Originally posted by Chubbycat

Hi everyone Just writing to say that i am still here, still trying to get better and be a better person….  Today my plan is to … … …
Good morning Cc,
It looks like your real plan for the day is to not gamble; not gambling allows you to do the other things, even if they require a little more thought and effort, that you would not be able to do if wasting your time and energies gambling.  Not gambling allows you to remember and return to the love of things that was ****** from you by this addiction.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Go about your days "with a song in your heart".LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

Sounds like you had a nice day Chubbycat. 🙂
Remember that life is good and enjoy.
Cheers

Stormy."The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket."

Happy New Year CC.  It’s only a little after 10pm here in Eastern Washington.  My husband is asleep in his chair, the dog is snoring and I don’t think I’ll be up much longer either.  Hope you get some sleep and 2013 starts off great.

Yep, giving in will be feed the addiction and the urges will be more often and stronger.  Good for you in fighting them off and not giving in.  I know it’s hard! You’ll be proud of yourself tomorrow.  I am proud of you today.

Dear (((CC)))! You haven’t posted since you spoke of awful urges, but I’m believing that you made it through unscathed, and didn’t gamble. You shared what the difference is now with you when you get urges. You’re able to reason things out in your brain, instead of running off gambling. Do you have a project that you’d like to do like repaint a room or a porch? If so, why not have the brush, the paint, etc handy when you have a day where your addiction tries to suck the life out of you , by being so relentless. Start painting, do meditation or deep breathing exercises till you feel relaxed. Our addiction wants us to start off the year by gambling so that it is in control, not us. So that we feel like failures, instead of the rock stars that we are. Carole 

My advice (((CC))) is not to take a break. I would use the forum to get stuff out, whether you’re feeling good or low. Carole

I would be saddened if you do. Know that the site doesn’t just help in your recovery you help others in their recovery as well. I wish you the best whatever you decide but will miss hearing from you.

Dear (((CC)))! I have to agree with SG. You don’t just help yourself, you help others. I love getting a post from you. For some people a break is code for gambling. No accountabliltity!! Not saying that it’s that for you. Carole

HI Chubbycat, I just wanted to say I hope you are well and wish you all the very best, in my opinion and only my opinion I would stick around the site, if you don’t feel like posting then don’t but it is still good to read, in all honesty I have only really started posting again today and hope I will be able to keep posting as I think this site has a great community and I know it has been a massive help in my recovery, I always read all the posts of here and have done since I have been in recovery, since I started my recovery I have to say this site and more important the people on it have helped me so very much, so thats my opinion for what it is worth but I have to say ……… you have to do what you want to do and just follow your heart and all will be well, take care my friend and always good to read your thoughts, wish you well love Maverick.

Glad you’re still posting and encouraging others Chubby!  You would be missed if you left so I’m hoping you’ve decided to stay.  Whatever you decide, never give up trying to stop gambling and make your life better.  You deserve a great life.

Dear (((CC)))! You have changed because you’re right back here. I have made a lot of changes yet today I had the urge to gamble and stood there debating with myself whether I should gamble or not. Dust yourself off and keep working recovery because you and your small family deserve it. We’re not all or nothing people anymore. Progress not perfection! Carole 

Hi CC,
I had a conversation with a friend a couple of nights ago. We were talking about relaspe-and why in the h*ll we would do it. I know when I went back out last year I had lost hope. After 16 months "clean" I had a momentary doubt, that everything I had done was a waste of time. Who the heck was I kidding? I was worthless, nothing was changing, that my life sucked.
I believe the reason we go back to the casino is because we are trying to recapture the "good" gambling days, when gambling was fun, when it was a friend, a date, something to do. I was never bored, as I was always trying to figure out how to obtain the cash this week so I could go have some "fun". Too bad when we relaspe the part we forget about, "the pain", thats now the only thing waiting there. The "fun" left us the day we became compulsive and crossed the invisable line.
Let me reassure you CC your progress is HUGE! I’ve know you almost 3 years now and I can see the growth in you, the maturity, the reasonable side, the non CG CC.
Don’t go hide. Don’t be ashamed. Every CG’s journey is different, some of us seem to hit more rough patches than others, some of us "get it" sooner.
You know "going away" from your thread will most likely lead to more gambling. I don’t believe you want or need it.
I for one am proud of you CC! Don’t run and hide. You need GT and WE NEED YOU!
love ya,
bettie

Hey CC, Sorry you are feeling low.  Sorry that it comes with the territory of gambling.  I stopped on the way home from the hospital.  new casino.  Nothing new about the experience.  Similar to yours.  Feeling very low.  5 months is wonderful.  Focus on recovery and your success.  I still believe in 2013 as a year of recovery.  All the days of recovery are more powerful than one day of gambling.  i am ready to get back on the road.  How about you??

