Hello..
Im excited about joining the website.
My gambling began very casually . When i got ill 5 years ago and the doctors couldnt help me i turned to gambling therapy.
The medications and therapists could not help and my condition deteriorated.
I was diagnosed with depression anxiety attacks, thyroid condition. Then after a car accident and further experiences my back started to cause pain, and for 3 yrs up until now is now a chronic condition. I wake up with extreme pain and burning in my upper back. My boss who is a healer says its emotional.
I dont work much because of my health issues but im trying to get on track.
Im 27, female
I moved out for 8months last year and that was the only time  stopped gambling and not felt the urge too, i had resposibilities and id do anything not to go back home, pay rent forever it didnt bother me at the time. Because the toxicity at home and emotional abuse and lack of support made my condition worse and worse.
I didnt have emotional support from family and up until today i dont.
I get constantly blamed and ridiculed about all the money taht i have lost int eh last few years and that i have invented my sickness.
They never understood and now i see gambling was a cry for help, it was saying i was hurting.
Now i work once a week in a spiritual shop, i did some massage work before that and moved out. but my back never gives me a chance to enjoy life and work.
REturning home wasnt easy i was pressured to because they made me feel gulty but i did tell them that coming back home has made me gamble again.
Right now i have given my younger brother authority to manage a bank account, but i still gamble some, slowly i am making progress. It feel like the only relief and way to escape my home and my back aches depression and mental confusion is by gambling.
I am seeing a doctor and again wasting time with medicines that dont do anything. my reiki therapist is a great role model and mentor for me and i am glad i have met her.
My priority now is to be able to forgive myself slowly and accept the situation and cope constructively. This forum is a great start.
It is so important to have a sense of responisbility and passion for your lives journey otherwise we can go astray lose sight of what really important and feel like lost souls.
Yes i do wish i never got ill, because i dont know when i will ever rise above all this. But i also will not feel guilty and ashamed of my gambling because i was so down at the time i ha dnowhere else to turn. imagine the doctors saying we cant help you. Now i have found the right support and love from friends. Thank goodness for true friends.
Not all of us are born into families who can understand and support us, and it hurts, now we need to rise about feelings of guilt and the need to prove or earn their respect and approval. I am who i am..and i know what i have suffered. Only greatness and love can come from this.
So right now i am sitting on my bed typing really tired and in pain..
In the last 5 years i have learnt and still am learning alot about life and the human condition. I have dwelved into a world which i never thought existed, spirituality, naturopathy, massage,healing. MAybe this is my true path i just had tofind out the trully hard way.
Thats my story. Thankyou for reading and i appreciate that you care:)
xoxo
soulful