@Callmecrazy Like I said for us CG’s it’s just impossible to win even if we win a million. It would not matter u know we cannot win. We can’t handle the euforia of winning and all the dopamine that’s been released. When I won big amounts of money I was still battling with myself not to play anymore. The dopamine combined with adrenaline is so dangerous.. We do things we don’t want to do. So many times I won and could get out of debt and trouble but I didn’t.

@Steev I have been following your progress buddy. The only time we win is only when we stop gambling forever. Gambling is the worst thing u can do. It will make a monster out of you. I never stole a pen in my life. Gambling made me a thief, lier and a manipulator towards my family and friends. I think a gambling addicting is underrated. People do not understand they think u are just dump flushing your money down the toilet. It is more then that. It’s the most horrible addicting a person can have. The suicide rates tell it all.

Today I am quite positive and numb I am not even mad at myself anymore like I used too. I’m kinda relieved that the money is gone so I cannot gamble anymore. I know I can’t win. I have won most of the time playing roulette but I never walked away and I probably never will. Not in a few months, years or lifetime. Every new day is a new battle. I don’t want to lose all what still is left from this ravage. I just have to forgive myself, forget and live on.

Thanks for your replies guys wish u all the best fighting this battle against the devil.

Matter of a fact is a normal person would not even gamble a dollar. And the normal people who would gamble do this once a year. Then u can win. But if u gamble for a year two three or more you are nothing but a problem gambler. U have to know this is an addictive thing. We are all different people with different personalities and different jobs. But the addiction, the feelings and the things we go through are all the same. People who know I won that kind of money. They don’t understand why I didn’t withdraw. Because I still got goals in my life. I want to start my own business. I still do. It would be a lot easier if I had that kind of money but I don’t.

Accept the fact u will never even win. Gambling is a big fat lie. Tell yourself u are not a gambler every single day and that you don’t know how to gamble. If i knew everything I know now. I would just pay someone the money I owe in debts just not to have that feeling of being worthless, desperate, stressful and hurt. Not only for myself but also for the people close to me. 

This addiction can drive u to madness and u can lose everything in your life and even take your own life. It can make u suicidal. Only thing we can do now accept the fact. The damage has been done and u can’t turn back the time. That time and your money is gone. Don’t get in the same circle again. U will selfdestruct your life. It just isn’t worth it. Life can be great appriciate the small things in life that you still owe. Set new goals and crush them all.

Wishing you guys the best!

Thanks for your support @Steev. Hopefully we will win against the devil.

So like I said today I feel great no urges to gamble anymore. I hope it stayes like this. I am numb even though I lost 15k that could pay off all my debts and start over again. I know if I would take the money and walk away. I would be back the same or the next day.

Luckily my mom and gf did not notice any weird emotions. Normally I would been broke and pale for a few days. I still can laugh.

I don’t want to be in that circle anymore. I see it as another mistake I made. This time without so much damage because I can pay my bills and debts. I remind myself it could be different.

Day 2 of no gambling is on the way. Have a nice day!

When we win something then we think we are the expert and will beat the casino. But we forget that if that was the case then they would have been bankrupt not us. Gamblers can not control themselve if they loose few bets, that psycholigical effect we can not control over it. So in the end we loose everything and cry. When we play then we dont go to any blogs and forums to read about gambling. We come here when we reach at the rock bottom. I know and I believe everyone here know themselves how they are feeling about it. We ruin out happy living life for this gambling.

So here is day two or should I say day one. I recalculated my bets comparing it with bills and bankaccount. I was 300 euro short for bills. Instead of finding ways to pay these bills. Input 100 euro on my gambling account to make that 300. I blew the 100 in a blink of a eye. Luckily I can pay my rent otherwise they would kick me out for real this time. I’m not planning to do this again. I’m playing with some dragonfire here. Only way to get the money I need is to sell something and now gamble.

Epic isn’t it? Few days you are up 15k the next day u don’t gave money left to pay the bills. I will not press the replay button again gotta look forward.. Think about my future!

Thanks for reading…

Thanks for your feedback Steeve I always see you help others fighting this nasty addiction. I respect you for that sir. What I typed earlier whas indeed a typo as I’m typing from my phone. 

I do realize this sickness it’s hard to climb up when your so much down already. I almost hit rock bottom but I won’t let that happen. I’m ready to fight myself. I’ve been here before.

