily spend my entire life in bed !

If I had that windfall what would change for me? I’m not sure – would i order expensive take-away from bed

I always want the easy way through life- I need to lose so much weight but instead of getting up and moving I lie on the sofa eating chocolate and googling gastric band operations ! (They cost 4000-6000 by the way lol).

I think about going on holiday this year and instead of imagining great times by the beach and pool , I think about the effort in having to walk everywhere without my car.

Everything just seems like too much effort !
Need to force myself to move !

Thank you Sara and Monica
I think when hubby is off work (like during the hols ) the house is just not big enough and I don’t want to do anything ! Today was good because he was working ! Lol.
I met a friend and we went for some really unhealthy fried chicken which was as delicious as it was unhealthy !
It was nice to catch up .
I also made a delicious soup earlier.

Monica – I feel I no longer have goals – I feel my working life is just filling time from now on – I feel the best of my working life is over – it is strange but when I stop to look around I’m not sure I have much outside it .

Monic. I think cosmetic surgery is great if it increases our confidence – and well being- I dream about it too ! And I would love to spend a month in a spa !

Not much else to report !
Ever present urges still there !

Thank you Micky
I will look that up .

Last night I stayed up until 6am watching tv- so now I have just woken and it is afternoon- what a bad choice to make .
Once again I find myself drifting rather than actively making choices .i really need to develop awareness in all areas of my life – I woke up feeling guilty that I had wasted so much of the day.
I need to take control of so many areas of my life !

So yesterday I ended up doing quite a bit – I sorted the junk room and put up a bed in there – I seem to be a little motivated – my “new” furniture arrived and it is amazing – I got rid of some old dated and shabby furniture. My house will get sorted – not over night but over months . It feels like I am doing very little but every half hour counts .
I am reminded today of Kin and his baby steps – I feel like the work I am doing in my house and garden is such baby steps – yet today I was able to sit out in a newly cleared part of the garden and enjoy that first blast of sunshine .

I find myself reluctant to get rid of things like old books – then I remind myself that I will not be poor again and if I need to repurchase one of the many books I am letting go I will have the money to do so. I need a clutter free space for my sanity !

I organised to go out for a meal with a friend I haven’t seen in a few years – she was delighted – we are going into the city and going to go somewhere nice – I will ignore my husband’s snide comments about me having a night out – he has plenty of nights out – and enjoy it – I have an clothes I can wear so that cuts down on stress . I really need to get some summer clothes.

Today even though I didn’t get to sleep until six this morning (routine not good ) I forced myself to get out of bed at ten – it is amazing how much the early morning sunshine lifts our spirits. I think that is going to be something I force myself to do daily – get up earlier – I tend to like my bed too much !

I am seeing snippets of what can be – I keep remembering Kin’s baby steps – when I take enough of them I will have come a long way .

Just realised I am into another gamble free month- still think about gambling a lot but thinking is better than doing .

Onwards and upwards .

Thanks Sara , Lily and Paul.
Kinda another day wasted .
Heading out for a meal tonight with a friend I haven’t seen in quite a while
.looking forward to some nice food I don’t have to cook .
Can’t seem to get motivated today .
Really need visit to hair dresser but l have to fix Roots at home as didn’t get up in time .

Everything seems too much effort today . I need a detox !

Monica – I think maybe the universe sent me a sign that I am to hang around longer lol. Cant really write about it here but after I posted something happened which screamed at me that God is looking out for me .

I guess I should ***** my blessings- but as we are talking about being real – they just seem less than everyone else’s !

I have discovered the real secret !
Wine and food with friends.
Getting dressed up and applying tan!

Problem
Is it all costs money .

Money is the secret to happiness – I am happy tonight – had an expensive meal and wine – and then some more wine ! Will struggle financially this month cos of unexpected expenses and will have to once again dip into the new kitchen fund !
One step forwards two backwards !

Money is happiness – we have been deceived all along !

Thank you everyone for your replies . Money is important for happiness but we don’t need millions I guess!
I am back to work today after Spring break and I guess I have to go because I need the money !
I am not allowing negative thinking to creep in this morning.
I have had a reasonable amount of sleep (5hours ) before I woke up and instead of fighting to get back to sleep I have embraced the morning and decided to enjoy the feeling of being awake and relaxing in bed . That is one of my new gifts to myself – a calm start to every morning by waking up early !

