I have been in the process of handing over the finances.. At first I resisted, even protested against the idea….But as of today, I now use a prepaid debit card, and do not have access to credit, or even my bank card. I will live on a reasonable “allowance” deposited on the prepaid card weekly. I am actually excited to know that if I lapse, I can do very little damage…however, the goal today, and every day is not to lapse. My marriage is getting to be in a better place, because my wife has seen a much more concerted effort put forth by me…such as my participation on these forums, and the financial blockers we are putting in place… Part of me is sad that I can’t just stop on my own, and on my terms, but I’ve tried in the past to stop… it is much better and safer to keep the extra money out of my hands. And as far as counselling goes, it was against every moral fiber of my being once upon a time…but once I gave it a try, and opened my mind to it, it is very practical, and extremely helpful……but we need to want to allow that help to have it be beneficial….and I am grateful for it.

Thank you Laura. Because of my job it is difficult to attend meetings. I have found great support on this sight. For now I have to trust myself, and with the support of my wife and life coach (I like that term better than counselor), hope I make the right decisions every day to come. I wish you the very best on your journey, and if I can be of any support or assistance please let me know.

Thank you for your reply. I am finding quite a few forums that just seem to end.. Hopefully we can all gain support from one another. I think I am fortunate that my “issues” seem more mental than physical, because I find myself not longing for the rush. There is no doubt I “loved” the rush… but like anything bad for you I don’t love it as much as I thought I did. Good Days ahead on your journey!!

53 days.. way to go.. Are you like me where each day gets a little easier.. I’ve noticed my triggers aren’t as strong. Even if the urge creeps in, it is easier to dismiss it thinking of the hard work I need to do to regain some of the broken trust with my wife. I really hope I can get back to where it was, but unfortunately, I think this will stick in the back of the mind for a very, very long time… Good Luck… One day at a time

Thanks for the advice. I am actually proud because I had suggested this concept to my wife and marriage counselor prior to finding gambling therapy online. I have to admit, there is a little psychological stigma once you have an allowance, but the reality is I put myself in this position. If I would have been more sincere with my wife, and did this years ago, when we started dating, how much better off would I be today????
Honestly, I don’t want to think about the past anymore. There are new days ahead, fresh paths to take, and a lot of wonderful experiences to have that will make the old memories fade away….good riddance!
ps
Today is a good day… no gambling for me…again!

Hi Laura
Thank you for the kind words. One thing I am slowly realizing is even when I have gambled under control, I still lost massive amounts of money. $50 here $100 there, multiple times a week really ads up. In the forums, the devastating losses always seem to be the ones that push us to look in the mirror, but I hate to even thing of the thou$ands of $$$ that has gone out the door “responsibly” gambling. I just came out of Christmas with a significant amount of spending, and I am not broke….I am not broke, because I haven’t pissed anything away. Going into the new year, this is the first New Year that I can expect to save money because I do not plan on losing any!
Happy New year
John

Hi Kathryn
I agree with you about the self worth. Outside of the financial burden caused, the shame and self pity was the worst for me. I have struggled with self esteem most of my life, and never felt more pathetic than asking for financial help, and hiding my habit. Stepping back and taking it all in. Going through the stages of addiction/grief
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
–sadness in a sick way because I was convinced that I enjoyed playing…..which I am sure I did….however, winning was just a delay in the inevitable losing that was to follow!
Still on the right path. Actually lost track of the exact number, but I know the effort is the best I have ever put forth!!!

The nickels and dimes add up huge. I wonder if we all quite while whenever we were head small amounts, it would be the casinos, and bookmakers writing to each other on the forums. I always had a twisted dream when I gambled feverishly. (Blackjack was my game, and I lost thousands, upon thousands on the Riverboats in Illinois)….I had wished I would hit it huge (enough where I couldn’t possibly lose it all back) and as they were kissing my ass like the phony bullshit Casino’s do, I would self exclude and leave on top. Too bad that the only true part of that story is that I self excluded….which in turn may have been the very best first step towards taking control of my life back. Funny I though that the self exclusion from the boats would curb my playing…that is when the dogs, and the machines started. Bastards. They take advantage, and for years I let them. My turn to be in control. (I hope)

I have re-read all of the wonderful posts made on my forum. I recognize that Gambling Therapy might be the best part of my recovery so far. I get a sense of pride when I can offer advice to try to help others struggling, and odd sense of relief knowing that I am not alone in the struggle, and a sense of sadness when I see so many people in the grip of something so strong.
But most of all, I see the resolve of a group of people, who have struggled with a major issue in life, all trying to make it better. This isn’t a glorified recovery. It is something mainstream society doesn’t understand, but the struggle is real. I have said it before….I am very proud of each and everyone of us for trying to make our lives better! There are bumps in the road, as we all know, but we do have hope, and with the support of all of you/us we can help each other make a positive difference in our lives!!

Just under 3 months gamble free for me… I don’t remember the exact date… I just know I started on GT about 30-45 days after my last ill fated attempt.
I am not bragging, but I hope that anybody who thinks it is impossible, use me as an example….I refused to stop, I didn’t care if it was possible…but then one day it clicks… I hope I can keep it going!!!
I know I will not gamble today…and that is all that matters… one day at a time, and it is not so hard!
God Speed!!

I am over 4 months gamble free. I am updating this because I have seen some new people on chat recently, and I hope my story can help at least a little bit.
Bravo to all of us who have tried to control the beast, and to those of us who relapse, do not feel ashamed… Just try to get yourself right, and use the support that is available to us!
Hope all of you have a great run at life!!!

It is good that you are here.  The cycle never ends.  The chase is where we all fail.  The only way to guarantee that you won’t lose more is to not play.  It is the most simple of advice, but if we never played, would we all have the money that we have lost?  We never know hat could have happened if we never played…but at this point in my life, it would take a miracle to just be even again….And you know what, if we won it all back, we would piss it away again.  That is the truth, and the truth hurts sometimes.  

Best wishes for you on your recovery.  One day at a time!!

Johnny b