Accepting the current situation and the fact time and money is gone is hard for anyone. As long as I do that 100% I can make it. I never had a problem with alcohol or drugs even thoug I’m an addictive person.

As for support I think the world doesn’t see how serious this gambling addiction is. It’s worst than any other addiction. Yet there is now enough help. 

Let’s hope we all make it!

Have a nice weekend buddy. 😉

Thank you for your support I really appreciate it. When u stop gambling the first thing u need to do is learn how to value money again. Before I was gambling my money management was on top. I never missed a payment and I could spend money without any problems. Like everyone else it started from small wins and went bad. I’m just the one who loves money and hates losing. It got to the point I would never imagine going too. I made numbers some would dream off but still it was not enough for me. I hope I don’t have to rely on luck anymore and get it by myself. Because gambling is a big fat lie. I almost lost everything I build. All my friends I knew I lost because of this addiction. The most important thing is I didn’t loose my mind. Some would kill themselve what I have been through. I don’t want to play the victim here but it is alsno not my fault I don’t know how to gamble. Back in the days I never knew how a rich person could gamble his money away. I know now! Only hope for us is to stop gambling forever. I just hope life will give me better things in life because I have been to hell and back so many times. You are very right when u wrote on your journal it’s not about the money. It’s more about the time. I’m looking forward to invest my time in better things.

Wish you well!

Hi all, I’ve managed to not gamble this weekend even though I haven’t payed some of my bills in time. The most important bill is my rent money and the debt I own them. So I pushed back other payments so I could do this as it’s the first priority. Otherwise I would get be kick out this month. It is so ironic. One day u won big money the next day u can’t pay your own bills in time.

I have been in this situation so many times but I really know now gambling is never an option. If u ever think u can controll yourself when making bets. U would be playing yourself.

I’ve also put some things for sale just to get by this month. As I have no money to do foodshopping. Hopefully this will get me through the month. Even tho I’m against selling my personal stuff it’s a pain in my hearth I got to do this over again.

Luckily don’t feel the urge to gamble. As long as I can keep my house nothing else really matters.

As I’m laying here on the couch I was thinking about my own life and how everything got me so far. In a big mess. What started as an excitement playing a game to win some extra’s ended up as a battle for life.

I simply could not forsee this was going to happen to me. Not in this way. I always been good with money management and financial outcome. Never spend my money on things I didn’t need. But they say casino is a devils game. In my early age a friend of my mom had an gambling addicting and I never knew what and why he was a addict. As he would work hard for his money to have a nice income. But at the end of the road lost everything and in hudge debts. Also I could never understand why rich people gamble? Seing all this money flooding away and how much I lost on gambling I really know now.

We were all destined to lose from the start. As we have a problem in our brain when we gamble. The thrill, dopamine, adrenaline and the rush we can’t handle like other people do.

I’m staying positive and having a bright future in front of me. But a couple of questions still do haunt me. What if my business will be successful and I will start to make money and profit. Will I still be urged to gamble with that money or not?? This is what really scares me the most. I hope my money management will be good as before.

I hope and really wish to stay gamble free for the rest of my life. I survived things that others would go insane or suicidal about. I just got to stay strong and move forward in life.

Dear all,

I have come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can never relax. I want to make you jumpy, nervous, and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable.

I want you to be confused and depressed, so that you can’t think clearly and positively. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past and you’ll never be able to let go of. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but me for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you feel fearful and paranoid for no reason at all. I want to make you wake up all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can’t sleep without me, I’m even in your dreams. I want to be the first thing you think about every morning and the last thing you think about before you black-out.

I’d rather kill you, but I’d be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, another institution, or jail. But you know that I’ll be waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly go insane. I can’t help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake; when you freeze and sweat at the same time; when you wake up with the sheets and blankets soaking wet. It’s amusing to watch you ignore yourself; not eating, not sleeping, not even attending your personal hygiene.

Yes, it’s amazing how much destruction I can be to your internal organs while at the same time working on your brain, destroying it bit by bit.
I deeply appreciate how much you are sacrificing for me. The countless good jobs you have given up for me; all the friends that you deeply cared for, you gave up for me.
And what’s more, the ones you turned yourself against because of your inexcusable actions. I am eternally grateful, especially for the loved ones, family and the more important people in the world that you have turned yourself against. You threw even those away for me!

But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend. After you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living HELL, mind, body, and soul. For I will not be satisfied until you ARE DEAD, my friend.

Forever Yours,
Love from your addiction