(((CC))), I feel your pain when you slip/gamble after neraly 5 months gamble free.  Please keep coming back and posting and let us help support you. You can’t change the fact that you gambled so let it go and don’t let the feeling of I have gambled anyway I will go back again one more time.  We all know that nothing changes – we *** to ourselves and say – maybe this time I will win; be able to stop; just to get my money back then I will leave and on and one we go.  The hardest part is that after we go that once – just like a **** – we do want it again so when those urges/thoughts come – decide that you are not going to let your addictive mind take over.  You can do it!!!
You are doing great and you are a fighter so I know that you can fight this.  It is past so forget it and move on you are a wonderful person and deserve to have a gamble free light!!!!  Please don’t forget that you had nearly 5 months gamble by focusing on one slip!!!!!
 One day at a time my sweet lord…

Originally posted by chubbycat
…  Not very happy with myself …
Dear Cc,
Not being very happy with yourself after gambling again I believe is a natural feeling that is benefiting from a positive characteristic trait that someone in recovery has acquired, just as we as CGs acquired the bad traits associated with our compulsive gambling;  continue to enhance the new good traits and keep working at changing the bad ones — it is our progress that will keep adding clean time to our lives.  In reading yours and another post about someone gambling again adds a little bit of a positive look at my recent gambling; adding quality time to all of your gambling free time, not just the past 5 months. I can say that I know what I am talking about, and hope that you can regain your momentum and get back in step the same as I and many others have had to do. 
However, don’t wallow in that unhappiness, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on keeping on — a mixed cliche, but both tell us and inspire us to do the right thing, and the last part of the first one, start all over again, does not fit; you are still in recovery and do not have to start over. You might have to change or strengthen the steps and tools that you are using, but once in recovery always in recovery; once we become aware and accept the fact that we are a CG and need to change, that eternal Higher Power now awaken within us keeps the desire to be free alive.
Keep posting, reading, and participating here and in your other support groups, keep working your program of recovery. We are not alone in our problem, or our struggles, and need to share our experiences and adventures of life with our fellow gamblers so as to help them as well. We may feel a need for a break from some of the ways that we work our recovery, but we should never take a break from making the journey itself, never let ourselves face and live the life of being in a true relapse. e.g. "Relapse – The addiction takes hold once more and the individual re-enters the pre-contemplative stage" where "The problem is not identified and there is no motivation for change" ~ definitions taken from the welcoming page of GT.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep taking action.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

(((cc))) you will get through it, you will regroup start again. You got the skills and the knowledge, try not to beat yourself up, that will give the addiction even more hold of you, as you will feel not worthy of recovery. You are worthy, and you can do this. Sends you prayers and healing thoughts. XxYou can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

Oh Chubby, I’ve been there so many ***** and I really feel for you.  This is where you learn that you don’t want to ‘go there’ again, and you probably will a few more ***** but you’ll learn what you want, or don’t want, in your life and it will get easier.  I probably sound like a broken record but…I made sure I couldn’t access cash just so I wouldn’t have those regrets.  I don’t have a debit card, stopped check writing/cashing at the casino, don’t have any pin numbers for credit cards and I bank at a credit union so I can’t get cash on the weekends because they are closed.  I was frustrated a few ***** when I took $40 to the casino, couldn’t get more money, asked someone to hold my seat, drove the 15 minutes to Walmart to write a couple of $20 checks, run back to the casino, lost that quickly and didn’t have a choice but to leave.  I know that limited my losses to a hundred or less instead of 5 ***** or 10 ***** more than that.  I was angry (like any addict needing that fix) that I couldn’t get more money but later was relieved that I couldn’t. Chubby, what are you going to do to make sure you can’t get to gambling money? For now, you need to protect your money from this addiction because will-power alone isn’t enough for a cg in the early stages of trying to quit.  I read a post from someone who mentioned they keep their money and cards locked in a safe at Gordon House.  I think that would be a wonderful service where we could lock up all access to cash on Friday and pick them back up on  Monday…or whatever ***** you needed help with.  Hope you’re feeling better this afternoon.  Don’t be too hard on yourself because if it was easy to stop gambling, without any stumbles, we wouldn’t all be here on this site.  Sherry

Cheer up, CC. It only goes up from here. A couple of days in and you’ll be back to your old cheerful self again. Look how lucky we are … we get yet another chance to smarten up and start over. You can do this … just take it one breath at a time.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( CC )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I wish that hug could heal the pain in your heart and heal your gambling addiction. I’m so glad that you came here to receive the support you need at this time. I have seen a big change in you this past while and I know that this will bring more change. I always told you that you were the strongest person I know. Realize that you have that strength. You will be ok 🙂
luv Laura

Chubby, I also only post my true feelings here.  I’ve always been a private person but I wonder if the gambling life has helped us be experts at hiding our true self and feelings.  Hope you get some rest Chubby and sleep better tonight.  Things always seem worse when we’re exhausted.

((((chubby))) you can only move forward from here, what happend happend. Can understand your anxiety I live with it daily, it’s so hard.
Today is a new day, get your feelings out there, we will listen and once you are finished greiving over your choice to gamble. We will be with you as you walk the recovery road again.
Sends you lots of love and healing prayers.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

Originally posted by ChubbycatI just dont know how to do this again Chubby
Good afternoon Chubbycat – Cc as I refer to you; aka P and Pp in the chat rooms
It looks like your have found a way; in your "ditch(ing) the mask & take(ing) ownership of your addiction" ~ Harry of GT, and returning to your topic New Beginging… Help by P  (for those here that do not know you as P), is a good start.
God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.