Trying to recover again...

I've always gambled here and there my entire life.  There are times I think I can control it, but I know I really can't.  I'm a cumpulsive gambler and I'm just lying to myself like everyone else.  I've had 3 bad lapes, where I just lose everything I have and every loan / credit given to me. My 3rd lapse just recently got completed this weekend.  I've lost my 401k and 20k+ in loans / credit.  This time though, I have the most to lose.  My kids, wife, house, car, everything...


Well, my wife told me I have no choice but to goto counseling and GA.  I've started GA but haven't gotten into therapy yet.  I went to my first GA meeting ever and I actually thought it was helpful.  It didn't get rid of my urges but being able to open up to people who has been through what I've been through was very helpful.  I think I'm going through the right steps... but I normally do after a lapse.  I can normally go through 1-2 years without gambling.... it's just the one time that really does me in.  It's like I wanna sabotage myself and get rid of everything I ever earned as quickly as possible.


I think part of the problem is... I've never faced the real financial burden.  The first time, I just hid from the debt until it was too old to collect.  The 2nd time, I just declared bankruptcy.  This time, I can't declare bankruptcy... but I feel like I have found a way out, even though I did lose my 401k already.  The only problem with this time is that it also makes sense for me to avoid the financial burden because this time I have a wife and kids...  So... I'm stuck at a crossroads.  I really do want to get better.... and I want to attend GA regulary.  I also have spent my whole time gambling into trying to find a way legally out of my debts for the 3rd time.  I believe I have found a way... but that will probably just pave the way for my 4th and most likely worst lapse. 


Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums


Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!


Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.


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And on that note....


I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you :-)


Take care


The Gambling Therapy Team



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Hi and well done on looking for help.

I would suggest reposting this in the My journal forum - it i9s a busier forum and you will get more feedback and support there.


You have stopped before so you know you can stop again. This time after a period of being gamble free you will still be getting to GA meetings, still be posting here. Keep using support and it is easier to maintain recovery.


We can't gamble our way out of debt, we just dig the hole deeper. Get yourself excluded from where ever it is you normally gamble, ask your wife to help you with proper accountability so that you can't access funds with which to gamble.


Keep posting but again I would recommend the My Journal Forum.


I can relate to the thought you want to sabotage yourself. I think subconsciously I do that too. I vowed in the spring to stop going to the boat and play the slots. Logically, I realize it is a constant roller coaster of win/loss/win/loss that does not stop. Then I went a few weeks ago and won. I vowed I would stop after hitting a good win. Of course, winning never was going to stop me. That encouraged me to go back and try again. I went less than a week ago and lost $100 and went back to the casino 3 times in the same day. Even if I am not addicted it is definitely becoming an addiction. I went back and forth to the boat 3 times in one day. What was I thinking!? I am determined to stop sabotaging my process and end slot play for good this time. I appreciate you all being here.