Life is good – I am privileged to have a well paid job .i woke to my “new” bedroom furniture – I have a healthy family and I am healthy . The birds are singing outside my window and everything is ok in my world !
I need to ***** my blessings and start practicing gratitude again ! I am ok !

Thank you Laura and Sara .
Two main things this week.
I spent hours one night trying to gamble – definitely nowhere near controlling this addiction – I am relieved to say my barriers were too high ! I guess I will never control it but I can stop it controlling me !
Second thing – I am reaching for the stars, changing the constant negative self talk and actually applying for a very senior position- at this stage I feel this is the first step to regaining my confidence – but who knows what will happen if the stars align.

I hope I’m making the right decision- and I hope I do myself proud even if it is not “the job “!

Onwards and upwards

Thank you Sara for your reply. I would appreciate if you could post details of the cd.

I find myself surprised that people are taking my idea of applying for a much more senior post so seriously and offering me real help. This is new for me and just goes to show what happens when we value ourselves more . While I don’t think his will be my time it is so encouraging to see that others have no problem seeing me in this post … I kinda find myself asking – why not me ?

I bought a new multi vitamin and mineral and have just realised I have stopped nail biting and also that the urges have gone . I chose a supplement with iodine because I felt I might be low in it . After googling to see if this could have made a difference (no research at all to support this ) I went and rechecked the ingredients in my supplement – yes it has NAC. I have found NAC to be a miracle supplement in taking away urges but after a few days my tummy gets very ill. In this formula I am not having urges but neither am I feeling ill- I feel really great and energetic actually .

Got to go – dinner almost cooked !!

Thank you Sara and Laura
I will definitely check out those links – seem to be really busy right now .
Today my son has exams and is so nervous – I wish I could take the difficult things in his life from him – but I know he will survive it! I find myself feeling really anxious about him . It is hard to let go and let him walk his own path .
So once again I find myself reaching to God in prayer – I seem to only pray when I want something . I prayed a lot when I was gambling – I prayed for a cure .
Must rush – work is calling

Thank you Sara and Laura for your posts. I see it has been a week and a half since I posted here . I seem to have been incredibly busy. I managed to write a few posts and then ran out of time. Also I am on a new supplement and I now get tired in the nights rather than being the night owl I have always been surviving on five hours sleep.

Today I am thinking about my meagre savings . There are things I definitely need . I need a new kitchen and I need a new car. Howver I want a holiday- not for me so much but for my son and husband who deserve it .

Now how do I choose?

I am hoping my car will not give up the ghost for another year- then I will buy something smaller and cheaper ( yes my car was big and flashy once – so no big shot mentality there !)

The kitchen is no longer going to be the dream, glossy magazine affair I have been imagining. Or it might be but it will be done in stages. So this year it will be a new fitted kitchen and later I will knock walls and move doors. I have never been in a house with a worse kitchen so this is really a priority.

As usual I am impatient .

On the positive side I have been doing a lot of catching up with friends . It is clear that some friends bring nothing positive to my life and others makes me feel wanted and “at home”. It is a good time to prioritise who I want to spend my time with . I no longer want to waste my time on people who bring me down and are always on their own agenda .

My life is plodding along fine. It is hugely improved by not gambling and even better now that I am no longer tortured by urges all the time. My mind is free to concentrate on other things .

I guess I’m kinda happy !

Thank you Sara for your post .

Checked the bank yesterday – it’s starting to look quite healthy. Perhaps if I work at it I can have all the things I want . Quite healthy means I am not skint trying to stretch out my last few pounds until payday.
Got to run to work – which seems less of a burden now that I am actually starting to see some results from it .
I am blessed to have a well paid job and blessed to have the health to go to it .
Onwards and upwards !

Thank you maverick – I use bad language a lot so my vocabulary must be very limited .
I am sooo tired this evening – I have a huge workload and currently seem to be working very long hours – hence I have been too tired to post much . I also have been too busy to think about gambling.

Life is generally good and I am looking forward to payday .
This will be another month I haven’t dipped into my savings which feels good .
Not much to report – family life trundling along – no major excitement right now
.i guess that’s good !

