Hi all!
This year I turned 38, I am a registered nurse and my husband is a cop.  We have what some would say is a pretty good life- if they do not REALLY know us. If they dont know we are CG’s. We have gambled away every penny we have and have borrowed from every resource we could just to get even and lose it all again. 
I have a 12 year old son who has spent more than half of his life wathcing my husband and I on a self destructive road to no where and we have forced him along for the ride.  I am feeling sooo guilty and low today. 
It started the year we met for me- but about 5 years prior for my husband who used to live in Nevada.  He took me to Wendover for a weekend- we had a great time eating and drinking and gambling.  Later the same year then flew to Vegas a few times and also had a great time.  Then Indian casinos opened in our home town about 5 years ago and we have spent every penny we can get our hands on at the local casino.  Its been terrifying and destructive.  My heart aches for my son who has spent soo many nights alone because we "just stopped by the casino" and ended up spending the entire night  spending every penny in desperation to get our money back only to come home flat broke and stressed. 
Last week we were shopping for groceries and my son kept putting items in our cart and when I said Hey thats really expensive- he looked at me with a smug look and said – So I will put this back so you can save your money for the casino.   OOOHHH Stabbing pain in my heart.  He is my light and I love that kid more than anything so how can I be such a bad mom to him?  I daydream about hitting a jackpot and all the great things I would buy for him and the vacations and so on but he really just needs me to be the mom he deserves- there for him and…healed.   
I am not sure my husband and I can survive this marriage if this continues but I HAVE TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER FOR MY SON! I put myself through nursing school so my son could have a "good life" and we have a great shot at it if we can just stop gambling.  My husband refuses to go to GA with me but he did agree to self ban for the next six months.  I am praying we can get through this and I hope this site helps.