Hi Laura
I never thought about that before – how lowering expectations can enhance happiness .
It’s so true. I guess even as parents – we give birth, dream of the great heights our children will reach and somewhere along the way we usually have to accept that they are people in their own right and will make the mistakes we did (hopefully not the addiction ones though!) and find their own way . It may not be the way we had imagined their lives turning out ,but when we lower our expectations we can enjoy our kids instead of beating ourselves up about where things went wrong ! I guess it’s the same with most things in life .
I really like that – it is kinda liberating – I am one of those people who never really achieve because of my lofty ideas – for example – I am quite good at decorating but when I decide to decorate I decide I need new skirting boards , then I think I need new doors and door frames , then I think I will need the surrounding plaster touched up so in actual fact nothing gets done .

I never thought of it like this before – but fresh paint looks a lot better than old chipped and dirty paintwork.

It sounds so simple but it really feels like This could be on a cure for my procrastination. Lowering expectations means something gets done instead of nothing !

Onwards and upwards !

Today is payday (i hope).
I am meeting friends later for a meal and my first thought was i need to get something new to wear.
It’s that impulsiveness that I have to fight against. I do this all the time and spend too much and still haven’t got decent clothes.
Today i will make do and when i go shopping I will buy things that are chosen carefully and that i can get lots of wear out of.
Taking the time to think – not jut about gambling but about all those small decisions in my life, especially those that involve money, will make a long term difference. It is a comfortable feeling to know that I now have access to money should an emergency arise. I need to focus on continuing ti build those savings but also I need to have extra left over in my regular account so I do not have to dip into those savings all the time.

So for today its a re-wear- I bet no-one even notices!

onwards and upwards

It’s a little thing but another month has passed where I had nice things happening (like meals out ) and yet I didn’t run out of money. I feel inspired today reading Laura ‘a thread – when things are going well it is easy to forget how motivating A now and then post can be. It is easy to forget in the relentless cycle of urges and successes (and sometimes slips) that life can get so much better.

In recent months I find this forum extremely helpful and motivating – after almost a decade on here my brain must be starting to get it . I appreciate the helpful and uplifting posts so many take the time to write . I am just about to start month five – who would have thought i could do it ?

Today I am doing long neglected house work- today I am seeing a good future .
Today I am happy and I feel connected and supported thanks to the lovely people in my life including those on here .

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Thank you for the encouraging posts Lizbeth , Monica and Laura .
Today I am pondering on how much my life has changed – the dreaded urges which distracted me from everything seem to have gone – it took them a long time and no doubt they would still be here is it wasn’t for the supplement I am took .

Laura wrote once about lowering your expectations- I guess it’s another form of acceptance .
I had huge expectations of everything – I could never get my kitchen done as I needed to wait til I could afford an amazing glazed extension and to get the garden outside the glass landscaped – I have watched too many rich people on tv shows!

I have let go of my expectations for just about everything except for treating people with respect and compassion . I expect to be treated that way and I expect to treat others like this !

The biggest change has been my family – I have a very happy family! I have had been very specific with people about how they must speak to each other ! Words damage! We don’t need people to point out our faults ( under the guise of telling it as it is , straight talking or any other self appointed authority) -we need people to invest in mirrors lol!

I started my healthy eating plan three days ago and am delighted to see the first signs of weight loss . I guess because I have put on so much weight I will see much more immediate results . It has motivated me to keep going . I have decided that I deserve to be slim and to wear nice clothes as much as anyone else .

Something interesting just happened – we have a long weekend – hubby went out to two matches in the afternoons – today I said I was going to beauticians for an hour and he asked could I wait until he is in work as this is his day off ! I almost said yes but now I have realised that I need to show him that my needs are just as important – it was so subtle I almost missed how he considers himself more important . So that me off for a pedicure!

It got me thinking about how we value people – in our lives do we feel some people are more important than others? . Do we feel people from our country are more important than people from other countries ? Even here online , do we feel some members are more important than others ?

i guess none of us anywhere are indespensibe and we all end up the same in the end !

I like to remind myself that we are all equal so then how can I waste thousands while children around the world starve ? We are all equal I guess – we just don’t have equal wealth.